********you walk into a gigantic weyr. Inside is a beautiful girl with pure silver hair and
a slim pretty figure. After a few minutez drooling, you manage to stammer out hulo. I give
a sweet smile, and you notice my wite and n33t teeth. My violet eyez sparkle in the dim
lite********* Hello my name is Pippi Longstockings ********as I speaks, twelve fire-lizards
two golds, four bronzes, three blue and three green appear and cuddle up next to me**********
These are my fire-lizardz. My parents would beat me with chains each night until they died and
these fire-lizards taught me their language and I Impressed them all! **********I give another
beautiful smile********** My gold dragon named Robin will soon be here. c-ya!
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What Pippi did wrong: Perfect persona. Gave me cavities just writing it. Over nine fire-lizards, and two golds! Only Menolly was able to get over nine... Saying "My gold dragon will soon be here." SHE NAMED HER DRAGON!!!!! ::sobs:: It didn't even end in "TH!" She could have at least said Robinth... ;_; Strange hair and eye color. I don't mind one, but both is out of the question! No description of the weyr... Parents beat her with chains? Raised by fire-lizards? Oh, please. Assumed the visitor was male, and then assumed they would drool over a pretty girl. Tch. Such god-moding. Her fire-lizards are time-coordinated? Dude, I want a flit like that! No music, no images, and a horrid color scheme! Grammar and spelling mistake haven... ::gags:: I don't know, but something tells me the people of Pern don't use Internet slang. Sorry, honey. And her title, "my weyrz!!!!!!!" gets on MY nerves. Switched from third to first person pretty fast. I did mention I dislike first person, didn't I? What she did right: |
