Brian stares at the papers in front of him. He’s been sat there for hours and he is no closer to knowing how he feels. He has read through Jade’s letter five times, trying to read things she didn’t write. He wishes she were here so that he could yell at her, ask her all the questions he needs answering… But instead he’s alone at the table they bought together in the house that was supposed to be theirs. There’s a knock on the door and he gets up to go answer it. It’s AJ.
“Hey,” he says nervously. Brian just stands back to let him into the house. “You ok? Good vacation in Kentucky?” AJ starts to babble.
“I know what happened between you and Jade,” Brian says quietly and AJ stares at him. “She left me a letter. Plus divorce papers.”
“She did?”
“Uh huh. She asked me not to blame you, said it was all her fault but I say it takes two.”
“It does,” AJ agrees quietly. “I am sorry.”
“You knew she was my wife,” Brian starts slowly, his voice getting angrier as he continues. “You knew how much I loved her, how scared I was of losing her… You stayed with me when I cried over her accident and over JC. You knew all that and you still slept with her! I blame her, hell yeah, of course I blame her! She was supposed to love me so much that she would never even LOOK at another guy the wrong way. But you, you were supposed to be my friend. You were supposed to say no!”
“I know,” AJ bows his head. “I know I should’ve done that but I loved her. I thought that maybe things would be ok. That you had fallen out of love with her…”
“Why would you think that?!”
“You never came to see her. You never called her… She was lonely and she missed you. I actually held her while she cried herself to sleep over you. She thought you were leaving her, that you would come back from Kentucky and tell her it was over. I guess she just got in there first.”
“Oh yeah, she sure did!”
“She loves you. She always will. Take any comfort you can from knowing that,” AJ tells him.
“Comfort?! She cheated on me AJ. I don’t call that love.”
“I know. But there were reasons,” AJ says quietly. “She needed some love and you weren’t there. I was.”
“Well it doesn’t matter anymore,” Brian states. “It’s over. All I need to do is sign this paper and send it away.”
“You’re goin’ to do it?”
“Just watch me,” Brian walks over to the table, grabs a pen and signs the divorce papers. “As from now, I have no wife.”
“It’s not as easy as that.”
“Oh but it is.”
Brian rolls over in his bed, staring out at the darkness. He can’t sleep. All he can think about is Jade. He is so angry with her but he just can’t stop loving her. He has missed her so much lately. He had wanted to call her so many times over the past month but his nerve had always failed him at the last minute. He had been too scared to talk to her, worried that she would say they were over. Maybe he had driven her into AJ’s arms. But she should’ve resisted AJ, should’ve called him and begged him to come home to her. He really wishes she hadn’t left, that he knew where she was. How is he supposed to know how he feels if he can’t talk to her? He climbs out of bed and heads to the kitchen. Maybe a glass of whiskey will help him sleep. He snaps the light on and pours out a drink. He takes a sip just as his eyes fall on the divorce papers. He picks them up and reads them through, stopping when he gets to his signature and Jade’s. He traces her writing and sighs.
“Jade Willow Littrell,” he reads aloud slowly.
He studies his own signature before walking across to the gas hob and turning it on. He holds the papers over it so that they catch fire and drops them in the sink. He watches them burn. He doesn’t want to divorce Jade. Not just yet anyway. He’s still so angry and hurt but he also still loves her. He decides to do nothing until a little time has passed.
“Shit, shit, shit, shit,” I whisper, staring at the box in my hand.
I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid, that this has happened to me. I check the box again – hoping there’s some kind of mistake. Like there’s some small print that says Kidding! – but there isn’t. Of course there isn't. I’m pregnant and it’s not Brian’s baby. How could it be? We haven’t been together for months. This is AJ’s child.
I place my hand on my stomach and rub it slowly. I’ve been feeling awful lately – sick in the mornings, tired and run-down. Then my period stopped after the accident and never came back. I never really thought I was pregnant. The test was just to rule it out. But instead it’s created a whole ‘nother bunch of problems.
I know things are over between me and Brian. I mean, I’ve betrayed him twice now. Right now he’s probably signing the divorce papers and sending them to his lawyer. But still, I guess I’ve always hoped that maybe one day… But not now. I hardly think turning up on his doorstep with AJ’s child in tow would really make him want to take me back. No guy would take on another man’s child. Not even Brian.
And AJ? There’s no way I can tell him about this. He would insist on being with me through it all and I couldn’t take that. I love him but not in the way he wants me to. I couldn’t spend my life trying to pretend that I don’t see the way he’s looking at me. Without me in his life, he can move on with his own. I’m not going to pull him back for anything.
No, we’ll get by on our own I decide, touching my stomach gently and standing up to throw the box away. We’ll have to.