ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGES!
Actual Answering Machine Messages Recorded and Verified By The World Famous International Institute of Answering Machine Messages:
15. Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep. 14. Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone. 13. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back. If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message. 12. You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message. 11. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us. 10. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished. 9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages.My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you. 8. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling.... and I'll think about returning your call. 7. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets. 6. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have LOTS of money. 5. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message. 4. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner. 3. Hi. Now YOU say something. 2. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you. And the Number One Actual Answering Machine Message Recorded and Verified by The World Famous International Institute of Answering Machine Messages. 1. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll call you back.
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