At this time, right now, I feel very alone. I feel like there was something taken from inside of me months ago and never put back.
Everyone around me has someone, and something to be able to be there for them. I abused myself in so many ways because I tried to figure out what was wrong with me, why does no one want to be by my side? Why does no one want to hold me?
There is nothing I can do, and if I go out and pursue something than I will be afraid of the rejection. I don't even necessarily HAVE to have a boifriend/girlfriend or anything, I just need someone who says that they will be there when i need them. Someone who I can just hold for hours and fall asleep next to and know that they are hoping that I am okay.
Well, I'm not okay and I dont have any of those things. I just feel locked up and chained inside, I can't even describe, and I am sure some people go through this, but there is a lot more wrong with me than people know, and I am not going to explain it. A little bit of it is explained in my other journal entries. I am just helpless right now and I have no clue where to go from here. What do I do? Should I just sit back and let everything happen by itself? Or should I try to do something about it? But I do not know what it is I am supposed to do, beg, plead, ask, think it out. wonder pr just cry everyday in the shower like I have been doing forever. Well, this is all I am going to say for now....I am lonely....so sad....so very sad.....I just want to sleep for days.
Raindrops and Kittens,
Lucy