Chapter 1 |
Chapter 2 |
Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 |
___Chapter 1
Have you ever had something in the past, something you desperately wanted to forget, come back in your life? What do you do when this happens? Desperately pray they go away? Or welcome It with open arms? I was put into this situation recently. Its literally hell on earth, yet at the same time, Heaven. I’m sure by now you are like: WHAT ON EARTH IS SHE TALKING ABOUT? Is she INSANE? Well to answer your question, I’m not insane, and I will show you exactly what I am talking about: My experience with having your past come back to you.
He walked in. My best friend and childhood playmate from the time I was a baby until the time I was 18. He silently walked into the restaurant, waiting for a table to open. With his facial features, he looked exactly like I thought he would. The same sandy colored hair, the same piercing blue eyes and rugged cheek bones. In other words: he didnt change at ALL.
I kept staring as the waitress called his name, “Littrell” and he stood up with a smile and followed the girl. I looked around my wing of the restaurant for the open table, and looked on in horror as I realized it was directly to my left. I never expected to see him back at our old favorite restaurant when we were kids, so this was a complete shock to me. I had often seen photos of him, always with a bubbly blonde on his arm, named Leighanne, but tonight, he was dining alone.
I swiftly put my hand up to cover the side of my face, in fear of recognition. I heard him softly clear his throat, and he then flicked his wrist, *the same annoying habit* to reposition his watch, that has always been to big for his wrist.
I had a feeling he would order the same meal he had ordered the first 18 years of our lives, which consisted of Country Fried Steak, mashed potatoes, (gravy on the side), a side salad with French dressing, and an Iced Tea. The waiter came to take his order, and as usual, I could have ordered for him.
As I picked at my salad, I could feel his eyes make their way over to my table, and burn into me. I hoped he would simply shrug it off as a case of mistaken identity, but apparently luck was not on my side.
“Jamie? Is that YOU?” he asked with extremely wide eyes.
What could I do? Ignore the man, when he was sitting no less than 5 feet away from me? I slowly turned my head toward his direction. “Bri? OH MY GOD!!!! What are YOU doing here???,” I exclaimed with a semi-fake happiness. He immediately jumped to his feet, and I did the same and I was soon wrapped in a giant hug. “OH MY GOD, JAMIE!!!” HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN JELLYBEAN??” He held me at arms distance, looking me over. I examined him, and noted some changes. He was a couple inches taller, with shaggy sandy colored hair, but the eyes were still as bright as oceans, and he still had the rugged and adorable face.
“Jamie, You look AMAZING!! HOW long has it been since we’ve seen each other??”
Oh, about 8 years, 6 months, 14 days and about..er..9 hours, but I mean REALLY, who’s keeping track? SURELY not me!!
Since when Brian? Since you told me the night of my birthday that you were leaving the next day and probably not coming BACK? That my best friend was being taken away to go down Florida? Or the fact that you promised to write, call and send letters, and I have yet to receive ONE??
“Yeah well,” I started. “I went to college out in Chicago, but after about 2 years out there, I realized my life was in Kentucky, that I belonged here,” I explained. The waiter came out, carrying steamy plates, and looked around in despair as he realized his customer was nowhere to be seen. Brian grinned. “Thought I left ya? Naw, I was just visiting with a lady I used to go to school with,” he explained.
A lady I USED TO GO TO SCHOOL WITH?? The statement made me want to burst into tears. Really Brian? Used to go to school with? You mean your best friend for 18 years? The girl who lost her virginity to you at the age of 17? Wow. “A lady I used to go to school with” Sums it up PERFECTLY.
As Brian spoke, his eyes rarely left mine, which made me feel uneasy. Those were the same eyes who I gave my life to when I was 17. Brian had been my best friend for 17 years, and I knew I could trust him to be my first time. As he spoke, I slowly drifted off into my own world, thinking about the times we shared when we were teenagers….. What a time that was…..
___Chapter 2
The next chapter is a flashback!! I repeat: A FLASHBACK!! They had lost their virginity to each other no longer than 2 weeks ago. They didn’t want any strings into a relationship, but they were best friends, and both wanted their first time to be with someone they trusted, and, they trusted each other more than anything and their first time was special. He quickly snapped out of his thoughts. “Um.. Jamie, I need to talk to you Jellybean…” he started. Jamie immediately snapped to attention. He never called her Jamie unless it was serious, so this must be pretty big. “Yeah Brian?,” she asked with question in her eyes. “Well… yanno how today, in History, Mrs Cranning called me down to the office?” Jamie nodded, and Brian continued. “It was my cousin Kevin on the phone, Jame. He gave me an offer to go down South, to Florida, and be in this group. We might be BIG, like New Kids, yanno? We will make CD’s and if we get popular, tour and stuff!” Jamie’s eyes grew wide. “WOW, Brian! That is so amazing! Congratulations buddy! This is so coooool!!!,” she raved. Brian flagged her to sit back down. “This is the not-so-great part, Jame…. I….I…” his voice trailed off. “You What, Brian?” “I don’t know when I’ll be back,” he started sadly. He looked up at her. “Or… or IF I’ll be back at all,” Jamie sat on her bed, stunned into silence.
“What… what do you mean, IF you’ll be back, B?” “Well… from what Kev told me… we will be touring, all the time. Maybe even over in Europe, and if we do… I will have to move down there,” he said with a tear running down his face. Jamie felt the tears spring to her eyes. “You….. you might not be back?” she said shakily. Brian shook his head silently. “Well… we have to make the best of the time you have left here,” she said bravely, even though inside she was ready to bawl her eyes out. “When you do you leave B,” she asked with a fake smile, and tears running down her face. Brian looked at her sadly, with a tear running down his face. “T-tomorrow,” he croaked silently. Jamie looked at him, stunned and heartbroken. She couldn’t have heard him right. She COULDN’T HAVE!! “Tomorrow,” she said with tears running down her face. Brian slowly nodded his head, still crying. “I gotta go home and finish packing, Jellybean….,” he said through his tears. He went over to Jamie and wrapped her in a tight hug, and kissed her cheek. “I’ll miss you,” he said with tears in his eyes. “What time are you leaving,” she asked quietly. “My flight is at 5:30 tomorrow morning,” he said softly. She quickly wrapped her arms around him again. “I’m gonna miss you so much Bri…,” she said sobbing softly. Brian gave her one final squeeze and backed toward the door. With tears running down his face, he looked at her and whispered: Happy Birthday, Jamie,” he whispered. With that, he gave her one more smile, and slowly left the room.
Jamie slowly moved over to her bed and sat on it, looking on her nightstand at the picture of her and Brian on the last day of school last year. She thought back to all the “plans” she and Brian had made. They were going to go to college together, in Lexington. They were going to share an apartment, and have a dog named Tyke, named after their favorite childhood television show. They were going to be in each other’s wedding parties, and always be there for each other, no matter WHAT. Jamie burst into tears as she realized with just a simple phone call from Kevin…. Her life as best friends and soulmates with Brian…… was ruined. She laid on her pillows, sobbing loudly, unable to control her tears. “Happy Birthday to me,” she whispered. With that, she grabbed the picture of her and Brian, laid it softly on her chest, and cried herself to sleep.
___Chapter 3
BACK IN THE PRESENT
I looked over at Brian sitting there, his blue eyes completely transfixed on mine. I avoided the heated gaze, and once again reached down and picked at my salad. “Jamie?,” he asked. I looked up slowly. “Yeah Brian?” “Show me you,” he said with a smile. “What do you mean, I asked,” confused by the question. “Show me where you live, show me EVERYTHING, show me what you’ve done with yourself these past 8 years. I smiled, and signaled for him to follow me. We walked to the counter and paid our bills, and made our way out of the diner. I told him to follow me, and watched him hop in his BMW. I slowly made my way over to my brand new Grand Prix, and drove the 10 minutes to my house. I stepped out of my car and made my way up to the front door. Brian got out of his car, and made his way up to where I was. For some reason, my hands were shaking and I just could not get the damn key to go into the lock. Brian let out a chuckle and silently took the keys from my hands and unlocked the door. He gave me a smirk, and handed back the keys. I walked into the house and beamed proudly. My hard work had made this house my dream house. It was a bigger house, decorated completely in bright whites, dark blues, and polished wood. I could hear Brian showing his admiration at the house, which made me even more proud. I walked into the living room, where Brian was looking at a collection of CD’s. “Do you want something to drink Brian?” He pondered the question for a moment, and said he would have a Lemonade, due to the immense heat.
I made my way into the kitchen and poured two tall glasses of Lemonade. When I came back into the living room, I heard music playing softly. I gave him a smile, when I realized the voice coming out of the CD player was his own, but yet not a Backstreet Boy’s CD. It was a fake CD Brian and I had made when we were 16, at a Theme Park. He smiled and I sat down and listened to that angelic voice sing. He laughed at the CD, saying how “baby-ish” he sounded. (With the accent, I must say, it sounded so damn adorable!!) I looked at Brian, millions of questions running through my head. I cleared my throat, and began with my questions. “So fruitcake, tell me about yourself. Married? Where do you live? Come on, fill me in,” I urged. Brian’s eyes widened. “No! Not married. I dodged a few bullets,” he said with a smirk. I live in Atlanta right now, but I am in the process of buying a home up here, in fact, that’s why I’m here,” he explained. He told me some more key factors in his life, but other than that, I was still clueless as to what he had done with his life. (Besides what is in the spotlight, of course). “Brian,” I choked out. He looked at me, and I knew he knew exactly what I was going to say. “I’m sorry Jamie. I know I should’ve kept in touch, but I just couldn’t,” he exclaimed with tears in his eyes. “Why not,” I asked sharply. “Don’t have enough time for all the people who USED to be in your life,” I demanded. Brian winced. “No,” he started. “Jamie, I couldn’t bear to talk to you when I was so far away from you,” he explained. I nodded for him to go on. “Jamie, do you know how many nights I cried myself to sleep? Worried that you had found a new best friend? Worried that you would forget about me completely, and that I would someday just be a name on a Christmas Card list, IF that? To know that all my life plans with you were ruined? I didn’t PLAN for things to work out this way,” he exclaimed with tears burning in his eyes. As I looked at the pain in his face, I started to cry. “I could never get another friend like you, Brian,” I exclaimed. He wrapped me in a hug, and started chuckling. I pulled away and glared at him. “Gee, nice to see my crying amuses you,” I said giving him a punch on the shoulder. He burst into giggles. “NO, NO,” he exclaimed. I was just thinking of the time…that… he paused to stop laughing.. that I accidentally… fed you poisonous mushrooms,” he laughed. I laughed. “I KNOW!! I Had to have my stomach pumped, thanks to you!!” He laughed, and put his hands up. “Its not my fault!!!!” he laughed. “We were playing house, I was just trying to be a good husband,” he laughed. I burst into laughter. We joked around for a little while more when Brian’s cell phone rang.
“Excuse me,” he said. “Lo? No. No. No. No. No. NOOOO. NO! Ha ha very funny. Screw you.. yeah you too. Blow me. Yep. Bye!” I looked at him in amazement. “Who was that,” I asked with a laugh. “My friend Nick,” he explained. “Being a dork,” he laughed. We talked for 2 straight hours, and then Brian stood up. “Well, its kinda late… I should probably go,” he said with a smile. He grasped my hand as we made our way out of the living room into the foyer. He gave me his phone number, and told me he would be back tomorrow to see me. I smiled. He leaned in and gave me a long hug. “I’m so happy to see you Jamie,” he whispered. We never heard the back door open, or the feet pound in there. It was then, the first time, when Brian heard the voice. “Mommy? What’s Daddy doing Here?”
Brian whipped around to face the little girl standing in front of the door. His eyes grew wide, and he focused and refocused on the little girl. He shook his head as if to clear it and turned to me. “WHAT?? DADDY??? I looked past Brian over to the most precious thing in my life, my 7 year old daughter, Trinity Rose. “Trin? Why don’t you go let Rusty out of her kennel okay? Take her into the yard and play with her for Mommy,” I said. She smiled. “Okay Mommy. Wanna come with Daddy?” I looked at Brian, who was standing there, eyes wide, jaw to the floor. I turned back to Trinity. Daddy is going to stay here and talk to me for a while, okay Trin? Maybe next time, okay?” She looked at me uncertainly, then smiled and made her way to go let her cocker spaniel out into the back yard. The second she left, Brian pounced on me with questions. “DADDY?? WHY IS SHE CALLING ME DADDY?? WHO IS SHE??” I looked at Brian who was on the verge of tears of confusion. “CALM DOWN BRIAN,” I demanded. “I will explain EVERYTHING when you SETTLE DOWN!” Brian silently plopped down on the couch and looked at me intently. I sat down gently across the room and cleared my throat.
“Brian, Trinity is our daughter.” He started to open his mouth to reply, but I gave him a “don’t start” look, and put my hand up to silence him. He clamped his mouth shut, crossed his arms, and sat back. When I lost my virginity to you,” I started. “Something happened. I don’t know what, but I got pregnant.” Once again, Brian opened his mouth, and I knew exactly what he was going to say, so I broke in. “I KNOW. We used protection. Well it didn’t work, something went wrong, Brian. About 2 months after you left, I started feeling sick in the mornings, and began getting extremely emotional. My friend and roommate Annie from college told me to go to the doctor and take a pregnancy test, so I did. Sure enough, that day, doctor Roman Mitchell graced me with the information that I was pregnant. Annie helped me during my pregnancy, and together we got ready. She was a great friend to me during this time, and I will never forget her. On November 6, 1993, Trinity Rose entered the world. Right away, people knew who she belonged to. She had the same intense blue eyes, the same sandy colored hair, and the high cheek bones. At this point, Brian broke in.
“HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME JAMIE? DID YOU THINK I WOULD TURN MY BEST FRIEND AWAY, AND TELL YOU THAT MY CAREER WAS MORE IMPORTANT?? I BARELY HAD A CAREER IN 1993!! YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND!! FOR GOD SAKES JAMIE, THAT IS MY CHILD!!!!! JAMIE, YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND… YOU ARE MY SOULMATE….. AND YOU HONESTLY THINK I WOULD JUST TURN YOU AWAY LIKE THAT??? HOW COULD YOU HAVE SO LITTLE FAITH IN ME??? DID YOU REALLY THINK I WAS THAT BAD OF A BEST FRIEND?? OR A BAD PERSON, FOR THAT MATTER???? Brian collapsed on the couch in tears. How Could I have Done this??” I knelt down in front of him. “You did nothing wrong, Brian. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want to burden you. For petes sake, I was your best friend, and If you were going to be famous, you didn’t need a best friend with a baby lurking in the background. I knew you guys would take off and be big Brian. I just KNEW it. PLEASE understand I was trying to think of you. Brian covered his face in his hands. “I missed it. I missed her first words, her first steps, riding a bike, her first day of school, I missed it all!!!!!! Does she even know ANYTHING about me?” It was then when I started to cry. “She knew everything, Brian. She knew all about the Backstreet Boys, and EXACTLY who you were. Every time one of your videos would come on the TV, she would squeal with delight and point at you. Back when she was a baby, when she was sick, there was only ONE song that could put her to sleep, Brian. I would always turn on “Like A Child”, and she would be comforted immediately. Almost as if she knew it was your voice singing JUST for her. On album release days, she would always push her tiny body into the crowd and make sure she got one of those albums no MATTER WHAT, because she was so proud of her daddy. And as to her first words? It wasn’t Mama. It was Da-da. “I’ll Never Break Your Heart” was on the television. She looked at you, turned to me, smiled, and ever so quietly asked: "Da-da?" I burst into tears. Not because it wasn’t my name that she said, but it was the fact that I could just picture your face BEAMING WITH PRIDE when you heard her say your name for the first time. Her last name isn’t Linden, Brian. Its Littrell. I am sorry, I REALLY am, I should have told you, Brian. But you have to believe me. I had the best of intentions”.
“I just couldn’t make a little girl understand that her father didn’t care about her mother THAT WAY. That they were only best friends who wanted to lose their virginity before college, so it wasn’t meaningless. I just COULDN’T explain that.” With that out of my system, I burst into tears. Brian wrapped me in a hug. He pulled away and whispered in my ear: “Can I meet my daughter?” I pulled away, tears running down my face. He wiped them away with his thumb and smiled. I took his hand and led him into the play room, where Trinity was sitting by a poster of the Backstreet Boys, and looking at a children’s book. I leaned into Brian’s ear. “She is an advanced reader for her age, Brian. She is quick learner, just like you and I were,” I said with a smile. “Trin?,” I asked. She looked up at me and showed the famous Littrell cheek-to-cheek smile. She scrambled up off the floor and came over to me. “Your dad needs to ask you something,” I said softly. Brian looked at the little girl and smiled warmly. “Hi Honey.. I’m your daddy, Brian. Can I have a hug? She smiled and took a few steps toward him, but stopped. “Its ok Trin,” he started. “I know I’ve been gone a long time, but I am going to be here from now on, and I won’t leave you again. Can I please have a hug?” This statement along with a grin won over the heart of our daughter, and she went and stood at Brian’s feet. She tugged at his pant leg (being she was short, like both of us) and he bent down on his knees for easier access, and opened his arms, and smiled happily when his daughter jumped in them. He held her tightly, almost as if letting go would take her away from him. He backed away from her, tears of happiness in his eyes and a blissful smile on his face. Although he was happy about this… there were still nagging thoughts. 1)How can I adjust to being her father? and Number 2) BACKSTREET BOYS
___Chapter 5
Brian looked out the window, smiling when he heard his daughter squeal with laughter. He turned his head to see Kevin, swinging her around in a circle, like an airplane, and Jamie laughing and tickling her. He looked out one last time, then laid back on the couch. He was just getting over a case of the flu, so was staying inside and in bed, A LOT. He adjusted his pillow, then laid back to think of what had happened over the past 3 months.
Since the night Brian found out about his daughter, he immediately called the Backstreet Boys together and after many hours of meetings with publicists, managers, and the press, they Backstreet Boys decided they would take a one year sabbatical. No magazine shoots, no public appearances, no concerts, etc. The rest was well deserved, and greatly appreciated.
After the decision for the sabbatical was made, Brian moved in with Trinity and Jamie. Brian and Jamie were not starting a relationship, they wanted to stay friends, but they both knew they wanted their child to be raised by BOTH parents, not to be tossed in between the two. The one thing Brian was the most thankful for was the fact that there was no awkwardness whatsoever between him and Jamie. Kevin was over a lot helping out, and always loved to do things with his little cousin. Soon, Brian was snapped out of his thoughts as the door slammed shut. He turned around to see Jamie walking in, laughing happily, followed by Kevin and Trinity who were also giggling.
“What are you guys doing,” Brian asked with a smile. Kevin plopped down on the couch next to his cousin. “We are goin’ to the mall to get a head start on Christmas shopping,” he said with a smile. Brian’s eyes widened. “CHRISTMAS SHOPPING?? Um, Kevin.. its only November 18. THANKSGIVING isn’t even here yet,” he said with a laugh. “I know, but we figured we’d go now, since we all have a free day, and of course…. So my little cousin can get all the toys her little heart desires,” he said tickling Trinity’s waist. Jamie smiled, and broke in to the conversation: “I’m gonna go get my purse, okay Kev?” “No Problem hun,” he replied. Brian’s eyes widened. Hun????? Brian watched as Jamie trudged up the stairs, then turned his blue eyes on Kevin. “Hun?,” he asked quizzically. “What’s going on with you and Jamie???” Kevin rolled his eyes. “Easy Cuz, nothing you need to worry about” All of a sudden, the idea of Kevin and Jamie going shopping alone didn’t sound very good. Just then, Jamie came back down the stairs. “I’m ready!” “Can I go?,” Brian asked. Jamie looked at Brian like he grew another head. “No way mister. You have to stay home and get better.” “I’m FINE,” Brian insisted. “I WANNA GO,” he whined. “Forgod sakes Bri, you sound as bad as Trin,” Jamie said with a frown. “Yeah, besides Brian,” Kevin broke in. “We need you to stay home and watch Trinny anyway,”. TRINNY?? Brian thought. Since when does HE get a nickname for MY daughter????,” he thought with a scowl. “BUT I WANT TO GO TOO!!!!!,” Brian insisted. “She’s MY daughter. I WANT TO GO SHOPPING FOR HER TOO!!!. Jamie looked at Brian with fire in her eyes. “Yes, Brian. We are all aware you want to go shopping too. But you are still getting over the flu, so you are GOING TO STAY HERE,” she said with a scowl on her face and fire in her eyes. Brian backed down. That was a look he never messed with. Kevin looked at Brian with an odd look in his eyes. “Why do you want to go so bad anyway,” he asked with a frown. Yeah, Brian thought. Why do I want to go so bad? I didn’t before… but those two… shopping alone…Kevin, calling Jamie “hun”…shopping for HIS daughter… for some reason upset him. Brian couldn’t say that, he knew he would sound stupid, so he said the first thing that came to mind. “Oh, I don’t know,” he said slowly. I guess since I have just been in the house so long because of the flu I wanted to jump at the first chance to get out… Sorry….,” he apologized. Once again, he received another frown from Kevin. “Why don’t you just call Leighanne, Bri? Get your mind off the fact that your under house arrest…..”, he suggested “Leighanne? Who?? OH!!! Her….Duh.. I guess Im experiencing dementia,” he said with a forced laugh. “I think I’ll just try and lay down…..” Kevin looked at him oddly. “Are you sure you’re okay???”. Yeah! Am I okay?,” he thought. “Positive,” he confirmed. Jamie walked back in through the kitchen. “Okay Brian, here’s a list of emergency numbers, a list of some babysitters you can call if you need some help, her medicine is on the top shelf for her cold,”.. “JAMIE,” he broke in. “I’m not a little girl babysitter, I’m her father. Trust me. I can handle it, and I know where everything goes. I LIVE here, remember? Believe it or not, I DO know what I’m talking about!” Jamie looked at him, a hint of hurt in her eyes. “I…I know,” she stammered She tore her eyes away from Brian’s and bent down to hug Trinity goodbye. Kevin got up and went to get his coat, but was stopped by Trinity. “GIVE ME A HUG BEFORE YOU GO UNCLE KEV!!!,” Kevin smiled and leaned down to give her a hug, and Brian rolled his eyes, watching the display from the couch. Christ, he thought angrily. HE ISN’T YOUR UNCLE,” he wanted to shout at Trinity. HE IS YOUR COUSIN. NOT YOUR FATHER. NOT YOUR UNCLE. YOUR COUSIN!!!!!! “Are you leaving yet,” he broke in. Jamie looked at him sharply. “YES we are leaving now, and cut the attitude Littrell, I’m starting to get damn sick of it. Do you understand me? CUT the temper!” she said angrily. With that, she walked out the door, followed by Kevin, and they got in Kevin’s jeep and sped away.
___Chapter 6
“Trin?? Time for bed honey!!!,” Brian yelled into the toy room. He couldn’t help but smile as she walked into the living room. She was a spitting image of him, a big wide smile, high cheek bones, and bright blue eyes. “Guess what??,” he asked. “What daddy??” “Time for bed,” he said with a grin. She frowned, but listened anyway. “Okay,” she said, walking toward her room. Brian waited 5 minutes while she changed into her nightgown, then went in to tuck her in. He gave her a kiss good night and got up, and heard: Daddy?? He turned around and flicked the light on. “Yeah??,” he asked. “I love you,” she said with a smile. Brian smiled, and felt a tug at his heart. Once again, he shut off the light, but this time, he heard a soft mumble behind him. He turned on the light and walked back over to her bed. “Did you say something, honey?,” he asked. “Y-yeah….,” she said softly. “What is it,” he asked with a loving smile. “Why did you leave mommy? And why didn’t you come home when I was born? Didn’t you love us?” Brian’s eyes widened, and he felt a tug at his heart. “Oh, honey.. It’s a lot more complicated than that, sweetie. Your mom and I….. we made a mistake. Trinity looked at him sadly.
Shit, he thought. Open mouth. Insert FOOT. “I was a mis-take? Whats that mean? Does that mean I shouldn’t be your baby?” “No! No no no no no, that’s not what I meant at all! Your mom and I were just very young, and we weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend, we were just friends. When I moved to Florida, I didn’t know your mom was pregnant. But I’m here now, and that’s all that matters, right?” Trinity smiled. “Yeah. I always saw you on TV. Lots of people love you,” she said. “Lots of people love you too,” he said with a chuckle. “Wait a minute young lady… did you say your prayers?” “Ooops!! I forgot!” Trin stumbled out of bed, and got on her knees, and tugged on Brian’s pant leg to get him to kneel down also.
“Dear God-
Brian opened his eyes, surprised to find tears in them. “Trin? Do you thank God for me coming back to Kentucky every night?” “Yep! Ever since you came to live with mommy and me,” she said with a smile. Brian smiled, gave her a kiss, and tucked her in. He watched her silently for a little while, and smiled when he realized she had drifted off into a sound sleep. He walked back into the living room and found Jamie setting her purse down on the table. “Hi,” she whispered. Is she asleep?,” she asked pointing toward Trinity’s room. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Where’s Kev?” “He went home,” she explained.
“Look, Jamie, I want to apologize for being so clippy and moody with you earlier. I guess I just really wanted to… get out of the house.” Jamie laughed. “You know Bri, you think that just because we went so long without seeing each other that I can’t tell when you are lying. It doesn’t work on me,” she said with a wink. Luckily, she left it at that and didn’t ask why he REALLY wanted to go. Brian smiled. He had almost forgotten the bond he and Jamie had, where lies would always be discovered, the happy times..and…well… lately. Jamie checked the caller ID. “Leighanne called,” she told him. Brian sighed. She was probably pissed, he had not talked to his girlfriend for a week, due to the fact he had been so ill. “Okay,” he said. He watched Jamie for a minute, trying to figure out why he was feeling this way, why he was feeling something was different towards her. He clutched his stomach. Was he getting sick again? Oh no. NO. NOT towards Jamie. Brian finally realized the funny feeling in his stomach. Butterflies. Brian hadn’t felt butterflies for a long time. And he had NEVER felt them with Jamie. So.. WHY NOW? He looked at her, as she shuffled through papers. She was dressed in blue jeans and a Kentucky State sweatshirt, and her hair was in a ponytail. So why was he flipping out? It was then Brian decided he had to get of that room. He excused himself and said goodnight, and made his way to his room to call his girlfriend… Lucy? Linda? GOD DAMMIT he knew her name started with an L. Louise? Leigh…LEIGHANNE. He had to go call LEIGHANNE. With that, he shook his head, picked up the phone, and started dialing.
I was eating alone, slowly nibbling at my Chicken Caesar salad. I loved coming into restaurants alone and watching human interaction, the way people live their lives. I watched in silence as his eyes scanned the room looking for any childhood "pals". He did not look into my direction of the restaurant, and for some reason this made me happy. It wasn’t that I hadn’t missed him, its just the fact I didn’t know if I could bring the pain of broken promises back to me. After all, things could never be like they used to. Careless and fun, they could never be that way again with him. I watched as he silently waited to be seated, still scanning the crowd. I thought back to the last time I heard him sing, back when we were in church youth group together. That voice was angelic, and I truly believed it fitted his personality, for he did have the personality of an angel. Music is his life, and his voice just has....something, a... a SPARK that makes even the most unhappy person smile.
“Well, it has to be about 8 years, ya fruitcake. How’s life been treatin ya?” He took my question as an invitation and shifted over to sit at my table. He told me stories about the group, the hustle and bustle and fun, the exhaustion, and joys, basically giving me the past 8 years of his life with a 20 minute conversation. “Wow,” he started. “I didn’t realize you were in Kentucky… yanno, since…...well... graduation... and... stuff... you know....when..” his voice trailed off.
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~Kentucky- 1993~
“Um… Hi Mrs Linden… is Jamie here?,” Brian asked softly. “Oh, hi Brian!” You bet hun, the birthday girl is up in her room,” she said with a smile. “Can you believe my little Jamie is 18 years old today? Brian flashed her a smile and made his way through the house up to Jamie’s bedroom. He knocked silently on the door. He waited for about 5 seconds, and the door was pulled open and he was given a huge smile. He couldn’t help but smile at the spunk of his best friend. He had met Jamie in kindergarten, when they were sat at the same table, due to the fact their last names both started with “L”. They had been in-separable since the time they were tiny children, and always thought alike. They both had the same mischievous, yet kind smiles, and twinkling blue-grey eyes. “Yo…. Fruitcake? Ya With me? Don’t spaz out on me now dorkweed!” Brian quickly snapped out of his thoughts. “Very funny, Jellybean. Aren’t you a comedian,” he said dryly. “You better watch it,” he warned her. You may be 18 now, but I’m ALREADY 18, and I could Kick your butt!” Jamie rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah, putz, I’m REALLY afraid of you. Watch me shake, choir boy,” she said with a laugh. With that, Brian lunged at her. “Okay Woman, you must die now!!!!!” With that, he tickled her for 5 minutes straight, until she was in tears. He backed away with a victorious smile. As he watched her catch her breath and smile on her bed, he couldn’t help but think back to his first time.
Brian
Brian barely made the drive home, due to the fact he couldn’t see the road through his tears. When he got home, he ran up to his room and slammed the door, falling against it. He picked up a picture of him and Jamie at homecoming. Although they hadn’t gone together, they still had their pictures taken together. He laughed at the thought. He stroked the side of the frame, and once again the tears came again. He held it tightly to his chest, and slowly got up and finished packing.
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God bless Uncle Nicky, Uncle Aj, Uncle Howie and cousin Kevy. God bless Rachel, Tommy, Stuart, and all the kids I play with.
God bless Mommy, I love her a lot. And God bless Daddy, and thank you so much for bringing him back to me and mommy, because I love him SO much. Thank you. Oh- and… can I have a new bike? I want one REAL bad! In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, Amen.”
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