[Scene: Aly, Audrey, Dot, and Haley are gathered in the living room. There is still no furniture.]
Dot: So, Aly…planning on getting chairs for this place any time soon?
Aly: Give it time. Tag sale season hasn’t even started yet!
Audrey: Oh, I know! I have this really cool friend, and she has all this cool stuff that she wants to get rid of, so…
Haley: Who’s that?
Audrey: Lisa.
Aly: (rolling her eyes) Audrey, isn’t Lisa a coke dealer?
Audrey: Um, yeah, so? Doesn’t make her stuff any less cool.
Aly: Well, honey, think for a second. Why would a coke dealer want to get rid of her stuff?
Audrey: Don’t call me honey. Oh…yeah. Damn.
Dot: This is good! On Memorial Day weekend we can all go tagsailing together!
Aly: Mmm. What I really miss is having a computer.
Haley: Is that why you come over every morning to use ours?
Aly: I do not!
Dot: Yes you do.
Aly: Well, I miss him!
Audrey: I don’t believe you. You’ve known him for like, seven years already!
Aly: Eight last month. (off their stares) What?
Haley: That is just sad.
Audrey: Yeah, especially considering that the guy is a total loser!
Aly: Shut up!
Audrey: Well he is. (jumping up) Oh! I have to show you guys my new room!
Dot: Aud, that would’ve been nice before my butt got numb from sitting on this floor.
[Cut to them in Audrey’s new room.]
Audrey: Isn’t it great?
Everyone else: Oh yeah.
Audrey: It’s funny, you know, I always thought I was gonna be the Rhonda.
Haley: The what?
Audrey: You know, the one who moves from house to house, living off of other people… (off Aly’s glare) Well at least I’ve settled!
Aly: You’re still the Rhonda.
Haley: Where exactly did this expression originate anyway?
Audrey: Oh, my mom had a friend like that. Aly’s dad did too, but his name was Jett – doesn’t really fit, does it?
Aly: (muttering to herself) Jets move from place to place.
Dot: (looking at the Donut clock) Oh! Friendly’s time!
[Cut to them at Friendly’s, Mark is their waiter.]
Mark: Okay, let me see if I can get it this time. (points to Aly) You want french fries with lots of ketchup.
Aly: Ew!
Mark: Guess not. French fries?
Aly: Yeah. No ketchup.
Mark: Why…Okay, and you (points to Audrey) want something sugary, you (points to Dot) want more than you can possibly eat, and you (glances at Haley, then at the table) want a salad because fried food is gross.
Aly: (patting his arm) Good! Ask Ian, he knows the drill.
[Mark leaves.]
Audrey: (giggling) Hi, this is Dylan. You know the drill.
All: What?
Audrey: You know, on 90210. Dylan had that on his answering machine.
Aly: Oh, yeah…
Haley: How can you watch that show?
Audrey: I don’t, I just remember that.
Haley: Oh.
Dot: So, Ian’s still working here?
Aly: Like that loser could get a job anywhere else.
Ian: (coming up from behind her) I heard that.
Aly: Well, it’s nothing new.
Ian: Nope. (sliding into the booth behind her and leaning over) So, how’s my favorite customer?
Aly: I was better before you came along. And oh look, there’s Mark with our food! Which he makes better than you!
Ian: Oh, I’m hurt.
[Mark gives everyone their food. Haley glares at him and then goes to the lady’s room.]
Mark: What’d I do?
Aly: She’s having a rough day.
Mark: Didn’t you say that last time?
Audrey: Well, maybe she just doesn’t like you.
Dot: (laughing hysterically) Maybe!
Scene: They’re tagsailing. Alex has agreed to drive them in his truck, though he is clearly regretting it as Audrey sings along to the radio.
Audrey: Don’t you… (beating on the dashboard) Bum bum! Forget about me…Doo doo!
Alex: (making a murderous face) Aly, why don’t you sit up here?
Audrey: Yeah, Aly, why don’t you?
Aly: (giving Audrey a Look) Whatever.
They switch, and Aly closes her eyes, listening to the song. At a red light Alex glances over at her, then looks forward again, eyes wide.
Alex: Isn’t that outfit a little cool for memorial day?
Aly: (looking down at her tank top and jeans) No.
Alex: Well it’s a little…
Aly: (glaring at him) Do you have a problem?
Alex: (mocking her) No I don’t have a problem. And this sucks! (turns off the radio)
Aly: That is my favorite song. (turns it back on)
Alex: (turning it off again) All the more reason.
Aly: (losing it and doing the hand thing again) What is your problem?
Alex: I don’t know; you’re the one who said I had one.
Aly: (turning the radio back on) Your problem is that you don’t appreciate the great one-hit-wonderness of the Simple Minds.
Alex: Where’d they get the name? Did they know you?
Aly: Very funny. (the song “Lean on Me” comes on) Oh god.
Alex: Is something amiss, your majesty?
Aly: You’ll see in a sec.
Audrey: (from the backseat) I love this song! (sings) Lean on me, when you’re not strong, and I’ll be your friend…(etc etc as Dot joins in)
Alex: I don’t think “Oh god” quite covers this.
Aly: (smiling) Wow, what a tag sale! I think it’s time to turn the radio off and get out of the car. (turns it off)
Dot and Audrey: Hey!
They all get out of the car and start milling around the tag sale.
Aly: Hey, Aud! Check out this couch!
Audrey: (plopping down on it) Cool-ass!
Aly: (groaning dramatically) I believe I told you not to say that in my presence.
Audrey: (bouncing and not looking at all sorry) Sorry. Boing!
Alex: (walking over to them) Looks like it’s been through a war.
Audrey: Hey, cool! Maybe it has! (regards the couch with new respect)
Aly: How much is it?
Audrey: Twenty bucks. And come on, we need a couch.
Aly: You’re chipping in too.
Audrey: (whining) No fair! I don’t have a job!
Aly: Neither do I, brainiac.
Alex: You know, I think I’ll just pretend I don’t know either of you.
Aly: Sounds like a plan.
They both wander off in separate directions, leaving Audrey with her new love.
Cut to where Haley and Dot are looking critically at an armchair.
Aly: (walking up to them) Not bad. (sits down) Ahhh. Definitely a keeper.
She walks over to the owner of the stuff and pays for the couch and chair. With much difficulty, they load them into the back of the pickup. Haley sits on the couch.
Audrey: I get the chair!
Dot: No fair, I found it first!
Audrey: Well I called it! (makes a face)
Dot: So? (sits in the chair)
Audrey: (loudly) I wanted to sit in the chair! (sits in Dot’s lap)
Dot: Ahh! Get off me! NOW!
Audrey: Not until you let me have the chair.
Dot: Grr…
Cut to Alex, who is sitting in the driver’s seat.
Alex: What the hell are they doing back there?
Aly: From the noise Dot’s making, I’m guessing it’s a seat fight.
Alex: Oh. Of course.
Cut back to the chair.
Dot: GET OFF!!!!
Audrey: NO!!!!
Dot: Fine.
A pause.
Audrey: What are you doing?
Dot: Flexing my thigh muscles.
Audrey: Okay, you wanna play rough? I can play rough.
Dot: Ugh! Stop flexing your butt!
Cut to Alex again.
Alex: I can’t decide whether to go back there and yell at them or to just sit back and enjoy it.
As Aly glares at him a loud scream comes from the back, apparently Audrey has been pushed off of Dot.
Aly: Tough choice.
Alex: (amused) Yeah.
Scene: They’re all in the newly decorated living room, watching TV.
Alex: (who’s sitting on the couch) I can’t believe I’m watching Friends.
Aly: (stretched out next to him) I can’t believe you don’t love Friends!
Alex: I’m beginning to see why you have no friends.
Dot: (who’s sitting with Audrey in the chair) Move over!
Audrey: You’re the one taking up all the space!
Haley: (who’s sitting on the floor) Shut up! I’m trying to watch!
Alex: Why don’t you shut up?
Aly: (kicking him) Why don’t you? (watching the screen for a minute) God, Matthew Perry used to be so cute!
Audrey: I think he’s gay.
Aly: He is not! He is not gay! How dare you say he’s gay!
Alex: (smirking) Oh, he is.
Aly: (annoyed) Just shut up.
Alex: (softly) Just like Colin.
Aly: Colin…was…not…gay. We had sex.
Haley: You had SEX with COLIN?
Dot: What, you didn’t know?
Audrey: (shuddering) The only thing I still haven’t figured out is why.
Aly: He’s not gay!
Alex: Yes he is. I saw him in Look Park once with Trey. They were –
Dot: I don’t want to hear this!
Aly: They were not!
Alex: I was gonna say, they were picking wildflowers.
Aly: THEY WERE NOT!!!!
Audrey: Sorry to burst your bubble.
Aly: Oh, now you’re teaming up with him?
Audrey: Uh…no…
Aly: (grabbing the remote from the edge of the couch) Okay, I’ve had it. We’re watching ER.
Alex: Ugh!
They watch for a few minutes in silence.
Audrey: (sighing) Noah Wyle is so hot.
Dot: Uh, no!
Alex: I think he’s…
Audrey: Don’t say it, and anyway I don’t care because he is hot with a capital ‘h’ and a capital ‘t.’
They all look at her.
Audrey: That didn’t make much sense, did it?