That afternoon, nearly three weeks into Allison and Emily’s visit, Mike decided he wanted to take Em and me to the movies.

“Hey, Jacobsons, Want to go see that new musical flick?” He jangled his car keys anxiously.

“Ooh, you mean Funny Girl? Yeah!” Emily squealed with excitement.

“Well, I was thinking Oliver! but you know-“

“You can’t see Oliver! without me!” Protested Davy. He’d been dying to see that movie because he once played the Artful Dodger in England.

“Then we’ll see Funny Girl.” I said huffily and turned to Mike.

“To the Monkeemobile?” He raised his eyebrows. I nodded and we both dashed out to the car.

“Hey, wait for me!” Emily shouted and ran to catch up with us.

“That was a wonderful movie.” Emily sighed as we left the theatre. She had stars in her eyes-I knew that being a movie actress/singer like Barbara Streisand was going to be her next great “ambition.”

“Yeah, you know, Katie, you should reall-“ Mike was about to insult me, but he stopped when he noticed that a guy was heading towards us with a big grin on his face. “Who the hell is that?” Mike asked me.

“Jake!” I shouted and ran out to hug him.

“Katie!” He swung me around.

Emily looked up at Mike. “That’s Jake.” She answered his question.

“Well, yeah, I gathered th-you’re just like your sister.” He said and rolled his eyes as she made a goofy face at him.

“Mike, this is Jake Silverman. He was a member of my synagogue back east.” I introduced. “Emily, you remember Jake.”

“Yup, Hi there!” She shook hands with him. Ah, she can’t remember.

“Hey Emily. You’ve grown a lot. Taller than your sister now.” He laughed as I stuck my tongue out at him.

“So, what are you doing out here?” I asked.

“To see a movie.” He joked. I rolled my eyes. “I really came out here to go to Higgins University.”

“Oh! That’s a great school. I’ve sneaked into a couple history classes myself. For fun.”

“I remember your thing for history. Ever since eighth grade, when you had Mr. Davidson, and you learned about the Roman Empire.”

“Yup. I had such a big crush on that teacher, I-“

“Uh, Katie, we’ve gotta get goin’.” Mike interrupted.

“Oh. Yeah.” I said reluctantly.

“Why don’t we go out sometime? Catch up on everything.” He asked, nervously fidgeting with his shirt.

“That sounds groovy! Wednesday night okay?”

“Yeah! Hold on, let me give you my number at the dorms.”

“Okay, I’ll give you mine too.” So we exchanged digits and said our good-byes.

“I can’t believe you’re going to go out with that guy.” Mike snarled when we had gotten into his car.

“Why shouldn’t I?” I snapped back. He refused to answer and we drove back in complete silence. Even Em had the sense to keep quiet when Mike was this angry.

He drove us back to the pad and stomped inside, slamming the door. I followed so I could tell him off. This is ridiculous.

“Now look here, Mike, you aren’t the boss of me! I can go out with whoever I choose, and I feel I’m ready to go out.” I yelled, coming inside. Davy and Allison were up, along with Peter. They already were backing away from Mike as he slammed down the windows and kicked around some toys that were on the floor.

“You say you’re ready, huh? Well, you sure didn’t seem ready when you were having that panic attack at the Vincent Van Go-Go Club two weeks ago!” He shouted, raising his fist in the air and slamming it down on the table.

“Well, I’m ready now, you just want to be in control all the time. I can’t go out until you say I can. I can’t invite friends over unless you say so.” He stalked over and punched the wall right next to my face. I stared, horror-stricken. He crouched down so he was level with me. “You see that?” He pointed to the hole in the wall he’d just made. “That coulda been your face.” He stood up straight again. “You wanna go out and get raped again? Fine. Don’t drag us into it, though.” With that last comment, he headed upstairs and slammed his bedroom door.

I looked at everyone else around me, who were looking just as horror-stricken as I was. I stared at the hole in the wall and snapped, running out to the beach, sobbing. I just ran and ran, never turning around. When I had ran so much my sides ached I just collapsed and cried.

“Katie!” Davy rushed to me, panting. He knelt down and wrapped his arms around my shaking shoulders, and he held me like that for a long time.

“Davy…why does everything have to be so complicated?” I whispered after a lengthy silence.

“What do you mean, love?”

“I mean…I came out here to be independent-so I grow way too dependent on you guys. I really wanted you and Allison to like each other as much as I like you guys-and now I’m wishing you didn’t like each other. Once I hated Mike-now I’m in love with him. I wanted to get over the attack-only to figure out I never will because no one else can get over it. It’s just like…nothing ever happens the way I plan it to. Nothing.”

If Davy was surprised about anything I said, he didn’t show it. He just held me and sat with a quiet, thoughtful look on his face.

“It seems as if when we were all children life was so much easier. Now strange feelings and everything gets in the way.” He stated, still looking thoughtful.

“Yeah. When I was a kid I knew who I liked and I knew who I hated. Now it’s like, all mingled together.” I said slowly, thinking about Mike. “Everything was in black and white then…now it’s all gray. Just gray.” I sighed and stood up, brushing the sand off my jeans. I helped Davy up, noticing he still had that expression on his face. “What are you thinking?” I asked as we headed back to the pad.

“Just that…what you said would make a good song. A real song, one that would mean something.” He looked at me and smiled, reaching over to take my hand in his. We walked back that way, in silence just holding hands.

Peter, Allison and Emily were pacing back and forth anxiously when Davy and I returned to the pad. Micky had woken up from his sleep and was curled up in a ball on the couch, also looking worried. He sprung up and rushed over to us.

“Where were you?” He demanded impatiently.

“Davy and I were just talking on the beach.” I explained, a little taken aback at Micky’s anger.

“Oh, just talking. Next time you two ought to tell us when you’re going to just leave and not get back until three in the morning. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to get my beauty sleep. Good night.” He shot Davy an angry glance and marched upstairs.

“Well, are you guys mad at us, too?” I asked the other three tiredly.

“No, of course not.” Peter smiled.

“Nope nope nope.” Emily chirped.

“Well, despite the fact that you must be the most irresponsible person I know-and that’s a stretch considering I know Davy-I’m not. I just want to get back to your apartment.” Allison sighed, and then pecked Davy on the cheek. “See you tomarrow.” She headed out the door. Emily followed her, tugging my arm in a “Come on” gesture. I glanced upstairs, hoping that Mike would come down and apologize or something, but he never did, and I left with a sigh and a heavy heart.

That’s the song Davy had turned out after that night on the beach. He told me he had stayed up all night writing it, with just a little help from Peter.

“It’s beautiful.” I murmured, reading the lyrics out loud.

“Just wait until you hear me sing it.” Joked Davy, and Allison rolled her eyes.

“I think I have finally met someone more conceited than me.” She whispered to Emily, who laughed outright.

The next day was harder to face then I thought. I was embarrassed about running off like that; worried that Micky was still angry with me and just plain frightened of Mike. I voiced my fears out to Allison, wanting to just stay at home all day, but she forced me into getting up and going to the pad with her and Emily. So here we were, chatting with Davy and Peter, just waiting to see what Mike and Micky would say and do when they got up.

We didn’t have to wait long for Mike; he’s an early riser anyway, and he had slept late that morning. I had half a mind to just go home when I heard him trudging down the stairs, but Allison gave me that Look and I stayed right where I was. He looked at the hole in the wall and winced-because of the way he had acted the night before or because his fist hurt I have no idea. He glanced at me for a second and then headed into the kitchen.

“Uh, Katie, could I talk to you for a second?” He called me into the room. I walked in, fiddling with my t-shirt nervously.

“Yeah?”

“Let’s go outside.” He looked just as nervous as I felt. I obliged and we headed out to the beach. We just walked on for a few minutes, thinking to ourselves. When he broke the silence it startled me so much I gasped. “Katie, I-oops, didn’t mean to scare you, I just haveta say-“ He mumbled on like that and I looked up at him, trying to make sense of his babbling. “-What I mean to say is-“ He leaned down and kissed me, not hard or over-eager like, but soft and, well, nice. I was very surprised but after a few seconds I gave in and kissed him back like I had wanted to ever since that night in the hospital. Then he pulled away. “Oh, god, what am I doin’?” He moaned as I looked down at my feet. “Katie, I like you. A lot. I mean, you can probably tell, but…I don’t want to mess up the thing I got with Helen.”

“Yeah, I don’t want to screw up our friendship.” I avoided his eyes, because my true feelings might show on my face. “Is that why you freaked out last night?”

“I guess so. I never realized I had a crush on you until I got jealous, ya know?”

I suddenly felt bold. “Listen, Mike,” I looked up at his face. “I like you too. Have for a while. We both know our feelings for each other. I am willing to try this out, ride the relationship roller coaster with you. It’s up to you, though. If you choose to hang on to Helen, we’ll walk away and pretend this never happened. If you choose to be with-with me-“ My heart soared with even the prospect of being with Mike. “-With me, something great could happen. It’s up to you.” I couldn’t believe I had let all that out. I just don’t want to live my life wondering what could’ve been.

Mike remained silent for a long time, just staring out at the ocean. Finally he looked back over at me. “I can’t. I can’t give up Helen. I-I love her, I think.” He answered quietly. My heart sank.

“Okay, then. Friends?” I held out my hand.

“Friends till the end, Jacobson.” He shook it, but held on for a bit, giving me a little squeeze before letting me go.

If I just have to settle for friendship, Nesmith, I guess that’ll do.

Part Six-I'm a Believer

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