August 21, 2001
YO! MAN! What a past four weeks. I know, I know, I didn't update, but I got a good excuse. I was in jail. Not the big house. But the small cells at the police department. See, well, I'll start from the beginning.

It was a Tuesday, and like evry Tuesday was workin' at the Boys & Girls Club. And I was teachin' the kids important swimmin' necessities, like the dead man's float, doggie paddle and Sharks and Minnows. Anyway, when we were playin' S&M, I tagged this kid Chris and he said I didn't tag him. Well we got into a shouting argument, and stupid me, I held his head underwater until he admitted I tagged him. After he admitted I was right, he went cryin' to my boss Mr. Kelly. I panicked, cuz I knew what I did was wrong. So I left the kids in the pool and drove home. I sat by the phone as it rang off the hook. I didn't want to pick it up cuz I knew it was Mr. Kelly. The ringin' became too much so I went down to Julian's for an ice cold brew. That was a mistake. Six hours later I walked outta Julian's and got hit by a car. BAM! Right outta the box! I guess I was pretty smashed cuz I got up and started walkin' away. (This accordin' to the police report) The lady that hit me called the cops. They asked me if I was Joe Tomozuski and I tried to run, but tripped over somethin'. This led to me bein' booked. Yada yada yada. So at 12:55 AM I was in Nashua's Prison system. I stayed there for four weeks, cuz I had no money to post bail.

Luckily, my two daughters, Hannah and Ashley sold lemonade till their fingers fell off, and managed to post Daddy's $1,000 bail. They also held a fundraiser for me at their mom's house and raise $8.55! Not only that, my good pal Petey Duke made posters and hung 'em up all over Nashua and Cape Cod (He was down there on vay-k). The shit ain't over though folks. I gotta go to court on August 29th to face charges assaulting a minor, resisting arrest, public intoxication, and leaving the scene of a crime. I could face up to sixteen years in prison makin' my next journal entry September 1, 2016. I'll be 50. But I ain't worried. Why? I've got Nashua's finest lawyer J.A. Cooper. He's defended and won cases for my pals Seth J., Seth G., Todd, Dillon, Brad, Joey Digits, Camu the Cambodian, Tommy the Rican, Jerry, and Kenny Burnout. I'm golden.

Anyways it's good to be home cuz jail sucked. I did have my own cell but no one came to visit me, cept my boys. A big thanks to Teddy for slippin' me that six pack! ;-).

I've decided to STOP DOING THE MONDAY NIGHT RAW REVIEW! Simply on the basis that Raw sucks. It's unwatchable, and unrealistic. They've taken a fat crap on WCW. The evil WWF will not steal my love for wrestling though. I'm going to wrestling school and becoming a wrestler. I've already signed up at Archie Hammer's Wrestling School in Amhearst. Some of New England's greatest wrestlers have gone there like Shortsleeve Silverman, Lobsterman, Cheetah Master, and Johnny Ace. Add Joe T. to that list. After I'm out, I'm thinkin about startin my own federation with some of my ol' Hillsboro chums. We'll see though. Till then, later dudes.

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