December 8, 2003
The Dude is back! Whats up Tomoholics? The Dean Of Coolness has been on a major hiatus, and yo, I apologize. Me and my buddy Norm kinda got wrapped up martial arts for a while. I decided to tie-in my martial arts expertise with my pipe-dreams of becoming a wrestler. It doesn't take a Teddy Show to figure out what happened. Turns out that fans over in the Japan's Indie-Circut aren't too keen on the idea of two thirty-something white martial art experts dressed as Dragonball-Z characters, fighting their way to the Nagaiono Tag Team belts. Needless to say our gimmick crashed and burned faster than you can say Yao Ming. So before I could even sit down and throw back my first bottle of Masanaki Light, we found our Nashaua behinds back in the states with no job, no car, and most tragically, no booze.
So with our heads below our necks, we started a 3,000 mile journey from San Fransissy back to the place of my birth, numerous achievements, and eventual death...C street in Nashua. (On a sidenote: Death to Bledsoe, sworn enemy of the state) In the coming weeks, I will chronicle my journey across this barren and fascist country of ours. The journal I recorded on rolls of toilet paper that I stole from truck stops, will open your eyes to colors you've never seen, and christen your ears with a soundtrack to the likes of ballads unknown.
For now, you must know that since arriving home, I've devoted my life to the aquatic beasts. You guessed it, the Evil Shredders of the sea: sand sharks. I've spent the last three weeks at the Boston Aquarium studying them and questioning the teen-aged guides on important shark facts. I even tried to hop in the tank and swim with them to better understand how they think, but I was quickly pulled out. Sadly, this action led to my banishment from the aquarium.
Nonetheless, I've opted to open a shark store with an undecided name. As of now I have the one shark I managed to pocket on my aquarium expedition, and I plan to travel down to Florida to capture more. I'll give more details when they become more clear. Hey, I gotta go pick up H&A from Barry's. (You dirty dick) I'm sure I'll have a story about that next week. Until then, go Pats!
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