Ok, here it is, what all you femmes have been waiting for. An explanation of the things we do and why we do them. Now don't get me wrong, I love femmes...in fact, as many and as often as possible. I'll try to make it as simple as I can, as I would hate to interfere with your nail polishing rituals. If I don't answer your question, or if any of my Butch breathren out there have anything to add, please email me and I'll get it on here as soon as possible.

Why are Butches so messy?
That's an easy one. We are messy for several reasons. First of all, we are SOOOOO busy trying to cater to YOUR every whim that we simply don't have time to clean up our own messes. Second, we know that you "simply cannot live like this" and if we let it sit there long enough, you'll clean it up. Third, we know if everything is laying around, we can find it when we want it. It's our own inventory system, and it works for us. Fourth, we stay over at your place more than we do at ours, so why should it bother you? And, well, it just doesn't bother us like it does you.

What's the deal with the remote control and all the channel flipping?
Well, we love gadgets. And hogging the remote is just our way of making sure we don't have to sit through the latest "Lifetime" melodramatic movie of the week. And all the channel surfing, well, it gives us something to do while you are talking.

Do you really need all those baseball caps?
Ummmmm, do YOU really need all those purses, shoes, etc? Same concept, different item. The same applies to T-shirts and beer huggies.

Why does it bother you so much to hold our purses or get something out of it for us?
In a word...kryptonite. And ask yourself this. Do you like digging around in our toolboxes? Not to mention the fact that we have no idea what half the junk in there is for, and why you need to carry it around anyway. We fear what we do not understand. My motto..."If it doesn't fit in my pocket, I don't need to take it."

Is sex all Butches ever think about?
........Oh, sorry, I was lost in a "thought" there for a minute. No, we think about other things too, like, um....give me a minute here, um....oh yeah, we think about food, and sports, and how our bank accounts just aren't what they were when we were single and....oops, sorry, had another "thought"....and we wonder what/who our butch buddies are doing.

While we're on the Butch's favorite subject...why do you always fall asleep right after? We like to cuddle.
Oh we are very well aware you like to cuddle, but who just did all the work? Oh sure, your hair may have gotten a little mussed by the pillow, but we put alot into getting you where you just went.

Why do Butches hate to go shopping?
Because we don't see shopping as high entertainment for one thing. Shopping is what you do when you need to go get something, not a way to spend a day. Unlike football, shopping has ZERO entertaiment value. Besides, you all spend the day trying on 3,000 different things, and always go back and get the first thing you saw. Not to mention we get stuck carrying the bags and finding excuses not to hold your purse.
*Note: This DOES NOT apply to hardware superstores and home improvement centers.

Why is it that you feel the need to laugh hysterically when we ask you to kill the spider or other such nasty, creepy-crawly thing?
For starters, it could be the way you grossly over exaggerate the size of said critter. I have yet to see a spider the size of my hand anywhere except a National Geographic special or the bug house at the zoo. And if there was a video for you to see of the way you carry on, you'd laugh too. That little size-of-my-thumbnail varmit is not worth the academy award winning performance you just displayed, even though it was funny as hell. But I will admit, it does do alot for our egos to come to your rescue from such viscious beasts.