Gigi Sinclair

Jack had never realized how worked up you could get trying to relax.

It didn't help that Junior was flipping around like he was auditioning for the symbiote Cirque du Soleil. For the first time, Jack had real sympathy for what Sara had gone through when she was pregnant with Charlie. When Jack had been fed up with the fetal gymnastics, he'd just taken his hand away from her stomach.

"This isn't working, Teal'c." He opened his eyes and looked at his own body, sitting stiffly on the other side of the mat. Jack had never realized how old the grey hair made him look, although he had to admit, his body was in damn good shape. Not as good as Teal'c's, but Jack had decided not to dwell on that. Teal'c had to put up with this nauseating wiggle in his gut twenty-four seven. The least he deserved was a decent set of abs to show for it.

"You are naturally concerned for Daniel Jackson's wellbeing," Teal'c replied calmly, as if there was nothing unusual about this situation. "You must attempt to release those thoughts from your mind."

"Easier said than done, T." After all, there was a loopy old man wandering around doing God knows what in Daniel's body, while Daniel himself looked like the Nazi who drank from the false grail in the last Indiana Jones movie.

Teal'c raised a greying eyebrow and replied, "The process of kel-no- reem takes many years to learn, as I have told you on previous occasions."

"Peachy." Jack sighed and squeezed his eyes closed.

There was a rustling, and Jack opened his eyes again to see Teal'c standing over him.

"Lower your pants, O'Neill."

"What?" Teal'c's voice wasn't naturally suited to squeaking, but Jack made a valiant attempt. "Listen, Teal'c, no offence, but I'm not really in the mood." It was a joke, but Teal'c remained where he was.

"The symbiote requires you to relax before it can proceed. If you do not, you will die."

"I know. I'm trying, OK?" He closed his eyes again and tried to picture calming ocean noises and soft breezes. It didn't help that Teal'c was still looming over him. Jack had never realized his body could loom, but Teal'c made it work.

"The release of chemicals which follows orgasm will give the symbiote the time it needs to perform the necessary repairs to my body. It is far from ideal, but it will serve as a…" Teal'c hesitated, and the eyebrow flickered again. "'Quick-fix.'"

"You're kidding, right?"

"My life is not a joking matter, O'Neill."

"I know. Of course not." The symbiote flipped again, and Jack felt a wave of nausea rise. "But we can't have sex." For obvious reasons, and not so obvious ones. Like the fact Jack had been working on how to tell Daniel he might, conceivably, sometime in the not-too-distant future, possibly be interested in more than a platonic relationship with him. Maybe.

"I was not suggesting we engage in intercourse." Teal'c sounded slightly put-off at the thought. Well, thanks, buddy, Jack thought. We can't all have washboard stomachs and biceps like footballs. "Manual stimulation will be sufficient."

Before he could comment on that, a flash of blinding pain ripped through Jack's head and tore down through his stomach. "Shit," he grunted, trying to breathe through the agony. If this kept up, Jack thought, he'd be in serious danger of developing respect for the Jaffa as a whole.

"We must do this immediately," Teal'c insisted, and Jack was suddenly less inclined to argue.

He did, however, ask, "Are you sure?"

"It is a technique often used by Jaffa," Teal'c assured him. "In battle, there is often not time to engage in kel-no-reem."

"So you're all jerking each other off behind the bushes?" Jack didn't know whether he found that idea funny or just disturbing.

"No. We perform the service for ourselves, as quickly as possible."

"Oh." Jack hadn't thought of that. "Do you…I mean, would you like me to, you know, do it?"

"No," Teal'c repeated. "My physiology is different from yours." No shit, Jack thought. He could feel that from here. "It would be more expedient for me to perform the action."

Junior shimmied again, and Jack decided to go with the majority decision. "OK." He trusted Teal'c, but just in case, he added, "But after this is over…"

"We shall never speak of it again," Teal'c promised, reaching for Jack's fly.

Although he had seen Teal'c dozens of times in the showers, and had sneaked a quick peek when they first got back to base, Jack wasn't prepared for the monolith that popped up as Teal'c undid his buttons.

Teal'c was big. Seriously big. As in, give-a-porn-star-an- inferiority-complex big. Jack had never really thought about that. He'd been so busy deliberately not thinking about Daniel's size, shape or likely preferences (Jack figured him for either a bossy bottom or considerate top, but knowing how Daniel enjoyed being difficult, it could just as easily be the other way around) to even consider Teal'c, but now he was getting up close and personal, Jack had to admit Teal'c had pretty much the whole package.

It was strange, to say the least, to look into his own brown eyes and see his own pale hand firmly grasp the growing erection between his legs, but it didn't take long for Jack to get with the program. Teal'c was right, he knew what this body liked, and Jack didn't mind it too much, either. Teal'c started off slowly and gently, but soon started pulling faster and squeezing harder. Jack's heart pounded and he let his eyes slide shut, trying to enjoy the sensation without thinking too much about the circumstances.

It worked. A brief moment later, Jack came with a groan. He lay still for a moment, letting his breathing return to normal, then looked up at Teal'c still kneeling beside him, his face lit by the candles.

"I trust you are more at ease now."

Jack nodded. Junior had stopped moving, and Jack felt less like dying. "Thanks, buddy."

"I wished only to assist myself." Teal'c reached for a cloth, and as he shifted, Jack noticed the bulge in the front of his pants.

Well, Jack thought, it was every guy's impossible fantasy. And why shouldn't some good come out of this situation?

"Let me give you a hand." Or something.

"That is not necessary, O'Neill." Teal'c delicately wiped his semen- covered hands.

"Come on, Teal'c." Jack sat up and, when Teal'c didn't back away, took it as a sign of acceptance. Teal'c remained still as Jack undid his fly and pulled out the very familiar cock within.

For a moment, Jack felt ridiculous. They were in serious trouble here, Daniel was dying, and he was going to pull some stupid stunt just so he could say he did it? He was about to tell Teal'c to put it away when Teal'c grunted and shifted almost imperceptibly closer. For all Jack knew, that was the Jaffa equivalent of theatrical moaning. And what kind of friend would he be to leave the guy hanging?

Jack got onto his knees, pausing to notice that for once this position was completely pain-free, and manoeuvred Teal'c onto his back. Teal'c's body was stronger than Jack's, and Teal'c looked a little surprised at how easily Jack could push him around. Jack had the idea Teal'c was probably used to being the dominant one in this kind of situation. One more difference between him and Daniel, Jack thought, as he lowered his mouth onto his own penis. Daniel may be a geek, but he was no lightweight. If Jack ever got him into bed, he figured they would be pretty evenly matched.

At the moment, though, Jack got a very sizeable thrill out of sucking on his own dick. Teal'c grunted above him as Jack did all his favourite things; closing his lips around the head, pushing hard with his tongue, nuzzling the little scar just above his groin that had been way too close for comfort. Jack felt Teal'c's hand on his bald head, a strange sensation that only served to convince Jack he wasn't about to shave his own head any time soon, then he stiffened and a moment later, Jack's mouth filled with his own semen.

He just hoped that one wouldn't show up on the barrage of medical tests he knew Janet was going to run when they got back to normal. If they got back to normal.

"O'Neill." Jack's voice sounded huskier and more dazed than usual.

"Yeah?"

"You are most skilled at that particular act."

"Don't sound so surprised." Teal'c hadn't been so bad himself.

"Although," Teal'c continued. "I do have one regret."

"What's that?" The symbiote seemed to be happy. Jack was already feeling better.

"That this room is not equipped with a mirror."

Jack hesitated a moment, then laughed. "Kinky, big guy." Although Jack had to admit, seeing Teal'c's mouth around his dick would have been a hell of a cheap thrill.

"Daniel Jackson is a most fortunate individual," Teal'c added, and Jack saw his lips quirk into that uniquely Teal'c smile.

Jack froze. "What do you mean by that?"

Teal'c ignored him and stood up. "You must continue to let the symbiote do its work. I will find out if there has been any progress in the search for Machello." Then he was gone, leaving Jack to stare blankly at the ceiling and think, if this was meditation, then maybe he'd go with Daniel to one of those kooky yoga classes sometime.

And maybe, when this was all over, he'd take Teal'c up on the kel-no- reem lessons, too.