By: Romel G. Palis, PMA '85
NOTE: This is Part II of the Romel G. Palis story. If you haven't read the first part as yet, it is suggested that you start from there before going to this part in order to appreciate this story better. Just point your mouse and click on Part I .
In December 1989, I was discharged from confinement at the AFP Medical Center. It was a time full of uncertainties for me. My spirit was at an all-time low and my confidence level hit rock bottom. I received my complete disability discharge (CDD) order from General Headquarters and despite my numerous appeals to have the orders reversed, I knew my military career was finished. There seemed to be no direction ahead in my life anymore. There was physical, social and emotional pain flowing inside me. To top it all, I felt sorry and took pity upon myself. Without the prayers of many who cared and the support of my own family, as well as Mayvelyn's and her family, it would have been extremely difficult to carry on with my life.
After almost a year in hospital confinement, I still had to continue with my physical rehabilitation as an outpatient. My body was still weak and my back was fragile that I could not tolerate sitting on long trips to commute between Los Banos and Quezon City. Seeing the difficulty I had to go through, my parents decided to rent a small apartment at the Teacher's Village in Quezon City which was near the AFP Medical Center. Although I gained some improvement, I was still very dependent on others for my needs in everyday activities. It came to a point that I did not like going to the hospital to see my physical therapist thrice a week for it only meant more of exercises and repetitive activities which caused a lot of pain.
During one of my treatment sessions, I met a soldier named Sergeant Dan Boldo who was also in a wheelchair and assigned in one of the desk jobs at the hospital. He befriended me and shared stories about his experiences and struggles - from the time he was injured in line of duty to hospital confinement and therapy, up to his assignment with the AFP Medical Center. After a few more meetings, he invited me to join him for an afternoon 'joy ride'. I found out later that we'd be going around the hospital grounds for wheelchair exercise. I explained to him about my weak back but he was very insistent. To my mind, I knew that he’d been in my situation before and that he knew what he’s doing and so I went along. He pushed me when he sensed I needed it and we'd stop whenever my back pain started to set in and then continue on. He taught me some simple exercises that I could do while sitting or just lying in bed.
Every afternoon that was exactly what went on. Every few meters we would stop and rest. He would wait for me, push me a little and continued on. He taught me how to negotiate different obstacles a person in a wheelchair would encounter, how to approach an uneven road, do a 'wheely' to get off or over a small roadblock, how to open a door, or pick up a small item dropped on the ground, etc. Slowly, I learned how to do things on my own. At the end of the day, Mayvelyn always had some snacks for my personal trainer and I.
My sisters and a brother in New Hampshire sent me a wheelchair. It was a used one but it was sturdy and lightweight. I began using it for my afternoon rides around the hospital and soon adapted to it. At that time, I was still receiving my salary from the armed forces and I used it to pay the services of a driver and a housekeeper. I was still dependent on others for most of my tasks and my back pain was still the biggest obstacle after long and continuous sitting. Although it meant more of pain and adjustment on my part, I realized that it was also during that time that I have slowly learned to see and and also accept that many things were going to be different for the rest of my life.
As time went by, there was significant improvement on my body's tolerance for longer sitting It was quite an achievement for me to go through 4 hours of straight sitting. I was also becoming good in getting around in my lightweight wheelchair. My goal then was to be able to sit in my chair continuously for at least 8 hours. It was impossible for my back not to hurt but I had to force myself to sit longer. This was what it takes to get back to the normal activities of living. God knows how much I wanted to have a job back preferably in one of the computer or desk jobs in the military.
With the thought of Mayvelyn leaving soon for the United States, I felt a need for more effort on my part to improve on my physical condition. She passed the CGFNS exam a few months before my unfortunate incident. The period of 1988-90 was a time of active recruitment of qualified nurses to work in US hospitals. On March 1990, Mayvelyn received a notification of employment in one of the hospitals in New York City. At that time, I have not as yet been cleared for honorable discharge from the service. And more importantly, my body was still too weak for long travels. I was very dependent on others especially in doing transfers from my wheelchair to a car, to a bed or even to a bath chair and vice-versa. I’ve learned to do simple things on my own. I could shift my body from one side to another while in bed, sit in bed and change clothes, or attend to personal hygiene. But realistically, I still had a lot of learning to do.
Mayvelyn resigned from her job as a clinical instructor at the Sacred Heart College in Lucena City. She attended to my health needs in our small apartment while finalizing her travel papers in Manila. We talked a lot about what the future might bring us. We had plans but everything else was still up in the air. There were a lot of "what if’s" mostly answered by a lot of "bahala na" (come what may). She did not have any close relatives in the East Coast but only friends who worked in hospitals around the New York-New Jersey area. Initially she signed up for the same hospital where her friends worked but the hospital quota was already filled up so she opted for the closest hospital in New York. That’s how she ended up working at the Beth Israel Medical Center. Mayvelyn had no idea back then that it was one of the biggest hospitals in Manhattan.
The week before her departure was a period of mixed feelings for us. On one hand we were happy for the opportunity she had but on the other hand, a new job for her in a foreign land also meant the sacrifice of having to live far apart from each other. In a way we thought that it was also a test for our relationship. If we were really meant for each other then time and distance won’t really matter. There were risks involved and sacrifices to make but we had to be practical, take our chances and hope for the best.
On May 21, 1990, Mayvelyn flew alone to the US on an H1 (working) visa. I hugged her tight and kissed her goodbye at the airport. Her parents and two sisters were there too to send her off. It was a very sad day for me. I waited for a week before I could continue with my regular hospital schedule. When she arrived in New York, Mayvelyn went to stay with her friends (the same friends whom I met in Lucena City when we first met) for a few weeks. May and I continued communicating by phone and through letters. A month after setting foot in the US, she moved into an apartment near the hospital where she worked. Then shortly after that her younger sister, an occupational therapist, was accepted for work in a nearby hospital and joined her in New York. I took comfort to the fact that her friends were taking very good care of her and that she was living with her sister.
Mayvelyn occupied herself by reviewing for the RN exam. Her hard work paid off when she passed the nursing board examination on her first attempt. It was also a good timing, immigration-wise, because a new legislation was passed by U.S. Congress at that time which qualified her to obtain permanent US residency status in a much shorter time. With that we agreed that it was better for her to obtain her green card before going back to the Philippines for a visit.
I continued my physical rehabilitation at the AFP Medical Center then later on with the National Orthopedic Hospital. As time went by, my daily therapy schedule soon became weekly, and then monthly until I can do most of my exercises at home. I still maintained my monthly visit to the AFP Medical Center for my periodic kidney/bladder (I only have less than a kidney left) check-up and regular blood work. By that time, I could already travel back and forth between Los Banos and Quezon City. That summer I also had a brief stay at the hospital for the final removal of the bullet that was embedded in my body. I was operated at the right lumbar area where the bullet was removed (the bullet entered my left side). Back at our home in Los Banos, an improvised overhead bar was placed in my bed which I used for anchor to help myself transfer to and from bed. I also used it for my everyday pull-up exercise. Everybody who knew me started to see some improvement in my body and my attitude. I started to gain weight and strength.
In early 1992, Mayvelyn received her green card and immediately requested for a much-deserved vacation to come home to the Philippines. She was granted a month of vacation and after two years of waiting, we were together again in May 1992. That was quite an emotional time for us because everything in between those years were mostly sacrifices for us. I really missed her so much and quite proud to show her a big, brown box filled with all her letters and cards chronologically arranged. She was happy to see the progress I’ve made during the time that we were apart. She returned back to New York in June 1992. Though most of the "what if’s" two years prior were answered, it was again a sad farewell for us. But she’s somehow relieved to know that I was not going to be alone too long because of my planned trip to join my parents in Burma. We both promised to be back in the Philippines that Christmas.
In 1992 my parents were stationed in Rangoon, Myanmar. My father, an agronomist, had been in foreign assignment since 1977, first as a United Nations Development Program (UNDP) project leader and then later on with International Rice Research Institute (IRRI) as a foreign representative. All of us in the family stayed in Burma at one time or another. My younger brothers and sisters stayed longer because they attended school there. I visited Burma when I was in high school and was looking forward my second visit to see the place again. In June 1992, two weeks after Mayvelyn left for the US, I packed my bag and headed to visit Burma again. That was my first trip via a commercial airline as a wheelchair bound passenger. For that trip I wanted to gauge and determine for myself if I can handle long travels. The flight from Manila to Rangoon was relatively short compared to the trip from Manila to New York but my first trip was an eye-opener where I learned about the arrangements and preparations I have to make for future, longer trips.
There were a few difficulties encountered but the airline crew assisted me for the first leg of my trip. My youngest brother, who grew to be bigger than everybody in my family, met me and my mother in Bangkok. He pushed my wheelchair and carried me when necessary during our overnight stay in Bangkok. The three of us boarded another plane the following day for Rangoon, Burma.
In Rangoon, I continued with my exercises and my afternoon ‘joy rides’. That second visit to Myanmar was very memorable. Aside from the opportunity to visit places and meet old friends, I met some very interesting people who introduced me to practicing meditation. Sometimes I joined in their meditation, with me more of a special student. I did not reach their level of deep meditation but they shared with me some great lessons in life that they put to practice everyday (mostly from the teachings of Buddha). I admired their discipline, wisdom and outlook relating to life in general. For my back pain, which they noticed early on, they said, "anything that cannot be cured must be endured".
My youngest brother was at that time finishing high school in Rangoon and was planning to attend college in Florida, USA. When he went to the US embassy to apply for US visa, I went along and applied too. He was given F-1 student visa and I was granted B-2 visitor’s visa. I returned to the Philippines in December 1992, just in time to meet Mayvelyn who came home to the Philippines for her Christmas vacation.
Mayvelyn and I spent the Christmas holiday together again in the Philippines. Actually, I did not have any plans yet to join her trip back to the US even though my B-2 visa was only a few months away from expiring. Some say I was being foolish not to grab the opportunity but at that time, I was still hoping that my appeal for CDD order reconsideration would work to my favor. My immediate goal then was to join the workforce again in one of the offices in either Camp Aguinaldo or Camp Crame. But reality soon dawned on me. Mayvelyn and I had a long serious conversation wherein I expressed my frustrations because things were not working out for me. All I was looking for was just one good break to prove that I can still be as productive as anybody else in the workplace - a break that I did not get. On February 1993, a week before Mayvelyn was scheduled to leave again for New York, I decided that it was about time for me to go with her and try my luck in America.
I called my parents in Myanmar and my sisters and brothers in the US and told them about my decision. That decision turned out to be a turning point in our lives. Luckily, the timing for me to travel in February couldn’t be better. The flight from Manila to Narita was full. But there were many vacant seats on our flight from Narita to the US. The moment that the plane went airborne, I lied down to rest my back for that long trip to the New York City.
It was very cold when I arrived at New York's JFK airport on Feb 4, 1993. My older brother and sister met us at the airport. In anticipation, they brought along two thick sweaters and a winter jacket for me to wear in layers. That is because there are some very tiny fragments from the bullet that hit me which remained embedded within my spinal canal. It causes a painful and stinging sensation when I am not properly clothed especially during winter.
After a few days of rest and adjustment in the city, May and I went to visit my older sister in New Hampshire and an older brother in Boston. Back then, I still needed more time to adjust to the cold winter of Northeast US. After a few weeks, we then decided that it was better for me to stay with my younger sister and brother in Florida. The main reason was because at that time, I was still not physically strong enough to do things on my own. Mayvelyn's apartment was not handicap accessible and so I would still be too dependent on her in almost everything I needed to do.
Part of my decision was that in Florida, I can continue on my upper body strengthening and will have easy access to explore the opportunities to start on a new career. My younger brother can assist me for my physical needs and I can in turn help him in his schoolwork. Mayvelyn has to stay in New York because of work but she was feeling pretty good of this arrangement because she was able to regularly visit me and spend vacation in sunny Florida.
I stayed in Lakeland, Florida which is a nice community located between Tampa and Orlando. My schedule slowly filled up with activities that built on my overall rehabilitation goals. I continued with my monthly blood work and regular kidney check-up. I also made sure that I attended regular church services. I became a regular at the community pool and gym that was just near the place where I lived. A big part of my stay in Lakeland was the opportunity to join a support group of people with disabilities. That support group of around 20 met on a regular basis where we gave help and encouragement to each other. I learned a lot from other wheelchair bound participants especially from those who are also suffering from severe back pains like me.
Apparently, the pain I suffered was common to people with spinal cord injuries. The pain I’m experiencing can be described as a combination of burning, twisting and stabbing sensation which starts from my lower back (point of spinal cord injury) and radiates down to my left leg. There are days that the pain I feel occurs more frequently than normal. Through time I have developed more tolerance to pain that is why it seems that I’m not hurting. Oftentimes, I just massage my back or arch a little to help ease the feeling. But there are occasions though that the pain gets so severe that I have to apply hot compress to my back and rest in bed for the whole day.
I slowly gained a level of independence that also made me feel more confident in reaching my goal. I started to use a back brace that is worn under clothing and it helps in giving heat and support to an aching back. I learned how to transfer unassisted from (and to) my wheelchair to my bed, to a car, to a bath chair, etc. I bought a removable hand-driving control that was attached to my sister’s car. On weekends I drove around our neighborhood for practice. As strength developed, I also did my part in doing house chores. My older brother did some carpentry work that made the house wheelchair accessible. I was able to do some cooking, did dishes, watering of plants, helped in car washing, and practically all things that were done for me by others when I was still in the Philippines. And of course I was always requested to accompany my other brothers, sisters and friends whenever they visited the many theme parks in Orlando and Tampa. With me, they didn't have to fall in line for the rides and shows at EPCOT, Disneyland, Universal Studios, Sea World, Bush Gardens, etc.
Aside from physical rehab, I also explored the possibilities of going back to school again to learn new skills in preparation for a new career. There is a campus of Tampa College near our home in Lakeland that offers a course in Computer Information Systems. I thought that it would be a perfect fit for my plans that Mayvelyn and I have been talking about when we were in the Philippines. And when it looked like that all the things I wanted to happen are slowly being realized, I was convinced that it’s just a matter of determination on my part to succeed here. The US is truly a land of opportunities.
Mayvelyn and I continually communicated by phone and she visited me regularly in Lakeland. Later on, I became confident and strong enough to travel alone from Florida to New York and vice-versa. Among the many plans that May and I have been talking about for some time was marriage. As our plans were slowly taking shape, we have been talking more and more about it. Finally, with the blessings of our parents, we were married in a very simple ceremony in a small chapel in downtown New York City on December 27, 1993.
It was 18 degrees F in the city when we were married. But the bitter cold did not stop us from doing what‘s right and best for us. Even before our marriage, we were deciding on where to settle - either in Lakeland or New York City. We assessed our situation, our needs, and our future together, etc. Even other factors like snow accumulation, climate, cost of living, width of doors, cost of apartments, income potential, taxes, leisure time, ease of travel, etc., were taken into the equation. We then decided that eventually the ideal place for us was New York City though for that moment, I had to continue with planned activities in Lakeland until I was ready to move.
May and I flew back to the Philippines on Jan 19, 1994. May and I reflected that just a couple of years back, most of our talks hovered around uncertainties, the ‘what-ifs’ and ‘bahala na’. By the grace of God, everything started to become clear for us. I gathered all my work, medical and school records that I may eventually needed in the US. I also applied for F-1 student visa at the US Embassy in Manila so that I can attend school at Tampa College. At the same time Mayvelyn filed for a petition for my permanent US residency. After a month of preparation, we flew back together to New York. My first trip to the US was to explore the opportunities and work on body strengthening. The second trip was to start working on a new career. I stayed for a few more months with her in New York until it was time for me to go and start my studies at Tampa College.
Every semestral break, Mayvelyn and I spent time with each other. Again it's either May who spent vacation days in Florida or I had to fly to New York City. In order to save on airfare, we availed of low airfare carriers of mostly cramped flights from Tampa to New York and back. On my second year of study, Mayvelyn was able to move to a more accessible apartment unit in the same building where we lived. The new unit was wheelchair accessible and just the right-sized apartment for us.
Two years went just like a breeze and I was finally able to finished my Computer Information System studies at Tampa College. On graduation day, I delivered the valedictorian’s speech in front of a pack hall at Lakeland Civic Center. Towards the end of my speech I surprised my wife by asking her to stand up so the crowd can see as I thanked her. She received a standing ovation.
In June 1996, I finally moved to NYC for good. In order to complement my initial CIS studies, I enrolled at the Baruch College of the City University of NY and took Bachelor in Business Administration. At the same time I was also accepted at Columbia University’s 2-year Computer Technology and Applications Program. Both universities are located in Manhattan and I commuted to both campuses via wheelchair accessible city buses. I was a full-time student for another 2½ years (a number of my PMA and Tampa College units were credited for transfer). There was a period that I was a working student which stretched my typical weekday from 8:30 a.m. up to around 9:00 p.m.. Saturdays were devoted to finishing lab works and projects. It was tough especially during winter but thankfully, I finished my courses. I graduated from the CTA program in spring 1998 with straight ‘A’ grades. A semester later, I finished at Baruch College with Magna Cum Laude honors.
While studying, I qualified for the internship program at Baruch College that opened the door for me to gain work experience with one of the participating companies around the city. I was assigned at the Time Warner Cable Information Systems Department. After a semester of internship, I was retained by the company to work with the same department. Luckily, Mayvelyn’s INS petition for me was approved and I was able to get my work permit that allowed me to be gainfully employed in the US. I switched all my classes to evening schedule so that I could continue working during the day. After a year of IT work experience with Time Warner, I joined the Information Resources Department of Consolidated Edison of New York in June 1998. I am currently working as a Computer Systems Analyst with the Application Services Section of the department. Mayvelyn is still working at the same NYC hospital where she first started in 1990.
Everyday is still a challenge for me. I push myself on my wheelchair everyday to work in the morning and after work - a good 5 city blocks of everyday exercise. My afternoon ‘joy rides’ are now an all day ride. I have not resorted to using a motorized wheelchair because my doctor and therapist wanted me to maintain the strength of my upper body and also have a regular body and cardiovascular exercise. There are occasions that I find myself thinking about that unfortunate incident that changed my life overnight. One of the most important things I learned is not to give up easily to pain brought about by my disability, and physical limitations that is part of that irreversible change. And in order to do that, I have to engage in activities and interests that shifts my life’s focus away from it.
Now, I still do the things I have to do, maybe slower and different than before but I strive to accomplish the same things all the same. Of course, I’m not perfect. Obviously without Mayvelyn and our families, I do not know where I would be now. I still commit mistakes, and I am still experiencing severe back pains. The occurrence and degree of pain is the same after all these years. There were occasions that I literally fell from my wheelchair because of my miscalculation or because I try to overdo things. Well, that’s part of my life being in a wheelchair. I know I’ll fall again but at least I try not to. I’m still learning in many ways. In our bedroom door, I have a small poster that serves as a constant reminder. It reads "Keep your head and your heart going to the right direction and you’ll not have to worry about your feet".
I think life in general is like being in a wheelchair. We push ourselves everyday in pursuit of our own goals. Sometimes the road ahead may be full of potholes; sometimes it may be smooth and even. Along the way, there are trials similar to falling off from a wheelchair. When you are down it may be a struggle to get up. Depending on your fall, getting up may hurt too. But we just have to keep on trying.
*** Honolulu, Hawaii/18 Aug 2000/The Hawaiian WebMaster
[ Return To Previous Page ]
