Chapter Ten: I Will Never Be The Same
Lark and Em's apartment
"Hold riiight...there," Lark put a last hairpin in Emily's hair then stepped back, surveying her work. She tilted her head, examining Emily critically, then a slow smile spread across her face. "You look amazing, if I do say so myself," she grinned as Emily twirled in front of her.
"You don't look so bad yourself," Emily retorted, grabbing Lark's hand and pulling her in front of the full-length mirror in their bathroom, sliding her arm around her friend's waist. She thought, looking at the two of them, side by side, that they could almost be mirror opposites. Lark's wearing an ankle-length, fire-engine red sheath in a silky fabric that clings softly to every curve and drapes beautifully across her shoulders. Her heavy dark hair's loose about her shoulders, in soft waves, and her thin gold bracelet matches the thin gold chain around her neck, both presents from Jason. Emily, by contrast, is wearing a vintage, dark purple, sleeveless gown in two layers; the bottom layer could almost be a short silk slip that barely skims her knees while the top layer is all chiffon and beaded embroidery -- the guy at the boutique where she'd bought it had claimed it dated back to the twenties. Her hair was swept up loosely on top of her head, stray wisps loose around her face, and her only jewelry was a pair of antique amethyst earrings she had borrowed from Lila. Emily grinned and bumped her hip against Lark's. "We're a pair, huh?"
"That we are, girlfriend," Lark met Emily's eyes in the mirror. "Lucky and Jason are two extremely, pardon the pun, lucky young gentlemen," Lark spoke in a prissy tone that Emily recognized as a dead on imitation of her grandmother, Mary Collins. "'Course how lucky Jason gets depends on whether he's wearing that damn leather jacket tonight," she added, in her own voice.
Emily laughed and let go of Lark's waist, turning away from the mirror and leaning against the sink as she regarded her roommate. "I thought you liked Jason in leather," she said, having given up on trying to impress upon Lark the fact that Jason was her brother, and the idea of him getting 'lucky', in any sense of the word, was not her favorite topic of conversation.
"Oh, I do," Lark responded, leaning in towards the mirror and fixing a small lipstick smudge, before turning back to Emily. "Believe me," she smiled wickedly, "I do. Just not when we're sitting with my grandmother and my father at the Nurses' Ball. They're not the biggest Jason Morgan fans as it is; leather evening wear isn't gonna go real far in endearing him to them."
Emily's other eyebrow shot up. "You care what Mary and Frank think? Wow. You and Jason must be even more serious than I thought."
Lark blushed, uncharacteristically, and looked down, studying the bathroom tile. "Yeah," she said softly, then looked up, "I think it is. Pretty serious, I mean. Jason, he's it, Em. The, you know, one." Lark rolled her eyes at herself, then looked at Emily, as if to ask 'is it okay'?
"I think," Emily said carefully, "that my brother is a really lucky guy." She leaned forward, kissing Lark lightly on the cheek. "And, I also think," she drew back, "we better stop right here or I'm going to have to re-do my make-up, and I really, really don't want to have to do that," Emily laughed lightly, and Lark joined in, after squeezing her friend's hand tightly.
Just then a knock at the door interrupted the two of them, and Lark hastily but carefully swiped at her eyes. "That is probably Lucky, since Jason is never early. You stay here, do any last minute whatevers, and I'll go get the door." She paused in the doorway to the bathroom, and looked back at Emily. "Hey," Lark smiled, "love you, Em."
"You too," Emily responded softly, turning back to the mirror only as Lark left. She could hear her greeting Lucky, the murmur of voices from the living room, a low, quick laugh from his throat. Emily looked at the girl in the mirror, reaching out to trace the reflection of her cheek lightly. "Showtime," she whispered, paused a moment, then turned and headed for the living room.
Lucky stood up as Emily entered the room, catching his breath at the sight of her. "Em, you look-- I mean, I never--" He started breathing again, as Emily smiled and became someone familiar again instead of this incredible vision that had drifted into the room.
Lark chuckled from the doorway, and looked at Emily. "And you keep telling me he's such a smartie. The boy can't even make a whole sentence." She looked back and forth between Emily and Lucky, and laughed again, shaking her head. "I'll see the two of you at the Ball; I'm meeting Jason at Mary and Victor's, and I don't him to get there before me." She grabbed her purse and car keys, and looked at Emily. "See you," she called and skipped out before Emily could call her back.
Emily turned back to Lucky, who's eyes hadn't moved from contemplation of her, and her hand flew to her hair, nervously.
Lucky took a step towards her, then stopped. "I thought I knew what beautiful was, until tonight," he said, softly. Lucky shook his head. "I had no clue. You look -- amazing, Em."
"You clean up pretty well yourself, Spencer," Emily murmured, looking at him. In his time away from Port Charles, Lucky had lost any baby fat he'd had left; he'd become leaner, slightly taller, and his eyes -- his eyes were so much older. Standing in front of her now, in his tuxedo, the full force of his blue eyes trained on her, her breath caught in her throat. "Lucky..." she whispered, then trailed off.
He took a second step in her direction, closing the distance between them, then leaned forward, brushing his lips softly, gently, deliberately against hers. Lucky lifted his head, holding his arm out to her. "Ready?" he asked her.
Emily looked at him, then slipped her arm through his with a long, slow smile. "Yeah," she said, "I am." Arm in arm, Lucky and Emily walked out of the apartment together.
outside the ball
"Last chance," Carly grabbed Taggert's arm as he reached out to open the car door. "I mean, we walk in there together, and everyone's actually gonna know you're with me."
Marcus grinned, then opened his door, walked around the car and opened the passenger door for Carly. "Good," he said, reaching out and taking her hand, bringing it to his lips as he helped her out of the car. "I like being the object of everyone's envy -- good for my image," he teased.
"How 'bout the object of everyone's ridicule?" she murmured, adjusting her hair nervously with her hand. "I'm not exactly Port Charles' favorite daughter, you know."
"Carly, the way you look tonight, the last thing anyone's going to be doing is laughing," Marcus said gently, his eyes reflecting only honesty as they traced her, head to toe. Carly's wine-red satin strapless gown hugged her until just above her hips, where it flared out into a wide skirt, with a slight train in the back. She clutched a gauzy shawl about her bare shoulders, her hair caught up on either side with glittering garnet clips, a matching necklace laying flat against her neck. Taggert was right; there was nothing laughable about Carly Benson tonight. She looked, as her brother Lucas had said earlier, 'like something out of a fairy-tale'. Of course, Luke, at the Brownstone to pick up Bobbie and Roy, had added under his breath 'a fairy tale from hell', but that was just Luke.
Carly spun around with a laugh, her eyes sparkling back at Marcus. "Anyone ever tell you you've got a way with words, Marcus Taggert?" she asked him, her voice teasingly light.
Marcus was about to respond when Carly groaned, looking over her shoulder, and he turned to see the Quartermaines descending on them en masse. He slid his arm protectively around Carly's waist, forcing a smile that became real when Dara Ashton broke forward from the crowd of her inlaws to step up and lay a kiss on Marcus' cheek.
"Hey there, godfather," she grinned, her hands on her very pregnant, gold and green silk-covered belly. "Carly," Dara nodded neutrally.
"Dara," Carly parroted back, in an almost identical tone of voice. "Ned," she nodded at the man standing beside Dara, "next time you wanna play pool, you know, I'm available," she grinned.
"I think I'll pass," Ned said, sliding his arms around Dara, covering her hands with his. "My ego's still bleeding from the last time." He smiled companionably at Carly, greeting Marcus with a tilt of his chin.
"Mama," called a small voice from the middle of the Q crowd, as Michael dropped his father's hand and ran to Carly.
She crouched down, heedless of her dress, and wrapped her arms around her son. "Hey there, baby," Carly smiled. "You ready for your big number with Daddy tonight?" she asked him, fixing the little bow-tie that she'd sent over to AJ and Eve's earlier, when Michael had gone to their place to get ready for the Nurses' Ball.
"He and I have been practicing all day," AJ said, stepping forward to greet his ex-wife. "Hello, Carly; how are you?"
"Fine, thanks," she stood up, still holding Michael by the hand. "Michael's been talking about your song for weeks; I can't wait to see it," Carly smiled, running her hand over Michael's head protectively. "AJ," she turned to Taggert at her side, "you know Marcus. Marcus, do you know AJ's wife, Eve?" Carly made introductions cordially, determined to be, at the very least, polite for Michael's sake.
"We've met," Marcus extended his free arm towards Eve. "It's good to see you again, Dr. Lambert. Or, uh, is it Quartermaine?"
Eve smiled. "Mrs. Quartermaine, Dr. Lambert. I use my maiden name professionally. AJ, honey, we should probably go in," she nodded at Alan and Monica, standing at the doorway. "Your parents are waiting for us." Eve wound her arm possessively through AJ's; even though she knew she had no real threat to worry about from Carly, there was a little part of her that nevertheless got really anxious whenever Carly turned her dark brown eyes on her husband.
Carly managed to hide her smirk as AJ and Eve turned from each other to her. She ran her hand over Michael's cheek and bent down to plant a kiss on top of his head. "Go on with Daddy and Eve, now; I'll be watching, baby." Michael kissed her back and ran to grab AJ's hand. "I'll pick him up sometime after noon tomorrow," Carly called after them, and then turned back to Marcus. She let out a loud sigh, leaning her forehead against his chest, with a small moan.
Marcus laughed. "You ran the gauntlet pretty damn well, Carly," he laughed, sliding his arms around her. He was bending down to kiss her when Carly felt him freeze and lifted her head.
As she turned around, still in his arms, Carly saw a limo she knew very, very well, and she could feel all the tension that had just drained out of her body with Marcus' laughter re-enter full force. "I don't wanna do this, Marcus," she whispered, then faced him. "Not tonight, not now. Let's just go inside, okay?"
"Then that's what we'll do," Marcus turned with Carly towards the entrance to the Nurses' Ball, both of them pointedly ignoring the two people getting out of the limousine behind them. As Marcus' arm slid tightly around Carly, he tried to quiet the voice inside his head that whispered that Carly hadn't behaved this way with AJ; it was only Sonny. Always Sonny. He shook his head, holding her tighter. Carly was here with him tonight; Corinthos was her past. And, that's all he was. And, if he kept repeating it to himself, sooner or later, both he and Carly would believe it.
"It's okay, they're gone now. We can actually get out of the car," Alexis said, looking over Sonny's shoulder and out the window, her face expressionless.
Sonny started to deny that he'd been waiting for Carly and Taggert to turn and walk away before getting out of the limo, then gave up, knowing Alexis would see through it anyway. "I want this night to start off on a good note," he said, meeting her eyes. "Put me and Carly together, that's not what you get."
"It's alright, Sonny; I wasn't asking for explanations," Alexis looked away. "Let's go in, if you're ready."
Sonny watched Alexis for a silent moment, then nodded at Johnny who promptly stepped out, opening the door for him. Sonny got out first, then reached back in the car, helping Alexis. As she emerged from the car, he took in her midnight blue silk gown that skimmed lightly over her shoulders and fell elegantly to her ankles, her hair in a soft French knot at the back of her head, the diamond earrings that sparkled in her ears like stars caught from the night to rest in her hair. Sonny smiled, slowly, and caught her eye. "You look incredibly beautiful tonight," he said, tilting his head to brush her lips with his. "This is how I wanted the evening to begin," Sonny murmured, his lips very close to hers.
Alexis smiled, unwillingly. Sonny got to her, every damn time. She let out a breath, letting her tension out with it. "That, Mr. Corinthos, is a very good start indeed," she said, sliding her arm into his. "Let's hope the rest of the evening lives up to it's beginning."
backstage, a while later
Lucky turned as he felt two arms slide around him from behind, and his face broke into a wide grin as he came face to face with Lucy Coe-Cassadine. "Lucy!" Lucky exclaimed, and hugged her lightly. "It's really good to see you. I hope you don't mind; Em said it would be okay if I stood back here to watch her."
Lucy shook her head, tears bright in her eyes as she looked at Lucky, her hands sliding up to cup his face lightly. "Lucky Spencer, you could stand in the middle of the stage in your underwear, and I would not mind as long as you were alive," she proclaimed. "Do you know how good it is to see you?"
Lucky laughed. "Isn't standing in the middle of the stage in underwear your job?" he teased. "It's good to be home," he added, quietly.
"I know that your father is so very happy that you're here. So are a lot of other people," Lucy gestured with her chin, and Lucky turned around to see Emily in the wings across from them whispering something to Karen Wexler-Ramsey and then laughing quietly.
"She's so beautiful," Lucky whispered, hardly aware he'd said the words out loud.
"Emily's been a wonderful help with the Nurses' Ball," Lucy said softly, watching him watching her with a small smile on her face. "She's got lots of experience, volunteering in the Pediatrics AIDS ward, and I truly do not think I could have done this without her this year."
"She's a really good person," Lucky added, his eyes still trained on Emily. "I just -- I don't want to hurt her by putting too much of my own problems on her. Em deserves more than that."
Lucy slid her arms over Lucky's shoulders, hugging him lightly from behind. She bent her head to speak in his ear. "I've been married more than once, Lucky, and I've been in love more times than I can count. But, the man I'm married to, the man I'll love until I die, he's the one who picked me up when I was at the lowest point in my life and held me and didn't tell me everything was going to be okay, but just waited by my side until it was. He was strong enough to make my problems his own and let me share his, in return." She lifted her head, placing a gentle kiss on Lucky's cheek. "Just something to think about." Lucy squeezed his shoulders lightly, as he turned his head to meet her gaze. "It really is good to see you, Lucky," she said softly, then slipped away.
Lucky turned back to Emily, watching her as she walked across the stage into the spotlight, and stepped up to the microphone.
Emily smiled at the audience, waiting for the chatter to die down. She glanced to her side, finding Lucky, and smiled sweetly at him, before she turned back out to the crowd and began to speak. "When Lucy first asked me to sing this song, I was a little bit confused; I'd always thought of this as a love song," she began, her voice clear and gentle. "But, after I started working on it, I realized that what it really is is a song about people who come into your life and change it. Make it more, or better, or different than it was before. You have to hold onto those people, even when they leave you. That's -- that's something that those of us in this room who've been touched by this disease, by AIDS, have to do, if we want to win this fight -- hold onto what we've learned from the people we've lost to AIDS, hold onto what they've given us." Emily paused, her gaze sweeping across the room. "And, so, I'd like to dedicate this song to the first person who made this disease real for me, a person who gave many of us here tonight things we'll always hold onto. For Stone." Emily turned, as if to signal the music to begin, then turned back to face the audience again. "You know," she said, softly, "on second thought, maybe this is a love song, after all." She nodded at the man at the piano, waited as he played the first introductory strains, closed her eyes, and began.
~So you walked with me for a while In the morning of the night At the Quartermaine table, Edward turned to Lila, lifting her hand to his mouth wordlessly. After more than thirty years, there was no need for words; a touch, a glance, and that was all that was needed to say 'I love you, I love our family; don't ever leave me'.
Alan slid his hand under the table, finding Monica's. Their fingers twined together as they faced the stage, a mixture of pride and sadness on their faces. Pride in their beautiful, strong daughter; sadness that the boy she'd dedicated this song to, gone these five years, had been barely older than her when he'd left this world forever.
Eve leaned back against her husband as AJ slipped his arms around his wife, dropping his head to rest against hers as he watched his baby sister sing. "When did she go and grow up on me?" he murmured to Eve, sliding his hand over Michael's hair as his son slept in his step-mother's arms. He lifted his eyes across the room, meeting Carly's gaze, knowing that in that moment they were both thinking of children who grew up too fast, and smiled gently at his ex-wife, mother of his child, then turned his head back to his wife's, pressing his lips softly against her check as he held her close.
~But I, I will never be the same Secrets of your life Luke bent his lips to Laura's ear. "Devil, huh?" he whispered. "Remind you of anyone?" She laughed, soundlessly, and lifted her hand to his lips, sliding it up to cover his cheek as she leaned back into his waiting embrace, needing to feel his arms around her. She shivered slightly, thinking of the devil that had haunted their son for so long, and Luke's arms tightened around his wife. "It's okay, now, baby," he whispered in her ear. "Everything's gonna be okay." Luke turned his head until his lips met Laura's palm, kissing it gently. "Our boy's home, and I think," he nodded at the stage, "maybe young Miss Emily's quieted whatever devils he's still got ridin' him. Laura," he kissed her temple, as she relaxed against him, "it's really gonna be okay."
Carly turned from her son, to look at the people surrounding her; Emily's song was making her really want to know she was loved, tonight. She looked at Luke and Laura, lost in each other, her mother and Roy, Lucas sitting between them, easy tears in Bobbie's eyes and Roy's hand loosely draped around both mother and son, and at the man sitting beside her. She reached out, placing her hand over Marcus', needing to feel his hand in hers, needing someone to touch her. He responded by squeezing her hand lightly, and Carly smiled, softly. This was her family, and her friends; she was loved. Without conscious volition, Carly's eyes drifted across the room to Sonny's table and the empty chair beside him.
~But I, I will never be the same And you swore that you were bound for glory Sonny felt his breath catch in his throat; he'd forgotten what this night could do to him, how it could be a painful reminder of everyone he'd lost. He leaned forward, his fingers catching on Alexis' empty chair; she was still backstage, not having come back yet after her number. Sonny looked across the table at Jason, who had brought Lark over to his table right before Emily had started to sing, because she had wanted a better view of her roommate. Lark was leaning back in Jason's arms, languidly, his own strong arms wrapped around her, their fingers twined, the ring Jason had placed on Lark's finger earlier that night sparkling in the candlelight. Jason bent his head to press his lips to Lark's head, and Sonny made a small noise in his throat, standing up abruptly. "I'm sorry," he whispered as Jason and Benny turned to look at him. "I've gotta get out of here." With that, Sonny slipped unobtrusively away from the table, and out the doors into the lobby.
Carly, across the room, followed him with her eyes. She leaned over to Taggert, without thinking of what she was doing, and whispered to him that she had to go the restroom, and stood up, following Sonny out.
~But I, I will never be the same Carly caught up with Sonny in the lobby, his head in his hands as he leaned against the railing of the stairs. She paused, then walked over to him, laying her hands gently on his shoulders, wordlessly.
Sonny tensed, then turned abruptly, his face tear stained, and slid into Carly's waiting arms as if coming home, dropping his head to her shoulder as she held him, stroking his hair gently. After a long moment, Sonny pulled away, running a hand over his face. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice raspy. "I didn't mean to--"
"Sonny, it's okay," Carly said quietly. "This is me, remember? I slept beside you for year," she looked down, then up at him again, "I know your nightmares as well as I know my own." Carly paused, not thinking about how easy this was, how familiar, just -- trying to make it better for the man in front of her, because in spite of herself and in spite of him, that was her first instinct when it came to Sonny. "Thinkin' about Stone?" she asked, softly, her voice a whisper.
Sonny hesitated, then nodded, once. God, she knew him, just like he knew her. Knew every dark corner, every nightmare, everything that haunted him in the nights. Which is why he could do this, talk to her now, like he could with no one else in this world. "Yeah," he whispered roughly. Sonny rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. "He's always with me, you know, but usually, it doesn't -- hit me like this. It's just tonight, and Emily singing that song--"
Sonny broke off, and Carly stepped into him, her hands rising without conscious thought to brush the tears from his cheeks with the heels of her palms. She lifted her head, as his arms slid around her, holding her close, holding her like a drowning man holds a life jacket. Carly tilted her head, not thinking, not weighing the consequences, just -- doing. Being. And, she brought her lips to Sonny's as his mouth dropped down to cover hers in a kiss that was tender and giving and comfort and home, all at once.
It wasn't until Sonny had lifted his head to look searchingly into her eyes, and Carly had slid her arms around him, finding the soft curls at the nape of his neck, that either of them noticed Marcus and Alexis, both standing in the lobby entrance, both wearing identical expressions on their faces. And, by then, it was far, far, far too late.
*Song Credit* "I Will Never Be The Same" -- Melissa Etheridge
Bared your naked soul
And you told me of your plan
How you would never let them know
You cried a long lost child
And I tried oh I tried to hold you
But you were young
And you were wild~
Oh I, I will never be the same
Caught in your eyes
Lost in your name
I will never be the same
I never wanted for myself
But you guarded them like a lie
Placed up on the highest shelf
In the morning of the night
When I woke to find you gone
I knew your distant devil
Must be draggin' you along~
Oh I, I will never be the same
Caught in your eyes
Lost in your name
I will never be the same
And for wanting you had no shame
But I loved you
And then I lost you
And I will never be the same~
Oh I, I will never be the same
Caught in your eyes
Lost in your name
I will never be the same~*
