Chapter Nine: Baby Steps
Courtney's house
Courtney reached across the kitchen table, clinking the neck of her bottle against Carly's. "Here's to no kids. And beer. And, the end of this hellish day," she announced, taking a long swig.
Carly loosed the kerchief covering her hair, wearily, joining Courtney in a drink. "Amen to that," she said, leaning back in her chair and closing her eyes. "Remind me again why we took Charisse Rouley, aka the Stupidest Woman in the World, as a client?"
"I quote, and I'm quoting you, babe," Courtney gestured across the table as Carly groaned, knowing that her own words were about to come back and haunt her, "'anytime we can pull business away from the stick-up-their-asses Charity Guild decorators, we do it'. That one was your call, Carly. Don't blame me for this one."
Carly dropped her head to Courtney's kitchen table with a moan. "You were dumb enough to actually listen to me," she protested, her voice muffled. "What kind of idiot actually thinks that a Gone With the Wind themed party complete with hoop skirts and corsets and little black 'slaves' running around is a good idea? In July??" She banged her forehead against the table, then lifted it long enough to take a long sip of beer.
"You talked her out of that disaster, though, Carly," Courtney cajoled. "Hey, you know, the woman may be an idiot and a tasteless idiot at that, but she's payin' up front and she's probably the biggest name client we've had yet. It's not all bad." Carly gave her a look across the table, and Courtney laughed, standing up and pushing her chair back. "C'mon, come look at my Nurse's Ball dress and tell me the latest gossip about you and the Commish."
Carly didn't move from her seat; she just looked at Courtney. "Court, can we just -- not talk about Marcus tonight? I can't think of anything less guaranteed to make my headache go away than talking about my screwed up love life."
"At least you're admitting you're having a relationship, or whatever," she hastened to add as Carly shot her a look, "with the guy. Last time I brought it up, you were all 'oh, no, Courtney we're not dating; I'm still hung up on my jerk ex-husband'." Courtney opened the refrigerator door, pulling out a couple more beers, then settling down as Carly showed no signs of moving. She busied herself with the bottle opener, carefully not looking at Carly as she spoke. "That's -- not still an issue, is it?" Carly didn't answer, and Courtney looked at her sharply. "Is it, Carly?"
"God, Courtney, I said I don't wanna do this!" Carly snapped, her eyes flashing. Both women were silent a long moment, then Carly spoke, her words soft, and rushing out of her like a torrent. "I'm tryin' so hard to put Sonny behind me, to move on. But, every time I feel Marcus' lips on mine, Sonny's damned eyes are in my head." She shook her head as if she could shake the spectre of Sonny out of the hidden corners of her brain. "He's moved on; he's seeing someone else. Alexis fucking Davis, of all people, Miss Prim and Proper. So, why the hell is he inside my head, whenever I close my eyes?" Carly demanded, not really expecting an answer, but needing to voice the question.
"I'm -- probably gonna hate myself for saying this," Courtney said slowly, into the silence that Carly's words framed. "Look, you know exactly what I think of Sonny, okay? But, that's not -- it's not the point." She sighed, putting down the bottle in her hand and reaching across the table to cover Carly's hands with hers. "Maybe there is something to this whole destiny thing, you know? If anyone should believe that you're fated to be with someone, it's me. Look at me and Frank; we fought it, we fought each other, we almost destroyed each other, and we ended up in the same place we started, in each other's arms. And, once we accepted that it was where we were meant to be, life was good. Better than good." She squeezed Carly's hands, her words coming out reluctantly. "Maybe it's the same with you and the dimpled idiot."
Carly shook her head once, tears bright in her eyes but not spilling onto her cheeks. "I don't believe in destiny, Courtney. Not anymore. God, Jason was supposed to be my destiny, and look how that turned out! He's with your step-daughter, and I -- I really don't care that much, anymore," she admitted. "And, Sonny," Carly paused, and closed her eyes, "Sonny can't love me the way I need him to. If he's my destiny, he's a shitty one. I need -- more than he's willing or able to give me." She opened her eyes, looking at Courtney, one tear spilling down over her cheek. "Sonny can't be the man I need him to be; that's why I left him."
Courtney rubbed her friend's hands soothingly. She bit her lip, then shrugged and asked it; subtlety had never been one of her strong suits. "Can Taggert?" she asked bluntly.
Carly let go of Courtney's hands, leaning back in her chair with a sigh and running one hand through her hair. "I don't know. I'm willing to let him try, if he wants to. And, Sonny Corinthos can take his damn eyes and go to hell," she asserted, a little too strongly.
"I'll be more than happy to drive him there and drop him off," Courtney offered with a grin, and Carly let out a small laugh. "So," she stood up, "come look at my dress, tell me about yours, and we'll forget all about Sonny Corinthos, okay?"
"Easier said than done," Carly mumbled, but stood up, following Courtney out of the room. It was a baby step, but it was a step.
the park
Emily turned her head as she jogged down the path through the middle of the park; she loved Daylight's Savings Time. The sun had barely begun to set as she started her run; she didn't have to race through the park anymore, hoping to get home before darkness fell. And, the sunsets were amazing; they reminded her of Arizona. She had just turned back to the path when she ran straight into someone coming the opposite way.
"I'm sorry; that was totally my fault. I wasn't--" Emily broke off as she brushed herself off, bending down to pick up her Walkman, and looking up at the person in front of her. "Juan. Wow, long time, no see." She smiled ruefully. "This feels awfully familiar."
"Guess we're just destined to 'run into' one another," Juan smiled back, holding her elbow for her as she stood up. "How've you been, Em?"
"Pretty good. Not as good as you though; I heard you had a sold-out set at Jakes' the other night. Ned and Dara said you were really good," Emily offered, looking at him.
"Yeah, it was cool," Juan said, shoving his hands in his pockets. "It was cool of them to come, too. I'm playing again in a couple of weeks; you should come."
"Maybe I will. Thanks for the invitation, Juan." Emily paused, searching for conversation. What did you say to your first boyfriend, six months after you'd broken up with him? "So, are you going to the Nurse's Ball this weekend?"
He nodded. "Yeah, Sonny asked me to sit at his table; it was pretty nice of him." Juan grinned. "And, Taggert hates it, one more reason to definitely do it. What about you? You'll be there, right?"
"I'll be there," she confirmed, with a smile. "Actually -- I'm singing, so I'm kind of obligated to be there," Emily laughed.
"You'll be really good, I'm sure. You were last year." Juan looked at her; last year, they'd gone to the Nurse's Ball together, back when she'd been his 'girlfriend'. A lot had changed since then; a lot hadn't. Emily was still incredibly beautiful, but even more so. "You know, Em, since you're going and I'm going, maybe we could--"
"Juan." Emily held up a hand; she saw the light in his eyes and was cutting this one off at the pass. "We tried this once before, and remember what we found out? When the thrill of annoying our parents or whatever passes for them wore off, we didn't have all that much in common, you and I. That's not going to have changed," she said softly, knowing that then and now she had recognized this before he had.
"We're older now, Emily, not two kids looking to defy authority," Juan protested, his hand still on her arm. "Maybe we could see what it's like to go out because we want to, not because our parents don't want us to."
"Older, but still -- not attracted," Emily said gently, sliding her arm away from him. "I'm sorry, Juan. Besides, I -- have a date for the Nurse's Ball."
"Oh," Juan slipped his hand back in his pocket. "Your boyfriend?" he asked, trying for nonchalance, and, mostly, succeeding.
"No," Emily shook her head. "Just a really good friend. He's actually--" Emily broke off, and started waving to a figure across the par, "right there. Hey, Lucky!" she called.
Lucky joined them a moment later, placing his hand at the small of Emily's back gently in greeting. "Hey Em," he said, his smile lighting his whole face. He turned towards Juan. "Hi; I'm Lucky Spencer."
"Juan Santiago," Juan responded. So this was Lucky Spencer. He had heard about him; who in Port Charles hadn't, by now?
Lucky looked at him with sudden interest. "I'm glad to meet you, man. I knew your mom; she was a really good lady," Lucky said, extending his hand, which Juan shook.
"Thanks," Juan dropped Lucky's hand, then looked at Emily, his expression becoming wistful as he saw something in her eyes as she glanced at Lucky that he'd never felt in her whole body when he'd held her in his arms and kissed her. "So, I should probably go..." Neither Emily nor Lucky made a move to stop him, though both smiled politely. "It was good to meet you," he nodded at Lucky, "and good to see you, Emily."
"You too, Juan," she said softly. Emily caught at his sleeve as he turned to go. "Hey, be happy, okay?" Juan nodded, and she let him go, turning back to Lucky as Juan left. Her forehead creased lightly as she looked at the expression on Lucky's face. "What?"
Lucky shook his head. "Nothing. Just -- what you said to him reminded me of something, that's all." He shook his head again as if to drive the memories away. "So, I'm glad I ran into you 'cause I was going to call you anyway." He grinned. "Em, I need a huge favor; I lost a bet."
Emily looked at Lucky, her expression wary. "Lucky, you've just managed to combine two of the scariest phrases in the English language: I need a favor and I lost a bet. What favor? What bet? Who to?" she asked, in quick succession.
"Mom's out of town 'til tomorrow, which means either Dad or me have to cook; we bet -- I lost. Emily," he turned big, puppy-dog eyes on her, "I don't cook."
"You know how to do take-out," she protested, her hand on her hip, her eyes glittering with laughter. "Don't tell me you can't manage that."
"That's part of the bet! It's gotta be home-cooked, no cheating," he groaned, then looked at Emily. "But, Dad didn't say no helping. C'mon, Em, you'd be saving my life here, Foster's too," Lucky added. "I mean, I burn down the kitchen, the dog's too lazy to run out and save himself."
Emily burst out laughing. "Okay, okay, for Foster's sake." She started to link her hand through Lucky's arm, but he reached out, taking her hand in his and twining their fingers together. Emily looked at him, surprised, then smiled softly, and started walking beside him. "So, how exactly did you manage to lose this bet..."
Sonny's warehouse
Roy walked around the corner, studying the clipboard in his hand. He looked up in surprise at the woman standing rather diffidently in the doorway, then glanced at his watch. He had been just about to head home. "Hey Alexis," he said, walking over to her. "I was just headin' out; you here to see Sonny?"
Alexis nodded briskly. "I stopped by the penthouse, and Johnny said he might be here. Is he in his office?"
"I think so; he went in early today and shut the door. I haven't seem him since." Roy grinned and shook his head. "Sonny must pay you a hell of a lot for you to come out now; it's near dark."
Alexis cleared her throat, looked down at her shoes, then back at Roy. If she was going to take this step, better to start now, here. "This isn't business, Roy; it's personal," she said, her tone of voice indicating that the last thing she wanted was his comments.
"Oh. Look, Alexis, I'm sorry; I didn't mean--" He broke off as she shook her head at him, obviously wanting him to stop. "Listen, like I said, he's back in his office; I'll see you later."
Alexis waited until Roy had walked off, taking a deep breath. Better get used to this, a small voice in her head said. She drew her spine up straight and turned and marched towards Sonny's office; Alexis was not accustomed to having her life dictated by small voices in her head. She knocked once on the office door, "Sonny?" Before he had a chance to answer, Alexis opened the door, stepping just inside.
Sonny looked up as she opened the door, his face lightening just for a moment, then shutting off again. He flipped through several papers, not standing up to greet her. "Thought I was gonna hear from you this morning," he said, seemingly engrossed in the coffee report in front of him.
"I'm here now," Alexis offered. She waited, patiently until he looked up at her. "And, I'd very much like to go the Nurses' Ball with you, if the invitation is still open."
Sonny held her gaze, expressionlessly for a long moment. "Fine," he said finally, then turned back to the coffee reports.
Alexis' felt her jaw set and her blood start to rise. "Neither of us are five years old, Sonny; I don't want to play games. If you have something to say to me, say it."
This time Sonny did stand up, walking around his desk and looking at her, his eyes still opaque. "I don't have anything to say, Alexis. I asked you to go the Nurses' Ball; you accepted. It's what people who are seein' one another do, go out on dates. Unless, of course, this is just -- I don't know, a fling in the dark. Is that what you're doin', Alexis? Slumming with the local crime lord, just for kicks?"
Alexis drew in a sharp breath. "You asked me out, not the other way around. And, that you could even ask that of me, no matter how much you're hurt, shows how little you know me. How little you ever did. Forget the Nurses' Ball; forget this whole thing," she turned sharply on her heel, reaching for the door.
She was half-way out when his voice stopped her in her tracks. "Alexis, please--" Sonny broke off. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "Don't go."
Alexis turned in the doorway. "Do you understand how difficult this is for me? I'm a woman who's always lived her life being careful; it's who I am. Being with you, and yes, being seen with you in any kind of context out of a professional one is a risk for me. I've worked very, very hard to make my life what it is," she spoke with intensity. "There are people in this world who would doubt my competence as a lawyer because of your presence in my life. To you, this is simple; it's an evening out. To me, this is an enormous risk, Sonny; are you understanding this at all?"
Sonny took two steps towards her, closing the distance between them. "Too many people have been ashamed of me, Alexis, of me in their lives. You try to hide us, what we are, in the dark, you're doin' the same thing they did. I can't do that anymore; I won't. If you choose not to take this, this risk, fine. But, if you want to be with me, be with me. I won't be anybody's second choice," he said, his eyes shuttered, his voice saying plainly 'not again'.
Alexis took a deep, shuddering breath, then another. "Okay, she said, finally. "Nurses' Ball, this Friday, you and me. It's a date," her voice quiet, but firm, and met his eyes, searchingly. After a moment, a small smile appeared on her face, and she took a step towards him, and into his waiting arms.
