Death Breeds Life

By Colleen

Note: This is a little late, but I have been working on it for a while. This is in reference to Garnet's challenge about Buffy's death and Angel learning about his child.

Disclaimer: I'm sorry if this story sounds like any of the others. I am a freethinking person.

PART 1

Thursday, October 23, 2003

"Angel, there is a call for you on your line," Cordelia said softly.

I was very busy working on a case; papers were all over my desk. "Cordy, I'm a little busy in here. Can you take a message and I will call the person back?"

Cordelia peeked into my office and said, "You will want to take this call." Her voice was very low, like she was trying to hold back some emotions.

"Okay," I took the people off hold and said, "Hello, Angel Investigations" I was unable to finish my usual greeting.

"Angel, it's Willow. I have something to tell you."

My first thought was something had happened to Buffy. "What is it, Willow?" Is Buffy okay?"

Willow began to whimper on the other side of the phone. "She was just trying to protect her mother. They were ambushed at their house. I wanted to tell you that the service is going to be tomorrow here in Sunnydale. I'm sure she would want you to come."

I thought back to everything that had happened just before I left the last time and I wondered if it was best for me to go back. "Willow, I will make sure he is there," Cordelia answered. I thought I heard extra breathing.

"Thank you, Cordelia. I will see you then. If you need a place to stay, you are welcome to stay at my apartment."

"Thank you, Willow. Extend my sympathies to Mrs. Summers," I said.

"I will. Goodbye."

"Goodbye." The phone somehow found its way to the cradle and I left my office for the sanctuary of my apartment.

Later that night

Cordelia drove up to Sunnydale in my car, since hers is in the shop for some minor fender damage. We have said little or nothing to each other since she got me to pack some stuff and said we were leaving after sundown. Cordelia parked below a large apartment complex and ushered me out. She got the luggage out, because I was pretty much a zombie. We arrived at Willow's door and the girls fall to pieces. Still, I don't show any emotion. I listened to Willow talk about my beloved Buffy and I can imagine that she is halfway across town, waiting to go out on patrol.

"Angel, Angel. I'm sorry you didn't get to see her before she was killed. She was planning a trip down to LA to see you in a few weeks."

We had been talking more recently and she had mentioned coming down for a few days to see her father and maybe me. I had been looking forward to her coming. We had lost touch for almost four years and out of the blue, there was a note from her saying that she had missed me and wondered how the demon activity in Los Angeles was. We had been corresponding for a few months, but now there would be no more letters.

"Everytime the door opened, I wondered if it was her. I hoped that she would come see me soon. Now, I'm never going to see her again."

This made Willow burst into tears and I wondered if I said something that had upset her. I moved over beside her and put my arms around her to comfort her. She seemed to calm down at my touch.

"How is Buffy's mom taking all of this? Being killed in front of her has to give her some nightmares?" Cordy asked. I shot her a glare, but she didn't get it.

"Mrs. Summers is doing as well as can be expected. We have been there in support of her since this happened."

"When exactly did this happened?" I asked.

"Tuesday night."

There was a long silence before Willow moved away from me. "I'm sorry, guys. I haven't been sleeping well and the doctor prescribed a sedative, which I took about two hours ago. I'm going to turn in for the night. There is a couch out here and a guestroom next to mine. The service is at sunset tomorrow." Willow went back toward the other rooms while Cordelia and I just sat there.

"I will take the couch. I see Willow has heavy drapes, so I won't burn in the morning light."

"Fine with me. I will see you later tomorrow," Cordelia said as she went down the hall where Willow had disappeared.

I turned on the TV and drowned my sorrows in the late night programming. Before she went to sleep, Cordelia came out to ask if I was okay. I told her I was fine and would be up tomorrow afternoon to show her. She smiled and said goodbye. There was silence in the apartment after Cordelia went to bed. I stayed up until early in the morning watching TV and fell asleep around four.

Friday, October 24, 2003

I woke up disoriented, but suddenly, everything came back to me. I'm in Sunnydale because the only person I have ever loved has been killed only a few months after I have gotten back into contact with her again. Man, I hate the forces of evil.

"Good evening, Angel," Cordelia said. She was dressed conservatively in a black suit. Her hair was pulled back in a braid.

"Hey, Cordy. Where's Willow?" I asked. It was only five o'clock and I expected her to be there.

"She went over to Mrs. Summers' house about an hour ago. She said that she would meet us at the cemetery chapel."

"Let me take a quick shower and get dressed. We can go to the chapel after that."

"Take your time. It's not like there is any rush."

I got my nice suit out of the bag and went into the bathroom. It was in the shower that I began to cry. It always happened that once someone was near and dear to me, something always happened. That's why I had pushed Buffy away almost four years ago. I didn't want her to get hurt by someone who wanted revenge against me. Despite my leaving, her life was still ended at an early age.

I was able to fix my hair and shave as I had for a long time without seeing my reflection, but I was unable to fix my tie. Cordelia did it for me and surprised me by giving me a hug.

"I have some experience losing someone I love," she said softly.

With all that we had been through, I had forgotten that Cordelia was just getting to know Doyle when he was taken from us. She didn't talk about him a lot, but when she did, it was something that was very special to her.

"Thank you, Cordelia, for everything you have done," I told her sincerely.

"You are welcome. Now, it's about time we got to the chapel. Are you ready?" Cordelia asked.

"As I ever will be." We closed the door behind us and went to the car.

PART 2

Ten minutes later @ the chapel

In the little chapel at Restfield Cemetery, the friends and family of Buffy Anne Summers gathered for her funeral. She had left detail instructions that if she should die suddenly, that she wanted to be buried at Restfield because she had spent her best slaying nights there.

Cordelia and I walked through the doors and I felt a surge of electricity go through me. I was able to shake it off, but the lasting feeling was there. Cordelia signed the book and told me she would go get us a seat. This left me in the foyer alone. I stepped up to the book and turned the page, not wanting to read what Cordelia had written.

Come to me in the silence of the night;

Come in the speaking silence of a dream;

Come with soft rounded cheeks and eyes as bright

As sunlight on a stream;

Come back in tears,

O memory, hope, love of finished years.

Dear Summers family,

Words cannot describe what Buffy meant to all of us. She will be deeply missed by a great deal of people and remembered in the hearts of the living. My greatest sympathies go out to your entire family.

Love,

Angel

When I was finished, I turned the page, so that the next person would have a clean page. Quietly, I went into the chapel and found Cordelia sitting with Giles, Xander, and Willow.

"Hello, Angel. I'm glad you were able to come," Giles said as he shook my hand.

"There is nowhere I would rather be. Buffy and I had become good friends again. I can't believe she was taken from us so savagely."

Everyone was silent and my eyes wandered around the chapel. Buffy's closed casket had been placed at the bottom of the altar. I wished I would be able to see her one last time, but then I wondered if her killer had deformed her in anyway. I don't think I could stand to see my lover that way. To my right, I saw Joyce and Mr. Summers sitting in the front pew. I debated whether I should go pay my regrets to them and decided I would like to talk to them privately.

"Angel, have you seen that cute little girl in the front pew with Mr. and Mrs. Summers? She looks like Buffy," Cordelia said.

Joyce moved and I was able to see a light brown-haired girl holding onto Joyce's hand. The little girl seemed to be transfixed on the casket. Joyce began whispering in her ear and she happened to turn in my direction. She was definitely related to Buffy. She had her small forehead and nose, but there was something about her that was more familiar to me: her dark, but soulful eyes. There were like my own or how other people described them. Could she be...?

Before I could say a word, the priest had come out and began the service. He was talking about how short Buffy's life had been and how these days the young people were dying at an alarming rate. He definitely didn't know about the Hellmouth or he would not have been so surprised. Those who knew Buffy knew she could have died at any time, so we were semi-prepared, but so long after her slaying heydays. Why now?

"Is there anyone who would wish to speak about our departed sister, Buffy?" the priest asked. Everyone looked around before finally Giles went up.

"Hello, everyone. I'm Rupert Giles. I have known Buffy since 1997 and she became like a daughter to me. Buffy would probably say that I was just her school librarian, but most of us know I was a lot more to her. She was stubborn as all hell, but you instantly had to back down. She was a very fun loving person and I will miss her in my life. My condolences go out to the entire Summers family and her closest friends." Giles stepped down, crying, and Willow consoled him.

Everyone sat there solemnly and the priest went on. I wondered why no one else had spoken. Was there something I didn't know?

"Buffy Anne Summers has left behind her parents, Joyce and Hank Summers and her daughter of three years, Lenore Morgana. God have mercy that her mother died so early in her life."

Three years? That was proof enough for me. The service was over quickly and everyone filed out of the chapel. I told Cordelia to go outside and I would be out in a few minutes. She left and I went to the casket.

"Hey, Buffy, it's me. How's it where you are? Did you gain your wings yet? So, what is the reason you kept Lenore a secret? Did she remind you too much of me? How I was or am? I wish I had known I had a child, someone who was a part of someone that I love and wanted to spend my life with. Despite everything, I wish we had been able to be together as a family if only once." I knelt next to the casket and kissed the hard wood.

"Angel, can I talk to you?" I heard a voice say behind me. For a moment, I thought it was Buffy's, but it was the next closest person, her mom.

"Hello, Joyce. I hope that you don't mind that I'm here," I said, wondering if she still blamed me for everything that happened four years ago.

"No, I'm glad you are here. You have every right to be here. You were closer to her than any of us and I am sure she would do something to get back at me if you weren't told. Sorry, I'm still in shock. She was protecting Lenore and that's when it happened."

"Willow told me it was you she was protecting." Not that it made a difference. Buffy always was protecting people in need.

"She probably didn't want to be the first person to tell you about Lenore. She probably thought it was my place."

"So, she is mine, isn't she?"

"Yes."

"She was conceived in November of 1999."

"Yes. She was 3 in September."

"Now, that Buffy's gone, what does that mean for her? Who has custody of her?"

"Angel, I think we should discuss this later. They are about to carry the casket out. It would mean a lot if you would act as a pallbearer." I noticed Xander and a few other men were milling around the chapel. Joyce said goodbye and went outside.

Without a word, I took hold of the front right and we carried the casket outside to her burial spot. The path had been lit because of the time of night. She was going to be buried next to the Alpert mausoleum. We had had some fun times in this area. The casket was put on the platform and I stepped back to be with the gang. Joyce, Hank, and Lenore were all sitting in the seats for the immediate family. My eyes were transfixed on Lenore's head. The priest did the usual 'Dust to dust, ashes to ashes' speech and I wished I didn't have to see her go into that ground. In the past, I had watched as my victims were buried, but this is my true love. When the casket begin to disappear, I turned away, looking anywhere, but straight ahead. The guests began saying goodbye to Joyce and Hank and soon, it was only Giles, Willow, Xander, and I who remained.

"Hank, this is Angel. Angel, this is Buffy's father, Hank," Joyce said as Hank and she came over to me.

"Hello, sir. We shouldn't have to meet for the first time on such a somber occasion. I am sorry for your loss."

"Thank you. Buffy said you were the best thing in her life and you were the one who got away. From what I see, she may have been right."

"Hey there, mopsy. Where's Mr. Bear?" I heard Willow say as she picked up Lenore. The little girl laughed and smiled for the first time all night.

"Gramma wouldn't let me bring him. He's on my bed at her house," Lenore said, quietly.

"You haven't been properly introduce," Joyce told me.

"She seems to be having a good time with Willow. Don't interrupt."

"She asked me who you were and I told her you were a very good friend of her mommy's. She said you were very pretty."

"Sweet child."

"Joyce, I think she's getting a little tired," Willow said as she came over with Lenore in her arms. The little girl's head was resting on Willow's shoulder and her eyes were closed.

"She has had a long day. Give her to me." Lenore was transferred from Willow and to Joyce. "Angel, I would like you to come to the house with us if you can."

"Yes. Willow, can you take Cordelia back to your house with you?" I asked.

"Sure. I will see you later everyone." Willow walked away and I followed Joyce and Hank over to the parking lot.

"Meet you at my house in ten minutes. You remember how to get there, don't you?"

I would never forget how to get to Buffy's house. I had been there more times than Buffy had known about. "Yes. I will see you there." I watched Joyce lay Lenore in the backseat and she got in the passenger seat next to Hank. I slowly followed them back to the house.

Pulling up to Joyce's house, I almost could not contain my tears. I would never be able to watch Buffy climb down her trellis or walk by a window. Hank and Joyce got Lenore out of the car and Hank took her upstairs to bed.

"Angel, come in," Joyce said as I hesitated at the door. I went inside and noticed that in four years not much had changed. A few new pictures, a couple of Buffy and Lenore, that I admired before going into the living room.

"Can I get you something to drink? Coffee, soft drink?" Joyce asked. She was antsy about something, but still she was being a courteous hostess.

"Water, thank you." Joyce went into the kitchen and I picked up a pastel scrapbook with a little bear on it. These have to be baby pictures, I knew I shouldn't be doing this, but I had to know what she looked like when she was carrying my child. I opened to the first page and this was written: May 2003, To Mom (Grandma), Happy Mom's Day Love, Buffy and Lenore. Below was a recent picture of Lenore and Buffy. Both of them looked happy with milk mustaches. Turning the page, I found a chronicle of the past four years. Buffy throughout her pregnancy, just after she gave birth with all the sweat and tears still present, a bunch of baby pictures of Lenore in various outfits, and finally, a picture of the three generations of Summers women. I closed the book as Joyce reappeared. From the redness of her eyes, I knew why she had been gone so long.

"I saw that you were looking at my Mother's Day present. Since she has been gone, I have looked at that thing fifty times. Remembering the good times and the bad times… I want you to know that she was happy when she died. It was quick and pretty painless."

But that doesn't bring her back? I wanted to yell, but I resolved to keep my self-control. "That's good to know. Why is that you asked me to come here?"

"Because of this," Joyce said as she handed me a decorated videotape case and manila envelope. In Buffy's interesting handwriting on both were written To my dearest Angel.

"Buffy made this tape for you about two weeks ago. She wanted to explain everything to you since the two of you were becoming close again. She was planning on sending it the day she was killed."

By this time, Hank had come down and taken a seat next to Joyce. "Joycie, have you told him about the custody issue?"

What? "No, Hank. I just gave him the video and envelope. He hasn't opened the envelope yet," Joyce said to her ex-husband. She turned to me, saying, "I guess Hank just ruined the ending. It was Buffy's wish that if anything should happen to her that you would get sole custody of Lenore. The envelope contains the legal papers as well as some other items Buffy wanted you to have."

Slowly, I opened the envelope and removed the paper-clipped papers. The rest of the contents remained inside until such time that I could be alone. The papers told me what Joyce had already told me: Lenore Morgana Summers-McKendrick was left to Angel McKendrick, her biological father, in the event of Buffy Anne Summers' death or grave injury. Buffy's signatures were already present. I read all the papers and gave my signature. While I had been reading, I thought about what I wanted to do.

"Joyce, I don't want to disturb Lenore's life anymore than it has been. If it is alright with you, I would like to spend a week here with her, so we can get to know each other. If then she feels comfortable with me, I would like her to move to Los Angeles with me. No matter what happens I want to be part of her life."

"I understand. You come up here to say goodbye to the woman you love and learn you have a child together. Lenore is a lot shier and timid compared to Buffy, but at the funeral she was the one who asked me who you were. She wants to know you."

"Is it alright if I go upstairs and watch her sleep? I know what she has been going through. I promise not to wake her up," I asked.

"You're her father and her guardian now, Angel. We are not decision-makers for her anymore, you are," Hank said. This was the first time he had really spoken to me.

"She's up in Buffy's room. I have no doubt you know where that is. We will be down here if you need us." I left the living room and quietly, walked up the stairs. They didn't creak that much, so I probably hadn't woken Lenore up. Opening the door into Buffy's room set off a flood of memories. The day I spent the night, Halloween, some of the memories when I was a demon again. The decor was the same as I remembered. Using the light from the hallway, I made my way over to the desk chair and sat down. Under all the covers, I was able to see Lenore clasping her teddy bear (Mr. Bear if I remember what Willow said earlier) for dear life. She made a soft snoring noise that was like music to my ears.

Suddenly, Lenore began flailing around and yelling, "Mommy! Mommy! Mr. Big Teeth don't hurt my mommy." My little girl was having a nightmare and my parental instinct took over. I rushed over to her bed and gently took her in my arms.

"Lenore, Lenore, wake up. You're having a very bad dream," I said softly. Her eyes opened in fear but once I turned on the small lamp, she relaxed.

"You're the pretty man I saw at Mommy's funeral. What's your name?" I thought this bold of a shy little girl, but the behavior reminded me of Buffy.

"Angel," I simply replied.

"Mommy's an angel now, isn't she?" She was an angel when she was here on earth, I wanted to say, but Lenore would not understand that.

"Yes, she is. Will you tell me about your dream?"

She recoiled a bit and she was quiet for a few minutes. "The big teeth monster got Mommy and pulled her away from me. I screamed and cried, but the monster bit Mommy in the neck. He ran away before Gramma came out."

My daughter had watched her mother be killed. I wished I could reverse time and be there for Buffy and Lenore, but that was impossible. The only thing I could do now was be there for Lenore as Buffy wanted me to.

"I am going to be spending a lot of time with you for the next week. Would you like that?"

Even though it was semi-dark, I could feel her smile. "Yes. Me and you can have fun. I love you, Mr. Angel." Lenore gave me a kiss and closed her eyes.

"I love you, Lenore. Sleep tight," I said as she fell asleep in my arms. The night Lenore was conceived, Buffy had done the same thing. I shed a few tears and they fell into Lenore's hair. She is beautiful, Buffy, but any child of yours would be. When I knew she wasn't going to wake up, I transferred her back into her bed and pulled her covers over her. Before I turned off the light and closed the door, I gave her a kiss on the forehead. With that, I went downstairs to talk to Hank and Joyce.