PART 3

Early Saturday October 25, 2003 @ Willow's apartment

After leaving Joyce's house, I had some pent-up energy. I drove around Sunnydale for a good two hours, remembering all the places I had gone with Buffy. I went up to the mansion and realized someone had moved in. It was no longer mine. At about one-thirty, I returned to Willow's with my tape and envelope. The front door was unlocked, so I gained entrance without disturbing Willow or Cordy. Both of them seemed to be asleep, so I put in my tape and turned the volume down. I took the blanket from the couch and sat in front of the television.

When I was ready, I pushed Play and Buffy's face lit up the screen. She was sitting on a couch with pictures and other drawings around her. She looked the same as I remembered her, except her hair was a little shorter and it was clipped back in a pin.

"Angel's tape take one. Hi, Angel. No, that sounds childish. Hey, Angel. I wanted to give you something to pass the time until I am able to come see you. The weekend of November 7 is working out good, so I will see you then." Suddenly, she burst into tears and there is two minutes of crying. "I'm so sorry, Angel. There is a reason why I am making this video, a very important one. I will understand if you don't want to see me after viewing this video. I shouldn't have kept this from you for so long. (Taking a deep breath) Angel, you have a daughter, Lenore. She was conceived the weekend I was down in LA with you. I don't remember all the details, but I know the important facts. She was born September 4, 2000 and she weighed 6 lb. 1 oz. The first time I saw her eyes I knew she was yours. No one I have ever known has those deep chocolate eyes that make your heart melt. She is the sweetest little girl and I wish I would have realized we needed you in our lives before now. There is something else that is important to me, Angel. No matter what your initial reaction is, my decision will never change. Angel, I want to know that Lenore is well taken care of if anything should ever happen to me. That is why I want you to have sole custody of our daughter. I have already discussed this with Mom and Giles and they will not stand in your way. The papers have already been pre-signed by me, but I hope we won't ever need to worry about them.

'Mommy, the Little Mermaid ended. Can I have a new DVD?'

'Yes, sweetheart. Can you come here for a second? Say hi to the camera for a second.'

'Hi, camera. Mommy, who are you making the tape for?'

'An old friend. Will you let Mommy finish making the tape and then I will change the disk?'

'Okay, bye camera friend.'

'If you haven't figured that out, that was Miss Lenore. She does look like a blend of us, doesn't she? Well, as you heard, Mommy duty calls. I hope to hear from you as soon as you watch this tape. I want you to know that I love you and I have not stopped since I first met you. See you soon." Buffy kissed the camera lens and the tape ended. That was the last picture of Buffy I would ever have.

I rewatched the tape over and over again. I ended up staying awake until four in the morning, each time I cried a little more. I left the envelope for another time.

Saturday, October 25, 2003-Friday October 31, 2003

When I woke up on Saturday, Willow and Cordelia were gone. They left a note saying they were at the mall and would be back later. I took that as a sign that they knew I needed to be my brooding self and they were letting me be. The decorated envelope was beside me on the couch and I decided right now was as good a time as any to look inside.

Undoing the clasp, the first item I pulled out was a drawing made by Lenore. It showed a tall person with yellow hair who looked like Buffy, a little girl with yellow and brown mixed hair that had to be Lenore, and a tall brown haired person all in black. I guess someone told her I dressed in black a lot. The picture was dated May 4, 2003. Putting the drawing aside, I removed another piece of paper. This was a letter addressed to me. I wasn't ready to see what Buffy wrote to me, so I placed that off to the side and took out the remaining item in the envelope. To Angel was written on the cover of a small album. Inside was filled with various pictures of Buffy and Lenore from the past four years. It was in scrapbook form, so there were captions and comments to most of the pictures. It was a nice way to show me what I had missed while I was away, but still I wished I had been a part of their lives while I had both of them.

The phone interrupted my thoughts. "Hello, this is Willow's apartment."

"Hello, Angel. It's Joyce. I was wondering if you were coming over tonight."

"I was planning on it. Is something wrong with Lenore?"

"No, no. I think she's just getting tired of Hank and me watching over her all the time. She needs someone new to talk to her."

"Allow me to eat and change. I will be over in about twenty minutes, okay?"

"That's fine. Come over whenever you can. Goodbye, Angel."

"Bye, Joyce." I hung up the phone and focus on the page the scrapbook was open to: it was a picture of Buffy holding a newborn Lenore in her backyard. Both of them looked happy and I shed a few tears before leaving the couch.

I drank a bag and they changed into my gray wool sweater and a pair of jeans. I wanted Lenore to be less afraid of me, so I was trying to wear some of the clothes Cordy had bought for me. Within ten minutes, I was out of the apartment and driving to Joyce's house.

I knocked on the door and Lenore asked who it was. I told her Mr. Angel and she threw open the door and rushed into my arms. Joyce came up laughing saying that she had told Lenore that I was coming over. Lenore took me into the living room and told me to sit on the couch. She sat next to me and explained who everyone was on the Bugs Bunny cartoon. I sat there listening to her intently. I asked her where she had learned everything and she softly said that her mommy had told about it. I smiled knowing Buffy was a closet-cartoon watcher.

For the rest of the night, Lenore and I spend quality time together. Her head was resting on my thigh and I had my hand on her back. She and I watched three hours of cartoons before Joyce told her it was time for bed.

"But Gramma, I'm not tired." The little girl was trying to suppress a yawn. She also put on a pouty face, similar to her mother's.

"Is it okay if Mr. Angel takes you to bed?"

"Alright. Goodnight, Gramma. Where's Grandpa?" she asked.

"In the kitchen. Go give him a kiss goodnight."

"I will." She took off around the corner and Joyce and I exchanged a glance.

"What do you think of her?"

"She's definitely Buffy's."

"And yours. Buffy would often tell me of things that reminded her of you."

"Mr. Angel, I will race you upstairs," Lenore said from the bottom of the stairs.

"I will give you a head start," I told her.

"You are good with her, Angel."

"How could I not? She's my link to my love." I left the living room and went to find Lenore.

For the rest of week, I was able to visit Lenore for a longer time thanks to Giles, Willow, and Joyce. There was a way to get from Willow's apartment to Joyce's house through the tunnels. The manholes were within seconds of the front doors and I protected myself with my duster. It worked out for the best, I was able to spend more of the day with Lenore and she could get to know me better. By Wednesday, we were talking about the different cartoons and shows like old pros.

At a commercial one of the nights, Lenore asked me in her little voice, "Mr. Angel, do you know what Friday is?"

"Its date would be 31st. Why do you ask?"

"It's Halloween. Candy night. Can you come over that night?"

"Yes, if you want me to. What are you going to dress as?"

"A princess. Mommy and Gramma made the costume for me."

"You will be the prettiest princess out there."

"Auntie Willow and Uncle Xander are coming over too. What about the brown-haired lady from Mommy's funeral?"

"Cordelia? I think she would like to come to your Halloween party."

"It's not a party, it's trick-or-treat time."

"Alright."

Every night, Lenore went down for me with no trouble. She usually wanted to hear a story, so I told her various fairy tales and she usually fell asleep about halfway through. I tucked her in and waited a few minutes in case she woke up. She never did, but there was another reason I liked staying. When she was asleep, she reminded me of Buffy with her constant movement and her soft talking. I would leave the door ajar and go downstairs to talk to Joyce and Hank for an hour or so. Back at Willow, Cordelia and Willow usually were awake and they would ask how our day was and I always answered amazing. I invited Cordelia to the Halloween party on Friday night.

"You know Angel, we have to get back to LA by next Wednesday," she said.

By now, everyone knew I had sole custody of Lenore, but the reality was being to set in. "I'm aware of that, Cordelia. I still don't know about ripping Lenore away from the places and people she knows here in Sunnydale."

"Angel, you have to do it some time. We all love her like our own and it will only make it harder if you keep her here for much longer," Willow said.

"After Friday night, I promise I will ask her if she wants to live with me."

"Sounds good to me," Cordy answered.

"Angel, you are going to be a good father," Willow told me.

"Thanks for the confidence, Will."

Friday came and Lenore called me at eleven in the morning. Willow woke me up from a sound sleep and I immediately thought something was wrong.

"Hey, Mr. Angel. Gramma dialed your number, so I could talk to you. Are you still coming tonight?"

"Yeah, Lenore. Auntie Willow, Cordelia, and I will be there about four-thirty. Just in time to see you put on your costume."

"Cool. It's almost lunchtime. Gramma's making my favorite: peanut butter and jelly with the crust cut off. Bye-bye." Just like Buffy.

"Bye, Lenore." I hung up the phone and pasted a big smile on my face.

"What did the little one say to you?" Cordy asked as she came out of the bathroom, fixing her hair.

"She wanted to know if I was coming tonight. I told all of us would be there."

"That little girl is going to have you wrapped around her little finger."

"Cordy's right. You are going to spoil her rotten," Willow said.

"She's my daughter and she's my responsibility now. I make the decision for her now."

Neither Cordelia nor Willow said a word to me for a while. I knew what I had said was a little over the top, but it was the truth. I am Buffy's Chosen One to take care of her daughter. For some reason, she trusted me with our daughter's life and well being and I don't want to let her down in the first week.

Time flew and we went over to Joyce's house a little early. I lied in the back of Willow's car with a blanket over my body. We got to the house and Willow parked in the driveway, so I wouldn't have to walk so far. Hank answered the door that day and told us Joyce was upstairs putting on Lenore's costume.

"Grandpa, is Mr. Angel here?" Lenore called down from upstairs.

"Yes, honey. Auntie Willow and Cordelia are here too."

"Mr. Angel, come here," she yelled in an authority voice.

"I have been called," I said as I raced up the stairs and snatched Lenore from where she stood in Joyce's doorway. She let out a shriek and then started laughing. All she was wearing was underwear and tights. Joyce had curled her hair and it was all in ringlets.

"Mr. Angel!"

"Hey there, cutey. Where's the rest of your costume? I don't think Gramma and Grandpa will allow you out like this."

"Gramma has it."

"Angel, she has not stopped talking about you since this morning. Lenore, will you put your costume on now that Angel's here?"

"I want him to do it."

"Alright, but you may want to ask him first."

"Mr. Angel, will you put my costume on me please?" Again she put on her pouty face and I couldn't resist.

"What do I have to do?"

"Get her dress over her head, button it up, put her shoes on and that's it," Joyce explained.

"Alright." I took the blue dress from the bed and put it over Lenore's head and she squirmed underneath until her arms and head peeked through. I buttoned the back up and put Lenore up on the bed so I could get her shoes on. Within five minutes, she was dressed and looked like a true princess.

"Do I look like Mommy?" Lenore asked me.

"Yes, you have her button nose and small forehead. Your toes look like hers too," I told her as I touched her nose, forehead, and tickled her toes. She laughed and giggled. That was another thing that reminded me of Buffy.

"Do I look like you, Daddy?" My eyes shot to her in shock. As far as I knew, no one had told her about my true identity. To her I was just a good friend of her Mommy's who has been there every night for the past few days. Joyce sat there speechless also.

"Yes, your eyes are like mine. Your grandma, my mommy, use to tell me that my eyes would make every lady turn to me. You are going to have the affect of boys when you get older."

"Ewww! Boys. Where does your mommy live?"

"She died a long time ago, but I will tell you about her some time. She was a sweet lady."

"Come on everybody. It's candy time," Lenore said in her happy voice. She raced downstairs and Willow caught her.

"Hey, mopsy. Can you give me a hug?"

Lenore settled down enough to give Willow a hug and then she was racing to get away from me. This was her game for twenty minutes: Get Away from Daddy. She ran around the house and never got tired. Finally, it started getting darker and it was time to go out. Joyce took a bunch of pictures before Lenore went out. We asked Lenore who she wanted to go out. Of course, I was her first choice and Willow was her second. Joyce, Hank, Cordelia, and Xander didn't take offense to this, so Willow and I set off with Princess Lenore and her pumpkin pail.

Lenore had the 'Trick-or-treat' down and she received some good candy because of it. Everyone looked at her and then at Willow and me and stared. No, we aren't her parents, I wanted to say to the people. But I didn't let it get to me, after all this was Sunnydale.

In between houses, Lenore said, "Auntie Willow, did you know Angel was my daddy?"

"Yes, I did, mopsy."

Lenore dropped the subject because she had another house to assault. Going down both sides of the block, Lenore had a pail full of candy and we went back to Joyce's.

"What did you get?" everyone asked. Lenore spilled the pail of candy and pointed. Smart girl, I thought.

The adults checked the candy and ate some. When Lenore asked if she could have some, Joyce and I said she could have three pieces before she went to bed. Being her mother's child, she picked the big Tootsie Roll, Reese's, and Snickers. She sat on Joyce's lap and ate her candy.

Bedtime came quickly for the little girl, but she didn't complain a bit. She hugged and kissed everyone goodnight and went upstairs. Tonight, she had asked Hank to tuck her in, because he was leaving for home tomorrow.

Hank was back downstairs within five minutes, saying that Lenore had fallen into a sound sleep once she had gotten into bed. All of us adults talked for an hour or so and then we decided it was time to go. While Cordelia and Willow were talking to Joyce, I snuck upstairs and looked in on Lenore. She was resting comfortably in the big bed and I said a special goodnight to her in my mind.

I got downstairs before they began looking for me and said goodbye to Joyce and Hank. They both thanked me for being there for Lenore and them. I shrugged and said I had nothing better to do. Willow, Cordelia, and me left to go back to Willow's. I had a lot to decide that night like when I was going to ask Lenore if she wanted to move to Los Angeles with me.

Monday November 3, 2003 @ Willow's apartment

Joyce had asked if I wanted to have Lenore come over to Willow's instead of going to her house. I told her that was fine with me. Joyce came over with Lenore about eleven and waited around a while. I think she knew today was the day I was going to ask Lenore.

Lenore was sitting on my lap as she enjoyed doing most of the time I was around her. She had brought her Suzie Dress-up doll with her and she kept taking her shoes on and off.

"Lenore, can I ask you something?" I said, quietly.

She stopped taking off the shoes and looked up at me. "Sure, Daddy. What's the what?" she asked. Her statement made me want to cry for two reasons: the Daddy part and the usage of Buffy's slang.

"You have been having a good time with me over the past week?"

Lenore nodded.

"Well, I have been having a good time with you too. I was wondering if you would like to live with me. Right now, my apartment isn't very nice, but we could find a new one." I looked to Lenore for a reaction. The first thing I got was a smile.

"Gramma, can I go live with Daddy?" she asked.

"Lenore, you can do whatever you want. Remember Grandpa and me will always love you."

"Daddy, can we visit Gramma a lot?"

"Yes, we can come back here often and Grandma, Willow, Giles, and Xander can come to see you as much as they can. I don't want you to miss out on seeing everyone."

"Okay. Does Miss Cordy live with you?"

I laughed. "No, but she works with me. Do you like her?"

"She has nice clothes and smells good."

Those sounded like two pluses in Lenore's book. "Can you be ready to go in two days?"

Lenore nodded quickly and I looked to Joyce. "I still haven't gone to Buffy's apartment to get a lot of Lenore's things. We have been making due with the clothes and things I had at my house."

"Would it help if I went with you?" I asked quietly. I wondered where Buffy had lived, because I hadn't seen a lot of Buffy's things at Joyce's.

"Yes, it would. Maybe Willow and Cordelia could watch Lenore later and we could go to do it tonight. I can't avoid going there much longer."

"I'm sure they would be happy to," I said.

"Okay, Lenore. Let's let Daddy have a few hours to himself. I will bring you back here later, so that Auntie Willow and Cordelia can watch you."

"Alright. Bye, Daddy." She gave me a hug and a kiss goodbye. Joyce smiled at me and waved goodbye. When Lenore and her were gone, I lay down and slept for a few hours. Tonight promised to be emotionally draining.

Sunset that night

The doorbell rang and I rushed to get it. As expected, it was Lenore and Joyce. Both of them were dressed warmly due to the cold front that had moved in. I wasn't sure where I had left my duster, but I would find it.

"Daddy!" Lenore said as she rushed to me. I grabbed her and picked her up. I wondered if this kid was ever sad. The only time I had seen her anything but happy was after her nightmare.

Willow and Cordelia had been pigging out on Chinese food in the kitchen and came out when they realized our guests had arrived.

"Hey, Lenore. It's Girls' Night here. What do you want to do first? Hair? Nails? Facial?" Cordelia asked.

"Can I have my nails painted? When Mommy went out, she would do my nails too."

"Cool, nails it is. Is that alright with you, Angel?" Cordelia asked.

"Whatever she wants. Just don't make her into a beauty queen contestant."

"Lenore, Daddy and I are going to go out for a few hours. You be good for Auntie Willow and Cordelia, okay?"

"Alright, Gramma." She hugged us both and Willow took her into the kitchen. I found my duster on the coat rack and we left in Joyce's Jeep.

"You might be wondering why Buffy was living on her own and not with me. When I found out she was pregnant, I didn't react very well. UC Sunnydale doesn't allow student mothers to stay in their residence halls after they deliver, so Buffy moved into a place in Giles' building. He was able to watch out for her and help her. After Lenore was born and I saw her, I got over my bullheadedness. I came to realize Lenore could be my only grandchild. Buffy had made a home for Lenore and herself and she didn't want to move back into my house. We got along very well since everything got resolved. Lenore would stay with Giles or me every day when Buffy was at school and she worked on campus. I had my daughter and granddaughter in my life and I wish I could have them both again." Joyce broke down and I put a hand on her shoulder.

Thankfully, we arrived at the building not soon after and I saw Giles standing in his doorway.

"Hello, Joyce, Angel. Do you need any help upstairs?" He had to know why we were here.

"No, thank you. Angel is taking Lenore to L.A. on Wednesday and I wanted to get as much as her stuff tonight as possible."

"Oh. If you need anything, I will be here all night." Giles closed his door and Joyce led me up to Buffy's apartment. The key Joyce had stuck in the lock, so I used some brute force to turn the knob.

"I guess that's what I get for not coming here sooner," she said as she walked into the now open apartment. This was definitely Buffy's place. A lot of knickknacks and Lenore's craft projects around the living room. Joyce went down into Lenore's room, which was painted sky blue and had sunflowers on the wall.

"Buffy wanted Lenore to feel safe, not scared."

I nodded and went to the closet. "How do you want to do this?"

"I brought boxes. You can put as much of Lenore's stuff in those. A lot of this stuff she won't miss all that much. I can tell you what she likes. Let me go get the boxes."

Joyce walked out of the apartment and I wandered around. The only other door on that side of the apartment led to Buffy's room. There were clothes strewn all over the floor and her boots in the middle of the room, but her bed was perfectly made. I went over to her night table and found a picture of Lenore and Buffy at Disneyland. Buffy had on Mickey Mouse ears and Lenore had on a Pooh cap that was too big for her newborn head. I estimated that Lenore had to be less than three months old in that picture.

"Angel?" Joyce called.

"Coming." I rushed out of the room and closed the door behind me.

For two hours, Joyce and I went through Lenore's closet and room selecting things that Lenore could not survive without. That filled three big boxes. Another box were things that were mementos and Joyce said she would save those for Lenore for when she had children. Joyce put the three full boxes into the living room and then she went back down the hallway, but this time she went into Buffy's room.

"I know you were in here when I came back with the boxes. This is actually clean compared to a few times I was here. There is a box in her closet I know she wanted you to have. It goes with the letter that was inside the envelope. Have you read it yet?"

"No, but I did watch the video a few times."

"Here it is." Joyce gave me a small box and we went out to the living room.

"What are you going to do with the apartment?"

"I decided I am going to clear it out. I'm not emotionally ready to go through every thing at the moment. The movers are coming this weekend and they are going to put everything in storage for a while."

"That's a good decision. Do you think I have everything Lenore will want?"

"Besides her mommy… Sorry, I'm still cynical about this goddamn Hellmouth. Why did it have to take her now that she was settling down and raising her daughter?"

I had no answer, so I remained silent. We took the boxes down in two trips and the last time Joyce said to me, "If there is anything you want to take for yourself to remember her by, be my guest."

I went back into the bedroom and took the Disneyland picture, the leather jacket I had gotten her six years ago, and her vanilla perfume. I stuck the picture and perfume in my pockets and carried the jacket over my arms. Seeing only the jacket, Joyce asked if there was anything I wanted. I told her I had enough. She locked up the apartment again and she drove me back to Willow's.