Luke stood back as he heard the determination in Laura's voice. He looked towards the stairs and said, "It's late, and I'm tired, Laura. If you'd like to talk tomorrow, I'll give you a call after I finish my visit with Lucky."
Laura stood up and walked over to Luke before he had a chance to get up the stairs. "I really don't care how late it is, Luke. We're going to have a little talk now. Not tomorrow, not over the phone. Now and in person. I'm not going to let you run away from this discussion this time."
"What if I'm not in the mood to talk?" Luke asked.
"Does it look like I care if you're in the mood, Luke?" Laura asked.
"Well, if I remember that look in your eyes, I would say you don't. I guess I have no choice unless I run out the door right now."
"Oh, yeah, you're great at doing that, aren't you? Well, this time I won't sit by waiting for you, and if you leave your son while he's still in the hospital, then don't ever show your face here again."
"You know me better than to think I'm going to leave him while he's still there! I've stayed this long, haven't I?" Luke yelled.
"The same way I knew you would never leave your family? Now, Luke, don't ever try saying I know you wouldn't do something because the thing I never thought you would do, you did. You always had a way of surprising me, and you sure have done a job of keeping that up."
"What do you mean?"
"Besides the obvious? Okay... if I have to spell it out, I will. Your leaving town didn't surprise me all that much. I guess what shocked me the most was the fact you never returned. But, you did tell me to find someone else. Oh, by the way, thank you for your blessing on that one. Like I could just hop in bed with some other guy and forget the fact that I shared my life with the man I love. And then you shocked me by coming to Lucky's wedding. Well, maybe your being there wasn't as much of a shock as the fact that you had no intention on letting anyone know you were there. How many other times have you been back but didn't tell any of us?"
"Just once," Luke whispered. "I just had kept track of some of the things happening here. A friend of mine was able to send me the newspaper from here so I would know what was happening."
"It's nice to know that you cared enough to actually keep up to date with anything that was important enough to be in a newspaper. Who cares about the little things, though, right Luke?"
"You know why I left."
"Actually, I don't. I thought I knew you completely, but I couldn't even come up with the reasoning behind that one. But let's not even get into that now. I'm still on my list of ways you've surprised me."
"There's more?"
"You really think that is all you've done? You have become blind in your old age, Mr. Luke Spencer. No, you're doing something right now that I never expected. You are back in this town and yet don't care to even see your other child. But I guess she doesn't matter since you didn't raise her."
"You know that's not true!" Luke screamed.
"No, I don't Luke! I don't know anything anymore about you! All I know is that there is a little girl who has been dying to see you, but thinks you don't care about her at all! And no matter how many times I tell her that you love her, she doesn't believe it because she doesn't understand how someone who loves her doesn't want to ever see her!" Laura yelled.
Luke slowly walked into the living room and collapsed on the couch. He put his face in his hands, trying to hide from everyone and everything, especially the truths about himself. Laura couldn't bear seeing the man she loved in so much pain and sat next to him, pulling his hands away from his face and holding them tightly. She was surprised to see that he didn't try to pull away from her.
"What are you feeling?" Laura asked gently.
"I don't know anymore. I don't know what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling, what I'm doing. I don't know anything anymore. I was so sure I was doing the right thing when I left, but coming back and seeing the effects of that one decision... I don't know anymore. I guess I wish I could take all of this back, but you can't turn back time."
"But you can start over and rebuild what you once had."
"I don't know where to start, Laura. If you think I'm anything like the man you once knew, then you're wrong. I'm nothing like the man you married. I'm scared all of the time. I stay up at night and just watch the shadows dance across the ceiling from the trees outside. I'm too frightened to go to sleep because I see the faces of everyone I have hurt in my life. And I'm scared to be awake because then I have to live the life that I have chosen for myself. It's a no-win situation for me. And the only alternative isn't possible."
"What's that?"
"Dying. There have been so many times in these last 5 years that I've wanted to die. I've waited to die. Yet death never comes. And I know that if I kill myself, I'd just be ... well, I just know that I have to live out the mess I've created that I call a life. And here you are, telling me to start over. What if I say I don't know how?"
"Then you ask for help from the ones who love you, Luke. There's quite a list, despite what you may believe."
"And who's on that list?" Luke asked quietly.
"It's the same as it was before you left," Laura said. Luke looked up at her, his eyes questioning her if she was still included and she said, "Yes, and I'm still one of the people on the top of that list, Luke. I'll help you in any way you need. All I ask is for one thing in exchange."
"And what would that be?"
"To get to know both of your children. I know you've spent some time with Lucky, but I'd like that to continue once he's out of the hospital. And I would like you to get to know your daughter. She's so much like you really. It's one of the things I love most about her."
"And you're not scared she's going to turn out like me?"
"I want her to turn out to be like the man I married. I respected that man completely. His ability to love with his whole heart and not expect anything in return. And to ignore what other's think is the correct way to do things... to do things in your own way and in your own style. I think those are two very powerful traits that I'm proud to say you've passed down to your youngest child."
"Thank you, Laura. I don't deserve any of this, but I'm willing to try again. And I'll ask for help if I need it, but I'd prefer to try to rebuild my life on my own. It's something I feel I need to do before I can have any pride in myself again."
"Just know that I'll always be here for you, Luke. No matter what, you've always got me on your side. I still love you very much."
"I've never stopped loving you," Luke said, hugging his wife for the first time in 5 years, both crying in each other's arms.
