Chapter Two:

//Something strange has come over me
Got me going out of my mind//

England...

Susan Pevensie was once a girl who was accepted by all – teachers and parents – as being exceedingly logical with an intelligent mind, and somewhat of a know-it-all by her classmates. So it was disconcerting for everyone to see just how she was now; despondent, irrational and having no interest in anything – not school, her siblings or any of her friends – and all it taking place within a month of returning to school.

Her siblings endeavoured to empathize and they knew that it all stemmed from two things, the passing of her place in Narnia and her severance from the love of her life – the King of Narnia, Caspian. The Pevensie children were concerned about their sister, in fact she was even worried about herself, but for two incredibly dissimilar reasons.

Her siblings were apprehensive because she was not the girl that she once was and they were surreptitiously terrified that she might do something foolish in order to return to him and Narnia. Susan was anxious because she had no appetite, was not able to sleep and because she had a niggling suspicion about something else.

On a daily basis – morning, noon and night – all she thought about was Caspian, how he was and what he could be doing and sometimes if he was even still alive. After all, the last time they had returned they had discovered that one year in England had been the equivalent of thirteen hundred years in Narnia. So wouldn’t that mean that by now over one hundred years had passed?

This night nevertheless found her much the same thinking, sitting on the window seat of her room and staring out into the distance, but seeing nothing but him – remembering all that they’d had and had promised to each other. A delicate knock on her bedroom door stunned her from her reverie, a second later the visitor proved to be Lucy as she put her head around the door.

“Lu? What are you doing up at this hour?”

“I might ask you the exact same thing,” Lucy replied inviting herself into the room and sitting on the end of Susan’s infrequently used single bed. “You do know that it is unhealthy to sleep only when you are so exhausted that you pass out?”

“Lu...”

“No, pay attention to me for once,” Lucy demanded unsympathetically. “I wasn’t always a child and I can identify with the feelings that you have for Caspian. I have had them myself, admittedly an incredibly long time ago. What I don’t get is why you are putting yourself through all this? I’m sure Caspian wouldn’t want you to just let yourself die and we don’t want you to do it either.”

“I know, Lu,” Susan answered forcing herself to look at her sister for the first time in weeks. “I just don’t know how to do it...”

“We’ll all help you,” Lucy guaranteed her.

Susan acquiesced more or less imperceptibly with the bare nod of her head, rising from the window seat and went over to her bed, where Lucy tucked her in like she was a small child. As you would have thought Lucy lay down with her apparently intending to stay until she was certain that Susan had fallen asleep.

They laid there in stillness for such an extended time that Lucy nearly thought that Susan was slumbering, until she spoke abruptly. “When do you think that you and Ed will go back?”

“Su...”

“Don’t worry; I’m not going to make a scene, Lu. I was just wondering if you could t-tell him something for m-me – if he’s still l-living.”

Lucy grasped hold of her hand, “Of course he will be and you know I will deliver it the second I see him.”

“T-tell him that I love him a-and...”

“And what?”

Susan shook her head against the pillow, “It doesn’t matter.”

Lucy felt as powerless as she did when Susan began to weep. Susan was at all times the strong one, but it seemed that Aslan’s cold-hearted behaviour had shattered her essence, as she had been required to leave her heart in Narnia. Not knowing what else to do she cuddled closer to Susan and after a while when she heard Susan’s breathing level out in restless sleep, she followed her into slumber.

//And I can see your face
your kiss I still can taste
Not a memory erased//

Narnia...

It was the brilliance of the first part of morning that awoke the King from his slumber, causing all sorts of blinding pain in his head and obscuring of the eyes to take place. However he did not make a complaint because he knew he deserved it, he had thoughtlessly challenged to drink Trumpkin and quite a lot of other dwarfs under the table the preceding evening.

All of that thoughtless behaviour was due to one explanation, Susan, High Queen of Narnia of old and his heart. Ever since she had been forced out of his life and his world six months earlier by a malevolent lion – Aslan - he had been misplaced. He was nothing but an emotionless shell of a man who performed his responsibilities day after day with no respite.

He heaved a sigh at the direction of his thoughts, nothing helped and he knew that his friends were making an effort to help him. It was not their error that the short-lived distractions they made available faulted the instant he returned to his room, to the bed that he had shared – for one brief night – with his beloved.

If Aslan had not gotten in the way, they would’ve been wedded for just about half a year now and he knew that Susan would have made certain that he was a whole man, one who could balance his duty with that of his family.

However he would not have a family now, no successor to claim the throne, not without Susan. No matter how many prospective Queens the Lords paraded in front of him, whether they were their daughters, sisters, nieces or visiting royalty from their allies. No one could or would take the place of his one true love, in his heart or in his bed.

“Your Majesty,” Trumpkin called through the door mere seconds before barging through it. “How are you feeling this morning?”

“The normal - like my heart has been savaged by an unsympathetic lion. But today I possess the added enjoyment of having my head pound as though a dwarf was dancing upon my brain.”

Trumpkin to his credit did try to not to express amusement at the image Caspian had invoked and was even reasonably triumphant until the King scowled at him. After taking a minute to compose himself, he continued with what had brought him there. “You are due in a meeting with the Lords in an hour to discuss your plans.”

“I know.”

“Are you still going to insist on doing it?”

Caspian looked at his diminutive friend, “Do what?”

“Restore that bloody castle!”

“Of course,” Caspian responded quietly. “It will be the showpiece of the new Narnia.”

“And it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that it was once Queen Susan’s home?”

When the young King could not meet his eyes, Trumpkin was assured that he was correct. Knowing that he had been caught Caspian admitted the partial truth, “A little of it has to do with that...”

“Don’t you think that it will make it even harder for you?” the dwarf questioned as gently as he could.

“It could not be any worse than here,” Caspian proclaimed hoarsely. “In all places I look I can see her. In the passageways, the library, outdoors and... In here.”

Trumpkin’s eyes widened in astonishment at what he had just been told, “Caspian, did you and Queen...”

He did not get to finish, “I do not wish to discuss it!”

Trumpkin exhaled noisily, at first he had straightforwardly assumed the King was playing at love, infuriated due to Aslan telling him no and his Telmarine nature not wanting to give in. But now he had to deal with the fact that it quite possibly was true love that had taken place between the Queen and King. No wonder that Caspian had cursed Aslan’s name, to disconnect two people that had found such an exceptional gift was outrageous.

“I will see you in the Lord’s chambers, my King,” Trumpkin said readying to leave Caspian to his thoughts.

“Trumpkin,” Caspian called out. When the dwarf had turned around he said, “Thank you for being my DLF.”

“Oh, don’t you start with that crap,” he groused. “You’re not cute enough to pull it off.”

Caspian watched his friend leave and sighed, forcing himself to get up and out of the all too tempting bed – it would be too uncomplicated just to lay there and pine away. He knew he must prepare for the day ahead, to push past the thoughts and memories of Susan until night fell when he could wallow alone and dream of what could never be.

He was doing his newest project for her though, rebuilding Cair Paravel, Susan’s - and of course her sibling’s – much-loved castle, even if she might never know that he had done it. He had only the faint hope that he would live long enough to be there when Lucy and Edmund in due course were allowed to return, to hear news of her and to show them what he had done, so they could tell her of his gift.

It was the place where ‘The Golden Age’ of Narnia had been ruled from, he himself had no such misapprehensions, he only wanted there to be peace between the Narnians and Telmarines and it was as good as any place to start. A new place for them all to begin again; involving both the Narnians and the Telmarines in the design of the castle and surrounding township - and the workings of it - to begin working towards a communal objective.

He got himself prepared, washing speedily in the basin of hot water that a unenthusiastic servant girl had brought him and dressed quickly in whatever outfit had been laid out for him the evening before by his royal stylist. Taking another deep breath he forced the stray thoughts of Susan and his heartbreak to the back of his mind and headed off to the meeting to be as he should.

End Part