Chapter Five:

//Your faith in me
It pulls me through
When there's nothing around
to hold on to//

England…

America… her parents had in reality asked her to go with them to America. Pre-Narnia, pre-Caspian and pre- the whole thing else, she would have been over the moon to have gone with them. Now, even if she had wanted to go – which she did not – it was just not a possibility.

Her pregnancy was entering its fourth month and she was disinclined to expose the one piece of Caspian she had left to any preventable jeopardy. Of course if her parents had known about her circumstance, they would not have invited her to go with them for a holiday. Instead they would have most likely shipped her off somewhere for the duration and made her give the child up for adoption.

As you would expect, this meant that neither she nor her supportive siblings had come up with a way for them to enlighten their parents of Susan’s situation and resolution about it. The one that would make them grandparents before the year was out.

Even though they could somehow not find a way to tell their parents, they’d had no such difficulty with the Professor. Two weeks earlier they had travelled down to see him on the pretext of giving their parents a much needed weekend alone. The aging Professor had not been judgemental. He had spoken to her soothingly and had been more than a little inquisitive as to how the child had come to pass – seemingly without impairment – from one world to the other.

They had received no definitive resolution, but just speaking to someone else about what had occurred had relieved some of the pressure that they as a group had been feeling. By the time the weekend was over they had all wound down and been able to speak of Narnia and all that had happened there with something other than acrimony, sorrow and regret.

Lying down on her tiny single bed, she sighed, she was not as exhausted now as she had been a few weeks preceding. However even though she had more energy and mercifully no more morning sickness, she was circumspect about getting used to the sensation, lest it all go away again.

There was in addition a new concern to deal with, as her morning sickness had eased she had gained a few more pounds and had been forced to let out some of her clothes and abandon wearing some all together. Her diminutive, more or less imperceptible baby bump would sooner, rather than later be perceptible and then it would all really hit the fan.

“Su?” Lucy’s voice came softly through the bedroom door.

“Come on in, Lu.”

Lucy entered the room and closed the door behind her, before she sat down on the bed next to her sister. With no hesitation she placed her hand upon Susan’s vaguely swollen abdomen. “Can you feel the baby move yet?”

“No, but I can hardly wait.”

“Me either,” Lucy responded. “Our very own piece of Narnia… and of Caspian.” It was the that she realised what she had said, “I am sorry, Su.”

“It’s all right, Lu…”

The two girls’ stayed that way for a few minutes before Lucy dared to speak again. “When we were down at the Professor’s… did you try to go through the wardrobe?”

Susan sighed gently, “Yes… but there was no way through.”

“Ed and I did as well,” she confessed. “In fact Ed was a little bit too enthusiastic…”

“What do you mean?”

“He flung open the door and ran into the wardrobe, only he didn’t stop. He hit the back face first,” Lucy admitted smirking.

Susan tried to choke back the laughter, “That’s terrible, poor Ed.”

Out of nowhere Lucy asked, “You’re not going to America, are you?”

“Don’t worry, Lu,” Susan reassured her. “Even if I was not… I wouldn’t be interested in going. I am much happier staying here and taking care of you and Ed.”

“And Eustace.”

“What?”

“If you don’t go, then his mother is going in your place. So we are going to get to spend three months with him.”

Susan all of a sudden felt like crying, “As if I was not going through enough…”

“Oh no!” Lucy cried out unexpectedly.

“What’s wrong, Lu?”

Lucy bit down on her bottom lip, “How are we going to stop *him* from finding out?”

“Oh crap!”

//I tried so hard to fight it
But I can't let you go//

Narnia…

Caspian was in love. No, not with another woman – the only one even capable of owning his heart was Susan – but a ship. His ship. The one that the Narnians and Telmarines had in cooperation built for his journey out into the Eastern Sea. The people had christened it ‘The Dawn Treader’ and even though he was not fond of the name, he was not inclined to quibble.

In less than one week; he, Trumpkin and Reepicheep – plus some crew – would set sail in search of Aslan. He knew that his friend’s thought he had gone round the bend and maybe it was accurate, but it seemed like it was his very last chance for happiness and to pull himself out of his treacherous slide into insanity.

He’d had little difficulty convincing his Lords to go along with his scheme, in exchange for a small side venture. In exchange for his expedition he had promised them that he would search for the seven missing Lords, the ones Miraz had feared dedicated to Caspian and his father and in reprisal he had sent them out to sea, never to return. Of course – and fortuitously for him – the remaining Lords had no idea that he would have agreed to very nearly anything to get his own way.

All the arrangements had been made, in his place he had prearranged for his Professor and Glenstorm to govern co-operatively until he could return. Time was the only test to see whether or not that would work, but at this point he was beyond it all. His every thought was out on the sea, which was the colour of his beloved’s eyes.

He had a great deal left to do but for once he was disposed to be a little lazy and pay no heed to his duties for a little while longer. Caspian simply wanted to look intently at his ship and weave his fantasies around him sailing off into the sunset to retrieve his lost love.

Alas, he at long last went back into the castle to conclude his daily duties before he could retire to his room. His suite coincidentally happened to be the newly rebuilt version of Susan’s old chambers, much to the disgust of Trumpkin and the worry of the Professor. He performed for his subjects, made innumerable decisions and dined with Trumpkin and Reepicheep before the day ended.

When he ultimately was able to return to his suite, he sighed with immeasurable relief. Being a Prince of Telmar had been demanding, but being the King of Narnia was just about unmanageable, in particular when you did not have that extraordinary someone to share the burden with.

Heaving a sigh, he threw himself down onto the king-sized bed and thought of Susan. Most recently she was consuming more and more of his thoughts, more than ever as his plan to set sail had come to fruition. How long had it been for her? Did she still feel the same way about him? Did she remember and honour their promises, s he did? Did she even want to return… to him…to Narnia?

He could and would – and had on countless occasions – driven himself round the bend with the questions and the memories. However he could infrequently, if ever, stop himself from indulging in it, especially when he was alone. But tonight he had decided things had to be different. Tonight, he had things to do and unquestionably no time to fritter away.

Unhappily he had to sort out what he wanted and needed to bring aboard the ship with him. He had also all ready had his verbal admonition from Trumpkin to control the amount of Susan’s belongings he brought with them. Although he wanted to honour his friend’s request, he did not know how to leave any of them behind.

If… no… when she was returned to him, would she not want her things? Did that not mean that he had the duty to bring them all with him? No, he had to be reasonable. After all there was only so much room on board and not every little thing could be a requirement. Plus there were his own belongings to sort and ready for packing.

So he settled on bringing a quantity of smaller items and a few dresses, all of which still – however faintly – carried her scent. Hoping that it would be enough to satisfy all parties involved and give him a break from Trumpkin’s unpleasant lectures. Deciding in the end to leave both the sorting and the packing of his own things to the maids, he walked over to the castle’s newest monuments.

The statues of the Kings and Queens of Old had been removed from the treasure hold, restored and displayed in the garden that had been dedicated to them. He’d had them advantageously placed so that Susan’s was located near him – in the view from his bed chamber windows. The statue did give him something else of her to stare at, even if it did not match nor do justice to her exquisiteness – both inside and out.

Readying himself for slumber – which as was customary would not come without difficulty – by changing into his night clothes, climbing into his sizeable cold bed and pretending that *she* was lying there with him. Sighing he closed his eyes pretending to sleep and hoped that if he were to stay that way long enough, pretence would become authenticity.

End Part