Xander

He rushed into the hospital as soon as he got the call from Willow. He hung up on her so quickly he didn’t even find out what demon hurt his friend. He ran over to the nurse’s station and practically demanded where Buffy’s room was.

They just stared at him until he slammed his fist down on to the table. The nurse stuttered and gave him the room number and he was already running down the hall. He wasn’t going to lose her again. They had grown so close over the past few months and damn it, he wasn’t going to lose her.

He stumbled into the room and froze. Willow was standing there holding her friend’s hand and Dawn staring angrily out the window. Buffy was so pale and her wrists were wrapped tightly and she had tubes going into both arms and an oxygen tube in her nose. A small monitor was beeping and he was slightly glad for the annoying beeping sound. At least she was alive.

He couldn’t take his eyes off of her tiny form. He had seen her sick, he had seen her dead, but this was…. she was so tiny.

Without taking his eyes off her, he said in a controlled whisper, “Who the fuck did this to her?”

“Xander,” he heard Willow croak out.

He looked up at her and saw the tears falling down her face. He let go of Buffy’s hand and walked over and pulled his best friend into an embrace and felt her body start to shake.

“Shhh, Willow, we’ll get the Son of a Bitch that did this to her,” He snarled.

He frowned when the sobs increased. He pulled her away from him and held her at arms length.

“What are you not telling me?” He asked.

Willow just stared at him and sobbed, she couldn’t seem to form a single word.

“What she can’t say, I sure as hell can!” Dawn practically yelled.

He swirled to Dawn and stared at her. There was so much anger in her eyes.

“Did Spike do this?” he asked.

Dawn started laughing hysterically.

“Dawn!” he shouted, annoyed at the teenager.

“Look around you Xander! Look at her wounds! She’s selfish, she always has been,” She screamed and ran out of the room.

He watched her run and turned to stare at the tiny blonde in the bed and his eyes just wouldn’t leave the bandages on her wrist.

“It’s true,” Willow whispered.

He shook his head, it couldn’t be, and she would never do this. Buffy had so much to live for. There was no way possible, absolutely not.

“Xander,” Willow said louder.

He dragged his eyes, which had grown heavy to stare at the red head. Her eyes told him it was the truth.

“Why?” He asked.

She lowered her head and bit her lip. His eyes widened. She always did that when she had a secret.

“Tell me now Willow. Why the hell would Buffy do this?” He said softly, not wanting to scare her.

She looked up at him with anger in her eyes but tears were drifting down her face. He reached up and wiped them gently. He had no idea what was going on.

“I hate them for this,” She whispered.

“Who?” He asked.

She pointed upwards and he frowned.

“The sky?” he asked confused as hell.

“No, the people who made Buffy what she was. Why can’t she be happy? I don’t understand Xander. She can still be the Slayer and be happy. They made Cordelia into a demon and a higher being and she’s the biggest Bitch in the world but they made her happy and she’s never done anything to deserve it,” She sobbed.

“Huh…. Higher…huh?” He said confused.

“Cordelia was having visions for Angel so he could be on his path to redemption, but they were killing her and well, to stop this she was made a demon or part one anyway and then they made her a higher being,” She whispered.

He frowned. “Huh?” he asked again. He still had no clue what the hell she was talking about. Cordelia is a demon? Cordelia is a Higher Being? He started to laugh, but the look on Willow’s face confirmed her story.

“You know this how?” he said trying not to laugh hysterically.

“Cordelia told me and well…” she bit her lip and he frowned.

“Well?” he asked

“Angel confirmed it,” She whispered.

His mouth formed an O and stared at his life long friend. Maybe he was a demon magnet, he thought. He shook his head.

“So, Buffy found out and then decided to end it?” he asked. Something was just wrong here.

Willow bit her lip again. Damn it, he was starting to get pissed.

“Willow,” He snarled.

She flinched and he regretted his tone, but damn it, she wasn’t telling him everything. He watched as she backed up and reached into her pocket and pulled a pink piece of crumbled up paper and handed it to him. He took it from her and gave her a funny look.

“Just read it Xander,” Willow sighed and walked over to Buffy.

He opened it up and just stared at it and couldn’t tear his eyes from the words.

He started ripping the paper into several small pieces for a few minutes, until he could no longer see the words. He straightened his shoulders and looked at Willow. What a joke, a picture-perfect wedding!

“Because of this?” He asked.

She nodded.

“Are they really getting married?” He asked hoping it was some sort of joke.

Willow lowered her head and nodded. “I found them a Wiccan Priestess to do the ceremony,” She muttered.

“Excuse me? What was that last part?” He asked. He knew damn well he hadn’t heard her right.

She looked straight at him and said, “I found someone to do the ceremony since Angel can’t be blessed by a Priest.”

“WHAT!” he yelled. Ok, so maybe he had heard her right.

She sighed, “Xander, I have been talking to Cordy for months now, well ever since Buffy died the original time. We share information like Giles used to do with Wesley, and then a few months ago she asked me if I knew of anyone. She didn’t come straight forward with why and I asked her to ask Wesley because he should know someone and she broke down and said Wes doesn’t work their anymore and she needed someone she could trust,” She laughed.

He just stared.

“She told me that they fell in love and were going to get married. I think I went into shock and I mumbled out a name before I could think,” She whispered.

He shook his head in disgust. “How could you?” He asked.

“I didn’t mean too and I didn’t think it would hurt anyone. She told me not to tell Buffy and hey….ya know, it’s not like I was going too but she found the invitation and how is it he can be with that bitch and not her?” She sneered.

“I don’t know, but I’m sure as hell going to find out. He made Buffster miserable and does he have any clue what he’s done to her? He was never around. The bastard is going to pay,” He snarled.

“Oh, he knows that she knows,” Willow whispered.

His eyes widened. “How?” he asked.

“There were about 10 ten different messages on her answering machine from him today. He kept yelling at her to pick up the phone. There are probably more. I’m pretty sure I heard the phone ring when we were leaving.” she said with an angry expression on her face.

He stood up and walked to the door.

“Where are you going?” She asked.

“To make it hurt,” He snarled.

“Xander, wait!” She cried out.

“You can’t talk me out of this,” He said angrily.

“Wasn’t going too. I hope you kill him personally, but I have something for you and don’t open it till you get time alone, ok?” She said.

He frowned, and she dug into her pocket and pulled out a napkin and walked over and stuck it into his pocket.

“Promise me you will wait to open this?” She asked.

He nodded, “Why?” he asked.

“Just do it. I found it next to Buffy.” She whispered, sadness creeping into her eyes.

“Ok,” He said and was out the door before she could say another word.

He hoped into his car and sped off. He was so pissed, that by the time he made it to LA, he had been pulled over and given a ticket. It just added to the fire.

It was going to hurt.

He pulled up to the Hyperion and stared at the white balloons that were in the archway to the front door and laughed hysterically as it all set in. He sat in his car and did what dead boy was famous for. He started to brood.

Buffy did everything she could for everyone and he found it ironic that none of them would have been alive, especially Cordelia, had it not been for Buffy. Buffy had fallen in love with the wrong person and turned him into a psychotic ass hole that tried to end the world. He refused to think of Willow that one time….

But, for some reason she still loved him and he had finally seen it himself when Angel had left, how much she was hurting. All the things she was doing just wasn’t Buffy and then when Willow pushed for Riley, he supported it and he didn’t even like the guy. Not that he still wasn’t jealous, but he had Anya, and it looked like Buffy was getting better with Riley, but during the time she was with him, he noticed the fake smile on her face more and more and the lines around her eyes, and would catch her more and more staring out into the night. Then, when Riley talked to him about her, he knew…. he knew what was in her heart, but he just couldn’t get the idea that she loved Angel…. It was just not natural. So he made her go after Riley and she did and he knew she did it for him, and not herself.

For the first time in his life, Xander Harris was having an epiphany.

It hurt.

He did nothing but condemn her this past year for not sharing her feelings and always had this feeling of jealousy and hatred for her for picking a demon over him, but didn’t he fall for Anya who was older than Angel? Hadn’t she done worse than Angel? He had seen it with his own eyes when she went back to her old ways. She did it because he hurt her.

He felt his own tears fall.

God, it hurt.

He didn’t want to hurt anyone. He wanted to be the Xander everyone counted on. He wasn’t that boy anymore, he was a man who had made many, many mistakes.

“Kick his ass,” He whispered. God, he had bitched at her when she came back from running away. He felt like an ass. He ran his hands through his hair.

She loved him; he never knew what happened during her visit to see Angel after she came back. He only remembered not seeing the light in her eyes again. When he found out she was fucking Spike, he was pissed beyond all reason, but hell his ex fiancé had done the same thing. He wasn’t sure what hurt more.

It hurt.

But he knew now she had done it to feel. Everyone expected her to be Buffy. To be the one everyone could turn to when they had problems and for her to solve them. She had run to Spike, the one person who didn’t care about anything. She wanted Angel and to her, Spike could be Angel.

He breathed in a tortured sob and let it loose. Why the hell would they screw her like this? She didn’t deserve this. No one did, not even Cordelia. He frowned, if Cordelia was getting visions for Angel to save people then how come she didn’t get one before Buffy jumped. Angel could have helped save her. He knew she jumped for more than one reason but didn’t want to think about it. But still, shouldn’t Cordy have had a vision of Buffy trying to kill herself? Wasn’t Buffy the Warrior for good? Wouldn’t they want her protected?

He got out of his car and jogged across the road and stopped in front of the door. He saw the sign saying closed but invited guest were to go to the courtyard. He looked at his watch and grinned. Thirty minutes till the wedding. Oh this was going to be fun.

It was going to hurt like hell. Angel was going to find out what forever meant.

His grin turned into a sneer.

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