Abused

By Tango

E-MAIL: Tangofic@hotmail.com
DISCLAIMER: Nope. I still don't own them.
SPOILERS: Yet another AU. *G* Everyone' s human and in college.
PAIRING: B/A, of course!

DISTRIBUTION: My site (www.sunflower.com/~tango), Starrkitty's Adult B/A Archive (www.starrkitty.150m.com), Forever, Always and Then Some (Tara's site), Duck's Babble Board and my yahoogroups. Anyone else who houses my fic is welcome to it. All others, please ask me first. Thanks!

FEEDBACK: I've had this idea floating around in my head for a week or so and thought I would jot it down. Please let me know if you think it should be continued! (And yes, I am still working on my other fics. Don't worry. I plan to finish them.)

LYRICS: All lyrics are from Everclear

RATING: PG-13 for now

***

//i have seen you shake
and i know what it cost you//

Willow was sound asleep when Buffy came in, tiptoeing through the room. Willow woke with a start to see who the intruder was and gasped out loud. In the dark, it looked as if Buffy was cradling her arm protectively.

"Are you okay?" Willow shouted, jumping out of bed and rushing to her friend.

"Fell," Buffy forced out, looking at her friend hopelessly as if to plead, *Please don't call me on this. Please just pretend you don't know.* Willow flipped on the light and gasped as she saw that there were long scrapes up and down her arm and on her knees.

"Did you drag yourself around after you fell?" Willow snapped and then pressed her hand over her mouth.

"It was an accident," Buffy whispered and hobbled across the room, lowering herself painfully to the bed, "He's really sorry."

"I bet he is!" Willow shouted, "I'm really sorry too, Buffy! How long are you going to let him do this to you? How long before something really bad happens, before he really hurts you?"

"He promised it would never happen again," Buffy explained tearfully, hitching shuddering breaths.

"Doesn't he say that every time?" Willow demanded.

It took several minutes for Willow to gather the first aid kit and had to breathe deeply for a second before going to work. Buffy hissed as Willow cleaned out her wounds, trying to keep from meeting her best friend's worried and simultaneously outraged face. The redhead's hands were shaking as she tried to gently clean the angry skin.

"I'm sorry, Will," Buffy rasped with her head bowed, "I'm really sorry that you have to deal with this."

"Buffy," Willow said, taking her friend's hands in hers, "I just want you to be okay and you're not. He's hurting you and you're pretending it's not happening. Remember the first time he hit you and you broke up with him? You said you would never let anyone treat you like that and now you're letting him do it again and again. I don't...I don't understand, Buffy."

"I don't either," Buffy said as breath her sobs broke free, "I've tried to leave him, Will. I wanted to keep you out of this."

"You *tried*," Willow announced, "But you haven't. Why?"

"Because...because...I can't, Will," she whispered, hissing as she pulled her arm protectively against her side, "I can't explain this to you. You won't understand."

"I don't think I could be more confused than I am now," Willow snapped.

"I'm sorry," Buffy said, lying back and turning over to face away from her friend. Closing her eyes, she whispered, "I love you, Willow. Please don't stop loving me. I couldn't stand it if you did."

"I won't Buffy," she whispered back.

***

//she says she feels just like a hostage//

Willow gathered up her courage as she snuck sidelong glances at the man sitting next to her. Class had ended and now all that was left was the step where she opened her mouth and spoke. Firmly putting her resolve face in place, she cleared her throat and swivelled in her seat.

"Uh...Angel?" she said, thankful that her voice sounded remotely clear and cheerful, which was a miracle considering her whole body was filled with a sense of dread.

"Yeah?" he replied, glancing up at her and back down into his bag as he put his book, pen and notebook away. Willow sighed. He obviously didn't see the severity of the situation tucked below her feigned casualness.

"We've kinda become friends this semester, haven't we?" she started. *That was nice and simple. Good first step*, she thought, inserting an uneasy smile.

"Sure," he answered, still not looking directly at her, but glancing up now and then as he checked to make sure his materials for his next class were there.

"I...uh...I have a question for you," she blustered, managing to effectively blow any off-handedness she had come up with moments prior.

After he had finished zipping up his bag, he gave her his full attention, which is what she wanted until she got it. His eyes boring into her with concern was even worse than when she had him cocking one ear in her direction. Taking a deep breath, she leaned in and continued, "Do you know my best friend, Buffy Summers? She's about this tall, blonde hair?"

"She's in my Art History class," Angel answered, keeping his tone untouched by any opinion he might have of her. Willow sighed.

"I'm gonna be straight with you," she said, glad that the room was now empty of the other students. This was there was less chance of being overheard when he told her she was a crazy person. Clutching the edge of the desk, she continued, "You're the biggest, baddest, most intimidating person I've ever met. You know, it's kinda strange cause you're so smart too. And nice, when you're done with the intimidation part. Which I am. Mostly."

"Uh...thank you…I think?" he answered, raising an eyebrow at her.

"This is not coming out right," Willow muttered, "Look, my friend is in trouble. Buffy, that is. My friend, Buffy. She needs help and she needs someone who is big and intimidating to help her. It would be nice if you were willing to beat someone up too. With punches. Lots of them. Hard ones. In a row. Maybe I could get you some brass knuckles and then-"

"Willow," Angel said, interrupting her, "Are you asking me to beat someone up for your friend?"

"No," she answered, casting her gaze to the floor for a second, "Not if you don't *have* to, although I have to tell you, I *really* hope you do have to."

"Who's trying to hurt her?"

"Not trying," Willow corrected, "*Is* hurting her. Her boyfriend. He started out so nice and sweet and then he started bossing her around and calling her names, but now she keeps coming home with bruises and strange marks. Sometimes she's bleeding. Oh, and she lies to me! Me! Says she fell down, but Angel, she's my *best* friend. I know she's not *that* clumsy. He's hurting her, emotionally and physically. I could pay you, you know. Just to watch her for a couple of days and see what you think. And if you had to punch the poophead, it would be a bonus, like a prize in your crackerjacks."

"A bonus for you or me?" he asked wryly.

"Both," Willow nodded, "I'm sure you'll agree on the poophead principle the moment you meet him. He's so...mean."

"I thought I was the mean one," he said, giving her a sad half smile, which seemed to be a struggle.

"You're not mean. You just look like you could be and I hope you are. All over his face," Willow huffed.

"Listen, Willow-"

Lowering her voice, she looked up at him and tears filled her eyes like she had promised herself they wouldn't. She whispered, lower lip trembling, "He's hurting her and I can't make it stop. I've tried everything; tried talking to her, threatening him, getting other people to threaten him and she won't leave him. She doesn't love him. I know she doesn't. I think she's afraid...and she's not the only one."

"Willow-"

"Please, Angel," she cried, clutching his hand and resorted to tearful begging, "I don't have a lot of money, but I'll give you everything I have and I know it's wrong somehow to ask you to do this when you don't even know her and she would kill me if she knew I told you, but I can't take one more-"

"I'll do it, Willow."

"Please, Angel-" she continued, and then realized what he said. Jerking her head up, she looked into his eyes and shivered. What she saw was the most raw anger and hate she had ever seen reflected on a person's face. It was there just for a second and then it was gone, replaced by his normally stoic, unemotional demeanor, "Y-y-you will?"

"Yes," he said, rising to his feet. He bent over her desk and pulled the pencil from her fingers that she didn't even know she'd been clutching and jotted on her notebook his name and phone number in neat script, "Call me when you're done with classes and we'll talk about it. I have class with Buffy now. I'm going to go before I'm late."

"You're not going to tell her are you?"

"No," he said, "I won't tell her."

***

//i wonder if you're giving in
tell me why you're giving in//

Angel hurried from the room where a very worried and shaking Willow Rosenberg sat. He never liked that he had these two classes so close together and today was no different. He really liked the brainy redhead and was usually glad when she sat next to him to shield him from whichever girl would try to talk his ear off during class. He *liked* class and usually went there to learn, not flirt. Well, except for his next class.

He almost choked when Willow asked him if he knew who Buffy Summers was. He snorted inwardly. Hell yes, he knew who she was! Anyone attracted to females on campus who had decent sight could at *least* pick her out of a crowd a fifty paces. He wasn't blind and even if he was, he probably still would have noticed her. He lived, slept and breathed the golden girl who shared his Art History Class and he thanked his lucky stars that he had not dropped the class at the beginning of the semester like he had planned. It probably would have been the largest mistake of his life.

It didn't take him long to notice that she often had a strange bruise here or there. He thought at first she played a sport, maybe field hockey or something. Then as they appeared more frequently, and in strange places, he realized it was something completely different. He didn't know if anyone else noticed or not but he was more overly aware of the tiny blonde than most people. Willow Rosenberg had no idea what she had asked him to do, had no clue that he was already in love with her troubled friend. Buffy was so perfect, so tiny, so wonderfully smart and witty. Whenever she forced out a smile, even a fake one, it damn near blinded him.

Angel moved into class and strategically placed himself somewhere near her as always. He wanted to be close, but not too close. He was afraid if he inhaled too much of her vanilla perfume or if he was within arm's reach he would be tempted to touch her – or even worse – talk to her. For an experienced senior in college, a man who never had problems getting dates, he sure lost his touch when it came to her. She made him feel like a junior high schooler who hadn't had his first kiss when he was near her.

Until today.

Today he was too angry to even contemplate being wistful or nervous around her. Today he blatantly stared at her body, scraping his eyes over her flesh for the wounds he knew were there. His anger was beginning to wane slightly as he saw no marks on her when she bent over to retrieve a pen from her bag. He sucked in a breath in horror as her little yellow top crept up to reveal what would be a golden bit of skin on an unabused girl. Instead there was an ugly purple and yellow bruise covering her side and back, disappearing under her shirt and jeans.

***

//she is the angel of the loser and the disenchanted soul//

"Obsessed" is a really strong word. So is "stalker." Both fit Liam "Angel" Angelus. He told himself over the weeks following his conversation with Willow and their subsequent meeting, that he was not obsessed with Buffy Summers, nor was he stalking her and he certainly wasn't in love with her. He was doing a favor for a friend.

He had declined Willow's offer to pay him and he made her promise not to mention his involvement to Buffy or anyone else. He already hated himself for not figuring out sooner that she was in trouble, that her bruises were just as severe as they looked. It was just that he couldn't even wrap his mind around the thought of someone hurting her. Why on earth would anyone want to mar her perfect skin or see sadness in those dazzling green eyes? It made no sense. And it made him want to torture and maim the person responsible.

He watched her with her boyfriend as much as possible and immediately saw that she was more of a decoration on his arm than a companion. He spoke to her as if she were a slave rather than his equal and the sight of him made Angel sick to his stomach. He had never wanted to hurt another human being as much as he wanted to hurt Riley Finn.

Two weeks following the beginning of his new hobby, he went to his favorite professor's office, Rupert Giles. He sank down in the chair across from Giles' desk when the preoccupied professor waved him in, barely pulling his face from the book it was pressed in.

"One moment," Giles mumbled, "fascinating."

Angel couldn't help but crack a smile. He loved history, but Giles studied it like it was going to disappear if he didn't hurry. He loved soaking up facts and dates and shared them with the class as if they were rare jewels to be polished and adored.

"Angel," Giles said finally, "Sorry to keep you waiting. What can I do for you?"

"Need a favor, Giles," Angel said quietly. The professor's jaw nearly dropped. Angel *never* asked anyone for *anything* if he could possibly avoid it. He had known him for years, having been close friends with his mother, and he had never seen the boy give anyone an inch, even when he was a child.

"Well," Giles forced out, "What did you need?"

"You know Buffy Summers? She's in your Art History class with me on Tuesdays and Thursdays."

"Yes, I do know the identity of my students unlike many other professors in this institution, Angel," Giles said and then added, "She's a delightful girl actually. I've had her in one of my lectures last year. Why do you ask?"

"She needs a work study position," Angel said, looking around the unkempt office, "And you need an assistant...badly."

"I already have an assistant," Giles said, "You aid me in many duties-"

"I'm the TA for your freshman and sophomore classes," Angel said, "You need someone else too. You can pull the funds from the department, Giles. You're the most respected tenured professor here."

"This seems awfully important to you, Angel."

"It's extremely important to me, Giles," he said softly, "Please."

"I can only give her ten hours a week," Giles acquiesced, "I won't be able to wrangle more from the History department or the Art department for that matter."

"That's perfect."

***

//just remember, it's a small town
it's a real small town//

"How could he have turned me down?" Xander demanded over pizzas the following night, "What, just because I'm a student, I can't move in?"

"Translation?" Willow asked, looking from Buffy to Cordelia and back again.

"Xander wanted to move into Angel's mansion," Cordy answered, shaking her head at her boyfriend.

"Okay…missing something," Buffy said. She smiled at the thought of Angel. Who could miss Mr. tall, dark and impossibly gorgeous? The thought of Xander moving in with him was delicious and strange at the same time. Buffy hadn't thought about anything but escaping Riley for so long, she hadn't taken the time to be attracted to another man, until she saw Angel in her class. Actually, she heard him first. His deep, rumbling voice when he answered the professor's question was sexy enough for her to turn around in her seat to stare at the body attached to that voice. And it was certainly worth the effort. "Why would you want to move in with Angel? Does he need a roommate or something?"

"Roommate or something?" Xander demanded, "You've got to be kidding me!"

"Translation?" Buffy asked impatiently.

"Angel lives in that huge mansion on Crawford street," Cordy said, patting Xander's arm, "It's the most coveted off campus housing in Sunnydale because the house is unbelievable, Angel hardly charges any rent and no one has to share a room, but he only rents out rooms to students."

"Oh," Buffy said, "Well, why do you want to live with a bunch of college kids anyway, Xand?"

"Because it was my *in*," Xander explained vehemently, "It was the way to get invited to parties and have college fun without all the books and homework! Will, you're friends with him, right? Can't you put in a good word for me?"

"No way," Cordy said, "I don't want you near those keggers and half naked women. Uh-uh. Forget it."

"Oh, come on!" Xander exclaimed, "I'll *hardly* look at the half naked women."

***

//it's hard on a girl
when you try to walk around on shaky ground//

"Giles," Buffy complained, slumping on the floor in front of his bookshelf. Angel grinned from across the room at her as she swiped sweat from her brow, looking like a little child sitting crossed legged on the floor, surrounded by a tower of books on all sides, "I don't get your crazy system! This makes no sense."

"It's called the alphabet, Buffy," Giles said, smiling at her himself. She had only worked for him for a week and already his life was filled with a great deal more amusement.

"In what language?" Buffy huffed, "Greek? Ancient Sumerian? You do know Standard English alphabet starts with the letter ‘A.' Say it with me, Giles, ‘A.'"

"Don't look at me, Buffy," Giles said, burying his nose back in his book, "Angel is the one who hasn't the patience to return a book to its proper shelf."

"Angel!" Buffy shouted in a joking tone, "This is all your fault?"

Winking at her from where he was checking papers, a slow smile spread over his face, "Have to make sure there's something for you to do, Buffy."

"Oh wonderful," Buffy answered wryly, "Thank you so much."

"You're welcome," Angel answered, "No trouble at all."

"Excuse me?" a voice said from the door. Angel bit his inner jaw so hard he was bleeding to keep himself from saying anything to the visitor. He simply glared, while Giles answered, "Yes? May I help you?"

"I'm here for my girl," Riley said, looking around the room, "Buffy Summers? She works here."

Angel's gaze shot over the corner where Buffy shifted back into the pile of books she hid in. He expected her to try and save face, to act as if everything was fine with him being there, but she looked afraid. Really afraid.

"She's-" Giles started, but Angel immediately interrupted, "You just missed her. She took off early today. We forgot to give her one of the work study forms, so she had to go to the Registrar's office to fill it out."

"When did she leave?" Riley asked, returning Angel's glare openly. Angel could see her inching back toward the book shelf in the corner to further hide herself and he had to fight not to glance in her direction, or get up and beat the boy within an inch of his miserable life.

"Fifteen minutes ago," Angel answered smoothly, "Probably close to finishing up by now."

"Alright," Riley said, stepping back from the doorway, "Thanks."

"You're welcome," Giles answered, shooting a concerned look from Angel to Buffy and back again. He raised an eyebrow at them and they both turned away and pretended to busy in their work, as if nothing happened. Sighing, Giles let it go and returned to his work as well.

***

//hey, i'll kick your ass if you pity me
i won't give in, i'm not like that
no, i won't give in to you//

"Listen Angel," Buffy said when Angel offered to drive her home, "I don't want you to get the wrong idea. Riley and I got into a fight last night and I wasn't ready to talk about it."

"You don't have to explain anything to me, Buffy," he said, walking beside her slowly, his hands shoved in his pockets, "I just thought you looked like you didn't want to see him and I didn't think you should have to."

"It's just that…well, you seemed kinda mad and…" Buffy mumbled. She didn't know why she even cared if Angel was mad or upset by the situation, but she did. Since she first saw him, she was intrigued by him. He was gorgeous and every time he opened his mouth in class, something brilliant came pouring out. Now that they were working together, she found that a frown on his face made her heart lurch. She cared about this beautiful man and strangely enough he treated her like he cared about her, like she was someone important. It was almost as if he thought she was worth loving. It was almost as if he loved her.

She looked up in his eyes and felt a chill go through her. There was the strangest mixture of murderous anger and devotion. Seconds later, the anger was gone and she felt him reach for her hand and holding in his gently.

"Here's my number," he said, tucking a scrap of paper torn from his notebook in her hand. He didn't care that it looked like he had planned it. He *did* plan it. Three weeks ago. Maybe more, "If you need me, call. I'll be glad to avert *conversations* with your boyfriend anytime."

"I don't know what you think you know about my relationship with Riley," Buffy said, putting the number back into his hand, while stopping to look up into Angel's dark concerned eyes, "But you don't know anything about it."

"I know a lot more than you think, Buffy," Angel said, keeping his voice calm and low, "You don't have to be a genius to see that you're afraid of him and that the bruises on your body aren't from falling down. I know it's none of my business-"

"You're right," she snapped, "It's none of your business!"

"I'm making it my business," Angel said, making sure he kept his voice from raising to the level of his anger. She didn't need to trade one violent boyfriend for another. "Every time I see a mark on your body, I know it's from him. You are a beautiful, desirable woman, Buffy. You could have any guy on this campus and they would worship the ground you walk on. Why do you allow him to hurt you?"

"I don't want to talk about this," she whimpered, moving away from him. The sound of his voice gently calling her name made her stop in her tracks. She kept her back to him, waiting for his approach.

"Buffy," he said, "That's not what love is. The way he treats you…If you let me, I can help you."

"No one can help me. Maybe I don't want help!" she said, keeping her back to him, thankful that he couldn't see the tears in her eyes. She felt his breath on her neck as he stood behind her, just close enough not to touch her. Reaching around, he tucked his number into her jacket pocket and whispered in her ear, "If you need me, I'll always be there for you. I won't let him hurt you again, Buffy. If you'd just let me take care of you, I can protect you."

***

//yeah, i know you need to break away
i don't give a fuck about what those people say//

Angel smiled down at his new list of renters for the this semester. Several of his tenants from the previous semester graduated, dropped out or transferred and the mansion's inhabitants were always looking forward to new blood, mostly because they liked to play pranks on them. So, when Doyle came in and pulled the list from him, he wasn't at all surprised.

"Lemme see who the new fish are this term," Doyle said after he strolled in and plopped down on the couch next to his landlord and best friend. He pulled the list from Angel and pored over the names eagerly.

"Sure, go ahead," Angel snorted, "Not like I was reading that."

"You already know who's on the list. You chose ‘em anyway. Not like you need to see it," Doyle said, pointing to the last name on the list, "Hey, I thought you said you hated this Riley Finn guy. Why're you lettin' him in?"

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer," Angel said, reciting the old proverb, "I want to know what he's up to as much as possible. With him under my roof, it'll be easier to keep an eye on him."

"Angel," Doyle said, sighing loudly, "The lass told you to stay outta her business. If you think killin' the boy in his sleep is gonna get you anywhere, you're headin' for disappointment."

"*He's* the one who wants to live here," Angel hissed, "He can move in at his own risk."

"Everyone wants to live here. It's no secret this is the ultimate bachelor pad in this town. Besides, he doesn't know you're plottin' to steal his girl," Doyle objected.

"I don't care what he knows and what he doesn't know," Angel said, pulling himself to his feet, "I dare that fucker to hit her while he's living under my roof."

"Angel…"

"If he does, he'll be hanging from it!"

***

Part 2

***

//i know i'm close to the fall
i know i'm dangerous
i'm afraid i'm going down//

"You think I'm fucking stupid?" Riley demanded. He crossed the room in three long strides and grabbed hold of Buffy's upper arm, squeezing her tightly.

"Let me go," she shouted back. She could already feel the bruise forming when she yanked the limb away from him, determined not to have her other arm aching as well.

"Is he your knight in shining armor, Buff? Do you really think that he's going to take you away from me?" he asked, moving forward until she was backed against a tower of boxes containing his things, "Well, guess what? I'm moving in with him today. I'd like to see you cheat on me with us both in the same house!"

"You can't," Buffy croaked in horror, eyes widening. When Xander mentioned Angel's popular housing situation, she never guessed that Riley would try to move in. She swallowed harshly and struggled not to panic.

"But I am," Riley said, "and if you tell him about us, if you try to leave me...I'm sure there's a lot of ways to get rid of him and it'll be all your fault."

"No!" Buffy screamed, tears squeezing out of her eyes, "Riley, please. I told you I'd stay with you. I will. You already threatened Willow, now Angel? He hasn't touched me, I swear."

"I love you, Buffy," he said, sounding scarily sincere, "I can't let you leave me. I'll do whatever I have to do to make sure you stay with me."

"You don't love me, Riley," she protested, "You're sick. You need help. I know you don't want to hurt anyone, not even me."

She waited for the pain that would come with his strike of frustration, but he shook his head slowly and looked down at her. Groaning in pain from hurting her, he pulled her against him, crushing her in his embrace.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I won't hurt anyone. It'll be better, Buffy. I won't ever hit you again. Just promise you'll stay."

"I told you I would," she muffled against his shoulder, "but Riley, you have to try harder. I can't live like this."

"I love you," he whispered, tugging her toward his bed, which was bare, the blankets and sheets having already been packed, "I'll show you. You'll never want to leave me again."

"I don't think you should move in with Angel, Riley," Buffy said, stopping him before they reached the bed, "I think it's a bad idea. What's wrong with living here? You like this house."

"You *are* cheating on me with him, aren't you?" he demanded, anger returning to his eyes with a force that made her wonder if it ever really left.

"No," she shouted vehemently, "I told you! We're just friends, that's all."

"Then why are you so afraid of me living with him, huh? You think I'm going to find out about what's really going on? I've seen the way he looks at you, like you're his personal whore!"

"No, no," she blubbered, trying to pry herself from his grip, "Just friends."

"Yeah, I bet," he snorted, tossing her to the bed, "Did you sleep with him? I bet he wants to protect you from me! I can't wait to see how brave your precious Angel is when his guts are on the outside."

"Stop it!" she screamed, "What the hell is wrong with you? You promised me a minute ago that you wouldn't hurt anyone!"

"That was before I knew you'd spread for that freak," he said, glaring at her through those cold, ice blue eyes. Pressing her against the mattress, she squeezed her eyes shut and choked back the bile that rose in her throat as she felt her shirt rip away.

***

//i am awful sure that this thing ain't no accident//

"I won't take much of your time," Angel said, facing the crowded room of his new and old housemates, "For those of you who are new, I'll go over the rules quickly and let you go on your way."

He looked around the room at all the new and old faces intermixed. A few of them were his friends and a few he didn't so much care for, but there was only one person he hated with a burning passion. Riley Finn was standing at the back of the room, glaring at Angel as openly as Angel glared back. No one in the room missed the open animosity between the two, but no one except for Doyle and Gunn really knew why.

"This is my house. I make the rules. You follow them or you move out," Angel said simply, "The first and most important rule is no one, for any reason, should ever be in my room. I have given my whole house over to all of you and that is my personal space. Stay out of it. If I find you in my room, I will kick you out of here, no questions asked. I occasionally have female companions-"

"Occasionally," one guy snorted in protest.

"Yeah, whatever, Angel," another called out.

"Room's like a revolving door," a third added.

"However you want to put it, guys," Angel said, chuckling, "I don't need one of you walking in on one of my naked visitors, so stay out. If the building is on fire and the choice is to go into my room or let me die, you'd better think about what you're going to wear to my funeral.

"Second, we party a lot here. Every one has different tastes and schedules. All I ask is that you don't get in so much trouble that the police are banging down my door. I've gone this far without having to have any special permits for all my boarders and I'd like to keep it that way.

"Third, I hire students to clean the house, to garden and several other odds and ends. Do NOT fuck with them. If I find out you are harassing them in any way, sexually or otherwise, I'm gonna get pissed off. I don't care if you date them, flirt with them or screw them senseless, but if you *abuse* them or pick on them we're gonna have words. The same goes for my visitors and everyone else's," Angel said, taking a moment to glare at Riley to make sure his point made it across.

"If you have a problem with someone, if someone's eating your food, stealing your stuff, calling your little sister names…don't come to me. I don't care. I'm not your mother, I'm your landlord. Anyone have questions?"

"Good," Angel said after a moment of silence, making sure he glared at Riley once more before continuing, "If you have any questions about anything and you don't want to ask me about it, see Doyle or Gunn. If you lock yourself out of your rooms, they can help you. And guys, I really suggest you keep your doors locked for awhile. If all your shit gets stolen it is not my problem."

Angel made eye contact with Doyle and Gunn and fought the urge to smile. He loved the first couple of months when his new guys moved in. It took awhile to learn the ropes and things were crazy. He couldn't count on both hands the number of guys who had gone to sleep safely in their beds and woke up in a stark empty room. As he headed up the stairs, he heard one of the new guys ask, "Is he really that much of an asshole?"

"You don't know the half of it, mate," Doyle answered with a laugh. Angel smiled broadly and went to his room. He hoped Riley kept his door unlocked and he woke up in the front lawn.

***

//giving in won't stop the noise
spinning wills don't give you choices
take away the spark inside, you take away the shining prize//

"Angel," Buffy said quietly, waving him over to the furthest corner of Giles' office the following Monday.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, looking over her suspiciously. He frowned at her, sweeping his eyes over her body in search of the hidden wounds. She shrank at his scrutiny and felt elated by it at the same time. Pausing between the confusion of her concern and her attraction to him, it took several seconds to speak.

"Why did you let Riley move into your house?" she asked, making her irritation clear, "Why are you doing this to me?"

"I'm trying to help you Buffy," Angel said, "I didn't ask him to move in. He applied for a room and I accepted him. He can't hurt you nearly as much if there are a bunch of guys on the same floor."

"You'd be surprised," she drawled, leaning back against the wall and looking up at him, "I want you to stay away from him and stay out of this. I'm not kidding!"

"I know you're not," he said softly, "I wish I could stay out of it, but I can't. I want you to be safe."

"*You* want *me* to be safe?" she said, laughing bitterly, "that's funny, Angel. You're making things *worse*!"

Even though she was backed in a corner with a man as large as her boyfriend towering over her, she didn't feel threatened at all. It was a strange sensation and it made her shiver. She felt, of all things, safe there with him blocking the world from her.

"I care about you," he said, backing away, "doesn't matter if you don't want me to. I'm not trying to make things worse. I told you I'm going to protect you."

"Yet another thing I don't have a choice about," she snorted, a flicker of anger flashing through her eyes. Angel liked that sight. He liked proof that she was willing to fight back, that she wasn't cowering in a corner with everyone.

"Don't compare me to him, Buffy," he said, keeping his voice low, but firm, "I'm not anything like him. If you were my girl, I'd show you nothing but happiness and pleasure."

"Well, I'm not your girl!"

"I know," he said sadly.

***

//she's perfect in a fucked up way//

"Operation Kill the Abusive Fucker," Gunn said grinning, "Meeting in session."

"That's *Maim* the Abusive Fucker," Doyle said, "I'm not killin' anyone…unless I'm drunk and provoked."

"That's easily arranged," Angel said dryly, leaning back in his leather chair. Despite his harsh warnings against entering his suite of rooms, that's where the three of them were sitting. His living quarters were very large and before he started having boarders, he put in a living, room, master bathroom and kitchen so he could live here for days without seeing another person if he didn't want to, "But this is Operation Keep the Abusive Fucker from Hurting Buffy."

"Alright, no killing or maiming unless absolutely necessary," Gunn said with a sigh, "But it will be necessary, won't it?"

"Yes," Angel said, straight faced, "Right now, I need to make sure Buffy isn't hurt. Couple of things need to happen in order for this to run smoothly."

"Out with it," Doyle complained, "I'm missing the pre-party."

"Alright, but you do realize it's Monday, right?" Angel said, shaking his head at his alcoholic friend, "I want you two to make sure no one knows about Riley and Buffy's little problem if at all possible. I don't want her more embarrassed than she already is. But I do want you two to start some rumors for me."

"Like what?" Gunn asked cheerily, "Are they naked rumors?"

"Gunn, you tell one of the guys that I'm in love with her-"

"You *are* in love with her."

"Doyle," Angel said, ignoring the comment as he turned to his other friend, "You find a different loud mouth and tell him that you overheard Riley threatening to steal as much as he can from everyone in the house before he graduates this year."

"Why do you want me to say that?" Doyle asked in confusion.

"Because I want them to watch him. If they know I'm in love with her and they see Riley hitting her, one of them will tell me," Angel said, "I want them all suspicious of him."

***

//sometimes i don't understand her
sometimes i don't want to understand her//

Xander muttered under his breath when the phone rang and stared at Buffy's changing body language. He would have known that she was talking to Riley even if he couldn't overhear the conversation across the dorm room. Glancing at Willow, he saw her stiffen in much the same way, keeping her eyes on her friend as if she expected Riley to come out of the phone to attack her.

"We're not making any headway, are we?" Xander whispered to Willow, but keeping his eyes on the nervous blonde across the room.

"No," Willow mumbled miserably, "There has to be a way to break them up."

"I say we hire a hit man," Xander suggested, not completely in jest, "I mean, they have people that make these things look like accidents."

"Well, at least he's living with Angel now," Willow said, shrugging her shoulders, "Maybe if there are more people around, she'll be safer."

"Like she was at Lowell house?" Xander said raising his voice a little too loudly. Moving back to a whisper, he added, "They all seem to be really good at minding their own business. I don't think she's any better off than she was."

"I...I asked Angel to help her," Willow blurted, running her words together as she explained to her friend about speaking with Angel several weeks before, how he's been watching her and how he got her the job on campus with Professor Giles.

"Hate to be the bad guy here, Will, but has he done anything, but watch her?" he asked angrily, "I mean, I'm glad you went out for reinforcements, but I think he's still stocking up on weapons."

"He won't let her get hurt in his house," Willow said, defending Angel. She too had wondered how he had actually helped so far, but she wouldn't let those thoughts remain for long in her mind. She had to believe that Angel would do something...anything.

"Guys, I have to go," Buffy said, hanging up the phone and turning towards them sadly, "Riley wants to see me."

"Did you tell him you have plans with people who actually care about you?" Xander demanded.

"I'm sorry," Buffy said quietly, "I'll make it up to you, okay?"

***

//such a cold blue star with a bright new shine//

"Did you forget the bloody time conversion, mate?" Spike asked while yawning through the phone, "It's 2:00 AM here!"

"Like I'd know when you were awake or sleeping anyway," Angel grouched back, "Usually you're still up. Dru wear you out tonight?"

"What do you want, Peaches?" Spike demanded of his step brother. He kissed Drusilla's dark head as she moaned lightly in her sleep and snuggled in tighter at his side. It was hard to be angry when his wife was sweetly dreaming there.

"I want you to come back to the states for awhile," Angel said after a moment's hesitation, "I need your help...with persuading someone."

"Look, you're going to have to clear up that offer," Spike replied, his voice still groggy, "I've got too many pints in me to take your hints."

"Let me speak your language," Angel added roughly. He knew better than anyone that Spike's only price was money and lots of it. When his father divorced Spike's mother, he took all his money with him. Something that Spike never really got over and Angel suspected he never would. Course, as a bargaining tool, it was a great power to wield, "I'll pay your airfare here and Dru's. Your room is still exactly how you left it. I'll put you back on your allowance for the next year if you come out here and help me."

"You're right, that is my language," Spike said, "Buy the tickets."

***

//i think you are blind to the fact that the hand you hold is the hand that holds you down//

Buffy walked up to Angel's mansion for the first time that evening after leaving Xander and Willow pissed off at her for breaking plans with them. Again, she wondered how she had gotten into this mess. Just a year ago, she had been happy and free, able to date who she wanted and hang out with her friends when she wanted. Now, she broke plans with them incessantly, hid wounds left and right, and was afraid to go home too often or her mother would know just how bad things were.

Joyce Summers loved Riley. She thought he was the perfect picture of what a boyfriend should be. On several occasions, she even mentioned that she thought they should get married. There was a thought that made Buffy want to lose her lunch. Even more frightening was the thought that it could be true. How was she going to get away from him, anyway? Every time she even thought about moving towards the door, he threatened her life, Willow's, Xander's, his own - anything to keep her there. Some days she thought he would actually do those violent things and other days, she thought he might not. But, what if she left him and someone's life was the cost?

Taking a deep breath as she always did before she met with him, she knocked on the door softly as if she didn't want it to be answered. She almost smiled happily, preparing to walk away when it swung open and a tall guy nearly bumped into her.

"Oh sorry," he said, looking down at her, "I was just leaving. Did you knock?"

"Yes," Buffy nodded, "I'm here to see Riley."

"Oh," he said, nodding, "Buffy, right? I'm Gunn."

"Nice to meet you," she said as he stepped back and pushed the door open.

"You too," he said, waving her in, "And in the future, you don't have to knock. No one does. It's never locked, okay?"

"Thanks," Buffy said, hiding her frown. That was horrible news. Now she didn't even have the *no-one-answered-the-door* excuse. Perfect. Wallowing in the horror that was her boyfriend's new living arrangements, she didn't even think to ask Gunn where Riley could be found in the giant structure. Sighing, heavily, she glanced around and saw Angel walking into the room.

"Buffy," he said softly, looking simultaneously thrilled and saddened to see her.

"Looking for Riley," she said, casting her eyes to the floor. This was so much worse than she thought it would ever be. How had Angel come to mean so much to her in such a short time? Now, the thought of going through Riley's moods and his abuse of her body seemed dirtier, sicker and more anguishing than it ever had before. Living her life was becoming a darker reality every second she stood in his presence. She was ashamed of who she was and what she was doing, that she couldn't escape. And she was drowning in Angel's pity.

"Upstairs," Angel said, jerking his head toward the back of the room, "Second door on the left."

"Thanks," she said, sweeping past him quickly. She nearly froze when she heard him whisper as she passed, "Yell if you need me."

Turning slowly, she moved back toward him and looked into his eyes furiously, "Don't."

"Tell him not to make me," he returned evenly.

"This *still* isn't your business," she whispered harshly.

"I *still* don't care."

"I like you, Angel. Please don't make things worse."

"Again, not my decision, love," he said, backing away, "But it can be yours."

Shaking her head, she quickly moved away again, hating herself far more at that moment than she ever hated Riley. She knew it was her decision and at the same time, knew there wasn't one. There was too much to risk...but the way Angel just called her "love" made her think that maybe there could be a way...somehow.

***

Part 3

***

//i can't smile
i don't know what happened to me
i don't know what happened to me
i can't smile//

A week went by and Buffy managed to avoid getting into a fight with Riley, stayed away from Angel when she was in the mansion and was able to have a whole interrupted night of fun with Willow and Xander. Those things alone should have made her feel better, but they didn't even come close.

When Angel entered her life, her perceptions of what was happy and good in the world slowly began to change. What had been enough before wasn't even slightly sating these days and the simple pleasures she had afforded herself seemed to become less fulfilling.

He had a way of looking at her, even when he didn't speak, that made her feel like she was doing something wrong. Being friends with him was making her miserable and just when she thought her inner turmoil had reached its peak, she started dreaming about him. She started waking up in cold sweats, panting, nipples so erect she had to touch them to keep them from aching, with a fire in her veins that she couldn't even identify.

The dreams were as unfulfilling as everything else, especially since she could barely remember what had happened in them. She kept bits and pieces, emotions, waves of pleasure. Several times it happened when she was in bed with Riley, just down the hall from the man in her dreams and she fought the urge to panic when she woke up with the wrong person's arms around her.

She couldn't believe it when the thought first entered her mind that her boyfriend's bed was the wrong one to be in. Dangerous ideas started to creep into her mind. What if she could escape Riley? What if Angel really could help her? The problem with those thoughts is that they always ended up with someone hurt or even dead at the end of the tale and she was left shuddering until the next dream when she forgot about the horrible possibilities and saw a different future than she had before.

***

//you can close your eyes but you can't make it go away//

"You must be Riley," Spike said, from his slouching position on the couch. He loved that he was back in the mansion with his pockets filled with Angelus' money. Drusilla's devotion to Angel was his only problem and not a large one. She seemed to think Angel actually was one. Soddin' ponce treated her like a princess and he had a sneaking suspicion that she had been in his bed at least once before they were married.

"I don't think we've met," Riley said good naturedly, which is how he usually came across to people who didn't know him. His eyes always seemed to twinkle with a charm and happiness that drew people in, made them trust him. Course Spike wasn't the sort of sap who would've bought that even if he didn't know what a wanker the boy was. He watched as the larger man lowered himself into a chair on the other side of the coffee table.

"I'm Spike," he said, sizing the boy up. He could take him. Any man who beat on a woman wasn't used to fighting someone who hit back. Spike couldn't wait for that to change. "Angel's step brother...and the future brother-in-law to your girl, I'm sure."

"What are you talking about?" Riley said, his formerly casual voice trembling in anger.

"Oh, I'm not saying anything," Spike said casually, lighting a cigarette and smiling happily at Riley's true colors waving in front of him, "It's just that my brother, the pansy that he is, happens to be very good at seducing women and he has his eye on that little blonde thing that's been climbing in and out of your bed."

"I'll fucking kill Angel if he touches my girl!" Riley answered, pulling himself back to his feet.

"Suit yourself, frat boy," Spike shrugged, exhaling a puff of smoke in Riley's direction, "You kill him, I inherit the Angelus fortune. Works for me on all sides, really."

"Are you trying to provoke me into killing your brother?" Riley sneered.

"No, mate," Spike said, laughing, "Just making conversation."

"I think I'm done participating in this one," Riley snapped, heading for the door. Visions of Buffy in bed with that arrogant, rich asshole made his blood boil. He had thought that moving into Angel's mansion was the perfect way to threaten Buffy and keep an eye on Angel at the same time. Suddenly, the plan was starting to wither before his eyes.

"Sure, mate," Spike answered, "Don't want to keep you. Piece of advice though?"

"What?" Riley said, turning full circle to face the bleach blonde British opposite of his landlord.

"You keep beating your bint the way you are and Angel will have her in his bed by the end of the month. And that's not a bloody threat, it's a promise. He's all but told me he's planning on fucking her hot little brains out and he could give a rat's ass that you're down the hall."

"Why are you telling me this?" Riley asked, stepping closer to the couch Spike was sprawled on.

"Because I like conflict," Spike said, grinning broadly, "And I'm effin' bored. Besides, I'd like to see Angel get knocked down a notch and if you're smart, you'll pull it off."

***

//she said, "i'm okay. don't worry about me."//

"Will," Buffy said, perching on the edge of her friend's bed. Willow was buried in her Psychology text book and damn if she didn't look like she was enjoying what she was reading. Buffy knew as a good friend she *had* to put a stop to that insanity, so she didn't feel at all sorry for interrupting her, "I need to talk to you."

"‘Kay," Willow said, setting her book aside, "I was just reading ahead in the book anyway."

"You're a peculiar person, Will."

"That's why you love me," Willow beamed. She was thrilled that Riley and Buffy hadn't had any bloody or damaging fights lately and Angel's name was starting to come up more and more in casual conversation. She definitely took that as a good sign.

"I...I don't know what to do," Buffy said, biting her lower lip in an attempt to reign in her emotions. Lowering her voice, she whispered, "I think I might have...feelings for Angel."

"That's great!" Willow responded, fighting the urge to bounce happily on the bed, "Do you want to call Riley right now to break up with him or should we write him a letter instead? Maybe a singing telegram is the way to go. What rhymes with ‘poophead'?"

"Willow," Buffy warned.

"Sorry. What are you doing to do?"

"I don't know," Buffy admitted, "I've been dreaming about him at night and when he looks at me...Will, I know what you're thinking but I can't break up with Riley."

"WHY?" Willow wailed, slumping on the bed looking like the wind had just been blown out of her sails, "Buffy, I don't know why you're doing this to yourself."

"Because I have to," Buffy said sadly. She never wanted to have this conversation with Willow, but she knew it was time. If something happened, Willow had to be prepared to protect herself...or find out the worst when something really bad happened.

"Why?" Willow repeated, "I've really tried to understand...Okay, we both know that's a big fib, but no matter how much I think about this - all hottie Angel thoughts aside - I don't see why you would ever let anyone treat you that way. Even you said that the first time he hit you."

"I've been trying to keep you out of this," Buffy said, "Will, the reason I can't leave Riley is because he threatened to hurt me and the people I love if I did. No one is safe if I leave him. At least this way I'm the only one being hurt."

"He's bluffing," Willow said, managing to sound slightly convincing.

"We both know he's not," Buffy said, "No one's safe - my mom, Xander, even you!"

"We'll go to the police," Willow answered, "Tell them he's threatened you and us!"

"I can't," Buffy said, "I know you think he's some horrible person, but he's really not. He's sick. He needs professional help."

"Oh, yeah," Willow blurted bitterly, "I can just see him strolling in the mental hospital and checking himself in! Buff, he's going to really hurt you one of these days, kill you even and your whole life will be wasted!"

"I know," Buffy whispered, "But I can't risk it. Not for your life or anyone else's."

"What about yours?"

***

//i dream of the time when i can make you mine
maybe then i'll feel half alive, more alive, so alive
this is the place inside where all good things die//

It was all an accident really. Innocent. Buffy decided not to panic.

And then she panicked anyway.

She hadn't really done anything wrong anyway. She was too short to reach the book that Angel had probably left on top of the bookshelf so, she asked him to get it down for her, which he did, of course. While handing it her, he managed to drop it and they both bent over to get it. When their fingers brushed, they glanced at each other, meeting eyes while bent over, each with a hand on the dusty volume.

He leaned in and she knew what was going to happen. Her brain asked her body politely and then with more force to turn away, to back up, to run in any direction that didn't contain those soft lips and dark, piercing eyes. Her body promptly refused to follow a direct order and soon she found herself opening her mouth to his tongue, allowing herself to be pulled in his arms and as he nipped gently at her mouth, holding her close to his chest and as he kissed her, her mind remembered what her dreams had been about.

He tasted clean and sweet, smelled like leather and felt like safety, passion and a mix of emotions that wouldn't allow her to pull away. She felt one of his large, elegant hands resting on the small of her back and another threading through her hair and somewhere in the middle of it, she began to cry.

"I'm sorry, Buffy," he gasped, breaking away from her sweet mouth as much as he didn't want to. She was breathing heavily and nearly hysterical as she backed away, thankful Giles wasn't in his office. As he looked over her pain stricken face, he was tempted to scoop her up and carry her far away from this town and her abusive boyfriend. Instead, he continue to apologize. "I'm sorry, please don't cry."

"I can't...we shouldn't...I have to go," Buffy stammered, wiping away hot tears from her cheeks as she backed away from him.

"It's just that-" he said, searching for the right words and coming up short. How could he say all the things that were running through his mind? *I love you. I want you. I can't resist you. I'd give anything to pull you into my arms and never let you go. I can't stand that there's someone hurting you and I can't stop it. I think I'm going insane.* An epic of emotions and sweet words ran through his mind and he kept silent as she ran out.

Buffy was halfway to the parking lot before it occurred to her to stop running. She missed the strange looks from other students as she hurried away and was actually glad she had. She wiped away the tears, but they kept falling in an endless flood. Her hands were nearly as wet as her face as she tried to brush away the most involuntary tears she had ever cried. Why did he feel so perfect? Why were his arms so warm and strong and safe as if nothing could ever hurt her there? Why did he have to have that look in his eyes, that constant mixture of worship and concern and anguish?

She headed for her room and for the first time in a long time, her pain was a different kind and her tears didn't seem to even come from the same well inside her. She pulled her stuffed pig close to her chest and curled up on her bed, sobbing for the love she hadn't had and was sure that she already lost.

***

//i hate the way i am around you sometimes i feel like I'm breathing underwater
you treat me like I'm on fire, like I'm something to eat
you make me hate what i see when i see me
yeah, i dream of the day when i learn how to make you pay//

Later that same evening, after a pleasant night, Riley sat up in bed and looked down at the little body sleeping beside him. She was curled up and in her sleep had scooted away from him, so she was nearly teetering on the edge of the bed. He reached out and shifted her a bit, so she wasn't so close to falling and brushed her hair away from her lovely face. He had noticed since he moved into the mansion, that when they spent the night together, she was more reluctant to have sex with him and more emphatic about not sleeping over. More often than not, he was able to convince her to stay and when she did, she slept more peacefully than she ever had before. He looked down at her dreamy smile and wondered what she was dreaming about, what happy thoughts were going through her mind.

She looked so inviting that he pulled her against him and wrapped his arms around her, filling with pride that she was his. Holding her right then, he knew that his fears about Angel taking her away were ridiculous. That was the face of a woman in love, a woman in his bed, not anyone else's. He grinned joyfully when she turned over and tossed one of her slender legs over him, resting her cheek on his chest. He rubbed down her back and over her tight little ass, giving her a squeeze and was rewarded with a breathy moan. Encouraged, he slid his hands over her body, caressing her through her silk pajamas and then moving under them as she responded in her sleep.

Risking her being upset with him, he moved a hand between her thighs and groaned when he felt how wet she was. He slipped a finger inside her slick passage and knew he was going to have to wake her. She seemed more aroused than he ever remembered her being and she moved against his invasion, mewling in pleasure in her sleep.

"Wake up, Buffy," he whispered, rolling her over on her back, swiftly unbuttoning the buttons on her top. "I want you."

"Yes," she whispered, keeping her eyes closed but pressing herself against him, "Yes, please."

"Buffy, wake up," he whispered again as he lowered his head to suck one of her erect nipples into his mouth. She responded immediately, arching her back to press herself against his mouth and releasing a shuddering moan that made his cock jump to full tumescence. Pulling away from her breasts, he whispered again, "Buffy!"

"Don't stop, Angel" she whispered, threading her fingers through his hair, "Don't ever stop touching me."

***

//i hear her calling my name
next thing you know i think i'll want to be a better man
i hear her calling my name//

"Angel," Gunn said, calling through the door quietly, "Angel, are you awake?"

Rapping more soundly and calling out for several minutes, Gunn decided to take his life into his hands and pulled out his key to let himself in. He knew Angel would be alone. Ever since that little blonde entered his life, he hadn't let another woman climb into his bed. Which worked out well for Gunn and the others. The girls were so heartbroken by Angel's rejections that they needed comfort and there were plenty of arms ready for the task in the mansion.

Leaning over the bed, Gunn shook his friend, "Angel. Wake up, man."

His last word was garbled when Angel's shot up and gripped his throat, squeezing before he even had a chance to open his eyes. Blinking awake, Angel released Gunn and frowned. Panic hit him seconds later and he sat up so quickly, he nearly bumped foreheads with his intruder who was still bent over from being choked.

"What's wrong?" Angel demanded, throwing the covers back and climbing to his feet. Gunn backpedaled several steps to give him room and then answered, "Buffy ran out of here like ten minutes ago."

"Is she okay?"

"She...she was bleeding and barefoot," Gunn said, "Three of the guys saw her, including Spike. Her pajamas were ripped and she was limping. Man, it looked really bad."

"Bleeding? She was bleeding?" Angel roared, storming across his room to pull on the pants he had shed the night before. "I'll kill that piece of shit. I'm going to torture that son of a bitch until he can't remember his fucking name."

"Hey, calm down," Gunn advised, and ignoring Angel's next outburst of profanity, "Doyle followed her out and is taking her home. Spike is on Riley patrol. I just wanted to let you know what's going on."

Gunn followed Angel out of his room and Angel made it to Riley's door in seconds. He turned the knob and found the door locked. Taking no time to think about it, he slammed his shoulder into the solid door and pulled back to do it again.

"He's not here," Gunn said, grabbing him and pulling him back, "He ran after her and Doyle and Spike are making sure the happy couple don't cross paths again tonight."

Gunn followed Angel back to his room and watched in silence as he put on a shirt and shoes with deft efficiency. They were both running as they reached the front door, but Angel stopped and grabbed his coat, checking for his cell phone.

"Stay here," he ordered, "If Buffy, Riley, Spike or Doyle come back, call me."

"Angel, I think you should really consider-" Gunn said gently, trying to keep his voice low as the great room filled with curious onlookers.

"No," Angel answered through gritted teeth, "I won't stand for this for one more fucking day! Not in my house, not anywhere else! That bastard is going to pay for every tear she's shed since he darkened her life and I'm going to make sure he knows what it's like to feel pain."

***

Part 4

***

//maybe i went too far this time
i just go crazy//

"Where is she?" Riley demanded of Willow. He had easily ditched Spike at the local pub by pretending to go to the restroom and headed right over to the dorms where he was sure that Buffy would be. Now the little redheaded bitch was trying to lie to him. He wrapped his hand tighter around her pale throat and squeezed, repeating his question more forcefully.

"I don't know," Willow croaked, trying to keep the tears from squeezing from her eyes, "Thought she was with you."

"You know damn well she's not with me!" Riley shouted, slamming her head against the wall.

"I swear I don't know," she answered and then her eyes flashed angrily, "And even if I did, I wouldn't tell you, you big, dumb bully!"

Raising her knee, she slammed it in his groin as hard as she could. With a loud groan, he fell to his knees before her and she took the opportunity to run. Sprinting down the hallway, she ducked into a friend's room at the end of the hallway and called Oz.

***

//the scary things you see from the corner of your eyes//

Angel looked everywhere for Buffy. He spent hours scouring Sunnydale before he came back home and started calling everyone that knew Buffy and everyone that might possibly know her. He had just resorted to calling hospitals when Riley stumbled through the front door with Spike in tow. Much to Riley's frustration, Spike had caught up with him at the dorms and had not let him out of his sight since then.

Rushing across the room, Angel knocked his brother aside trying to get to Riley Finn. He punched Riley once and then again, before swinging his leg up in a roundhouse kick, connecting with Riley's face and knocking him to the ground. Angel pounced on him and threw another round of punches, delighting in the blood that spurted from Buffy's boyfriend's face. His mouth twisted in a cold grin, as he pounded the only person he ever remembered hating. If Riley hit him back he didn't feel it, just as he didn't feel the damage he was causing to his own fists. He just kept slamming into Riley's face until Gunn and two of the other guys intervened, grabbing him and dragging him away.

"LET ME GO!" Angel roared, lunging forward toward Riley again and managing to pull his friends several feet with him.

"Angel, calm down," Gunn said, "Killing him and going to jail isn't going to help her."

"Won't it?" Angel growled, struggling to free himself, "I think his death would improve her life quite a bit. I'll be glad to do it for her!"

"You can't protect her from me! She isn't yours to protect!" Riley choked, taking several seconds to pull himself to his feet. He didn't bother wiping the blood from his nose or his mouth as he met the glare of landlord. Riley could still hear Buffy whispering Angel's name in the dark, her body begging for his touch. It made him sick to think about it. Stepping forward, he prepared to fight back even though Angel was restrained. He almost landed a punch but Spike held him back.

"Sticking up for your brother after all?" Riley hissed.

"I'm all for violence, but Peaches can't fight back," Spike said, yanking him further away, "That's poor form, mate."

"Let him go, Spike," Angel spat, still struggling to break free from his three tenant's hold, "The more I hate him the easier it'll be to kill him."

"You arrogant-" Riley began but the front door opening turned all heads in that direction. Doyle came in first and behind him was the crooning sound of Drusilla's voice as she led a still bleeding and injured Buffy inside the house. Angel's whole body shook as he looked over the woman he loved. Her mouth was split and swollen, trails of dried blood came from her nose and mouth and bruises had already formed over her jaw. Her pajamas were ripped so violently that her body was barely covered and he could see clearly that her arms and legs were bruised and bleeding.

"Buffy!" Riley shouted, trying to pull himself free from Spike's hold. Doyle and one of the other tenants jumped in to keep him from approaching her. Buffy cringed and stepped back, her eyes covered in terror, but Dru wrapped an arm around her and whispered in her ear to keep her from fleeing.

"She's going to be in my rooms with me," Drusilla announced, looking deliberately from Riley to Angel and back again, "The only person allowed in or out is my husband."

"You can't keep her hostage in your little apartment," Riley sneered, "When I'm free I'm coming up there to get her!"

"I'll have to hurt you then. No hard feelings of course," Dru said, whisking Buffy toward the stairs. Something in her half mad dark eyes kept Riley from saying more. The glint of danger on Spike's face told him that what she said was the truth.

"Buffy," Angel said softly, "Are you okay?"

"No," Dru answered. Buffy hadn't even uttered a syllable since she came in and her eyes looked glassy and far away. She kept her gaze shifted away from everyone in the room, casting her eyes on the wall or the floor. She looked…broken.

"Buffy," Angel repeated, "Please, love, look at me."

"Angel," Dru said, shaking her head while she answered for Buffy once more, "Just stay away for awhile, alright? I'll take care of the poor little girl."

***

//i can see it in your eyes
i can see it in your shaky hands
yes, i think you think i'm stupid
you don't think i understand//

A whole day and night passed with no emergence of Buffy. Angel wasted no time booting Riley permanently from his home and informing his friends and residents that the first person to let him through the door was out as well. According to Angel's demands, the guys gathered Riley's belongings and tossed them out the front door to decorate the lawn. After he had taken his stuff back to Lowell house, Finn stayed close to the mansion, sitting in his car in front, waiting for her to come out. Angel was determined to make sure that she wouldn't – at least not alone.

On the second night, Angel, having stayed awake the whole night before in restlessness and worry, fell into a troubled sleep. When he woke up a couple of hours later, he found a little visitor sitting on the edge of his bed.

"Buffy," he said hoarsely. He couldn't believe that she was even there. From the looks of it, Dru had been able to clean her wounds, but she still wore those dirty and torn pajamas.

She didn't say a word or even acknowledge that he had spoken. Slowly, she laid down in bed. Much to his surprise, she tugged him to lay back down and pulled his arm around her, encouraging him to hold her. He obliged, molding himself around her tiny frame and kissed the top of her golden head. She held onto to the arm slung around her waist tightly, almost cutting off his circulation, as if she was afraid he would escape if she let him go.

"I'll take care of you," he whispered, "I won't let him hurt you again, Buffy. I promise."

He waited for a long time for her to speak, but she kept silent. After several minutes, her breathing evened and she was fast asleep, but her little hand had not released its hold on him. She clung tightly even in her sleep.

***

//need to know if you were really gone
need to know if you were gone for good//

Spike woke up in the middle of the night in a panic. He rose from his chair and slowly opened the door to the bedroom where Buffy had been sleeping only to find her gone. Rushing around his suite of rooms, he found Dru soundly asleep in the bedroom, but no sign of Buffy anywhere. Cursing, he ran out into the hallway and searched through the open parts of the mansion before knocking on bedroom doors.

The last door he faced was Angel's and he stood there staring at the wooden doorframe for long minutes before he knocked. He couldn't believe he had fallen asleep. He and Dru had been taking turns watching Buffy since she came back. Since she hadn't slept at all, they thought it best to have one of them alert at all times. Hell, he hadn't even drank at all. He had been so worried with her curled up in the chair in the corner of the spare bedroom looking like she thought the ceiling would fall in on her at any moment. Spike hadn't remembered caring about anyone that much since he met Dru.

Part of him really did care about the golden girl that had captured his brother's heart, even thought initially he had thought he could use her as leverage against him. When he saw just how much Angel loved her, he couldn't seem to gather up the necessary evil to do a thing against either of them. Although he never would have admitted that to anyone other than Drusilla.

When he finally knocked on Angel's door, he knocked so lightly his brother wouldn't have heard unless he was awake and sitting in total silence. He didn't want to tell him he had lost her, that he had failed him, that he hadn't been able to do the only thing Angel had ever counted on him for. Fishing his keys from his pocket, he inserted the key in the lock as quietly as he could and took his time opening the door.

When he made it to the bedroom door, he let out a sigh of relief. Buffy was lying in bed with Angel, his large frame curled around her protectively. Her eyes flew open when he made it to the bedroom, wide open in fear. He saw her frantically moving back in bed, only to be stopped by the broad chest behind her.

"Shhhh, pet," Spike whispered, "It's just me. It's Spike. Remember, ducks?"

She calmed and Angel pulled her against him more tightly, still fast asleep. She said nothing, didn't even nod her head, but the fear was gone as a look of relief covered her face.

"You took off without so much as a goodbye, love," Spike whispered, "I was worried. Checkin' on you is all. I'll go."

He backed up and prepared to leave but looked back at her watching him depart, griping Angel's big arm tensely.

"If you need me, I'll be around," he said quietly and with a nod of his head, he was gone.

***

//that is where i first saw her
high on the bridge, i see her red hair shining//

Willow stormed into the mansion with Oz on one side and Xander on the other the following morning. Buffy had been gone for almost three days and she was terrified that something horrible had happened, especially after her violent visit from Riley. After numerous calls the following day to the mansion and getting no information from the tight lipped inhabitants, she decided that she was going to have to make a personal appearance.

"Alright," Willow said with her hands on her slim hips, surveying a room of college men, "I want to know where Buffy is and I wanna know now."

"Hey Red, calm down," Spike said, pulling himself up from the couch.

"My name is Willow," she said, "Not ‘Red.' I'm Buffy's best friend and she's been gone for too long. Something bad happened, didn't it?"

"Yeah and why is her asshole boyfriend is parked outside like he's on a stakeout or something?" Xander muttered.

"She's with Angel," Spike answered, "but I'm not sure you wanna go up there, kids."

"Who are you supposed to be with the condescension?" Xander asked irritably.

"Spike," he said, shrugging his shoulders, "Who else?"

He led them up the stairs to Angel's door and knocked firmly, only to be met with a harsh yelling voice, "Go away!"

"Angel, I've got three of your girl's friends out here demanding to see her," Spike answered.

"Angel, it's Willow!" she shouted, "Is Buffy in there with you?"

***

//dull, damaged and blind
sounds a lot like me
dull, damaged and blind
yeah, almost all of the time//

"Oh my gosh," Willow repeated for the third time, sipping a glass of tea on the sofa in Angel's living room. After seeing Buffy and hearing from both Angel and Spike about what had happened, she was still shocked.

"Yeah," Xander agreed.

"Second that," Oz said, rubbing Willow's hand in his comfortingly.

"I knew something like this would happen," Willow whispered, "But I really hoped it wouldn't."

"Well, the problem is that she won't talk," Angel said, "I can't get her to say anything and I think she might be going through shock of some kind."

"At least she's sleeping," Spike offered.

"She didn't sleep before?" Angel asked in surprise. She had done nothing else since she climbed in bed with him.

"No," Spike said, shaking his head, "She wouldn't sleep a wink while she was in with us. Guess she was still too afraid."

"Well, I think I'll have to take her to the hospital," Angel said sadly. He had been hoping that she would snap out of it before he had to take her anywhere but she didn't seem any closer to being okay. "I'm not even sure how badly she's hurt."

"Don't say that too loudly," Willow whispered, "She's terrified of hospitals. She'll freak out if you take her there."

"This just keeps getting better and better," Angel muttered. They all looked up as the door opened and Buffy shuffled out, still in her torn pajamas looking battered and exhausted. She scanned the room briefly, showing no emotion to the people present and then trudged over to where Angel sat in his armchair. Everyone, including Angel, was surprised when she climbed in his lap, laid her head on his chest and promptly went back to sleep without so much as a syllable to anyone.

"That's it," Angel said, looking down at his little love tucked against his chest, "I'm taking her now."

No one argued as he stood and carried her to the bedroom, emerging a moment later with her in one of his shirts, which looked to be just put on over her pajamas. The group followed behind him as he left the room.

***

//i'm not responsible for your life falling apart
i'm not responsible//

Angel was well aware that Riley was following him and Buffy to the hospital. If only he had known that the idiot had been outside of his home the whole time, he would have gone out to beat him again. Now he was just trying to avoid conflict with Buffy with him. The last thing she needed was something else to freak her out. He only hoped Riley was smart enough to stay out of his sight.

Angel paced out in the hallway while the doctors examined her, going back and forth in front of the rows of chairs where Xander, Willow, Oz, Spike and Drusilla sat waiting. A sound from the right made him turn to look and saw Riley marching proudly down the hallway. Spike and Xander stood up when they heard Angel make a low warning sound that sounded suspiciously like a growl.

"Finn," Angel said, narrowing his eyes at his intended prey, "Don't come a step closer to me if you don't want to check in here."

"I'm here to see my girl," he answered, stopping several feet from the group.

"You're the reason she's here," Angel answered, "So in my book that means she's no longer your girl. You've lost all Buffy privileges, boy."

They turned as the doctor entered the hallway and they looked expectantly at the woman who would be pleasant if she didn't have a disgusted look across her face. As the doctor prepared to speak, Joyce Summers jogged down the hallway frantically.

"I'm Mrs. Summers," she said, glancing over the group before turning to the doctor, out of breath and concerned, "My daughter, Buffy, was checked in here today."

"Mrs. Summers," the doctor answered, "I'm Dr. Philips. May I speak with you in private?"

"Please just tell me if she's okay," Joyce answered, becoming more worried by the minute. When Willow called, she was so evasive about what was wrong. The ride over had been a maternal nightmare. A thousand images of what could possibly be wrong had gone through her mind.

"Your daughter appears to have been raped, Mrs. Summers," Dr. Philips answered, "Her body is battered severely and she has gone into shock."

"Oh my God," Joyce gasped, raising her hand to her mouth, "Who did this to her?"

Joyce turned around and looked at Buffy's friends standing around her in the hallway. No one answered, but all eyes shot down the hallway at Riley. He withstood almost thirty seconds of their glares before turning and running away.

***

Part 5

***

//as i watch you fade
now i know what you know
and i'll break the chains you have made//

"Raped," Angel echoed, staring at the doctor. He felt a shudder go through his entire body and stumbled back a couple of steps until he was leaning against the wall. Raped? He choked on his own breath and vacantly turned his head to where Riley Finn had been standing.

"Who did this?" Joyce demanded, raising her hands to her face. Turning on her heel, she stared at the large, dark haired man leaning against the wall in shock. She raised her finger and pointed at him, "Was it you? Did you do this to my little girl?"

"Me?" Angel asked, blinking back his shock and staring into eyes that were the same color as the woman he loved, "Rape Buffy? No. No."

"It was Riley," Willow said, clearing her throat loudly, which seemed to echo down the hallway after him, accusing the path he took of the abomination.

"Riley?" Joyce said incredulously, "Riley would never hurt her!"

"He did nothing but hurt her," Xander shouted angrily, "He's been beating the shit out of her for months and months! Haven't you wondered about how she's always hurt, bruised or scraped somewhere?"

"That isn't true," Joyce mumbled, "It can't be."

"It is," Willow added, crossing her arms as she waited for more denial to come spouting from Joyce's mouth. They all turned as Angel's loud footsteps sounded in the hall.

"Angel," Willow called out, "Where are you going?"

"Tell Buffy when she wakes up, that I'll be back, okay?" Angel said, pausing in the center of the hall, "Tell her...tell her I'll keep my promise."

***

//i know a young girl living in the shadow of
the kind of life she could never make
she takes it all and gives it back in love//

*Raped.* The word kept crushing into Angel's skull again and again. He knew Riley had hurt her, but he had never been able to let his mind go as far as rape. Not rape. His whole body trembled with anger and revulsion as he exited the hospital and looked around the parking lot for a sign of the bastard that had hurt her. *Hurt her.* That wasn't even close to what he had done. Finn had violated her in every sense, physically, emotionally, spiritually. No wonder she had been in shock.

Images that would have turned his stomach a few months ago, things he never even though about visiting on a person, began to spring to mind as he looked for Riley Finn. He jumped in his car and slowly circled the parking lot before roaring out into the street. He planned to overturn all of Sunnydale until he found him and the only thing he was worried about was the idea of spending the rest of his life in jail for taking a life.

He had made it almost all over town and to Lowell house with no sign of Riley when his cell phone rang. Still keeping his eyes peeled for his intended victim, he answered the phone.

"Angel, it's Willow," said a worried voice over the line, "Can you come back to the hospital?"

"What's wrong?" he groaned, "Is she okay?"

"She's been calling your name in her sleep and...well...she's terrified," Willow said in a low voice, "Her mom told me not to call you. I don't think she'll accept that it was Riley that hurt Buffy until Buffy tells her, but she's not talking. The doctor prescribed a mild sedative to make her sleep because she wouldn't do anything but stare at the walls, but now it's worse. She's screaming, Angel, screaming for you."

"On my way," Angel answered, pulling a U-turn in the center of the street and heading back.

"You didn't find him, did you?" Willow asked quietly. Her voice reflected the fear she felt and Angel wasn't sure if she was afraid he would hurt Riley or vise versa, but he was beyond caring. He wanted to see Finn bleed again. Few dreams were more satisfying.

"No, but I will."

***

//i will not be denied
i will not be ignored
i'm not invisible anymore//

"ANGEL!" Buffy screamed, thrashing in her bed. The medical staff had restrained her and Angel winced at the bruises that were forming on her delicate wrists. She was already hurt all over and the idea that the hospital was causing her more pain just pissed him off. He had spent the past five minutes trying to circumvent Joyce and the nurses to get into the damn room and now that he was in there, he just wanted to scream in frustration, instead he crossed the small expanse of space to get to her.

"Buffy," he whispered, cupping her face in his hand. The moment he touched her, she stopped thrashing and he was almost glad that he felt the burning stare of her mother and a nurse at the door as he leaned over and kissed her forehead. Maybe they would see that he's innocent now. She obviously wasn't afraid of him, which should mean something to them. "Buffy, I'm here. It's okay. Everything's alright, baby."

"Angel," she whimpered, "Going to hurt..."

"No," he whispered as he unbuckled her restraints, ignoring the protests of the nurse behind him. "No one's going to hurt you now."

He massaged her wrists as he removed her bindings and she pulled him closer to her. He tried to sit in the chair by the bed but she kept tugging on him, her eyes squeezed shut and her teeth grinding in her mouth as if she were being beaten right then. Finally, he lowered the railing on the side of her bed where her restraints had been tied and sat down on the edge, caressing her hair and face. He was sure he heard Joyce gasp from the doorway as Buffy shifted in the bed until her cheek was resting against his thigh. She rooted around until she found one of his hands and intertwined his fingers with her own. Holding on to him tightly, she relaxed and mere minutes after his arrival, she drifted off into a deep, peaceful sleep.

Angel sat still and let her hold onto him. After a moment, he looked up to her mother and met her eyes. He wanted Joyce Summers to see that he loved her, that she was safe with him, that he would never hurt her, but she almost looked disappointed. It was if she wanted Angel to be the rapist, as if she didn't want to believe that Riley was capable of what he did. Angel didn't disagree. He wished no one was capable of that.

***

//sounds like heaven to me//

When Buffy woke up a few hours later, she was frantic to get out of the hospital, which actually relieved Angel and everyone else. At least she was not staring blankly at the walls, even if she was screaming for release. Dr. Philips ordered that Buffy stay overnight for observation and Buffy informed everyone that if Angel couldn't stay with her that she was leaving. After a long argument with her mother and Dr. Philips, she got her way and Angel was given permission to spend the night in her room. When everyone left them alone, Buffy looked at Angel who was still sitting on the edge of her bed - mostly because she hadn't bothered to let him go.

"I...I never asked you if you wanted to stay," Buffy said quietly, almost wincing as she prepared for him to tell her he didn't want to be there, "You don't have to. Stay, I mean. You can go home if you want."

"If you want me to stay, I'll stay," he said simply.

"Really? It's okay?"

"Sure," he said, "You should know by now...I'd do anything for you, Buffy."

She looked at him for a long moment, shifting nervously. Now that she had him there, she wasn't sure what to do. He couldn't very well stay sitting on the side of her bed like that for the next 8 hours. Slowly she reached up and pushed his leather jacket from his shoulders and he shrugged it off before removing his shoes.

"Lay with me?" she asked softly. Nodding, he laid back on the bed and held his breath as she laid her head on his chest. As he wrapped his arms around her and felt her snuggle in, he saw a glimpse of a possible future. Strange, that before all he wanted were easy women - easy to deal with, easy to sleep with, just easy in general and now he found that the woman he wanted more than anything else in the world wasn't easy in any sense of the word, save one - she was extremely easy to love. As she burrowed against him, curling her little body against his, he closed his eyes and held her, silently plotting out his next steps to ensure her safety.

***

//i just want to give shape to the face
that twists inside both you and me//

The following morning when Buffy was released from the hospital, her mother insisted that she come home for the night. After Joyce all but forbid Angel from seeing her daughter again, Buffy became more forceful than he had ever seen her. She informed her mother that not only was not going home with her and that she *was* going to see Angel again, but that she was going to stay with him if he'd have her.

And of course, it was perfectly fine with him if she stayed with him. Hell, he was hoping she'd move in. He didn't really understand what it was about him that made Joyce dislike him so much, but he saw that she was definitely going to be standing in the way of him being with Buffy. If he could only prove to her that Riley was actually the scum everyone knew him to be, then maybe she would relent...but he wasn't so sure. She looked at him like he wasn't good enough for her daughter or something. Considering most mothers begged him to marry their daughters once they found out how rich he was, this was entirely new territory.

*Figures,* he thought. The one girl he actually *wanted* be with and he was going to have to work three times as hard just to get her mom to like him.

Once they arrived at the mansion, Angel flew into action. A conversation that morning with Willow while Buffy was arguing with her mother and preparing to check out of the hospital proved very informative. She told him about Buffy's fears that Riley would hurt someone she loved, so in answering Xander's dreams, Angel invited him to move to the mansion, giving him Riley's old room. He also asked Willow to stay in the guest room for awhile until everything blew over and hired an armed guard to sit outside Joyce Summers' home in the event that Riley decided to pay her a visit. He met with his boarders and informed them once again that if they let Riley Finn cross over the premises, they would be without a home. Going further, he called a locksmith and had all the mansion's exterior locks changed, as well as the lock to his room and Xander's. Finally, he paid Gunn, Doyle and Spike to help move Willow and Buffy's things to the mansion.

By the time everything was finished, it was early afternoon and Angel asked Dru and Spike to look out for Buffy while he searched the surrounding area once again for her rapist. School was in session, even if everyone was missing it, and someone was bound to see Riley at some point. He only hoped it would be sometime soon.

Once night fell, he decided to give up the search for the evening and check on Buffy. He drove home and found Spike and Buffy looking comfy together on his sofa, watching a movie and sharing a bag of popcorn. He was surprised at the intensity of the jealousy that came over him when he saw them together. Spike was happily married and Buffy was not interested in getting in a new relationship, with him or anyone else. He was sure of it and yet, he couldn't stand the thought of her being with anyone but him.

"No need to get jealous, Poof," Spike said low enough for Buffy not to overhear after he'd crossed the room to leave when he saw his brother was back. "I'm here taking care of your business...again."

"And you're being compensated, so quit your bitching," Angel snapped, "I'll take it from here."

"Alright," Spike muttered, "You're welcome...wanker."

"Thank you," Angel snapped. His step brother might be an asshole and usually was barely trustworthy but something told him he could trust him with Buffy. She didn't shy away from him at all and seemed content to have him around, which was more than he could say for the rest of his household.

Spike cracked a grin as he headed out the door and shut it behind him. No matter what Angel did or said, he knew that he trusted him now, that he wanted him around. What a big glorious leap that was from the previous year. As cheerily as Spike's personality would allow, he headed upstairs to see what Dru was up to.

***

//this is the place inside where all good things die
sometimes i feel like a whore//

That night when it was time to go to bed, Angel was extremely nervous. He didn't want Buffy to be uncomfortable around him, which is why he made sure he remained completely clothed in her presence at all times and didn't touch her unless she initiated it. He showered before bed and came out of the bathroom completely covered. He ran his fingers through his wet hair and went into the bedroom.

"Buffy," he said as he walked in, "I thought if you wanted you could take the bed and I'll sleep on the..."

He tapered off as he saw her standing there next to the bed in the dim light, completely nude, her hair falling around her shoulders. He swept his eyes over her bruised body, which was otherwise perfect. Moving up to her eyes finally, his confusion deepened. She looked terrified and extremely sad.

"Baby, what are you doing?" he asked gently, taking another step into the room so that he could close the door. His standing policy to keep everyone out of his room seemed less than strict these days and he didn't want Spike or Doyle or someone to wander in and see her. "Willow, uh, Willow packed all of your clothes for you. They're here...if you want me to get you something..." he said.

"No," she said, shaking her head slightly and biting her lower lip, "Don't you want to...you know? I mean, it's not like you didn't earn it."

"No," he said, as the realization of what was happening dawned on him, "That's not what I want. I didn't *earn* anything, Buffy."

"But I thought..." she whispered, lowering her voice further until it was a rasp as her eyes filled with tears, "I thought you wanted me and guys...when they...Angel, I don't understand."

"Buffy, let me make something perfectly clear," Angel said, trying to keep his voice from wavering, "I want you, believe me, I do. And I can't wait to make love to you, but we're not going to have sex tonight or any other night until you're healed...until it's what *you* want. I don't need a reward for taking care of you. My reward is being with you, knowing that you're safe."

"But..." she managed before the tears flooded her eyes and spilled onto her cheeks, "I thought..."

"Buffy," he said, crossing the room and pulling his shirt off as he went. He wrapped it around her trembling shoulders before pulling her into his arms, "What he did to you, that isn't what men are like. That isn't what I'm like. It's not about me taking what I want from you, it's about you giving yourself to me."

"You can have me," she muffled against his chest, sobbing uncontrollably.

"No, love," he said, "I can't. Not yet."

When she calmed, he slipped her arms into the shirt and buttoned it up, quickly covering her exposed flesh. He nudged her toward the bed and watched as she climbed under the blankets. She looked up at him expectantly, her eyes and cheeks glistening with her tears.

"Will you s-stay in here with me?"

"Is that what you want?" he answered.

"Yes," she said. She turned on her side and released a deep breath as he held her close to him. "Is it what you want?"

"Yes," he answered, allowing himself the luxury of kissing her hair, "I want to hold you every night for as long as you'll have me."

The silence grew heavy as they laid there and after a few minutes, Angel spoke again. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know," she answered, staring off into the darkness. The only time she ever felt safe was in his arms and yet she felt an invisible pull to give him more, to give him everything, like she thought he would erase what Riley had done. She had been mortified when the hospital informed her that she had to press charges against Riley and even more upset when they suggested she see a counselor. She vetoed the shrink immediately and now Angel was trying to fill that role too.

"We can start slow," he said, keeping his voice low and soothing, "We can start when you first met him. How did you first start dating?"

"Are you going to think less of me?" she asked quietly, "I don't think I can take it if you hate me, Angel."

"Not possible, my love," he answered and then clamped his mouth shut. He hadn't planned for the last part to come out and he waited for her to say something, get angry, but she let it slide by quietly. After a moment he added, "Do you really think I could possibly think less of you? You dislike yourself enough for both of us, baby."

"Not enough," she whispered, "I don't hate myself nearly enough."

"Tell you what," he said, snuggling in and holding her closer against his chest, "I'll hate Riley, which is easy because I already do and we'll just pretend you were a victim of a crime, because you were."

"Last year, I met him," she said finally, glad she didn't have to look into his eyes, "I was a freshman and naive. He was sweet and handsome and a popular upperclassman. So we went on a few dates and I thought he was really good for me."

"And then?" he urged softly, caressing her arm.

"Then..." she said, "I was...he was my first. And after awhile I thought that sex just wasn't fun for girls, you know? He just...he told me that I was supposed to sleep with him whenever he wanted. When I said no the first time, he hit me."

Angel struggled with every fiber of his being not to speak. He didn't trust his own voice because the fury and anguish welling up inside him was overwhelming. He ground his teeth together and waited for her to continue.

"I broke up with him," she said, "I told him it was over that no one treated me like that and then he came back, apologized, promised it would never happen again. I was firm though. There was no way I was going to be what my mother was. I wasn't going to take what she took from my father. He tried everything to get me back for weeks he begged and pleaded and sent me flowers. Eventually, I went back. I don't even know why.

"It was good again, or at least as good as we could be for almost a whole month and then it happened again," she said, "That time, I tried to leave and he wouldn't let me. He told me he'd kill himself if I left him, so I stayed. I didn't know what else to do.

"Each time, it got worse and he started threatening my friends and my family. He told me he'd kill them, kill me and himself before he'd let me go. He started...he started having sex with me whenever he wanted, when I wasn't...ready and he made me...do other things that I didn't want to do."

"What was different this last time?" he asked, after a long pause.

"I...I fell in love with you," she said, her voice thick with tears, "And I tried not to and I tried to hide it but I couldn't and he saw right through me. He accused me of cheating on him with you and that was before we had even kissed. That's why he moved in here to begin with, that's why I was so angry with you for letting him in. He said if I broke up with him, he'd kill you in your sleep and I knew he meant it. He meant it.

"He can't hurt me, baby," he whispered, "He can't even get in here."

"He can," she whimpered, shuddering in his arms. Taking a moment to calm down, she continued, "I was trying to forget you, trying to stay away, but I started having these dreams. You were in them and you loved me...you were...making love to me and it wasn't like Riley. It wasn't like anything else. That night, I was sleeping here at the mansion in Riley's room and I had a dream about you. And I said your name in my sleep, I guess, cause when I woke up..."

"It's alright," Angel whispered, turning her over in his arms as she cried, her whole body racking with sobs, "You're safe. We all are. He can't hurt anyone you love now, Buffy. I promise."

"What he did to me that night," Buffy said, after she had calmed down. She grabbed his face with both hands and looked directly in his eyes, trying to see him in the dark room. "He said he'd kill you and he wants to. You have to stop looking for him, Angel."

"No," Angel answered firmly, "He has to-"

"Promise me, you'll stop looking for him," Buffy said, interrupting him and raising her voice, "Promise me! I can't stand it if I lose anyone."

"Buffy..."

"PROMISE!"

"I...dammit...I promise," he grumbled, pulling her into his arms, "I promise."

***

Part Six

***

//i have sinned the sin of wanting more//

When Buffy woke up in the late morning, she found Angel holding her closely against him, sleeping with his brow furrowed, as if he worried even in his sleep. Her stomach growled angrily and she realized that she had hardly eaten in the last few days. The little bit of popcorn she had shared with Spike last night was hardly a substantial meal. Scooting to the edge of the bed, she looked down on him, taking the opportunity to gaze on his bare chest and abdomen. She had never seen him without a shirt before and it made her temperature rise several notches. She smiled, knowing that he hadn't meant for her to see it at all.

Greedily, she raked over his tight, muscular abdomen, broad shoulders, and copper nipples that made her mouth water. Carefully, she reached out and touched his belly, moving slightly with his breaths, and traced up to his chest. She never really thought of a man as beautiful before, but Liam Angelus was certainly that and a whole lot more. She giggled when he reached out in his sleep and pulled her close to him, unknowingly caressing dangerously close to her breasts. Leaning down, she kissed him lightly and pulled away quickly before he woke.

She hopped from bed and reality hit her as her wounds made themselves apparent once more. Grimacing, she limped toward the door and stopped to look back at Angel again. His worried _expression had faded and his lips were almost in a half smile. God, how she wished she had just skipped over Riley completely, that Angel had found her first.

Buffy's intentions were to take a quick shower, but her numerous stinging scrapes and cuts caused the cleaning process to lengthen. It was then that she realized that she hadn't showered since...since Riley and she nearly sobbed with embarrassment. How could she have offered herself to Angel used and tainted like that? He deserved so much more than that, so much more than her. How could he want her when she was so thoroughly broken?

*Damaged goods.* That's what Riley had called her and he was right. Slipping to her knees, she wept for the hundredth time that week, cursing her existence and her stupidity. If only she had been braver, if she had been smarter, she could have saved everyone the pain they were going through.

The water was cooling when she rose to her feet and stood on shaking legs. She unhooked her shower puff from rack and sniffled gratefully. She wasn't sure if it was Angel or Willow who had brought all her things into the bathroom but her shampoo, conditioner and soap were all present as well. If she closed her eyes really tightly and thought really hard, she could almost pretend that she was Angel's, that he loved her, that she belonged there.

***

//i don't wanna be your good time
i don't wanna be your fallback crutch anymore//

When Buffy finally finished her shower, she wrapped a towel around her and planned to search for clothes. In the living room, boxes containing her things were surrounding Angel's expensive furniture. The idea of rooting through those to find something to wear while she was wrapped in a towel before she got to eat something was not the best option, so she tiptoed back to Angel's bedroom. He still slept, breathing deeply. One of his sweaters was draped over a chair near the window and she picked it up, inhaling it before slipping it on. Surrounded by the smell of him in a black sweater falling to her knees like an oversized dress made her feel safe and loved. Managing a small smile, she headed into his kitchenette and scrounged for food. Unfortunately, Angel was a bachelor in every sense, including his refrigerator, which consisted of expired milk, mustard, a single beer and one slice of cheese.

Wrinkling her nose in disgust, she wandered out of his apartment and downstairs to see if there was more food in the big kitchen. She vaguely remembered Xander ranting about how Angel hired someone to grocery shop or something. Either they did an awful job or all the food was downstairs.

She snuck quietly past the men that lived there, hoping no one would notice her. She suddenly felt inappropriately nude in nothing but Angel's sweater, although it was more clothing than she wore on hotter days. The trip, however, was worth it because the kitchen was a wonderland of yum, with more food than she could have possibly dreamt of. In fact, there was so much that she couldn't decide what to eat. She was getting ready to make a bowl of cereal when Spike strolled in the kitchen and grinned at her.

"Hey there, pet," he said, "I was just going to make Dru an omelette. You want one too?"

"You can cook?" Buffy asked skeptically.

"I'll have you know," he said, pulling out a frying pan from the cabinet and shuffling around to get supplies, "That my wife would have married me for my eggs, if she hadn't already fallen in love with my good looks."

Buffy laughed outright and watched him as he cooked, moving around the kitchen comfortably, well aware his surroundings. He talked and quipped, keeping her in giggles as he made the food. Several minutes into the omelette preparation, Dru came in. Buffy thought she floated, rather than walked. Something in the way she moved made her look like the air parted for her, like the elements were left delighted and confused in her wake.

"Spike," Dru said, caressing his shoulder as he cooked, "I'm starving. How are you, Buffy?"

"Starving," Buffy answered with a smile, "Spike's making me breakfast too."

"Flirt," Dru said, chastising him before sliding into the chair beside Buffy, "He shows off, you know. Thinks he's the king of the kitchen."

"King of the bedroom," Spike said with a wink, "but a bloke's gotta keep his woman fed."

Yelling from the other side of the house, sent all three of them rushing toward the great room seconds later. Buffy froze in fear as she saw Gunn blocking the door, trying to keep an enraged Riley Finn from entering. Spike grabbed Buffy's hand and Dru took the other, framing her on either side protectively.

"Sod off," Spike sneered, "You're not welcome here."

"Buffy!" Riley shouted. Although Spike's intentions were good, he brought attention to the little blonde holding his hand and Riley forcefully took a step forward, only to be pushed back roughly by Gunn.

"You're not coming through this door, man," Gunn said, "And you need to get out of my face before things get ugly." "Don't matter what she's doing here," Gunn said, "This is about you leaving."

A movement behind her made Buffy peek over her shoulder and at least eight of the mansion's tenants were standing behind her, all looking defiantly angry. A tall, lanky guy, who she thought was named Scott, spoke up loudly. "Sorry, Ri. I don't know what happened between you and Buffy and it's not our business, but you take a step into this house and we all make it ours."

"Fuck you, Scott," Riley shouted, "You think I'm afraid of you? Buffy belongs to me!"

"And if she walks out there to be with you, then that's up to her, but while she's in this house, she belongs to us," Scott answered forcefully.

"Friendly warning, mate," Spike said, squeezing Buffy's hand, "Angel's looking for you. If he finds you here, you're a dead man."

"Buffy," Riley said, softening his tone and changing tactics, "Come out here, baby. We can work this out. You know once Angel finds out how you really are, he's going to leave you. Come back to me and we'll take care of this mess."

"Please leave," she said softly, "I don't want any trouble, just go before Angel finds you here."

"Buffy..." Riley pleaded, "Just give me five minutes to talk to you."

"She said no," Gunn said in a low voice, "But we all know you don't understand that word, so let me try rephrasing - Get the fuck out of here."

"They won't always be around to protect you, bitch," Riley sneered.

***

//i think i lost my smile
i think you lost yours too//

Angel woke to find Buffy missing and rose sleepily, trying not to jump to immediate alarm as he searched his little inner sanctum for her. She wasn't anywhere to be found. Becoming more worried, he left his room without bothering to throw on a shirt and walked through the mansion. He had planned to stop by Willow's, then Xander's and finally Spike's before panicking, but he didn't even make it to Willow's room before heard yelling downstairs. He ran down the hallway and took the stairs two at time only to find a bunch of the guys standing around Spike and Dru who were trying to comfort a frozen Buffy.

"Buffy," Angel said and before he could even ask what was wrong she started speaking, "Nothing happened. Nothing happened, Angel."

Helplessly, he looked from her to the faces around the room and back again. He reached out and tipped her chin up, waiting for her to meet his eyes.

"Something must have happened," he said softly. Lower lip trembling, she moved into his arms and held him tightly, pressing her face against his bare chest.

"Finn," Spike said after long moments, "Wanker tried to get in for her."

Tensing up, Angel began unwinding Buffy from his embrace, fully intending on going after him, but Buffy wouldn't let him go. Switching from frozen and afraid to hysterical, she babbled, "No, Angel. You can't. You promised."

Bewildered, he just stared at her for a moment as she clutched his arms, digging her fingernails into his skin as she begged. Tears fell freely down her cheeks as she held him tightly, unwilling to let him go.

"Buffy," he said gently, "I just want to see if he's still on the property."

"Gunn c-called the p-police," Buffy stammered, "He's gone. You promised. You promised me."

"Okay," he whispered, scooping her up in his arms, "I won't go. Just calm down, love. Everything's okay."

The group watched as Angel carried her back upstairs, all mirroring the same confusion, all trying to figure out who exactly Buffy was protecting.

***

//time stops when whispers blare
the voices drop hard, but the eyes still stare
the world dissolves into death's head grin//

Once Buffy had finally gotten to eat her breakfast, which Spike had delivered for her, and she was fast asleep, Angel slipped on a shirt and headed downstairs to find out what had happened. A few of the guys were still around, although some of them had gone to class. The four still hanging around, along with Spike, who had to be dragged from his wife, relayed the story of what had happened in a bit more detail than Angel would have liked.

After a few moments of thoughtful silence, Spike asked, "What exactly did you promise the chit, Peaches? Is she really that worried you're going to hurt the boy?"

"Strangely enough," Angel said, "She thinks he's going to hurt me. She made me promise not to go out looking for him."

"You can't..." Spike said with a sly grin.

"But you can," Angel said, smiling just as broadly and then quirked an eyebrow at his brother, "What's this going to cost me?"

"Consider the danger involved as well as the time spent away from Dru," Spike said, rubbing his stomach happily at the possibilities, "I think it's going to cost you...double."

"Done," Angel said, with a curt nod of his head, looking around at Gunn and the three remaining guys in the room, he lowered his voice, "Spread the word. Anyone willing to give up their time and energy to keep an eye out for Finn, as well as make sure Buffy is safe when I'm not with her both inside the mansion and out, will have free rent until this is taken care of."

"No shit?" One of them asked, confounded by the offer, "Just like that?"

"Yeah, just like that," Angel said, rising to his feet.

"Angel," Gunn said, shaking his head in mock sadness, "We didn't think we'd lose you to a girl like this. I think you're beyond saving now."

"You have no idea," Angel said, before turning and leaving the room. They watched in silence as he mounted the stairs to where Buffy slept.

"Wonder if he's ever gonna go to class again," Scott mused once Angel was out of sight.

"Not until Buffy does," Gunn answered.

"Think he's really in love with her?" Scott asked, "I mean, she's beautiful and all, but...I don't get it."

"Can't see how you would," Spike said, following the path his brother took toward the stairs, "When the right girl has you, there's nothing you won't do for her."

"Awww," Gunn said, chuckling, "Isn't it cute how Spike personifies money like that?"

***

//i'm so eager to please
yeah, i like it when you talk to me
it feels so good inside your shadow
it's the place i need to be//

Angel went back upstairs and found Buffy curled up in his chair, waiting for him in silence. Angel sat down on the couch and looked over at her, waiting for her to speak. She stood and crossed the room and climbed onto his lap, sighing when he wrapped his arms around her.

"I've been thinking," Buffy said keeping her cheek against his chest so she wouldn't have to meet his eyes.

"What about?" he asked lightly, smoothing his hand over her back.

"What I did last night...I shouldn't have done that," she said, "Riley said something today and I hadn't even thought about it until he said it."

"What did he say, love?" he asked.

"He said you'd find out about me," she said, "I don't want that...I think I'm going to move back to the dorms. This isn't fair to you."

"Buffy, I'm confused," he said, moving her so he could look at her face, "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing," she said, standing up and moving to her boxes nervously, "Never mind."

Angel watched her root around in them looking for clothes for a minute or two before he stood and crossed over to her. Scooping her up in his arms, he took her into the bedroom and sat her down on the bed. He lowered himself to his knees before her and let his hands rest lightly on her hips.

"Buffy, I love you," he said, "I am completely, madly, head over heels, can't think straight, insanely in love with you. Do you understand that?"

"No," she answered honestly, shaking her head, her eyes bright with tears, "I'm not good enough-"

"You're not good enough?" he asked incredulously, "Buffy, you are perfect. You are wonderful and sweet and everything I've ever wanted. I am not good enough for you! I'm an asshole, I'm selfish and I've never done anything to make anyone's life better before I met you."

"You rent out your mansion to all these guys for really cheap," Buffy argued.

"Because I didn't want to live in this big house alone," he said, "I did that for me, not for them. I wanted people around to party with, that's all."

"Still," she said, "You deserve better than me. I'm not worth all this, Angel. I promise I'm not and later, when you realize the truth about me you'll regret saying all these things."

"I will *never* regret loving you," he said sternly, "Whatever Riley said you are, whatever you think of yourself, I can almost guarantee you that it's not true."

"You don't know!" Buffy protested, "You don't know anything about me, Angel! I'm weak and I'm needy! I'm horrible in bed and I can't even protect the people around me."

Groaning, he dropped his head for a second and looked back up at her, "Here's what we need to do: Everything that jackass said to you, everything he told you that you were and you weren't is not true. First of all, you aren't weak! You've done nothing but take the brunt of that jerk's abuse to protect the people you loved and him of all people! And horrible in bed? Jesus, Buffy, you're taking the opinion of a rapist who never took the time to make love to you! How does that make sense?"

"I don't know," she said, "It just does."

"No, it doesn't," he said, "It makes no sense and if I have to spend the rest of my life making you believe it, I will. I love you."

Leaning forward, he kissed her gently. Urged on by her little moan, he kissed her more deeply pressing his tongue into her warm mouth and threading his fingers through her hair. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, sucking his tongue into her mouth. When he pulled away, forcing himself to pace their physical interaction, she was panting for air.

"God, how do you do that?" she said hoarsely.

"Practice," he said, with a wink, his eyes twinkling with mischief and desire as he moved toward her lips again, for just one more taste.

***

TBC…

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