Xander and Willow were working hard to come up with a plan to get Spike and Buffy together and they thought that they had come up with a good one. Willow would leave a note for Spike, telling him to meet her. Xander would do the same for Buffy. Buffy and Spike would meet, talk, and hopefully get together.
Operative word: hopefully. After all, the plan wasn’t foolproof.
“I don’t know if this is going to work, Will,” Xander commented as he watched Willow put Spike’s note on his bed. “I mean, they’re not dumb. They’re gonna know that it’s a setup. It’s not gonna work.”
“It has to, Xander, or Buffy is going to be miserable.” Her best friend nodded. “I mean, think about it. What has Buffy wanted during the past year? For Spike to come back. What does she do when it happens? She pushes him away. This is Buffy logic we’re talking about Xander. I think it could work.”
“So are you totally okay with the whole…Buffy and Spike thing? I mean, if there ever is gonna be a thing?”
“Yeah, I’m okay with it. I like Spike, Xander. He’s helped us out a lot and I think that we have to recognize that. Spike worked hard to become a better man, not just because he loved Buffy, but because he generally wanted to do good. I find that very admirable.”
“Yeah,” Xander agreed. “I hate to say it, but the guy has kind of grown on me too. Still not crazy on the whole idea of them together especially after his attempted rape, but if it’ll make Buffy happy, then I’m for it.”
“Good.” Willow said. “Now let’s hope this works.”
“Okay, I guess you know what you’re doing.” After the notes were placed, Xander and Willow left the fate of Buffy and Spike’s relationship up to God, Fate and the Powers that Be.
****************
(Later that day)
Spike had no idea where he was going. All he knew was that Willow wanted to meet him at some little beach side restaurant. Spike sighed. He was being set up. He knew it. But still, he headed to the restaurant anyway. Spike was glad that he had chosen to wear a white tee shirt and khakis as opposed to anything black. The day was a scorcher.
The sea side restaurant was quaint and well kept. The front was covered in white washed siding, which was kept very clean. They had decorative lights all around the building, which were just starting to come on. There was a patio area where you could eat under the stars, a bonfire area for beach parties and an outdoor dance floor.
It was dusk when Spike pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant. Spike cursed under his breath when he saw Buffy sitting on a bench in front of the restaurant.
“We’ve been set up haven’t we, love?” Spike commented as he came up to where she was sitting. Buffy, who was dressed in a yellow sun dress and matching yellow flip-flops, had her hair up in two folded under pigtails. She was pouting as she thrust a card at him. Spike sighed and read the card.
Spike,
Xander and I have decided that in order for Buffy to be happy, she needs to be with you. This was the only way we could think to get you two to sit down and talk. I have all the Faith in the world that you are the best thing for Buffy, Spike. I just hope that she realizes that soon. Please don’t be mad at me or Xander.
Willow
Spike looked up from the note. Buffy’s friends were behind him. Who would have thought that? Buffy was staring off into the distance. Anger was evident in her beautiful face, her eyes were squinted and her arms were crossed over her chest. He sat down next to her on the bench.
“Buffy?” She looked at him, and it was then that he noticed her sparkling pink lip gloss and shiny gold eye shadow. She looked absolutely stunning, but his slayer did not look happy. “Want to go get something to eat?”
“Sure,” Buffy replied, and got up. Spike followed her into the restaurant, where she requested a table out on the patio. They were seated, ordered food, and sat in silence. Buffy refused to look at him, seething silently at her supposed friends. Spike had to admit that it wasn’t the most original plan, but he had to give her friends kudos for their efforts.
“I’m going to kill them,” Buffy muttered, while gazing up at the now darkened sky. Spike sighed.
“Buffy, they’re only trying to help,” Spike commented. Buffy shot him a dirty look.
“How, Spike? By sticking their noses where they don’t belong? It’s my life and they have no right to be interfering in the affairs of my love life, or lack thereof. What they really can do to help me is keep out of my business. If they were my friends, they would just mind their own business. Friends aren’t supposed to do this.”
“They’re your friends, Buffy, and they want to see you happy.” The waiter brought their food, and they ate before Buffy replied.
“And why is everyone so sure that I’ll be happy with you?” Buffy asked snidely. “Why would I be happy with the former William the Bloody?” Spike was crushed.
“I dunno, luv. I ask myself the same question everyday.” Buffy looked away. “They must know something that I don’t.”
“All we ever did was hurt each other,” Buffy said, picking at the remains of her salad. “We were only honest with each other the year that you died.” Spike was suddenly very angry. He was angry at Buffy and he was angry at himself. He paid the bill and dragged Buffy out onto the beach, far enough away from the crowd to have a private argument with her.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“The only reason we weren’t honest with each other before the year I died was because you didn’t want to be honest. From the very first moment I realized I was in love with you, I was completely honest about it. You know what you did? You deinvited me from your home. Do you remember what you did when I called you my girl? You beat the hell out of me, mercilessly. I came right back to you. I told you that I loved you, that I wanted to be with you. I was always honest about how I felt, Buffy, and you weren’t. That’s all on you.”
“Because you were evil!” Buffy shouted. “Hello! You were a vampire. You were evil, you were dirty, and you didn’t have a soul. I’m a slayer, Spike. Know the meaning of the word? I am supposed to KILL you! And vice versa. You’re supposed to kill me. But what did you do? You fell in love with me. I wasn’t honest because at the time I had no feeling for you other than loathing. Oh wait, I was honest about how much I hated you.”
“So that’s how it’s going to be?” Spike half shouted back. “I tried for years, Buffy, to be the kind of man that you wanted. I wanted to give you everything you deserved, but you wouldn’t let me. I turned my back on my very nature in order to prove that I love you and it’s still not good enough! I even saved the world! Died for it none the less. Even that’s not good enough. That’s why I don’t really feel that you love me. I think you only said you loved me was because you knew that I was going to die. You can’t love me and be acting this way.” Buffy was stung, but had no reply to his speech.
“You and I would never work, Spike,” Buffy said softly, after a moment’s silence. “You know it. Former vampire and slayer would never make it. All we’ve ever done is hurt each other. You and I would just never work.”
“Because you’ll never give us the chance,” Spike retorted. “I’ve done everything, Buffy. I turned my back on everything that’s in my character, my inner demon. I went and got a soul for you. I’ve fought for the side of good. I saved the world. I even died. I came back human. There’s nothing left for me to do. There’s nothing left for me to prove to you.” A light rain started to fall, but Buffy and Spike were oblivious to it and so were the couples dancing on the outdoor dance floor.
I always told you
You were the only one in my life
I always hoped you'd
You'd be that special love here by my side
I know you're wonderin' if I'm really feeling you
Well, baby I do
“Buffy, come on,” Spike pleaded. Buffy glanced away, not able to meet the passionate blue eyes that held so much love for her. If she did, she didn’t trust herself not just jump into his arms and give him everything she had. Would that be so bad? Either way, the man standing in front of her was pleading for her to give them a chance, and the only thing she could do was look away.
How will you know if I love you for life?
How will you know?
Girl, you will know when you look in my eyes
Just look in my eyes, baby
(I could never hurt you) Oh no
(I would never break your heart) I'd never break your heart
And I'll love you till the day that I die
Gonna love you for life
(Love you for life)
“I’m sorry Spike,” Buffy said. That’s pretty much all that she could say. Buffy couldn’t tell him that she loved him. That would require that little glass box around her heart to come down and that left her vulnerable to hurt. That was something she could not do. She kissed him on the cheek.
I want to tell you
You are my everything
you complete me (you complete me, baby)
Girl, I want to tell you that I don't need anything
When you're loving me
So, girl, don't worry, cuz I'm really feeling you
Nobody but you
He could only stand there in shock, unable to convince the woman he loved that they were meant to be together. She pushed strands of wet blond hair out of her face, refusing to look at him. Spike grabbed her shoulders and tried to force her to look at him. She wrenched her shoulders out of his grip.
Oh, girl, it's coming from the bottom of my heart
I'm feeling you with all of my soul
And it's like something I ain't never felt before
I love you more than you know (more than you know)
Oooh, gonna love you for life, oooh, love you for life
And then she was gone.
*****************
(Two weeks later)
Buffy’s friends were avoiding her. They had good reason to. It had been two weeks since she had seen Spike and she was miserable. Buffy was moody, snappy, and just plain rude. In effect, she was no picnic to be around.
Xander and Willow were saddened by the fact that their plan had failed. If anything, Buffy and Spike were driven even farther apart. They avoided each other at the hotel, Spike stayed out late at night; Buffy patrolled everyday, and hardly left her room otherwise.
The Hyperion Hotel was not a happy place.
No one could understand why Buffy would not just give in to Spike. He had, on dozens of occasions, proven that he loved her and would not leave. She finally had the man that wouldn’t be driven away by her strength or self involvement. Spike had done everything. There was nothing more the poor man could do.
It made the situation that much more painful.
Willow was in the kitchen, eating some strawberries when Spike came down. Poor Spike, Willow thought. He looked like hell.
“Hey Spike.” Willow said, before popping a slice of strawberry in her mouth. Spike sat down at the breakfast bar. He didn’t reach for a slice of strawberry; he laid his head down on the bar.
“’Ello, Red,” Spike replied, his voice muffled. Willow grabbed her bowl of strawberries and sat down next to Spike. The man hardly noticed.
“How are you?” Spike laughed, rather bitterly in Willow’s opinion. “Okay, maybe that wasn’t the best question to ask you. And I think I already know the answer.”
“I’ve been better, pet. Much better.” Willow nodded, sadness etching her delicate features. “Buffy’s stubborn, and the only that’s gonna change her mind is her. Nobody else can change it for her.”
“I’m sorry, Spike. Xander and I tried--” Spike held his hand up to stop her from speaking.
“I know, Red. I ‘appreciate it. But it didn’t work.” He looked away. “Nothing will.” The note of total defeat in Spike’s voice and posture alarmed Willow.
“She’ll come around, Spike.”
“Like hell, she will.” Spike retorted, angry at Buffy and angry at the world. “If you know anything about her, you know that she is just too damn stubborn. It’s hopeless.”
“I know, Spike. And I know how frustrated you are, but--”
“I am more than bloody frustrated!” Spike interrupted, half yelling at her. “I am tired, I’m heartbroken, and I am so emotionally exhausted that I don’t give a flying rat’s arse what happens now. I can’t make her see that I love her and would do anything for her. I can’t make her see that she loves me. Hell, I don’t really think she really does love me. There is nothing that I can do. I give up.” His voice cracked then, and tears started slipping down his cheeks.
And the former vampire sobbed.
Willow could offer no comfort to the destroyed man next to her. She knew Buffy, and he knew Buffy, and both knew that it would take a lot for her to realize what she was going to lose. After a few minutes, Spike regained his composure.
“Sorry ‘bout that, Red,” Spike said. Willow shrugged her shoulders.
“No problem.” She paused for a moment. “You really love her, don’t you?”
“More than anything,” Spike replied, with more honesty than Willow had ever heard in his voice. Then he got up and left the lobby. Willow had just gotten back to her strawberries when, to her surprise, Buffy actually came out of her room. Strawberries forgotten, Willow walked over to Buffy.
Her best friend looked like hell frozen over. Three times. Buffy’s hair was in a haphazard ponytail, and she was wearing a worn pair of denim capris, a baggy tee-shirt, and tennis shoes.
“Hey, Will,” Buffy said with forced cheerfulness. “What’s up?” She grabbed a strawberry slice and feigned nonchalance. Willow sighed, not bothering to hide it.
“Buffy, come sit down.” Both friends sat down on the round padded bench that sat in the middle of the lobby. “I think we need to talk. Really, really need to talk. ”
“It’s none of your business, Willow,” Buffy said, sitting down anyway. “I love you to death, but what goes on between Spike and I is none of your business. I don’t care if you think that he’s the best guy in the freakin’ world, it’s still none of your business.”
“I think you’re making a big mistake,” Willow started.
“God, why is everyone so sure that Spike and I would be good together? Hello! He’s a former vampire.”
“Observance, Buffy. And keyword former. We’ve all seen the way you two act around each other. You’re two people in love, only you refuse to let him in. If you ask me, I think it’s probably the dumbest thing that you have ever done.”
“I don’t want him to leave,” Buffy said in a choked whisper. “I know that you probably don’t understand it, but I just don’t want him to leave.”
“What makes you think he will?” Willow asked gently. “Spike has made it perfectly clear that he’s not leaving you. You couldn’t get rid of him even if you wanted to.”
“Every guy I love has left me. Why would he be any different?” She looked away. “Is something wrong with me, Willow? Why won’t anyone stay?”
“Because they don’t know you, Buffy. I mean the real you. Yeah, Angel knew you, but he left for your own good. He left because he knew that you two had no future with one another. Let’s not even start on Parker. Riley left because he had issues with your strength. With him, it was all about ego. You had to hold back on who you really were. That, and you wouldn’t let him fully in after being hurt by Angel. With Spike, you have always been able to just be yourself. Just Buffy.” Buffy had started crying. “I don’t know why you won’t just let him in.”
“I just can’t, Will.” Buffy said, so softly Willow almost couldn’t hear her. “It would just--”
“Are you going to spend the rest of your life being afraid?” Willow interrupted. “It’s time to face the facts, Buffy. Spike understands you. He’s fought with you, beside you, and for you. He’s not going to leave. Even if you never let him in, Spike is still going to be around. He could be the one for you. Are you ready to face the possibility of an emotionally messy, no holds barred, yet completely perfect love? Or are you going to end up alone?”
Willow left her best friend there, crying, with that question weighing heavily on her mind.
*******************
She cried for hours. Cried until she was sure that there were no more tears, and then they still came. Because every bad thing she had ever said to Spike was just flashing through her mind. How she had denied her feelings for him.
How she couldn’t keep denying them.
After Buffy had finished crying, a good couple of hours later, she had come to a decision. She couldn’t end up alone.
Spike had done everything to be the kind of man she wanted him to be. And he was. Spike had become an amazing man. Someone who would do anything for her, loves her unconditionally, and always be there for her.
Spike was everything she had been waiting for.
Not wanting to waste another moment, Buffy made her way up to Spike’s room. But the room was void of the former vampire and a note was on the bed. As she read the note, her heart broke a little more.
He was gone.
The note gave no indication as to whether he would be back and it didn’t say why he had left. Buffy sat down on his bed, a horrible ache in her chest. She had really done it, pushed him away so that he felt that he had to leave. And he was really gone. Xander walked by, doubled back and came into Spike’s room.
“Hey, Buff,” Xander said, sitting down next to her on the bed. “What’s up?” He could tell that she was sad, and that something was wrong. Buffy gestured to Spike’s empty room.
“Spike’s gone.” Xander picked up the note and quickly scanned it.
“I see,” was all he said. When Buffy gaped at him, he finished with, “What did you expect, Buffy?”
“I don’t know!” Buffy shouted as Xander recoiled. “I don’t know anything anymore. I wanted to be with him. I love him…so much. He’s all I think about, dream about, and want. He was everything that I needed to have…to finally be able to live again. And now he’s gone.”
“I’m sorry, Buffy. I really am. You know that I wasn’t a big Spike fan, but he really has changed. I’ve seen it happen, right before my eyes. One day he’s this evil blood sucker, then he’s helpless, then he’s in love with you, and then all of a sudden, he’s actually changed into an amazing guy. Even I can attest to that, and I really think you two would be good together. Great even.” Buffy nodded.
“I know,” Buffy said. “I’ve known all along.”
It was there that Buffy realized just how much she loved Spike, just how amazing he was, just how much he belonged in life, just how much her life sucked without him there, just how badly she wanted him and just how much she really needed him there with her.
And it may have come too late.
********************
Spike sighed when he entered the new LA branch of Wolfram & Hart. There were people everywhere, hustling and bustling to get their assigned tasks down. Everyone greeted him as Mr. Spike. Giles, as Spike had requested, met him just inside the doors.
“Did you do what I asked?” Giles nodded.
“The documents you requested are waiting upstairs for you to look over. They’ll change anything that doesn’t suit you. I must admit, it took quite a bit to forge the documents you requested, but then again, you are under special circumstances.”
“Thank you, Giles.” Spike turned to leave but Giles stopped him.
“What are you planning to do with these documents?” Spike sighed again, but told Giles his intentions. Giles’ eyes went wide. “Are you sure? I mean, completely sure that it’s going to work?”
“Of course I’m sure. That’s what these bloody papers are for. It’s the only thing left to do.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I’m not looking for your approval.”
“Well, you have it, for what it’s worth.” Spike looked at him in surprise. “I know that must come as a shock, especially after the debacle with Wood. I really do approve of what you’re about to do.”
“’S good to know.”
When he arrived at the Files floor, Lilah Morgan (or rather her corpse) met him at the door and showed him to an office.
“Hello Mr. Spike.” A man dressed in a blue suit greeted him. “Please sit down.”
When he was seated, Spike was presented with his papers. Adam, as his nametag indicated, gave him all the papers he would need.
“After pulling a few strings, I managed to secure the name you requested. I assume that was the name you had previous to becoming a vampire. You’re registered as William Masterson, a twenty two year old born in Wales. Here in this envelope is a birth certificate, social security number, driver’s license, and various other documents including the specific one you requested. If everything is satisfactory, you may leave.”
Once he was sure he had all his information, Spike left Wolfram & Hart. He made one last trip before heading back to the hotel he was calling home. His plan, unlike Xander and Willow’s, had every reason to fail. But he was hoping against it.
Hopefully, his plan would work.
****************
Again, Buffy was miserable. Spike hadn’t been around for days, her friends were looking at her with pity, Angel had some self satisfied smirk on his face, and all Buffy wanted to do was stay in her room.
That was pretty much all she could do. Buffy had the love of the one man who had loved her and stuck around and all she could do was push it away. Buffy was miserable and hated the way her friends were looking at her. She really wanted to wipe Angel’s smirk off of his face. She knew that Angel wanted her to be happy, as long as it wasn’t with Spike.
Willow had actually seen Spike since he had left, but had refrained from telling Buffy. Especially after she heard about his plan.
Willow was all for it, but she wasn’t quite sure if Buffy was ready or would be up to it. The only thing that Willow was sure of was that Buffy missed Spike. A lot. Maybe that would have some bearing as to whether or not she agreed to this…plan.
“I wonder what he’s doing,” Buffy said, staring mournfully into the distance. Against her better judgment, Willow decided to tell Buffy where Spike was staying.
“You really miss him, don’t you?” Willow asked. Buffy gave her a look that clearly said, ‘Duh.’ “I know where he’s staying.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Buffy demanded. “Willow, I swear--”
“Because he didn’t want me to,” Willow said, calmly. “He’s staying at the Motel 6 on Hayward under the name William Masterson.” As Buffy darted out of the hotel, Willow smiled.
I hope his plan works.
***************
Spike had anticipated that someone would tell Buffy where he was staying and was not surprised when he heard a knock at the door. However, he didn’t expect to find a soaking wet Buffy standing in front of his door.
“Buffy,” He said the shivering young woman. “Come in.” Dripping with water, she came in and sat down on his bed.
“Willow told me where you were staying,” Buffy said, wringing out her long blond hair with the towel he handed her. “I almost had to beat it out of her, but she told me.”
“I see,” Spike started. “I--”
“No, let me.” Spike wisely shut his mouth. “I’ve done a lot of thinking. Tons of it, actually.”
“And?”
“I love you. I really did mean it when I told you down there. I know you didn’t think I did, but I really did mean it. I didn’t just say it just because I knew you were going to die. The truth is that I’ve loved you forever. Even when you were evil, before the chip and afterward. Every time that you told me that I loved you, I didn’t want to admit it. But you’ve proven to me time and time again that you love me. The least that I can do is return the favor. I love you because you’ve seen the best and worst of me and you love me just the same. So I want to be with you, and have a future. I don’t want to let you go.”
“Say it again,” Spike said, so soft Buffy almost didn’t hear him. She looked at him.
“Say what?”
“Tell me that you love me.” Buffy grinned widely, before telling him exactly that.
“I love you, I love you, and I love you.” And then they kissed.
Both of them had been waiting for this moment, when they could fully admit their love for each other, when it wasn’t about fighting or harsh words. It was about tenderness, and an unexpected love.
“I thought you had gone away,” Buffy said after they had pulled apart.
“I had some business to take care of,” Spike replied. “To tell you the truth luv, I had gone away. I had just about all that I could take. There’s only so much pushing you can do, Buffy, unconscious or otherwise before you finally succeed.”
“I am so sorry, Spike.”
“Hey,” Spike said. “No more talk about the past. No more ‘I’m sorry’ or anything of that.”
“I agree,” Buffy said, moving in for another kiss. He sidestepped her and she ended up kissing air. “Hey!”
“Buffy, will you marry me?”
“HUH?” Spike chuckled. “Did you…”
“I said, will you marry me, luv?”
“That’s what I thought you said,” Buffy replied, swallowing hard. “But how? I mean, you were-”
“Dead? I’ve got some papers that prove otherwise.” Off Buffy’s confused look, he said, “That’s why I went away, Buffy. I had some people forge some papers, the necessary ones. I have everything I need to be considered alive. Plus I got this.” He pulled out a small box.
Inside was a beautiful two carat princess cut diamond ring, resting on a slim gold band. Buffy’s eyes grew wide. This was everything that she had been waiting for. As the slayer she had never envisioned the day that she would be asked to marry someone. Hell, she hadn’t expected to live to be this age. And yet, here was Spike, asking her to marry him.
“Yes.” Was simply all she said and he slid that amazing ring on her finger. She didn’t need to say anything more. He knew that she loved him, that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.
Suddenly, everything was complete. They were two slayers, in love, destined to save the world…together. Buffy wasn’t alone. She had someone who would always watch her back, who would keep her alive, and happy.
Everything was perfect.
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