During the revelations dusk had turned to darkness, the drapes had not been drawn and the hoary moonlight illuminated the room and its two occupants. The oration ceased. A branch creaked as it rubbed against the barn roof, fruit bats squeaked as they fluttered on the wing over the stable yard, a barn owl screeched as its talons drawn made its final dive of death at a doomed mouse and in the far distance a lonetimber wolf howled to the moon but neither stepmother nor stepson heard for too engrossed were they in their own moment in time.

Victoria was not ready to talk to Heath yet. She was not sure what to say. She needed to get her thoughts in order but her mind was reeling from what she had heard. Earlier when she had asked Heath to help her understand what he had been through while a prisoner she was not prepared for the enormity of his disclosures. True to her word she had with great difficulty remained strong and had stoically listened to every word. There had been times when she felt overwhelmed and ready to breakdown but she had not. She had stayed with her stepson and his telling to the bitter end.

She reflected now at a time while he spoke when she had wanted to take him in her arms and embrace him and kiss him and make everything better but now she recoiled from doing so. It seemed such a futile gesture. He needed more than that. She didn’t know if she had enough to give. The magnitude of what she had heard overpowered her reasoning. For once in her life this petite yet formidable woman felt inadequate. The weakness she felt earlier now took over and without looking longer at Heath she quietly stood and walked over to the window.

As Heath had done earlier she looked out across the valley as a means to discharge the array of feelings, which had been warring inside her. Sorrow, regret, remorse, anguish, disgust, revulsion and hurt all vied for attention but only one encompassing all won out. Not hate but anger alone epitomized the feelings inside the Barkley matriarch.

Anger at a husband who had out of desire and need created a child and out of ignorance had left him to an existence of abject misery and cruelty, humiliation and shame, degradation and deprivation.

Anger at a mother whose selfish love had kept the child secret from a father who might have given his son salvation.

Anger at herself for not understanding and being sympathetic when she had been given the opportunity and had turned her back on the child when his need for her was great.

Anger at a houseguest who was the ex commander of Carterson the notorious Confederate prison camp where the child had been a pitiful and pathetic captive. Inside herself Victoria was seething and her hands clenched tightly to the sill vacated by the sash.

There was a muffled sound in the room which startled Victoria into awareness breaking her from her angry thoughts. Turning she looked over at Heath and saw glistening in the moonlight tears freely running down his cheeks. The sounds she heard were the sobs he tried unsuccessfully to conceal from her. So overcome with despondency and insecurities after his revelations Heath had misread Victoria’s action. He had finished his account and was now undeniably back in the present. Making the revelations had irrefutably squeezed at his raw emotions. Revelations which had been kept buried deep inside for too many years had now been released and with them came freedom. Although it had not been the disclosures which had triggered the tearful flood of emotions Heath found relief in them. Any control he once had was forfeited when the tears began.

Now was not the time for anger now was the time for action. A few minutes earlier she had recoiled from holding Heath but now she did what came instinctively for a distressed child is a sight no mother can ignore. Victoria moved over to Heath and standing close she let her arms envelop him pulling his head and quivering body firmly against her. He didn’t resist he left it there allowing himself the comfort she offered as he cried inconsolably. Ten years of hidden grief, heartache and anguish spilled forth. The sobs became louder and were interspersed as he hitched for breath. There was no hurry. With her own tears of anger and shame quietly spilling on to his troubled head Victoria held him until he was spent.

When he was able Heath started to talk. “You couldn’t bear it.” His quiet distressed voice was stilted and he was hitching for breath. “You turned your back on me.”

“Pardon Heath?” Victoria could not understand the meaning behind what he was saying. Was he referring back to earlier in the day she considered.

“You turned your back on me. You’re ashamed.” His voice hitched as he tried to get the words out. “Now you know what happened. You’re ashamed of me aren’t you?”

“Is that what you think?” Victoria said realizing that the mere action of leaving him to go and stand by the window had brought about a flood of tears that his revelations could not. How could she have been so heartless she thought even now after the horrors that she had heard she had failed to consider what Heath needed. All he had wanted this day was support and understanding from the family he had grown to love. Selfishly she had seen to her own needs and gone and stood by the window leaving him feeling doubly rejected in a day which had turned out to be far from perfect.

Heath nodded dejectedly and she felt the movement as he visibly pulled away from her. Her anger was still high when Victoria managed to stop herself from crossly retorting. “Heath Barkley how could you think such a thing of me?” Shamefully she knew it was easy for him to think such an action from her after the way she had treated and talked to him earlier. A day when Heath had needed love and support from her and neither had been forthcoming

Pulling Heath back into her she began to explain her actions. “I’m sorry Heath. I needed fresh air. I needed to breathe. That’s why I went to the window. If I’d have known you’d think I was turning my back on you then I would not have gone over there. No Heath I’m not ashamed of you. I could never be ashamed of you. I’m ashamed of me. I’m ashamed of what happened today. The way I behaved and talked to you. Worrying about you wanting to kill Bentell and not once considering why you would want to kill him. Worrying about Bentell and his wife and how they’ve been affected by the war and never wondering about how you might have been affected. Never once truly imagining what you must have gone through in that prison camp nor what you did to survive or what you must have been feeling like finding Bentell in our living room. Telling you that you had to go with him to the logging camp to get rid of your hate and anger towards him and not knowing whether it could work or whether it would be right for you. Then to finish it off with threatening you about having the guts that your father had. Heath I never could be ashamed of you. I’m ashamed of myself.” Victoria disclosed hoping her explanation would reassure him.

Victoria could feel Heath trying to compose himself and she gently released her hold on him allowing him to sit up and take some steadying breaths. Smoothing out her dress Victoria sat down close to her stepson on the edge of the bed . Turning towards Heath Victoria took out her lace handkerchief and wiped away her own tears. When Heath felt better he turned and looked into her face and a small, sad, smile creased the corners of his mouth. Victoria took her now damp handkerchief and gently wiped away the salty wetness that still clung to his lashes. His eyes were red but she could see a sparkle and a sensitivity which was Heath. The man she knew had all but returned. She didn’t know what it was that caused it but she felt a surge running through her and knew that somehow things were going to be alright.

“I don’t think my handkerchief is large enough. You’ll have to use your own Heath. You need to blow your nose and I think you might blow mine away.” Victoria tried to joke feeling anything but jovial. She watched as he responded to her by fumbling through his pockets until he found his more substantial handkerchief and proceeded to clear his nose.

“I’m sorry,” Heath’s quavering voice addressed Victoria, “I’m ashamed, you must think I’m dreadful?”

“I don’t know what you are sorry for and I don’t want to hear any more about you being ashamed and I don’t think you’re dreadful.” Victoria responded returning Heath’s smile.

“I’m ashamed about having blubbered over you like a baby. Men don’t cry. Especially in front of a lady. I’m sorry.” Heath tried to explain himself knowing deep down inside himself there were many more feelings fighting for attention. But he was assured now knowing that his new mother would not desert him and knowing that she had not rejected him.

“Heath Barkley I’m only glad that you cried if you had not I would have thought there was something wrong with you. You are human Heath. And that’s what humans do. They cry. You have shown me the humanity that I would expect from you and the sensitivity I know is inside you.” Victoria mockingly chastised Heath before relating about her late husband. “Your father cried in front of me too so you see you have one definite trait from your father. Some day I’ll tell you about it but not now. His guts you may not have but you have your own and I’ve seen them in plenty this evening. I’m sorry Heath for saying that to you I had no right.” She watched as he acknowledged her words, creases appearing at each corner of his mouth. “Now we have more pressing matters to discuss I think.”

“It’s the first time I’ve cried in all these years since..... since you know.” Heath managed to say referring back to a time before one particular incident in the prison camp. Victoria understood what he was referring to but chose to defer mentioning the incident and responding to what he said she feigned surprise before firmly stating, “Well then it was not before time was it?”

Despite himself Heath shook his head “No Ma’am,” to agree with his stepmother.

“Thank you.” Heath went on to speak knowing there was still more to be aired before this issue was resolved. “Thank you for listening to me. For being here for me. It can’t have been easy for you. You’re the only person I have ever told it to.”

Quizzically Victoria looked at him. “You have never told anyone else?” She asked finding it hard to believe that in ten years he had never talked of his ordeal with anyone.

“No,” he shook his head. “It’s very easy really. Until today I couldn’t remember it. Well not in the same way. Not so it made sense.” Looking at the perplexed face of his new mother he realized he needed to explain. He kept his handkerchief in his hands and picked and fiddled with it and then realizing what he was doing he pushed it back into one of his pockets and stretched his hands out and took Victoria’s dainty ones in his rough callused ones and held them firm while he looked into the concerned but now caring gray eyes. “As I said earlier. I never lied to you, any of you. Until Bentell came here I didn’t remember what happened in the prison camp.

“I think this might be hard to explain but I will try and get it straight for you. It wasn’t that I’d really forgotten because you can’t truthfully forget something like that. When I woke up in that hospital and I mean truly woke up I had no idea what had happened or what I was doing there. The medical staff had to explain to me where I had been and what had happened to me. I was pretty sick. It wasn’t just the whip marks on my back you understand. It was more than that. So you see I was actually months in the hospital recovering. For a short while after the explanation I’d been given the memories came back to me. I was able to ask about the camp and learn the whys and wherefores about life or death inside a place like Carterson. I learnt about the sickness and disease and why Wes had died. It was probably blood poisoning caused from the water we washed the wounds with. I learnt the possible cause of Jack’s death. I learnt about causes of most of the deaths. For some reason at the time I needed to understand. And the Union staff were good and they humored me. For a week or two I seemed alright and my health was improving but then I took a turn for the worse and for much of the time after that I was out of it or I was barely aware and existed in a fog. This is when the nightmares began. At these times my sleep, which took up most of my time was invaded with them; the horrors that I’d experienced in the prison camp. The dreams were very real and in them I lived through the experiences. Over and over again the same things happening to me and around me.

“Everything that I have told you this evening was in my dreams. The faces were there, the guards were there all the prisoners were there. The cruelty and atrocities. I’d wake up out of the nightmare screaming and soaked with sweat and terrified. I could remember the dream alright but none of it made sense. Eventually I couldn’t put names to any of the faces. I didn’t know what any of them meant to me. I didn’t know what was going on. For a while even in my waking hours I was tormented. Well as my health gradually improved and I recovered so the dreams and nightmares became less frequent. As you know I’ve never been without the nightmares and they are always intense but somehow I learned to live with them. Eventually they only came back to haunt me when I was sick, banged up or stressed out about something.

“I had a hard time when I first came to live here trying to get some sleep and keep the nightmares to myself. I reckon I was pretty successful there because you didn’t know anything about them ’til I was thrown from that bronc and was banged up against the fence and after I was shot by Evan Miles. The memories stayed with me in my dreams. I guess your mind is a strange thing really somehow over the years its been kind of protecting me not allowing me the whole story. Not until it thought I could deal with it or when it thought I had help to deal with it.” Heath stopped and gave a knowing wink to Victoria. “It kept it all pretty much locked away. Until today that is. Until I saw Bentell face to face and I recognized him and all the other faces in my dreams came swirling back. The guards, the prisoners, that sergeant of the guard and my five friends. And finally I knew who they all were and what they meant to me. I could put names to some of the faces. And finally I knew what had been going on.

“Suddenly a part of myself has been given back to me. That doesn’t sound right but that part has been with me all the time able to haunt and torment me and I’ve had to keep a tight hold of it. And suddenly today it escaped and for the first time since I was in that prison camp I know what it all means and thank you for being here for me, for listening to me because I reckon it was time for it all to come out. It’s almost feels like I’ve been liberated for the first time.” Heath was animated by the realization that talking to his stepmother had made him feel almost complete.

“Well that solves a problem I was having.” Victoria stated as Heath raised an eye brow questioningly at her. “I worried how over these nine months since you’ve been with us I could have been so blind to what Carterson had done to you.”

“Oh Carterson did a lot to me but as long as I was well and not stressed I was capable of keeping it much under control. So you don’t need to distress yourself on that one.” Even now after what his stepmother had put him through this day Heath had compassion and was able to allay his mothers guilt. Heath could bear a grudge as well as anyone but his new mother had apologized and in the end had been there for him and he wasn’t going to let her suffer needlessly on his account.

“Thank you Heath for explaining it to me.” So saying Victoria leaned forward and gave him a kiss of thank you. “Can you live with it Heath?” She went on to ask.

“What, live with the memories?” Victoria nodded her ascent to Heath’s query. “I have lived with it.”

“Yes. I know, but can you live with it now? Knowing what they are?” Victoria repeated the question.

Normally Heath would delay answering questions allowing himself time to think but tonight he responded with assurance. “Yes I think so. More so now I believe. At least I hope so. I’m glad it’s out in the open. I’m glad I know the truth of what happened and what all the dreams were about. I’m not sure if they can torment me any more. I finally have an answer to everything I dreamt.”

“How do you feel?” While he was forthcoming Victoria intended to keep him that way because she knew Bentell still hadn’t been discussed. She knew the conversation would come round to him eventually and when it did she knew what she was going to say.

“I already feel freer more accepting of it. I understand what’s been going on in my head all these years. I didn’t do anything wrong did I? I didn’t need to feel ashamed did I? I behaved much as everyone else did under the circumstances. I was caught up in a situation beyond my control wasn’t I? Fighting to survive against the odds. I fought because I had to. I did what I did to survive. I didn’t steal anything that wasn’t already available. I never took from the weak or the dying. At the beginning I shared the items the others found and I never asked how they’d come by them because I was so grateful. But I don’t really know that they didn’t come by them honestly. These were some of the thoughts and fears that were going through my head while I was dreaming. And when I’d wake up I’d be suffering from guilt. I’d feel ashamed. I reckon I can be more accepting of it now.

“What happened to me was a fact. How I existed was a fact. How I dealt with it was a fact. What I saw and experienced was a fact and I can’t change it but now I hope I’ll be able to live with it out in the open.” There was no doubt that to Victoria Heath had already changed. His demeanor had altered and already he was talking about things he never once would mention. His innermost feelings were coming to the fore and she knew it could be only for the good in the long run.

“What about your friends Heath? Can you handle their deaths?” Victoria was worried that now he knew the part he had played in their deaths that it would be something new that would start tormenting him.

“Yes, I reckon. I’m glad I remember them. They were good for me. We had a camaraderie.” He smiled and his face lit up for the first time this day Victoria saw the light shining in his eyes. “I think that’s the right word. We did for each other. Friends like that don’t come along too much in a life time and I’m glad I can remember them finally. There was some good in that camp. I know I came to terms with Jack’s and Wes’s death back there in the camp. Jack’s memory kept me alive. He gave me strength. If it wasn’t for him I don’t think I’d be here. I know that now. In my dreams I kept seeing him falling from that whipping post and it terrified me because I didn’t know who he was or what had happened. But somehow I knew it had something to do with me. I know the truth now. It was that sergeant that killed him. I’m not trying to shirk his death.... but... but for that sergeant he and Wes might still be alive.”

“The sergeant Heath, what he did to you can you accept that and live with it?” Victoria had to mention it because the abhorrence of the act upon her stepson had troubled her greatly and she needed to know if Heath could handle it before she could herself.

“Yes. In some ways he might be the easiest one to come to terms with. I don’t reckon there was anything I left out. It seems to me I told you the lot.” Heath now tried to make light of the experience and Victoria detected a little embarrassment. She feared he was going to avoid answering her last question but he didn’t. He went quiet for a moment to reflect on what had happened and then began to speak. “Out of everything that happened in that camp what happened with him I can’t remember. I know I was there in the cell and I can remember all of that very clearly. But he knocked me out and I definitely don’t remember anything until I came around. As far as my memory is concerned he may or he may not have. I will never remember it. I only know how I felt. I reckon I can live with that as long as I don’t find him standing in the living room one of these days.” Heath made to laugh but Victoria could recognize his nervousness and knew that the fear this man had instilled in her stepson was still there.

“Heath I can’t promise you that but I can promise if it does happen we will handle it differently than we have today. You are who is important not Bentell. I know that now. I should have known that this morning and this evening.” Victoria started to think back to the morning at Heath’s anger and then to this evening when she had seen the angry daggers of ice in his eyes dissolve into unadulterated fear as he learnt he was to go with Bentell to the logging camp. He was like a wild animal trapped and she knew she should have stopped then but she hadn’t. Instead she had been stimulated by his show of fear and goaded him further. She had practically thrown his fear back in his face when she told him it wasn’t meant to be easy and ‘show us some of Tom Barkley’s guts.” She had shaken him and yelled at him. Her actions now came back tormenting her.

“No Heath what I said and did to you this morning, this day I won’t do again. I promise.” She said quietly and freeing her hands from his grip she put her arms around him and squeezed gently and apologetically. She felt him relax, respond and accept the gesture and marveled after all he’d been through his ability to forgive and knew that she would never be so magnanimous.

The stockade fencing was still surrounding him but it was now in a state of rotten decay. It was by no means as oppressive or as overpowering as it had been. Heath had taken the first and possibly the biggest step towards dismantling it. Nevertheless he knew another step had to be taken before the stockade fencing could be dismantled and destroyed. That step had already been decided for him earlier this day by his family and having psyched himself for the trip to the logging camp was totally unprepared for his stepmother’s forthright and resolute statement.

“You’re not going with Bentell tomorrow. I’m going to let him go. Dismiss him.” So sickened had been Victoria by the harrowing disclosures when only half way told she had single mindedly determined that Matt Bentell’s employment with the Barkleys had to be terminated.

“No.” Astounded Heath found himself blurting out and objecting to his stepmother’s change of mind and new proposals. For the first time in a long while he stood up from the bed and noticeably in anguish paced around the room stretching his legs before returning and sitting heavily back down at the edge. He turned round and two puzzled and startled faces stared at each other.

“What did you say Heath?” Victoria looked at him perplexed and responded taken aback by Heath’s one word and the way he was now looking at her.

“I said no.” Heath replied firmly again feeling his inside trying to twist. For some reason Heath had not expected his stepmother’s complete turn around regarding the employment of Matt Bentell. Had she said this this morning then he would have had no objections indeed he would have been ecstatic but now it had the opposite affect. He had convinced himself into believing that by fulfilling the family’s orders and escorting Bentell to the logging camp he would finally be free of the hold Carterson had over him.

“No?” Startled by the reply Victoria questioned Heath not being sure she had heard correctly. The expression of disbelief and misunderstanding on the Barkley matriarch’s finely defined features was priceless. She was one who would broach no argument and after the day she had had believed by this decision there could be no argument particularly from Heath. After hearing what she had heard this evening she would not expect Heath to go with Matt Bentell. She had seen a way of repairing the damage she had caused in their relationship earlier and ultimately she would be doing right by her husband’s son and the reply she heard was beyond her comprehension.

Part of Heath was gratefully saying ‘thank you, thank you’ whilst another part was saying ‘go with Bentell, go with Bentell’. There were warring factions at work inside his head as an inner voice forcefully told him he had to go with Bentell, he needed to go with Bentell if this evening’s revelations were not to be wasted. His stepmother’s change of intentions with regard to the employment of Matt Bentell had upset Heath’s fragile state of mind and he was clearly in turmoil with himself as he stood up again and furiously spun round to face her, clenching his fists at his sides and listening to the inner voice with a drawl angrily retorted. “You’re doing it again. You’re telling me what you’re going to do: what you want to happen. You said we’d discuss it and then we’d decide not you, but us.”

Reminiscences of Heath’s desperation earlier in the day came back to play in Victoria’s mind as she saw him now and being aware of the anxiety not only in his voice she asked perplexed. “But I thought this is what you wanted?”

Having angrily spewed forth Heath was floundering as he managed a stammering apology to his stepmother. “I’m sorry. Oh Mother, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to speak like that?” Anguished Heath felt new tears welling ready to overwhelm him as he tried to calm himself hoping that it would not be too difficult to explain to his stepmother his change of heart and was sorry he had become cross with her. It had not been his intension but he was having trouble controlling his converging and surging emotions. “Yes. Well it was what I wanted but that was earlier. That was before.” He managed to say.

Again Heath sat down next to her and took some relaxing breaths. Victoria could still see the agitation in him and stretched out her hand to brush across his cheek feeling a growth of stubble before stroking his shoulder. “Tell me what it is you want Heath.” She spoke to him soothingly.

“It’s not what you think I want? No not what I want.” He shook his head and thought for a moment and then spoke again his hands firmly clutching his knees. “I think you should have said what you thought I need. I don’t think you’d like what I want but you might like what I need.” And Victoria noticed the glimmer of a twinkle in his eyes through his anxiety as he started to explain. “I knew what I wanted this morning when I saw Bentell, I wanted to kill him, I wanted to tear him apart..... But I don’t think it is what I needed. Do you Mother? Yes this morning I wanted to kill Matt Bentell. But I don’t think I needed to. I don’t think killing him would have been the answer. I certainly didn’t need to have a murder charge hanging over me. I would like none of this to have ever happened, Carterson, the whole lot, but it did and now I need to be able to handle it. In its entirety. Can you understand what I’m saying?” Heath hoped his stepmother could comprehend what he was trying to say.

“I’m sorry Heath for trying to decide for you. I suppose it’s what mother’s do. They always think they know what is best for their children but today I didn’t know.” With a small shake of her head and not feeling quite so flummoxed Victoria removed her hand from his shoulder and gave Heath an encouraging smile. “Perhaps I’m starting to understand what you mean. What is it you need Heath?” She coaxed.

Heath looked at Victoria and began to explain. “Well I reckon you knew what was best for me. It’s just that you went about it in the wrong way and I guess I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be doing what you were telling.” Heath finished with a quirky smile realizing that his stepmother was still not too sure what he needed and he continued trying to clarify his words.

“I haven’t had much time to think since this morning and my thoughts haven’t been too straight or logical for obvious reasons but now with opening up to you and all, as I have, I’m beginning to see through the wood to the trees. I feel better for it. Not right but better. I might be on the right road now to being able to handle Carterson, at least coming to terms with it so that the whole of my mind becomes my own.

“Obviously I couldn’t kill Bentell so you were right to stop me there. I’m not sure whether killing Bentell would have been the answer anyway. I believe you may have been right on this idea about my going with Bentell to the logging camp. It might be a good idea.” He stopped speaking for a moment to take a deep breath to compose himself further before he started again to forcibly explain his change of mind.

“I made him into Carterson. He was the commander. He was in charge. He was responsible. There were too many. I could hate them all but I couldn’t kill them all so I chose him. I made him into the monster that Carterson was. I reckon I need to go with him to face that monster. To show the monster that it doesn’t have the power or the control over me any more. You want me to get rid of the hate well I don’t know whether I hate the man or whether I really did but I do know that I hated Carterson. What it did to me. What it did to my friends. What it did to the prisoners. Carterson doesn’t exist now only in my mind and there ain’t much point in hating something that doesn’t exist. So by going with Bentell I may be able to separate them. I don’t know whether I’m making much sense?” He looked at his audience and seeing a smile of encouragement went on. “But if I don’t go and face up to the monster I might lose the only chance I’ll have of laying the monster to rest and having the whole of my mind intact and free of Carterson.” Victoria could understand his reasoning and now knew what Heath meant by needing to as opposed to wanting to.

“What about Bentell?” Victoria asked realizing that during the whole of his revelations he had said very little about Bentell.

“As for Bentell himself, I don’t know.” Heath shrugged his shoulders and while talking questioned what he knew about the prison camp ex commander. Victoria felt privy to his thoughts. “I’m not promising that I’ll be able to like the man, heck, I’m not even sure if I can be civil to him, to manage my anger towards him but I may be able to understand him. As Jarrod said the courts decided Bentell didn’t have any charges to answer and they found him innocent. I don’t know whether he was innocent or guilty. My view of him is obviously and understandably biased and colored. I was on the inside living through it. He was on the outside living through it. Thinking about it now perhaps he was as much a victim of the civil war as I was? I don’t know. I may have a chance to find out. I can’t say I like the idea of going with him tomorrow up to the logging camp but I believe I need to. As you said earlier this evening it isn’t meant to be easy. I realize that. This will be one of the most difficult things I have ever done..... I don’t want to go with Bentell but I need to.” So saying Heath finished talking about Bentell and the trip to the logging camp and waited expectantly to hear his stepmother’s response and opinion.

“I’m not sure anymore Heath. Do you think it is right for you to go? Will you be alright?” Now having knowledge of the prison camp Victoria was concerned when she hadn’t been earlier and wanted to know that what Heath was going to do would be right for him. She sat quietly and considered carefully what he had said. Somehow what he was saying seemed to make sense and yet she now felt very uneasy about him going along with Bentell. Victoria studied his expression knowing there were no answers written in stone and knew that unlike earlier she would do whatever Heath felt was right.

He considered her question before answering. “I don’t know. I just feel it inside,” he patted his chest. “That that is what needs to happen and what I have to do.” Heath quietly stated and as a nervous expectant child waited.

The tall cased clock in the foyer started its midnight chime and Heath nervously counted them waiting for his stepmother’s deliberation and response.

Victoria could feel the tension in the room both his and hers emanating from the decision Heath expected her to make so she said. “I want this to be our decision Heath.” Thinking that she had kept him waiting long enough Victoria asked with an encouraging smile. “Do you think we’ve discussed it enough Heath?” He knew she was letting him decide it was now his game and he could play it anyway he liked and she would go along with whatever Heath thought he needed. The matter had not really been discussed and both of them knew it. Heath understood perfectly how to answer the question and in a soft voice replied. “Yes. I reckon.” Any tension in the room was immediately dispersed when he gave his stepmother a delicious smile which more than matched hers and said everything. For once this day mother and son were of one accord.

“Well Heath if that is what you think you need then that is what will happen. You will go with Bentell tomorrow to the logging camp.” Victoria confirmed the final decision and leaned forward to embrace her stepson knowing that he no longer held the horrors of this day against her.

Breaking her embrace she asked him. “Just one more thing Heath do you want your brothers and sister to know what you have told me tonight? I think they should know. That’s why I’m asking you.”

Heath didn’t need to think he knew what he wanted and nodded his head. Even though it was now his decision to go with Bentell he needed their understanding too. “Yes, I’d like you to tell them. I don’t think I’m strong enough at the moment I seem to have a sore throat coming on.” Victoria momentarily looked worried and then playfully slapped him across his shoulder when she saw the wicked twinkle in his eyes. Heath continued. “Yes please. I reckon they have a right to know but wait ’til I’ve left for the logging camp. You can put them in the picture if you like and I can fill in the details later when I get back if they want to know more. You do as you think fit. I know you will, but be careful how you tell Audra I don’t want her being upset.” Victoria didn’t relish telling any of her own children but felt it was something they needed to know about their half brother and Heath was more than willing that they should know. She always had respect for Heath but tonight it had gone way up in her estimation.

“You weren’t concerned about me getting upset?” Victoria mimicked outrage and then laughed. She was upset by what she had heard but then she had asked for it. She said she was strong enough to take it and she didn’t want Heath to know how she had been affected by his revelations this evening so she joked with him. Her stepson being ever perceptive knew that she was upset by what he had told but knew that when she shared the knowledge with the rest of the family then she would feel easier about it and knew that together as a family they would deal with it.

Heath closed his eyes and thought. “When I return we will all be able to live with it together because isn’t this what families do? They share and help each other?” This day had not been a typical one in the Barkley household. Heath’s thoughts momentarily took him back to the horrors of the day when he had wanted his family to stand by him and they had not and knew now that he would have their support and Victoria looked at his smile as he opened his eyes and wondered. A smile that said “This morning I stood alone but not now, and never again.” His trust was returning had indeed returned at least for his stepmother.

Victoria broke into his thoughts. “Now have you had anything to eat? Because I have the suspicion you haven’t eaten anything since breakfast and it's late now. It’s well past your normal bed time. I imagine our guests,” Heath couldn’t help but notice Victoria frown at the word. “Jarrod, Nick and Audra have all retired.”

“I’m not hungry mother I don’t think I can eat yet.” He replied truthfully not knowing whether he could face food. His inside was still feeling delicate.

“I’ll bring you up a glass of milk and some sandwiches at least you can try not going to bed on an empty stomach.” Victoria stressed as she struggled to light the bedside lamp.

“I had hoped for something a might stronger than milk.” Heath emphasized disappointment and gave a pretence of a hurt look.

“I’ll bring a shot of brandy for you, no a double shot and you take it before going to bed. It will help you to sleep. Will that do Heath? In fact I’ll have one too. I think I need it.” She expected a polite yes please and was not prepared for the reply he gave although with a day like this she should have known the surprises were not necessarily over.

“I won’t be going to bed not here anyway. I’ll have the milk and brandy downstairs. Thank you.” Taken by surprise Victoria nearly knocked the lamp over as she turned round on him. “What do you mean you’re not going to bed here?”

“I can’t take the chance. I’ll take my bedroll down to the barn and sleep there.” Heath said not wanting to argue.

“Oh. Heath this is ridiculous you can’t sleep in the barn.” Victoria scolded him.

“Mother you are doing it again. Telling me what I can and cannot do.” Heath winked at her chuckling to himself at the power this small woman had but knew that she was not going to win this argument.

“But this is your room your bed. It’s cold in the barn.” The mother in her was showing concern.

“Now mother I’ll be all right in the barn. Believe me I’m more used to sleeping on the hard ground than I am in this comfortable bed. I’ll feel safer out there than in the house. I don’t know whether I can control the nightmares tonight. I can’t depend on the nightmares not happening and if they do then I prefer to have them out in the barn and not here where Bentell can witness them.” In his lifetime he had had humiliation enough he did not need any more. The thought of Bentell hearing his screams and cries was as terrifying to Heath as the idea of going with him to the logging camp had been earlier this evening. He still was not happy with the idea of accompanying Bentell but he now believed it would be the right thing to do and it was the decision he had made. No one was forcing him to go with Bentell. And no one was forcing him to sleep in the barn.

...Continued