Part Seven  

Xander settled down on the bed next to Kat, running a shaky hand through the dark hair. "Angelus, no wonder she reacted like that when I said Angel's name, gods, Spike, how could he do that, why would he do that?" Xander watched her chest rise and fall as the shallow breaths came from the thin figure under the covers. 
Spike looked over from where he sat on the opposite side of her body, pain clear in his eyes. "Because he's a fucking idiot, because he thought she betrayed us, because he could," Spike sighed as he looked down. "She swore revenge, got it." Spike's eyes blazed in the low light of the room. "Should have known she would know just how to take revenge, taught him almost everything he knew, she did."
"Spike," Xander whispered, careful not to wake Kat. She was still quivering under the blankets but the worst of the tremors had finally stopped. "You're doing it again. Please, tell me what happened. Did you know, were you there, just, what the hell did that asshole do to her?" The last words came out as a vicious hiss.
"Sorry, pet, don't mean to put you off," Spike gently rose from the bed, moving out of the bedroom and into the small sitting room. He pulled the couch around so that he could watch Kat sleeping, then motioned Xander over to join him. "Long story and not one I like to tell." His eyes squeezed shut for a moment, then he raised his head to stare straight into Xander's eyes. "But you need to know. Started back in 1895, still with Darla, Dru and my never to be sufficiently damned Sire, came back to London." 
Xander leaned back, listening to the low murmur of Spike's voice.

London - 1895
"I think we should just go to the Registrar's Office tomorrow and get it bloody well done and over with," Katarina pouted for the tenth time that day.
"Not likely, Kat. I'm marrying you good and proper in front of God and all our friends. Make you stand there in that dress and act all blushing and virginal." Thomas grinned unabashedly, joy bubbling up in him. He still found it hard to believe that she had agreed to this, had agreed to bind her life with his. He knew what it meant, knew that she was turning her back on everything that she was to be with him. The love it displayed overwhelmed him, caused him to swell with pride. "It's only another month."
"I know, I know," she ran her hand over the list once again. "Flowers are set, music is set, hired extra help, finally decided on the menu, so glad we decided to do this here instead of in church." She looked over at that. "Are you ever going to tell me where we are going on our honeymoon?" 
"No, I don't think so," Thomas slowly replied, seeing the frustration rise in her eyes. "Have to have some surprises from you, you know." He listened to the low growl of frustration and chuckled evilly. 
A loud series of knocks interrupted them before Katarina could start her litany of complaints as to Thomas's secrecy. She tilted her head, eyes narrowing, then let out a low hiss. 
"Thomas, stay behind me, no matter what happens," she grabbed his wrist and led him towards the door.
"Katarina, what, what's wrong?" He had never seen her like this, so focused, her power suddenly flaring to life. The grip on his arm was painful but he couldn't bring himself to say a word. The pounding resumed until Katarina suddenly yanked open the door.
"Ah, Mistress, so good to see you," Angelus crooned, sweeping in, pulling Darla along behind him. Spike and Dru followed after, Dru singing softly to herself. Angelus suddenly stopped, head thrown back as he scented deeply. "Mistress, there is a human here," he growled out, shifting immediately to gameface.
Thomas gasped. "A vampire, Katarina, please, get back," he struggled to throw himself in front of her but was stopped as her hands tightened on his wrists.
"I know, please, they cannot hurt me." Katarina murmured, reaching up to run a calming hand down his face. She whirled around when she heard the growling grow louder.
"Angelus. When did you return to London?" Her voice was cold. She glanced over at them all, eyes softening slightly as she saw Spike and Dru. "William. Pleasure to see you as always."
"Mistress, what are you doing with a human," Angelus suddenly launched himself forward, trying to wrench her away. The human reeked of her, her scent permeating every fiber of his being. 
A firm hand grasped him by the throat as she slammed him into a wall, her other hand never losing hold of Thomas's arm. "Not that it is any business of yours, Angelus, but he is mine. He is my mate. Now, answer me this, are you passing through or have you decided to settle here again. Because things have changed since you were last here. Which is it?" She shook him slightly, loosening her grasp just enough to allow him to answer.
"We have returned, heard that there was no one here, thought that hunting would be good," Angelus croaked out, hands reaching to pull her arm away. Bright eyes stared into his and she abruptly stepped back, tumbling him to the ground. 
"That's because I have staked a claim. London is mine. Do you understand me Angelus, mine. You may not hunt here. If you choose to stay, that is your business. But you must hunt elsewhere. Now, if you can act like a civilized being, we can sit for some dinner. I still have blood in the cellar, I am sure." Her voice rang with clear authority and the rest of the vampires took a step back. 
"Mistress, why have you done this?" Angelus slowly rose to his feet, attempting to tower over her. "Is it because of that, that person," he spit out, a snarl curling on his lips. "You cannot truly be taking him as your mate." A bark of laughter rang out.
"Yes, I am. I have. He is my mate. Either accept that or be gone. Know this, I will not hesitate to stake any of you should you attempt to challenge my claim. You do not want me as an enemy, Angelus, you know this. So, what shall it be, stay and break bread with me, or leave and sever all ties. Choose Angelus." Their eyes locked and the air in the room went still as the gaze lengthened between them. The only sound in the room came from the beating of Thomas and Katarina's hearts. Finally, Angelus tore his gaze away and gathered his family behind him. 
"This is not the end of this, Mistress. You are mad to do this," he led them out the door, stomping loudly. Spike turned to catch Katarina's gaze, shrugging helplessly as his Sire led them out the door. 
"Come back later," Katarina mouthed to him and he nodded minutely. 

"How could she do this," Angelus screamed as he threw a chair across the room, "Staking a claim, taking a human as her mate."
Spike stepped back, fearing to get caught in the path of the angry vampire. "Careful there, mate. That chair is made of wood you know." 
Angelus pinned him down with a fierce glare and then turned back, knocking the table aside. "Of all the things she could have done, this, this is unbearable. Declaring London as hers, what is she thinking and taking a human, A HUMAN, as a mate," the growling grew fiercer and Spike faintly heard Dru and Darla exit the house, trying to get as much distance between themselves and Angelus as possible.
"What is so bloody awful about that, her decision, you know, don't see how it affects you. Unless you're sweet on her," Spike slouched down on one of the remaining chairs, an insolent grin on his face. For his part, he was thrilled to see her. Underneath the fury he could scent how happy she was, could see the care in the way she touched her mate's face. About time she was happy, about time she had someone as well. 
"What is so bad, have you learned nothing? She is an Ancient, all powerful. And she is submitting herself to some man, some creature that should not even have the right to be in the same room with her, taking him as hers, what is she thinking. I know her, she won't even make him immortal, oh no, she would never change him like that." The vampire paced frantically back and forth. "Don't you see, she is turning her back on us, aligning herself with them." Angelus dropped to the floor, turning a shard of china over and over in his hands.
"Her choice after all." Spike replied, trying to keep his voice perfectly neutral. No sense in upsetting his Sire further. 
"No, it's not. She knows what this means. War. Taking away an entire city like that. There can only be one response." The voice was hard, the decision already made. 
"Still think you are overreacting, mate. Tell you what, I'm going to see where our lovely ladies have gotten to. You just stay there and brood, why don't you." Spike pushed himself off the chair, headed out the door and back to Katarina's. He wanted to talk to her himself, find out why she had done this.
"Not a bad idea, William. Although, I prefer to think of it as planning." Angelus leaned against the wall. She would pay for this. Would pay dearly.

Spike checked once again to be sure that he was not being followed, then knocked softly on the door. It was immediately opened and he was pulled quickly inside. 
"Mistress, so good to see you, I missed you," Spike murmured in her hair as he wrapped her in a quick embrace.
"Ah, dear William, missed you as well. Come inside, I want you to meet Thomas." She led him into the sitting room to where Thomas stood waiting before the fire.
"Spike, this is Sir Thomas Robert William Pensington. Thomas, this is Spike." The pride was clear in her voice as she moved to stand next to him by the fire.
"Spike, it's well, glad to meet you," Thomas stuttered out, reaching out a hand. 
With a raised eyebrow, Spike shook the outstretched hand. "So, Mistress, seems like you've been busy since we last met." A sudden flash of green caught his eye and he looked down to see the ring on her finger. "Congratulations are in order I see." 
"Thank you. Thomas, please, I need to speak to Spike here for a moment alone. I'll be with you shortly." She pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, then Thomas slowly left the room, staring at Spike the entire time, possessiveness radiating from his body.
"So, never thought you would be settling down." Spike nestled into the couch, waiting for Katarina to join him.
"Neither did I. But, he is my soulmate. The one I never thought I would find." She sat next to Spike, the truth burning in her eyes.
"And you are marrying him. Katarina, does he even know who you are? Does he understand what a sacrifice you are making?" Spike stared back, searching her face. She protected him. He would protect her. And if this Thomas person wasn't worthy, then, well, then there would be no stopping him from preventing this marriage from taking place.
"Yes. He knows exactly who I am. And he loves me because of it. Not in spite of it. Be happy for me, William. Please, everyone else has already left." It was true. All her order had turned their backs, refusing even to acknowledge her relationship. While she may have walked away countless years before, that did not mean that she had severed all ties. She may not want to admit it, but it hurt her deeply. They were still her order and they were rejecting her.
"If he hurts you," Spike's eyes flashed yellow, then he reached out and took her hand. "Lovely ring, suits you. When's the wedding?"
"A month today. Will you come?" She held her breath, not wanting to reveal how much it would mean to her. 
"Certainly. Have you claimed him for your order yet or are you waiting for the honeymoon? Sure haven't waited for anything else, can smell him on you, you know," he leered at her, rewarded by a cuff to the head.
"Can't. He's not meant to be immortal. So," she trailed off, eyes darkening for a moment.
"So if you do, you'll lose what makes him what you love," Spike finished. "Oh, Kat, I'm sorry."
"So am I. But that just makes every moment we have more special. Now, come on, you two will like each other. He writes terrible poetry too. But you cannot tell him I said that, he thinks I like it." 
Spike laughed as she dragged him into the next room.

"Please just stay, it will make everything so much easier tomorrow," Katarina slowly twisted in Thomas's arms, rubbing herself against him. 
"Now, now, we discussed this, you know I want to enjoy my last night of decadent bachelor freedom," he leaned down and kissed her forehead, trying to bat her hands away. 
"Oh yes, I know, sorting out your books. I could come over and help," a short pause, "catalogue." She batted her eyes at him. "I can be very, very helpful you know. Remember last time?"
Thomas groaned slightly as the vision popped into his mind. "Yes, I remember last time. And as I recall, you did not catalogue the books so much as shed your clothing." 
"Well, you were most helpful in undoing the buttons," she innocently replied. "Stay."
"No, want to follow some traditions. Speaking of traditions, close your eyes and come with me." He watched as she rolled her eyes but finally complied, giggling slightly. 
"Where are we going? Thomas," she whined out.
"Shh, quiet. Here we are. Now," he spun her around, "Open your eyes." 
Katarina did so, then gasped in pleasure. "Thomas, is this where you have been going in the afternoons?" The portrait hung from the wall in their study. She moved forward, reaching up the gently touch the canvas.
"Careful, the oils might not quite be dry yet." He pulled her into a firm embrace. "Bridegroom's gift to the bride. Said how much you admired his work. Overheard you discussing getting me to sit for someone when we came back. Decided to do it beforehand. Do you like?" 
"I love. Love it, love you." She sighed in pleasure, then pulled away. "This is just a bribe to get me to let you leave. Fine, it worked. Leave me here sitting in front of this, picturing all the ways to get you out of that suit."
Thomas laughed and then kissed her quickly, gathering up his self-control. This was it, the last night they would be apart. "I will be back at 5:00 tomorrow afternoon to begin to get ready. It is only," he glanced at his watch. "Eighteen hours away. Then only another three until you are Lady Thomas Robert William Pensington." They stopped in the doorway and Katarina leaned up for one last kiss. He trailed his fingers down her cheek gently. "Good night my lady." He bowed deeply, then backed down the sidewalk, staring back at her.
"Good night my lord," she called out, watching until he turned the corner, then pulled the door shut, heading back to stand before the portrait.
Thomas whistled to himself, moving quickly down the sidewalk. While he knew he had nothing to fear from the more supernatural creatures of the night, none of them were foolish enough to harm an Ancient's mate, there were still dangers of the human variety. He kept a watch out for a cab, best to be safe. He saw one standing at the corner and he quickened his stride. He never noticed the dark figures move from the shadows of the doorway, never knew he was anything but alone until the sharp blow to his head.

Spike looked up in surprise as Angelus and his new minions led a struggling man into the room. "Bringing a toy back for Dru, how thoughtful," he started, then stopped in shock as the head slowly was drawn back. "Thomas." With two quick strides he attempted to cross the room to pull the man free. Angelus met him just as he reached down to snap one of the minion's necks.
"Leave him be, Spike." The command sounded in his ear and Spike jumped back, hissing sharply.
"Angelus, what the fucking hell are you doing, that's Thomas, that the Mistress's mate. Oh hells sake, they are getting married tomorrow, what are you playing at?" Spike struggled in the firm grasp, trying and failing to keep the panic from his voice.
"Yes, and you were planning on going, weren't you? Thought I didn't know, foolish childe," the words spit in his ear, fangs trailing down his throat. "She knew it would be war. She left him unprotected. Now, now she will learn. She took a human, she knew the consequences. Now she will pay." 
Spike finally yanked free, spinning across the room. "This is madness. She will come for you and she will kill you. You know what power she has, she will destroy you without thinking twice." His eyes darted about frantically, trying to find some way to escape, some way to get to her, to warn her.
Angelus just laughed, then lifted the amulet from under his shirt. "No, not as long as I have this. As long as I wear this, she cannot touch me." He grabbed Spike as the younger vampire raced for the door. "Oh, trying to warn her. How sweet. Always knew you had a soft spot for her. So human." Angelus slammed him into the wall, then summoned one of his minions from the back. "Take him away. Chain him in the basement." His lip curled up in a vicious snarl. "Get Dru. If he tries to escape, stake her." Angelus turned his back as the screams erupted from his childe.
"Now as for you," he ran a finger under Thomas's jaw, tilting his head to the left. "I have plans for you." 
"She will destroy you. However long it takes." Thomas spat out, staring straight into those yellow eyes. 
"No, she won't. Don't forget. You are nothing but a human." Angelus leaned down and sank his fangs into the waiting neck, draining him dry, able to faintly taste her on the mortal's skin. Just before the last beating of the heart, he opened his wrist and pressed it firmly to the pale lips. "Drink, yes, drink, that's right, become mine, mine, not hers, mine." The firm pull began and Angelus smiled tightly. "Yes, my childe, drink." Thomas collapsed next to him and Angelus settled down, waiting for his rebirth. 

"Where the hell is he," Katarina stared out the window, glancing over again at the clock. 6:00. Still no Thomas. She closed her eyes and concentrated deeply. Something was terribly, desperately wrong. She could not sense his heartbeat anywhere. She battled down the panic rising in her. It was just nerves, nothing was actually wrong, just nerves. She moved back to her wardrobe, slowly and calmly pulling out a long, thin bladed knife. No, nothing was wrong. Just because her tie to her mate was severed that was no reason to strip down, to change into a pair of trousers and a jacket. No reason to bring the knife to her braid and chop it away. No reason to tuck what was left of her hair under a cap. No reason to slip out the window and land on the ground. No reason to begin following the faint traces of his scent. 
Spike came tearing around the corner, blood streaming after him, Dru in tow. He had finally managed to tear the ring holding the chain around his wrist from the wall and break the neck of the minion guarding him. He grabbed the keys as the body fell and freed himself, then tore after the others in the room. In the confusion he managed to stake the vampire holding Dru hostage and he pulled her into the night, frantically trying to reach Katarina. Dru had been most displeased at being yanked away from her Daddy and she was clawing desperately at him, trying to pull away. 
"Dru, stop it, trying to save you, she'll kill us all," he panted as he rounded on the house. It was blazing in the night, flowers everywhere, the sounds of the preparations for the festivities ringing in the night. He stopped, trying to scent out her presence, trying to determine some way of making it into the house. A quick movement down the street caught his attention and he realized with a start that it was her, dressed like a man.
"Mistress," he ran after her. "Please, Mistress, wait."
Katarina stopped when she heard Spike's desperate call. She turned, going completely still as the blood drenched vampire stopped in front of her. "William, William, what happened?" She jumped back as Dru lashed out at them both.
"Spike, take me back. Why are you making me leave my precious Angelus, he brought me a pressie, he did, said it was for me, that the Mistress was through with him and that I could have him as a pet, mean Spike, cruel Spike, dragging me away like that, and staking those others, he will be so angry with you, we must go back, want to see my new pet, such beautiful eyes, so big and gray," Dru kicked out, nearly pulling free from Spike.
"Spike," Katarina's voice suddenly wavered, "Spike, please tell me that she is hallucinating, please, Spike," her voice cracked as she stepped back.
"No, I am so sorry, I had no idea, he took Thomas last night, I tried to get away, to tell you, but he chained me up, threatened to stake Dru," Spike panted out, seeing her heart break in front of his eyes. "In the warehouse next to the Howling Dog tavern, still there."
"Leave. Now. Get as far away as you can." He heard the words faintly as she disappeared into the night. 
"Dru, come on. We have to go now." Spike sized up the hansom coming up the street. Yes, that would do. He didn't think she would care if he hunted now. He leapt next to the driver and quickly drained him dry. Jumping down, he threw Dru into the back and then whipped the horses, heading out into the night.

The doors blew back as the minions dissolved into ash. She burst into the warehouse, striding furiously into the blackness inside. She felt a presence behind her and she simply tilted her neck, allowing the foolish vampire to sink his fangs in deeply. The screams sounded like music in her ears as the blood ran through him, setting him on fire from the inside. He fell back, shrieking as the fire burst from his body. She continued ever on, the walls shaking with the fury of her steps.
Angelus smiled lazily, pressing his hands deeper into the thick blond waves. "Nothing to worry about, my childe, don't stop now." His head tilted back as Thomas resumed his ministrations to the vampire's cock. He felt the air shimmer as she entered the room and he opened one eye.
"Well, now, Mistress, at least this gives me some indication as to why you would be willing to profane yourself that way. Quite the talented tongue, but, then again, I'm sure that you already knew that. Ow, careful, childe, watch the fangs."
Katarina went perfectly still, watching in horror as Angelus moaned loudly, shivering as he came in her mate's mouth. She listened closely, knowing the heartbeat was gone, but some desperate part of her still madly hoping she was wrong.
"Very good, my childe, come, give me a kiss." Angelus pulled Thomas along the length of his body, then leaned down, kissing him deeply, licking his seed off the cool lips. Slowly he spun the new vampire around, proudly displaying his toy. 
Katarina stalked slowly forward, flames blazing in her eyes. "Goodbye, Angelus, I always thought you were wiser than this." She raised her hand, lightening crackling in the air. A blaze of white flashed through the room.
"Oh, sorry, did you think that would hurt me?" The words rang out as Angelus gleefully saw the shock cross her face. "You are right, my dear. I am wiser than that. Do you think I would take what was yours without some protection." He slowly lifted the amulet out from under his shirt, spinning it in the air. "Look familiar? As you well know, you cannot harm me as long as I am wearing this. Now, come, let's sit and talk like reasonable adults. After all, you should be grateful to me, I have given him what you would not."
Katarina slowly sank to her knees, utter helplessness crashing over her. "Why, why did you do this? I did nothing to you." The sobs were drawn from her and she did nothing to try and stop them.
"You did nothing. Nothing other than betray all that you are. Nothing other than taking their side. Nothing other than choosing to debase yourself, to give up all that you are. And for what, a mere mortal. But now, now he's so much more. Aren't you, my pet?" Angelus nuzzled into the vampire's hair for a moment. "So, do you still love him, Mistress?" The voice was mocking and cruel.
She looked up, seeing the demonic planes of her loves face. Gone was the sensitive and gentle soul, gone was all the made him what he was. Only this shell was left. This mocking reminder of what she once had. But that was enough. "Yes. Please."
"Please, does my Mistress beg? Beg for me. What will you give me to give him back to you." Angelus sneered, watching her squirm. Finally, she was bowing to him, finally reduced to this abject state.
"Anything, anything, just, please, please give him back to me." She was shameful and small, but she no longer cared. She would do anything to have that body back in her arms. She would find some way to bring him back. While it had never been accomplished before, she would find a way. There would be a way.
"Anything. Fine, I want all your wealth. I want the chateau in Burgundy. I want the mansion in Bonn. I want you to call me Lord." He tilted his head, seeing the tears pouring down her face.
"All of it, yours. Just give him back to me." She rose to her feet and took a tentative step forward, head still hung in submission.
"Beg me. Call me Lord." Her desperation was intoxicating, to have this power over her, he could taste it on his tongue. 
"Please, I'm begging you. Please, my lord, just give him back to me, please, just release him, please my lord." She was far, far past any pride, she only knew this need. 
"Fine." He moved his hand slowly from behind his back, pushing Thomas forward with the other.
Katarina tore across the room, grabbing Thomas in her arms, pressing firm kisses on his cheeks. "Don't worry, my love, I'm fix this, I'll get you back." 
"No, I don't think you will." Angelus raised the stake and plunged into Thomas's back.
"Kat," Thomas sighed as he turned to dust in her arms. 
Her screams ripped through the building, blasting the walls flat, the ceiling disintegrating to dust. Angelus left at a dead run, dodging the falling debris, fleeing into the night. She stood there for hours, scream after scream ripping through her body. The storms quickly rose, the thunder and lightening echoing her cries. Finally, as dawn rose, she collapsed to the ground, running her fingers through the dust. Her face settled into perfect stillness. 
"If it takes until the end of time, I will have my revenge, Angelus. All that is yours shall be mine." She stood and vanished into the dawning light.

Romany - 1898
The old gypsy woman collapsed, drained from the power of the spell. Gentle hands lifted her back up, running calm fingers through the thick gray hair. 
"Come, drink this," a clear voice echoed in the night air. The gypsy woman gratefully accepted the steaming mug of tea.
"Thank you. For everything. Without you, I would never have been able to do this." The old woman reached out, taking the hands in hers. "Whatever he has done, he shall suffer, for all time. Know that."
Bright blue eyes met the old woman's across the fire. "I know. And thank you. Without you, I could never have taken my revenge."
"How did you know how to alter the curse," the woman pressed on. Whoever this strange woman was, it was clear she had immense power of her own. She did not understand why the blue eyed girl had not simply cursed him herself. 
"Ancient secret," Katarina smiled bitterly at the unintentional irony of the words. "And I cannot move against him myself. He made sure of that. You have my eternal thanks, grandmother." She stood, then leaned down and pressed a small purse into the gnarled hands. "May peace follow you to the end of your days." 
Angelus lay gasping on the ground, the pain wrenching through him. He had no idea what just occurred but the weight of all his sins had suddenly torn through his soul. His soul. He had a soul.
"Ahh, Angelus, as I said, I thought you were wiser than that." The slim figure emerged from the shadows, kneeling on the ground beside him. She yanked the amulet from his neck. He was unable to stop her, couldn't stop her, knew that he deserved whatever she chose to do to him. "This only protects you from direct actions by me. Surely you must have realized that I would enlist the help of others." She pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. "Enjoy yourself, Angelus, I'm off now. Have to go find that family of yours. You took my soul. I gave you yours back. You took my family. I will make yours mine. Seems about right to me."
He tried to cry out, but could not find the strength to do so.

"Angelus staked him, oh dear gods, I knew we should have killed him a long time ago, the next time I see him, I swear," Xander ground out. He was having trouble staying still, the rage ripping through him too great. He suddenly heard a low whimper come from the vampire next to him. 
"I should have stopped him," Spike whispered. "She always stood by me and I let him do that, I should have stopped him."
Xander turned to face the vampire, wiping the tears from his face. "Spike, what could you have done. You know he would have killed Dru and he probably would have killed you, too." Xander hurriedly continued as he saw Spike stiffen beside him. "I'm not saying that he was stronger than you, but, Spike, c'mon, he would have set them all against you, you wouldn't have survived. There was nothing you could have done."
"I should have known, he was so quiet, I knew he was planning something, I just never thought he would move directly against her," Spike stared straight ahead, eyes fixed far in the past. "I betrayed her," he lowered his head to his hands and began to weep, the pain still fresh.
Xander never hesitated. He spun off the couch and knelt in front of Spike, pulling the cool body into his arms. "Don't, not your fault," he murmured meaningless sounds, running his hands down Spike's back, trying to calm him. Spike's arms wrapped around Xander's waist and pulled him tighter, Spike's head coming to rest on Xander's shoulder. 
"Calm down, over now, she's right here, everything will be fine." They rocked back and forth, Spike's sobs finally slowing until he was cradled in Xander's arms, comforted by the steady heartbeat.
Xander pulled back slightly and tried to rub the blood tears away. "You're a bit of a mess, what say we go get you cleaned up?" He kept his voice low. Hitching sobs were still coming from Spike and he didn't want to upset the vampire once again. 
"In a minute, just, want to stay here for a bit," Spike muttered, drawing Xander closer. 
"That's fine, as long as you want," Xander quietly replied, carding his fingers through Spike's hair. They clung to each other for long moments until Spike finally leaned back, letting out a long sigh.
"Let's go, blondie, don't want her to wake up to see you all bloody, might think I took a swing at you or something," Xander joked, attempting to lighten the mood.
Spike snorted at that. "Like to see you try, mate." 
"Maybe later," Xander reluctantly released the vampire then stood and offered a hand to Spike. Spike took it and he pulled the vampire up, a little harder then he meant to. Spike crashed into his chest and Xander caught them before they fell back on the carpet. They stood there for a moment, just staring into each other's eyes, Spike's face still streaked red from his tears. 
"Spike," the name was drawn from him against his will. Xander swallowed hard, then brought a hand up to cradle the beloved face. 
Spike didn't reply, he simply leaned up and caught Xander's lips with his own.

Part Eight  

Slowly, so slowly, Xander brought up his other hand to rest on Spike’s
face, taking care not to move his lips from the cool slide of skin against
skin. He gently twined his fingers in the soft hair, drawing them ever so
slightly closer. He felt Spike’s hands tentatively come to rest on his
waist and he smiled, he couldn’t help it, he smiled into the kiss, his
lips parting slightly as he did so. He felt those cool lips part under
his and he tilted his head, the pressure of it opening their mouths just
enough, the perfect amount to bring his tongue to trace along that full
bottom lip. Just a trace, just a touch, then retreating, pulling back,
not pushing too far.

**Don’t press, don’t, scare him away, no pressure, just needs comfort,
kiss between friends, that’s all** Xander repeated the words over and
over, trying to calm himself, trying to ignore the taste of Spike in his
mouth, finally **FINALLY** in his mouth. Salty, coppery, hint of tobacco.
Reluctantly, he pulled back, eyes still closed, breathing through his
nose, arching back to keep the evidence of his desire away from Spike. He
rested his forehead against Spike’s, still pressing his eyes shut, not
wanting to lose the moment, embedding it in his mind. This might be the
only chance he would ever have and he didn’t want it to end, not quite
yet. He ran his fingers down Spike’s face, the sharp edge of the
cheekbone so familiar now.

“Gods, Xander,” he heard Spike sigh. The sound of it made his eyes open
wide. The longing, desire and fear all tangled together, the sound of his
own soul. He started to pant, right in Spike’s ear, he couldn’t stop it,
cursing himself as he did so. “Xander, please,” that low voice again and
then Spike’s hands suddenly tightened on his waist and he knew, he knew
that this was what he wanted, what he needed, the end of everything, the
moment he had been moving towards his entire life.

He slammed his mouth back down on Spike’s, his control gone, blown away by
the feel of Spike’s hand tugging his shirt from his pants, destroyed by
the moan that came from the vampire in that eternal space in time before
their tongues finally touched. Frantically they tore into each other,
lips bruising from the ferocity of it. All those long months of
frustration, lonely nights when they were separated only by a thin wall
and their own fears, all were poured into this, this dance of tongue with
tongue, this union of all they were and all they could be, all they would
be.

Xander faintly heard whimpering and for one small second he stopped,
damning himself. Kat was still passed out on the bed and here he was,
ravishing her kin not twenty feet away. Then he realized the whimpering
was coming from him, that he was the one making those desperate sounds of
need and desire. It pushed him higher, even higher than the feel of
Spike’s fingers tracing the ridges of his spine. His grip on Spike’s head
grew firmer as he tried to pull them together, to merge their flesh into
one. He never wanted this to end, never wanted to leave the cool haven of
that mouth, the protective circle of those strong arms. The spots
swimming on the insides of his eyelids, however, finally forced him to
yank away, to gasp in air as he felt Spike’s arms curl around his back,
holding him upright. He dropped his head to Spike’s shoulder and gasped,
trying to fill his lungs so that he could dive back again and again and
again. He felt the grin on his neck, heard Spike’s low chuckle in his ear
and he quickly joined in, the two of them shaking with laughter in each
other’s arms.

“Long time coming, that,” Spike murmured, stroking the dark mane of hair,
reverently feeling the velvet of the golden skin. He couldn’t help it, he
hadn’t meant to kiss Xander, but the feel of that strong chest under his
and the throaty sound of his name in Xander’s mouth had been his undoing. 
**Never bet it all on a single hand** Spike grinned wider, for some
reason the long ago lessons in gambling coming back to him. Well, he had.
And it appeared that he had won. At least if the press of Xander’s flesh
into his thigh was any indication. He shifted his hips slightly, moving
so that Xander would feel the echoing hardness, so that Xander would know
just what it was he was doing, had always done to him.

“Uh huh,” Xander managed to wheeze out. **Ohh, such pretty words I can
say** He wanted to say so much else, but he still couldn’t really
breathe.

“Silver tongued devil, aren’t you, pet,” Spike gently teased, stroking
calming hands down Xander’s back. He could feel Xander’s eyes roll at
that, even if he couldn’t see the lovely face.

“Fuck you, Spike,” Xander spoke slowly and clearly, unable to think of any
clearer invitation than that. Spike’s hands went still for a moment, then
the fingers clawed into his back as Spike sucked in a quick breath. A
feeling of triumph surged through him. **Finally shocked you bleach boy**
He lifted his head and looked Spike straight in the eyes.

“Xander,” Spike groaned out, eyes turning a deep, deep blue as he looked
up into those dark eyes, “Xander, bloody hell, don’t” Spike convulsively
swallowed, unable to continue for a moment. Xander slowly turned his
hips, bringing their burning lengths into contact and Spike’s head fell
back, the sensation ringing through him. “Don’t tease,”

“Not teasing,” Xander bent down and sucked on Spike’s throat, hands
roaming over the firm body in his arms, lapping up and down the white
column wantonly laid out before him.

Spike suddenly pushed away, forcibly wrenching them apart. Xander looked
up, startled, then dropped his gaze to the floor. **Fuck, oh fuck, too
much, too fast** He had ruined this, gone too far, tried to take too much
yet again. As always. He stared down, embarrassment building in him. 
Great, now what was he supposed to do. He vaguely registered movement out
of the corner of his eye but couldn’t force himself to look.

“Xan, luv,” cool fingers reached out to take his. “Thought we might to
move this somewhere a little more private.” Xander felt his arm being
raised, then a gentle kiss dropped onto the back of his hand. Relief
rushed through him and he nodded, unable to speak. They quietly made
their way out of the room, wordlessly walking through the house, hand in
hand, until they reached Spike’s rooms.

Spike paused as they reached the doorway to his bedroom. He leaned over,
dropping a quick kiss on Xander’s cheek. “Stay here a moment, pet. Just
want to do something first.” Xander nodded, leaning into the frame of
the door. The desperate heat was fading, lowering into a warmer flame, a
slow burn of desire and love. He watched Spike smoothly glide around the
room, lighting the candles scattered about until the room was glowing in
the flickering light. Spike finally circled back, stopping right in front
of Xander, hand stretched out in silent invitation. Xander reached out
his hand and took the vampire’s in his own, letting Spike pull him into
the room, across the threshold and into the warm room. Spike led them to
the bed and settled them there, nestling in the space next to Xander on
the bed. His eyes glowed in the night, the flames glittering off the dark
polish on his nails. They simply sat for a moment, fingers entwined,
letting the passion build, all the words still unspoken whispering in the
air. Finally, it was too much. This time it was Xander who leaned down,
who caught Spike’s lips gently in his, nibbling so tenderly at the cool
flesh.

Spike leaned back, pulling Xander closer, falling down, dragging Xander
over to cover him. Xander shifted his weight, drawing up to kneel on the
bed, hands running down Spike’s sides, Spike’s hands ghosting across his
back. He concentrated everything on the body beneath him, memorizing
every sound and sigh, testing to see just what worked best, what caused
those little whimpers and the unconscious thrusting of those slim hips. 
He kissed his way across Spike’s face, dropping feather light touches on
Spike’s eyelids and chin, licking up his jaw to that perfectly formed ear.
He took the lobe in his teeth and nibbled gently, breathing softly as he
did so, alternating hot and cool on the pale flesh. He was rewarded with
the sudden hiss of a sharply drawn breath and he smiled to himself. He
felt Spike trying to pull him down, trying to draw him ever closer, felt
the restraint quivering as Spike held back from using his strength to just
crush Xander to him.

Xander moved down Spike’s neck, running the tip of his tongue along the
faint trace of the vein. He dimly noted that Spike must had fed recently,
the stolen blood moving through the inhuman body, making the blue line
sharp on the white skin. “So beautiful, you’re so beautiful,” the words
cut into the silence wrapping around them. “Wanted you for so long,
Spike,” the sounds tumbled from him, vibrating on their skin.

Spike said nothing, but his hands grew more frantic, ripping Xander’s
shirt from his pants, tugging it upwards, the thinnest sliver of blue
visible between the dark lashes. Xander leaned up only enough to allow
Spike to pull the shirt over his head, then he returned to worshipping
Spike’s skin. He ran his hands under Spike’s shirt, moving his mouth over
the fabric to rest on one of the firm nipples peaking the fabric. He
mouthed the flesh through the fabric, his other hand moving to tweak the
other nipple. A loud moan came from the body under his, Spike arching
helplessly in his hands.

“Xander,” Spike moaned out, the sensation burning through him. He could
see the flesh glowing over him and he moaned again. “Please, want to
feel you.” He looked up to see Xander’s eyes turn black and then he was
being lifted from the bed, a strong arm holding him up as his shirt was
yanked upwards, grace giving way to haste, to desperate need. Finally,
finally bare chested, he pulled Xander back to him, finally able to feel
that heat burn him, the skin so much smoother than he had ever allowed
himself to imagine, had ever dared to dream. Greedy hands roamed all over
him and he felt Xander’s head dive down again, taking a nipple into his
mouth, tonguing it to a firm peak.

“So good, you taste you good,” Xander murmured, moving ever so slightly to
lie between Spike’s thighs, trying to stop the thrusting of his hips. He
knew he was torturing them both, but he wanted it like this, wanted it to
last as long as possible, to drag it out, savor every second. He kissed
down that perfect torso, breathing in Spike’s scent. “Smell so good, knew
you would,” he had to speak, had to give voice to the desire, had to hear
the sound of his own words, it made it real, let him know it wasn’t merely
another dream. Spike’s hands were buried in his hair, running through the
thick strands. He traced along the ridges of Spike’s abdomen, lapping up
the small beads of sweat that had formed there.

Spike pulled him back up, bringing their mouths back together, tasting the
salt of his own skin on Xander’s lips. Another loud groan escaped him and
he pulled Xander higher, bringing his mouth to Xander’s chest, tracing
small circles around each nipple, teasing and taunting, never fully taking
the dark flesh into his mouth. Xander whimpered, torn between pleasure
and pain, the small laps so good, so good, but not enough, not nearly
enough. He stilled as he felt Spike tug him yet higher, kissing down his
chest, his actions mirroring Xander’s own. He shuddered as he felt the
cool fingers run along the waistband of his pants, coming to a stop at the
top button.

“Please, Xander, please, let me,” Spike paused, trying to lean his head
back enough to see Xander’s face staring down at him. Their gazes locked,
then Xander nodded slowly.

“Spike,” all the words trying to force their way from his body caught in
his throat and he could only say this, only say Spike’s name. “Spike,”
again, voice deep with longing.

Spike nodded up at him, understanding written on his face. He could no
longer speak, the fulfillment of all his longing so close, right there in
front of him. He moved shaky hands over the fastening to Xander’s pants,
carefully undoing the button, sliding a hand down the front, hissing again
as he felt Xander’s erection press into the back of his hand. He eased
down the zipper, then began to tug the fabric down Xander’s legs, catching
the waistband of Xander’s boxers as well. He felt Xander kick his shoes
off, felt him lean away, the loss of contact washing over him briefly as
Xander backed away slightly, yanking the clothes the rest of the way off
his body.

Xander turned on his side and closed his eyes, completely exposed, naked
before Spike. He wanted to look, wanted to see the expression on Spike’s
face, but he couldn’t, a torrent of vulnerability washing over him. For a
single moment he lay there, then he felt Spike’s hands on either side of
his face.

“Xander, look at me.” The quiet words settled into his ear. Gathering up
his courage, he opened his eyes, brown meeting blue.

“You’re perfect, perfect.” Spike leaned down and kissed him gently. “So
perfect.” The words were pressed into his lips as Spike pushed him onto
his back, moving to straddle his hips. “So much better than I imagined.” 
Xander’s hands tightened on Spike’s waist.

“Your turn,” he managed to get out, then reached down and slowly began to
return the favor. He knew how much he had ached when trapped in his
clothes and it was obvious that Spike was in the same state. Spike panted
as Xander’s hand brushed against him, then he pulled back with a low
growl, yanking the jeans down, cursing as they caught on the boots.

“Fucking things, can never get them off,” Xander suppressed a sudden snort
of laughter as he heard the words. Spike let out another low growl then
finally pitched the boots across the room, the jeans following rapidly
after them. All thoughts of laughter stopped as Spike moved back up the
bed, moving to hover directly over Xander, holding himself up with his
arms on either side of Xander’s head, waiting, watching the emotions play
on Xander’s face. He bit his lip and that was just too much. Xander
reached up and pulled him down.

Loud groans escaped them both as they were finally pressed together, limbs
tangling as the began to move. The friction of cock on cock rattled
through them and they fell into a steady rhythm, grinding together slowly.
Mouth sought mouth and they shared breath, panting together, Xander
wrapping his arms around Spike’s waist as Spike trailed his fingers
through Xander’s hair. They felt their orgasms rise, felt the tension
build, felt it crest over them together, their seed mingling together,
coating them both, hoarse shouts of meaningless sound as their completion
struck. Spike collapsed down and Xander cradled him to his chest, the
slim body rising and falling with each breath. They drifted together,
content, the scent curling around them.

Spike suddenly smiled, pulling up slightly to drop a kiss on Xander’s
forehead. “Better get cleaned up, luv.”

“No, don’t want to move,” Xander pulled Spike back down, holding them
together.

“Pet, if we don’t we’re going to get stuck together,” Spike tried to sound
firm but his small wiggle of pleasure ruined the effect.

“Sounds good to me,” Xander sleepily replied. 

“Pet,” Spike groaned out, why did he have to be the reasonable one. 
Didn’t suit him. “Pet, have to get up.” He forced himself away, moving
to stand by the side of the bed. “Nothing says we can’t shower together,
now does it.” He smirked down, seeing a flush wash across Xander’s body.

Xander grinned as he rose. “That’s damn straight.” Xander saw the glint
of mischief in Spike’s eye and he groaned as he realized what he just
said. “Don’t say it, whatever it was, just, don’t, Spike.”

Spike simply laughed as they stumbled over their clothes on the way to the
bathroom.

========================================================================
The strong smell of coffee pulled Xander from sleep. He let out a happy
sigh. Ah, coffee, wonderful, wonderful coffee. His pleasure deepened as
he felt Spike’s cool cheek pressed to his chest. He could never remember
feeling this happy, this content, this complete. And now, coffee. A
fuzzy thought crawled across his consciousness **if Spike’s here, then who
has coffee** His eyes shot open and he looked up.

“Well, it’s about fucking time. No pun intended. Well, okay, pun
intended, couldn’t help it.” Kat grinned at the flustered expression on
Xander’s face. She really shouldn’t do this to him now, especially not
before Xander had his coffee, not when he was so adorably hazy with
morning after happiness, but she couldn’t help it. She handed over a
large mug. “Cream and six sugars right,” she shook her head ruefully. 
“Can’t believe you profane the bean that way, Xander.” She sat on the
edge of the bed and watched in amusement as Xander automatically reached
for the mug.

“Um, thanks,” Xander managed to get out, eyes wide. 

Kat just rolled her eyes at him. “For heaven’s sake, Xander, stop it. I
couldn’t be happier if it were me. The two of you were driving me batty. 
I came very close to just locking you two in a room the other night and
telling you not to come out until you finally got it on. And William, I
know damn well you’re awake, so stop faking it and get up.”

Spike lifted his arm out from under the comforter and elegantly flipped
her off. “I would have you know that I’ve never had to fake it in my
life, thank you very much.” He pulled himself up and took the mug of
blood from her hand, the steam gently curling in the air. “You’re looking
well, Mistress.” He cast an appraising glance over her. She did look
good, rested and happy. “Shouldn’t you be a little more scruffy, Kat. 
Did get rather plastered last night you know.” He tilted the mug back,
drinking down the rich taste.

“Well, I would if I hadn’t just slept for basically the last day. You two
do realize that it’s 9:00 at night, not 9:00 in the morning don’t you?” 
She smirked over at them as their jaws dropped open. “Just how many times
did you two go at it last night?” She ducked as the pillows came flying
her way.

“We were just tired,” Xander haughtily replied. “It wasn’t that Spike
there pinned me to the shower wall and had his wanton way with me.”

“Oh no, pet. Not at all. And it wasn’t that you decided to
‘accidentally’ tripped me on the way back to the bed and fell on top of
me.” Spike arched an eyebrow at his lover.

“I’m not the one who went for the fudge sauce.”

“Really, well, I’m not the one who insisted on finding a whole new use for
the whipped cream, either.”

Xander opened his mouth to continue, then stopped, realizing there was no
way he was going to win. Not if Spike brought up the maraschino cherry
incident.

“Stop it, ow, hurts, ow,” Kat doubled over in laughter. She had returned
to consciousness to find herself alone and thirsty. She headed out to the
kitchen to make some tea only to find them sprawled on the kitchen floor,
laughing hysterically as they smeared the remains of an obvious post-shag
snack all over one another. The sight of it cheered her instantly,
breaking her out of the lingering effects of her grief. It was her one
concession to all she had lost. Every year on his birthday she would get
drunk and allow herself to remember, to feel both the joy and the pain,
the one night that she allowed the memories to run through her. She was
still a little shaky, sharing the sights with Xander had taken a lot out
of her, primarily in keeping her emotions in check. The instant she took
his hands she could feel the depths of his compassion and she knew that
allowing him more than a glimpse of her pain could be too much. Let alone
letting him feel what Angelus had done. She sat back up, wiping the tears
from her eyes, gasping to catch her breath.

“Well, time for you two to get up,” she held up a hand as they both opened
their mouths. “Don’t even start with me. We’re going out.” She hopped
off the bed and sauntered out of the room. “Oh, and Spike, make sure you
find something decent for Xander to wear, no offense, Xan, but, seriously,
have to work on your fashion sense.” She pulled the bedroom door behind
her.

“What’s that supposed to mean,” Xander huffed out as Spike eased out of
bed, reaching back for Xander.

“Pet, please, you know full well what that means.” Spike pressed a quick
kiss to Xander’s lips then led them back to the shower. He was still
stick from the combination of whipped cream, saliva and cum that they had
been too exhausted to clean up from once they basically crawled back to
the bed. “Got just the thing,” he whistled happily as he adjusted the
water. “Do you like silver or black better,” Spike asked, holding up the
small bottles. He pulled Xander into the shower with him and settled him
under the spray.

Xander just began beating his head into the shower wall. “I’m not
painting my nails,” he muttered.

“Of course not, luv.” Spike soothingly replied as he began shampooing
Xander’s hair. “I’ll be doing that.”

Xander just groaned louder.
=========================================================================
“Are you sure about this,” Xander plucked at the shirt yet again. Where
in the world had Spike found this outfit. A tight black silk shirt, sure,
he could see Spike with that. But it was in his size. He knew that, he
was just enough broader through the shoulders that it couldn’t be Spike’s.
And the black pants. Well, they may be tighter than he usually wore,
but, still, they were the right length. There was no mistaking that. He
was a good four inches taller than Spike. “Where did you find these?”

“Kat had ‘em in the closet. Don’t think she would let you out with her
without looking like she wants,” Spike replied, concentrating on painting
Xander’s nail. The silver, a nice contrast with the black clothes.

“Ohh,” there was something about the reply that bothered Xander. He
looked Spike over. Same black jeans, same black t-shirt. Same red shirt.
Same black duster draped over the chair. “Why don’t you have to change? 
And how did she know we were going out tonight?”

“Some looks don’t need changing, luv. And she always goes out the night
after. Should warn you, she’s looking to get a nice little piece tonight.
And it’ll be a boy if I know my Kat. Less fuss and muss that way.” 
Spike lifted one of Xander’s hands to his lips and blew across the nails.

Xander shuddered at the feel of the air on his fingers. They hadn’t
stopped touching all day, as if they were afraid that if they stopped it
might all disappear, as if they were afraid that now that they had what
they wanted they might wake to find it all gone. “Then why are we going
with her,” he managed to get out, right before Spike took a finger in his
mouth.

“Not like she’s going to be leaving with the guy. Quick shag in the john
should do it.” Spike replied, reluctantly removing Xander’s finger from
his mouth. If they started that, they would never leave.

Xander just stared at him, mouth open. “Jesus, Spike, isn’t that a
little,” he stopped. Who was he to judge, he’d picked Brian up, fucked
him and left without a word the next day.

“Debauched,” Spike replied, eyebrow raising. “Kind of the point, mate. 
She does this every year the day after his birthday, at least every year
she’s not with someone. Way to burn it from her mind, little meaningless
sex to bury the memories. And it’s not like anyone can hurt her, so,
what’s the harm.” Spike tugged Xander after him. “Look, she needs this,
so, just let’s go and enjoy.”

“Guys, hurry up, hells, I’m the chick here, remember,” Kat’s voice came to
them as the rounded the corner to the entranceway. Xander’s jaw dropped. 
She was wearing low slung black leather pants, molded to every curve of
her body, a matching black leather halter top just barely covering her
breasts. Her firm stomach was completely exposed. **Hey, those are
Spike’s boots** the giddy thought crossed his mind as he looked her over. 
Her hair was artfully messed and her lips were stained red, blue eyes
burning out from under dark lids.

“Oh, that’s a nice look, Kat. Why not just carry a sign that says ‘fuck
me’, might be a little more subtle.” Spike just shook his head. Whomever
she chose wouldn’t have a chance.

“Don’t feel like being subtle, let’s go.” They headed out the door, Spike
firmly holding Xander’s hand.

========================================================================
They leaned against the rail on the balcony of the Bronze. They had
finally let go of one another when they reached the club, neither quite
ready to deal with the drama if they ran into any of Xander’s friends. 
Instead, they had managed to find a nice crowded corner, compelling them
to lean against one another. If, from time to time, their hands brushed
or they slouched into one another, why it was completely innocent. 
Besides, the frustration of being so close and yet so far was a bit
intoxicating.

“And I thought you were a predator,” Xander sighed out, eyes wide as he
watched Kat. She wound through the bar, chatting here and there with some
poor guy.

“Yes, I know, frightening isn’t it,” Spike took another pull from his
beer, watching Xander out of the corner of his eye. He wondered if the
whelp was moving his hips to the music like that on purpose or if it was
unconscious. Either way, he was glad he was wearing the duster. The not
so little bulge in pants was easier to cover that way. He twitched the
leather slightly, moving it into place. He suddenly felt Xander’s hand on
his arm.

“Nope. Not fair, if I have to stand here for all the world to see so do
you.” Xander just stared at Spike until the vampire glanced down. A
matching bulge was tenting Xander’s pants.

Spike smirked back at him and dropped the duster back. “Right, mate. 
What’s say we go back to leaning on the rail, no need to give everyone a
free show.” They nodded together then turned back, both clearing their
throats slightly as they did so.

“I’m saying the red head over there.” Xander gestured with his bottle. 

“Nope, the tall, artsy guy in the corner.” Spike nodded his head,
returning to the game. At least it was a distraction.

“No, too obvious. Did say a guy, right, otherwise I would say the blonde
over there,” Xander looked down.

“No, it’ll be a guy. And no blondes. Not any shade.” Spike quietly
replied. Xander shot him a quick look then nodded, understanding
completely.

“I’m going with the red head, you get art boy. Twenty bucks.” He reached
out a hand and they shook on it, palms sliding wetly against each other. 
They stared down, each quietly rooting for their guy. Xander let out a
small triumphant cry as they saw her head for the bathrooms about ten
minutes later, red head in tow. He spun to face Spike, leaning in to
whisper in the vampire’s ear.

“Of course, I didn’t say he would be any good. I give it fifteen minutes,
tops and we’re out of here. Better not be any good. Don’t know if I can
hold out much longer. Think she’ll let us make out in the back seat on
the way home.” Spike shivered as the words fell in his ear.

“I’m quite certain of it, luv. Though there’s a lot to be said for
waiting. Had quite the chance to plan on what I’m going to do to you once
we’re alone.” He grinned back at Xander, watching those beautiful eyes
dilate.

“Spike,” Xander groaned out. “That wasn’t nice.”

Now it was Spike’s turn to lean over and whisper. “Don’t worry, Xander,
I’ll make up for it. Promise.” He chanced a quick lick of Xander’s neck
and they both shuddered at the feel.

“Hell, Kat, hate to do this to you, but please, any gods, goddesses,
whatever, please let him be a bad fuck,” Xander prayed out loud, eyes
rolled to heaven.

“Amen to that, luv. Amen to that.” 

They turned to watch the hall to the bathroom, only their shoulders
touching. Any more than that and they would be heading down that hallway
themselves.

Part Nine  

Xander collapsed face first onto his bed, a sigh of pleasure easing from
his lips. He missed his house, missed his bed, his own bed, his own
clothes, his own bathroom. No annoying blond using all the hot water, no
frustrating creature hogging the blankets, no irritating presence hovering
just a few feet away at all times. Xander moaned into his pillow, damn
but he missed Spike already. The only reason he had finally come home was
to try to get some sleep before work the next day. The adrenaline rush of
finally being with Spike was finally burning away and leaving him
exhausted and not a little sore. Sore all over. Xander winced a little
as he curled onto his side. He thought he was in pretty good shape,
pretty great shape, actually, from his job, but he had just spent the last
few days twisting and bending in directions he hadn’t even known his body
could go. Another moan escaped him just thinking about it.

He flopped back onto his bed and tried to resist the urge to call Spike. 
It was pathetic. He was barely halfway down the driveway, reluctantly
leaving the sanctuary of Kat’s home before his cell rang.

“Still think you should let me come with you,” Spike whined in his ear.

“Spike,” Xander tried to keep his voice firm while grinning madly. “The
entire point of my going home to sleep is to sleep. Not to simply go to
bed. There is a difference you know.” He tightened his grip on the
steering wheel. No, no he was not going to turn back. Nope, not him. He
was stronger than that.

“I would have you know that I am perfectly capable of keeping my mitts off
you,” Spike snottily replied. “Been doing it for almost two years now,
haven’t I.”

Xander’s mouth opened slightly at that. “Spike,” he started, then fell
quiet. He and Spike hadn’t really taken that opportunity to talk, too
caught up in the overwhelming sensation of touch to stop to think, to
analyze. There was so much left unsaid, so many things Xander wanted to
ask, wanted to answer. But he wasn’t about to do it without being able to
watch Spike’s face, without peering into those eyes that, if you knew just
how to look, always revealed the truth. Xander slowed, beginning to turn
back. “You know you can’t say something like that without,” his eyes
narrowed as he realized what was going on. “Nice try, mate,” he threw in
a snarl for good measure and was rewarded with Spike’s quick laugh, “still
not coming back.” He turned the wheel and headed back down the road.

“Can’t blame a bloke for trying,” Spike was completely unrepentant. 
“Seriously, luv, come back, fetch me and we’ll toddle off to your place,
I’ll just go sleep in my room,” a long-suffering sigh, “alone, let you be,
maybe just stand in the door, watch a little, maybe just come sit on the
edge of the bed when your eyes slowly open when you wake, maybe lean down
to kiss just along that soft, soft patch of skin below your ear, maybe
nibble ever so slightly on your earlobe,” husky words in his ear and
Xander shuddered slightly, feeling ghostly lips on his skin. He started,
suddenly realizing he had almost reached the turn for the main road
without remembering how he got there.

“Spike,” moaned out. Xander cleared his throat and tried again. “Spike,”
that was better, nice and firm, and, better stop that train of thought
right there, “I am not having phone sex with you while I’m driving. If we
do I’m sure to hit something or someone and I am easily breakable, you do
remember that?”

A short pause, then “Sorry, pet.” So quiet. So sincere. Xander waited,
anticipating the quick barb that was sure to follow. The silence
lengthened slightly and Xander realized that Spike meant it.

“It’s okay, not adverse to the concept of phone sex, just, not while I
have to concentrate on anything else.” Xander hoped Spike would pick up
the unspoken acknowledgment.

“So, you’ll call when you get to the house,” the happy voice made Xander
grin again.

“No.”

“Pet, why not,” back to whining now.

“Have to SLEEP, have to work, do you want me falling off a ladder, what if
I break something, have to be in a cast, laid up in bed but not in the
good way,” Xander teased back.

“Not funny, Xander.” The words were clear and completely serious. “Don’t
even say anything like that.” Was that a little waver, some hint of fear?
Xander nodded, abashed.

“Sorry, not how I meant it. Look, I’ll set my alarm an hour early and
call you then.” He hated waking up early but he had a sneaking suspicion
he was going to hate waking up alone even more.

“Deal. Pleasant dreams, luv.” Xander smiled at the soft words and
snapped the phone shut, tossing it into the backseat, knowing otherwise he
wouldn’t be able to resist the temptation.

But now he was home and now he could call just for a second, just to hear
the sound of Spike’s voice, just to check, make sure it was real, wasn’t
just a dream. Xander groaned even louder and pulled a pillow over his
face. No, going to be stronger than that. He sat up and looked at the
phone, just looked, nothing wrong with just looking. He stared for long
moments then fell back on the bed. No, sleep now, the faster he was
asleep the faster he would wake up again. A quick tug and the clock was
pulled on top of him. Maybe he would just set it for an hour and a half
early. That would still leave him a good six hours of sleep. He closed
his eyes, replaying their every touch in his mind, projecting them on the
screen behind his eyes. If he couldn’t have Spike in his bed, at least he
would have him in his dreams.
=========================================================================
Xander dashed through the door, stripping off his shirt and kicking off
his shoes as soon as he hit the hallway. Work had been both torture and
savior. Savior because it gave him something to concentrate on, something
to lose himself in as the sunlight slowly faded. Torture because he was
away from his lover. He turned the word over again in his mind. “Lover”
Said out loud to make it more real. Spike was his lover. He was Spike’s
lover. Still surreal. Good, no, great, but too perfect to be true. He
tossed the mail on the kitchen table and headed for the phone. Just a
quick call to tell them that he was going to take a quick shower before
heading over. He hit the speed dial and the phone was answered on the
first ring.

“Xander, you better be calling to say you’re on the way over, I’ve had it
with keeping hyper boy occupied. Hells, I even had to spar with him to
keep him sane. Back Spike, no, you can’t talk to him. Don’t you even
reach for the phone. I will bite you, William, don’t you think I won’t”
Xander started laughing when he heard Spike’s quick yelp. “Now, get that
sexy ass of yours over here. I’ll go out and leave you two be for awhile
even. Don’t know how much more of hearing people besides me having sex I
can take.”

“Just grabbing a quick shower, there in a flash.” He didn’t even wait to
say goodbye. He glanced out the window. Still bright out, but only for
about another forty minutes. If he timed it right, the sun would just be
setting when he reached the house and Spike could meet him at the car. He
bounced off, eager to be on his way.

He toweled his hair as he pulled on a pair of jeans with his other hand. 
No sense in wearing boxers, just get in the way. He threw a set of his
work clothes into the duffel bag on the bed. While the sleep had done him
good, he wasn’t about to spend two nights alone. He was going to try to
get Spike to come back with him but still wanted to be prepared if he
ended up staying over instead. He tossed off another quick prayer of
thanks that Kat was going out. Some alone, truly alone time would be very
welcome.

Xander set off for the front door, tossing a quick look around to make
sure everything was fine and secure before leaving. He saw the counter
flashing on his machine and walked over to see how many messages. 15. 
There were 15 messages. He hit play, knowing they must all be from Spike.

“Xander, hey, where are you, wanted to go out tonight, well, give me a
call when you get in,” Willow’s voice called out. Xander rummaged through
the fridge as he listened, grabbing a bottle of water out of the back.

“Xander, just wanted to say hey, you’ve been pretty scarce,” Buffy now. 
He hit the button for the next message. He wasn’t particularly
interested in whatever it was she wanted.

“Xander, where are you,” Willow again. Tap. On to the next message.

“Xan, seriously,” Buffy again. Tap.

“Xander, we, well we are getting a little worried,” Giles now. Tap. 

“Xan,” Tap. “Xander,” Tap. “Come on, staring to get,” Tap. “Please
call,” Tap. “I’m worried,” Tap. “Where are you?” Tap. “Someone said
they saw you at the Bronze, why didn’t you say something?” Tap. “Silver
nail polish, seriously,” Tap.

“Luv, hope you had a good day at work. Now stop listening and get your
arse over here.” There was what he wanted to hear. “You know I hate you
showering without me,” Xander closed his eyes as the last message played. 
He picked up the bag from off the floor and headed for the door.

He jumped back as the pounding started just as his hand turned the knob. 
He automatically opened the door, unable to stop his hand.

“Buffy, what the hell are you doing,” he managed to get out as she
suddenly yanked him out the door, practically throwing him into the yard. 
He stumbled back, taking in the bizarre image of Willow holding a fire
extinguisher, Tara a bucket and Giles a blanket.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Xander just stared at them all at a
complete loss for words.

Buffy stalked over to him, looking confused. “You’re not on fire.”

“What, of course I’m not on fire, did someone tell you the house was on
fire,” Xander turned in a small circle, utterly confused. “Wills, what’s
going on?”

“What’s going on, what’s going on is that you’ve practically disappeared
for the last month, ever since that Kat person showed up. We all tried to
get in touch with you all weekend and you never called any of us back, you
scared the shit out of us, Xander. We thought something happened to you,
that Spike did something to you,” Buffy was right in his face, forcing him
to back across the lawn.

“Buff, calm down, glad to see you care and all, but, overreact much,”
Xander joked, trying to back away. “I was busy,” a quick smile shot
across his face. He watched Buffy just grow more furious at that.

“Yeah, well, you’ve been busy a lot lately. None of us have seen you,
you’re almost never home, when you do decide to show up you act like you
can’t wait to get away, so forgive us all to hell for being worried about
you,” Buffy was relentless, backing him to lean against his truck. “It’s
all since she arrived. I mean, it’s great that Spike finally took off and
isn’t bugging us anymore, but, Xander, what are you doing, are you
spending time with them, what could you be thinking, she’s dangerous.”

“Not to me she’s not,” the words came instantly, his anger finally rising.
“Okay, fine, I’ll admit it, maybe I have been a little distracted lately,
but, gods, Buffy, it’s not like you or Willow or Giles haven’t gotten
involved with stuff and left me hanging before. Christ, I’ve called you
all almost every day, it’s not like I haven’t gone out and done stuff with
you.” He shoved himself off the truck, furious. “So, it’s all right for
the almighty Slayer to have a life, but if Xander gets one, then, well it
must be that some evil thing happened.” He was livid. Who were they to
react like this? When they first went off to college without him, he had
been the one on the periphery, the one forced to make all contact.

“Xander,” Willow’s quiet voice drifted over to where he and Buffy were
glaring at one another. “We just thought that, well, you are a demon
magnet and we thought maybe something happened, we were just concerned is
all.” She tried her best winning smile.

Xander calmed a little when he saw Willow’s face. She did look concerned.
“Wills, I’m sorry I worried you. I was just away for the weekend and
didn’t think to check my messages, sorry, won’t happen again. Now, if
this little intervention thingy is over I have to get going, I’m running
late.” He started to walk around the front of the truck when Buffy
grabbed him again.

“So, just taking off again. Wow, she’s really got you whipped. You
aren’t even going on patrol, not showing up for meetings. Guess you don’t
care if the world ends after all. Thought you were more reliable than
that Xander, guess we were wrong,” Buffy glared at him and he finally
snapped.

“Guilt tripping there, Buffy. Here’s a hint, it works better if you’re
subtle. Besides, I don’t remember anyone calling me Slayer.” Xander
stared straight back at her. She had finally gone too far. “Seems as
best I can recall you are The Chosen One, the one with the superstrength
and all that. I seem to remember just being the one who tagged along. 
Not even any magical powers like Willow, no Watcher training like Giles. 
Nope, just poor little mortal me, throwing his precious body out there
night after night.” His voice rose as the unreality of the situation
struck him. “Not my job to keep the world from ending but I did it, over
and over and over again. I take a few weeks off to spend time with some
new friends and you freak. I seem to recall having to spend months,
Buffy, months, cleaning up the mess you left here when you high tailed it
out of town, just leaving us all here, Hellmouth be damned.” He heard her
sharp intake of breath at that and he leaned forward, moving in for the
kill. “Besides, who said I haven’t been patrolling.” Arms crossing, he
leaned back, seeing the confusion on all their faces.

“Xander, what, whatever do you mean,” Giles quietly asked. Buffy appeared
to be struck dumb by Xander’s words, looking shocked that he had dared to
stand up to her.

“Haven’t you noticed that there’s been a remarkable decline in the uglies
and beasties lately? Didn’t really think it was due to you, do you?” 
Xander felt the cold smile cross his features. “You don’t really think
Spike could go that long without killing something?” He watched as his
words had their desired effect.

“You’ve been going out with Spike, alone, are you insane?” That startled
Buffy out of her trance. “You know he would just leave you there, Xander,
do you have some kind of death wish?”

“Slayer, you better watch your mouth.” The snarl was serious this time. 
“Spike would never do anything to harm me. And, not that it’s any of your
business, we weren’t alone. Kat was with us.”

Even as he looked down, he could see them, could hear the howling cries. 
Every night they went out, taking him with them, only one firm rule. He
could watch but not help. Not that there was any need to help. He
quickly realized that Spike had been holding something back the entire
time he was with them, had kept some savage corner hidden. Not now. They
didn’t patrol, they hunted, that was the only word for it. Just four days
before he stood hidden in the trees as they attacked some terrifying
demon, some beast at least ten feet tall with horns and pinchers and some
kind of venom that shot out of its mouth. They toyed with it, moving in
perfect tandem around and around its body. Then a stream of venom had
splattered at his feet causing him to yelp and jump back. Their heads
turned as one, white and black, yellow eyes and blue with the faintest
flicker of red. They stared at him, heads cocking to the side as they
scented, breathing for him, he could feel it, could feel them sensing if
he was injured. They snapped back as soon as it was obvious he was fine
and all games ended. They tore the beast limb from limb, silent the
entire time, the only sound the guttural cries of the demon. Kat had
finally grown tired of the noise and reached down and yanked out its
throat, tossing the flesh aside. They continued long after it was dead,
shredding the body with nothing more than their hands, flesh and bone and
organs spilling onto the ground until the sound of Xander’s retching came
to their ears. They were at his side in moments, reaching out with hands
still dripping blood. “Xander, pet, luv, sorry, got a little carried
away,” Spike whispered in his ear, firmly circling his waist, holding him
up. “Here, here’s some water,” Kat’s voice murmuring in his other ear as
she dug in the backpack that she had left with him. Xander gratefully
took it and rinsed out his mouth, more than a little embarrassed. “It’s
fine, Xander, let’s go back, didn’t stop to think,” Kat’s soothing voice
as they headed back for the Rover, Spike still supporting his weight. All
this shot before him as he stared down at Buffy.

“You really should be thanking them, you wouldn’t believe some of the
things I’ve seen. So, really, you’ll excuse me all to hell if I ignore
your pathetic attempts at manipulation. I’ve been watching the masters at
work. You should see the two of them try to get the other to do
something.” Xander felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and shot a quick
glance at the sky. If this wasn’t over soon, then Spike would be showing
up here and that would not go well. “I have to go. I’m expected
somewhere.”

Buffy grabbed his arm again as he tried to get past her. “Xander, you
have no idea what you’re doing. You don’t know what’s going on, she’s
dangerous. Xander, we’ve done some checking and you have no idea some of
the things she’s done. Angel called,”

Xander went white at the sound of the vampire’s name. “Buffy, shut the
fuck up.”

“No, you have to hear this, you’re acting possessed or something,
seriously, Xander, Angel called and said that she’s dangerous, told Giles
she was after him for something, vowed revenge,” Buffy prattled on,
ignoring the dangerous gleam in Xander’s eye.

“Buffy, I said shut the fuck up.” The words were hissed out in an attempt
not to scream. His neighbors were already watching the odd scene and he
knew it wouldn’t take much more for the police to be called. “Don’t you
ever say that motherfucker’s name to me again, don’t you dare. And you
better hope I don’t see him any time soon or he’ll be dust.” Buffy took
an involuntary step back at that and Xander dodged around her, leaping
into the truck. “Willow, I’ll call you tomorrow I promise. Now, get off
my lawn.” He peeled down the street, concentrating fiercely on driving. 
He felt his phone vibrating again and he pulled over, hands shaking too
badly to talk and drive at the same time. He kept a wary eye on the
rearview mirror, watching to see if he was followed.

“Xander, luv, where are you, supposed to be here, what did you get lost”
he heard the worry underneath the mocking.

“Had a run in with the Slayer and her gang,” he started, then choked up.
His friends, they were supposed to be his friends.

“Where are you, coming to get you, did they do anything,” the growling
came through clearly.

“No, don’t, just make it worse, on my way there, fuck,” he swore, seeing
lights come around the corner. “I’ve got to go, don’t want them
following, there soon, don’t worry.” He hung up and pulled back out. He
let out a sigh. It wasn’t them. He sped down the street, focusing only
on getting there in one piece.

He pulled to as stop as he saw the slim figures standing in the middle of
the driveway, the headlights picking out the pale features. Spike was
staring down the road, obviously waiting for him and Kat looked for all
the world like she was standing guard. Xander slammed on the brakes and
Spike was at the door immediately.

“Luv, you fine, did they hurt you.” Hands roamed over his entire body,
shaking slightly.

“No, just, got in a huge fight, they showed up at the house, they left a
bunch of messages I didn’t return and they freaked out. Thought you
turned me.” He had finally figured that out on the drive over. “Tried to
make me feel bad that I wasn’t patrolling with them, tried to tell me you
would hurt me.” The growling rolled over him and he realized it was
coming from both Spike and Kat.

“Fucking idiots, never hurt you,” Spike pulled Xander closer. “You know
that, Xander, I would never hurt you.”

“Of course, known for awhile,” Xander muttered into Spike’s shoulder. 
“Can we just go inside now.”

“Of course, pet. Mistress, you coming inside?” Spike’s eyes met hers
over Xander’s shoulder.

“No, you go. I’m going to stay out tonight.” Kat stared straight back. 
They were close, she could feel them. A faint smile crossed her face. 
Like anyone could find the house if she didn’t want them to. Still, never
know what might come crawling out of the woodwork. If Xander had been
alone, well, he would have been attacked long before now, his agony was
ringing through her bones and she knew that every supernatural being
within a few miles would be gunning to take it as their own. “You just go
to back to the house. Be sure to lock the door.” Spike nodded as he
bundled Xander into the truck.
========================================================================
Kat stood there, breathing slowly, letting them surround her. They were
growing bolder and bolder as the night wore on. She had moved ever closer
to the house, drawing them with her, wanting to take them in a group. She
needed the release, needed to do something, anything to keep from going
after Xander’s friends, from destroying them for causing a moment’s pain
to that which was precious to her. She felt the circle close as she
stepped into the faint pool of light coming from the windows banking the
front of the house. She felt the first of the vampires move towards her
and she dropped to her knees, throwing her arms wide. The light blazed
out from her, rippling in the dark air, destroying everything in its path,
the crack heard for miles away. The air filled with clouds of dust,
coating her in ash.

“What was that,” Xander sat straight up in bed, heart pounding. He felt
something rip through him, an overwhelming surge of grief and rage.

“Nothing you need worry about,” Spike pulled Xander back down. “Shh,
quiet, sleep.” He gently stroked Xander’s hair, trying to slow the
pounding of Xander’s heart. “Sleep now,” he commanded as Xander’s eyes
closed. He cradled the human in his arms, curling his body protectively
around the golden flesh.

==========================================================================
Two months later

“Damn it,” Xander hollered, tossing the tie at the mirror for the
twentieth time. “Why can’t I just wear a clip on.”

“Want me to do it,” Spike gently asked, leaning in the door of the
bathroom. Xander automatically looked in the mirror, still a little
disconcerted that he couldn’t see his lover behind him. He turned around,
holding the tie in his hand, “Please, how do you do it if you can’t see,” 
His breath caught in his throat. Spike lounged in the door, clad in a
perfectly fitted tuxedo, looking like he had been born to wear the
clothes. Xander just stared, the fabric slipping from his fingers. A
slow smile crossed Spike’s face and he just stared back.

“Spike, whoa, you look,” Xander cleared his throat, “You look amazing.” 

Spike bent down to pick up the tie and Xander shuddered watching the
muscles play under the rich fabric. “Not looking too shabby yourself,
mate. How did we ever get talked into this?” Spike looped the tie around
Xander’s neck and then began expertly tying it into a bow.

“Don’t know. Didn’t want to piss her off,” Xander whispered, watching the
look of concentration on Spike’s face.

“Mmmm, always a good reason, that. There, perfect.” The word was said
reverently as Spike reached a hand and ran a thumb along Xander’s cheek,
“Absolutely bloody amazing.” He leaned up for a quick kiss and Xander’s
arms automatically came around his waist. They leaned into each other,
passion thrumming through them.

“Stop it,” a hand whapped the back of Spike’s head, clanking their teeth
together.

“Oww,” they bellowed out as Kat stomped into the room. 

“We have to leave in the next five minutes to make it in time. Are you
two ready yet, Christ, you’ve been in here all day.” She rolled her eyes
at them. If they started this up they would never leave.

“Yes, mommy,” they called out, sticking their tongues out at her. She
just sighed.

“Can someone hook this damn thing,” she turned her back, holding the
necklace to her throat and Spike reluctantly peeled away from Xander to
gently work the clasp. “So, what do you think,” she asked as she twirled
around.

Low whistles greeted her. It wasn’t what she was wearing that was
remarkable, it was a simple low cut black dress, floor length, slit nearly
to the waist. It was the necklace. Drops of rubies cascaded down her
neck, curling from the top of her spine to dip between her breasts,
balanced on the thinnest of platinum wire. It looked like drops of blood
trickling down her skin. Matching bands wound up her arms and small drops
hung from her ears.

“I’ll take it that you like. Let’s go. Limo’s waiting. And, remember
our deal.” The deal was simple. If they could get to the museum with a
minimum of groping, if they could act civilized at the gala, if they only
disappeared once for about twenty minutes, then she wouldn’t strap them to
the beds. To the separate beds. In separate rooms. Where they couldn’t
see each other. For the entire weekend.

“Yes, mommy,” once again as she herded them out the door. Xander grabbed
Spike’s hand, sighing contentedly. A whole weekend away. Away in L.A. 
He grinned as he chanted the words in his head. Away in L.A. Away in
L.A. A whole weekend away. In L.A. In Beverly Hills. Going to a gala. 
With Spike. With Spike in a TUXEDO. Oh yeah, all was definitely well in
Xanderland.

The limo finally pulled to a stop in front of the museum and Xander and
Spike got out, then reached back to help Kat exit. They stopped, looking
out at the banners strung just inside the entranceway.

The Traxler Collection

It had taken all of Kat’s considerable diplomatic skills to ensure that
merely that simple title graced her donation. No flowery words, nothing
else, just that. An eternal monument to Cassandra. After all the Getty
would never hang Cassie’s work, couldn’t by terms of the bequest, nothing
after 1900. So, instead, she had ruthlessly pared through her collection,
choosing those works that Cassie admired most and those that reminded her
most of her love. It gave her something to do during the long nights when
Cassie was in hospital. The arrangements for the donation had been made
from the plane on her trip over. Cassie had always complained that such
beauty should not be kept just for them. Now, now Cassie’s favorites
would be seen by all.

Xander drank it all in, soaking up every image he could see. He couldn’t
believe he was here, couldn’t believe the pride in Kat’s voice as she
introduced him. “Oh, Xander, this is,” whoever, some rich, famous,
prominent person. “This is Xander.” As if they should know who he was,
as if they should assume that he, too, was rich and important, educated
and erudite. Spike simply watched him, an amused arch to his eyebrow as
Xander wandered off, drawn to the magic on the walls. Xander looked up
suddenly, finally noticing where he had stopped. He stepped forward,
enraptured.

“Corregio,” worship in his voice. 

“Ah, another fancier,” a voice at his elbow and he turned to the voice. 
“Oh, yes, just, well, see how the interplay of light and shadow, there,”
he gestured carefully with the flute in his hand, “creates the effect that
the sky is actually glowing. I know most people prefer Titian or Rubens,
but, this, this is so spectacular, I mean, you can see the very earliest
seeds of Impressionism.”

Spike watched him from across the room, clearly hearing the low voice,
picking it out from the crowd. He has so beautiful like this, all his
potential laid out bare. He wondered if Xander even realized that he was
talking to one of the world’s foremost Renaissance art historians, was
arguing influences and interpretations and easily holding his own. Come
hell or high water he was getting him to attend university, to feed that
hungry mind. If he had his way they were going to Italy for a few months
first, take the tour, see the works in person.

“Lovely, isn’t he,” Kat took Spike’s hand, watching him watch his lover. 
Spike just squeezed a reply. “Have to go do my little speech thing, try
not to sneak off to a corner to make out.” She let go and headed to the
small podium. Spike sauntered over to Xander, placing a proprietary hand
on his shoulder.

“She’s going to be speaking soon, pet.” Spike didn’t move any closer, but
the possessive tone in his voice got his message through loud and clear. 
His lips quirked again. He truly doubted that Xander even realized that
he was being cruised. They moved across the room, wanting to be able to
see her as she spoke.
=========================================================================

“I still don’t see why I have to go to this,” Angel growled out, handing
the keys to the valet. He hated getting all dressed up, didn’t understand
why they had to be here. Sure, he loved art as much as the next person,
but, still, this was a bit much.

“Because I said so. Because somehow we got invited. Because I have a new
dress. Because it’s good for business. Because I can meet a higher class
of people. Because it’s good for you.” Cordelia brusquely informed him
as they moved into the entranceway. “Just be glad that I made sure we
would show up after the speeches.” She smoothed her hands down the skirt
of her dress. Like she was going to give up a chance to hobnob with some
of the richest people on the West Coast. This gala was going to be one of
the social events of the year and she blessed whatever miracle led to
Angel’s invitation. “Shut up, look pretty, don’t kill anyone and don’t
embarrass me.” Cordelia pasted her best beauty queen smile on her face
and promptly left him on his own as she scouted out the room.

Angel sighed wearily. He knew of all her instructions it was the last
that was the most important to her. He moved slowly around the room,
gazing up at the paintings. They were spectacular, he grudgingly had to
admit. Particularly that Rubens, now, why did it look so familiar. His
brow crinkled in thought as he tried to place the memory. This, this he
had seen before. Not in a museum though, hanging on someone’s wall. The
memory dodged and twisted in his mind and he took another step closer.

He felt a touch on his arm and he turned slightly, feeling a cool glass
being pressed into his hand. He finally tore his eyes of the painting to
see who wanted him, assuming it was Cordelia.

“Cordy, what do you want?” Only vampire reflexes allowed him to catch the
glass before it hit the floor as it slipped from his nerveless fingers.

“Why, hello, Angelus, long time no see.” The voice of his destruction
rang in his ears.

Katarina just smiled up at him, bathing in the terror on his face.

Part Ten  

His lips had gone white. Katarina took a small sip from the flute in her
hand, vaguely registering that for once they had used good champagne. His
lips were white, he was about to crush the glass in his hand and his eyes
were darting around, desperately seeking some place, any place he could
flee. She smiled coldly and took another small step forward, trapping
Angel against the wall.

“Mistress,” the word fell from cold lips as he stared down. He wanted to
run, to flee, to be anywhere but trapped here, unable to look away now
that she had captured his gaze.

“You’re looking well, Angelus,” she purred out, a small hand caressing
down the lapels of his jacket. “I should have known that Xander’s beauty
queen would make sure you were properly turned out. Always could fill out
a jacket just right.” The gentle caresses continued, and anyone looking
over would assume that she was flirting with him.

His mind reeled as her words penetrated his mind. “Xander, how do you
know,” he never got to finish the sentence. She simply took a step back
and tilted her head behind her.

“Why don’t you see for yourself?” She stared into his face and watched as
his eyes moved from hers to stare over her shoulder.

Xander and Spike were twined together in a corner, just leaning into each
other, arms wrapped around the other’s waist, heads leaning on each
other’s shoulder. It looked almost as if they were dancing to music only
they could hear. They were a stunning sight, framed between a Caravaggio
and a Fragonard, looking as if they had been placed there to bring the
beauty on the walls into reality. Even in his panic he couldn’t help but
feel the erotic shock of it. His childe wrapped around the golden boy
Angel had longed for but known he could never have.

“Spike and Xander,” sighed out. He wrenched his head back down to stare
at her once again. “If he turns Xander,” he couldn’t stop, couldn’t
believe that he was daring to threaten her. He tried to take a step back
as the flames flared in her eyes but was stopped by the wall at his back.

“You threaten me. Angelus, surely you have learned the futility of such
an action by now.” Her voice was pitched quiet and low, the steel of her
words cloaked in a veneer of civility. “Not that it is any of your
concern, but, no, William has not turned him. He will not turn him. He
would never turn him.”

“The chip,” Angel nodded briefly. “What happens when you remove the
chip?”

Low laughter reached his ears and he relaxed ever so slightly. Whatever
her game was, she hadn’t just staked him on sight and he was beginning to
suspect that she was not going to do so. It was much too public a place
for that.

“Do you think the chip matters? You know Spike’s capacity for pain, you
are the one who gave him that after all.” She paused for another small
sip of champagne. “No, Spike loves him, would never hurt him, even if it
means losing him. Surely you remember that feeling, loving a human so
much that you would rather walk into the sun then harm them?”

Angel slowly lowered his head back down, trapped by the sound of her voice
and the weight of his memories.

“Oh, Angel,” she emphasized his name, reminding him who and what he now
was. “I’ve met your little Slayer. Can see why you would like her, the
darkness dancing there along with the light. And not terribly
unattractive. I think she is much too bony but you always did like that
didn’t you, liked to feel that you could crush your lover if you so
desired. Personally, I wouldn’t fuck her to save the world.”

He felt her hand reach up to caress his cheek. “So, Angel, always wanted
to ask you, just exactly when did you feel your soul leave? Was it when
you first kissed her, first felt her open those virgin thighs under your
hand? Were you gentle and kind or rough and firm? Did you prepare her,
stretch with your fingers first or did you just plunge in? Could you
taste the fear on her skin? You know, no matter how much she wanted it,
no matter how wet you made her, she had to know that it would hurt. Was
that the moment of perfect happiness, licking her love and fear off her
skin?” He couldn’t stop, couldn’t turn, her hand had him pinned there,
tiny crackles of blue flame under her fingers, tracing down his face.

“No, no that wasn’t it, was it?” Her voice dropped down, a silky
seductive purr. “No, I know just when it was. It was when you pressed
into her, the heat burning you, tearing through you, reminding you what is
was like to walk in the sun. And then, then as you pressed through that
barrier, as you felt the blood drip down your cock, when you knew that you
had marked her more truly than any bite ever could, that was it, that was
when you were perfectly happy. Not because you felt her love, because you
felt her surrender, because you, you of the Order of Aurelius, the mortal
enemy of all Slayers, you, the childe of Darla who was the childe of the
Master, you, the Scourge of Europe, you had taken her virginity, your
seed, vampire seed was the first to fill her womb. That was what made
you perfectly happy, the love and surrender mingled as one.” A single
finger moved to trace the shape of his lips. “And then, then, when you
were returned to yourself, when you were Angelus once more, then you
continued to thrust into her, continued to take her, continued to murmur
endearments and love into her ear, continued to feel the Slayer’s heat,
knowing that she would stake you if she knew, knowing that this, this was
the ultimate betrayal. I bet it was the best orgasm of your existence,
the strongest, the most true, the one you curse yourself for remembering
now that you are reduced to memory, reduced to only bringing yourself
relief.” He shuddered as she stepped back, releasing his flesh from her
touch.

“But I didn’t send you the invitation in order to take a stroll down
memory lane.” Her voice was pleasant now, as if they were discussing the
stock market or the weather. “I sent you the invitation so that I might
give you a warning. I have returned to Sunnydale to stay. My childe
needs me here, so I will remain.” She felt their presence as Spike and
Xander moved to flank her, Spike to her right and Xander to her left. She
quirked an eyebrow at the expression on Angel’s face. “Yes, William is my
childe now.” She reached down, took Spike’s hand and raised it to her
mouth. A strong pull of his index finger across her teeth and the blood
welled out, coating her lips. She reached up, swiped a finger along the
blood then smeared it on Angel’s lips. “That’s right, taste him. Know
the truth, he is mine, he is no longer yours. He was never truly yours.”

Angel’s tongue unconsciously came out, licking off the trace of blood. 
His eyes closed and his head dropped as he tasted the truth. His essence
was no longer in Spike’s blood, he no longer flowed through Spike’s veins.
The brand of ownership he had thrust into Spike’s body was gone. 
Instead, Spike was free, he tasted only of himself, only of freedom and
passion and purity, the purity that Angelus had never been able to drive
from him.

“Listen well, Angelus. I am returned to stay. William has taken
Alexander as his own. If he is my childe’s, then he is mine, under my
protection. Whatever partial truth it was that you told the Watcher that
made them think I was a danger to Alexander has already led them to cause
him pain. This will never happen again. Should they do anything to harm
him, anything at all, any pain of any kind, then they will face my wrath.”
She stepped forward once again. “The only reason that I have not yet
avenged my childe for the way the treated him is that it will cause
Alexander pain. I will not allow that to occur. Mark my words. I will
not hesitate for a moment to declare war. Remember, all that was yours
shall be mine.” She leaned up and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Pleasant
dreams, Angel. Hope your memories don’t haunt you.” She turned her back
and walked away, head held high, smiling as she greeted someone she knew.

Spike immediately turned and grasped Xander’s wrists, needing all his
strength to retrain the furious human. “No, Xander, no, you can’t do
this, not here, if she wanted him to be dust, she would do it herself,
it’s hers to do,” Spike muttered, trying to calm his lover.

“Deadboy. Knew I should have staked you a long time ago.” Xander stared
straight into Angel’s eyes, no longer slouching, no longer feeling
inferior to the vampire. “It’s a good thing that Spike is with me. If we
were alone, you would be dust by now. You disgust me. I know what you
did, I know what you are. I know her revenge. I think she is being
merciful. If I had my way, I would make it last forever. Hells, I’m
tempted to ask her to remove Spike’s chip and let him turn me just so that
I could torture you forever.” He managed to suddenly twist free and he
instantly moved closer. Angel felt the tip of a spike press into his
chest. “Yes, you’re quite lucky that my lover doesn’t want you dead. Not
that I understand why, I should dust you just for what you’ve done to him.
But maybe it is better this way, let you live with what you’ve done.” 
Xander stepped back, then leaned down and kissed Spike, gentle and slow. 
He looked back up, capturing Angel’s gaze. “You have no idea what you’ve
lost, do you? Well, just so you know, Katarina isn’t the only one with a
warning. If you do anything to harm her, then I will tell them all what
you’ve done.” A vicious grin crossed Xander’s face. “Spike and Kat might
not let me kill you but I’m sure that Buffy would stake you in a second. 
Good night Angelus, I too hope you have pleasant dreams. Let’s go, Spike.
I can’t stand to look at this filth anymore.” Spike nodded once and they
turned, stalking after Katarina, moving in tandem, their strides evenly
matched.

Angel collapsed against the wall, a shaky hand running across his face. 
The truth of her words rang in his ears. She was right, right about
everything. The weight of his memories crashed into him and he stumbled
out the door and into the night, all the pain he had locked away burning
into him once more.
=========================================================================

Spike trailed behind her as she walked slowly into her room. They had
remained at the gala for another hour or so after Angel had fled, the only
evidence that anything was wrong was the slight shaking of her hands. He
was concerned, deeply concerned. He found it impossible to believe that
she could be dealing with seeing Angelus again so easily.

“Spike, can you unhook this,” the quiet words shook him out of his reverie
and he nodded, moving over to undo the necklace. His fingers brushed the
back of her neck as she held her hair off her neck and he glanced up, eyes
going wide. The banding on her neck was burning red, hot to the touch. 
He felt her begin to shake, saw the lights in the room begin to flicker,
felt the faint tremor run through the building.

“Mistress,” his hands went to her shoulders as he felt her tense, trying
to retain control. Her head slowly bowed and he could smell the tears as
they began to run down her face, smoking slightly as they hit the ground.

“Spike. Get Xander. We’re going to the beach.” Her voice trembled and
her hands clenched but she held onto her control by the slimmest of
margins.

“Of course,” he dropped a quick kiss to her shoulder then went to collect
Xander. He found Xander lying flat on his back on the bed, his tie pulled
off and dangling in his hand. Other than that, he was still fully
clothed. Spike reached down a hand and stroked it down his arm.

“Luv, get changed. We’re going to the beach with Kat.” He turned and
grabbed his clothes out of the wardrobe and paced for the bathroom, not
wanting to be distracted by the vision of Xander undressing, knowing that
they needed to get her out of here as soon as possible, knowing that she
was slowly going mad. He changed quickly and returned to their room,
seeing that Xander was changed as well. They headed back to Kat’s room,
silent, neither wanting to be the first to speak, afraid of what would be
said, of whether speaking would only release rage neither could control. 
They entered her room and came to a dead stop.

She was leaning over the bed, clad in black leggings and a huge black
sweatshirt. She had washed her face and the normal paleness of her skin
was even more a shock compared to the perfect presentation she had
presented just moments before. That, however, was not what caused them
to pause. It was the case on the bed that scared them both. She was
leaning over a small gun case, the light of the bedside lamp faintly
outlining the matte black of the gun. She lifted it out of the case,
checking to see that the barrel was clear, then sliding in a clip with a
quiet click. She turned and handed the gun to Spike.

“No.” Spike’s voice shook. “No, Mistress, please don’t ask me to do
this,” he was pleading, his eyes going dark.

“Yes. I need this. Please, Spike,” Kat just stared back. “Spike, you
have to do this, I’m not sure how much longer I can hold on,” another
slight tremor ran through the building, knocking the pictures from the
wall. “We’ll go to the bungalow. No one will be there, it will be safe. 
There’s water right there, you’ll be fine, please, Spike. Please.” A sob
escaped at that and she looked Spike dead in the eye, agony written on her
face.

Spike just nodded and her shoulders slumped as she exhaled. She grabbed a
small bag and they went out the door, confusion clear on Xander’s face. 
He remained silent as they made their way down to the lobby, as the valet
brought around the Rover, as Spike took the keys and began to drive. He
remained silent as they drove, the only words exchanged were Kat’s quiet
directions. They finally pulled down a dusty road, bumping down the ruts.
It was obvious that no one had been this way in a long, long time. They
stopped at a rusty gate, Kat climbing down and pulling a key from her
pocket. The lock gave way with a rusty groan and she pulled the gate
open, letting Spike pull forward, then closing the gate once again. She
jumped back in and they continued over a low rise, finally coming to a
stop before a small cottage. They got out, Kat unlocking the doors,
moving straight to the kitchen and turning on the taps. A gurgle and a
sputter and the water began to flow. She grabbed a large pot from under
the sink and set it to fill, adjusting the taps so the water was warm. 
She moved through the small living room and into the bathroom, Spike and
Xander trailing behind. She turned on the taps in the shower, watching
the water come out. When she was satisfied that the water was flowing
freely, she returned to the kitchen. The pot was nearly full and she
turned the water off.

“Xander, can you carry that, please?” The words broke through the silence
and Xander quickly lifted the pot from the sink, surprised at just how
heavy it was. They made their way out the back door, Kat dropped the bag
on the patio and then they headed down the sand to stand by the ocean. 
The waves crashed high here and she came to a stop just above the tidal
mark.

“Xander, please put that down. Thank you.” She moved over and took his
hands. “Xander, do you remember when I said that nothing could destroy
me?” Xander just nodded. He wasn’t sure just what was happening, but he
was afraid. He could feel something in the air, something desperate,
something dangerous, something barely under control. “Xander, this is
important. I know you won’t understand, but Spike is about to give me a
gift, something precious that I cannot give myself. But it’s very
dangerous for him. You’ll have about five seconds to either dump that
water over him or toss him in the ocean. You have to get all my blood off
him immediately or it will burn him very badly. Can you do that for me?” 
His eyes grew wide but he just nodded. “Good. Now, remember, I’m asking
him to do this. It will be fine. I’ll be back, it might take a little
while but I will be back.” She smiled wanly at him. “I know you’ll take
care of my childe.” She stepped away and turned back to Spike.

“Mistress, please, there has to be some other way,” he begged. The gun
was heavy in his hand as it rested along his leg.

“No, there’s not. William, thank you. I’ll do my best to protect you.” 
She placed her hands on his chest and a faint glow surrounded him. She
turned her back to him and took another step towards the ocean. Spike
moved to stand directly behind her, eyes shadowed. “Xander, you might
want to step back. Those are hollow points and this is going to get a bit
messy.” Xander quickly complied, understanding finally dawning on his
face.

Katarina turned her face to the sky, silent for a moment. She let out a
sigh then stared straight ahead as she began to speak. “I want peace. I
want quiet. I want the constant ache to be gone, just for a moment.” Her
voice grew louder as her hands began to quiver. “I want to feel his touch
on my skin. I want to hear his voice in my ear. I want to see the look
in his eye as he tells me he loves me.” Her hands clenched into fists as
she began to scream. “I want to kiss him just one last time. I want him
back with me.” The scream was drowned by the crack of the pistol as Spike
raised his arm, placed the muzzle against the back of her skull and pulled
the trigger. Xander jumped back as her head exploded, a mist of blood and
skull and brain bursting into the night air. Her body crumpled to the
ground, blood streaming from what was left of her face.

Xander was shocked into inaction for just a second, then heard the animal
scream come from Spike. He registered that Spike was coated in her blood
as he grabbed the pot, dumping it over Spike’s head. The screaming
continued and Xander realized that the water wasn’t enough as he saw the
smoke rising from Spike’s body. He grabbed the vampire and threw him into
the ocean, flinching as he heard the shrieking reach a higher pitch,
aching as it suddenly struck him how much the salt must hurt the burns. 
He pulled Spike out of the water and cradled him in his arms, running his
hands along Spike’s face.

“Spike, can you talk, you okay,” Xander couldn’t look over, couldn’t bear
to see the crumpled body, couldn’t watch the stain of red spread on the
sand. He scooted them over, keeping his body between Spike and the blood
that continued to pour from her body.

“Will be,” Spike hissed from clenched teeth. He slowly pushed his way up
until he was sitting on the sand. Burns trailed down the side of his face
and along his hands, but they didn’t look that bad and they were already
beginning to heal. “Thanks, mate.”

Xander nodded, not taking his eyes from Spike’s face. “What the fuck was
that?”

Spike glanced over. Her body was motionless, her head basically gone. 
“She needed to die for a little while. Only way she can get away.”

“I thought she couldn’t die,” Xander stared into his eyes, still refusing
to look over.

Spike stared at him. He thought that Xander would be more frantic, that
Xander would think, hells, he didn’t know what he thought Xander would
think. He just never thought that Xander would take this so calmly. “She
doesn’t really die. She’ll, she’ll be back soon,” Spike tried to turn,
tried to reach out a hand for her. “She’ll be right back.”

Xander yanked Spike’s hand away. Blood coated her from shoulders to feet.
“No, Spike, don’t.” He took Spike’s hands in his own and he turned to
face her body, forcing himself to look. His stomach turned, but he
managed to fight the bile back. “How, how long?”

“Usually just a few minutes,” Spike stared at the body, trying to will her
to move.

“Does she do this often?” Xander clutched Spike’s hands, trying to remain
brave.

“No, only when she thinks that she might lose control. Be bad if she did,
you felt those tremors, right. Well, think what would happen if she ever
let go.” Spike leaned closer, the scent of her blood moving through him. 
“Please, Kat, come back. Please.”

They sat and waited, the minutes ticking by. Five. Ten. Fifteen. Spike
began to shake. “She’s never been gone this long. What if, what if she
doesn’t come back?” He reached out again, desperate to touch her. 
“Mistress, don’t leave me.” His hands fluttered hopelessly, unable to
touch, unable to bring her back to him.

Xander moved to sit between Spike and Kat’s body. “Spike, Spike, give me
your hand.” Spike automatically did so and Xander gripped it tightly. He
reached over and lifted up Kat’s left hand, feeling the coldness of death
in both his palms. He closed his eyes, trying to let Spike’s strength run
through him and into her. He gasped as he suddenly felt himself fall down
a hole in his mind.

Faster and faster he fell, the emotions wrenching through him. It was as
if he was running through endless corridors, doors open on either side,
allowing him tantalizing glimpses of memory. He could hear Spike calling
in his mind, could feel Kat running just ahead of them.

“Mistress, Mistress, wait,” Spike’s voice sounded out, the call echoing
down the halls.

Katarina just kept running, turning her head slightly to answer. “Can’t. 
Have to find him, I’ll be back, I promise, you know I won’t leave you.” 
The words stretched out as Xander turned a corner, chasing after them
both. He stumbled a little, tripping over his feet. He lurched into one
of the rooms and suddenly the memory wrenched into him.

Katarina held a stake to Angelus’s chest. Spike lay on the ground at her
feet, naked, blood pouring from the whip marks cut into his back, the
flesh flayed open to the bone, the white of his spine clearly showing.

“If you ever take him against his will again, you will answer to me.” Her
eyes glittered in the dark.

Angelus growled at those words. “You gave him to me, made me his Sire. I
can take him if I please.” He yelped as the tip of the spike began to
press into his flesh.

“No. You may not. You may be his Sire by gift but you are not by right. 
Should I ever see a mark on him that he did not wish you to place there,
should he ever tell me that you harmed him like this again, your life is
forfeit.” She reached a hand down and suddenly Spike sat up, his skin
once again whole. She turned and left the room.

Xander pushed himself off the floor of the room, listening for her
footsteps. He could feel Spike running ahead of him, could feel Kat just
out of Spike’s reach. He had to catch them, had to draw her out of this
place, wherever this was. He staggered back into the hallway, trying to
clear his mind. He stood still, then listened closely. The hallway
branched left and right and he paused, confused. The echoes made it
nearly impossible for him to tell which way she had gone. He turned
right, when in doubt, remembering the secret of the minotaur’s maze,
right, always turn right. He ran down the hallway, desperate to find her.
The hallway abruptly ended and he crashed through yet another door.

Spike stood leaning against the wall of a house, hand slowly rising up and
down, shaking as he smoked. Xander could feel Dru inside the house, feel
her fucking someone, something else. He watched as Kat suddenly emerged
from the fog. Spike just smiled grimly as she approached.

“Took you bloody well long enough, thought you were never going to come
for us. Well, Dru’s in there with a Pkatha demon, do me a favor, luv,
wait until they’re done. Want to kill him before you stake us.” The
bitterness cut to Xander’s bones and he wanted nothing more than to take
Spike into his arms and soothe away the hurt.

Kat just shook her head. “Come with me. I’m not going to stake you.” 
Spike pushed off the wall and followed her. Suddenly, the scene shifted
and they were inside a large bedroom, sitting on a couch in front of a
fire.

“Please, Mistress, stake me now. Deserve it, you know. Part of his
family, you have every right to take revenge.” Spike’s resigned voice was
cold. “Can’t stand it any longer, lost everything. Dru doesn’t want me,
she just wants her Daddy, she couldn’t understand how things were. Then
we met him in China and she saw what he was and she blames me, blames me
for telling you. Thinks you wouldn’t have found him without me. Found
her revenge. Won’t leave me, just keeps running off and making me follow
her.” Spike turned to face her, desperation on his face. “Please, just
stake me, can’t stand it, can’t take being alone.”

Kat just took his hand, stroking the pale fingers. “I know. I know what
it’s like to be truly alone.” They sat there for a moment, quiet, until
Spike abruptly whirled to face her.

“Make me yours.” The words rang out.

“What?” Kat replied, pulling away.

“Make me yours. Mistress, you have always treated me more like family
than they ever did. You are the only one who has ever shown care for me. 
Make me yours.” Spike dropped to his knees, begging, beyond any shame.

“William,” Kat’s voice shook as she stroked his hair. “William, are you
sure? You know that once this is done there can be no going back, that
you will be eternally mine, that you will live only at my will, that you
must do whatever I ask, that you will be mine to command.”

Spike simply nodded, his head buried in her lap. “I know.”

Her fingers clenched harder in his hair. “You would stake Dru for me.” 

“Yes, Mistress,” Spike replied meekly. 

“You would drink from rats for me,” Kat continued, her voice vicious and
cold.

“Yes, Mistress,” Spike answered, pulling back and dropping his eyes to the
floor.

“You would walk in the sun for me, you would drink holy water for me,” the
questions were relentless.

“Yes, Mistress,” Spike shuddered at the words, but truth rang in his
voice.

She reached down and tilted his head back with one finger under his chin. 
“You know I would never ask you to do those things,” she gently asked,
dropping a quick kiss on his forehead. “Are you sure?” Spike just nodded
and a smile lit her face. “Then come with me,” she stood pulling him
behind her. “I want you to be mine as well. I have wanted that for a
long time.”

Xander shuddered, feeling the sensations running through him. Spike
cradled her hands in his face, their bodies moving as one, eyes open and
locked on one another. He thrust down, she pushed up, the rhythm sure and
strong. They surged together, her mouth locked on his throat, her hand
pressed over his left eye. He felt his climax hit, felt her bite down,
felt his throat part under her touch, felt his blood pour into her mouth. 
She spasmed around him and he bent down, licking his taste from her mouth.

“Flesh of my flesh,” the strong words echoed in the room.

“Blood of my blood,” he replied, collapsing on top of her, feeling the
scar burn into his flesh.

Xander could feel everything Spike felt, could feel as a part of Spike
became a part of her, could feel the unity, the completion, the bond that
could never be broken, deeper than blood, more pure than anything he had
ever imagined. Longing tore into him. He wanted that union, wanted to
feel what Spike felt, wanted to be part of her as she was part of Spike,
wanted to be part of Spike, wanted them both inside his mind. He stayed
still for long moments, simply watching this vision.

He was yanked away when he heard Spike’s desperate cry echo down the hall.
“Katarina, no, where are you, come back.” Xander turned and dashed down
the hall, running at full speed, terror ripping through him. Spike was
scared. Spike was never scared. He ran faster, trying to catch up to the
faint figures appearing before him. He could just make out the glimmer of
Spike’s hair. But the faster he ran, the further away they grew. He let
out a scream of despair, stopping dead in his tracks. He would never find
them, could never find them, they would be lost here forever, chasing
around and around, trying to find their way back home. He dropped to his
knees, tears running down his face. Alone, he was going to be left truly
alone. He had thought he was alone before, thought that no one understood
him. But now, now he had experienced a taste of what could be, had been
given a glimpse into what it was like to truly be loved, truly be
accepted. And he was going to lose it forever.

“Alexander, shh, don’t worry, it’s not like that, come with me, come see
what William has given me,” her voice caressed its way into his mind. 
Gentle fingers wiped away his tears and he looked up to see her crouched
next to him.

“Mistress,” he gasped out. He clutched at her hand. “Come back with me. 
Spike’s so worried, I’m so worried, come back with me.” He refused to let
go of her touch as she lifted him to his feet.

“We’ll go back together, just, please come and see.” As always, her voice
stilled him. He let her lead him through the halls until they came to one
final door. She dropped Xander’s hand and turned to face him.

“You have to stay here, but you can watch. Just don’t try to enter. 
Promise me that.” Xander nodded as she opened the door.

Katarina stepped forward and was instantly engulfed in soft light. Xander
squinted, just able to make out a faint figure moving towards her.

“Thomas,” he breathed out. He watched as Katarina approached the dim
figure. A hand reached out and caressed down her cheek and she turned
into the touch.

“Kat, oh, I miss you so much,” the words rang out and Xander watched,
mouth dry as the hand moved to trail across her lips.

“So do I,” she reached up to take the ghostly hand in hers. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” the words echoed faintly as the room began to shimmer,
the figure melting into the light. “Always.”

Xander sucked in a huge breath as his eyes shot open, feeling Kat
beginning to stir next to him. Disoriented, he saw the sand and the
ocean, felt the fierce breeze and sand under his legs. He realized he was
panting and he clutched the hands in his tighter. Cool arms reached to
pull him over, blue eyes shocked and staring into his.

“In the name of the gods, Kat, what the fuck was that?” Spike called out,
watching as Kat rose from the sand. He could still feel Xander in his
mind.

“Explain in a bit. Ow, should have just had you stab me or something.” 
She rubbed a hand across the back of her head. Lips quirked as she saw
the mess around her. “Might have been a bit of overkill to use the hollow
points.” She turned to meet Spike’s eyes as he held Xander’s quivering
body. “Worked though. Thank you.”

Spike simply nodded, focused on Xander. “Xan, pet, luv, you okay?” His
hands moved over Xander’s back.

“Yeah, just really freaked out. I could, I could feel you, you were in my
head,” he stuttered out, suddenly growing cold.

Kat pulled him away, careful not to touch Spike, her blood growing tacky
as it dried. “Let’s go back to the bungalow. Want to shower and change,
have to burn these clothes, I think.” They headed back up the path,
moving slowly.

Xander settled on the couch next to Spike, the only light in the room
coming from the hurricane lamps that Kat had lit when they returned. She
had taken a quick shower and changed into the clothes she bought. Spike
had followed after her, wanting to get the salt off his skin, gratefully
taking the clothes she had remembered to bring along. Not a word had been
spoken, each waiting for the others to begin. Finally, the tension became
too much and Xander started to speak.

“Okay, I get why you had Spike do that, had you hover at the threshold of
life and death, let him touch you, let you see him, I get that, but why
the hell could I see it too, all I did was touch each of you, just wanted
to be able to let Spike touch you because he couldn’t because of the
blood.” Xander turned to Spike. “I saw things, I saw what it was like
for you to be part of her, she’s inside your mind, you’re part of her,
she’s part of you. Gods, I’m so jealous, wish I could have that. I want
to feel that, I want to be part of you.” He whirled back around to Kat. 
“I could feel it, can still feel you inside me, like a part of me. I want
that, I want to be part of you. I don’t want to be alone. Please, Kat,
please.” He stopped, panting for breath.

“Xander,” their voices in unison. 

“No, I mean it. Mistress, please, take me too. I’m not worthy of it, I
know, but please, please, take me too. I want to be Spike’s and he’s
yours so I want to be yours. I want to have everything he is, feel
everything he feels. Please.” He dropped to his knees before her,
echoing Spike’s movements. “Please.”

“Xander,” Kat said quietly, running her fingers through his hair. “Do you
realize what you’re asking?”

Xander just nodded, trying to think of anything he could say or do to make
her realize the truth of his words.

“No,” Spike wrenched him away. “No, I will not allow this. You will not
do this.” He glared down at her, fangs in full view. “You will not take
him from me. Xander, you can’t ask this, you can’t, it will change you,
take you away from me.”

“But you said that there was no demon,” Xander started, confused. How
could it change him. He heard Spike growling next to him and he reached
out a hand to trace down Spike’s leg, trying to calm him.

“What Spike is trying to say is that if you are not meant to be mine, then
you are changed and not for the better. It fundamentally changes you. 
But only if it is not your destiny.” She locked eyes with Spike at that. 
Xander watched as the two of them exchanged a long look, some type of
conversation taking place between them. Suddenly, Spike let out a
startled gasp.

“Truly? I suspected, I wanted to believe, but, truly, oh Mistress,” the
words tumbled out as Spike’s face settled back into its human planes. He
stepped back, knowing he could not interfere.

“Alexander, rise.” The voice of power filled the room and Xander
instantly sprang to his feet. “Do you understand? You said you saw, do
you know what it will mean? It means that you are mine absolutely, that
you live at my will, that you must do all I ask. If I asked you to kill
Willow, would you? Could you?”

Xander shuddered, he knew this would be the question, knew that this would
be the hardest choice he would have to face. He paused, weighing the
choice in his mind. Could he do that, could he kill his closest friend
since childhood? He pondered the choice, remembering all she had meant to
him, remembering the feel of absolute unity that he had glimpsed. Which
did he need more. Abruptly, he saw her holding a fire extinguisher,
standing in his front yard, assuming that he had been turned, assuming the
worst. “Yes. If you asked, then I would. I know you would only ask if
it was something you needed.”

A smile flickered across her face, then her expression settled back into
harshness. “There is no going back, Alexander. No revocation. You will
be mine forever. Do you choose this freely?”

“Yes.” No hesitation. No doubt. He wanted it more than almost anything.
The only thing he desired more was to feel Spike claim him, to feel those
fangs sink into his neck.

“Fine. William, can you retrieve the knife from my bag?” She reached out
and pulled Xander to sit next to her. Xander began to fidget slightly. 
As much as he wanted this, he was a little nervous, a little shy. How was
he just supposed to. . .

“It’s not like that, Xander. The only reason it was that way between
William and I was because he cannot drink my blood. You can. It will be
fine.” A broad smile crossed her face. “I’m not going to lie, it’s going
to hurt like hell.”

Xander just nodded as Spike came back with an intricately carved knife. 
He nestled in behind Xander, cradling the man in his arms. “It’ll be
fine, Xander.” He tried to keep his voice calm, tried to keep his joy
from shining forth. Xander had to make the decision willingly, not
because Spike wanted him to, not because of all the implications. He
handed the knife to Xander and watched as Kat reached out her right arm.

“You cut me, I cut you, you drink from me, then I drink from you. Do you
know what to say,” she kept her voice low and quiet, soothing and calm. 
Xander simply nodded once again, heart pounding from excitement and a
little fear. He took a deep breath, reached out his arm and slowly
pressed the tip into her flesh. He pressed just deeply enough to let the
blood ooze through, then handed her the knife. She gently sliced through
his flesh, the sting eased by the feel of Spike’s cool hands on his upper
arms. Kat lifted her arm to his lips and the words fell out, as natural
as breathing.

“Flesh of my flesh,” he pressed his lips to her wrist and drank, tasting
her power, feeling it course through his veins. He raised his arm to her
mouth as her hand covered his eyebrow.

“Blood of my blood,” she leaned forward and sucked fiercely on his wrist. 
His eyes rolled back in his head as the pain hit, a fierce sting as the
scar was burned into him. But that was nothing, a mere distraction from
the pain in his mind. He felt her burn through him, felt something snap,
some piece of himself that he had barely sensed suddenly be set free. It
ripped through him, all his senses overloaded. He could feel, taste,
touch, hear, see more, like everything was suddenly in focus for the first
time. He could feel them in his mind, feel them snap into place, a
missing piece of his soul complete as Katarina and Spike settled there. 
He suppressed a hysterical giggle at the image, at the thought that a
soulless demon could complete his soul. He heard them calling to him,
both within and without, and he forced himself to pull back, to return to
the present, to the reality of the outside world.

“Thank you, thank you, oh, Kat,” Spike managed to somehow pull them both
into his arms. “Mistress, I do not deserve such a gift.”

“Let go, you silly wanker. Crushing Xander you know,” Kat batted at
Spike’s arms until he let go. She watched as Xander and Spike turned into
each other, Spike’s hands cradling Xander’s face. She watched as they
concentrated, as they discovered just how to sense the other. “Besides,
not done yet.” Xander and Spike turned at that, drawing apart just enough
to do so. “Xander, wasn’t there something else you wanted?”

Xander nodded, trying to find his voice. “Yes, I want, I want to be
Spike’s.” He turned back to face Spike fully. “I want to be claimed. I
want to be his.”

Spike groaned as he bent to kiss his love. “Xander, can’t, want to,
can’t, fucking chip.” He started as Kat slowly ran her fingers through
his hair.

“Still not taking it out. But there’s nothing that says I can’t give you
an exception.” She watched their eyes light up at that. They didn’t
hesitate for a second. Xander tilted his head back as Spike dove down,
his fangs sinking deeply into Xander’s flesh. Low moans filled the air as
Spike drank, marking his love, marking Xander as his own for all eternity.
He finally raised his head, lapping the flesh clean, feeling Xander move
through him.

“I love you.” The words drifted down and he leaned up slightly, placing
his lips on Xander’s ear. “I know. I can taste it. I love you, too.” 
He bent back down and finished cleaning Xander’s neck.

“If the Hallmark moment is over, then let’s get going. I’m starved.” 
Kat’s voice broke the mood. She hopped off the couch and headed over to
pick up her bag, moving around the room and turning off the lamps. 
“Besides, it might be time to tell Xander about the other parts of the
deal.”

“What other parts?” Xander asked. Spike just grinned at him. “Spike,
Kat, what other parts? Guys, guys,” he called after them as they headed
out the door. “Is there something you would like to share?”

“In a few, hungry, let’s go.” Kat yelled back, swiping the keys from
Spike. “I drive. You go make out with your better half in the back seat.
No actual sex, though. Just had the damn thing detailed from last time.”

“Yes, mommy,” she heard faintly as Spike pounced on Xander. 

===============================================================

“Tall stack of chocolate chip. Tall stack of silverdollar. Two tall
stacks of buttermilk. Six orders of sausage. Four orders of hash browns.
Just bring over a pot of coffee, regular. Oh, and extra strawberry
syrup. Thank you, Star.” Kat leaned back in the booth, letting out a
long sigh.

Xander looked around incredulously. “Um, Kat, why are we at an IHOP?” 
This may actually be the last place on earth he ever expected her to be.

“Love IHOP. Besides, where else can you get perfectly burnt hashbrowns at
3:30 a.m.” She nodded a thanks as the pot of coffee was set on the table.
“And I’m starved. You try losing basically all your blood and we’ll see
how you feel. Shut up, Spike.” The vampire yelped as she kicked under
the table.

“Wasn’t going to say anything,” he grumbled, reaching for the coffee. 
“Ow,” he yelped again as she stabbed him with her fork.

“No caffeine for you. Don’t want to listen to you whine all day about not
being able to go outside and Xander is going to need his sleep and I’m
going to need my sleep and you, you will just get into trouble.” A low
growl rumbled across the table and she kicked him again. “Don’t you even
growl at me.”

“Guys,” Xander’s neck was starting to hurt from turning back and forth
between them. “Would someone please tell me the other parts of the deal
now?”

“Oh, that’s simple, pet. Our darling Mistress over there just made you
immortal.” Spike dodged as Kat threw a sugar packet at him.

“Nice way to ease into it, William.” She turned back to Xander, seeing
the shocked expression on his face. “Well, hells, Xander, what do you
think it means when I said that you lived at my will. You live at my
will. You don’t die unless I want you to die.”

“Oh,” Xander replied. A smile creased his face. “Better keep you happy
then, hadn’t I? Hey, Spike, how did you manage to stay alive this long. 
If it were me, you would have been dust a long time ago. You have any
idea how many times I’ve wished you to die.”

“Not that simple, luv.” Spike pitched the sugar packet back across the
table. “Tell him the truth, Kat. Don’t make me do it. You know it makes
me break into a rash.”

“Fine, spoil my fun. Xander, since you gave yourself to me freely, I
cannot unilaterally decide that you should die. We have to reach the
decision together. And, since you are now Spike’s and Spike is mine,
well, I can’t get rid of either of you unless both of you want it and I
agree.” She gulped down a large swallow of coffee and immediately started
sputtering. “Ow, hot, hot, hot.”

“That’s usually what the steam curling up means. You sure you are all
powerful and all knowing.” Now Spike kicked her.

“But, but, I thought, Spike said I would be changed, I feel the same,
well, not the same, just feel more, but still me,” Xander stuttered. 
Spike and Kat both stilled, suddenly turning serious.

“That’s because this is your destiny.” Serious eyes met him across the
rim of Kat’s coffee cup. She blew gently on the coffee and took a gentle
sip. “Let me ask you something. When you first kissed Spike, what did
you feel? Besides the obvious. What did you think?” She waited as
Xander formulated his answer.

“Like, well, like I was coming home. Like it was meant to be, was always
supposed to be. Like, well, like that was the whole point of my life.” 
Xander stared down, embarrassed at the depth of his emotion, feeling
remarkably girly. He felt Spike’s fingers ease done to stroke the back of
his hand.

“So did I, Xander.” Spike quietly admitted. 

“Exactly. You know how they say there is someone for everyone. It’s not
just a saying you know. It’s just that most people never manage to find
their mate. Oh, they meet them, but since they don’t seem right at first,
they just give up, never take the chance to find out if there is more. 
You did. You accepted Spike for who and what he was, even after he tried
to kill you. Why do you think he never succeeded? Why do you think you
could never kill him? This is where you were meant to be.” Kat perked
up as the waitress staggered over with their food. “Mmmm, pancakes.”

“So, this is where I’m supposed to be.” Xander looked up and grinned
widely. “Think I can deal with that.”

“Same here, pet.” Spike set to work on the silver dollar pancakes,
humming happily. “Mmmm, pancakes.”

Xander just rolled his eyes. Spike never ceased to amaze him. “So, what
was that other thing. It was, well, weird. Good, but weird.”

Kat swallowed and took a quick sip of water. “Let me ask you this, have
you ever wondered just why it is that you’re a demon magnet? Seriously,
you would think they would gun for the Slayer. No offense, but you don’t
seem to be that hard a kill. No glory in that.”

Xander frowned a little. He had speculated over the years, but had never
really come up with anything solid. “Well, yeah, but, just figured it was
because I seemed so easy to kill.”

“Not quite. Spike, you weren’t going to eat your sausage, were you?” 
Spike just shoveled them off his plate and onto hers. No point in
arguing, she would just pout at him until she got her way. And it would
work. After all, she was the one who taught him how to do it.

“Xander,” she reluctantly set down her fork. “You have a gift. A very
special gift, a very rare gift. You are an empath.” She leaned her
elbows on the table and rested her chin on her clasped hands.

“Empath, so I can feel what others feel, how is that special?” Xander
shook his head, now thoroughly confused.

“Well, it is special, most beings don’t give a shit what any one else
feels. But it’s more with you. When you took our hands and thought that
you wanted to let Spike touch me, you were able to make that happen. You
opened a portal between our minds, let us all reach and touch and
experience everything in all our minds. And you weren’t even trying. 
Imagine what it’s going to be like when you know how to use it. That’s
why everything comes after you. Not trying to kill you so much as to take
you. You can be quite the weapon you know.”

Xander gaped at her. “But, but, I’ve never, never knew, thought I was
nothing.” He stopped suddenly as they both growled fiercely.

“You are not nothing. Kat, please, let me go kill them.” Spike hissed. 
He hated this, the insecurity that had been beaten into his mate’s mind. 
He could feel it now, if he concentrated hard enough, he could sense how
deep it ran through Xander.

“No.” Kat turned back to Xander. “You are not nothing. Even without
this you would not be nothing. Know that.” The rage was in her as well,
but she had millennia of practice at reining it in. “This is just
something more. It’s not a separate part of you, it is you. It’s who you
are, it is your destiny. You just didn’t know it until you finally were
with Spike. That’s why you could do it tonight. You instinctively wanted
to help Spike and you naturally did the right thing. That’s why you could
hear him. You knew what he needed.” She leaned back and grabbed the
strawberry syrup.

“So, I wouldn’t be able to know until Spike,” Xander’s head was reeling,
trying to make sense of it all. “Why could I hear him, he hadn’t claimed
me yet.”

“Good question, mate. Why was that?” Spike stared over, hoping he was
right, that he what he felt when he first kissed Xander was true.

“Oh, that’s simple,” Kat licked the extra syrup off her finger. She
looked up, grinning at the two of them. “You share a mind, you share your
heart. You could hear him because he has always been a part of you. You
have always been a part of him. You are each other.” She speared
Xander’s last sausage as his mouth dropped open and he stared at her.

Part Eleven  

She munched away happily as Xander and Spike stared at her. Xander looked
shocked. She shook her head slightly, really, he should be over that by
now. Spike looked thrilled, that little smile he always got when he ended
up being right about something. He looked smug and insufferable. Why had
she ever shown him how to do that?

“Xander, close your mouth, dear.” She grinned as Xander instantly
complied, a look of embarrassment creeping across his face. “Surely you
had figured that out already?” She drizzled a little more syrup over her
hashbrowns and sighed happily as she ate.

Xander just stared at her, trying not to let his jaw drop open again. 
“Well, not really. I mean, knew we were something, that there was
something more to it. I mean, it was so much, you know, but,” he stopped.
He had no idea how to continue.

“Oh, bloody hell, Xan.” Spike spun on the seat and grabbed Xander’s
shoulders. “Here it is. You were always mine. I was always yours. 
Something or someone decided a long time ago that we were meant to be. 
I’m your darkness. You’re my light. One and the same. Half of us always
looking for the whole. Found you. Thought so. Hoped so. Then you
kissed me.” Spike’s eyes grew a little dim as the memory crested over
them. He could still feel it, could still remember the shock and the joy
that rushed through him when Xander’s mouth opened over his. His grip
loosened and he began to run his hands up and down Xander’s arms. “I
could taste myself in you. Shouldn’t have been. No way it could have
been. But there it was. Me in you.” He stopped, not sure he could go
on, not with Xander staring at him like that, not with those dark eyes
burning into his, pulling him down and into their depths.

“So all those times I just wanted to crawl under you skin and be part of
you forever, I already was.” Xander felt the joy swelling in him, felt
the first faint realization of just what it all meant.

“Yes”

They turned their heads, startled for a moment. They had forgotten that
Kat was there, had forgotten where they were, had forgotten that anything
existed other than them, here together. Reality crowded down on them and
they sighed, wanting to just be alone, just drink in all this meant. 
Wanted to explore what this connection was between them. They could feel
each other, could sense each other’s heart and mind. It was starting to
be too much to sit here, the florescent lights too bright, the smells too
strong, the sound of the traffic outside too harsh. They simply wanted to
leave.

“Look, there’s still a lot more to discuss, but dawn is coming. And I’m
actually full.” Kat grabbed the check and headed off for the counter to
pay, dropping a bill on the table as she did so.

“You always tip too much,” Spike grumbled, as they slid out of the booth.

“Yes, and I always get exceptional service,” she called back, heading out
the door with them trailing behind her.

Xander yawned hugely as they entered their bedroom. He had nearly fallen
asleep on the short ride back to the hotel, cradled in Spike’s arms. 
Slowly, slowly, his emotions were calming, were settling into place. It
had been an intense night. First, the confrontation with Angelus. Xander
growled faintly. Angelus. Never Angel again. Never again. “Should have
staked him.” The words spilled out quietly and he felt Spike’s arms wrap
around his waist.

“No, hers to do. Her vengeance. Trust me. Spent almost a century having
her remind me of that.” Spike shuddered slightly as the feel of some the
lessons came back to him. “She appreciates the concern, but, well, if you
haven’t noticed yet, she can take care of herself.”

Xander leaned back into Spike’s chest, letting Spike hold him up. He knew
Spike loved it when Xander let him take care of him. It wasn’t something
he did often, both of them needing to retain some control. But tonight it
felt like a gift to let Spike simply lead him to the bed, sit him down and
begin undressing him. The hands were gentle, comforting, as Spike peeled
off his shirt, carefully removed his shoes, pressed a quick kiss to his
ankles, then removed his pants. The touch was calming, soothing, helping
settle Xander even more. He closed his eyes and drifted away, turning the
events of the night over in his mind.

Then after Angelus, standing there watching as Spike blew Kat’s head off. 
His mind still shied away from the reality of it, the sound and vision too
much. His absolute terror when Spike began to scream, the guttural howl
of pain that cut through Xander like a knife. He felt a twinge of guilt. 
When those sounds began to come from Spike, all he cared about was
stopping it, making sure Spike was fine, that he wasn’t harmed. Not one
thought for Kat’s still form had crossed his mind. He knew that she
didn’t need him to worry about her, but he still felt he should have been
at least a little concerned.

And when he took their hands. He shivered a little and felt himself
pulled up the bed, gently tucked under the covers. Another shudder went
through him as the feel of it washed over him. It had been blind impulse,
sheer instinct that led him that action. He could feel Spike’s desperate
need to touch her, to reach out and make sure she was going to return. He
had no idea what would happen next, he simply wanted to provide them both
comfort. Cold arms pulled him tight as the tremors increased. It was so
intense, so much, overwhelming. He could still feel them there, the
memories now his as well. Hesitantly, he reached down into himself,
pulling forth the feel of Spike becoming part of her. The emotions welled
through him and he drew in a huge breath, tears springing to his eyes.

“Hush, hush, don’t, not now, too much, it’ll get easier, don’t, I’ve got
you now,” Spike’s voice rang in him, sounding in his ear and vibrating in
his soul. He relaxed, focusing on the way Spike’s fingers were tracing
patterns on his skin. “All the time in the world, don’t have to
understand now.”

The tears came at that as the truth finally hit him. All the time in the
world. They truly had all the time in the world. He knew, knew as much
as he knew that he was Spike’s and Spike was his that Kat would never
allow harm to come to them. The sobs increased as all the times that he
nearly lost Spike sprang unbidden to mind. All the times that he could
have killed Spike, had tried to kill Spike. All the times that his
friends had tried to kill the vampire. All the times that Spike had
thrown himself into battle, heedless of his own safety. It was all clear
to him now. Every time that Spike had pushed him aside, every time that
Spike had drawn some demon’s attention to him and away from Xander, every
time that Spike had chosen to stay and fight rather than leave, every time
that Spike had merely sat there while Buffy and the rest of his so called
friends were so very cruel. It was all clear. It was for him, because
Spike loved him, had loved him, would always love him. He clutched the
arm around his waist and held on. How could he have been so blind, how
could he have waited so long, how could he have ever wanted the vampire to
leave?

“I’m sorry,” gasped between sobs, “I’m sorry,” he stopped, not even sure
what all he was apologizing for.

The arm around his waist just tightened and Xander felt himself pulled
even more tightly into Spike’s chest. “’S’all right. Didn’t waste time,
things happen how they’re supposed to. Not meant to be until she was
here, until she could make you see, teach you. Shh, calm down, never
leave you. Never.” The pain roiling through Xander was burning in him as
well. He should have expected this, it had been a very long and very hard
day and it was only natural that Xander react like this. Hell, he felt
like crying and he never cried. Well, not since the night he called Kat. 
It was just too much, to suddenly be given what he had been longing for
since he could remember. Too good. Too pure. Too much. He pressed his
lips to Xander’s neck, dropping little kisses along the length, comforting
the best way he knew how.

Xander turned in his arms, bringing his lips around to meet Spike’s. They
kissed slowly, passion secondary to comfort, releasing all the fear that
had tainted the night. Complete. Together. One. Forever. They finally
drew apart and Xander settled his head on Spike’s chest, faintly amused as
always that he still listened for a heartbeat.

“Spike,” the sleepy sound drifted up.

“Yes, pet.” Spike smoothed his hand across Xander’s brow, rubbing away
the tension remaining there.

“You’ll tell me when you first suspected,” Xander’s words were muffled in
Spike’s chest.

“Yes. Sleep now, you’ve had a long day.” Spike rubbed his hand down
Xander’s back, feeling the breathing slow and the tension finally fade
away. He dropped one last kiss on Xander’s head before he drifted off as
well.


“Morning, sunshine. Well, evening, I should say.” Spike groaned as the
cheery words yanked him from his rest.

“Luv, you are much, much too chipper.” Spike pulled a pillow over his
head as Xander turned on the bedside lamps.

“Yeah, well, in a good mood. In a very good mood. In fact, can’t
remember being this happy, since, well, since ever.” Xander bounced
around the room, gathering up Spike’s clothes. When he woke up about an
hour before, it was clear that both Spike and Kat were still asleep. 
Lying there, he discovered that he could feel them sleeping, could tell
that Kat was dreaming, a good dream, in fact a faint blush crept up his
cheeks as he realized that she was dreaming about Thomas. Naked. That
propelled him out of bed and into the shower. It was there that the
sudden wave of giddiness overtook him. He was immortal. Immortal. 
Always going be around. And he had powers. Some kind of powers anyway. 
And he was Kat’s. And, most important, he was Spike’s. Everything he
ever wanted. Some small part of his mind wanted to scream that there had
to be a catch, had to be some bad to come with the good. The rest of his
mind blocked that out and he decided to be happy, to just enjoy this while
he could.

“Get up. Get dressed. Kat’s up.” He could hear her roaming around in
the living room of the suite, muttering dire imprecations. Something
about room service and coffee and why didn’t they believe her. “Get up.” 
He swatted Spike on the ass and grinned when Spike yanked him down.

“Oh, that’s not a problem, Xander.” The husky growl in his ear would have
told him that without Spike pressing his hand to the vampire’s groin.

“Hmm, what have we here? Question, Spike, do you still call it morning
wood if you don’t wake up until after sunset? What would it be then? 
Evening wood? And doesn’t that sound like the name of some trailer
park?” Xander grinned as he began rubbing Spike just the way the vampire
liked.

“Don’t know. Don’t care.” Spike’s eyes rolled back as Xander pumped him
harder, giving him no rest. “Xan,” panted out as he was quickly pulled to
the brink, Xander’s touch relentless. Suddenly, he was devoured by
Xander’s mouth and he came with a noiseless scream, the warm wetness too
incredible to resist.

“Have to brush my teeth again.” Xander grinned down, laughing at the
dirty look Spike shot him.

“What’s gotten into you, mate? Never seen you like this.” Spike grinned
back, happiness filling him as well.

“You.” The honest answer stopped them both short and they stared at one
another until the tension became too much and they both started to laugh.

“Not yet, pet. Later. Promise.” Spike grabbed his clothes from where
Xander placed them at the foot of the bed and headed for the bathroom. 
Xander followed, brushing his teeth again. He didn’t want to, he loved
the taste of Spike’s cum in his mouth, but he did want to be polite. 
After all, the scent was rather distinctive.

He wandered into the suite, stretching slowly, contentment seeping through
him. He stopped suddenly, nearly wrenching his back out when he saw all
the people gathered around the coffee table. There was Kat, looking
incredibly grown up and responsible in a business suit. Four other men,
all impeccably dressed, all wearing suits. And there Xander stood,
stretching, in jeans and an old sweater. He blushed suddenly, hoping
against hope they hadn’t heard what he and Spike had just been doing.

“Alexander, glad you’re finally up. Was just telling these gentlemen that
I was about to wake you, after all, with the bedrooms soundproofed there
was no way to tell we were here.” Her eyes scrunched up as she grinned at
him and he slowly let out his breath.

“Yes, well, perhaps I had better go to tell Spike,” his eyes closed at
that and he felt the blush work its way back up his face. He could just
see Spike bouncing out, naked and horny and grabbing him in front of
everyone. He knew Spike wouldn’t care, but he did.

“I’ll take care of that,” Kat replied, a knowing look on her face. “Let
me just introduce you first. Gentlemen, this is Alexander Harris. 
Xander, these are Mr. Day, Mr. Rothstein, Mr. Gribben and Mr. LaPierre. 
They are here to finish up some paperwork. Why don’t you grab some
coffee, have a seat and I’ll be right back.” She moved past him,
stretching up to quickly kiss him on the cheek and then bounced into the
bedroom. Xander grabbed some coffee, desperate for the caffeine and shot
a glance at the clock. 7:30. They had slept later than he thought. He
settled on the couch, a little unnerved by the way the men kept staring at
him.

“Right. Spike will be out later. Xander, there are some documents that
need your signature and my lawyers,” a careless wave of her hand took in
the men, “were happy to drop them over.” She settled next to him on the
couch, sipping her own coffee.

“What papers?” He hated sounding like a fool, but he had no idea what she
was talking about.

“Just some transfer papers, putting you on some accounts, transferring
some property, some tax stuff, a trust agreement, the usual.” Her smile
was wider now, and he slowly nodded.

“Oh, fine then.” Whatever this was, he knew he could trust her. Papers
were spread all over the table, sign here stickers dotting the pages. He
picked up a pen. “So, where do I start?” One of them, he couldn’t
remember which one, handed him a thick sheath and his eyes widened when he
skimmed through it. It was a trust agreement, apparently providing him a
monthly income of. . . He froze, looking over at her. “Kat, I can’t take
this.”

“Oh, shush. Sure you can, plenty more where that came from. And I need
the write off.” She leaned in closer. “And it’s the same deal as Spike’s
so you better take it. Part of my family, I take care of you, this is
part of it.”

He nodded, numbed and signed where indicated. More papers, more figures,
more staggering sums. He had never even imagined that many zeros. He
lost track of the explanations after the first hour or so. Some of it was
his absolutely. Some in trust. Some land. Some investments. Some
companies. His mind was spinning. Just one of the accounts would be
enough for his lifetime. He stopped when that thought crossed his mind
and he turned back to Kat. “Oh,” the one simple word and she nodded,
understanding completely.

“Yes, have to think on a whole different scale now.” She reached down and
took a shaking hand between hers. “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” She
turned back as the men gathered up their copies. “Thank you again for the
quick work. My best to your families.” She ushered them out the door,
pausing to make sure they were gone, then kicked off her shoes and ripped
off her jacket.

“Hate playing the grown up. Doesn’t suit me.” She yanked open the
bedroom door and Spike shot out, heading directly for Xander.

“So, how does it feel, rich boy,” Spike smirked as he settled down on the
couch. “Want to go shopping? You can buy me something pretty. Like, oh,
I don’t know, say, Puerto Rico? No, too buggy. How about a nice island
in the South Seas?”

Xander just stared back at his lover. “Spike,” was all he was able to get
out.

Spike sobered immediately, taking Xander in his arms. “Lot to take in, I
know. Tell you what, why don’t I tell you a little story, make you feel
better.” He pulled Xander onto his lap.

“Once upon a time,” Spike began, only to be belted with pillows from both
the couch and the chair. “You have no sense of whimsy, either of you. 
Fine, tell this straight up then. Xander, you wanted me to tell you when
I began to suspect. Well, always knew there was something different about
me. Wasn’t like the other vamps. Not just my ego talking, though I still
contend it’s not bragging if you can do it.” He started as Kat threw
another pillow at him.

“As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted,” he glared at Kat. 
“Knew I was different. Still felt things, still loved. Loved Dru, loved
Angelus.” The last name was said so quietly that Xander almost missed it.
He tensed in Spike’s arms, then tried to relax, knowing this was not the
time to delve into that mess. A quick squeeze let him know that Spike
understood and Xander settled back in, his head nestled into Spike’s neck.

“I didn’t know what it was. I knew I didn’t have a soul, wasn’t being
tortured by guilt over the things I was doing, the things I had done. But
at the same time, I wasn’t completely evil, like Dru and Darla. Of
course, Dru’s insane and Darla, well, Darla had been the Master’s
plaything and that could only serve to make you evil. And Angelus was a
fucking bastard before he was turned. And I, well I was a bit of nancy
boy.” Spike smiled faintly as an image of himself as William drifted
before his eyes. He shook his head, clearing his mind as Xander shifted
slightly on his lap. Kat just watched him, eyes partially closed, hearing
this from his point of view for the first time.

“Still didn’t understand until Dru and Angelus left me in Oxford a little
bit after I was turned. Found myself in a pub I had frequented when I was
in residence there, I used to go there to write.” Another wry grin at
that, thank the gods he had destroyed all evidence of those days. “Ran
into some wankers who knew me when, they got a bit rude, took them
outside, taught them a lesson, I did.” Xander went still in his arms, and
Spike realized that he had unconsciously vamped out. A warm hand pressed
his cheek.

“It’s okay, I understand, go on. Didn’t know that you ever were at
Oxford, why didn’t you say something,” Xander held his breath, not knowing
if Spike would answer, but desperate to learn anything about Spike’s past.
Spike was never this honest and he would be damned if he was going to let
the chance pass.

“Don’t like to talk about it. Not pleasant memories, luv.” Spike closed
his eyes, knowing that soon, too soon, Xander would realize that anything
he wanted to know, he could just reach into Spike’s mind and discover. 
The thought filled him with joy and dread in equal measures. Joy because
Xander would learn exactly how much Spike loved him. Dread because Xander
would learn the depths of evil to which he had sunk. He knew that on some
level Xander had long ago accepted that, but, still, when confronted with
the reality of it, he was still afraid Xander would go, would want to
leave.

“Spike, no matter what it is, still love you, you’re mine. I read
everything about you in the Watcher’s diaries. I know there’s a reason
you and that thing” Xander spat out, refusing to use Angelus’ name, “were
called the Scourge of Europe. It happened. It’s part of you. I know
that, knew that, still wanted you, still want you. Made you who you are. 
Doesn’t mean I like it, but I’m not going to judge you for it, either.”

Spike’s eyes widened. He met Kat’s level gaze over Xander’s head. If
Xander knew what he was thinking like that, without even trying to delve
into Spike, just how powerful was he? Kat just stared back, eyes veiled,
revealing nothing. Spike’s eyes went even wider. If Kat was refusing to
react, then, well, then Xander had more in him than Spike had ever dreamed
possible.

“Thank you, Xander.” The simple words produced a powerful response. 
Warmth flooded through him, Xander’s love and acceptance burning into him.
He gasped a little, then steadied himself, wanting to finish, wanting to
finally say this. “Anyway, Kat there found me, took me back to her place,
kept me there until they finally came back for me. All she asked me was
why I went somewhere I used to be known. Never really answered, but the
truth was that I wanted to remember what it had been like, what it was
like to be human. That’s when I realized that I may have lost my soul,
but I never lost my humanity. Drove me mad, thought that was why Dru
wanted Angelus more than me. Right then I determined that was it, that I
would never be that weak again, that whatever it was that I had to do to
destroy William’s voice inside my mind I would, anything to make it go
away.” His grip on Xander tightened still more, until it seemed he was
trying to pull Xander’s heat into his body, trying to pull the sound of
his heart into his chest. His voice went flat as he continued.

“So, I became the perfect killer. The right hand to Death. Part of the
Scourge of Europe. The complete opposite of everything that I was before.
Thought that would work. Seemed to, for a while anyway. Then Angelus
had to fuck everything up, had to kill Thomas,” he glanced at Kat. She
was pale but she just nodded, letting him know it was all right to
continue. “Had to take Dru and flee. Everything fell apart after that. 
Dru didn’t want me anymore. I didn’t want to be alone. Hate being alone.
Too much time to think, too much time to brood. Too much time to turn
into the ponce. So no matter what she did, I went after her, still trying
to be what I thought she wanted. Decade after decade of blood. Finally
began to sicken even myself. Infuriated me even more. No matter what, it
was still there. The Judge had it right. I reeked of humanity. Came to
Sunnyhell. Thought maybe taking out another Slayer would help. First to
take three, maybe that would make Dru stay.” He gently turned Xander’s
face up to meet his, worry in his voice. “You do know I never loved her
like this, don’t you?”

Xander nodded, not wanting to speak, not wanting to break the spell. He
simply kissed Spike on the cheek and snuggled back down on Spike’s
shoulder. Kat stirred, getting Spike a glass of water. He drank
gratefully, his throat raw from speaking. Damn, he needed a cigarette. 
But if he smoked, he would have to let go of Xander. Not much of a
choice, that.

“Showed up, fucked things up as usual. Then that debacle with the church
organ, crippled in that chair. Watching as Angelus tortured the lot of
you. Starting watching you after he offered you to me. I’ll never forget
that. You just stood there, so brave. Fascinated me. You seemed to have
nothing, yet you still threw yourself out there. Hated to admit it, but
it reminded me of who I used to be. A lot insecure, a lot more
determined. Willing to risk anything, any embarrassment if it got you
what you wanted. And it seemed that you never got what you wanted. Only
got you embarrassed and hurt, physically and emotionally. But you kept
trying. Admired that.”

He reached down and took another sip of water, missing the feel of Xander
even in the space of those seconds. “Then, after the damned Initiative
got me, you were the only one who showed any concern. You took me in,
unwillingly, I know, but in nonetheless. Don’t blame you for tying me to
that chair, had no reason to trust me. Do you know why I kept trying to
kill you? Couldn’t bear seeing you and knowing I couldn’t have you. 
Then, there I was, watching you every night, listening to you sleep, your
scent penetrating everything around me. Almost drove me around the
fucking bend, that. Then, one night, you were having a nightmare, tossing
and turning. Almost ripped through those ropes, couldn’t bear it,
listening to you suffer. Only reason I didn’t was because I was sure you
would stake me if I did. Or if not, make me go back to stay with the
Watcher. Would have been worse than staking, that. Only thing I was
living for at that point was watching you. Didn’t realize I loved you. 
Thought it was just obsession, something to take the place of Dru.” Humor
crept into his voice. “Always did like tall, broad shouldered, moody,
dark haired, dark eyed men. Oedipal as all hell I know, but there it is.”

Xander stirred under him and Spike looked down, concerned. “Need
something, luv? Uncomfortable?” A shake of the head, and Spike stared at
him. Xander was being awfully quiet. “What’s wrong, pet?”

“Nothing, just, don’t like to hear about you hurting, especially if I was
part of it.” Quiet words, yet they pierced like a dagger.

“That’s over now. And it’s not like I haven’t hurt you. Hells, Xan, I’ve
tried to kill you, you do remember that,” Spike gave him a little shake,
then let him settle back down. “I’ll be having none of this. All in the
past. Only reason I’m telling you know is you deserve the truth, need to
hear if from me.” A nod into his chest and Spike continued, voice
thickening as he reached the most difficult part.

“You were having a nightmare and I had to listen, couldn’t do anything
about it. Pure torture. And I knew it was the least of what I deserved. 
Then,” a loud swallow. “Then you said Cecily.”

Xander pulled back, eyes opening in shock. “Oh merciful gods.” Spike had
finally told him about Cecily about a year ago. But there was no way he
could have known before then. He remembered the conversation, Spike
drinking steadily the entire time. Xander remembered the fury that burned
in him when Spike finally slurred out the end of the story then passed
out. He remembered how he slipped out of the house and went prowling,
finding a fledgling that he tortured before staking, needing to destroy
something, anything, since he couldn’t rip Cecily to shreds. He wrapped
his arms around Spike, clutching the cold flesh to him.

“And I knew you were having a dream about her. Hadn’t told anyone about
her yet, no way you could have known. Even Peaches didn’t know the whole
story. Gods know I never told Dru. But you said her name,” Spike
continued on, driving forward desperately, determined to get through this.
“Could have pushed me in the sun I was so shocked. Didn’t dare ask. 
Same thing happened the next night. And the next. Then it got worse. It
wasn’t just her name, you started reciting whole portions of the
conversation. Somehow you knew, you knew. Then, one night, you sat bolt
upright, looked me dead in the eye and said ‘Spike, gods, Spike, I’m so
sorry, if I could I would have killed her for you’ then you collapsed back
down and fell right back to sleep.” Spike’s voice was shaking as hard as
his body and Xander felt tears pouring down his face, soaking into Spike’s
shirt.

“You woke up the next morning, obvious you didn’t remember a damn thing. 
Took off for the crypt the next night. Couldn’t bear it. Couldn’t even
begin to think what it was. Started doing research in the Watcher’s
books.” A sly grin at that as Spike began to calm down. “He truly needs
to get better locks. Still can’t believe the lot of you never realized
that was why I was helping. Kept looking, but there was nothing to
explain it. Started following you. Still nothing to explain it. Wrote
it off as just one of those Hellmouth things. Kept following you though,
making sure you were safe. Could have throttled those supposed friends of
yours, ignoring you. The demon taking you for granted. Finally, you
asked me grab a beer one night, started talking, and there it was. 
Listening to you was like listening to me. Same thoughts, same feelings,
same reactions. Felt whole whenever I was with you. Wanted to tell Kat
about it, knew she would know what it meant, but, couldn’t. Then, she
called, could finally tell her all about you. The more I did, the more
sure I became. You were mine. I was yours. Just didn’t know what to say
or do. Then you got hurt.” Spike started shaking again, the desperate
fear of that time as vivid as when it happened.

“Realized that I could lose you without ever having you, didn’t know what
to do. Couldn’t bear it anymore, so I called on the bond. Knew Kat was
the only one who would understand what it meant to love a mortal. She
came. She touched you. She liked you. Then you went to comfort her and
then you kissed me and I could taste me in you and I was sure, so sure. 
But, couldn’t say anything, had to stay quiet. Couldn’t influence what
you did. Drove me mad, tasting me in you and not saying anything. Then,
then you asked to be made hers, and I was so scared, afraid it would
destroy you. But she wouldn’t have done it if it would hurt you. I was
right, it is our destiny. And now, now you are mine and nothing can ever
take you. Nothing will ever take you. Mine. Yours. Always.” Spike
fell silent, feeling free at last, all the things he had ever wanted to
say laid as an offering before Xander’s feet.

“Spike, I never knew,” Xander started. Spike just kissed him, stilling
the words.

“Weren’t supposed to. Took me a long time to figure it out. You would
have eventually, I just got a little impatient.” Spike traced a finger
down Xander’s cheek, wiping away the faint moisture still there. “Never
big on patience, you know.”

Xander laughed, shattering the intensity of the atmosphere. “No, really. 
Hadn’t noticed that about you. Parent/Teacher night bring back any
memories.” He slid off Spike’s lap, needing to stretch out his legs which
had fallen asleep. Curious, he turned to Kat. “When did you know?”

She grinned at the two of them, shadow and light, so different and yet the
same. “The second Spike said your name. Do you know that whenever we
talked it was always ‘Xander this’ and ‘Xander that’ and ‘Xander and I’. 
Never whelp or pet or luv or all the things he calls you. Always Xander. 
Saying it just to hear your name. I know him very well you know, not just
because of the bond. He never said anyone’s name like that. Told me all
I needed to know.” She stood, grabbing a beer for each of them from the
bar. “Then, when I shook your hand when I met you, then I was positive. 
Can feel it in you. Just like I knew what you are. It’s right there, if
you know how to look.”

Xander took the offered beer gratefully, he could use a drink after the
events of the last few days. “So, what happens now? I mean, what do I do
with this gift of mine? I don’t even know how to use it.” He sighed, yet
another change in the constant flux of his life.

“Kind of up to you. I’ll teach you how to use it. Have to, dangerous
otherwise.” Kat placed her bottle on the endtable next to her chair. 
“I’m serious, Xander. Now that you’ve finally touched your power, it can
be very dangerous. You will eventually be able to merely touch someone
and seen into their mind, be able to know if they are telling the truth,
be able to feel their every thought, remember their every memory. You’ll
be able to use their thoughts to your own ends. Very powerful. Very
dangerous. Very seductive. That’s why you’re a demon magnet. Train you
right, and you can control any being you wish. And now that you’re
aligned with Spike, well, that just makes it worse.”

“How so,” Xander started, then comprehension dawned. “His strength. His
cunning. My ability. We could be unstoppable.”

“Exactly.” She just stared back at him. “Basically the only thing that
could stand in your way would be me. And you’ve offered yourself to me. 
So, now nothing can kill you. Not even me. That’s power.” She picked up
her beer and took a long drink as she watched Xander and Spike struggle
with this announcement.

“Then, why, why did you do it? Why did you take him?” Spike asked. 

“Why do you think?” She answered, staring at them both. 

They looked at one another, sure this was a test, but unsure of what. 
They continued to stare, then Spike reached down, linking fingers with
Xander. The answer was suddenly as obvious to him as the love he had for
the man before him.

“You made us yours because that was what was meant to be. Because
together we are balance. Neither good nor evil. We simply are.” He
stopped, knowing Xander would finish for him.

“And whatever we need to do, we will do. If violence is needed, Spike
provides that. If understanding, then I provide that. If both, we can do
that. Whatever, we are one. And there is nothing to fear in that.” 
Xander grinned at Spike. “So, we can’t just take over the world? ‘Cause
that could be fun. Make Spike call me master,” he waggled his eyebrows as
Spike’s eyes dilated at that.

“Everything’s always sex to you two,” Kat rolled her eyes. “Of course you
can’t take over the world, why would you want the responsibility. No time
for sex then.” Their answer was perfect, as she knew it would be.

“So, head back tomorrow and you’ll teach me how to use the Force. Can I
call you Yoda?” Xander ducked waiting for the strike to come. “Ow, fuck
that hurt.” He had ducked right into the pillow.

“No. And you are so predictable.” Kat grinned at him. “Have to do some
fight training as well, no way you are coming hunting with us until your
reflexes get better.”

“Hmm, Yoda.” Spike eyed her with glee. Whole new worlds of teasing
there. He turned back to Xander. “Of course, if you want me to call you
padawan,” he murmured into Xander’s ear, grinning as Xander flushed.

“Will you wear the robes?” Xander’s eyes were dark as the image came to
him.

“Only if you’ll wear the braid. And as long as we’re in L.A. we can stop
at a costume shop, get good costumes. See what else is there.” Spike
pulled Xander against him and they slowly began to rub against one
another.

“Hello, guys, still in the room. Remember, other person present.” Kat’s
resigned voice called out. “One of these times you actually are going to
have sex in front of me. And I just know my video camera won’t be handy.”

They laughed as they pulled fractionally apart. “At least now you can
quit that bloody job, spend all your time with me,” Spike beamed up at
Xander. That fight could now end.

“Don’t know about that, does keep me in shape. You wouldn’t want me
getting out of shape now, would you?” Xander teased back.

“Just have to find, other ways, shall we say, of making sure you’re in
shape,” a low purr now and they leaned back into one another.

“Bloody hell that hurt,” they screamed in unison as the shoes hit their
heads.

“Then stop trying to have sex in front of me. Hells, I have reason to
believe that you are both fairly bright. Even lab rats would get this. 
Snogging, fine. Shagging, not fine. If you start to shag I either hit
your myself or with the nearest handy object. How many times has this
happened now, yet you persist.” She shook her head mournfully. “That’s
it, next time I’ll just let you, film it and upload it. And I’ll send
Willow the URL.”

“You wouldn’t.” Spike just stared at her. “Bloody hell, what am I
saying? Of course you would. What’s say, pet, want to make a movie?”

Xander grinned back, “Sure, can there be costumes? Not the Star Wars
thing, I’m thinking a whole pirate theme.”

They laughed as Kat just groaned. “Irredeemable. Don’t know why I
bother. So, it’s settled, going back to Sunnydale.”

Xander nodded, laughter dying down. He moved to stand in the door to
Kat’s room, able to look in the bathroom mirror from there. The scar was
obvious as was the bite mark.

“Yeah, we’re going to go back. The Scooby Gang’s going to be pissed.” He
pushed the thought away. He would deal with that when the time came. 
Cool arms wrapped around his waist as he turned from the mirror.

“Don’t worry about them Xander,” Kat rose and walked over to him, handing
him another bottle of beer. “I’ll take care of that.”