Part Twelve  

He ignored the sounds outside his door, choosing rather to simply continue
staring at the spot on the wall, the one that he had been staring at for
the last three days. Not that he had really even noticed the spot. No,
he was looking beyond it, behind it, reality shimmering around him, less
real than the memories that lingered there, just behind that spot.

“Angel,” Cordy’s voice, hoarse from crying. “Please open the door. At
least a little, I brought you some dinner. I even bought it with my own
money, O positive, your favorite. Please, open the door.” She pounded
harder, hoping this time she could break through to him. She could hear
the bedsprings creak as he shifted a little, the only indication that he
was still there, that he hadn’t turned to dust. She tried to calm
herself. “I’ll just leave it right here, right outside the door. You
can get it when you’re ready, I wrapped it in a towel, should stay warm
for a nice long time.” She slowly backed away, gathering up the mug from
last night’s meal. As long as he was still feeding then she still
retained some hope that he would snap out of whatever it was that led to
this.

She had no idea what happened. She had vaguely registered Angel leaving
the gala but hadn’t given it much thought. She was too busy chatting with
a handsome young surgeon to care. She had quickly taken the handsome man
up on his offer of a drink, careful to call and tell Wesley where she was
and who she was with. It had been a lovely evening, and it was only when
she finally came back to the office the next morning that she realized
something was wrong. Wesley and Gunn where pounding on Angel’s door,
pounding loud enough to wake the dead.

“Cordelia, thank heavens you’re finally here, did something happen last
night?” Wesley dragged her over as soon as she was close enough to reach.

“What? No, well, yes I met this wonderful surgeon, but other than that? 
What is wrong with the two of you?” She stared as Gunn threw his shoulder
into the door.

“Angel barricaded himself in, won’t come out, won’t talk,” Gunn grunted,
wincing as he rubbed his shoulder.

“Did anything unusual happen last night?” Wesley turned to stare fiercely
down. Cordelia frowned right back at him.

“Wasn’t my turn to vampiresit. I was there for the party. Angel left
early, but I expected that. Other than that, nothing. No fights, no
blood, no fangface. Just a lovely party. He should have stayed.” A
trace of concern crept into her face. “Has he eaten?” She looked down
and saw a mug on the floor.

“He won’t come out, but he did take it when we put it there.” Wesley
frowned harder. Nothing had happened recently to provoke such a mood from
Angel. In fact, things had been going well.

“Well, he’ll come out when he’s ready. Probably just wanted a good brood,
it’s been at least a week since the last one.” She turned away, sure that
Angel would come out in a few moments.

But now, now it had been three days and still nothing. Angel hadn’t come
out, hadn’t spoken, hadn’t given any indication that he heard them. 
Wesley and Gunn were seriously considering taking an ax to the door. So
far, she had been able to stop them. As long as Angel was still eating,
then she would hold them back. She pressed her palm to the door, then
turned and walked away, knowing he would only open the door once they were
all gone.

Angel slowly drank, not even tasting the richness of the warmed blood. He
was gone, lost in himself, unable to stop the memories from consuming him,
not sure that he wanted to. He ignored the taste in his mouth and
concentrated instead on the taste still in his mind. The taste of Spike
was more real to him then the bitter taste of some unknown person. The
taste of Spike. His eyes clenched shut again. Not Spike. The taste of
William. The taste that he had never had, Dru’s mark there first, always
underneath it, even when he had marked Spike as his own. No longer. 
There was nothing there but William now. William and the faint, elusive
trace of her. The merest memory of a taste, swirling away like a wisp,
like the smoke of her. But it was still just barely there, overwhelmed by
the power of Spike himself. A power that he would never touch again.

He stirred, moving from the bed for the first time in days. He crossed
slowly to the chest running on the foot of his bed. He raised the lid,
then carefully began to remove the blankets, placing them along the side. 
Finally, the last blanket was set aside and the small box was removed. He
returned to the bed, sitting cross-legged in the center. He reached over,
pulling the key the drawer of his bedside table. He turned it in the
lock, the rasping noise grating in the room. One by one he removed the
items, setting them aside until he reached the last token. He lifted it
slowly in the air, the flickering of the candlelight picking out the
strands of hair, dark and light braided together, woven into a tight bond.
He twirled it around, seeing the highlights shimmer and shift. He fell
back in time as he spun it around and around.

Cardiff

He traced a hand through the soft locks, careful not to pull hard enough
to wake. Just what color was it anyway, he mused, watching the shadows
shift through the golden hair. In some light it was so pale, while in
others it was dark, nearly as dark as his own. But now, now, with the
candles glowing about the bed, now, all the colors seemed to merge
together, honey and wheat tipped in gold, traces of all emerging in turn. 
Another soft touch. It was only now with that pale face relaxed in sleep
could he take this chance, could he steal this moment of tenderness that
would never be allowed otherwise. He looked down at the thin membranes
covering those sapphire pools. He snorted softly. Sapphire pools indeed.
The things that he could only say here, when all was quiet and calm. He
gently lifted the knife, pulling the strands across the blade. It felt
like silk in his hands. A sudden stirring and then those eyes, those
incredible blue eyes shot open.

“Whatever are you doing, Angelus?” Her soft voice echoed in the room as
he froze, hair still in his hands.

“Good evening, Mistress,” he answered, leaning down to press a firm kiss
to her lips, sinking into the warmth. He deepened the kiss as he placed
the hair on the stand next to the bed.

“Not nearly so easy to distract as that,” she murmured, leaning up and
pushing him away. She glanced over at the lock of hair and slowly, so
slowly an eyebrow arched heavenward. “Getting a bit maudlin are we?”

He flinched back automatically, then the amusement underlying her words
struck him. “Not really, just wanted,” he stopped, realizing that the
next part would sound hopelessly maudlin. “Just wanted a piece of you to
keep for the next time you leave.” He looked up, forcing himself to meet
her gaze.

Laughter burst from her as she leaned back into his embrace. “Gods save
me from the Irish. Romantic lot of buggers, all of you. Let me guess,
you shall place it in a locket and keep it next to your heart, to feel
with every beat in your chest. You have realized the problem with that, I
am quite sure, Angelus. No beat to press the locket into your chest.” 
Her hands drifted down as she began playing idly with his fingers.

“I know, Katarina.” He heard her low chuckle as he pressed a kiss on her
brow, relishing this chance to simply hold her. She rarely allowed him
this luxury, this chance to simply be content in her presence. Here, he
was no one’s childe, no one’s Sire. Here, he simply was. Not that she
seemed to care. He still was unsure why she came here, what it was that
he provided to her. Some distraction, some conversation, perhaps that was
it. They did not merely fall into bed and rut. No, whenever she would
come to them and draw him apart, whenever she would send Dru and Darla
away, whenever she would sit him down and bid him join her for dinner,
then he knew how things would be. Conversation, laughter, lessons
sprinkled in with her stories, then they would end up here, in bed. He
knew why he was here. She was fascinating, intriguing, addicting. But he
had no idea what it was he gave to her. He shook himself mentally. There
was no time for that now, not while she was here in his arms, strangely
quiet, allowing him this moment of gentleness.

He turned and then lay back, turning her to rest in the crook of his arm. 
The candlelight played across her skin, turning the whiteness into gold. 
He shifted so that he was resting more upright, able to view the expanse
of her flesh. She was shamelessly naked and the perfection of her form
was a work of art. This was one of his favorite pastimes, to run his eyes
over her, burning the memory of it into his mind. He never knew when she
would appear or if she would give him this gift when she did. Her slim
ankles, firm calves, shapely thighs. The gentle swell of her hips,
tapering to her slender waist. Her beautiful breasts, the amulet between
them, the light flickering across the silver chain. Reaching down, he
lifted it to the light, watching as the light danced through the liquid
caught inside the crystal. It was still warm from her skin and as it spun
in the light the liquid seemed to shimmer, seemed to glow with a hidden
power.

“Katarina, I have always wanted to ask you, what is this? Why do you
never take it off?” In all the years they had come together, in all the
times he had seen her laid bare before him, this was the one item that she
never removed.

“Hmm, that is my blood. That is my heart.” She reached up and covered
his fingers with her own, twisting it faster.

“Your blood?” He could feel his fangs emerge at that. The one thing that
she could never give to him.

“Yes, my blood.” She stroked a fingertip briefly along the crystal and
then gently pried it from his fingers, bringing it back to rest between
her breasts.

“What does it mean?” He knew he was pressing his luck, knew that he was
treading on dangerous territory, but the warmth of her in his arms and the
scent of her hair under his nose was lulling him, forcing him to ignore
those parts screaming at him to stop, to not question this, to simply be
content with whatever it was that she would give him.

“It serves as protection. I cannot harm whoever wears it.” Her immediate
response stunned him. She was being so open, so honest. Perhaps, perhaps
he meant more to her than he had dared hope. She snuggled in closer and
he automatically tightened his grip.

“Why would you need to do that?” He trailed fingers down her arm,
relishing the slight shudder the action produced.

“If I were ever to find my true mate and I could not bring him into my
order, then I would give this to him,” a slight smile creased her face. 
“Or her as the case may be. This will serve to keep me from inadvertently
causing them pain, from letting some stray thought destroy them. It also
keeps me from intentionally causing harm. Whoever wears it is safe from
me.” She sounded bored now, as if the subject were simply not worth
discussing. “Here, hand me the knife.”

Confused, he did so, watching as she sat up when he offered it to her. 
She turned to face him, then raised the knife to his hair. She quickly
snipped free a lock from behind his ear, making sure to nick the lobe as
she did so. He hissed as her tongue lapped up the blood. She loved
taunting him like this, free to bite and suck in a way that he never
could. He watched as she picked up the strands of her hair, fascinated as
she braided the locks together, weaving them into one.

She dropped it into his hand as she rose from the bed. “Here. Something
to remember me by. I must leave now. I do not think that you and I will
be coming together like this again, my sweet Angelus. You did not truly
believe that I would give you part of my soul.” His eyes grew wide as she
stalked across the room, blowing out the candle as she did so.

London, 1880

“Dru, what have you done,” he slapped her hard, knocking her head back
against the wall of the stable.

“I wanted a childe. He wanted to be mine. Trust me, you will want him
too, the stars told me it would be so.” Dru licked the last of William’s
blood from her lips, manic glee dancing in her eyes.

“Dru,” he growled out, then turned to see just what stray she brought in
this time. The growl increased as he realized that he could not simply
stake this one, this was not just another plaything that his insane childe
had chosen to make. It was her childe and he was quite sure that if he
staked the man then Dru would attack him in a furious rage. He rolled the
body over then froze, struck dumb by what he saw. Dark blond hair, honey
and wheat tipped in gold. Pale, pale skin, made whiter still by the first
death. Sharp, high cheekbones. Long, thin fingers. He stared down,
willing the eyes to open, willing the eyes to remain closed, in equal
parts needing to know and afraid to find out. He saw the first quivers as
the man came back, birthing into his new life. **Not blue, just not
blue** an insane chant in his mind.

The eyes shot open and he was pinned to the wall. Sapphire pools. The
words throbbed in his mind. Sapphire pools. As perfect and pure as hers.
Dru laughed as she took her childe in her arms, hushing the frantic sobs.

“I told you that you would want him as well. I know that she left you,
Daddy, left you alone. Do you know why? It was because you wanted her
amulet, you wanted to be hers but would not ask. No, you would not ask,
you wanted to be hers but you still wanted to be your own, not willing to
give yourself over to her. I know, I know the stars told me. I heard
them singing that night she left. She gave you some measure of peace and
you wanted more but you would not pay the price. So, I found him, I found
him and made him mine. A gift for you. Take him to her, she will give
you him. I know she will.” Dru crooned as she rocked William in her
arms, cradling his head to her chest, dark eyes boring into his.

He pulled them to their feet, seeing William’s face shifted into its true
features for the first time. “Come, it is nearly dawn. We must go, we
shall see her tomorrow night.” He led them from the stables, a dull ache
forming inside.

London – 1895

He slumped against the stone wall, the coolness calming his rage. He
could still see the glint of silver on that human’s neck as he stood next
to the Mistress, next to HIS Mistress. So, she had found a mate. And
given him the amulet. The amulet that should have been his. He was a
true mate for her, a true match for her. He could have loved her and they
could have done such glorious things, could have wreaked such havoc as had
never before been seen. But, no, she had taken up with a human. A
mortal. Someone who would die. She would rather have decaying flesh than
him, would rather set aside her power and glory for that, that thing. He
turned for Spike then howled in rage when he realized that his adopted
childe was gone as well. Gone to her. He knew that Spike had gone to
her. Even his childe was not truly his. And now she had placed herself
under the rule of a human. His food. His food meant more to her than he
did. Fine. She would pay for her folly, pay and pay and pay again. And
he knew just how to do it. She had given him the knowledge and now he
would put it to use. He stood and a slow smile crossed his face. Yes, he
knew exactly what to do.

Angel ran a shaky hand across his face, tears staining the strands in his
hand. Still soft, still smooth after all the long, lonely decades. He
could still feel where she had kissed his cheek, the warmth of it clinging
to his skin. He was damned, well and truly damned. After all this time,
after all he had done, all she had done to him, all he had deserved, he
wanted that just one more time. To feel her touch him just one more time.
He brought their hair to his lips and kissed the braid reverently, still
able to smell her scent. He placed it back in the box, locking it and
placing it on the low table, key still in the lock. He lay back, closing
his eyes and feeling her settle next to him. Damned. Well and truly
damned.

Sunnydale

Giles whistled happily as he opened The Magic Box. It was a beautiful,
sunny day and he had just received a new shipment of crystals that he knew
he would be able to quickly sell. And at a steep mark up. Besides that
shipment, the Council had sent four huge crates of books. They were
finally realizing his worth to them. Demon activity was at an all time
low and his adopted family was well. A small crease formed at that
thought. Well but for Xander’s odd actions. He shrugged slightly. The
boy had always been odd, this was simply the latest manifestations. The
tension that he had been living with ever since the Mistress arrived was
fading. She had taken no moves against them, not even after what he now
admitted, but only to himself, had been their ill conceived confrontation
with Xander. At first he thought that she was simply biding her time and
his anxiety sharpened. But it had been months now, and she had done
nothing. Not one them had so much as seen her. He settled his packages
on the table and headed into the back to make coffee.

“Good morning, Watcher. Here, figured you would like it black.” Kat
peered at him from where she was sitting on the counter, holding out the
mug.

Giles automatically reached out, hands shaking so badly that the coffee
spilled over the rim of the mug and down his hand. He didn’t even feel
the pain as the hot liquid burnt his flesh. “How did you get in?” An
idiotic question, but it was all he could think to say. **Surely I don’t
want those to be my last words** He throat constricted at the thought.

“Does it really matter? Please, sit down, you look as if you just saw
death.” The pleasant smile never left her face, but her eyes were cold. 
Giles sank to the floor, unable to move any further than that.

She gracefully hopped off the counter and sank to the floor facing him,
sipping from her own mug. “Good taste, mate. Nice strong beans.” She
took another sip, then set the mug down next to his.

“Let’s get this over with, shall we? I just got in after driving back
from L.A. last night with two very, very hyper children.” She shook her
head slightly at the thought. “I really should have just let Spike
drive.” She let out a quick laugh, then looked up, staring straight into
Giles’ eyes. “When was the Council planning on coming for Xander? He is
nearly 24 now. Were they waiting for you to tell them that he was finally
showing some signs of power or was there some kind of deadline?”

He could actually feel the temperature in the room drop as she spoke, the
chill of her words slicing through his flesh. He shuddered out a reply. 
“Mistress, it wasn’t like that, I, I, they were waiting to see what would
happen,” he stopped short, knowing he could not lie to her.

“All this time. All this time and you knew what he was, the power he has.
And you still put him out there, knowing full fucking well that every two
bit demon with delusions of grandeur would head straight for him. You
sick fuck. Why did you even bother with trying to understand the
prophecies? All you had to do was wave Xander in front of the Hellmouth
and they would just come right to you.” She leaned closer, shattering
whatever calm he retained. “And they simply encouraged you. I can just
picture it, the joy when you told them what you found. The chance to
actually watch one come into his own, watch as the powers emerged, molding
it to your will. Watching the little lab rat play.”

Giles flinched at that, her words striking like blows. “It, it wasn’t
like that, I didn’t, I didn’t realize,” he took off his glasses, trying to
blur her fury as best he could, the familiar sting of guilt biting into
him. “It wasn’t until, until he came back after that summer away that I
knew, not until after the Ascension. I swear it.” He stared into the
floor, the weight of all his lies finally bowing him down.

She grabbed the back of his head, forcing him to meet her gaze. “Oh, I
know that, Watcher. I understand. And I understand why you never told
him. What good would it have done, you could never have trained him. 
That’s not what I am judging you for.”

A sob escaped him at those words. There was only judgment she could
reach, only one choice. He was guilty, through and through. He
remembered so clearly looking into Xander’s guileless eyes that day and
sensing the power there, suddenly seeing the gift nestled in that innocent
soul. Guilty again and again. Using him time after time to draw out
whatever beast it was that he could not find. Using him as bait. 
Exposing him to the Council without a second thought, with no hesitation,
knowing this would secure his glory. Watcher of the oldest surviving
Slayer. Finder of an empath before his powers came into fruition. Guilty
again and again. Judged by himself during those sleepless nights. Her
judgments were cruel but true. And he deserved it.

“No, I’m judging you for letting him go with no training, for exposing him
to such harm with nothing more than his own heart and soul for
protection.” Kat’s voice broke through his haze and his eyes grew wide as
he met her gaze again. “That is your crime. Letting him think he was
nothing. Nothing.” She spat the words into his face then released him
with a start, striding furiously down the length of the room. “How you
could do that is beyond even me. And you know the things I have done. It
is cruel beyond words. I understand that you needed to seal off your
heart, you knew what his fate would be once the Council took him. But to
be so cruel,” she shook her head and whirled back to face him. “That is
enough to earn you damnation. You deserve to die for that alone.”

Giles shook as Kat reached out a hand, grabbing his forearm and pulling
him to his feet. She pulled him over to the table and pushed him into a
chair. He tilted his head back, waiting for the sting of the blade to
come. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see it happen, not wanting to
make it worse than it was. He heard the scrape of metal and shivered,
knowing these were the last breaths he would take. Long moments passed
and nothing happened. Finally, he opened his eyes, unable to bear the
torture.

Kat sat next to him, whetting her knife, eyes gone dangerously gray. 
“Fortunately for you, Xander still cares for you. No matter how little
you deserve it. So, you are safe from me. For the moment.” A small
flick of her wrist and the knife spun, embedding the tip into the center
of the table.

“What, what, why, Xander cares, why would that matter,” a chill spread
through him as her lips curved up.

“Simple. Xander is now my kin. What is precious to him is precious to
me. You are precious to him. Hell knows why, all you have ever done is
lie to him. But he does not know that. He does not know that you know. 
I have come to offer you a deal, Watcher. You keep the Slayer in line,
you keep the witches in line, you keep them from doing anything rash, and
I will keep your secret. I will never allow Xander to discover that you
knew and that you sold him for your own pride.” Kat leaned over him,
placing her hands on his chest. “This is a one time offer. And it’s not
negotiable.” She left her hands there, burning with barely restrained
power into his chest, his heart beating in time to hers.

“Any thing you wish, Mistress, I am yours to serve,” Giles stammered out. 
He went still as her words finally penetrated. “Never allow him to
discover. Then he knows what he is now? He finally met his mate?” An
involuntary smile crossed his face. No wonder she was being so
possessive. “Congratulations. He is a fine man.”

Her laugh filled the room as she leaned back. “Yes, he is at that. But,
he’s not mine.” Her eyes danced as shock registered on his face. Yes,
much better than simply killing him outright. Much better. Especially
once he realized the ramifications of his agreement.

“But if Xander knows what he is? Mistress, but I thought it was only when
he had finally met his true love, only when he finally had that love
returned, only then would the power be released?” Comprehension dawned
and horror crept over his features. “Spike, please gods, not that, not
Spike.” Giles dropped his head, tears falling again. “No, please gods,
not Xander, not Spike, not a vampire, no, gods, he cannot have been
turned.” His head snapped back from the force of the slap.

“Oh, try to pull it together, Watcher. Whatever happened to all that
stiff British inability to display emotion now? Been in the colonies too
much, methinks. Yes, Spike. No, he hasn’t been turned. Xander gave
himself to Spike freely and Spike did the same. Spike loves him, would
never turn him. Not that it matters now. Xander asked to be mine. 
Asked, Watcher, asked to be made mine. Asked. He is now part of my
order, voluntarily joined. Spike couldn’t turn him even if he would.” A
gentle smile now as she pictured her boys, spilled across Xander’s bed,
fast asleep, tangled together. The smile faded as she turned back.

“Dear merciful gods,” Giles breathed out, torn between horror and awe. 
Spike, Xander and Kat. One family. Unstoppable. “Has Spike claimed
him?”

“Yes. At Xander’s request. Remember that, it was Xander who wished this.
Nothing has been forced on him.” She held his gaze, burning the truth
into his mind.

“They will never understand,” he felt his stomach clench, picturing
Buffy’s response to this. “They will never understand,” feverishly
repeated. “They will assume you’ve taken him captive, Mistress. That you
forced him into this. They will try to get him back. You know Buffy will
try to stake Spike.”

“Know this, Watcher. They are mine now. Both of them. My kin. My
order. My family. A hand raised to them is a hand raised to me. If any
of them do a single thing to harm Alexander, I will declare war. Nothing
less. This is your only warning. It is your duty to train her. To teach
her. And if you have taught her only hate, if you have taught her only
black and white, if you have failed to teach her nuance and change and
redemption, if you have taught her nothing but that, then you shall reap
what you have sown.” Kat turned her back on him. “You shall live. For
now. Control your Slayer, Watcher. If nothing else, teach her this. I
am to be feared. If she can comprehend nothing else, teach her that.” 
She moved to the front of the store, pausing for a moment in the door,
backlit by the sun, a corona of light about her. “And tell the Council I
want my book back.” She left, slamming the door behind her.

Part Thirteen  

Xander exhaled slowly, letting the air out through his nose. He squinted
slightly, trying to close out the sounds around him. Focus, focus. The
edges of his vision started to go black and he breathed slower and slower,
willing his mind to maintain this edge. Focus. Focus. He started when
he heard the door slam behind him.

“Damn it, Spike. I told you to be quiet.” Kat hissed out, shooting Spike
a nasty glare.

Xander shook his head, clearing the image from his mind. “I’m never going
to get this.” The frustration was apparent in his voice as he shifted on
the cushions. “I’m just not any good at this.” Another sigh of
frustration as the candle blew out. “Don’t even know why you’re
bothering, not like I pick things up quickly. Never good at learning
anything.” He started to reach out to light the candle again, only to
have his wrist caught in Kat’s hand.

“Stop that. Now. I’m sick of hearing you belittle yourself. Xander,
we’ve only been working on this for a day and you’re already able to start
blocking the outside world. It’s only been what, not even 48 hours since
you’ve been able to tap your power. You’re doing very well, much better
than I ever expected.” She released his wrist and took his chin in her
hand, locking her eyes on his. “Alexander, you listen to me. Once you’re
able to control things a little more, I’m going in there and rooting out
whatever this is that makes you think that you aren’t special. God damn
them for doing this to you.” Her eyes flickered slightly and Xander could
feel the restraint she was displaying in his bones.

Spike’s hands dropped to Xander’s shoulders as Kat sat back. He leaned
down and dropped a quick kiss on Xander’s forehead. “And then I’m going
to do whatever it takes to make you realize that you’re worthy of this.”

Xander nodded, overwhelmed by their faith in him. He wasn’t used to this,
wasn’t used to being around people who valued him for him. It was still
shocking. Especially since he could tell they meant it. He closed his
eyes, concentrating on feeling them in his mind. It was strange, having
other people as a part of him. Strange and natural at the same time. It
was like they occupied spaces he never knew were empty until they were
filled. He bowed his head as he felt Spike’s hands massaging his
shoulders, relieving the stress that had built. He curled his thoughts
around the sensation, letting a feeling of contentment wash through him,
sending it to Spike, letting him know how good it felt, how it showed that
Spike did love him, how these small gestures meant almost as much as the
words.

“Xander,” Spike’s voice broke into the spell. “Bloody hell, can feel
you,” he stopped, unable to find the words.

“Xander,” Kat’s voice low in his ear. “That’s it, just concentrate on
Spike. Think about how this feels, how safe, keep that centered in your
mind.”

Xander nodded, the rest of the world slipping away, until nothing remained
but Spike’s hands, Spike’s mind, the feeling of utter safety and
contentment that came from being with his lover. Nothing remained but
that. He was vaguely aware that Kat was moving next to him, that Spike
had stepped back, but it didn’t matter. He could still feel Spike there
with him.

“Time to come back now,” Kat’s voice gentle in his ear. Reluctantly, he
opened his eyes. Amazed, he stared at the clock. An hour had gone past
without him realizing it. It felt like mere seconds.

“What, what was that?” He was a little frightened, how could he have lost
so much time without realizing it?

“That was you concentrating. Think we’ve found an image for you to use as
your touchstone. Should have thought of this sooner.” Kat handed him a
glass of water as he got to his feet, his legs stiff from sitting still
for so long. She led him into the kitchen, Spike moving behind her,
getting Xander some food. He took it gratefully, suddenly ravenous.

“Not too shabby for someone who thinks they can’t pick up anything new,”
Kat settled down next to him at the table, Spike sliding a plate of pasta
in front of her as well. “Not too shabby at all. Found your image, now
just have to work on centering on that while still remaining in touch with
the outside world.” She twirled the noodles on her fork and took a bite.

“Why, what, I don’t get it.” Xander took another drink of water, hands
shaking slightly. This was all still so hard to get used to, that he
could feel what others were thinking and feeling. Frankly, it scared him
a little. What if he got lost in someone else’s mind?

“Have to find you a safe place, something that is absolutely yours, some
image you can concentrate on to keep yourself whole.” She turned to look
at him, completely serious for once. “Xander, I’m not going to lie. 
Things are going to be very intense for a little while. Right now, if
you’re not careful, you are going to get overwhelmed by everyone else,
especially when you touch them. So, this way, if you do, if you
concentrate on Spike’s touch, that will bring you back to yourself, will
let you deal with what you are feeling.”

Spike sat next to Xander, his mug of blood in his hand. “Don’t want you
going out without one of us with you for a little bit, luv. Don’t want
anything happening to you.”

Xander merely nodded his assent. “I understand. Have to admit, it was a
little wiggy when I stopped at work today to tell them I was quitting. 
Told them that I came into some money and everyone was really happy for
me, but, well, it was weird, like I could see that no matter how happy
they were, they were jealous too.”

It was true, he left early that morning, reluctantly leaving the warm
haven of his bed and Spike to give notice. It was the least he could do,
they had been so good to him and he fully intended to work for the next
two weeks. His boss was a little annoyed a first, assuming that Xander
was taking another job. So Xander told him the partial truth, that he had
come into some money and wouldn’t need to work ever again. That produced
hearty handshakes and backslaps all around, along with some good-natured
teasing. But underneath it he could almost see the eddying currents of
jealousy. Nothing was said and the happiness his friends at work
displayed was overpowering the other. But it was still there. His boss
scoffed at making him work the next two weeks. In exchange, Xander bought
them all a huge lunch and promised to stop in to visit often. It was good
to know that they really did like him there.

They ate companionably in silence, each lost in their own thoughts until
the sudden trill of the phone interrupted the quiet. Xander grabbed the
phone just before Spike did.

“Hello,” Xander frowned at the phone. He didn’t really feel like dealing
with anyone else right now. He just wanted to stay here, in his house
where he felt secure. Just stay here with Spike and maybe Kat a little
too. Just enjoy what was now his before dealing with reality.

“Hey, Xander.” Willow’s cheery voice came down the line and he perked up
a bit. Willow, well maybe he could deal with Willow. She would at least
listen to him before freaking out. “How was your weekend away?”

“Good, had a really interesting time.” He smiled into the phone at the
inadequacy of the words. But what was he supposed to say “Oh, great,
Wills, found out that I have special powers, had Kat make me immortal,
found out that Spike and I share this cosmic bond, had him claim me too. 
And how was your weekend.” No, that wouldn’t go over too well.

“I’m glad. Listen, can you meet me for dinner tomorrow? Haven’t really
had a chance to just sit and catch up with you in awhile and I miss you.” 
Willow bit down on her lip, hoping he wouldn’t hear the desperation in her
voice. She was really worried about him, he hadn’t seemed like the old
Xander in weeks.

“Umm, let me check, not sure if I’m supposed to be doing something
tomorrow,” Xander hit the mute button and turned back to Spike and Kat. 
“It’s Willow, she wants me to meet her for dinner tomorrow. I kinda have
to go. If I don’t they’ll just get suspicious again.” Ever since that
day they had pulled the scene on his front lawn, he had been careful to
spend more time with them, going patrolling at least twice a week, calling
Willow at least every other day, Buffy a few times a week. Enough to make
sure that they left him alone.

“No,” Spike’s response was immediate. “Not going to let her give you
shit, Xander.” There was no way that Xander could hide the scar on his
eyebrow. And the bite mark was still livid and bright.

“Have to. If I say no, then she’ll just get insistent and will want to
come over tonight. You know how she gets.” Xander sighed, knowing he
couldn’t put this off.

“He’s right, Spike. Tell you what, meet her at that Mexican place by the
mall, I’ll take you. If there’s any problem, I’ll come running.” Kat
squeezed Spike’s hand. “You’ll be fine, Xander.”

He nodded and hit the button. “Nope, free tomorrow. How about Mexican? 
I’ll meet you at that place by the mall, say 7:00?”

“Sounds good, Xander. Are you coming out with us tonight?” Willow chewed
on her pencil, relieved that Xander agreed so easily.

“No, tired from the trip. See you tomorrow.” He hung up quickly, not
wanting to be questioned any more. He rested his head on the wall, not
sure he was up to this.

“It’ll be fine, Xander. I’ll come over tomorrow afternoon and we can
practice some more. Teach you how to call for me. That way, if it gets
to be too much, I’ll just come and get you.” Kat took her plate to the
sink, then gathered up her jacket. “I’m going to get going, I’m sure you
two want to be alone.” She kissed them both, then headed out. “Back
around 2:00. Please be clothed.”

They waved goodbye from the door and then moved back to sit on the couch. 
Spike immediately pulled Xander over, turning him so that his back rested
on Spike’s chest, Spike’s chin on his shoulder.

“How are you really, Xander? I know this has to be overwhelming for you.”
Spike nuzzled Xander’s neck slightly, just barely moving his lips on the
skin. He just wanted to taste his lover, just a little, just enough to
tell that Xander was his, was finally and totally his.

“I’m not sure.” Xander picked up one of Spike’s hands, turning it over to
trace the lines on the palm. “It’s like, all of a sudden I’ve been given
everything I could want and I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. 
Like, I can’t really have it all without there being something nasty
waiting in the wings to come and take it away. Like, oh, you can be with
Spike forever but by the way, we’re going to take your soul. Or, you can
feel what everyone else is thinking but you won’t be able to shut it out
and you’ll go insane. And then Spike will be left with another Dru.”

Spike’s grip on his waist tightened as he listened to the fear in Xander’s
voice. “It’s not like that, you know that, don’t you, Xander? She would
never do that to you. She would never do that to me.” Spike pressed a
kiss into Xander’s brow. “Have to stop expecting the worst, Xander. You
do deserve this, you know.” He couldn’t keep the low rumble from escaping
him. He hated this, he didn’t know how to make Xander believe this was
real, that he deserved all the good the world had to offer, all the good
that Spike could possibly give him. He leaned back, moving them so that
he was facing Xander.

“Is that not what you want,” Spike forced himself to keep his voice
steady. “If I’m not what you want, I can go, give you some time to get
used to how things are now,” his voice wavered, but he kept his gaze
steady. “I know that I should have asked first, should have found out if
this is what you wanted, forever is an awfully long time, I should never
have presumed,”

The words were cut off by Xander’s mouth on his. “Shut up. That’s not
what I meant. Or maybe exactly what I meant. I wanted to be yours. 
Forever. Was seriously considering asking Willow for the spell so that I
could beg Kat to take the chip out, at least for a little bit so that you
could turn me. Figured if you turned me then did the spell immediately,
then I would still be me. Then we could have forever. That’s what I
wanted, that’s what I’ve always wanted. Just can’t believe I could have
it without some nasty consequences.” Xander leaned back in, dropping a
kiss on the scar in Spike’s eyebrow. “That’s all I meant. Of course I
want you.”

Spike nodded back, relief washing over him. “Are going to be some
consequences, you know. What the hell are you going to tell Red about the
scar?” He ran a finger down it, smiling at the sight. He liked seeing
this more than seeing his own mark, not that he would ever admit it. His
mark just marked Xander as his. This marked Xander as his forever. 
Besides, it made him look even sexier than before. Spike licked his lips,
arousal growing with every trace of his fingers on Xander’s skin.

“The truth. Part of it anyway. Worry about that tomorrow.” Xander ran
the tip of his tongue along Spike’s scar, feeling Spike’s touch jitter on
his face as he did so. He traced the scar again, slower this time,
dragging out the motion, Spike’s hand starting to shake on his skin. He
moved down the side of Spike’s face, trailing burning kisses along the
clean line of his jaw. Spike shifted, dropping one leg to the floor, the
other tucked behind Xander’s back. Xander nestled in, pressing his chest
into Spike’s. He reached out, trailing one hand through the white hair
while the other ran along Spike’s thigh. He moved his mouth down to
Spike’s neck, biting a little more firmly now, raising tiny bruises that
faced almost as quickly as they were formed. Spike’s hands roamed over
his back, fingers pressing them tightly together. He smiled, then bit
down on Spike’s neck, sucking as hard as he could, determined to place a
more lasting mark there. A sharp hiss greeted his actions and he sucked
harder.

“Xander,” Spike groaned, forcing his eyes open. “Can we move this to the
bed, more room there.”

Xander didn’t answer, he merely pulled back, then quickly stood, adjusting
himself as he did so. He reached out a hand, pulling Spike with him,
dragging Spike behind him as they made their way to the bedroom. He led
Spike directly to the bed, then pushed the vampire back so that he was
lying flat on his back.

“Gods, you’re beautiful,” Xander whispered into Spike mouth as he quickly
unbuttoned Spike’s shirt. “Wish you could see yourself, so beautiful,” he
felt Spike’s hands pulling up his shirt and he reached a hand back,
yanking it over his head and throwing it into the corner. Spike leaned
up, working his arms out of his shirt as well. Xander threw that aside as
well, then leaned back down, missing the feel of Spike’s mouth on his. He
collapsed onto Spike’s chest, grateful as always that he didn’t have to
worry about crushing the vampire, that Spike’s strength could easily
support them both.

Spike turned them so that they were lying side by side, somehow managing
to maintain contact with Xander’s lips the entire time. Hands roamed over
Xander’s chest, mapping the hard planes, fingers playing with the nipples,
teasing them to hard points. “Please,” moaned into his ear as he bent a
head to lap at a nipple. “Please,” harsher now, Xander panting above him.
He quickly unbuttoned Xander’s jeans, relieving some of the pressure. He
rolled Xander on his back, working his hands into the waistband of the
jeans, slowly tugging them down, smiling smugly at finding no other
fabric. “You’ve learned well, young padawan.”

Xander’s startled laughter distracted Spike enough to let Xander pop the
buttons open on his jeans. “Had a good teacher, now didn’t I?” Xander
quickly stripped Spike of his t-shirt and jeans, running appreciative
hands along the ridges of Spike’s abdomen. He worked his own jeans off,
then turned back to Spike, reaching up to grab the lube from next to the
lamp. He opened the tube, then pressed it into Spike’s hand, drawing his
legs up on the bed as he did so, eyes darkening in anticipation.

Spike slowly coated his fingers, taking care to warm the gel before
pressing into Xander’s opening. He started a slow rhythm, letting
Xander’s body adjust, relishing the heat that surrounded him. Slowly, he
added a second digit, spreading them slightly, moving in time to the low
hums of pleasure coming from the body before him. He felt Xander’s
breathing begin to speed and he increased his pace, adding a third finger,
then a fourth. They moved faster, Spike curling his fingers up and
around, twisting and finding the gland as he did so. A loud moan greeted
his actions and he repeated the action, smiling as he did so. He still
couldn’t tell what brought him the most pleasure, feeling Xander or
watching Xander’s reactions to his touch. He withdrew his fingers,
coating his erection thoroughly then placing the tip at Xander’s entrance.

“Ready, luv?” Xander merely hooked his legs over Spike’s shoulders in
reply, eyes closed in bliss. Spike slowly pushed his way in, moving
carefully, not wanting to cause even the slightest hint of pain. Soon, he
was completely enveloped, and he gave himself over the heat surrounding
him, drowning in the sensation of being completely one with his love. 
Closing his eyes, he began to thrust, dragging out the motion, content to
keep up the steady pace. He opened his eyes when he felt Xander’s hand on
his cheek.

“Spike, look at me,” Xander panted out. Spike looked down, sucking in a
breath at what he saw. All Xander felt was there in his eyes, his soul
laid bare for Spike to see. He thrust harder, never losing sight of
Xander’s eyes. He could feel Xander inside him, could feel the love and
need and want rush through his body. A sense of utter rightness struck
him and he knew, he knew as surely as if it were his own thought that
Xander wanted him, loved him, needed him, that forever wasn’t enough, that
nothing, nothing would ever be enough. That there were no words to
explain, no touch intimate enough, nothing would ever be enough, they
could never be close enough.

“Xander, love you,” Spike panted out, leaning down to kiss along the
golden skin of Xander’s neck. He felt a hand press between their bodies
as Xander began to stroke himself.

“Please, do it. Bite me, William, please,” frantic in his ear. He
shuddered, then let his fangs drop down, tracing them over Xander’s neck. 
No pain. No pain. Slowly, he sank them into Xander’s neck, biting back
into his mark, parting the flesh once again. He drank in time to their
thrusts, tasting their essences mixed together. He raised his head as
orgasm struck, unable to speak, unable to feel anything but their blood
moving in his veins, feeling Xander shudder beneath him, joining him in
bliss. He collapsed down, burying his head in Xander’ neck, idly lapping
up the blood that still oozed out.

“So, guess the exception still holds,” Xander managed to get out. He
could still feel Spike in his veins, could still feel their unity even
now. He shuddered slightly. Gods, it felt better than anything he could
ever imagine.

“Guess so, pet.” Spike shifted slightly, pulling out as he did so. They
both groaned at the loss of contact. He nestled back down, idly cleaning
Xander with the sheet as he did so. He propped himself up on an elbow,
tracing Xander’s lips with his other hand. “You called me William.”

Xander just smiled into Spike’s touch. “Yeah, why, don’t you like it?” 
He sighed happily as Spike settled onto his chest.

“No, like it very much. Makes me feel like I’m whole.” Spike muttered,
drifting off to sleep. “Like I’m complete.”

“Me too,” Xander replied sleepily, drifting away himself. “Me too.”

Xander ran a nervous hand through his hair for the tenth time in the fast
five minutes. Kat reached over and squeezed his hand gently. “It’s going
to be just fine.” She turned back to watching the road, leaving her hand
in his. “Just remember, if things get too intense, just close your eyes,
concentrate on picturing my face, and say that you need me to come. I’ll
be right there. I’m just going to be at the bar anyway, so you can always
just come and get me yourself.”

“I know, don’t know why I’m so nervous, I mean, I know Willow, she just
wants the best for me, I know that she’ll at least listen.” Xander looked
out the window, battling back his nervousness. It was only dinner with
Willow, after all. He looked into the mirror, running a finger along the
bite mark on his neck. He supposed he could have worn something to cover
it, but he didn’t really want to, they would all find out soon enough no
matter what he did. And besides, he was proud of it.

She pulled in, parked and they got out of the car. Xander took her hand
again as they entered the restaurant, slightly ashamed at needing the
reassurance, but needing it nonetheless. He walked her over to the bar,
then took a deep breath and turned to find Willow.

“Xander, don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” He heard her voice quietly call to
him as he turned away. He nodded as he walked into the restaurant,
steeling his spine as he did so. He quickly spotted the back of Willow’s
head. She was sitting in a booth and he made his way over, taking deep
breaths as he did so.

“Hey, Wills,” he sat down across from her, then went still when he saw who
was sitting next to her. “Buffy, what are you doing here?” He couldn’t
stop the displeasure from creeping into his voice.

“Willow said you were meeting for dinner so I figured I would tag along,”
Buffy looked up at him, then went perfectly still. “Xander, what is that
on your eyebrow?”

Willow simply stared at him, mouth open in shock. “Xander, please tell me
that’s not a bite mark on your neck.”

Buffy glared at him, then pulled out a stake. “So, that’s how it is. 
Lying to us the whole time, weren’t you. Gods, how could you be so
stupid.”

“That’s enough, both of you. It’s not like that,” Xander felt his cheeks
flush as the anger built inside him. “First, of all, yes, that is a bite
mark. And before you ask, yes, Spike gave it to me. But he didn’t turn
me so you can just put that stake away, Buffy. Second, that thing in my
eyebrow is a scar. Pretty sure you know what it means by now.”

Silence fell as their waitress brought over the menus. “I’ll have a vodka
rocks, Skye if you’ve got it.” He knew he would need the alcohol to try
to get through this.

“So, what does this mean, Xander. Just what the hell are you thinking, I
knew that they had some kind of control over you.” Buffy tried to keep
her voice low, but the hiss sounded sharply in Xander’s ear. “Why on
earth would you let Spike bite you, you know how dangerous he is.”

“Xander, I have to agree. Just because he’s got the chip,” Willow’s
forehead crinkled at those words. “Wait a minute. How could Spike bite
you if he still has the chip. Oh, goddess, he got the chip out, Buffy, he
got the chip out, Xander why didn’t you say something,” Willow’s voice
grew higher and higher, panic starting to tinge her words. She started to
stand. “Buffy, we have to go find him, if he got the chip out.”

“Sit down, Willow.” He put as much authority as he could muster into the
words, faintly surprised when Willow sank back down. “No, he didn’t get
the chip out. He was able to bite me because I asked him to, because I
wanted him to.” He smiled up at the waitress as she brought their drinks,
then took a fortifying swallow. “He bit me because I asked him to claim
me.” He watched their eyes go wide in shock.

“Claim you, but vampires only do that to their mates,” Willow said slowly.
“Xander, Xander, what are you saying, you and Spike?”

“Gods, no, Xander.” Buffy looked at him, disgust plain on her face. 
“C’mon this is some kind of sick joke. Not funny, Xander, not funny at
all.”

“Not a joke. I’m with Spike. Have been for a few months now. I love
him. He loves me.” Xander took another drink, then forged on into the
shocked silence. “Oh please, don’t act all shocked. Of course,” he
turned to Buffy, an ironic smile on his face. “Owe you an apology for
being so nasty to you about Angel.” His voice shook a little when he said
the name, but he forged ahead. “Guess this is kind of amusing, now it’s
my turn to have the undead lover.” His smile widened as he thought about
how he left Spike sitting on the kitchen counter, obsessively smoking and
muttering low threats about what he would do if Xander came home upset.

“Fuck you, Xander. This is nothing like that. Angel had a soul. Angel
loved me. Spike’s just playing some sick mind game with you.” Buffy
leaned over the table, her eyes blazing. “Don’t you dare compare that
fiend to my Angel. Angel would never do any of the things Spike’s done. 
And you know that.”

It took everything in him not to slap her. “You know, Buff, it must be
nice to be so naïve. Spike wasn’t the only one called the Scourge of
Europe you know. Besides, if you knew some of what I know, think it would
change your mind. Tell you what, why don’t you call your precious Angel
and ask him just what he did to make Kat declare revenge on him. Might be
surprised. Or did you just assume that she was evil and was going after
him for no reason?” He turned back to Willow, a little concerned at how
quiet she was. “Willow, awfully quiet, don’t you have anything to say?”

Willow looked at him, tears in her eyes. “Why do you have the scar? Did
she mark you, did she make you be hers? Do you know what it means, it
means you are her slave. Xander, what have you done?” Willow’s cry
carried through the restaurant and every head turned in their direction.

“Not like that. I asked her to do it. She didn’t make me do anything. I
asked them both. Can’t you guys give me any credit, you’re acting like
they brainwashed me or something. Nothing could be further from the
truth. I asked. I wanted this. I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my
life.” His voice started to shake as they simply stared at him, their
faces implacable. “Fuck, do you both really think I’m that easy to sway? 
Just what the hell do you think I am, some kind of fool.”

“No, not a fool, but, Xander, you have to admit, you have been used in the
past. And they’re evil, I mean, can’t you see that?” Willow reached over
to him, trying to take his hands.

Xander flinched back when she touched him, her emotions washing over him
suddenly, too suddenly. He took a deep breath, focusing on sorting out
what he felt. Fear, anger, betrayal, confusion. He closed his eyes
briefly, frantically sorting out the rest. Pity and hatred for Spike. 
But no trust. No trust. Not for Spike. Not for Kat. And not for him. 
He opened his eyes and dropped her hand. “Is that true, Wills? Is it? 
You don’t know Kat, you only know what Giles has told you. And as for
Spike, let me ask you this, when was the last time he had to be threatened
into helping us? You know, that’s one of the first things I noticed when
Spike and I started to become friends. That it had been months since we
had to threaten him or pay him. Months upon months. Spike had been
helping us because he wanted to, not because we were making him. For
hells sake, once he realized that he could hurt demons don’t you think he
could have moved on? But he didn’t, he stayed. And none of you ever
bothered to find out why.”

“Xander, please, whatever it is they’ve done to you, we’ll be able to fix
it. You can’t honestly believe that Spike is of the good.” Buffy shook
her head, sighing as she did so. “Whatever mess you’ve gotten yourself
into, we’ll get you out of it.”

“Buffy, what makes you think this is some mess. I’m happy. I’m whole. I
want this. I want Spike. I want to be part of Kat’s family. Can’t you
just be happy for me?” He shook his head as the waitress hovered at the
table. “Still need some time, thanks.”

“Happy for you? Happy for you? You’re hanging out with a vampire and
someone who Giles call the Executioner and you want me to be happy?” 
Buffy flushed, leaning back against the booth. “Not going to happen,
Xander. Now come on, let’s go, get you back to the Magic Box, get Giles
and do the research thing and we’ll have you back to yourself in no time. 
Willow, move, let’s get going.”

“No.” Xander pounded down the last of his drink, hoping that would help
take the edge off his anger. “You know, Buffy, it must be nice to see
things so clearly. Of course, don’t remember you being this way about
Angel.” He held up a hand, cutting off her furious response. “And don’t
even start with the whole ‘But he had a soul’ thing. Trust me, it’s no
different with Spike. Everyone changes. We’ve changed. So has Spike. 
And as far as Kat being the Executioner, have you ever bothered to ask why
she would kill the Watchers? Think about it. People are usually executed
for some crime. But you’ve never even thought to ask. You know, things
usually aren’t as simple as they seem. Gods, not everything is black and
white all the time. Spike will never hurt me. He would stake himself
before he hurt me.”

“Xander, you can’t know that,” Willow looked at him, tears in her eyes. 
“You know that if he gets the chip out he’ll turn you. You know that,
right?”

“No. He won’t. Can’t actually, but that’s not the point. The point is
that I’m with Spike. You can accept it or you can’t. Simple as that.” 
Xander stared at them, growing weary of the fight. He could see that they
weren’t going to accept this, weren’t even going to give him the benefit
of the doubt. “Look guys, don’t make me choose. Because you won’t like
the choice.”

Buffy looked at him, distaste burning in her eyes. “So that’s how it is? 
You’ll just turn your back on us, go off and play with your demon.” She
looked over at Willow who had tears streaming down her face. “You’ll hurt
your oldest friend. For what? A soulless demon who is just using you. 
Fine, if that’s what you want, just go ahead. Don’t come running back to
us when it goes bad though. You make this choice, you make it for good.”

“Fine.” Xander rose, tossing a few bills on the table. “Here, have
dinner on me. By the way, Buffy, Willow, I always wondered just what you
thought of me. Guess I just found out. Have a nice life. Willow, call
me if you want. Buffy, you can go to hell.” He turned on his heel and
walked away, seeing Kat standing at the entrance, eyes dark. He simply
walked out the door, not looking back.

Willow turned to Buffy, her breath hitching as she struggled to breathe
through her sobs. “Buffy, please, why did you have to be so harsh?”

Buffy just pushed her as she struggled to get out of the booth. “Harsh? 
I wasn’t harsh enough. But something is going on. Let’s go find Giles,
have to figure out some way to break whatever spell they have on Xander. 
Then I’m going to hunt Spike down and stake him, should have done it a
long time ago.” She pulled Willow after her, focused on nothing but the
hate rising inside her.

Part Fourteen  

Xander stared out the window, vaguely registering the trees passing in a blur. He was still shaky, still on edge. He had really done it, he had really just turned his back on the people who had for all intents and purposes been his family for the last eight years or so. And he had done it without even thinking twice. He rested his head on the window, closing his eyes at the sharp pang twisting his gut. The pain was all jumbled together, pain at losing his friends, pain at their complete lack of faith in him, pain at the look that crossed Willow's face as he walked away. Just pain. 
But he had done the right thing. Of that he had no doubt. He knew the moment that Buffy had started in on how he must be brainwashed or under some spell that he would be walking away. It was almost like his life before was nothing but a dress rehearsal for what his life was going to be now. Before, he thought he had friends who loved him, who cared about him, who accepted him for who he was. But now he knew that he was loved, knew that he was accepted, knew that he was wanted just for himself. So he hadn't even thought about it, he just got up and walked away. Sure, he left the door open for Willow, he would always leave a door open for Willow. But as for the rest, well, if that's what they thought of him, then he was better off without them. But that didn't make it hurt any less.
He came back to himself when her hand reached over and took his, squeezing gently, then letting go. A trickle of warmth crept up his arm and he opened his eyes, turning slightly to catch the quick glint of tears on her cheek.
"Hey, don't, they're not worth it," Xander swiped his thumb along her cheek, wiping the dampness away. "Besides, you're driving. Really need you to be able to see the road."
Kat snorted as she reached over to the phone, fingers automatically dialing the number. "First, you think they're worth it and that's all that matters. Second, trust me, I'm a much better driver than either of you. At least I'm not trying to drive and have sex at the same time."
Xander laughed as he heard the ringing over the speaker. "We did that once. Well, twice. Well, fine, the last three times that Spike was driving." 
"And that's why neither of you get to drive the Rover any more. Do you know the guy at the detailing place personally thanked me for putting his kids through college?" 
Xander just laughed harder, then tried to grab the phone out of the cradle when he heard Spike's voice. 
"Xander, Kat, hells, where are you, everything fine, are you on your way home?" Spike's voice sounded even more tense coming through tinny on the speaker.
"Spike, me. Did you get that stuff together?" Kat slapped Xander's hand away and picked up the phone, frowning slightly as she tried to balance it between her shoulder and ear while turning at the same time.
"Yeah, take it that it went just how you expected," Spike leaned back, kicking his boot against the wall. "Shit, how is he?" 
"Much better than I thought. Didn't call for me at all. Pack up and meet us there, think it'll be safer that way. Better get going, I'm fairly certain that they'll just head back to the Magic Box but there's no reason to take any chances. I'll swing back tomorrow and grab anything you left." Kat sighed, not happy at all that she was right.
"Right. Let me talk to him for a mo, then out the door." Spike pushed off the wall and paced over to the small collection of suitcases and duffel bags next to the door. "Sun'll be down by then."
"Sure, we'll be there before you. Meet you at the end of the driveway." She handed the phone to Xander, turning back to watch the road. "Here, wants to talk to you."
Xander grabbed the phone, speaking before it was even to his ear. "Spike, hey, should be home soon." He looked up, realizing they were heading away from his house. "Hold on." He placed a hand over the phone, turning to ask her just where they were going. 
"Going to my place, safer there. Talk to Spike, then I'll explain." She stared straight ahead and Xander raised the phone back to his lips.
"I'm back," he started only to be immediately cut off.
"Xander, are you all right, didn't do anything did they, if they hurt you," a low growl in his ear and he let out a long sigh.
"Went pretty horrible. Slayer wouldn't even listen to me, she was convinced you and Kat were using some kind of Jedi mind trick. And Willow was obsessed with the concept that the chip was out. Didn't listen to a word I said. Of course, that's nothing new." A bitter laugh at that and he heard the snarling coming from the other end. "But it's over now. They can't hurt me anymore." 
"Better not, luv. If they do, they better hope she gets there before I do." Spike forced the rage into the back of his mind, not wanting to upset Xander any further. "Gotta go, pet, have some stuff to do. See you in a bit. Not letting you out of my sight after that." 
Xander smiled slightly at the possessive tone. Like he would object to that. "See you soon." He hung up, resting the phone back in the cradle. "Um, why aren't we going back to the house?" 
She made the turn onto the road leading to her house. "My place. I think it's best you guys move in with me, at least for the time being. You know your friends, Xander, if they think you're in danger they are going to come for you. And you know that Buffy is going to come for Spike." The words were calm, but Xander could feel her quiet rage burning inside him. 
"I know, but I can take care of myself." It came out slightly more bitter than he meant it, but he was getting too tired to hold back.
"Not saying you can't, I know you can. I just don't want you to be put in the position of having to fight them. If everyone would just step back and calm down, I'm sure that you all will calm down. Then maybe you can try again." She turned up the driveway, pulling around and parking facing the road.
"Don't want to try again, they made it clear where they stood." Xander leaned back, tilting his head back to rest. He was tired, it had been a very long day.
"You might feel that way now, but, trust me, you don't want to leave things like this. They are yours friends and they are your family and you don't just want to walk away like this." Kat rested her forehead on the steering wheel, clenching and unclenching her hands. They were sore from holding the wheel so tight, sore from gripping so hard as she restrained her thoughts. Xander wasn't nearly strong enough yet to feel how worried she had been for him. 
"How can you defend them, fuck, you have no idea what they were saying, they didn't even want to try to understand," Xander bolted upright, his voice ringing in his ears. "Don't make excuses, you have no idea what it was like, having to listen to them belittle everything that means anything to me, you have no clue how much it hurt." He stopped as she turned, eyes blazing in the night. 
"Yes, I do and I'm not defending them. I'm just saying that they've been a very important part of your life for a long time, they're part of what makes you what you are and you shouldn't give up so easily." Kat placed a hand on his arm as he opened his mouth again. "I'm not saying to call Willow right now or to go hang with them at the Magic Box. Just don't give up so easily. They need a little time to get adjusted to the idea. I mean, you weren't so understanding about the whole Angel thing after all."
"It's not the same," he paused, shaking his head, trying to clear his thoughts. "How can you even compare this to that, can't believe you would do that, not the same at all." 
"But it is to them. Talk about this later, Spike's here." She smiled as Xander practically fell out when he yanked the door open, stumbling over his own feet as he ran to Spike's car.

"Giles, Giles," Buffy hollered as she ran into the store.
"Good heavens, Buffy, what is it?" Giles looked up from his book. His eyes widened in shock as Buffy skidded to a stop in front of him, Willow just a moment behind.
"Xander. They've done something to Xander. We just had dinner with him and he was saying all these weird things," Buffy panted, trying to catch her breath. "And when we tried to help he just stomped out. Giles, something strange is going on, have to figure it out." 
Giles set his book down, clearing his throat as he did so. "Could you be a little more specific, Buffy? This is Xander, he usually acts a little strange." 
"No, Giles, this was different. He had a scar in his eyebrow like Spike's and a bite, a bite mark on his neck, said it was Spike's. He said that Spike claimed him. Oh, Giles, he was acting so strange," Willow sank into a chair, voice cracking. 
"Oh, dear." Giles automatically reached up for his glasses. He should have known that they would find out sooner rather than later. 
"Oh, dear? That's all you can say, how about, oh no, or I know just what books to look in to break the hold they have." Buffy paced back and forth, turning a stake over and over in her hands. 
"Buffy, please, please, sit down for a moment, I need, there's something that I need to discuss with you." He gestured to the seat next to Willow, moving from behind the counter. Buffy sat down with a huff and Giles pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to gather his strength. This was not going to go well. 
"What exactly did Xander say, where were you?" There, stall for a moment, give him some time to gauge just how much he would have to say. 
"I, I asked him to come to dinner, I wanted to talk to him, haven't seen him much and I missed him. Told Buffy and she came along. Met at the Mexican place he likes by the mall. Saw the scar and the bite, bite mark as soon as he sat down. He said that he was with Spike, that he loved Spike, that Spike loved him and that he asked Kat to make him hers. Then Buffy said that we would help him, help him get away from them and he got all mad and he told Buffy not to make him choose and then, then he left." Willow let the words out in a rush, looking up to see Tara come in the door. She instantly stood, moving to take Tara's hand.
"Yeah, Giles, he was acting all creepy, do you know what they've done to him? Not that it really matters, but I would rather make sure he's fine before I stake Spike." Buffy drummed her fingers on the table, ready to get to work.
"Buffy," Giles settled next to her. "Willow, Tara, can you come over here, please? I only want to have to explain this once." The witches obediently came over, hearing the stress in his voice.
"First, I want to say that I understand how concerned you are. It is only to be expected. But you have to pay close attention to what I am about to tell you." He took a quick drink from his mug of tea. Stalling again. He locked eyes with his charge, trying to pin her with his gaze. "Xander is not under anyone's influence." He raised his hand as Buffy and Willow started to speak. "Be still and listen, just this once. It is imperative that you listen to me." He waited as they settled back, Buffy blowing a hair off her face with a grimace. "Xander is not under anyone's influence," he spoke slowly emphasizing the words. "He has chosen this freely. And we must accept his decision. He has chosen to be with Spike and we must accept that."
Buffy jumped up from the table, anger rippling across her face. "Giles, have you lost your mind? They did something to him, they must have. There is no way that Xander would be with Spike voluntarily, you know how much he hated when I was with Angel, you can't seriously believe that he's with Spike. For hells sake, Xander isn't even gay." Her voice rose on that and she stalked over, leaning into Giles. "There is something going on."
"No, Buffy, there isn't." Giles leaned back but kept his eyes locked with Buffy's. "They've been growing closer and closer over the last year or so, surely, surely you noticed that?" He raised his eyebrows forcing her to lean back.
"Well, yeah, sure, but that doesn't mean anything. Xander was just lonely after Anya left him and Spike took advantage of that." Willow sat down again, pulling Tara next to her. "And he would have told me if he and Spike were together, we tell each other everything."
"Willow, I'm sure, I'm sure that he would do so," Giles chose his words carefully, attempting to keep his voice steady. "But perhaps he was just afraid of your reaction, afraid that precisely this would occur."
"No," Buffy leaned on the counter. "That's not it. They did something to him, Giles, I just know it. And the sooner we quit arguing about it, the sooner we can rescue him." She turned and began gathering herbs from the shelf behind her. "Probably going to need some of this. Tara, can you tell me what this does?"
"Buffy, put that down, please. And listen to me. Xander is not under some spell. He and Spike are together. You must accept that. You asked him to accept you and Angel, now it's your turn." Giles stared at the ceiling, hoping that she would quiet, that he would not be forced to explain further.
"Gods, why does everyone keep saying that, Angel wasn't evil. Spike is. Besides, that still doesn't explain why he would ask her to mark him. Why would he do that, Giles, seriously, what's up with that?" Buffy continued to mill about, pulling volumes down from the shelves.
"I'm not quite sure, but he did so. And there's nothing to be done about it. Now, we can either accept how things are or we can make things hard on all involved." Giles moved behind her, placing the books back as quickly as she pulled them down.
"But, Giles, that makes him her slave, you can't mean that, we have to save him," Willow's hoarse cry reached his ears.
"He's, he's not her slave," Giles bent his head, knowing he had to reveal at least some of the truth. "I spoke with her yesterday. Xander asked her to mark him, asked her to, to make him part of her family. She did so. If the claim is made voluntarily, then Xander is not her slave. He is her family." 
"You talked to her, you knew this and you didn't say anything," Buffy glared at him. "Why didn't you say anything?" 
"Because I was hoping to have a chance to talk to him before you found out, I wanted to be sure of what happened before things got to this point." He sighed again. 
"Giles, why are you acting like this, you said that she was dangerous, and yet you're just going to let her take Xander away, are you afraid of her or something?" Buffy was outraged, this wasn't like the Giles she knew. 
"Yes, I am afraid of her. And you should be as well. Do you understand what it means for her to have taken Xander as hers? Do you, Buffy? It means that she views him as an extension of her, that any harm that comes to him will be viewed as harm to her. Buffy, if you heed nothing else I tell you, heed this. You will not go after Spike. You will not try to fix whatever you believe is wrong with Xander. If you do so, she will destroy you without a moment's hesitation." He turned to look at each in turn, attempting to impress the urgency of this on them. "I am quite serious about this. If you do anything to harm Xander, anything in any way, then she will declare war on us all. And she will kill you. If she's feeling generous. Otherwise, otherwise, well, you really don't want to know what she will do if she is angered."
"You just want us to do nothing," Buffy whispered, mouth open in shock.
"That's exactly what I'm saying, Buffy." He moved back over and reached for his tea.
"You want me to leave my friend to the mercy of an evil vampire and someone you call the Executioner. You just want me to do nothing. Don't think so, Giles." She started to walk towards the door. "I'll just go over there and see if I can't talk some sense into him." She stopped, stunned by Giles' sudden grip on her arm.
"Buffy, you cannot do that. Besides, if Spike has claimed Xander, then you do not have to worry about him causing Xander harm. Not since the Mistress has made him part of her family." She turned at the words, frowning up at him.
"Better explain that, because I'm not feeling better here." Buffy let her lead him back over to the table.
"You said that Xander said he loved Spike and that Spike loved him. If that's true, and I have every reason to believe it is from what the Mistress said to me, then Spike would rather die than let any harm come to Xander. Any harm. Including from himself. And as a member of the Mistress's order, Xander would have additional protection from harm. So if you're concerned that Spike is going to turn him, well, he can't." Giles watched them closely, Buffy's face implacable, Tara's confused and understanding slowly creeping across Willow's face. 
"That's what Xander said, that Spike couldn't. But, but, it still doesn't explain why, I mean, why would she do that, even if he asked?" Willow squeezed Tara's hand, feeling only slightly better.
"I don't know." He turned back to Buffy. "Perhaps it is a little much to ask you to accept this now. However, I cannot stress this enough. You cannot take any action against Spike, Buffy. Nor can you try to fix whatever you think is wrong with Xander. That will only lead to disaster."
"But, Giles," Buffy started, only to be cut off by Giles' raised hand.
"Promise me that, Buffy. That you won't do anything. I am quite serious, she will kill you. And you cannot defeat her. You have to promise me that you will do nothing." He watched until he saw her reluctant nod. "Good, now, help me put all these things away." They moved around the store, quietly rearranging everything, tension humming in the air.

"Angel, Angel," Cordelia's hesitant voice sounded outside the door. Angel was still locked in the room, but she could hear him moving around. That was an encouraging sign. "Angel, Giles is on the phone, he says that it's important." She held the phone in her hand, unsure if he would open the door.
"What does he want?"
The voice was husky and flat, but Cordy felt her heart leap at hearing him speak.
"Not sure, he said that it was very important, something about Spike and Xander," she jumped back as he yanked open the door. She smiled up at him as she handed him the phone. "Here. And when you're done talking to him, you might want to consider showering, your hair looks terrible." She turned away, trying to hide her happiness at finally seeing his face. He was pale and his hair was ruffled, but he seemed sane and calm and that was more than she had ever hoped. 
"Giles, what's going on? Did something happen?" He ran a hand distractedly through his hair, wincing when he felt the knots.
"Yes, sorry to bother you, but there is something that you need to know. Xander came back from L.A. this last weekend bearing the marks of both Spike's claim and the Mistress's order." The voice was strained and Angel shot a glance to the clock. 2:30 a.m. He wondered vaguely what Cordelia was doing there, then went still, fully taking his surroundings. Wesley and Gunn were curled up on the floor, nestled into one another, an ax lying next to Gunn's hand. A sleeping bag was spread in front of his door, still warm from Cordelia's body. It was clear that she was guarding his door to keep Wesley and Gunn from forcibly entering. His heart twisted a little and he made a silent vow to thank her later. He had a feeling that he would be buying her shoes for the next several months.
His head snapped up when the full impact of Giles' words hit him. "Spike claimed him. Katarina made him family."
"Yes." Giles rubbed a hand across his face. "Is there something you know about this, Angel? Quite frankly, I'm at a bit of a loss. I've never heard of anything like this, and I don't know how to feel. Other than afraid. She made sure of that. She paid me a little visit the other day, let me know that if we harmed Xander she would declare war. She was rather, rather emphatic on that point." He swirled the glass, watching the Scotch coat the sides.
Angel's grip on the phone tightened as the competing waves of emotion tore through him. "Well, I saw them at a party this weekend. She made it clear that Spike and Xander were together and that she would protect Xander, but," he closed his eyes, thinking back. "But, Xander didn't have the scar, no bite mark, must have happened after I saw them. Giles, if she's really taken him as her own, you do know what that means?" He leaned into the wall, knees going weak. Spike had finally found his mate, and Katarina had given them forever. The depth of his loss started to seep into him and it was all he could do to resist the urge to go back into his room. 
"Yes. Xander has finally come into his power." The words shocked him and his head snapped back up.
"Spike is his true mate. Dear gods." Angel felt the smile cross his face. No wonder they looked so happy. The smile held for a moment. His childe had finally found his mate, finally found the missing part to make him whole. The part that Angelus could never fill. He pulled himself back to the matter at hand. "And Katarina made him hers. Giles, he's immortal now, you do know that?"
"What?" Angel heard the shattering of the glass and the muffled curse that followed. 
"He's immortal. Well, not exactly, but the only way that he can die is if the three of them decide that is to be so. And since Spike has claimed him, then he and Spike are bound together. That means Spike can't be killed either." He breathed out, jealousy now coming to the fore. Her family. She had indeed finally completely taken what was his. Guilt followed immediately thereafter. No less than he deserved. Underneath still was the lingering happiness. His childe was safe. His childe would live.
"I didn't know, I had no idea," Giles was back, his voice shaking slightly. "I've never heard of an Ancient taking a human into their order." 
Angel frowned at that. "Neither have I. But you know that she is different. The rules that govern the others mean nothing to her. Besides, she has never taken anyone other than Spike." 
"Dear lord, I had no idea. Angel, Buffy and Willow know, they met Xander for dinner tonight and saw the scar. Needless to say, they had a bit of a fight. Buffy is convinced that Xander is under some kind of spell, I tried, I tried to warn her not to do anything. The Mistress came to me the day they came back and warned me that if anything were to happen to Xander then she would declare war. I told Buffy, but, well, I'm not sure she will listen." Angel felt his blood run cold at that.
"Giles, what do you think she's going to do?" He stood up, moving into his room to gather his coat, looking for his keys as he did so.
"I don't know. But when I locked up tonight, some books were gone. I'm afraid that she and Willow will try something foolish." Giles leaned his head back on the couch. The constant fear was causing his muscles to ache.
"I'm coming up there, maybe I can talk some sense into her." Angel found his keys and then headed out the door. "And if not, maybe I can help you stop her before she does something foolish."
"Thank you, Angel." Giles heard the click as Angel hung up, glad that he hadn't had to ask.

Buffy's eyes narrowed as she approached Giles' apartment, Slayer senses tingling. There was a vampire here, somewhere, she could have sworn it was on the other side of the door, but that wasn't possible, Giles wasn't that foolish. She knocked, keeping a wary eye behind her.
"Buffy, thank you for coming over," Giles stepped back and Buffy entered. 
"Sure thing, Giles, did you know that there's a vamp somewhere around here? Can sense him," she ground to a halt as Angel stepped out of the kitchen.
"Buffy, good to see you." He looked horrible, slightly pale, hair not quite right. She could have sworn he looked like he hadn't been sleeping.
"Angel, what's going on? Is everything okay, did Cordy have another vision?" She tried to force her heartbeat to slow, hating the involuntary flush that came across her every time she saw him.
"No, Giles called me, told me what's going on with Xander. Buffy, please I need to talk to you, there are some things that you need to know." He didn't take a step towards her, but Buffy felt herself pulled towards him all the same.
"Angel, what would you know about this?" She sat on the couch as Angel moved to sit next to her, careful to stay some distance apart. 
"I know that you think Xander is under some kind of spell or something and I know that no matter what warning Giles gave you that you are going to try to do something about it. You can't, it's far too dangerous." Angel looked down at his hands, not wanting to see her face. This was going to be hard enough without watching her.
"Why are you all being this way, am I the only one who can see what's going on?" Buffy shook her head in frustration. 
"Buffy, please listen to me for a moment. I know her, I've known her since a few years after I was turned. If she's taken Xander as her own and you do anything to him, anything at all, then she won't rest until she's avenged." A bitter smile crossed his mouth. "Trust me, she knows about revenge."
"What would you know about it? And why would you be so calm about Spike, I don't understand any of you." Buffy reached out, trailing a hand down Angel's arm. "I understand that it must be hard for you to know that Spike's done this to Xander, but he has, and he has to pay the price."
"Damn it, Buffy, listen for once." Angel pulled away and crossed the room, he couldn't do this if she was touching him. "Look, I did something to her once, I took something that was hers and I am still paying the price. No less than I deserve, I admit. But, still, I don't want you to go through that. Believe me, she won't let any harm come to Xander, if Xander asked to be made hers, then Xander will never come to harm, she'll see to that. You have to let this go." 
"No, why do you let her walk all over you, what could you possibly have done to make you accept this? Angel, I know sometimes you let guilt overwhelm you, but, please, she's evil. Spike's evil. And they've done something to Xander. I can save him." Buffy looked up at him, confusion clear. 
"I told you, I took what was hers. And if you try to take what's Spike's, well, she won't react very well to that." Angel stared at the floor, fervently wishing she wouldn't ask, she wouldn't demand to know.
"What hold does she have on you, gods, Angel, stop sticking up for her. You didn't really come all the way up from L.A. just to lecture me did you." Buffy tapped her foot, impatience growing. 
"I'm not sticking up for her, I'm warning you. Do not make her angry. She will destroy you." Angel met her eyes. "And she's not evil. She simply is. Just as Spike's not merely evil, hells, he's more human than most humans I know. And if he has claimed Xander it was because Xander asked him. I know my childe. He would never just take him." Besides I saw how Xander looked at him. He wanted to say it, but couldn't, not wanting to inflame her further.
"That still doesn't explain why you're kissing her ass, Angel. This isn't like you, what did you do?" Buffy fiddled with one of the sofa cushions, wishing Giles would come back from the kitchen. Things were just a little too intense whenever they were alone.
"I killed her mate." Angel stared straight at the wall, ignoring her gasp. "I took him and turned him the night before their wedding. She came for him. I made her beg, I made her get on her knees and promise me the world. She did it, she bowed to me, and then I pushed him back into her arms and then I staked him and watched him turn to ash in her hands." He forced himself on, forced the words out of his mouth. "I left her there. It took her three years, but she hunted me down. She is the one who had me cursed. She's the one who altered it so that if I ever experienced a moment of true happiness I would lose my soul again. And I deserved it. I still deserve it." 
Buffy jumped to her feet, moving directly in front of him, placing herself directly in her line of sight. "She did this to you, she cursed you, she's the one who did this, she's the one who caused you to lose your soul again?" She grabbed her jacket and headed for the door. "And you want me to leave her alone? After she's tried to destroy you, after she's taken up with Spike, after they've fucked with Xander? You want me to walk away? I don't think so, Angel." She pressed a hand to his cheek and then walked out the door. "Don't worry, I'll take care of her for you." She pulled the door shut behind her, running down the hall, ignoring Angel's calls behind her. How dare they try to stop her, they were all insane. She was going to get Xander back, then she was going to get revenge for Angel. It was the least she could do.
"Buffy, Buffy, no wait," Angel slumped in hall, watching her disappear into the light. "This is going to be bad." 
Giles joined him, nodding. "Yes. Please stay, I'll need the help." 
"Do you have any blood?" Angel sighed, following Giles back into the apartment.

One week later
Xander whistled happily, moving quickly down the aisle. It was the first time that Spike and Kat had let him out without one of them and he had to admit he was enjoying it. Not that he didn't love them both, but he now knew where Spike got his overpossessive streak from. They hadn't let him out of his sight and it was driving him nuts. He finally managed to whine his way into going to the store to pick up some milk and ice cream. He hadn't heard from the gang, hadn't seen them and he wasn't worried that they were going to do anything. Buffy might be impetuous, but she wasn't stupid. He whistled while he shopped, he whistled as he stood in line, he whistled as he made his way to the car. He was still whistling when Buffy hit him in the back of the head with the board.
He came back to consciousness slowly, head pounding. He tried to sit up, only to find that he couldn't. He turned his head slowly from side to side, the gag chafing his mouth. He was tied to something, it looked like a stone table of some kind. He was outside, in one of the cemeteries, it looked like. He could hear Willow and Tara chanting, could feel Buffy running a hand through his hair. 
"Don't worry, Xander, we'll have you fixed up in no time." Buffy's voice sounded in his ear and he went still in shock. They were going to do something, try to do something, try to take him away. 
"No." He thought he was screaming but he couldn't tell, couldn't hear himself through the rush of blood in his ears. "No." He closed his eyes and fell back into himself, yanking the trace of Spike and Kat to the forefront of his mind. 
"Help, please, Spike, please help, take me from you," he chanted the words in his mind, stretching out, trying to touch them, trying to pull them to him. His eyes rolled back and he shook, straining for their touch.
"Giles, what are we doing here," Angel asked, casting a worried glance behind him. The sun had set a short time before and he was on the lookout for trouble. It was never good to be in one of Sunnydale's cemeteries after dark. 
"Not quite sure, Buffy just asked us to meet her here, said it was important. Over here." Giles led the way up the hill, halting in amazement at what they saw. Xander was strapped to a stone table, bound and gagged. Buffy was standing watch at his head and Willow and Tara were performing some ritual at his feet.
"Buffy," Giles stammered out. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Shh," she walked over to stand by them. "Willow found an unbinding spell, should destroy whatever they've done."
"Buffy, are you insane, this is pure madness, she's going to come for you." Angel tried to push past her, desperate to set Xander free before this went too far. 
"Don't worry, they don't know we have him. By the time they find out, it'll be too late." Buffy beamed proudly. "I told you I could fix this."
"Buffy, you don't understand, she'll know. She'll know." Angel bowed his head, waiting for the inevitable. 
"Bloody hell, it's supposed to be a surprise, William. Not much of a surprise if the packages are all over the place." Kat brushed the hair off her face and gathered up the paper and packing peanuts.
"That's what you're for, pet. Make a lovely cleaning service, you do." He ducked as she threw the packaging at his head. They both froze as the screams echoed in the house. 
"Help, please, Spike, please help, take me from you" Xander's voice, hoarse and raw. 
Spike whirled in a circle, frantically searching, scenting, fangs instantly lowered. "Xander, Xander, where are you? Mistress, please, where," he stopped, turning desperately to her.
"Shh," Kat closed her eyes, focusing everything on the sound. They snapped back open, red licking the corners. "Let's go." She grabbed his wrist and tore out the door. "Don't let go, not yet." They ran out the door, her hand firmly around his wrist, blue light flickering across his body as they ran. "Don't let go." Faster and faster until they were merely a blur, moving directly for the cry ringing in their minds.
Willow and Tara stood, balancing the bowl in their hands, still chanting softly. They moved to stand at Xander's feet, raising the bowl above their heads. The chanting grew louder and faster and they brought the bowl back down, preparing to drench Xander with the liquid.
The sky streaked red with lightening as their arms drew back and with a furious crack the bowl shattered, spilling the liquid over them. They became to scream as it burned, dropping to their knees. Buffy stepped back, stunned as Kat and Spike ran over the low rise of the hill. She turned and threw the stake, sending it directly for Spike's heart.
A split second later she was pinned against a tree, the stake in Kat's hand, the tip burrowing into throat. 
"Slayer. You cunt. You hurt what is mine." Kat's free hand raised and a bolt of lightening rippled through Buffy's body. A howling scream tore from Buffy's throat as the electricity danced through her. Kat tossed aside the stake, smiling evilly at the drop of blood welling from where it had been pressed. She moved her hand back onto Buffy's face, the current following the path of her fingers.
Willow and Tara still writhed on the ground. Spike ran right past them and directly to Xander. He ripped the chains apart, a loud growl rumbling from him. Quickly, Xander was free and Spike gently worked the gag out, pulling the still body into his arms. 
"Is he still unconscious?" Kat's voice carried over as she turned Buffy, moving her so that she could see Giles and Angel. Giles was standing perfectly still, frozen in place, unable to move. Angel simply stared at them, terrified of what was going to happen next.
"Yes, is he, is he," Spike swallowed hard, tears running down his cheeks. 
Kat tilted her head to face him. "He's fine, just took more out of him than he thought to call. He's perfectly fine. William, calm down, I would never let anything harm him, not for long." She whirled back, facing Buffy squarely again. "We'll just wait until he wakes up. Then he can decide just what their punishment shall be." Another crack, another flash and Buffy began to shriek as the lightening ripped through her again.

Part Fifteen  

Spike ran his hands over and over the still body in his arms, fighting
back the terror ripping through his body. He was fine, she said he was
fine, he would be fine, she would never allow anything to hurt him, she
promised, she promised and she always kept her promises, at least her
promises to him. He would be fine. But he wasn’t right now. Right now
he was still and cold and lying there in his arms and not responding, no
matter what Spike said, not reacting to the kisses to his temple and the
caresses down his arms. But he would be fine, he had to be fine. For if
he wasn’t, then chip be damned he would kill them all.

“Spike, he’ll be fine, I promise you that. Close you eyes, concentrate,
feel him, you can feel him, you can do it, remember what I taught you,”
Kat quietly said, slowly removing her hand from Buffy’s face. She tilted
her head, considering the twitching body in front of her. Not enough, not
nearly enough to make up for what the Slayer tried to do. But if she went
any further, permanent damage could be done. And that choice was not hers
to make. She stepped back, letting Buffy collapse to the ground. “Give
him a few more minutes, William, and if he isn’t back on his own then I’ll
go get him. But it’s best if he comes back on his own.” She poked
Buffy’s body idly with her foot, then turned, catching Angel’s eye.

Angel stood, transfixed, torn in two. Part of him wanted to grab Buffy
and tear her away from the terrible pain that she was feeling, part of 
him wanted to gather up Willow and Tara and wipe the liquid away, stop the
burning, part of him wanted to slap Giles to break him out of the trance
like state into which Kat had placed him. But the other part of him
wanted to gather Spike in his arms and hold him until all was well again. 
Part of him wanted to go to Buffy and Willow and Tara and slap some sense
into them. They were warned, they were told to leave this alone, Xander
himself explained this was what he wanted. And they valued his opinion so
little that they ignored him. He could feel anger burning inside him at
that realization. They simply ignored Xander’s wishes, simply assumed
that he was incapable of making an adult decision for himself. He met
Kat’s gaze, a part of him realizing that she had stepped back, that Buffy
was no longer screaming in pain, that Kat had not once touched Willow or
Tara. She may be cruel, but her punishments were always just. He could
attest to that.

His head snapped when he heard the whimpering come from his childe. He
started to run, the decision suddenly simple, the choice clear. Spike was
his childe. They had harmed his childe, his childe who for once had done
nothing to them, who had taken nothing from them, who, truth be told, had
given them a gift. And they tried to destroy that, giving no
consideration for how his childe was changed, no quarter given for all his
childe’s complicated nature. No, they assumed he meant the worst. They
hurt his childe, they would have to pay.

“Spike,” he pulled up short at Spike’s vicious growl, watching as Spike
pulled Xander closer still. He knew Spike would have no compunction about
biting him now, and Angel would not blame him in the slightest. He slowly
removed his coat, then draped it over Xander. “I thought he might be
cold.” A low rumbling came from his chest as he cautiously settled on the
edge of the table, reaching out to place a hand on Spike’s arm. Again a
vicious growl, but Spike did not try to pull away. “If our Mistress says
he will be fine, then he will be, she would never lie to you, William.” 
He moved slightly closer, wanting nothing more than to clutch Spike to his
chest but knowing Spike would never allow that. He settled for stroking
Spike’s arm, continuing the low rumble that always soothed his childe in
the past.

“They hurt him. Look at his wrists.” Spike turned to his Sire, hating
that he needed this, longed for this, the warm comfort missing for so
long. He carefully pulled Xander’s right arm out from under the warmth of
the coat. A deep cut ran around Xander’s wrist, the chains having cut
deep into his flesh. “They hurt him.” Yellow eyes sparkled with unshed
tears. “They must be punished.”

Matching growls rose from their throats, a promise made, a promise
accepted. Spike might not be able to avenge, but Angel could. They hurt
his childe’s mate. They would pay. Angel stood, leaned over and pressed
a warm kiss to Spike’s forehead. “They will be, my childe. I will make
sure of that.” He turned and stalked over to the witches, ignoring their
cries, drinking in the fear that poured off them as he stared down, fangs
glittering in the moonlight.

“Step back, Angelus.” 

His hissed over at Kat, chafing at the authority in her tone. “They
deserve this.” He didn’t want to be stopped now, he needed this, needed
to make up for the long years during which he left his childe be, left him
to struggle and suffer alone. He reached down, yanking Willow to her
feet, ignoring the twist in his gut at the look of terror on her face. 
Time enough for guilt later, now, now he would avenge what was his.

Pain flared through him as Kat jerked him away. “I said to step back,
Angelus. This is not want you want, not truly. I know they hurt William,
and, trust me, no one craves their blood more than I. But it is
Alexander’s choice, his decision to make, not ours. Besides, you do not
want their blood on your hands. If any is to be shed, it will be on
mine.” She tugged him away, moving him to stand next to Giles. “Stand
watch, please. We are sure to draw attention soon. Kill whatever you
like, that should help.”

Giles turned his head slightly as Angel moved to stand next to him, his
back to the group, scanning the trees. As many times as Giles saw Angel
in his true form, it still sent a shiver of fear down his spine. Spike
physically could not harm them. Angel was held back only by guilt. And
guilt could be ignored. “Angel, please, you have to help them.” He
could not move, she had done something to him, and he could only watch in
horror.

A cold smile crossed Angel’s face. “I am helping them, Giles. Katarina
is right, we are sure to attract attention and she’s too distracted to
deal with them right now. It’s all she can do not to just kill you all.” 
Angel watched, extending his senses, listening closely. Nothing yet, but
that was sure to change. He spared a moment to glance back to Xander and
Spike. Xander appeared to be moving, a least a little. That had to be
good sign.

“You’re helping her. Angel, how, how can you do that? You saw what she
was doing to Buffy, don’t, don’t you care?” Giles couldn’t keep the shock
from his voice, he never expected Angel to do anything but help save
Buffy.

“Yes, no more than she deserves. She was warned. She made her choice.” 
A loud howl as Angel dashed off. Giles could hear fighting, low guttural
cries then a loud shriek as blood splattered across his face. He closed
his eyes, waiting for the blow to come, only to start when a cloth
smoothed across his face.

“Sorry about that, didn’t think it would spurt that far.” Angel moved back
next to him, blood dripping from his hair.

“Angel, truly, what, what are you doing? She is going to kill Buffy.” 
Giles desperately tried to move, running through every spell to counter
this that he could remember.

“No, no, she’s not. Not unless Xander tells her to do so. Don’t you
understand, Giles, they hurt Xander, so it’s Xander’s decision. And his
alone.” Angel sighed, the futility of explanation striking him. “She is
cruel, not evil. There is a difference you know.”

Xander slowly came back to consciousness, letting all his other senses
catch up before opening his eyes. Spike was holding him and alternating
between growling and whimpering. Kat was standing at the end of the
table, and, for some reason, was blocking all his attempts at touching her
mind. There was no such block from Spike and worry and love and pain were
pouring over him in equal measure. He stirred, grasping Spike’s hand,
wincing a little at the pain from the cut on his wrist. He opened his
eyes only to find terrified yellow ones staring down at him. “Spike, hey,
calm down, I’m okay.” He struggled to sit up, finding it hard to move in
Spike’s firm grasp. “Ease up a little, will you, just want to sit up.”

Spike let go slightly, relief cresting over him. Xander sounded fine,
sounded just like his old self. “Are you sure you’re okay, those cuts
look pretty bad.” He nestled Xander under his chin, lifting one of
Xander’s hands to his lips and licking the wound clean.

Xander sighed, Spike’s cool tongue soothing away the pain. “Yeah, I’ll be
fine, that really helps, thanks.” He looked around, taking in the strange
scene. “Umm, guess I got a hold of you guys.” He shuddered, the fear of
losing Spike creeping across him once again.

“Yes, heard you loud and clear. Scared the fuck out of me, Xan. You’ve
been out for about twenty minutes.” Spike tried to control his shaking,
not really wanting Xander to know just how scared he had been, knowing as
he did so how futile that would be.

“What did she do to them?” Buffy was lying in a crumpled heap at the
bottom of a tree, Willow and Tara appeared to still be writhing in pain,
Giles was as still as a statue. And Angel was there. Xander’s forehead
wrinkled in confusion. Why was Angel there?

“Nothing yet.” Kat moved to take Xander’s other hand in hers. “That’s up
to you. They were trying to perform an unbinding spell. Their goal was
to strip you away from Spike. Even after they were told to do no such
thing, even after you told them that you wanted this. Xander, have you
spoken to Willow at all since you met her for dinner, did she ever try to
ask you what was going on?” Kat stroked his hand, keeping her gaze
averted. She didn’t want Xander seeing just how furious she was, she
didn’t want to influence his decision at all.

Xander shook his head slowly, pulling away from Spike and swinging his
legs over the side of the table. “No, she never tried to ask.” He stood
slowly, making sure that his legs could bear the weight. Spike rose with
him, keeping a firm hand on his lower back, ready to catch him if he grew
weak. He walked over and knelt next to Willow, hating to see her in such
pain.

“Can you, can you do something, please, I don’t want her and Tara to hurt
like that,” he turned pleading eyes to Kat.

She nodded and immediately placed a hand in the center of their chests. 
“Whatever you wish, the decision is yours.” The witches stilled under her
touch, pain fading away.

“Xander, hells, they were trying to hurt you, they were trying to take you
away, let them hurt,” Spike growled into Xander’s ear, blood howling to
see them continue to hurt.

“Can’t, she’s still my friend.” Xander walked over to where Buffy lay
unconscious. His jaw hardened as he gazed down at her. “Besides, I know
my Willow. She was just going along with Buffy here.” He turned as Angel
moved to stand behind them. “Angel, what are you doing here?”

“Giles asked me to come to keep things from getting out of control. I’m
sorry, Xander, apparently I didn’t do a very good job of it.” Angel
stared down at Buffy as well, cutting off the pain that seeing her always
caused.

“Alexander, they must be punished. Whatever you wish, that is what shall
be.” Kat moved to face him. “It is your choice. But, before you choose,
consider exactly what you wish. Justice comes in many forms.”

Xander stared at her, trying to decipher just what she meant. He knew
Spike wanted them dead, part of him did too. But that would accomplish
nothing more than a passing moment of pleasure. Then they would be gone. 
And no matter what they had done now, in some way they had done it because
they cared. He couldn’t just ignore that. His eyes narrowed as he
thought. What he wanted was for them to realize just how he felt, just
how betrayed and hurt, just how much it ached when he realized how little
they trusted him. And that, that he could do.

“I know what I want.” Xander turned and kissed Spike quickly. “Now
before you even start, I don’t want them to die.” He ignored Spike’s hiss
and managed to just cover Spike’s mouth with his hand before the vampire
could launch into a tirade. “They don’t deserve to die. They deserve to
suffer.” He turned back to Kat, seeing the look of approval on her face. 
“I want them to feel exactly how they’ve treated me, exactly what they
were trying to take away, exactly what it’s been like being their friend. 
That’s what I want.”

“Excellent choice, Alexander. And that’s something you can do for
yourself. I’ll just, well, guide you a little.” She reached down and
stroked a finger down Buffy’s face. “Wake, little one. Time to pay the
price.”

Buffy returned to consciousness with a start, pain still shivering through
her body. She looked up to see Kat leaning over her, Spike and Xander
standing hand in hand. And Angel, Angel was right there next to them. 
Her heart leapt, Angel would help them. She could always count on him. 
“Angel, please, please you have to help us, she’s done something to
Xander.” Buffy slowly staggered to her feet, reaching out to Angel. “I’m
so glad you’re here.”

Angel backed away, shying from her touch. “Buffy, we warned you, we told
you not to do anything.” He steeled himself as shock crossed her face. 
“She hasn’t done anything to Xander, well nothing bad. If you only
listened to him, then you would understand.” Angel lowered his head, not
wanting to see the betrayal in her eyes.

“Angel, how, how can you take their side, this is Spike, he’s evil, he’s
turned Xander, didn’t you see the bite mark, how can you just stand there,
you know what Spike is,” Buffy’s voice shook, her world tumbling around
her.

“Buffy, be careful what you say, I still care for you, you know that, but
that doesn’t mean I will always think you’re right.” Angel stared back at
her, battling back a low growl. “Spike is not evil. Maybe he was once in
the past, but even that was my doing. Now, now he is no more evil than I
am. And he very well may be much less.”

“Gods, what has she done to you,” Buffy started, only to rocked back as
Kat slapped her.

“You will not speak to Angelus like that.” Kat spoke slowly, emphasizing
every word. “He is no longer yours to command. Come, time for you to
learn, Slayer. And this time, this time I would advise that you pay
attention. This is your only chance.” Kat grabbed her wrists and dragged
her over to where Willow and Tara lay on the ground. She shoved Buffy
down and called over to Giles. “Watcher, come here.”

Giles felt himself pulled over, legs moving against his will. He too
settled on the ground and he watched, detached, as Kat woke Tara and
Willow. Whatever was coming next, he knew that he, at least, deserved it.
Finally, finally, his punishment had arrived.

“Xander, you sit in the middle. Everyone else, join hands.” The
instructions were immediately obeyed, even Xander leaping at Kat’s
command. She settled next to Xander and took his hands in hers. “Xander,
I want you to concentrate, picture exactly what it is you want them to
know. Then, simply let go and they will know, they will see. I’ll be
here to make sure of that.”

Xander lowered his head and fell into his mind, just as she taught him. 
Slowly, painfully, he brought forth every memory, every time they
belittled him, every time he was pushed aside, every time he was ignored. 
Tremors racked him but he pressed on, letting it all free, finally
revealing all the things he never had the courage to say. He vaguely
heard them start to cry, but he ignored it, he wasn’t going to let it stop
him, not this time. No, this time he was in control, he was in charge,
they weren’t going to stop him, they would finally know. Then, pain faded
as he came to Spike, reliving their first kiss, their first touches, the
first time Spike entered him, the first time he entered Spike. Continuing
on to that night, the need to be part of Spike, the need to be part of
Kat. Then nothing but happiness as he found his mate, found what had been
missing from his soul. Finally, the pain of their rejection, the loss of
his family. All of it laid bare, until he felt the echoes coming from
them, felt their pain. It should have hurt, but it didn’t. It felt
right, felt true. They would know, they would be forced to see what they
tried to do, the way their ignorance could have destroyed them all. He
sensed Kat adding something, letting them see just how close she came to
destroying them all. Something more though, something coming from Giles. 
He probed at the sensation, only to feel her hand clench on his arm. This
was not for him. Whatever it was, it was not for him to know.

Angel slowly wrapped his arms around Spike’s waist as Spike watched them. 
Faint red and yellow flickers traced over their bodies, lines of power
emanating from Xander. Spike leaned into Angel’s embrace, letting the
stress bleed away.

“She won’t let them hurt him, you know that, Spike.” Angel murmured in
his ear, inhaling the scent of his childe, memorizing it once again,
soaking in the moment before Spike pulled away.

“I know that, Sire.” Spike relaxed further, feeling the coolness soak
into his skin. “You chose us.” He still couldn’t believe it, Angel came
to him, came to help him, came to help Xander.

“You are my childe.” The simple words contained unfathomable layers of
meaning. “They attempted to harm you and what is yours. For nothing, for
once, William, you did not deserve it.”

Spike snorted at that. “I’m not always in the wrong you know.” He waited
for Angel to pull away, stunned that he didn’t. As long as Angel was
willing to stay here then he wouldn’t move. He missed this, more than he
could ever admit, not to anyone, not even himself.

“Just usually.” Angel chuckled into his ear. They stayed quiet for a
moment, watching as Kat moved her hands on Xander’s arms, keeping him
calm. “You truly do love him.”

“Yes.” Spike watched Xander’s face, the emotions rippling across as the
memories poured out of him.

“I’ve missed you, childe.” Angel rested his chin on Spike’s head, the
familiar motion still in his bones.

“And I you, Sire.” They said nothing more, yet both could sense the
settling of old accounts, their connection still there, despite all that
was between them.

Xander finally opened his eyes, looking up to see the expressions on his
friends’ faces. They looked stunned, shocked at the pain they caused. 
Xander waited, knowing who would speak first.

“Xander,” sure enough it was Willow. “Why didn’t you ever say something,
I never had any idea you felt like that.” She could feel it inside her,
the pain she caused her supposed best friend.

“Kind of the point, I shouldn’t have needed to tell you.” Xander reached
out and took her hands. “Look, I’ll forgive you, I always do, just, give
it some time.” He stood, stepping out of the circle, moving straight for
Spike. “Come on, want to go home.” He stopped, looking back at Angel. 
“Thanks, sure it wasn’t easy for you.”

Angel just nodded as they walked away, watching them go. His childe was
his again, something he never believed possible. His childe, his family. 
Someone who understood. He slowly realized that Kat was standing before
him. He looked down, forcing himself to meet her eyes.

“Angelus,” just his name breathed out. She leaned up and kissed him
quickly, the warmth lingering on his lips. She took his hands, squeezed
and then walked away. He stared after her for long moments, ignoring the
people moving next to him. He turned away as well, walking back to his
car. He unlocked the door then sat down, opening the paper she pressed
into his hand. Directions to her house. He cast a glance in the mirror
and drove off, leaving the gang behind. They could make their own way
home.

Part Sixteen  

They trudged slowly back towards the road, eyes clouded, each silent and
lost in their own world. Looking back, Willow would marvel that they made
it back safely, that they had not been attacked. If they had been, she
doubted they would have survived. But somehow they made the long trek
back to the road, Giles finally rousing slightly when he noticed that
Angel’s car was gone. Listlessly he joined Buffy in the back of Tara’s
car, leaning his head back as they pulled away. Silently Tara dropped off
first Buffy and then Giles, before heading back to her and Willow’s
apartment. She wanted to speak, she really did, she wanted to talk about
what just happened, about how she had felt everything Xander had, how her
own reactions to it came bouncing back to her. But she was afraid to
break the silence, the spell that had fallen over her friends. Troubled,
she cast a glance over to Willow. Willow was staring straight ahead, eyes
locked on some distant sight. Sighing, she reached over and took a hand,
running her thumb along the back, just providing a touch, something for
her lover to know she wasn’t alone. Willow didn’t move, didn’t
acknowledge her presence in any way. Tara pulled her hand back and
concentrated on driving, trying to remember if lavender or comfry would be
best to put in Willow’s bath. She didn’t understand this reaction, not at
all. Sure, it was a little frightening at first to be lost in someone
else like that, but, after the initial fear, she felt nothing but awe at
the strength Xander displayed in allowing himself to be open like that. 
And, frankly, she was a little curious to know how he did it.

She pulled into their space and they simply sat there for a moment, a
small breeze moving through Tara’s slightly opened window. Sighing, Tara
got out of the car, then turned her face to the sky, seeking out Orion’s
belt. The familiarity of it grounded her, as it always did, the slow
dance of the planets soothing on some fundamental level. She waited for
Willow to join her, waited for a warm hand to slip into hers. But still
she was alone. Concerned, she moved over to the passenger’s side,
startled to find Willow still sitting there, still locked away in her
mind. Tara pulled open the door, then sank gently to her knees, wrapping
her arms around Willow’s waist.

“We’re home now, why don’t you come inside, I’ll run you a bath,” Tara
spoke gently, not wanting to startle Willow.

Willow simply nodded, then turned and slowly clambered out of the car,
movements a little off. She took Tara’s hand and allowed herself to be
led into the foyer, then the elevator, leaning on the wall as soon as the
door closed. Tara gently tugged her down the hall, pausing to fish out
her keys, then opened the door and ushered Willow inside. Still perfectly
quiet, she walked straight to the bathroom, settling her partner on the
edge of tub while she lit the candles. She pulled Willow up, leaning her
against the sink, turning back to fill the tub. She scattered a handful
of lavender on the water, then turned and efficiently stripped her lover,
for once not lingering as the pale flesh was revealed. She guided Willow
into the bath, kneeling on the floor next to her, leaning her back,
resting her head on the small pillow they always kept there. Tara began
to sing gently, some crooning lullaby, the words meaningless, simply
needing to break the silence while still comforting her quiet love.

Willow closed her eyes, relaxing in the warmth of the water, Tara’s soft
touch in her hair helping her to finally calm, pulling her away from the
terror in her mind. She could still feel him, could still hear him, could
still remember ever thoughtless word and gesture. How could she have
ignored this for so long? For so very, very long. A tear finally
escaped, making its way down her cheek as the memories hit her. From the
beginning, from the very beginning Xander had been afraid the he wasn’t
good enough, that someday something would happen and Willow wouldn’t be
his friend any more. And she never knew. She simply assumed that
Xander’s joking and clowning was a part of him, never sensing the massive
insecurity it masked. She should have known.

She forced herself to move forward, through high school and her pitiful
crush. Even that seemed tainted, knowing now that the reason Xander never
looked at her like that, never shared her desires was from fear that
Willow was only acting that way because he thought Willow thought she was
supposed to, that Willow thought she was supposed to fall in love with her
best friend, that was how it went in all the books and movies and
television shows so obviously that was how it must be for them. Another
tear as she realized that Xander never once thought that Willow wanted him
for him. Then the betrayal of their kiss, both doing it from fear and
pain and expectation. Then the mingled joy and pain as he watched her
with Oz and Tara, wanting her to be happy, so desperately wanting her to
be happy. Yet the tinge of jealousy still present at the loss of his best
friend.

Willow squirmed slightly under Tara’s touch as she moved onward. Then
college and leaving him behind and ignoring him and being so caught up in
everything that was so new to her. The pain of being excluded, the
assumptions she had that Xander simply wouldn’t understand what she was
talking about, that Xander wouldn’t want to listen, that Xander wouldn’t
be interested in anything intellectual. She could almost taste the
loneliness, the way they walked past and left him behind, never asking how
he was, how his life was turning out, if there was anything new he had to
offer. They pigeonholed him, ignored him and now, now she could feel it
all. She let out a whimper, the ache pounding in her. Her best friend. 
And how hollow was that.

She felt Tara pull her forward, felt the touch of the sponge as Tara
calmly washed her back, rubbing small circles down her spine. Willow
forced her eyes open, staring straight ahead, seeing the events as they
played in her mind. How sure she was that Xander needed saving, the
arrogance of assuming that he could never make that choice, the complete
disregard for his words. Buffy’s angry voice in her ear, stirring up the
jealousy that had burned through her gut when she saw that scar. Xander
was hers, hers, and no one else could have him. He was her family, hers
to keep, but Xander wanted someone else. She pulled away from Tara’s
touch, not wanting to be clean, not wanting to feel any tenderness. Here,
now she could be honest with herself. She hadn’t done it because of
Xander, hadn’t done it from some desire to help him. Oh, sure, all that
was part of it, that was true. But, deep down, deep in the truest portion
of her soul, she knew her real reasons why. She was angry. She was
jealous. She didn’t want anyone else to come between them, not ever, and
that was why she looked up the spell, why she agreed to Buffy’s mad plan. 
She gasped a little as a sudden feeling of warmth spread through her,
calming touches at the edges of her mind.

“Willow, please, let up a little, you’re always so hard on yourself.” She
could swear she heard Xander’s voice in her ear. “Like I wouldn’t have
done the same thing if I thought you were in trouble. I mean, I’m sitting
there telling you I’m in love with Spike, what did I think you were going
to do, pick out our china pattern? He has tried to kill you a few times.”
The familiar mocking tone warmed her to her toes.

“But I should have known that you weren’t that foolish,” Willow whispered,
sure that she was imaging things.

“And I should have told you what was going on from the start, after all,
you are my best friend. Please, Willow, you have to know that, I mean,
you love Tara like that and I’m still your best friend. Always will be,
we made a promise, remember.” Xander chuckled in her ear and she felt the
sudden sting of the blade in her palm. Suddenly, she was seven years old
again, cutting her palm and pressing it to Xander’s.

“Friends forever,” they said it in unison, their blood mingling together.

“Friends forever,” Xander’s voice again, deep inside her mind. “You know
that, you know things will be fine.”

Tara pulled Willow back into her arms as Willow started to cry. “Shh,
it’ll be fine. You’ll talk to him soon, you’ll work this out. Once
things calm down then you can sit and talk. You’ll make it through this.”
She let the water rinse down the drain as she bundled Willow into a
towel, gently rubbing her dry.

“I know.” Willow finally looked straight into Tara’s eye, smiling
suddenly. “I love you, you know.” It seemed very important that Tara
know this, that never again did she assume that those important to her
understood her feelings.

Tara kissed her forehead, leading her into the bedroom. “I know that,
let’s go to sleep now, it’s been a long day.” Willow yawned as she padded
behind Tara, content, wondering idly why she could still feel the warmth
of Xander’s blood in her veins.

Buffy flopped back onto her bed, wincing as the cuts in her back rubbed on
the comforter. She ached through and through, every muscle still ringing
from the jolt of the lightening. She threw an arm across her face, hoping
the blackness would just make this day disappear. Damn it, why did
everything have to go so wrong, just a few minutes more and they would
have fixed this, they would have wrenched Xander free from whatever bonds
that those, those fiends wrapped him in. She scowled fiercely, trying to
work back over what went wrong.

The plan should have worked perfectly. The books she sneaked out of The
Magic Box told exactly what to do. Willow was more than happy to help, as
angry and appalled as she was at Giles’ stupid prohibition. Of course he
was scared of Kat, it was probably beaten into him during Watcher training
not to mess with her. But, really, what was Buffy supposed to do, just
sit back and let nothing happen while one of her closest friends was
turned by her used to be mortal enemy. No way was that going to happen,
not when she could do something about it.

She slowly turned over, the burning in her back starting to be a bit too
much. But, somehow, things simply went wrong. She dearly wanted to know
just where Spike and Kat came from. They must have been following Xander,
that explained it. There was no other answer. She pounded on the pillow,
trying to beat it into a more comfortable state. She puffed out a huge
breath, trying to blow the hair off her face. All right, maybe it wasn’t
the best thing in the world to chain him up like that, but, for hells
sake, she was just trying to help, just trying to do her job. She sighed
again, letting that thought turn in her mind. It truly sucked sometimes
to be the Chosen One. It wasn’t as if she wanted to hurt Xander, it was
just that sometimes it hurt to do the right thing.

She frowned slightly as she thought about that. Was it the right thing? 
After all, Xander did seem happier lately, did seem more confident and
sure of himself. He even bounced when he walked and she and Willow and
Tara had spent several hours wondering when he was finally going to
introduce them to his new lady love. Because that was certainly how he
was acting, like someone in love.

Buffy moaned as she pulled her knees to her chest, the muscles protesting
at the movement. In love. Xander said he was in love with Spike. 
Another snort at that. Yeah, right. Even if Spike somehow convinced
Xander it was true, she knew better. Spike was a demon and everyone knew
that demons couldn’t love. Besides, just when the fuck did Xander turn
out to be gay. A picture of Spike and Xander suddenly popped into her
mind. Naked Spike and Xander. Naked Xander bent over a chair while Spike
slowly, slowly slid into him.

She bolted upright, the picture sickening her. No, Xander wasn’t gay. 
After all, she had known her for several years now and not once, never,
did she pick up anything like that from him. Besides, she knew that
Xander was still in love with her, just a tiny bit. That just made it
worse. Not only was Spike seducing Xander to be a vampire, he was just
plain seducing him as well. She stood, wincing from the pain, moving to
check on her stash of stakes. She would be needing them shortly.

On top of everything else, she didn’t even want to think about what lies
that, that thing told Xander to get him to ask to be part of her family. 
Xander already had a family, already had them. What else did he need? 
She moved into the bathroom, deciding that maybe a nice, long, hot shower
would help. She rubbed a hand on her temple, trying to soothe away her
headache.

And what the hell was that thing she made them do? Holding hands like a
group of children, sitting in a little circle and all. Buffy stepped
under the spray, turning the water as hot as she could stand. After all
this time, she still found the rituals a little silly, why bother chanting
when you would get the same results by simply barging in and kicking some
ass. She tilted her head back, ignoring the images creeping into her
mind. At first it hurt, she wouldn’t lie, seeing herself through someone
else’s eyes. But she clocked in quickly. It was all that damn Kat
person. That wasn’t really how Xander saw her, it couldn’t be. No, she
wasn’t like that, wasn’t so oblivious to others that she wouldn’t even see
how much she could hurt someone. And it wasn’t like Xander ever said
anything. She turned slowly under the soothing warmth of the shower. The
only reason that she kept Xander out of stuff was to protect him. After
all, he didn’t have anything special about him, and he was her friend and
she didn’t want him to get hurt. And he was so brave and so stupid in
equal parts that he would just go rushing in not caring about whether or
not he would be safe. All she wanted to do was protect him. What was so
wrong about that?

Sighing, she leaned against the shower wall, letting her mind stray to
what was really bothering her. It was one thing for the rest of them to
be caught up in it. But Angel. What was Angel thinking? Her fists
clenched as she heard his words pounding in her ear.

“Buffy, be careful what you say, I still care for you, you know that, but
that doesn’t mean I will always think you’re right.” When did he start
judging her? She didn’t understand it, how could Angel stand there and
let Kat push him around? Buffy felt her stomach churn as the anger built
again. Once again, Angel was letting his guilt overwhelm him, letting
some misplaced sense of justice blind him to the obvious. He was choosing
the side of someone who cursed him, who gave him his soul and then tore it
back away. And he stood there and let her walk all over them.

Buffy turned off the water when it stared to chill. Well, tomorrow she
could see everyone and they could regroup. There had to be a way to get
Xander away from them. She would just call Giles in the morning and he
would get right on it.

Giles stretched out on his couch, shoes kicked off, a little jazz playing
in the background. His glasses were abandoned on the coffee table and a
comforting cup of tea right there on the floor, right in easy grasp. 
Chamomile, he always liked chamomile. Quite soothing.

He rubbed his forehead distractedly, the itching still slightly
bothersome. So, this is what it felt like to have someone else running
around in your head. He wondered idly how the Mistress did it, how she
kept them all sorted out. Perhaps that was why she was the Eldest, why
she was the strongest. No one but Ancients in her order until Spike. 
Curiouser and curiouser. Spike and Xander.

He took a swallow of tea, briefly considering fortifying it with something
stronger before quickly deciding against it. No, he wanted to be
completely sober for this. It was a little like having a fly trapped in
your ear, he decided, poking at the sensation. Just a faint buzzing that
was there no matter what he did. It wasn’t unpleasant, it was simply
there, a lingering trace of other turning in his mind.

Giles shifted on the couch, nestling his head down further into the
cushion. It shocked him at first, how immediately Xander was able to
simply let drop the walls of their minds and come strolling in. And not
just one of them. No, all of them at once. It was startling to see them
all standing there, Buffy furious and rigid, Willow timid and fearful,
Tara shy and stuttering. He didn’t want to consider how they saw him. 
And there in the background the faint tinge of the Mistress, the power
tightly reined, just golden fragments glittering in the background. But
this was Xander’s show, that was certain. These were his thoughts, his
feelings, he was in control. She was just there to make sure things
didn’t go too far.

He rubbed a tired hand across his eyes, willing himself to stay awake. He
pondered all he witnessed, wondering if Xander knew that in Giles’ case,
there was no need for this display. There was nothing Xander could show
him, nothing he could say or do that would equal the torment of these last
few years. He stifled a sigh, not wanting to let himself fall into the
familiar pool of self-loathing. Ever since that first startled
recognition of Xander’s true nature, Giles walled himself off, ignoring
the twinge whenever he put the boy at risk, ignoring the hurt looks and
confused expressions whenever he was overly harsh or condescending. 
Goddess, how many times did he wish he could explain, wish he could sit
Xander down and tell him that it was nothing personal, that it could never
be anything personal. That the more impersonal he kept this, the easier
it would be to turn him over when the time was right.

Unwillingly, his eyes opened and the flashing light of the answering
machine captured his complete attention. How many days now since he
checked it, seven, eight? Ever since the Mistress entered his store and
his deepest fears were realized. Xander finally found himself, found the
missing part. Whole now, his power right there and ready to be tapped. 
Giles stopped answering the phone that day, allowing the college student
he hired to replace Anya to answer at the store, waiting until the tape
became full at home so that the infernal ringing would end. A quick
glance heavenward as he thanked whatever merciful deity it was that made
sure the Council never obtained his mobile number. Bless his children,
they didn’t miss a beat when he told them to only call his mobile,
children of technology all, it was a perfectly natural request to them,
bringing only good natured teasing from Willow as she asked just what it
was that he did to his phone.

Swinging his legs over the side of the couch, he sat up, considering just
what his next step should be. Somehow the Council knew. And they would
want to know exactly what was going on. Perhaps he never should have told
him of her appearance in the first place. Or perhaps he shouldn’t have
told that little white lie, shouldn’t have told them that she left a month
before. It seemed quite the idea at the time, after all, it wasn’t as if
he had seen her personally. The fact that he knew one of the Slayer’s
best friends was seeing her on a daily basis wasn’t quite a fact after
all. Merely an informed guess. Xander was discrete and had been oh so
careful to never state just where it was that he was going. But now, if
they knew exactly what had occurred, well, he would have quite some time
explaining this to them.

He paced off to his bedroom, setting the concern aside. After all, what
were they going to do now? An vengeful smile touched his lips as his eyes
went dark for just a moment. Let them come for Xander. He was quite sure
that the Mistress would have no hesitation in merely destroying them all. 
After all, she was quite aware of what they would have in store for
Xander. The last empath the Council managed to lay hands on had been torn
in two by his own hands, the blood streaming down his face as he
desperately attempted to rip the voices from his mind. No, no, he was
quite sure that the Mistress would never allow that to occur. Perhaps she
would go back to the old ways, a part of him always wanted to see the fury
that allowed her to take the heads of all ten Watchers seated at the table
with one spinning turn of her sword. His eyes glittered in the night at
the thought. And that was merely after they rigged the test against
another Watcher, one that was her friend. The legend was passed down from
year to year, how she strode into the room, jumped onto the table and,
with a fierce howl, spun around, the sharp edge of the blade cutting like
butter through the flesh, the blood drenching the room. No more than they
deserved. That was always his private thought, knowing the truth behind
the tale. It was not just the rigging of the test that angered her. It
was the manner of the betrayal, the way the ten men lied to their
colleague, assuring him that help would come, only to leave him stranded,
alone, with his Slayer’s body cooling in his arms. It was the lies she
found unforgivable. And if they came for her kin, then blood would surely
flow.

He crawled under the covers, pulling the comforter tightly to his chin. 
Here it the quiet and safety of his own room he let the strangest event of
the night come to the forefront of his mind. For some reason, she blocked
Xander from knowing the truth of his own betrayal of the Slayerette. 
Giles held nothing back when Xander entered his mind, craving the truth,
tired of lies. But whenever Xander came close, she cut it off. Why? The
question nagged at him, a burning in his soul. Why would she do that? It
wasn’t for punishment, of that he was sure. There was something gentle in
the touch, a quiet turning from a path she didn’t think either was able to
walk yet. But why? Surely he deserved to be punished. His exhausted
body finally gave up the fight, pulling him to sleep even as the question
thrummed through his veins? Why was she protecting him?

Xander stumbled a little as he maneuvered up his sidewalk, exhaustion
creeping over him. Gods it was good to be home. He missed it here,
missed being in their own place. His and Spike’s place. Officially. 
They just got the deed back from the lawyer the other day and quite the
little celebration took place. Especially since Spike was listed as
William Harris. And it wasn’t even his idea, it was Spike’s, Spike who
wanted to be his like that. Damn it felt good to stagger through his own
front door, Spike’s arms firm around his waist, not quite holding him up
but right there in case he needed them to.

Kat lingered in the doorway, watching as Spike directed Xander over to the
couch. “Are you two going to be okay?” She watched Spike as she spoke, a
low rumble hidden in the words, pitched just below the level where Xander
could hear. Comfort and warning in equal measures.

Spike stared back, hearing the warning clearly. He was to stay here and
care for his mate. Leave the rest to her. No matter how much he wanted
to pick up that phone and arrange for their heads to be delivered to
Xander in the morning. No, that would simply piss her off. And he didn’t
want that. She couldn’t kill him. That didn’t mean she couldn’t hurt
him. And she would have no hesitation in hurting him, she never had in
the past and he truly doubted she intended to start now.

“We’ll be fine. Thank you,” Xander stopped, having no idea how to
continue. He shuddered slightly as a sudden sense of calm settled into
him. It was fine, it would all be fine, he knew it would be, could feel
her gentle touch soothe the ragged edges of his soul.

“Nothing happens to you, I swear.” Yellow eyes stared into his and Xander
just nodded, relaxing for the first time in what seemed like forever. He
licked his lips and Spike immediately went to the refrigerator, grabbing
water for them both. He handed the bottle to Xander, then turned to Kat.

“Are you going to stay?” Spike watched closely, seeing how she tilted her
head, considering the danger.

“No.” The answer came after only a few moments. Kat reached up and
placed a palm on either side of the door. A brief blue flare and then she
smiled. “Nothing is coming in here tonight, not even me once I leave.” 
She shot a glance at the clock on the wall. “Besides, I really have to
leave now.” She came over and kissed Spike on the cheek, trailing a hand
on his arm. Xander just waved from the couch.

Spike watched her go, then turned back and stood behind Xander, gently
rubbing the remaining tension from his lover’s shoulders. “Do you want a
shower, pet?” Dust coated Xander from head to toe and, while Spike had
cleaned both wrists, there was still the matter of his ankles. Spike
forced back the growl, knowing that would not exactly calm Xander.

“No, too tired.” Xander yawned again, stretching as much as he could with
Spike’s hands on his shoulders. “I am hungry though.” He tilted his head
back and batted his eyelashes at Spike. “There should still be some stuff
in the freezer,” he wheedled, watching Spike roll his eyes.

“Sure thing, mate, is there anything else I can get for you, oh my
master.” Spike headed back to the kitchen, studying the contents of the
freezer skeptically. “Xander, about the only thing in here is some
burritos. At least I think those are burritos.” He poked at the ice
covered lumps. “Or could be, well, not really sure, luv.” He perked up
when he saw the bag. “Some blood for me though.” He pulled the bag from
the freezer, popped it into the microwave and then pulled open the pantry.
“Ahh, that’s more like it, we have some soup.” Soup was nice and
nutritious, that was just what Xander needed.

“Spike, I don’t want soup,” Xander whined from the couch. “I want pizza.”

“No, soup.” Spike opened the can and poured it into a pot, setting it on
the stove. “You need something at least vaguely healthy.”

Xander just sighed, he knew that tone of voice. The “I was fucking scared
out of my mind but I’m a bad ass vampire so I’m going to pretend it was
all fine” voice. The voice that was inevitably accompanied by smothering
attention. Xander stifled a grin. Looked like he was going to get
carried to bed again. He snuggled into the couch. Since there was
nothing he could do when Spike was in this mood he might as well enjoy it.
Hell, last time it got him a nice, long lazy afternoon with Spike running
all over doing his bidding. It might be annoying, but the perks pretty
much made up for it. He heard the beep of the microwave and a faint
scraping as Spike stirred the soup. A few minutes later Spike carefully
walked over, the bowl of soup in his hands. He set it on the table in
front of Xander then the vampire fixed him to the couch with a stern
glare.

“Eat it, all of it,” the words were growled out and Xander immediately
complied. Wow, a growl too. Xander quickly revised his plans to play
taunt his undead lover. A growl on top of the voice meant “I thought I
was going to lose you and am now going to do my best imitation of Angel
brooding.” And the only way to snap Spike out of that was shock
treatment.

Xander quickly ate his soup, Spike standing watch over him the entire
time, absently drinking the blood. The second Xander finished he reached
up and yanked Spike down to join him on the couch, ignoring the startled
yelp Spike let out. He had to stop this now, he could feel the pain
rattling through Spike.

“Spike, I’m fine. I really, really am. I know that you were scared,
hells, I was too, but it’s over now.” He took Spike’s face between his
hands. “It’s all over. You do realize that, don’t you?” He kept his
grip firm as Spike tried to turn away, tried to look down.

“They tried to take you away from me.” This time the growl echoed through
the house.

“But they didn’t.” Xander pressed on relentlessly. “They aren’t ever
going to take me away. No one and nothing is. You need to get that
through your tiny little vampire mind.” Xander kissed him quickly,
smothering the words Spike was desperately trying to say. As soon as
Spike’s hands crept up his back, Xander eased off the kiss, calming them
both.

Spike pulled Xander close, tucking the dark head under his chin. “Did it
hurt to show them?” He wondered about that, about what it would cost
Xander to do that. It was a huge step and to do it this early, well, it
was unheard of. The only reason Spike didn’t just yank Xander away was
his sure knowledge that Kat would be there to help him.

“Not really, it was, just, weird.” Xander didn’t know how to describe it.
It didn’t hurt exactly, but it was strange nonetheless. They stayed
there for a little while, content to merely be with one another. Xander
yawned again, nearly unhinging his jaw as he did so.

“C’mon, pet.” Spike stood then slipped his arms under Xander’s body. He
lifted up easily, the weight nothing in his arms. “Time to get you to
bed.”

Xander nuzzled into Spike’s neck, hiding his grin. He was right, getting
carried to bed. Damn, Spike was so predictable.

Angel sat in the car, staring into the windows lining the front of the
house. There was never any doubt that he would come here, he knew that
the second he unfolded the paper. He just couldn’t really believe that
she wanted him here. Over a century of wanting to see her, wanting to
talk to her and here he was. And he was such a ponce that he couldn’t
even get out of the car. He hung his head, trying to gather his courage. 
Somehow it was easier when he was waiting for her to stake him. That was
known, that he could handle. But this, this was step over the abyss,
straight into the void. He gripped the wheel tightly, then abruptly tore
out of the car and practically ran to the door. He survived wars,
plagues, fire, famine, Spike. He could survive this. He paused one
moment more, then knocked on the door.

Katarina immediately opened the door, hair slightly damp, skin gleaming
slightly from her shower. She was so beautiful like this, just her skin
shining pale in the light. He drank her in, her scent heady, enveloping
him, causing him to lean slightly closer. Just a little closer, just
enough to let the scent curl into his mouth and give him the ghost of her
taste. She surveyed him for long moments, then tilted her head. He saw
the decision cross her face, then she stepped back with a small smile.

“Angelus. Please come in. You are welcome in my home.” A shiver went
done his spine. The same words she used the first time they met. She
turned and he followed her down the hall, taking in the painting lining
the walls. Some were familiar, some were not, her taste as excellent as
always. He suddenly stopped, seeing the small figure on the stand.

“Katarina,” he reached out, tracing his finger down the bronze. This,
this he remembered quite well. He saw her move to stand next to him out
the corner of his eye, but he remained facing forward, not daring to turn
to meet her gaze.

“Yes, I brought all my favorite pieces over with me.” She trailed her
hand down the other side, then turned to face him. Angel turned as well,
trying to decipher the expression on her face.

“This is one of your favorite pieces?” He had to ask, couldn’t stop
himself. Anything to keep her talking, to hear her voice just a little
more.

“Of course it is.” Kat turned away, leading him around the corner and
into the main room. She walked over to the bar, pouring them each a
drink. She met his gaze again as he took the glass. “You gave it to me.”

Angel took a quick swallow at those words, hoping the burn of the whiskey
would help with the shaking of his hands. Glenlivet. His favorite. She
never forgot a thing. He watched her drink, the silence building between
them. He didn’t know what to say, had no idea how to start. So many
words, so much, too much, he had no idea where he could possibly begin.

He set his glass down, determined to say something, anything. “Mistress,”
he began, only to have her hold up a hand to stop him.

“I get to go first. You chose us, Angelus. I would like to know why.” 
Steady blue eyes burned into him and he didn’t hesitate, didn’t stop to
overthink.

“Spike is my childe. Xander is his mate. There really wasn’t a choice.” 
The words shocked even him, the simplicity of it all so apparent now.

“I see.” Kat continued to watch him, then set her glass down as well. 
She stood still, gaze dropping to the floor. He waited. He could wait
forever if she would just stay there with him.

A small sigh and then she looked up. “I can’t forgive you. You know
that.” The words sounded like they hurt her to say.

“I would never ask you to do so, Katarina.” Angel saw her quick nod then
sucked in a breath as she took one step forward, closing the distance
between them ever so slightly.

“I have missed you so.” Kat stopped, unable to take that one step more.

Angel moved closer, reaching out and trailing a hand through her hair. 
“And I have missed you.” His fingers caressed down the side of her face
feeling again the silk of her skin.

She turned into his touch, letting out a shaky breath. “Things will never
to be same, you know.”

“I know, Kat.” He brought his other hand up, cradling her face in his
hands, thumbs stroking her jaw, her breath warm on his hands. “But I
hoped maybe just for today.”

She turned and pressed a kiss into the palm of his hand. “For today.”

He leaned down as she arched up, their lips meeting somewhere in the
middle.

Part Seventeen

He woke to the feel of a cool tongue tracing his ear. He smiled sleepily,
letting out a content sigh as well. Cool tongue tracing his ear, cool
hands roaming over his back. Ahh, yes, this was the way to wake up. 
Definitely the way to wake up. Xander yawned and stretched as he rolled
onto his back, pulling Spike on top of him as he did so.

“Morning,” Xander muttered as Spike nestled across his chest, still
pressing quick kisses into his neck.

“Mmmm,” Spike replied, head buried in Xander’s flesh. He sucked in a deep
breath, memorizing his lover’s scent. He had been awake for hours, just
watching Xander sleep, running his fingers over and over and over Xander’s
face, tracing the lines of the scars on Xander’s eyebrow and neck. It
still seemed impossible to believe that he was this lucky, that this man
was his. And he had almost been taken away. Spike shivered as the
thought pounded through him again, the way it had all through the night. 
Xander could have been taken from him. He could have lost him forever.

“Spike, shh, they couldn’t have taken me from you, nothing can, not any
more, you know that,” Xander ran his hands down Spike’s back, trying to
comfort the vampire. He could feel the pain still there, could hear
Spike’s thoughts as clearly as if the words were spoken aloud. “Shh, I’m
right here, I’m never leaving.”

“I know.” The words ghosted along Xander’s neck as Spike rested in the
crook of Xander’s arm.

“No, you obviously don’t know.” Xander turned so that they were lying on
their sides, facing one another. He pulled one of Spike’s hands to his
mouth and gently kissed each fingertip. “Spike, why won’t you let
yourself believe it?”

“Don’t know, luv.” Spike closed his eyes, losing himself in the comfort
of Xander’s touch.

“Bullshit. You know, Spike, one of the nicest parts of having you in
here,” Xander took Spike’s hand and tapped his forehead with their
entwined fingers, “is that I now can tell when you’re lying. So stop it
and tell me what’s wrong.”

“Oh, bloody hell, that’s just what I need, not being able to lie, how am I
supposed to live like that.” Spike grumped out, his heart not really in
it. He leaned up and kissed Xander, hoping to sidetrack the conversation.

Xander kissed back, losing himself for a moment in the play of their
mouths. Gods, Spike could kiss so very, very well. He pulled Spike
tight, reaching down to tweak Spike’s nipple. He felt the groan in his
mouth and he deepened the kiss, feeling both of their bodies begin to
respond. He felt Spike tug on his shoulders, and he allowed Spike to pull
him so that he was lying on Spike’s chest. He suddenly yanked his mouth
free, panting slightly as he did so.

“Nice try, Spike, but I’m not that easy.” Xander’s eyes rolled back as
Spike snaked a hand between them and started to caress his balls. “Okay,
I might possibly be that easy, but not now.” He forced himself to pull
back, to stand and back away from the bed. “Talk first, then play. Why
don’t you believe that I’ll always be with you?”

Spike sat up, sighing heavily. “We have to talk about this, don’t we?” 
There was no use in trying to pull Xander back down on the bed, if Xander
was determined to talk about it, then there was nothing that would stop
him.

“Yup. Make you a deal, we do this once and then no more. As long as
you’re honest. What’s so hard to believe?” Xander leaned against the
dresser, trying to refrain from throwing himself back on Spike. Gods, the
vampire looked so good like this, hair all mussed, eyes glazed with
arousal, long, pale limbs tangled in the sheets. But this was important. 
And there would be plenty of time to attack Spike once they talked.

Spike picked at the sheets, not meeting Xander’s eyes. “Look, mate, I’ve
done some truly evil things in my time. S’not right that I should have
you, don’t deserve it. I just figure that I can’t be this happy without
fate coming back and biting me in the ass.”

Xander gazed down at Spike’s bent head, not sure how to respond. It was
clear that this was what was troubling Spike, the fear that Xander would
be taken away, that this would be his punishment for all he had done. To
be given his heart’s desire, then to have it taken away. He spoke
carefully. “Spike, I know some of what you’ve done. I understand how you
could be afraid. But this isn’t some punishment, you know. After all,”
Xander started to grin, finding the perfect argument. “I haven’t done
anything evil, well, not that evil, and you’re my gift as well. So if I
get taken from you that means you get taken from me. And then I’ll be
punished for what? For fighting evil? For being a good guy? For loving
you? C’mon, even you aren’t self-centered enough to think that.”

An eyebrow arched up as Spike pulled Xander down on top of him. “Fine,
have a good point why don’t you?” He knew he was overreacting to all
this, but he just couldn’t believe that anything this good could happen to
him of all beings. “Suppose I’m stuck with you.”

“Not yet, but I’m sure we can remedy that situation.” Xander grinned as
Spike groaned.

“That was just sad, Xander, truly, truly sad.” Spike started laughing as
Xander smiled down at him.

“What can I say, bad jokes are my specialty” Xander snuggled down into
Spike’s embrace. “So, no more paranoid worries?” He nipped lightly at
Spike’s collarbone.

“Well, not about that, sure I can came up with some other ones if I
really, really try,” Spike managed to get out. His higher thought
processes were rapidly shutting down.

“Good,” Xander licked his way up to Spike’s ear. “I think we’re done
talking now.” He bit Spike’s earlobe, smirking as Spike hissed.

“About fucking time.” Spike arched as Xander sucked his way back down to
Spike’s neck. The vampire began to writhe as Xander set up a rhythmic
sucking on his neck, raising a huge mark. He thrust his hips as Xander
moved down to his collarbones, biting straight across. He tried to move,
but Xander had his wrists pinned to the bed.

“No, no, my turn to make you lie there and take it,” Xander growled deep
in his chest. Spike just nodded and threw his head back, leaving himself
at Xander’s mercy. They both loved this game, loved to take turns
ravishing one another. Xander moved down to Spike’s ribs, trailing a
tongue along each ridge. He moved on to trace down Spike’s prominent hip
bones, letting go of Spike’s wrists and moving to caress Spike’s sides. 
It tickled and aroused at the same time, and Spike suddenly tried to flip
them over.

“Oww,” Xander yelped as he hit his head on the floor, Spike landing right
on top of him.

“Huh, seem to have run out of bed,” Spike started laughing as Xander
glared up at him.

“Ha, ha, very funny for you to say, you got to land on something nice and
soft. I hit the hard, cold floor.” Xander rubbed the back of his head,
checking for a lump.

“I wouldn’t say soft, pet.” Spike purred into Xander’s ear, rubbing his
hips against Xander. “No, wouldn’t say soft at all.” Spike pinned
Xander’s wrists down, placing his mouth on the hollow of Xander’s throat. 
“You know, I don’t think we’ve ever had sex on the floor.”

“Come to think of it, I don’t think we have either,” Xander managed to
reply, distracted by Spike’s mouth on his throat. “Seems a bit of an
oversight, don’t you think?”

“Oh, definitely. I think we need to remedy that, don’t you?” Spike
purred as he blindly began running a hand along the bedside table. “Fuck,
were the hell did we put it?”

“Try the drawer,” Xander wriggled slightly, trying to reach up as well. 
“We didn’t run out, did we?”

Spike looked down, appalled at the very idea. “Of course not, we would
never do such a thing.” They locked eyes. “Weren’t you supposed to get
some when you went to the store?”

“Yup. And I did. But my car is still in the parking lot.” Xander moaned
as the thought hit him. “Fuck. We are out.”

Spike simply dropped back down and kissed him. “Not to worry, just have
to use something else. Hmm, let’s see, what to do, what to do? Could
always use something from the kitchen or shampoo always works.” His eyes
danced as he ran through the possibilities.

“Yes, but that involves moving, I’m fairly comfortable here.” Xander
grabbed Spike’s ass and pulled him closer.

“Thought you said the floor was cold and hard.” Spike started moving his
hips, rubbing their erections together.

“Well, I’m starting to warm up. And the floor isn’t the hard thing I’m
interested in at the moment.” Xander met Spike’s thrusts, running his
hands up Spike’s back. “Come here, want to taste you.”

“Good idea, mate. Want to taste you, too” Spike flipped around
immediately, pulling Xander down slightly as he did so. He leaned his
head down and ran his tongue along Xander’s shaft just as Xander did the
same to him. They both shuddered slightly, then set to work, each knowing
just when to lick, just when to suck and just when to nip ever, ever so
gently. The room fell quiet, the only sounds the slight slurping noises
coming from them both. Spike leaned on his forearms, lost in the
sensations, delighting in the warmth in his mouth. He felt Xander start
to thrust and he sucked harder, knowing that the end was soon. He
swallowed hard as Xander came, matching swallows milking him at the same
time. Sated, he nestled down on the floor next to Xander, running a hand
along his lover’s shaking thigh.

“Christ, you’re right, the damn floor is cold.” Spike whined, breaking
the quiet.

“Told you.” Xander sat up then pulled Spike up with him. “C’mon, let’s
get back in bed.”

“Always knew you were a bright boy.” Spike let Xander pull him up, then
dove under the covers. “Have to put a rug down, I think.”

“Oh, I don’t think that’s a good idea. Think of the rug burns.” Xander
yanked the covers that the vampire was trying to hog.

“Hmm, good point. Just have to make sure you’re on the bottom then.” 
Spike yelped when Xander smacked him on the ass.

He woke up alone. He wasn’t surprised, he had assumed that he would. But
that didn’t make it any easier. Angel pulled her pillow over to him,
breathing in her scent. He never thought he would have this again, never
thought that he would be granted that privilege. But here he was, lying
in the bed which they had so recently shared. He opened his eyes slowly,
finally looking around the room. It was obviously Spike’s room. Of
course it was, he wasn’t vain enough to think that she could dare take him
into her domain. It was more than enough that she had touched him again.

He sat up, the sheets spilling down to pool at his waist. He could tell
that he was alone, that she was not even in the house. He battled back
the feeling of abandonment that suddenly washed over him. No, she hadn’t
just left him there. He vaguely remembered her whispering something in
his ear when she got out of bed that morning, something about needing to
go somewhere. No, she hadn’t left him. She had just left.

He lay back down, staring at the ceiling, remembering the events of the
previous night. They simply stood in the living room for what seemed like
hours, kissing deeply and slowly. He had forgotten just how much her
taste intoxicated him, the rich, dark flavor of power. She was so small,
that was the other thing he had forgotten. He nearly had to bend in half
to reach her mouth. Eventually, he steered them over to a couch, wanting
to feel her, needing to run his hands over her entire body. They fell on
one another, hands suddenly roaming everywhere. The first trace of her
naked flesh against his chest nearly pushed him over the edge. It had
been a long, long time since anyone else touched him.

“Angelus, shh, stop, just for a moment,” her voice pulled him back from
the edge and he looked into her eyes, turned a dark, indigo blue. “Do you
trust me?”

He stared back at her, the question unexpected. But the answer came
immediately to his lips. “Yes, Mistress. I always have.”

“I know. You do know that I would never do anything to cause you to lose
your soul again.” She continued to stare at him, waiting for him to
realize her meaning.

“I know.” It was his turn to pull back now. “As you said, things can
never be the same. There’s too much darkness now,” he stopped, not
wanting to be the one to say the words.

“Too much darkness to be truly happy. You can say it, I won’t be mad. 
It’s the same for me.” She ran a finger along his lips. “But Angelus, I
have missed you. I do want this. Come, bed now.” She took his hand and
led him to this room.

Angel smiled, thinking back on the night. It was amazing, the way they
came back together as if no time had passed. He still remembered just
where to touch her to make her tremble, still remembered that spot behind
her knee that caused her to moan. She still remembered that he loved to
be bit, loved to have someone play with his hair, loved to have his
fingers licked. But there was so much that he had forgotten as well. He
had forgotten the way her eyelids fluttered when he entered her, forgotten
the exact tone to her voice when she called his name as he thrust into
her, forgotten how her heat seemed to envelop him from inside out. But
now he remembered.

In the end, it was falling asleep with her in his arms that he remembered
now, lying here alone with the smell of her permeating his bones. She was
so still when she slept. He watched her for hours, running his hands
through her hair. The black dye was growing out and the dark blonde of
her hair was starting to show. He loved her hair, he always had, no
matter what color it was. It was always so soft and smelled so good.

He supposed he should get up, should shower and dress, should prepare to
leave. He turned his head slightly, looking for a clock. It was 4:00 in
the afternoon, he still had several hours until night would fall. Several
hours in which he could roam through the house and memorize where she
lived now. Several hours to steel himself for being alone once again. 
Already the still new memory was turning double-edged. He had been given
the honor of touching her once more. And now he would have to return to
L.A., knowing he probably never would again. He had no illusions, he knew
this didn’t change anything. She would never forgive him. He would never
forgive himself. No matter what, that would always be between them.

With a groan, Angel forced himself to sit up, getting ready to head for
the door that he was fairly sure led to the bathroom. He ran a hand
through his hair, trying to tame it slightly before getting out of bed. 
He halted when he saw the envelope propped against the lamp on the bedside
table.

Angelus 

He recognized her angular handwriting immediately. He picked up the
envelope and returned to sit on the edge of the bed. He turned the
envelope over and over his hands, not yet willing to open it. Here he
would have his answer to all his unasked questions. Was this one night,
or did this mark some change in their relationship? Was he being granted
a second chance, some opportunity to start from here and try to forge
something new or was this some final twist of the knife? When he opened
the envelope he would know. And he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. With a
sigh, he slid a finger under the flap. He was supposed to be braver than
this.

Angelus,

First, let me say this. I did not simply leave you here, there are things
that I need to do that pulled me away. I didn’t wake you because you
always look so peaceful when you sleep, and I did not want to disturb your
peace. I know that you do not get much of it any other time.

Second, let me say thank you. Thank you for coming to me. Thank you for
helping us. Thank you for showing loyalty to your childe. I know that it
was not easy, just as I know that you truly loved the Slayer. The fact
that you barely hesitated told me all I ever needed to know about where
your loyalties lie. In the end, blood wins out.

Ah, my sweet Angelus, I wasn’t lying when I said that I’ve missed you. As
furious as I have been, as much as I have longed to hear of your death, in
equal part I have missed the sound of your voice. You always were a
worthy companion. I know that you wondered why I came to you. In the end
it was for who you were when you were with me, when you no longer had the
responsibility of others weighing on you. You don’t know it, but your
entire bearing changes when you are alone like that. No more the dark,
brooding Irish lad, instead you lighten, you become almost playful. I can
see then who you would be if given the chance.

But you haven’t been given that chance. The gods took most of it from
you. And then I took the rest. I do not regret my actions, nor do I 
think that you expect me to do so. After all, in some sense I gave you
that which you longed to have. I restored your humanity, at least in some
small measure. Is that why you were so vicious with William, why you felt
the need to rend his flesh? Could you sense that he had been allowed to
retain that which made him human, that your childe had been given that
which you longed to have? I think that it was.

I did not lie when I said that I could never forgive you. However, these
long years have given me time to think. Why did you act as you did? Was
it merely because you were furious for the loss of what I will admit was a
luscious feeding ground? Was it because you thought that I was losing
face, submitting myself to a human lover? Or was it something more? In
the end, I think it was that. I think you were jealous. Over me,
certainly, but over more. You were jealous that some human could have
that which was denied you, that which I would never give you. You were
jealous of all the times that I took William from you. You were jealous
that in the end I could make the choice whether to stay with you or
whether to go. And that’s why you did what you did.

But what about me? Why did I act as I did? I left Thomas alone. I let
Thomas leave that night. I could have made him stay, you know. It would
have been simple to do so, and he would never have known that I was the
one who put the idea in his mind. But I didn’t. That was such a huge
part of what I loved about him, that he chose to be with me of his own
volition. So I couldn’t do that, couldn’t make him stay.

But I could have given him protection. Instead, I left him unguarded. 
Why? I have had many a sleepless night to ask myself just that question. 
Why? Surely I knew that you would take some action. And in the end, I
have been forced to the only conclusion. It was a test. A test to see if
you would act. A test to see how far you would go. And you acted as I
knew you would. As, indeed, I myself had taught you to do. If roles were
reversed and you were me, I would have turned Thomas and then sent him to
feed, letting your blood kill him. But I would have come for Thomas. I
taught you well, I had to know you would act. So, the only conclusion is
that it was a test. I wanted to know the depths of your feelings. I
received my answer.

Understand, I am not saying that Thomas meant nothing to me. Quite the
opposite. He was indeed my soulmate. He was the other half that I was
always missing, that I will always be missing now. If he was not so, you
would not have been so threatened. He was my everything. And you took
him away.

But even that can be considered an act of mercy. You see, I could not
bind him to me, I could not take him into my Order. It was not meant to
be. You have no idea of how much I ached when I realized that, that I
would lose him one day. So, in a way, you saved me from that, from the
slow agony of watching him age, watching him grow weak and old. You saved
me from that.

But I still had to take revenge. And I know you understand that as well. 
But, vengeance is a double-edged blade. For in the end, I have given you
that which you sought. I have given you such measure of humanity as is
mine to mete. And, in the end, you have to appreciate the symmetry of it
all. You took away my soul. I gave you yours. You find your soulmate,
you experience true happiness. Then you lose your soul again. And then
hell itself casts you out. I never anticipated that you know, I never
figured she would be able to send you to hell. But she did. And hell
sent you back. And now you must live with that.

So now we find ourselves here. I can never forgive you. And you will
never ask. But we can move beyond. I have missed you. And you have
missed me.

I will not be home before you leave, as I said, I have things to do. But
I’ll call you in L.A. And you can call me. So, we return to this. I may
not forgive you, but neither will I simply stand by and miss you any more.
After all, we have a childe to care for.

Angelus, Angelus, Angelus, life is never simple. 

He set the envelope down, not quite believing his luck. He had her back,
at least in some way. He reached up, feeling an odd weight lying on his
chest. He lifted a hand, spinning the amulet around, watching the way the
blood trapped in the crystal reflected back the light.

He woke to pounding on the door. Blearily, he looked over to the
nightstand, squinting to make out the numbers on the clock. 10:30 a.m. 
He groaned as the pounding started again. He couldn’t believe that he
slept so late. He stumbled to the door, picking his glasses up off the
coffee table as he staggered past. He looked out the small hole, stunned
by who he saw standing there.

“Watcher, I know you’re at the door, for hells sake you made enough noise,
now let me in. I brought tea and muffins.” Kat held up the bag and the
tray holding the cups as she took a step back.

Giles slid back the chains and then turned the locks, his mind spinning. 
What was she doing here? What more could she want? And why had she
brought tea and muffins?

“Heavens sake, Watcher, stop looking at me like that. It’s not like I’m
carrying snakes or something. Now, can I please come in?” Kat grinned at
the confused look on his face. It made him look ten years younger.

“Yes, certainly, Mistress.” He stepped back, and she strode into the
living room, taking a long look around.

“Very nice, it suits you, I like all the books. Here, I have English
Breakfast and Earl Gray, I wasn’t sure which you would like better. Both
muffins are chocolate chip, though. Can never go wrong with chocolate
chip muffins.” She held up the cups, looking at him expectantly.

Giles reached out and took the Earl Gray, needing the familiar taste. He
automatically took the muffin she handed him, then joined her on the
couch. “Mistress, is there, there something I can do for you?”

“Mmmm, these are good. They’re from that little shop just down the street
from your store, I stopped by to make sure that kid you hired opened it
up. I knew you would be in late. You should really give him a raise,
everything looked great. And he knows his stuff.” Kat licked a finger,
cleaning off the crumbs that stuck there. “Goddess, chocolate has to be
the greatest find ever.”

“Mistress, as much as I appreciate the tea and muffin, surely you didn’t
come here just for breakfast?” He might as well ask, it looked like he
wasn’t going to be getting straight answers any time soon. At least now
he knew where Spike learned it.

“Oh, well, I figured you might want to know why I kept you from spilling
your soul out to Xander last night.” She blew on her tea as she took a
swallow. “Mmm, Fortnum & Mason’s. Didn’t expect to find that here in
California.”

Giles just barely managed not to spray tea all over. “Yes, well, indeed,
I did, I mean,” he started to choke slightly. Kat leaned over and patted
him firmly on the back.

“Calm down, Watcher, I’m not here to kill you. I’m just here to answer
some questions and make some plans. So, why don’t you ask?” She set her
tea down and turned to face him.

“Yes, well, why did you block Xander from my mind? He deserves to know
all that I have done, just how I’ve failed him. Why did you do that?” He
watched her closely, seeing the emotions flick across her face.

“Let me answer you with a question of my own. Where is the Council?” 
Kat’s eyes narrowed as she returned his stare.

The question threw him and he sat back with a blink. “The Council? Why
would the Council be here?”

Kat stood, picking up her tea again. She began to pace and Giles’ eyes
watched her every move. “Why indeed. Well, let’s see, it’s been well
over a week since I told you that Xander has come into his power. Yet, no
members of the Council are here. As I understand it, you’ve stopped
answering your phone, and you told your children to only call your
cellular. That implies that you are avoiding someone. The only
conclusion to be drawn is that it’s the Council. So, I want to know why. 
Why haven’t you told them yet?”

Giles shifted under her gaze. “Because I didn’t really think that it was
any of their concern.”

“Really, hmmm, that’s an interesting position.” Kat took a swallow of her
tea, then plopped back next to him on the couch. “Maybe you should
explain.”

He sighed, reaching up for his glasses. “Perhaps I was just afraid of
your reaction.”

“Nope, not buying it. Try again.” She set her tea down once more and
turned to face him. “Let’s try the truth this time.”

“Fine. The truth. The truth is that I told the Council you left a month
ago. The truth is that I have no desire that they come for Xander. The
truth, well, the truth is that I know where my loyalty lies. And it is
not with the Council.” He felt a weight lift from his soul as he said the
words, finally glad to have the truth out at last.

“And that’s why I kept Xander away from you. I figured you should tell
him yourself.” Kat reached out and placed her hand on his arm. “Don’t
worry, he’ll understand.”

“Mistress,” Giles began, stunned at her mercy. “I don’t deserve. . .”

“Please, call me Kat. Or Katarina if you must. And I get to decide what
you do and don’t deserve. You have proven yourself worthy, Giles. You
placed Xander’s life before your own. Loyalty shown to one of mine is
loyalty shown to me. You have nothing to fear from me.” She leaned over
and kissed him gently on the cheek. “Now that that’s out of the way, we
have a lot to discuss.”

Giles stared at her, shocked speechless for a moment. It couldn’t be that
simple. Could it? He ran her words over in his mind, hearing the truth. 
In the end, it was that simple. He was loyal to what was hers and she
valued that above all else. “How may I serve you Mist, I mean Katarina?”

“Oh, stop that. This isn’t about service. This is about our children.” 
She sighed as she stood to pace again. “You know how much that little
family needs one another, you know as well as I do that they are as much
family as if they were born to it. I’m afraid it’s going to be up to us
to make sure they see that.”

“You, you want them to speak again? You would allow them to be part of
Xander’s life again?” He was stunned. This was completely unexpected.

“Of course, that’s what he wants, you know. To be part of everything. 
And it’s what’s best for him in the end. And, after all, it’s not like
Xander’s view of the situation is the only correct one. Willow has always
been his friend and the Slayer was only acting as she thought best. Even
I can be objective enough to see that.” Kat’s eyes briefly flashed red. 
“Not that I plan on forgiving her any time soon.” She shook her head
briefly, then turned back to Giles. “But that’s not the point. The point
is that, unfortunately, we are going to have to be the designated
grownups. I’ll work on the boys, you get the girls.” She grinned
slightly. “Wait, that sounded a lot dirtier than I meant it to.”

Giles smiled slightly, chuckling a long with Katarina. “I understand what
you mean.” He took a sip of his own tea, the familiar taste of home quite
soothing. “And how do you propose we go about this?”

“Frankly, I have no idea.” Kat grinned down at him. “That’s why I’m
here. I hate to admit this, but you know the gang better than I do. I’m
open to suggestion.”

Giles met her gaze and then motioned for her to join him on the couch. 
“This isn’t going to be simple. They are all quite stubborn, you know.”

“Yes, I picked that up.” Kat nestled into the couch, reaching for her tea
again. “I was thinking maybe a swarm of locust?”

“No, that’s been done to death, it will need to be something dramatic, yet
subtle at the same time.” Giles began to relax, enjoying the company. 
For once, he had someone else to share the burden of maturity with. It
felt nice. And after all, he was happy to help. He missed Xander and
wanted him back. And if she was willing to share, then he would do
whatever he could to help. “Are you sure you can get Spike to go along?”

Kat threw her head back and started to laugh. “Trust me, Giles, Spike
will do what I say. I might need to beat him for awhile, but he will do
it. Besides, and do not tell him I told you so, he likes the lot of you
quite a bit. Oh yes, he’ll agree.”

Giles smiled back as he thought. A plan, they would need a plan. Well,
he did know how to do that. His eyes glimmered as an idea began to take
hold.

TBC