A Morning of Hell
As they finished their dinner John and Lucy realized they had been quiet almost the whole time. Both couldnt remember the last time they had had the oppertunity to talk to eachother like before. Lucy could remember when talking to carter was her favorite part of the day. But now it seemed like the most aukward part. They would both try and make some kind of small talk but when either of them thought of a question they realized they already knew what the answer was.
Finally Lucy broke the silence with something important enough to talk about.
"Dr. Lawrence told me today that hes going to take me off of the depression pills." she had been so excited to hear she was out of depression that the news had left her mind.
"Really?" he sounded very excited knowing lucy would be ok after the incident.
"yea" he says that ive made a lot of improovent whatever that means, and that he thinks that with the support of my family, I should have no problem." it made her happy to see him smile again the way he used to when he was proud of her. She remembered that smile from when she told him she was finally of the ritilin.
'I'm so proud of you luce, I knew youd get off that stuff sooner or later' he had said when she broke the news. his voice still stayed in her head.
"thats amazing luce and dont worry ill be here for you if you need me" he stroked her hair and smiled at her. Lucy had now become accustomed to his habbits. his obbsession for jazz music, his constant need to be called 'Carter' (unless she was with him alone) and the noises he made. She knew when to let him be, or when he needed her or someone to talk to, she even knew the noise he made for being upset from work from maybe loosing a patient or getting yelled at by Dr. Weaver. She loved knowing these things about him.
"Come on," she said "well clean up later" she got up as he followed her to the bedroom.
'I miss this" ran through both of their heads laying there next to eachother. They both knew they had barely anytime to be romantic anymore but this only made it 10 times better when they had the chance.
"Luce," he whispered down noticing her head on his chest.
"Yea", she looked up and smiled at him and came closer to his face.
"We really needed this didnt we?" he finally admitted for both of them. They both wanted a big family but they also wanted to still have that spark in their relationship. If they had these problems with one kid, what would happen with 2, or 3?
"Yea" she thought the same things in her mind that he had.
"I have the day off tomorow"she told him.
"me too." he was so happy inside knowing that for the first time in 2 years they both had the same day off.
"good, well sleep in" she kissed him and fell asleep in his arms.
~~~~~~~~~~~next day 4:30 pm their house~~~~~~~~~
"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?" lucy was furious with carter at the moment. she wanted to spend the day with him and all he wanted to do was go out with his friends.
"what are you talking about? arent I entitled to be with my friends even though were married?!" he was so angry with lucy. 'come on all i want to do is go with my friends its not like im packing up and going!' he thought to himself. he finally decided to say that to her realizing that he was right.
"I KNOW THAT" she hated it when they argued but this was something that would have to be fought out.
"JOHN TRUMAN CARTER, ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS SPEND 1 DAY WITH YOU JUST 1!" he was still thinking about the fact that she had mentioned his entire name. That was never ever ever a good sign. she had only done that once and that time he knew he was wrong. gravely wrong. he had forgotten to call her and say that he would be late to pickup their son before lucy went to visit her grandmother in the hospital up state. She had missed her ride and her family was pissed off at her. her mother was forgiving and so were her grandparents but her aunts and uncles still didnt talk to her as much.
"I dont understand why you cant just take one day to be with me?!" she began to cry trying to hold back her tears trying to be brave for herself.
"LUCY!" now it was his turn to yell. "JUST BECAUSE WE GOT MARRIED, DOES NOT MEAN I HAVE TO SPEND EVERY SINGLE DAY WITH YOU AND NOT ONE DAY WITH MY FRIENDS THATS ALL!" he could not believe he had just said that. he knew he was wrong and that it would hurt her to hear that. He instantly regretted saying it.
she thought her words out carefully before saying something that could change their lives together forever.
"ok" she said calmly still tears came to her eyes now more intensely. "if you dont want to spend time with me, maybe you shouldnt have said 'i do' at the alter. so ill fix that for you." she was scared of her next words. "just go and this itme there will be a suit case in the front hall for you". and with that she ran to her room as fast as possible not even looking back at his own tears.
~~~~~~~~CCGH~~~~~~~~
Carter walked into the lounge angry at himself. he didnt have an angry look though, he wore a depressingly sad expression that made everyone wonder what was wrong.
just then peter benton walked into the lounge after him. he wanted to know the same thing everyone else had.
"Carter, what the hell happened to you?" he looked slightly concerned but still wore his brave and bold expression. he felt more cnocern than he showed and carter knew that.
"nothing why do you ask?" he was quiet and it was a tone that made you know he was lying.
"Shut up carter and tell me what the problem is man" he knew how to cut to the chase with him.
carter punched his locker not recognizing the pain in his fists, he was to distracted by lucys words.
"Lucy kicked me out" he said staring into bentons eyes with a strong solid look that didnt last for more than 1 minute tops. he found himself starting to tear a little. ' hold it back carter dont cry infront of your teacher'. he coached himself but the morning events had been too strong even for his own coaching.
"oh man"peter stared anywhere else but carter. thinking of what to say next.
"yup" was all carter could say. he sat down in a chair with his coffee just staring into the black liquid. he hated his coffee black. that was the first thing lucy had known about him. he hated himself for remembering that.
"what happened?" he sat down opposite carter arms crossed ready to listen to anything he had to say.
after carter had spilled everything that had happened that morning he started to tear again this time he held back the sobs.
"hey carter, you know-"
"yea i know i was wrong but it, well it just seemed,...i dunno. ok at the time" he finally admitted that he was wrong to someone other that well, no one. peter had dragged it out of him without saying one word. how? carter knew that peter would lecture him afterwards until he admitted being wrong so he automatically cut the bull and admitted it saving himself one more lecture.
"well tell that to her"
"cover for me?" was the next thing he would say but peter had already beaten him to the answer.
"and dont worry your covered so just get your ass out of here" he chuckled at his own comment and looked at the window to find all the nurses and jerry with cups to their ears and the window trying to hear what was going on. peter laughed not bothering to tell carter that the entire ER would know about his problems in less than 5 minutes.
~~~~~~Carter and lucys house 30 minutes later~~~~~~~
"LUCY!" he cried out as he ran in but tripped over something and looked up to find 3 suitcases packed . 'she really did it' he thought. Even just staring at those suitcases was killing him. he felt the same pain he had from the last time he was on the floor. and just like the last time he found himself unable to speak.
"Oh youre home huh?" she added in a caustic tone that ripped through him...just like that knife.
"Lucy listen to me I-" he was cut off to loud yells from someone he didnt know could say such things.
"SHUT THE F*CK UP CARTER!" she screamed so hard it hurt.
"I dont want to hear anything that you have to say because if its going to be half as bad as what you said this morning i dont want to ever talk to you agian!" she ran into her room and found herself crying into a pillow.
he slowly followed her. on the way he thought of what he would say.
'i was wrong and we both know it'? no shes heard that before.
'please let me finish'? no
suddenly the perfect sentence popped into his head.
he oppened the door only to be hit by a hard object in the gut.
he fell to the floor as she made her wat towards him.
" you forgot one of your shoes" she was hurt by her own words and suddenly dropped next to hiim. she started to cry.
he forgot his own physical pain and sat up next to her.
"hey wanna hear something i never said to you as a med student?" he stated his perfect sentence.
"it cant be much worse than what i said" she cried her head now in her hands as she pulled her hair out of her wet face.
"You were right" he looked at her waiting for a response.
she looked up at him and smiled. that smile made his whole body go weak. he was still nervous though. "you have no idea how much i needed to hear that. now AND then" she laughed with him from her comment. she flung her self into his arms and kissed him for what seemed like forever.
"come on." he said
"first one to get to those suitcases makes dinner tonight" she jumped up and ran with carter runing straight behind her.
