Cast: Greg Proops, Wayne Brady, Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles, and Drew Carey

Let's Make A Date: Greg = contestant; Wayne = the greatest lover in France; Colin = going through all the stages of getting drunk; Ryan = pig farmer from Arkansas
Did you notice when the audience was applauding the handsome and nattily dressed Greg that he was signaling the audience to stop with one hand while encouraging them to continue with the other? He's done that before, but I thought I remind would you of it. Wayne delved into his quirk's French aspect immediately by responding "Bonjour" to Greg's traditional hello. Greg never got a chance to ask Wayne a real question. Greg did ask him how he was but that's another traditional salutation. Wayne, though, took it as his question and responded that he was fine but not as fine as Greg. Then he started implying a yes / nasal approving tone followed by a no / disapproving sound then back to a positive, but I'm not sure what he was trying to get across by the sequence. Whatever Wayne intended, it worked for Greg as he moved on to contestant number two. "I heart eating." So where would Colin take Greg out to eat? Very logically, Colin responds "a restaurant". Increasingly inebriated, Colin finds the idea of eating out fascinating and begins to sing, "Going to the restaurant, going to the restaurant, going to the..." and then stops. Greg: "You sound heck of fun." When the camera pulls back during Colin's singing, take a glance at Ryan. You get a preview of his quirk then as he chews his chaw waiting for his turn. Finally, it's Ryan's turn. Greg wants to know what they can do together outside. Ryan figures they could roll around in the mud. He'd make sure that Greg didn't get hurt and have to sue him. Sue! Sue! Repeating the word over and over until it sounds like the traditional hog caller's "suey". Ryan's call got loud enough that it aroused Colin from his drunken stupor and he echoed it back to Ryan. Although Ryan never dropped character, from the way he whipped his head around to look at Colin, I don't think he was expecting Colin to join in there.

Greg's next line to Wayne proved that he had the French part of the quirk down. "Contestant number un." The French word for one. When Greg asked Wayne where would they go dancing, Wayne unintentionally confused the issue by offering to take Greg to the moon, spin him around a crater, and slap his lunar surface. Then he blew smoke rings at Greg — one of them was even heart-shaped. The moon imagery was very nice, but unfortunately misleading because it made Greg think Wayne was a French astronaut, but he eventually worked his way back to a "romantic French guy". I don't remember what Greg's second question to Colin was, but it doesn't matter since Colin didn't attempt to answer it. Thoroughly drunk, Colin started protesting his love for Greg, then threw up, and passed out spread-eagle on the floor. Intrigued by the sight, Ryan leaned off his stool to stare at the prone body in front of him. Steadily stare. Intently stare. Deep in thought stare. Greg: "If I were mashed potatoes, what would you spoon over me?" Ryan: Steadily stare. Intently stare. Deep in thought stare. "I'm sorry. I was ... thinking about something else." Ryan goes back to staring. Greg fans himself since the temperature in the room seems to have risen a degree or two. Drew buzzes in and asks Greg for his guesses. As I said, he eventually gets Wayne's quirk after a slight flight to the moon. Colin is correctly guessed as "my Uncle Ted". Drew applauds and asks Greg how'd he guess the quirk. If you listen carefully, Ryan repeats "How'd you guess?" only he asks Colin the question, not Greg. Then Ryan asks Colin for real, "What was it?" Watch Ryan struggle to keep a straight face while Greg guesses his quirk. Greg's reference to the cast of "Deliverance" makes Ryan smile slightly although he recovers quickly, but Ryan has to really fight to not grin when Greg describes him as a "hog caller who ... loves other things". Fun game and good work by all.

Scene to Rap: in a hospital; all four
Wayne begins by making heart monitor beeping sounds in time to the rap rhythm. Greg joins in with a nice EKG scratching counterpoint when all of a sudden the patient's heart beat flatlines. Fortunately, as Wayne discovered, it was only an equipment malfunction. Even still, Wayne thinks they should call a nurse soon or the patient might die. Greg agrees although he's confused as to why they are there since he's a neurologist and Wayne's a proctologist. They decide to call in a nurse anyway, when in walks a full doctor, oddly enough named Dr. No. (Nice James Bond reference, Ryan.) Ryan: "Now, if I could rap I would be a sensation, but I can't you see, I'm just a Caucasian." (My second favorite line in this game.) Wayne begs Ryan to help out and save the patient. Ryan's smart enough to recognize that since the patient is male, he doesn't need a pap, so he'll take the paddles and zap, zap, zap. Despite the best efforts of all three men, Colin enters to announce "he's dead, he's dead. And his name is Jim." And then comes my favorite line — Colin: "What once was is no longer were." I'm not one hundred percent certain that all the verb tenses are correct in that line. It should probably be "What once was is no longer was", but I'll give Colin artistic license since the word "were" rhymes so much better with "the Grim Reaper" than the other word. And the game ends with the Grim Reaper dancing and beckoning his victim onward. All I have to say is that when I die, I hope the Grim Reaper is as poetical and moves as well as Colin does.

I noticed a couple of post-game things that I wanted to pass along. As the cast goes to sit down, Ryan reaches for his water and takes a drink. Just before Drew starts awarding points, you hear either Ryan or Colin say "Uh-oh" off-camera. I think it's Ryan, but I'm not positive. I have this theory about that "uh-oh" that I'll mention later on, but this is the place where you hear it. Also, remember at the beginning of Let's Make A Date when I reminded you about Greg using one hand to discourage the audience's applause and the other hand to encourage it? Wayne mimics the action after Drew gives his the points because the ladies like the way he walks. I thought it was interesting to see the cross-pollination of gestures there.

Hats: all four
I admit that Hats has never been one of my favorite games. I spent most of the time here watching the little things rather than concentrating on the jokes — many of them tried and slightly tired favorites from the UK version. I thought the little interplay between Ryan asking Colin if he could handle the hatbox and Colin gruntingly lying that he could amusing. I was very confused by the black sombrero with the pink pom-pom braid sitting on the top of Greg and Wayne's hatbox. It looked like it had a yellow square in the middle of the brim. I couldn't figure out what it was or why it was there. I finally decided it must have been a Post-It type note indicating which box belonged to which pair. I wish I could have seen the hat used in order to see if the yellow square was gone. But I'm pretty sure that was what the yellow square was.

Colin probably had the weakest entries of all. Drew really like the pointy ski hat, "And that's just my hat", but Colin has used it a lot. "You don't need to worry, I'm a Trojan" while wearing the helmet was a nice counterpoint to Ryan's "knight rider" joke using the same hat. Speaking of Ryan, his "merrie men" joke reminded me of his UK gay soldier hat joke, very similar delivery. I liked Ryan's "You got me, Babe" wearing the pig mask. But my favorite of Ryan's was the halo and "Care to be touched by an angel?" Greg got off to good start with Abraham Lincoln's four score and seven years reference. The space helmet and safe sex was okay. Greg's best undeniably was the glasses and the Drew joke. Drew trying incessantly to buzz Greg out reminded me of the old UK days with Greg refusing to give in. But let's face it. The man with the buzzer will always win in the end, and this time was no exception. But it was fun to watch the battle of wills. (Does anyone else find it amusingly odd that a man who normally wears glasses, took off his real glasses, put them in his pocket, then donned a pair of fake glasses, in order to imitate a second man who also wears glasses? Seemed like a lot of trouble to me.) Two of Wayne's entries were just okay. Don King and Bill Clinton. But the laurel wreath was inspired. Wayne almost had trouble getting his line out without cracking up. "My last boyfriend gave me Hermes." Very literate. Very funny. Watch Drew turn around and look at the audience while he's laughing.

Weird Newscasters: Greg = anchor; Colin (co-anchor) = can no longer hide his love for the anchorman; Wayne (sports) = James Brown; Ryan (weather) = anchor's angry neighbor
"Packed Tightly" introduces the top story about drunken pigs and then turns the news over to Colin. Colin confesses that sometimes secrets have to come out. Sometimes two people have feelings for each other — perhaps more on one side than the other — but those feelings have to be shared. Ever since he first saw Greg on W... PPL (Colin trips over the station call letters a bit), Colin's been in love with him. (Notice that Colin calls Greg by name. It's unusual for Colin to forget a character name mid-scene.) Colin: "Kiss me! Kiss me like you've never kissed an anchor before!" And before Greg can react, Colin leans over and kisses him. Colin: "My God! I am truly a man!" A rumpled and distracted Greg announces "Our next story, Colin comes out." Colin strokes Greg's arm and scrunches his nose at him. Greg attempts to maintain his composure while introducing Wayne but isn't entirely successful. As James Brown, Wayne starts talking about the Cardinals. And that's about all I can understand out of Wayne's bit. There's a lot of "hunhs!" and much hip action. At one point, Greg takes off his jacket, hands it to Colin who places it on Wayne's shoulders. But Wayne shrugs it off. Since I've seen Wayne and others do James Brown before, I wasn't surprised that the brief Cardinals reference was all I could understand. That seems to be the norm. There was one other bit that I understood. After Wayne was finished, Colin tells Greg "I saw the way you looked at him, but I don't care. You're big enough for the both of us." Wayne replies, "You're the fruit, loop." Funny but demeaning. Greg finally regains control enough to introduce Ryan at the weather map. Dripping with sarcasm, Ryan thanks Packed for remembering him over in the corner. (For a change, Ryan is the only actor to remember Greg's character name.) Ryan predicts some bad weather coming. And after seeing Greg naked prancing around the house (Colin is horrified), Ryan thinks that there may be some small craft warnings coming as well. Ryan hopes the pending lightening will fry Greg like a steak (what an image, Ryan) and then advises Colin that he could do better than Greg. Colin's way too good for Greg, according to Ryan. Greg tries to sign off the news aware that Colin is angry at the "prancing naked" thought. But slowly Colin forgives Greg and rests his head on Greg's shoulder. His face the very picture of bliss. Mollified and touched, Greg leans his head briefly on Colin's and then straightens up to invite the viewers to join Colin and him on the morning show, "Love Muffins", where they will explain everything. Suddenly, Greg jumps, grabs Colin, and returns the kiss from earlier in the game. (Greg's actions caught Colin off-guard. You can hear Colin laughing as Greg nearly knocks him off his stool.)

Greatest Hits: Songs of the Bus Driver; Ryan and Colin sell; Wayne sings
As Ryan is walking down to the stools, you might have noticed that he has his right hand resting in an unusual place on his pants. Now I have no proof of this, but remember that "uh-oh" I mentioned at the end of Scene to Rap? How much you want to bet that Ryan spilled water on his pants at the end of the game and was trying to cover up the spot before Greatest Hits? It's just a theory, of course, but it does explain Ryan's rather odd hand placement.

Five hundred songs on fifty CDs. All about our friend the bus driver. Throughout the ages ... (Colin, how long has the bus driver been around?) ... or at least the ages when we've had buses, there have been songs about our friend, the bus driver. Including the number one Michael Jackson hit, "You're Not on My Route". Which Colin pronounces like "root". And in a delightful bit of second guessing, Colin half turns to Ryan and asks, "Would that be 'rowt'?" Not waiting for a response, Colin turns back to the camera and definitively repeats, "'Rowt'". Meanwhile, Ryan is sitting there trying to act as if the whole incident didn't happen. And not succeeding terribly well as his face crumples into laughter at Colin's one-sided debate. Not one to ignore inspiration when provided, Wayne then incorporates both pronunciations into his song earning smiles from Colin the first time Wayne "corrects" himself — "root, I mean rowt". It's a really fun song. And I like it a lot. I was really impressed by Wayne's toe stand at the end of the song until I realized that it's an illusion. Wayne is only using one foot. The upstage foot is flat on the ground while the downstage foot looks as if he's standing on his toes. I'm still impressed, just not as much. To top off the song, Ryan comes in with a compliment for Michael Jackson that has Drew doubled over. Ryan: "Michael Jackson. A wonderful singer and a great head coach."

Ryan begins to say that they have songs from many different countries. A segue that doesn't lead into a song, but does lead into some nice banter as he stops himself to ask Colin how much he'd pay for a five CD set like this. Or even a fifty CD set (Ryan caught himself before Colin could). Colin: "Why I'd pay up to $50,000!" Ryan stares in disbelief. Colin: "But I'm an idiot!" Ryan: "And you're from Canada, so with the exchange?" Colin: "I'm still an idiot!" (Listen to how Colin delivers that second line.) That banter has nothing to do with introducing the next song performed, but it still loads of fun. The next song is that great country and western song, simply titled, "Pfffff". (Whenever Ryan announces that the song is "simply titled", be prepared for a very strange song title.) Inspired again, Wayne produces a classic of a song which begins with a jug, then a washboard, a bus door opening, the horn, the bus driver calling "C'mon, c'mon!", and finally the bus fare dropping in the coin slot. All rhythmically timed to Laura Hall's accompaniment. Afterwards, Wayne challenges Ryan and Colin to bring it on, he can take anything they throw at him. At that point, most everyone seems inclined to agree with him.

As part of his introduction to the next song of the bus driver, Colin points out that our Canadian friends say "a boos". Ryan interrupts him to say that Colin made him giggle. I never saw or heard Ryan giggling, but I certainly saw Drew nearly spit out his Pepsi. Maybe that was what Ryan was referring to. None the less, Colin introduces that 80s funk hit, "I Got a Flat Tire, I Got a Flat Tire". Two things stand out in my mind from Wayne's song here. One was his reference to the 405 — occasionally the actors forget that not everyone lives in California. I knew it was a major highway or interstate just from the song, but I've only recently learned exactly which interstate it is. I didn't know the first time I saw this episode. The other thing that comes to mind is that just like in Let's Make A Date, Wayne makes a spanking reference. I've noticed he tends to mention spanking a lot. And that's as far as I ever plan to take that train of thought. At the end of the game, you can see Greg, Drew, and eventually Colin bowing to Wayne for a truly great round of songs. But did you hear Colin tell him, "you are too good!" as he patted Wayne on the back?

Newsflash: Greg and Ryan = anchors; Drew = field reporter in front of King Kong footage
This might have been the first time Drew introduced the Newsflash game. If it wasn't, he was still fairly new at it introducing it. He seemed a little lost without his game introduction card to help him out. When the game begins, we go immediately into Ryan introducing himself as "Thomas Guide". I think there was a small piece cut out there. Partly because Ryan usually does some chatter with his co-anchor first and partly from Ryan's tone when he introduced himself. It sounded as if the "I'm Thomas Guide" was said at the end of a paragraph and not at the beginning. Ryan gave Drew his first clue by asking him if he felt as if he was in danger. But I don't think Drew realized then that it was a clue. He got it later on, I think. Drew broke the illusion of the field reporter knowing what he is reporting on, though, when he said that they're leaving him alone — "whoever it is." The field reporter should never admit that he doesn't know what's behind him if the game is going to work. When Greg asked Drew how he was feeling, Drew responds with "I feel very alone". Naturally, a crowd of people comes rushing by on the screen. Now, I know that the actor in front of the screen truly cannot see the video behind him. So it never ceases to amaze me how often the actor manages to contradict the video's action. A few more hints, "Drew, you're the king in our book." And then a question from Ryan about a red bum or a blue bum. Which doesn't make much sense to me, but Drew seemed to clue in on it. Drew: "Is there monkeys behind me?" Colin who's sitting at the desk disguised as the game referee comes in when one last clue; "Do you have any idea? Take a big guess." From that, Drew managed to get to King Kong, surprising himself — "I can't believe I lucked out." This is the only time Drew has played Newsflash so far which is a shame. I think it could be a good alternative game for him if he had a little more practice.

Best Game:
Three very good games to choose from: Let's Make A Date, Weird Newscasters, and Greatest Hits. Although Songs of the Bus Driver has some classic songs in it, I'm going to go with Weird Newscasters. I really enjoyed the interplay between Colin and Greg in this one. With Ryan making a significant contribution and Wayne putting in his two cents as well. Besides when I try to think of a single image that identifies this episode, that picture of Colin with his head on Greg's shoulder and Greg leaning his head on top of Colin's instantly comes to mind. It's hard to come up with a snapshot better than that.

Overall Comments:
This is a fine episode with everyone getting a chance to shine. There's a great deal of give and take as everyone works together to make a solid performance. I like this one a lot.

© LKK 09/02/01