Superheroes: crisis = too many blue shoes; Greg = Quick Rick; Ryan = Faking Injury for Sympathy Man; Colin = Captain Coward; Wayne = Show-stopping Number Boy
You can glimpse the cast members' camaraderie during Drew's game introduction if you watch Wayne and Colin off to the side; Wayne is pumping Colin's shoulders during Drew's speech. Greg, as Quick Rick, opens the game by apologizing to Wonder Woman. Apparently, it's never happened to him that fast before. So how many times has a super fast superhero started the game with a similar apology? Three times? Four maybe? Interrupting his phone call, Quick Rick forgets his shame with a cry of "great leaping armadillos!" as he notices the alarm on the World Crisis Monitor. Blue shoes are everywhere — a fashion faux pas unless you're in France. Fortunately, Quick Rick's friends arrive to help him. Unfortunately the first to arrive has had some difficulty along the way. In comes the man who inspired the crisis, "They got me! They got me!" Ryan wails over the blueness of his shoes. Quick Rick thanks Faking Injury for Sympathy Man for his timely arrival. But Faking Injury for Sympathy Man won't be able to help much because of a cramp he develops in his thigh due to those vicious blue shoes. The shoes are even beginning to hurt Quick Rick. Faking Injury for Sympathy Man's pain moves up to his kidney, so Quick Rick offers to run around the world to get a doctor. He arrives in a split-second but without a doctor. (I guess none of the world's doctors have a solution for kidney pain brought on by blue shoes.)

The next superhero arrives. He's a little late, but he had to cheer up his shoes before he could come. They were very blue. (Nice use of multiple word definitions from Colin.) After Faking Injury for Sympathy Man welcomes Captain Coward, he remembers why he's named Captain Coward and runs to Laura's piano to hide under it. Quick Rick tries to get him to come out, but he doesn't leave the safety of the piano until Quick Rick is back consoling Faking Injury for Sympathy Man who has suddenly gone deaf. Captain Coward crawls out, fanning his damp pants just in time for Show-Stopping Number Boy's arrival. (Perhaps Captain Coward should have been named Incontinence Boy.) Show-stopping Number Boy is shocked by Faking Injury for Sympathy Man's shoe disaster but breaks into a song designed to help the problem. Singing about how the shoes are blue, Show-stopping Number Boy lives up to his name as he stops the show and the other superheroes freeze in place. Once Show-stopping Number Boy is finished, Quick Rick realizes that he has cheered up the blue shoes locally and advises him to go forth and bring joy to others. Show-stopping Number Boy agrees, besides he hears Pippin calling. Captain Coward who has been hiding behind his hand distracts the remaining superheroes and bolts for the door. Faking Injury for Sympathy Man tries to leave in a dignified manner but a groin pull hinders his progress. Quick Rick opens the door for him in the blink of an eye. (Or in Ryan's case, the blink of a confused double take.) Quick Rick turns to the audience and at the sound of the double buzzer magically transports to the Superheroes step without saying a word. (The editors must have inserted an audio of Drew's buzz before Greg's final comment, then included the shot of Drew buzzing creating the effect that Drew buzzed the game twice. By the time we see Greg again, he has already exited to the Superheroes step, so we never hear Greg's exit line for some reason.) Drew comments that the game had two highlights for him. The first was that the audience made fun of Ryan's shoes for him. (The audience has become so accustomed to Drew's teasing Ryan about his shoes that they're joining in now.) The second was that Wayne's superhero power really was a show-stopping number. But since Wayne didn't hold the final note long enough, Drew only gave him 900 points while the rest got 1,000 points.

Multiple Personalities: a car breaks down in the forest in the middle of the night; gas can = Richard Simmons; map = John Wayne; flashlight = Scooby Doo; Ryan, Wayne, and Greg
When Drew read the scene description, all three (especially Greg and Ryan) thought the idea of driving a car through the forest was strange. Greg even uses the scene description as the game's opening line. As Scooby Doo, he wondered, "Why are we driving a car in the forest?" Why would they think that was so odd? Haven't they ever driven a car through a forest at night? I guess not. Richard Simmons (a.k.a. Ryan — to Drew's great amusement) didn't worry about why they were driving in the forest or that they had run out of gas while driving in the forest. Inspired by the gas can, Ryan announces that they don't need to find gas, they can just push the car instead. Curiously, John Wayne walks in. "Howdy pilgrim, it appears that someone's got a flat ... got a flat." I say "curiously" because (1) Wayne didn't really walk into the scene. He never left the main playing area to begin with so presumably he was there all along. (2) Ryan had mentioned the car needing gas while Wayne talked about it having a flat tire. The inconsistency isn't nearly as noticeable as Wayne's bad but funny impersonation of John Wayne though. Wayne's pitch was too high and the speech patterns were timed wrong. The result was a horrible impersonation that had Colin doubling over in the background. Greg asks if Wayne's John Wayne is going to help, and the two switch props. Greg becomes John Wayne and Wayne becomes Scooby Doo. Richard (Ryan) Simmons suggests they look at the map to find out where they should be going. (Wouldn't John Wayne already know where to go if he had walked up to join the other two?) Ryan and Greg switch props, making Greg Richard Simmons and Ryan John Wayne. (Editorial comment: This game is amazingly hard to describe because of all the character switching not to mention the two Waynes.) John (Ryan) Wayne studies the map and announces that it indicates they should go this away, accompanying his words with John Wayne's famous sideways walk. Wayne and Greg switch so that Wayne is Richard Simmons and Greg is Scooby Doo. Now Ryan and Wayne are in the personality they feel most comfortable portraying — Ryan as John Wayne and Wayne as Richard Simmons. Greg who can do all three equally well is left with Scooby Doo. Ryan and Wayne have a naturally strong reluctance to switch personalities, and they stay in this arrangement longer than any other threesome of the game. Scooby (Greg) cowers from Richard (Wayne) Simmons neurosis, whimpering to John (Ryan) Wayne who agrees that he's nervous too. Richard points out that the others are afraid to fill up their inner gas tank but he's here to help them. (Colin has buried his head in his hands by this time.) Ryan and Greg switch. Scooby (Ryan) whimpers again while Richard chants that Scooby is afraid of the dark.

At this point, Ryan is ready to end the game. In this game, the traditional signal that the actors are finished with the scene is for one actor to end up with more than one prop and trying to combine the multiple personalities or emotions the props indicate. If you notice, Ryan reaches for the map (John Wayne) without offering the flashlight (Scooby Doo) in exchange. It's the clue that Ryan wants to stop the scene. But Greg isn't ready to quit and pulls the map out of Ryan's hand. Greg has one more line he wants to deliver as John Wayne: "Will you calm down?" Then Greg follows Ryan's hint and passes the map to him without asking for the flashlight in return. Drew buzzes in while Ryan is trying to combine Scooby Doo's speech with John Wayne's walk. Drew says that he can't offer any points for the game since he couldn't hear anything because Ryan's shoes were too loud — resurrecting the over-used joke. But then he added a new insult that I really liked, "Seriously, it's like you stepped in an airplane toilet." Ryan didn't mind; as long as Drew keeps signing the checks he can say whatever he wants. "Don't I know it," Drew responds to Ryan's amusement. (The whole banter reminded me of the ending of a The Drew Carey Show episode where the cast of that show just tolerated Drew because he handed out the weekly paychecks.) Instead of a check, Drew offers 1,000 points to John Wayne Brady, man of a thousand faces. (Did you hear Ryan repeating John Wayne Brady because he found it amusing?) Wayne protests that he's a big John Wayne fan. Drew points out that Wayne's impersonation was as good as any of Colin's, so what the hell. Which pretty much describes Colin's expression after hearing himself suddenly slammed for a game he wasn't a part of. (Speaking of Colin, did you hear him tell Wayne that he made him laugh, and Wayne saying that he could hear him downstage after Wayne got back to his seat?)

Scenes From A Hat: all four [scenes = times when it would be nice to have the ability to be beamed up, what really made the kids in "Blair Witch" run off screaming, what members of the Whose Line cast say to their therapist, outtakes from the Hillbillies National Theater Shakespeare Festival, how the naked Fridays policy turned out at your office]
Greg must have an inner dislike of insurance salesman because I'm sure I've seen him play an insurance salesman in another Scenes From A Hat scene that involved wanting to escape a situation before this one. Similarly, Wayne must be afraid of waking up beside someone other than his wife based on the number of times he's tried to escape from that situation. I don't blame Wayne for wanting to beam up when it's time for his John Wayne impersonation, though. I'd like to beam up with him. Despite what Wayne suggested, I wouldn't run away from Ryan's blue shoes if I were a Blair Witch kid. But Colin's suggestion — "there's gonna be a crappy sequel!" — would definitely get me running. I loved Ryan's discussion with his therapist. "I mean, I don't get it. It's the color of sky and water." The delivery was perfect — perplexed and plaintive — and the allusion to his shoes was light without being overwhelming. (That sounded like a wine review, didn't it?) Speaking of deliveries, Wayne's breakdown after saying that Drew calls him over to his desk and tells him that he's the winner was a nice job of acting as well. The outtakes from the Hillbillies Shakespeare Festival were funny in both a funny good and a funny bad way. Both of Greg's entries were funny good. The Juliette on the balcony scene was my favorite and the most successful with the audience. I think it worked the best because it involved one of Shakespeare's most familiar scenes and because it invoked one of the most familiar hillbilly myths — marrying a close family member. The Othello scene with Wayne probably wasn't as successful because the play isn't as well known. But I liked it; so did Wayne who looked like he was caught off-guard by it. The other two scenes fell into the funny bad category. Colin's version of Hamlet's soliloquy didn't go over as he planned. I'm not sure why it doesn't work, maybe the delivery or the timing is off. For whatever reason, the bit falls flat. Colin scrunches up his face, reviewing his own performance, and the scene suddenly turns funny. Something about Colin's own negative review always makes me laugh. Wayne offers a reference to "Two Gentlemen From Verona" and is rewarded with complete silence — not even a giggle. "Read a book, people," Wayne asks in desperation, shocking not only the rest of the cast but himself as well. Ryan was the only one who managed to remain completely vertical in the aftermath of Wayne's complaint.

Naked Fridays policy is my favorite scene of the group. Each suggestion was funnier than the last. Wayne generously offered to let his coworkers limbo underneath him. Greg found a long penis lying in the hallway and traced it back to Colin who waved hello. Finally, secretary Ryan announced to Colin via the intercom that his boss would see him now. Whatever Ryan was expecting Colin to say or do, it certainly wasn't what Colin actually said. "Well, take your finger off my [censored] dick." Surprised, Ryan shuts his eyes trying not to laugh, takes a few moments to recover, and then politely carries Colin's penis back to him and drapes it over his shoulder. I would like to know what Ryan had been planning for the scene, but I doubt it would have had the impact of what Colin came up with. Speaking of impact, the exit to the commercial break is one of the most dramatic we've seen on WLiiA. Drew tosses the hat as usual and somehow one of the cameras tips over as a result. Colin and Drew are the only ones of the cast who witness the fall. Drew is caught on camera reacting to it. Colin to Ryan: "Oh. Did you see that? A camera just fell." Ryan and Wayne both look downstage. We never get to see the camera, but we do get to see the camera's view — a rare shot of the ceiling. Someone please tell me why the ceiling would have what looks like a large balloon of a pencil hanging from it? I'm sure that it actually some part of the lighting system. But for the life of me, I swear it looks like a balloon of a pencil.

Interlude: return from commercial break
When the show returns from the commercial break, Drew answers a question that thousand of letter writers have asked. "No, Colin and Ryan are not a couple." Greg turns in his chair and looks towards the two with an eager expression on his face. Meanwhile Colin points to his wedding ring. Ryan joins in moments later.

Greatest Hits: songs of the doctor; Ryan and Colin sell; Wayne sings
Ryan begins the game by telling the viewers they'll be right back to "The Blue Shoes Diaries" in just a moment — nicely substituting the blue shoes running gag in for the real show name, "The Red Shoes Diaries." Colin takes over and starts describing the songs of the doctor only to have Ryan interrupt him and proclaim, "By the way, we're not a couple." Puzzled, Colin quietly wonders, "When did that happen?" But Ryan shushes him, and Colin goes back to introducing the compilation. Ryan's joke seems like a response to Drew's comments made just after the commercial. Except it probably didn't actually happen that way. If you are fortunate enough to attend a WLiiA taping or you read the reports from people who have attended tapings, you know that all of Drew's "welcome back" jokes are recorded together near the very end of the taping after all of the games have been played. So Ryan's comment came first and Drew's joke was written afterwards. Knowing that, I wonder what prompted Ryan to create the joke. Was it in response to another game not yet aired? Or was it something that Ryan just threw in on the spur of the moment? Hopefully, I'll find out someday. (For visual proof of what I'm saying, watch for the Party Quirks cards on the tables. You'll see them during Greatest Hits but not during Drew's joke.)

Moving on, Colin says that music and medicine go together like bread and something that goes with bread. Ryan supplies the missing comparison, "butter!" (I think Colin genuinely blanked out on an appropriate comparison, so points to Ryan for jumping to help out.) Out of the 800 songs on the two CDs, Ryan has a favorite one — a little mambo hit called "This is Gonna Hurt a Little." Wayne's song borders on cutesy because of the strange accent he adopts. For instance, he says "wheedle" for "little" in order to rhyme with "needle". Fortunately the song is short enough that the accent doesn't have a chance to become annoying.

After some disagreement about supporting each other's bad jokes, Colin says that he loves compilations partly for the various artists that you wouldn't normally see on most CDs. In his excitement, Colin trips over his words. Forgetting their earlier disagreement, Ryan asks if he's okay. Colin admits that he needs a doctor and proceeds to give himself a cardiac electroshock. Feeling better, Colin proudly introduces Miss Marilyn Monroe and her great hit, "Gallstones Are a Girl's Best Friend." (Listen for Greg's reaction when Colin mentions Marilyn Monroe's name.) Trying to keep her white dress from flying up while she's singing, "Marilyn" sings about the pain and problems she's experiencing while trying to pass a stone. Wayne's song is funny and full of mixed references. The white dress isn't from the movie Gentlemen Prefer Blondes but the song is. Gallstones aren't passed through the body as Wayne describes; kidney stones are. Even with all that's wrong with the song logically, it's the most enjoyable of the three. Wayne is often at his best when he has to create a song that is beyond the usual styles or subjects, and this is another example of that. Wayne's description of the difficulty in passing a gall stone led a bemused Colin to comment afterwards that he was glad that he didn't go with "The Seven Year Itch" as a title.

Ryan took the introduction for the last song saying that there may be all different styles of music but there is only one rock n roll. His favorite rock n roll era was way, way back in the eighties — an era that the British call "stadium rock". Colin thought they should have a chart, just so that they could show. Since Colin mimed pulling down a chart and then pointed to areas across the chart, I assume he meant show how the British call things versus how Americans call them, but I'm not sure. Regardless of what it's called, Ryan's favorite eighties doctor-related song is "My Gown Has No Back." During the musical introduction, Wayne blow dries his hair and then brushes it out for the typical big hair look of the eighties. As the song progresses, we find out that he's cold in the operating room because his gown has no back. The nursing staff laughs at him, and every time he turns around, he just shows his butt to the doc. Every time Wayne mentions turning around, he twirls and grabs the back of his gown to cover up. He even remembers to grab his gown when he walks back upstage at the song's end earning applause from Greg for the nice touch. I agree; good thinking Wayne.

Sportscasters: rival pizza makers trying to impress a female customer; Ryan and Colin = contestants; Drew and Greg = sportscasters
Sportscasters (a.k.a. Sports Commentators) hasn't been played since the first season in the US version. If this wasn't the first playing since then, it was clearly earliest, since Drew still needed the card in order to describe the game. After Wayne reads the specific scene, Colin and Ryan both begin by rolling out their pizza dough, a process Drew describes as "warming" the dough. After rolling the dough, Ryan starts tossing it only to have Colin reach over and steal it. Ryan retaliates by taking Colin's dough and covering Colin's head with it. (According to Greg, it's the old Naples strategy.) While Ryan is collecting toppings, Colin slices the end of a pepperoni and shoves into Ryan's ear, through his head, and out the other ear. Greg's traditional, "I don't care who you are, that has got to hurt a little bit," is almost drowned out by Drew's chatter. But Drew does catch on to what Greg's saying fast enough that he's able to agree at the end. Next Ryan puts in pizza in the oven followed by Colin's head. Ryan's oven must have a very strange door arrangement. Ryan opens it by pulling door down top to bottom and slides the pizza and Colin in on top of the door. Once Colin's head is inside, Ryan slams the door closed on him several times. In order to close the door, Ryan reaches up above Colin's head and pulls the door down. But Colin's head was originally slid into the oven on top of the door. So how did the door suddenly get above his head? Later on Ryan opens the door again to put another pizza inside and slides the pizza in on top of the door. Like I said, a very strange door arrangement. Of course, Drew and Greg are providing a running commentary while Ryan is feeding Colin to the oven. The tension between the two rivals mounts until Drew is unable to contain himself and cries out, "Ah Chalupas!" at Colin's mistreatment. ("Ah, Chalupas!" will probably go down as Drew's contribution to WLiiA's vocabulary of bizarre swear words.) While Colin is putting out the fire on his head, Ryan is moving forward with his pizza making. He's about to put another pizza in the oven, when Colin reaches over and slices off his hand, tossing it over his shoulder as garbage. Ever the trooper, Ryan still manages to put his pie in oven although Drew rightly wonders how Ryan is able to hold the pizza paddle with one hand missing. After putting the pizza inside, Ryan swings the paddle around and slams it into Colin's face throwing him backwards. Drew is concerned; Colin has a bad back and worries that he should be more careful. Greg comments that the scene reminds him of Napoleon's troops at Borodino; Colin is going down just like they did. Colin makes a comeback though. He pulls Ryan's pants down and begins laughing at the sight. Wayne buzzes in with the game's end. Surprisingly, the game doesn't actually end there. Ryan looks over at Wayne at the buzzer sound, so he certainly knew that the game was supposed to end. However, he takes a pizza cutter anyway and slices Colin from stomach to head. Colin had stopped acting at the buzzer, but kept on when Ryan carried on. Drew's traditional "stay tuned" announcement was made as a voice over for a change. For an early playing perhaps even a first-time playing, I thought Drew did a good job with Sportscasters. Despite the mistake about rolling the pizza dough, Drew has a good feel for what Ryan and Colin are miming. He needs to overcome his nervousness and learn not to overwhelm his partner, but that will come with time, I suspect. I hope he's given time; it would be nice to have another game in Drew's arsenal.

Credits: Greg, Wayne, and Ryan = Scooby Doo, Richard Simmons, and John Wayne
Drew didn't specify who would play which character while reading the credits. He really didn't need to since Ryan and Wayne automatically selected his best impersonation leaving Greg the third. Ryan chose John Wayne; Wayne selected Richard Simmons; Greg took Scooby Doo. With three people doing three different impressions, it was difficult to track who said what or even what was said. The person who really caught my attention was Colin. Someone said something that really amused him, and he started applauding in the background. I'm not sure but I believe what thrilled Colin was Wayne telling Ryan that he looked like Ron West and that it was good that he looked good him. If you want to decide for yourself what amused Colin, I recommend you spend some time watching the credits. But otherwise, they're probably not worth the effort.

Best Game:
A very difficult decision this time; none of the games stand out as particularly bad or good. By a small margin, I'll pick Scenes From A Hat. The biggest laughs came from this game. And everyone helped generate the laughs. So I'll choose that game.

Overall Comments:
A great cast, good suggestions, some new variety in games and game personnel, but not a great episode. Why not? I'm not sure. Everything is in place but the sparkle that makes for a truly memorable episode just isn't there. There's nothing wrong with the episode — at least not that I can point my finger at. The episode just doesn't reach its potential. I would recommend an occasional viewing, but I doubt you'll want to watch this one over and over.

© LKK (05/05/02)