This is an episode addition to Latent Image that my fingers, having a will and mind all their own, became possessed to write.
Dedicated to Delta, whose site has given me countless inspiration, not to mention need for cold showers.
It wasn’t like I thought it would be.
I had always imagined that if Chakotay and I began a relationship, the first time together would be something sensual, something with candles and massages and bathtubs. After living with him on New Earth, I was almost sure of it.
Almost.
And then when it did happen…good god. It was as explosive as I thought it would be, had always dreamed of it being, even more so, but nothing like what I had planned.
Had I been planning anything? Certainly all I was planning was to go to bed after listening to the doctor ramble on and on in the holodeck. Then again, it was that very doctor that sent me to bed. The thought caused a chuckle, that I was actually listening to him. Frankly, I don’t think I was in any condition not to.
And then Chakotay had been in the turbolift.
“Been relieved of duty?” he asked with a smile. “I was just on my way down there.”
“Don’t bother,” I replied, rubbing my eyes. “He ‘dismissed’ me, told me to go to bed. Said he’d be perfectly all right. I’ll have Tuvok go down and check on him later.”
“Then let me walk you to your quarters. I’d hate to have one of the crew find you passed out on the floor.”
“I can make it.” He touched my arm, and my eyes fastened on his.
Maybe it was the fact that I really was tired. Maybe it was everything that had gone on in the past week, trying to deal with the doctor, deleting files and reprogramming around them, and then finally letting him experience the memories that had almost caused his own destruction. With something akin to a sob I collapsed in Chakotay’s arms. My knees buckled, refusing to hold up my weight any longer, and I was grateful for the fact that he was there to catch me, or god knows the doctor might have been summoned back into sickbay whether he wanted to or not. It would’ve beat Tom Paris seeing me in that condition.
“Computer, halt lift,” Chakotay ordered, supporting my weight. “God, Kathryn…are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” I was unwilling to admit just how good it felt, being with him. Being in his arms…it’d been so long. Oh sure we’d touched before (I’m far more tactile than him, though he has his moments), and we’d even hugged now and again, when one of us needed it – after the letters from home we both did. He lowered us both to the floor, my somewhat fall having caught him in an awkward position.
“Are you sure?” he felt my forehead, just as the doctor had done, though his hand slid down to my cheek. “Kathryn – you have a fever.”
“That’s what the doctor said,” I rubbed my eyes again, then buried my face in my hands and burrowed against him as hard as I could, snuggling into his chest, smelling the wool from his uniform, the scent that was his and the scent of his cologne.
“Ohhh…Kathryn…don’t do that,” his voice was a strained whisper. Partly I wanted to be the one disobeying for once, and frankly I was so tired by then that I really didn’t care.
Chakotay pushed me away from him with slight force, enough to be firm, not enough to hurt. “You don’t know what you’re doing,” he told me, chucking my chin. I could see the hurt in his eyes. The fact that he wanted this to be what he wanted it to be, but no matter what someone wants, that doesn’t make it so. “You’re tired, Kathryn. You’re exhausted, and you’re not well.”
“And here I thought you wanted me,” I teased playfully, snaking my hands up to the juncture where his neck met his shoulders. He smiled, but the hurt in those ebony eyes was still there.
Would it ever go away?
I snuggled against him again, not as forcefully this time, and he seemed content to sit and hold me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders, giving them gentle pats and rubs of his own as he tucked my head under his chin. We sat there holding each other, on the floor of a turbolift that probably had people on the other end of it by now wondering what the hell was going on.
And you know what? For the first time in five years, I didn’t give a damn.
“Chakotay,” I tried again, trying somehow to be reasonable, to sort it all through, to give him some logical explaination that he no doubt wanted as to why now, why I had decided to try and make some sort of move to go beyond the friendship and working relationship that we had carefully established. Even after the Borg, when I was convinced that was all that remained between us after that horrendous disagreement.
He silenced me by moving his hand up to my mouth, not covering it, just placing his fingers against it, so I took them into my mouth and nibbled on the edges. My tongue flicked out at the tips, the rough smoothness of the padding there, the callouses. “I thought…just tell me this isn’t a one-time thing,” he whispered. “That you don’t just want to have a fling in the lift. That as soon as the doors open…”
“No.” I shook my head, letting go of his fingers momentarily only to suck one into my mouth fully, rolling circles around it with my tongue and rubbing against the underside.
He stared at me carefully, then lowered his head to my neck swiftly, kissing and suckling in the same manner that I was doing to his finger.
Good god he knows how to aim for where it counts. He could be a marksman in the field of erogenous zones, I don’t know how he knew or if he knew that my neck was probably one of the best ones to aim for, but he sure knew it after that. My back arched as I gasped, stiffening against him, and my toes curled into my boots even though his kisses weren’t all that strong, simple light kisses that nevertheless left me feeling as though I didn’t have a bone in my body.
About the time that I recovered I noticed that he was fumbling with my pants, I could see his own erection straining through his. I rose up to my knees and he did the same, since we were both facing each other our mouths were drawn together by some electromagnetic force. At least that’s the way it felt. At first it was as ginger as his movements, light, even, but the minute I parted my lips and his tongue slipped inside, it was all over.
Somehow through it all he managed to keep from kissing me with force; it was as though he was holding back, probably trying to still figure out if I was really interested in this. I dind’t know how to explain it to him without him doubting me more than I already doubted myself, and I guess I just chose the best course of action – keeping my mouth shut.
Finally he had my pants undone, sliding a hand inside. His thumb pressed against my nubbin that had already swollen the minute I burrowed against him, a finger and then two slipped inside, not deeply but still deep enough that I caught his shoulders and gasped, throwing my head back, stiffening again and this time not from pleasure. He understood.
His thumb worked circles around and around, until I shuddered and at the very moment my stomach muscles tensed, his fingers were embedded inside, stroking, thrusting, reaching, feeling, working their way upwards. I buried my face in his shoulder so that my cries could not be heard. He looped another hand around my back, pressing and rubbing against the small of it, caressing and touching, sliding into my pants to cup my rear end, fingers feeling almost to the crack, then back out. I knew he was savoring the feel of my skin.
“There’s no going back Kathryn,” he panted rather unecessarily in my face, as I, not wanting him to feel left out, reached for the fasteners on his own pants. He was sweating, I was too, and it seemed an eternity of tension was present before I finally opened his pants. Immediately his erection was visible, peeking through the opening in his boxer shorts – peeking was not the right word. Looking maybe. Sightseeing even. I was surprised at how big he was, not that I hadn’t heard tales, but one can’t always believe what they hear.
I grasped him gently, almost as gently as he had me the first time, stroking him from base to tip, feeling the contours that made him who he was, kissing his lips deeply, running my hand over his neck and up to lock in the short hairs on the back of his head. I ran my tongue over his lips, and he shivered, pushing my hand away.
“If you keep that up there’ll be a mess in here,” he groaned, “and I for one don’t feel like explaining it.”
No kidding. Me neither. He worked my pants down to my knees and flipped me over onto all fours with such dexterity that I had to wonder if everyone was suddenly right – maybe I did need to eat more. He handled me as if I was a baby and weighed nothing. But I didn’t mind.
“Of course,” he was soft, running a finger down my lower spine, cupping my rear again, “after this we’ll have to do it somewhere more comfortable…but I want to show you…give you a slight, small window into what you’re going to know from now on.”
How could I object to that? How could any woman object? I stayed still for him, waiting for him to wriggle his own trousers away, which he did with surprising ease. I had to think if he’d ever done this before, in a turbolift, on a starship, certainly he’d had opportunities, before he’d resigned his commission…
“Oh – God…” I bore down and groaned, feeling him press against me. He looped an arm around my waist and held me close, nuzzling my top layers up with his nose, licking and kissing my back. His long, thick fingers found my knot of pleasure again, and flicked at it carefully, leaving me shuddering.
I saw stars when he pushed into me. I won’t deny it, I almost toppled over onto my side, feeling the pressure and sensations as everything stretched and angled and tried to accommodate him, only succeeding in making him more a part of me and me of him. My breathing was coming in heavy gasps by then, and when he started to thrust it was almost liberating for me to buck back against him.
He pushed into me again and again, burying himself to the hilt, then pulling back to the tip, in and out, until something dropped in my stomach and my entire lower half quaked. I have to admit that I’ve never felt it before, not like that, not to the point where I could feel the very core of my muscles clench around what was inside me. I cried out with the intensity of it all, my arms buckling now, refusing like their lower counterparts to support me any more and I laid my sweaty forehead against the carpeting, still gasping.
His stroking became shorter, more of a pumping rhythm that was nevertheless still gentle, it was obvious (at least to me) that he wanted me for who I was, not just for the feelings that I invoked in him. I’d like to think that I had a pretty good idea of what they were, after all this time. The sounds he was making confirmed it. I could hear the muffled moans, the gasps and pants that he emitted through clenched teeth. With my eyes closed, feeling the sparkles behind the lids, my head still swimming, I could hear him, see the expression on his face, imagine the position of his hands, one on my most private place and the other slightly squeezing my rear, more at my hip, grasping and keeping me with him.
That turbolift could have dropped out of the shaft and I would have died happy.
He was getting close, I could tell with the fact that he was squeezing my hip just a bit harder, his other hand becoming more insistent on my folds. I clenched my inner muscles around him without conscious thought, and he lightly pinched my swollen spot, pressing against it and sending me over the edge again, with him this time.
I felt him come. I’d never felt a man come inside me before, not that there had been many, unlike some of the women I knew, especially at the Academy. I felt his stomach muscles clench against my bare bottom, then he tightened, tensed, and with one final gasp and thrust touched me inside deeper than anyone else ever has – even me. He made a sound almost like a whine, a guttural cry that startled me. The warmth surprised me the most, the way it warmed me up from the inside, making me quake even more, giving me aftershocks that I shared with him, crying out and bucking backwards as the fluids spilled from both of us.
“Kath…Kathryn…” he whispered, his voice hoarse, his whole body sweaty and shaking, still inside me. Quickly he leaned and took my shoulders, drawing me backwards into his lap, enfolding me, wrapping me against him. I wasn’t in any condition to say a word, all I could do was turn my head and kiss him, both of us sharing each other one last time.
“God – are you all right?” he asked again. I don’t think I’ve ever heard those words come from him the way they sounded at that moment. However, I was still in no condition to speak.
“Fine,” I got out, after three tries, something that made him smile and then chuckle, wiping the sweat from both our faces with his large hand, which I kissed before hugging him close, around the neck, a warm hug that felt like…like home. Like coming in from the snow and ice to sit by a roaring fire and drink hot chocolate and just love the beauty of a serene night.
He stood first, pushing himself up the wall, fastening his pants and tucking in his shirt – or layers of shirts, I should say, since he wore the T-shirt underneath just like all the men did. Then he grasped me under the arms, lifted me securely, set me on my feet and did the same, fixing the strands of my hair, making sure I was presentable. He gave me one of those dazzling smiles, complete with the dimples. I rewarded him with one as he signaled the lift to start.
Thankfully there weren’t any people on the deck when we got out. I was especially grateful that Tuvok or Vorik were not around, as they would have guessed instantly what we’d been up to. Good grief, screwing in the turbolift like two lovesick cadets, snatching time in between classes.
We made it inside my quarters before I discovered that I couldn’t look at him anymore without wanting to touch him. And touch him I did. Boots, socks (don’t ask me how, I don’t recall bending down), pants, all of our uniforms flung aside and we sat on the couch, totally naked now with each other and oddly not at each other like two people that hadn’t made love in close to five years. Instead, we were still slow about it, learning, exploring, kissing in places that hadn’t felt lips in so, so long, nibbling and biting gently to soothe with more flicks of tongues and lips.
“So,” he said to me, caressing my neck, making me shiver and groan, “shall we try to make it to the bed this time?”
