I have come to the conclusion that film critics know nothing about movies or how to critique them. The fact that you love a movie doesn't make it good, and the fact that you didn't like a movie doesn't make it bad. Take Deep Blue Sea, for example. That's a horrible horrible movie. The CGI isn't that great. The acting sucks. The plot is loose and has more holes than a Whiffle ball. The story is far-fetched, and it ignores the laws of nature. But it's also fun and enjoyable. Meanwhile, there's Seven, starring Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman. I have to say it's a very very good movie. I didn't really find anything wrong with it. The story was tight. The acting was good. I just didn't like it. So, how do I decide if a movie is good? I follow these basic steps:
1. I judge the movie only by the movie's own merits. In other words, I don't care how hard they worked on it, how big a gamble the studio took, or anything like that. All that matters is what's on the screen. If what's on screen isn't any good, it's a bad movie.
1a. In the event that the movie is part of an overall story, e.g. Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, etc., they must have a steady continuity, not only with the story, but also stylistically. For example, if Peter Jackson made The Two Towers as a musical comedy in the style of Bad Taste, it would be bad no matter how good it is on its own, because it doesn't follow a stylistic continuity. If it doesn't follow the continuity of the story or the style, it's a bad movie.
2. I ask myself if, given the same resources, I could make a better movie. If, for any reason, the answer is yes, it's a bad movie.
After I determine the quality of a film, I look for things I can point out as flaws and laugh at them. Then I share that with the rest of the world. Generally, I like to give a synopsis of the film and add my comments wherever they apply. That's why I generally only like to review bad movies. Sometimes, I'll make the mistake of reviewing a good movie (like Attack of the Clones, probably my worst review ever, which I've since removed), and those never seem to work out.
Another thing I like to do is to give a feel for the movie I'm reviewing, to make the reader understand how the movie really was; what it was like to sit there and watch it. I think, to date, the best example of that is Atomic Train. On the other hand, sometimes I'll take notes while watching the movie and realize that the notes themselves are sufficient for a review.
I hope this helps you all in your reviewing endeavors. If you have any reviews you want me to post, let me know.