I Do Not Want This

I Do Not Want This

This has always been a personal favorite of mine, mostly because it was the first song on the album I actually listened and related to. At this point, the old Trent is dead. The new Pig-corrupted Trent is overcome with depression. He realizes that he is stuck in a bad situation, and he does not want to be in it. He yearns for his old self, but he knows there's no way to go back to who he was.

I'm losing ground
You know how this world can beat you down
I'm made of clay
I fear I'm the only one who thinks this way

Trent has realized that he really has not defeated the Pig and that the Pig is destroying him. He feels he has no will, and he thinks he's the only person this has ever happened to, which is a common symptom of depression.

I'm always falling down the same hill
Bamboo puncturing the skin

In realizing that the Pig truly is destroying him, he realizes that he keeps making things worse for himself.

And nothing comes bleeding out of me just like a waterfall I'm drowning in
2 feet below the surface I can still make out your wavy face
And if I could just reach you maybe I could leave this place

He feels like he is drowning in a waterfall of nothingness, which is the same nothingness that flows through him. Again he reaches out to Annie in hopes that she will help him as before. He doesn't want to be in this situation.

I do not want this
I do not want this
I do not want this
I do not want this

Don't you tell me how I feel
Don't you tell me how I feel
Don't you tell me how I feel
You don't know just how I feel

Annie tries to help him by telling him she knows how he feels, and she probably relates one of her personal experiences to him. Trent blows up at her. She has no idea what he's talking about, and he is now angry at her for assuming she does.

I stay inside my bed
I have lived so many lives all in my head
Don't tell me that you care
There really isn't anything now, is there?

Trent can no longer face the outside world. He plays out different scenarios in his mind, trying to see what would have happened if he had never surrendered to the Pig. Annie assures Trent that she loves him, and he responds that she really doesn't. In fact, he claims, there is no longer any love between them.

You would know, wouldn't you?
You extend your hand to those who      suffer
To those who know what it really feels like
To those who've had a taste
Like that means something

Trent begins to vilify her, claiming that she's all talk, that she knows nothing, and that she'll say anything to the men she has corrupted and destroyed, to the men that she given herself to. He goes on to say that their physical relationship really meant nothing because of her (presumed) unfaithfulness.

And oh so sick I am
And maybe I don't have a choice
And maybe this is all I have
And maybe this is just a cry for help

Now Trent changes his mind. Maybe he's the one with the problem. Maybe he's the sick one. Maybe he can't help it, and maybe his vilification of Annie, the only source of strength and support he has in life, is really just a way of crying for help.

I do not want this
I do not want this
I do not want this
I do not want this

Don't you tell me how I feel
Don't you tell me how I feel
Don't you tell me how I feel
You don't know just how I feel

He still doesn't want to be in this situation. He goes back to blaming her. Of course it's not his fault. She's just reading him wrong and assuming he's something he's not.

I want to know everything
I want to be everywhere
I want to fuck everyone in the world
I want to do something that matters

By baring his soul to Annie in the past two songs, Trent realizes that he's lost his position of power. He has returned to being weak, and he decides to change that by once again grasping for power. Only this time, he does it in a different way.