College Quotes IV

Obviously, this is a continuation of my College Quotes III page. That page was getting sort of long, so the new college quotes are here. Again, this page is never meant to be disparaging.

The "you just had to be there" concept may apply to these. (The fun part is trying to imagine under what circumstances some of the weirder ones might have been said!) Sorry about the quotes that aren't credited. I don't know the names of some people.

15th grade:

• "Show some respect for the tissue box." --random guy in Steph's school, 5-21-02
• "I wish Garfield osmosis really worked. I'd just rub my Chem book on my head all day..." --Jane V., 5-21-02
• "All I know is that it's really hard to pop their eyes out...'cause you have to reach in through their mouths and poke them out. We were like, 'Push, push, push!' and they wouldn't come out!" --Susan L., 5-22-02 (on frog dissection)
• "How unfortunate! I want him to move to Poland! He can live with me, we can buy a cat, I will learn to cook, it will be so wonderful. I need to convince him!" --Kinga B., 5-31-02
• "There was a lady in front of me yesterday who was definitely a granola-crunching type who had never gotten out of the 60's." --Dr. Walden, 6-3-02
• "But last week, I've just been sitting at home and pretending that I study." --Kinga B., 6-5-02 (Me, too!)
• "Hmm, we in Poland birth babies. We also have babies, but it doesn't mean we birth them. It means we just have them; someone else might have birthed them. Yeah, this conversation has gone in some weird direction." --Kinga B., 6-5-02
• "Anyway, from now on, I am black too. So I used to be Latino, but I got bored with it, now I will be black. I think I will start on Monday." --Kinga B., 6-7-02
• "Ooh, that's what I should do! Drive!" --Jennifer W., 6-8-02 (while working on her 3rd beer)
• "They all know each other; they have eggs...it's weird." --Steve H., 6-8-02
• "Those are really a sad bunch of blinds, aren't they?" --Dr. Walden, 6-11-02
• "Under the bridge of 288 were two people having sex. On a box. Yes, homeless people do have sex. In public, apparently." --Dr. Walden, 6-11-02
• "I remember one time, it was at...what's that God-awful kids' store? Toys 'R' Us? Isn't that the most horrible place?!" --Dr. Walden, 6-12-02
• "Listen, guys, we made this group feel really yucky, and now we're going to make you feel yucky, too!" --Ms. Bachman, 6-13-02
• "So there you go. Shaping behavior by playing God." --Dr. Walden, 6-17-02
• "Don't believe it. Don't believe anything they say. Don't believe anything I say. Don't believe anything. Do your own research and make your own decision. Don't believe your professors. They're all biased." --Ms. Bachman, 6-18-02
• "You can go pick up a non-ringing phone anytime you want to, and there will probably not be anyone on there. And it doesn't get reinforced. How often do you go pick up the phone when it's not ringing?" --Dr. Walden, 6-18-02
• "It's not just 'pull it out of your anal databank'...it's subjective." --Dr. Walden, 6-19-02
• "I love you, darling! KRRKXX!! You're not leaving me, even if I have to kill you." --Dr. Walden, 6-20-02
• "I told you, my brain tickles!" --Susan L., 6-22-02
• "My parents hate that I watch TV and play games; all they want me to do is read. Read, drink Juicy Juice, and socialize." --Brad S., 6-22-02 (Well, my parents want me to sleep.)
• "Wait, do you want it to be flaming, or do you want it to be flaming and have it explode?" --Tikku S., 6-25-02
• "Find out about those boogers who raised you. It'll help." --Dr. Walden, 6-26-02
• "Feed me. Feed me. I'm hungry. Give me food." --Dr. Walden, 6-27-02
• "If you have a college degree, they're going to assume you know a lot of stuff." --Ms. Bachman, 7-1-02 (So that's why I'm here...)
• "Grrr, I got hit on by silly Mexican-American custom officials trying to seize my wine." --Alice C., 7-3-02
• "Having those hippie fantasies again?" --Susan L., 7-3-02 (Actually a quote from The Simpsons, but I didn't know it when she said it.)
• "I wanted that one that said 'Time. Mine.' It lulls me into a false sense of security." --Susan L., 7-12-02
• "It's been fun...a lot of work, but fun. It would be even funner if my cells are more obedient, but they are yeasts...so I don't really know how to train them." --Judy T., 7-16-02
• "Britney Spears...I've seen more of her abdomen than I've seen of mine." --Ms. Smith, 7-17-02
• "About 5 more minutes of torture. I just want you to know that I'm enjoying it." --Dr. Walden, 7-17-02
• "If you choose to be on the blanket, go be on the blanket! But you have to choose to be there. Don't let anyone put you on the blanket." --Ms. Smith, 7-25-02
• "From where do you prefer to bleed?" --Helen L., 7-26-02
• "I've never really been in a clique, and I've never really been in a gang...so I can't really say." --Ms. Smith, 7-29-02
• "If you have a magazine, and an assassin wants to advertise, DON'T." --Prof. Barkley, 7-29-02
• "That was the news...riots and Vietnam. So...that was where I got my love of sitcoms...it was a little more peaceful." --Prof. Barkley, 7-29-02
• "My goal by the end of this class is to be able to wear real shoes." --Dr. Walden, 7-31-02 (Because teaching has somehow lost its thrill?)
• "We call that 'deprivation.' It's another word for 'starving.'" --Dr. Walden, 7-31-02
• "This is not going to be a hard test; this is going to be a fun fun fun fun test!" --Prof. Barkley, 8-1-02
• "Any questions about sexual harassment? Now that you know how to do it, okay!" --Ms. Smith, 8-5-02
• "Don't be puttin' down vacuum tubes, okay?" --Dr. Walden, 8-6-02
• "And detergent. That's yummy, too. Joy Dish Detergent, especially. But really, I've always preferred Palmolive." --Susan L., 8-13-02 (So that's why we run out of detergent so quickly...)
• "You didn't have to listen to me babble incessantly!" --Dr. Musburger, 8-30-02
• "Yes sir. Do you have a question, or are you just waving at me? You're waving at me. And you. Do you have a question? No, you're just stretching." --Dr. Musburger, 8-30-02
• "I do not really like to give out F's unless you work hard to earn them." --Dr. Musburger, 8-30-02
• "Oooh! A message! 'Software Update.' Let me see what this is about. No! Quit that! I don't want you. Thank you." --Dr. Musburger, 9-11-02
• "If someone brought SDTV to your house, you'd think it was the best thing since burnt toast." --Dr. Musburger, 9-16-02
• "Which is why everyone's favorite medicine is benzodiazepines! Yummy, yummy!" --Dr. Babcock, 9-19-02
• "I got the greatest pencil today!!!" --Helen L., 9-19-02 (It was a really, really great pencil.)
• "You know your life is going crazy when you're headbanging to Mariah Carey." --Susan L., 9-27-02 (In reference to me...headbanging to Mariah Carey...)
• "I like zipping things up. I do." --Susan L., 9-28-02
• "And he published it as a case study in implanting false memories...which is unethical...unless you're an undergrad and you perform it on your younger brothers and sisters." --Dr. Babcock, 10-1-02 (Watch out, little sister!)
• "Remember the good ol' days, when a blister could kill you?" --Dr. Babcock, 10-1-02
• "Karleen! You've changed!" --Watson R., 10-3-02 (to Kent, who was sitting in Karleen's chair)
• "Sometimes childhood friends are boring. It's not their fault." --Susan L., 10-5-02
• "Oh, we look up to our husbands?! I must have missed that...." --Dr. Babcock, 10-8-02
• "How depressing is that? Those are the three food groups! Cheese, red wine, and beer!" --Dr. Babcock, 10-8-02
• "I would market dirt in a capsule and say that it relieves depression symptoms and fibromyalgia." --Dr. Babcock, 10-8-02
• "Sound is noise. Like we're hearing the overhead projector right now...that's a nice noise." --Dr. Hawes, 10-16-02
• "You can never tell what these things are these days. There's apple juice...and then, there's apple juice." --Dr. Hawes, 10-16-02 (after being offered a beverage from a cooler someone left in the classroom)
• "It sorta makes your Cream of Wheat taste like jambalaya." --Dr. Babcock, 10-17-02 (on why someone might ruminate)
• "These have more air pockets...and I like air pockets." --Susan L., 10-19-02
• "Whether someone needed two copies or a thousand, it could be done with the push of a button. And then, everyone started chopping trees down as fast as they could." --Dr. Musburger, 10-21-02 (on Xerox machines)
• "The poor boss is sitting alone in the office with no one to yell at because everyone is working from home." --Dr. Musburger, 10-21-02 (on telecommuting)
• "If you're going to be a media student, you have to know that you're going to be messing with people's minds." --Dr. Musburger, 10-23-02 (and people ask why I'm a psych/comm double major...)
• "In education, you're not supposed to download that stuff on your computer. Unless you're doing serious research...which of course I am." --Dr. Hawes, 10-30-02 (on Internet porn)
• "And there were the cats, right on the balcony. I felt as though I could just reach out and touch them. I wanted to...I could've pushed them off the balcony, I suppose." --Dr. Hawes, 10-30-02
• "You always see those disclaimers at the end of a film: No animals were actually hurt in this movie. But people...we slaughter them a LOT. We seem to enjoy it. It must say something about our culture." --Dr. Hawes, 10-30-02
• "There's, like, this hair-molester who works with me. And my school-magazine-boss, she's an elbow-molester. Why does everyone want to touch me?!" --Helen L., 11-3-02
• "What do you think they're doing down the street, besides digging up the street for the fun of it?" --Dr. Musburger, 11-8-02 (Houstonians really know how to have fun!)
• "I'd rather just lay on the ground than do my work." --Brad S., 11-9-02 (So inspirational...)
• "I've taught at two other universities--one in the middle of a prairie, the other in the middle of a swamp." --Dr. Musburger, 11-11-02 (Now he teaches at one in the middle of construction...)
• "He looked at me like I was a side dish he didn't order." --Dr. Agan, 11-13-02
• "It's so hip it almost leaps off the stage." --Dr. Musburger, 11-18-02 (on the fledgling South Asian Style magazine, which he found quite titillating)
• "Psychologists are very bad at predicting behavior. We're terrible at it; we can't do it at all." --Ms. Mikalsen, 11-21-02 (Oh, goody.)
• "Hungry Man! I'm a hungry man!" --Susan L., 11-22-02
• "I am hating MSN 8 with a vengeance!! Die, you quadrilateral!" --Helen L., 11-25-02
• "It's exhausting to have to pretend that I'm alive." --Helen L., 11-27-02
• "Keys, hey! I have keys! I have keys!" --Silas A., 11-29-02
• "There will be no throbbing birds!" --Prof. Hite, 12-3-02
• "Stop squeezing my raccoon!" --Jim P., 12-16-02
• "Hey...do I...belong...to the...Sierra Club??!" --Helen L., 12-19-02
• "Helen, do you want to be a guy with me?" --Christine L., 12-29-02
• "Margarine! Smells! Good!" --Susan L., 1-7-03
• "Are you putting on makeup or doing drugs?" --Helen L., 1-12-03
• "Wow. It's changing colors. Like mold." --Dr. Applebaum, 1-14-03
• "It's got cars, and bouncing, and physics!" --Prof. Hite, 1-14-03
• "Skin is a wonderful thing!" --Dr. Haun, 1-16-03
• "I want to go into the future...to see who the valedictorian is." --Susan L., 1-20-03 (Biggest waste of time travel ever.)
• "Who has a bomb??" --Dr. Haun, 1-21-03
• "It's time for the F-word, the one-syllable F-word. Freud." --Dr. Applebaum, 1-21-03
• "Now I want you to know the power of lists. You know the power of cheese? Well, this is the power of lists." --Prof. Hite, 1-30-03
• "Does anybody here meditate? No? Nobody here watches TV; nobody meditates...jeez, people!" --Dr. Applebaum, 2-4-03
• "There are absolutely no pesticides in the symphony." --Dr. Applebaum, 2-4-03 (Because it's organic...)
• "I'm going to get diabetes from this party." --Amy T., 2-7-03
• "Our society is used to listening to wallpaper." --Dr. Applebaum, 2-11-03 (on background music)
• "Every time I play this CD, it's always the same. Never changes." --Dr. Applebaum, 2-11-03 (I should hope not...)
• "I'm a big trash-producer." --Audri V., 2-12-03
• "He likes it when I do his manly-man voice." --Dr. Scovill, 2-20-03
• "Now I'm kind of nervous because I was actually productive, and I managed to save it all on my disk...so I'm probably going to die on the way home. It's freezing over and the bridges will all be ice. So...it was nice knowing you all." --Martin N., 2-20-03
• "Today I held a soft stuffed moose in my arms!" --Helen L., 2-23-03
• "As long as you take the ACT and it appears that you are, in fact, still breathing, you'll be accepted at UH." --Dr. Scovill, 2-25-03
• "I've never loved a gynecologist like I love this woman!" --Dr. Scovill, 2-27-03
• "It's almost like giving someone the finger. You know when people get annoying, you get all professorial? It's like, 'Assume the Harvard pose!'" --Dr. Scovill, 2-27-03
• "Why aren't we dancing?" --Mme. Billington, 3-1-03 (in an accusatory tone)
• "The next time I need to get my teachers to do something for me, I'll use the word 'kill.' And I'll tell them my sister told me it was a good word for persuasion." --Susan L., 3-4-03
• "We sang the song; we did The Paw...it was cool." --Dr. Scovill, 3-11-03
• "The commercials were never long enough for me to get any real work done." --Dr. Applebaum, 3-11-03
• "I took a course on reading mandalas. I'm a dangerous person." --Dr. Applebaum, 3-11-03
• "A while back, there was a song on mirrors. Well, it was actually a song about cars. But it had a part about mirrors." --Dr. Haun, 3-13-03
• "I am having such a good hair moment! Ahhhhhh!" --Helen L., 3-13-03
• "In my next life, I'm going to have perfect skin and endlessly dark hair." --Dr. Scovill, 3-13-03
• "I'm hearing funny noises today!" --Dr. Scovill, 3-13-03
• "Science fiction is ruining all the good men in this world!" --Helen L., 3-13-03
• "I don't care if it's reverse physics day in your world; it's not reverse physics day in mine." --Susan L., 3-15-03
• "Somebo-dy has a miter box saw~!" --Susan L., 3-21-03 (in a singsong voice as we drove by a man's house)
• "Never fear, I shall always remain your big sis, even though the incest has ended." --Elizabeth S., 3-23-03 (Bad statement to take out of context)
• "Window-crackers, get cracking!" --Dr. Applebaum, 3-25-03
• "Do you realize that we haven't had cannibalism in Houston for three or four years now?" --Dr. Applebaum, 3-25-03
• "Sanity is not one of this class' problems." --Vernon ?, 3-25-03
• "I'm being consumed by mind machines!" --Dr. Scovill, 3-27-03
• "I cry less when my rats die than when my people die." --Dr. Scovill, 3-27-03
• "It's hard to find people to talk with about books 'cause they all have weird tastes. And they're the wrong tastes!" --John G., 3-29-03
• "I thought everyone ate spinach! It's our Popeye-given right!" --Helen L., 3-30-03
• "Save it, save it, save it! Save the rainforest!" --Tim P., 4-5-03 (after dropping some packs of Yu-Gi-Oh! cards)
• "Watch out before they lay the Honors smackdown on youuuu." --Helen L., 4-8-03
• "I always read that backwards. It says 'biopsychologist' here, but I keep wanting to say 'psycho biologist,' which is quite a different creature." --Dr. Scovill, 4-10-03
• "YES! Psychoneuroimmunology exists!" --Helen L., 4-12-03 (It was an answer I guessed on the Psych GRE.)
• "I think I'll look out the window now. Real life is too weird for me." --Susan L., 4-12-03
• "Statistics has taught me things my therapist never could." --Dr. Scovill, 4-15-03
• "He was like some kind of premature SARS." --Dr. Applebaum, 4-15-03
• "We psychologists are a touchy-feely group of people. Not in an inappropriate sense." --Dr. Agan, 4-17-03
• "My laptop keeps leaking little black screws." --Helen L., 4-20-03
• "Hey! Wanna go buy some stamps?!" --Helen's mom, 4-21-03 (her idea of a good time)
• "Analysis of variance is just t-tests on speed." --Dr. Scovill, 4-22-03
• "There's a doctor I saw...you can go see him. He specializes in ears. I could tell because there are lots of drawings of ears on his wall." --Helen's dad, 5-3-03 (I guess that makes me a specialist in food?)

• Go on to College Quotes V!