PLAYER: Pat Conlon POSITION: Defense NUMBER: 17 HEIGHT: 6'0" WEIGHT: Too fat to weigh CAREER HIGHLIGHT: eating 2 dozen donuts before a game. Pat Conlon is the founder, general manager, captain, coach and any other title he can put his hands on for the Ostriches. Pats career started in the Belmont Handicapped League. After scoring 2 points and carrying a -238 rating after 78 career games, Conlon ventured to find a league he could achieve stardom in. After being cut from the roller hockey special Olympics team, perkins school for the blind jv team, acton under 8 girls roller hockey team and stoneham zoos apes on skates squad, Conlon ventured to Newton. This is where his career blossomed. He went on a world wide recruiting tour and actually found two players in the free world worse than he was and signed them to a contract. He quickly gained attention from the media. In fact one member of the The Roller Hockey News described Conlon as " a player with a lot of heart, but if man could see him on roller blades, he would've regretted ever inventing the wheel". After realizing his skating wasn't up to par, Conlon decided to go to the Steve Tobio school of hands for hockey players who freaking suck and will never be as good as me, but at least I can make money off their sorry asses and make them look stupid all day to work on his stickhandling. Conlon was quickly discouraged after he overheard Tobio having an argument. The argument was that he bet another counselor the number of fingers Conlon had combined on both hands. The over/under was set at 2....and 93% of the campers buried the under. When they made him remove his gloves, they all laughed at him hysterically, he broke down in tears and decided a move to defense would be beneficiary. This is where Conlon gained all world recognition. He excelled at breaking up one on ones, two on ones, three on ones and the occasional four on one....and god knows there were plenty of them. While his offensive skills, aggressiveness and awareness make Hal Gill look like Bobby Orr, his stay at home style has brought gatherings of fans to the rink. In 2003, the Lawyer Milloy fan club traveled to Newton. They were a bit disappointed to find out it wasn't Lawyer playing free safety, it was Pat....but they still had a good time. Despite finishing in the top 50 for the Newton Norris Trophy three years in a row, Conlon has never won the award. However he has brought home the hardware for executive of the year two years in a row. Look for good things to come from Conlon in the future as he is still a young player in this league. Conlon finest moment... Getting smashed from behind face first into the boards by that fat bastard on the chiefs and liking it, cause the guy had a boner. Pat likes... Driving the lawnmower, fat chicks with kids who go to "Online University", beer, man juice flavored slurpies, Paul Samuels ass, muppet babies,the hookah song, Tiki House. |