Blonde Jokes Page 3
Q. How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A. I'll tell you tomorrow.
Q. Why don't blondes make Koolaid?
A. They can't get all the water into that little packet.
Q. Why don't blondes eat M&Ms?
A. They're too hard to peel.
Q. How can you tell if a blonde's been making chocolate chip cookies?
A. There's M&M shells all over the kitchen.
Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. You give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.
Q. Why does it work?
A. "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"
Q. What's a blonde's job at an M&M factory?
A. Proofreading.
Q. Why did she get fired?
A. For throwing out the Ws.
Q. What's a blondes favorite rock group?
A. Air Supply.
Q. Why is it so easy for blondes to find a pair of shoes that fits?
A. Because their shoe size is the same as their IQ.
Q. How do you change a blonde's mind?
A. Blow in her ear.
Q. How do you measure a blonde's IQ?
A. Stick a tire pressure guage in her ear.
Q. How do you steal a blonde's window seat on a plane going to London?
A. Tell her only the middle seats are going to London.
Q. How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A. Write "Please turn over" on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q. Why don't you take blondes out for coffee?
A. It takes too long to retrain them.
Q. How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?
A. Tell them a joke on Monday.
Q. What is a blonde doing when she's got her hands over her ears and is concentrating really hard?
A. Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q. Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice container for 2 hours?
A. It said "concentrate".
Q. What do you call a blonde surrounded by drooling idiots?
A. Flattered.
Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. You don't; they're born that way.
Q. What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a swimming pool?
A. Air pockets.
Q. What's brown, red, black, and blue?
A. A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.
Q. Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A. To keep the freezer cold.
Q. How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A. She fell out of the tree.
Q. How many blondes does it take to play hide and seek?
A. One.
Q. Why couldn't the blonde write the number 11?
A. She couldn't figure out which one came first.
Q. How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on her.
Q. Why don't blondes make Jello?
A. They can't figure out how to get 2 cups of water into that little box.
Q. Why do blondes have more fun?
A. They don't know any better.
Q. What's a blonde's favorite wine?
A. "Daaady! I want to go to Miaaaami!"
Q. What do you call a group of blondes in a basement?
A. A wine cellar.
Q. What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A. A wind tunnel.
Q. What do you all 15 blondes in a circle?
A. A dope ring.
Q. What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q. What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers?
A. Her IQ goes up.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and bigfoot?
A. Bigfoot's been sighted.
Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A. Put a mirror at the bottom of a swimming pool.
Q. Why did the blonde have square boobs?
A. She didn't take the tissues out of the box.
Q. How many blondes does it take to make cookies?
A. 10. 1 to make the dough and 9 to peel the M&Ms.
Q. What do you get when you give a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A. Change.
Q. What is the cross between a blonde and a gorilla?
A. Who knows? There's only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.
Q. Why did the blonde keep her baby in the same diaper for a month?
A. On the package it said 'good for up to 20 pounds.'
Q. How does a blonde do a high 5?
A. Smacks herself in the forehead.
Q. Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A. They can't find the 11 button when dialing 911.
Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A. Frosted flakes.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde with P.M.S. and a terrorist?
A. You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Q. What do you call a fly buzzing around in a blonde's head?
A. A space invader.
Q. Why do blondes drive VWs?
A. They can't spell porsche.
Q. Why were blondes created?
A. Sheep can't get drinks.
Q2. Why were brunettes created?
A2. Neither could blondes.
Q. What do you call a blonde in a tree holding a briefcase?
A. A branch manager.
Q. Why do blondes use a see through lunchbox?
A. So they know if it's morning or afternoon.
Q. What is a black fuzzy thing hanging from a ceiling?
A. A blonde electrician.
Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So brunettes can understand them.
A2. Because blondes are so shallow a long one wouldn't fit.
A3. Because that's the only way men can understand them.
Q. What do you call a smart blonde?
A. A golden retriever.
Q. Why are blondes so hurt by words?
A. People keep throwing dictionaries at them.
Q. Why do blondes have periods?
A. They deserve them.
Q. What did the blonde do when she started her period.
A. Looked around for whoever shot her.
Q. What happened when the blonde got locked in the car?
A. Her blonde boyfriend had to use a clothes hanger to get her out.
Q. Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?
A. Because she read that one child out of every four born was Chinese.
A cop saw a blonde down on her knees under a streetlight. "Can I help you?" he asked.
"I dropped my diamond ring and I'm looking for it." replied the blonde.
"Did you drop it right here?" asked the cop.
"No," she responded, "I dropped it about a block away, but the light's better here."
A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If
you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it."
Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about
forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She
explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with Wal-Mart, now you can follow me over to
K-Mart."
Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A
Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd
like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.
"Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden.
"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our
lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river." The Game Warden lifted up all the
lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line.
"Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And
with that, the Game Warden left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically.
"What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there
are steelhead in this river?!"
A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had
250,000 miles on it.
One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon.
The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."
"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop.
Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should
not be a problem to sell your car anymore."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.
About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"
"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."
Q. How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A. She gets the pop tart out of the toaster in one piece.
Q. What's the true definition of a blonde?
A. A redhead wth the fire of passion missing.
"What's the date today?" asks a blonde.
"I don't know. You've got a newspaper in your hands -- why don't you look at it?"
"That wouldn't do any good, it's yesterday's paper."
Q. Why was the blonde 2 hours late getting home?
A. The escalator got stuck.
Q. What happened when the blonde got locked in a grocery store?
A. She starved to death.
Q. Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
A. She wanted to make up her mind.
She was so blonde...
-she told me to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't walk."
-she tripped over a cordless phone.
-they had to burn down the school to get her out of the 2nd grade.
-she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
-she thought a quarterback was a refund.
-she sat on the T.V. to watch the couch.
-she tried to put some M&Ms into alphabetical order.
-she thought Boyz II Men was some daycare center.
-she put "Gemini" at the bottom of the application that said "sign here."
-if she tried to speak her mind, she'd be speechless.
-it takes her a couple hours just to watch 60 minutes.
-she studied for a blood test and failed.
Just the other day, blonde named Sheena had a near death experience. She
went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started
bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown
off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the
stirrup. When this happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head
continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as
she was giving up and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened
to walk by and unplug it.
Q. Did you hear about the blonde that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
A. She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungee cord.
Q. How do blondes spell farm?
A. E-I-E-I-O
Q. How does a blonde car pool work?
A. They all meet at work at 7:45.
Q. What did the blonde do when she noticed someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A. She turned it over and used the other side.
Q. What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?
A. She said they were pretty good, but they might offened some Puerto Ricans.
A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redheaded woman in the Breast
Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman
finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee she remarked, "I don't want to
complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."
A professor had this lie detecting chair. Whenever anybody sitting on it would tell a lie, the chair would open up and the person
would fall flat on the ground. So in his experimentation a young brunette came in and sat down. The professor asked her to tell
about herself. She began, "I think I'm the most beautiful girl in this region, and perhaps even in the whole world!", immediately
after saying that the chair opened up and she landed flat on her butt. She stormed out, at which time a young blonde was invited
in to sit. She sat down and was invited to tell about herself. She began, "I think...", and suddenly the chair opened up and she
fell flat on her butt!
Q. What did the blonde put under "education" on her job application?
A. Hooked on Phonics.
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Email: starlight_999@hotmail.com
