Quotes / / Poetry / / Spoken Word / / Song Lyrics 1 / / Song Lyrics 2
Come in and Burn / / Electro Convulsive Therapy / / Hard Volume / / Hot Animal Machine / / Lifetime
SHAME
I wonder if you can see
I wonder if you can tell
I wonder if you see through the mask I wear so well
I'll never let you know what's going on inside me
My shame locks me down
All the things I wanted tell you
Are all the things I never will
Every time you reached out to me
All I did was push you away
I can't unchain the beast that screams inside me
I hate it, it's what I am
It makes me sick to be so mean
What I've been and what I've seen
From top to bottom, I am obscene
It stands in my place
It spits in my face
Shame
You smile I smile back
You ask me how I am I say I'm fine
I don't know why I'm so torn up inside my mind
The darkness swallows me whole
Don't go too deep, don't ask me why
Don't try to know me, don't make me lie
I wish I didn't know the things I know so well
I try to change but it's what I am
THURSDAY AFTERNOON
Please let me see the faults my ego denies me
Don't let me grow so tall
I forget the ground beneath me
Don't let me forget
that satisfaction has no friends
That glory's only fleeting - already gone
I've wasted so much time
I'm trying to get it straight in my mind
Don't let me think it's love
when it's only just obsession
I've spent so many nights punching that wall
Show me the difference between decision
and denial
I want to know why I ask why
Let me see my confusion for exactly what it is
Don't let me make my rage a tool of regret
Allow me to sidestep my frustration and hostility
And the violence that comes to me so easily,
too easily
DURING A CITY
I try not to let it get above me
Don't make me
Don't hurt me
Don't push me
Don't confront me
I try to separate real from unreal
Don't make me have to open my eyes
Don't make me have to feel
Crime lights burning like a halo
Sidewalk under my feet
Passing trains below
I keep walking with nothing in my head
Where am I going?
Some nights I walk mile after mile after mile
I need you I need you I want to smile at your smile
Are you out there somewhere looking,
waiting for me?
I'm falling fast falling, falling broken
Reach out and catch me
The city's in my blood like a curse
And the people and the noise make it worse
I can't tell you why there's no place I'd rather be
Where am I going?
Dirty grey city dropping rain down in my dreams
No one knows me
So when you see me
Just walk on by
I'm caving in and I don't know why
There's got to be more than this but I just can't find it
I'm wandering in a city
Unknown to myself
A stranger to everyone I meet
I'm wasted on insomnia
Paranoid to the hilt
Where am I going?
REJECTION
I had it wrong for so long in my head
I was walking around like I was dead
All the time my mind was stuck on you
I crawled while you stalled
I was a fool to think we were involved
I guess I needed to believe it so bad
Rejection never felt so good
All the things unclear are now
so well understood
At first I didn't see it as kind
But you did me a favor
when you left me behind
You might not believe it but it's true
It's all the things you never said that told me
all about you
It's things you try to conceal that get revealed
I had to get it wrong before I got it right
I'm not the kind of argue,
I'm not the kind to fight
By the time I got to the truth
I had reached the end
Now I see how you are
Now I see how it is
Now I see what you do
I watch them line up
I watch them fall down
One after one
I see your smile grow and grow
I think to myself
It could've been me
Now I'm alone and I'm burning
I'm hurting like hell but I'm learning
The scars will take me far like they always do
Somehow I'm alright I do believe that I'm alright
DISAPPEARING ACT
I'm distracted not attracted
You attach without connection
As I self serve my diffracted mind
I don't want what I need
I don't care about the scars I leave
Your name and smile a thrown out file
As soon as we break away
Only when I hate you do I really love myself
I will only let you down
I can only fail you
you won't want me then I'll want you
When you come back I won't want you
Pushed and pulled our minds will rip in two
I'm so scared of what I need I don't care
about the scars received
I live in self denial
I'm afraid of what I've got
I don't know why I hate you when you love me
My life's the lies of you and I
I've grown so hard that I deny accusations even
when they're true
My pain is all I trust I don't care
how much I bleed
Don't regret the time you met me
Don't hold the harm I did against me
I don't know why I want to hurt you
when you touch me
Why do you stick around and let me do this?
Why do you stick around for this torture?
Only when I'm with you do I want to be without
Your eyes are the windows
to the emptiness inside me
HARD
It's hard to get high
And it's hard to get thru
It's hard to hear me
When I'm talking to you
You see these hard eyes
You know what I mean
These eyes got hard
After what they've seen
I'm that hard man
So good to find
I'm that hard man
With an iron mind
I got hard
I stayed hard
Can't keep me down
Because I'm hard
I keep moving because I'm hard
I keep burning because I'm hard
I'm going over
Not getting by
Hard sense makes sense
Real pain is what I reach
The real this is what I keep
I am because I'm hard
I will because I'm hard
WHAT HAVE I GOT
I've got a wantless need
I've got a thoughtless mind
I've got a needless want
I can't unwind
I've got a heart that aches
I've got hands that like to break
They tell me to hold on
They never let me go
I am a clenched fist
Looking for a wall to kiss
I am a looked door looking
For a foot to kick me to the floor
What have I got I've got everything
What have I got nothing much at all
Self rejected well protected
Too looked up inside myself to over get free
Frustrated self hatred my hands turn to fists
Violence so hard to resist
I get so mad
I do things that I regret
So stupid but not stupid enough
To ever forget
Got no name got no brain
It's alright I feel no pain
I've got music pounding in my head
Stop looking start looking
You better look out
I'm not feeling too nice today
Can't be late can't relate
Don't take my time
Don't give me your hate
I've got enough of my own
I can't stop
I can't start
It holds me together
While it tears me apart
OBSCENE
I'm so confused
Can't find the line
Between what I use and abuse
So unreal
How I lie and try to deny
The things that I feel
I'll love you and hate you both at the same time
Heal you and hurt and laugh as you cry
Why I don't know
Right at you right in you
Right thru you right past you I go
Can't you see
First it's him then it's her
Then it's us then it's you
Then it's me
Misery, depression, elation all mine
Refine confinement all my design
You and me
Pathetic we cling
We think that we're free
Ugly
You and me
You see, you see the real me
So obscene
Flapping wildly
You see what I mean
Keep away
Can't see why you do what you do
And say what you say
DOWN AND AWAY
Well I close my eyes and I look inside
Well I realize I'm a bad case
Well I'm at the last place that I wanna be
I open my eyes and I wanna get away
Push me, Pull me, ... ... ... and I wanna run, I wanna hide
And I can't get away, I can't get away
And I can't get in, I can't get out
I can't get to myself, so I can't get to you
And I can't get close when I get close to you
And I can't get through myself so I can't get to you
There's an ego followin' the way I feel
The closer I get, the farther away I feel
I can't get in and I can't get out
Why don't you touch me so I can feel it
I want you to touch me so I can feel it
I'm dead as I look to your eyes
I'm a prisoner trapped in life
I am the loser in the game I play
I am the garbage that I throw away
I'm alone in the place I stay
And I can't understand why I can't get in and I can't get out
The closer I get the farther away you feel
The closer you get the farther away I feel
The closer I get the farther away you feel
The closer you get the farther away I feel
I can't get close, I can't get close, I can't, I can't get it
I can't get close to you
I've got thrown in a hole
Down and away, down, down, down, down and away
HOT ANIMAL MACHINE II
I ran outside in the colored lights
I saw a scene of freaks dancin' in the streets
Like monkeys swinging from light bulbs
Couldn't find the right words
Couldn't find the wrong words
I just wanted to kick
They looked at me like they never seen something like that in their lives
I wanted to shove it right down their slimy throats
I went right back to my cell and freaked out by myself
And don't you know it feels good to know without a doubt to know
I am what I am all about
Back in my jungle, back in my cell
Ready like a convict man springing to the alien combat life
A man in front of the barrel of a gun
Instructions: remain calm
My dreams they all die
Annihilation, discrimination, incineration
In my dreams they all die
I'm exterminating from the inside
No one hears a scream
No one holds or heeds to my dreams but me
The assassin of my dreams comes to destroy from the inside
The assassin of my dreams exterminates without mercy, without judgement
I am the assassin of my dreams
I am the exterminator of my thoughts
I am the rough that corrodes my will
I am my worst enemy
I am my best friend
I am my end
Remain calm
Prepare to destroy
Part animal part machine
WHAT AM I DOING HERE?
Walkin' alone down Sunset Boulevard
Feelin' lonely, feelin' mean, feelin' hard
Passing cars movin soft to scar my mind
Hot night street light pressin down burning my eyes
What am I doing here? X4
Climb the stairs back to my hollow room
Locked up, thrown away, fallin' down, sudden tomb
Voices outside screamin'
Not sayin' a word to me
Voices inside screamin' at a man - Don't you always hear it from me?
What am I doing here? x5
Turn around quick see if I can see my eyes
I see the face in the mirror starin' back don't recognize
Lookin' at my hands only nothin' hangin' on
Feelin' non-existent, stuck here feelin' gone
What am I doing here? x4
1000 TIMES BLIND
1000 times blind, see me fallin' see me hit the floor
1000 times blind, see me fallin' see me lose my mind
Don't touch me you'll touch yourself
Don't find me you'll lose yourself
Don't love me you'll hate yourself
Don't hold me you'll drop yourself
Yeah!
1000 times blind, see me throw myself to the floor
1000 faces lookin' back at you
1000 times blind
I reach inside I can't feel myself
I open my eyes I can't see myself
I scream out loud I can't hear myself
I try to recognize I don't know myself
Yeah!
1000 times blind, I get cutoff from myself
Smashed up, cut up, 1000 pieces
1000 times blind...
LONELY
I hate the world that I think hates me
Punch holes in the wall you know that hurts me
Feel dark and cold alone it burns me
Wish someone would come and touch me
Walkin' alone in the prison yard
Seein' eyes that seem to see me so hard
Crawlin' like a snake right back in to my room
Feelin' like a dead man rolling around in my tomb
There's nothin' like findin' someone when you're lonely
Makes you wanna feel so all alone
There's nothin like finding someone when you're lonely
Makes you feel so...
Walk in to a crowded room I start to freeze
Words fall short now turns to what it's time to leave
Never happy, never sad, I can face
Can't stop lookin' I keep walkin' from place to place
There's nothin like finding someone when you're lonely
Makes you wanna be so all alone
There's nothin' like finding someone when you're lonely
Makes you feel so...
Aww, yeah!
Hear no sounds they seem to keep me sane
Knife in eyes and point me at my prey
Reachin' out of my soul it's senseless
Reachin' out of my mind it's useless
I feel the mute frustration when I see your eyes
Mute is a way but Isolation iyt hurts to try
I reach out my hand - it turns to stone
I get up, walk out the door, I'm better off alone
WRECKAGE
I take a look around me and it makes me mad
Another friend of mine in rehab
Try to pull himself from a plastic bag
He's callin' from the Halfway House he says he's doing fine
Says he got himself out just in time
Says his friends woulda let him turn blue and die
Someday becomes yesterday
Your life goes and crawls away
You gotta take it on the Black Train, Jack
You can't even feel the fire burnin' your back
Her boyfriend left her broken and alone
She took some pills and crawled to the death zone
Her mother found her just in time
She strapped to a bed in psych ward doin' fine
Aww girl, what happened, what happened, what happened to you
What's goin' on? What's goin' on?
Someday becomes yesterday
Your life goes and crawls away
You're walkin' hand in hand with a death trip
You can't even feel the power in it's grip Sometimes I wanna take you by your shoulders and shake you
You've got to open your eyes, man, how long will it take you
Runnin' through life blind, man, what a waste
Shot down and neutralized, man, what a case
What happened, what happened to you?
What's goin on? What's going on with you?
Someday becomes yesterday
Your life goes an crawls away
You've got to take it on the Black Train, Jack
You can't even feel the fire on your back
I don't wanna die in the wreckage
Don't wanna go blind in the wreckage
Don't wanna go down in the wreckage
Don't wanna get stuck in the wreckage
Sometimes it's all I can see
The wreckage is all around me
The human wreckage, the human wreckage
To you, I say goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, bye-bye, bye-bye
YOU LOOK AT YOU
Killin' myself again
Losin' to myself again
Livin' in a dream again
Livin' on a lie again
I've got do something and I've got to do it now
I've gotta get to somethin' but I know I don't know how
Always keepin' busy takin' other people's change
I know I'm not afraid to push it but I'm too afraid to ask it
Back to myself again
Forget my name again
Hate my guts again
Parted my friends again
You look at you
You look at you
Lookin' toward myself and all the people that I see
Wonder what they're seein' when they're lookin' back at me
I tell you that I hate you but you know that's just a lie
You know that I don't mean it I'm the one that I despise
Losin' my grip again
Start to slip again
Stand in line again
Look at my mind again
You look at you
You look at you
Can you deal with it
Can you deal with it, deal with it, deal with it, deal with it, deal with it
TURNED OUT
Your eyes they wanna cry for me
Don't make me wanna die for you
Your arms that wanna wrap around me
Don't make me wanna hang around you
And it's no wonder anymore
That I don't wonder anymore
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
I've been turned out x4
I've been turned out
I've been turned out
You tell me you're my friend
You say I know you
I'll trust you just as far
As I can throw you
Now I don't know you
I know my enemies
They show themselves to me with honest eyes
They hate my guts but at least it's the truth
I'll trust them just as far as I can throw them off a roof
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I've been turned out x4
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I'm no stranger to kindness
I never missed the fist that kissed my face
I'm no stranger to cheapness
I never came to love the push and shove
Steel, glass-eyes cities crack dirty smiles when they see me
Open their filthy arms to greet me
I don't know if they wanna kiss or kill me
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I've been turned out
I've been turned out x3
RIGHT HERE, TOO MUCH
(First performed at Woodstock 94")
Years of self denial make me put it inside
And when it comes time to get real all I can do is hide
Oh, I'd like to get out from underneath these walls
Sometimes I look back at my life and I wonder if I've gone too far
Because I wonder if I belong anywhere at all
And I wonder if I belong to you
Oh, I try to get out from underneath these walls
But so many times I've reached out and I ... somethin' at all
Because I wonder if I belong anywhere at all
And I wonder if I belong to you
Somethin' in your eyes sees right to me, right through me
Like you knew me, I hope you do
Don't wanna know about any of this horror
Don't wanna feel all the pain in the world
Don't wanna know about any of these nightmares
Don't wanna stand alone in my room
I think I'm ready to be pulled out
I been hangin' round this place for so long - Please get me out
I'd like to have somethin' more to show than all this pain
The things that go on in my life I can't explain
