This poem was written on May 23rd, 2003. I don't know how the memory came to me, but when it did, it was almost like reliving the hardest moment of my life. This is the story of what happened the night of my brother's death. I miss him so much, but I have my comfort, everytime I look in the mirror, I see a very strong resemblence to him, and I know he's watching over me.
December 19th, 1991
On my parent's one year anniversary
Even though they were split up
Me and my mom got a knock on the door
It was 3 am. "Please ma'am, open up."
The state trooper was a nice guy
But he was delivering bad news
"Ma'am your son's truck flipped on
A ramp right outside of Newport News."
Her face got pale and started to shake
I didn't understand - I was only eight
She held on to my hand and would not release
"I'm sorry ma'am, your son is deceased."
Her tears came so quick and she grabbed hold of me
What did he mean? What is deceased?
She cried so hard - She cried so long
What in the hell is going on?
About three hours later, I remember people being there
A couple of cousins, aunts and uncles, friend's of Mom's who cared.
I sat alone on the couch, stared and watched the sun rise
It was almost time for school and I didn't want to cry
My mom seemed to forget me
Lost in a world of loss
I knew that he was dead
But with death, what is the cost?
I didn't know he was gone forever
Until I saw him one last time
Staring into a face that over time
Turned into mine
Twenty years old
Drinking and driving was his fate
They saw he tried to turn the wheel
But it was too late
I'm about to turn twenty
And it's scaring me to death
The pain I never cried for
Is a secret that I've kept
"You're so brave - You're so strong
How could you deal with it all?"
To tell the truth, I don't know
It's all still locked away inside
Maybe one day I'll face my demons
But for now I choose to hide
Cause every time I look in the mirror
I see my brother's face
And sometimes I wish it had been
Me in his place
