Ever felt like you were watching the world from the outside?
January 6th, 2002
It is all so surreal.
Almost as if my life is not my own.
I have moments when I blank out and feel as if I’m an observer.
A fully conscious and innocent observer -
watching the events of my life play out like the plot of a renaissance novel.
All the elements -
drama, comedy, conflict, tragedy -
all swooned together like a kaleidoscope -
changing with the wind yet ever constant in its complexity. So many hopes
and dreams in this story,
but no one knows if the end results
in the accomplishment of these goals or in the utter humiliation of failure.
Whether it be happiness or emptiness.
No one knows -
for the story has yet to be written.
The observer sees all of this -
always watching,
always knowing that the story is so simple in its own terms. The observer
sees my actions for what they are -
knowing when I am acting out of pure emotion
and when I am clear-headed and calculated.
The observer knows -
but only chooses to share this knowledge at certain times - and only for an
instant.
During that moment I am all seeing
and all knowing
but when it is over,
I’ve returned as myself once again -
unable to utilize what I’ve learned.
So unfair yet so true in this story that is my life.
