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Blue Skies by Irving Berlin
Post- Into the Woods
“I've gotta say something... 'Cause ... I don't think I've made it clear. I'm in love with you. Powerfully, painfully in love. The things you do ... the way you think ... the way you move ... I get excited every time I'm about to see you. You make me feel like I've never felt before in my life. Like a man. I just thought you might wanna know.” *
He had done it! He, Alexander Lavelle Harris, had committed—not a faux pas, not a felony, none of the long list of things he could have come up with if asked what he would be most likely to commit. Not even hari kari. Wait! On second thought. . .
No. He had actually committed to something—to a relationship. With a 1200 year old ex-demon. “Ex” being the operative word here. Not a praying mantis lady or a mummy girl. . . an honest-to-god warm, breathing, hot. . . sexy. . . back on track, Xander!—human being. That he loved. And for some inexplicable reason, she loved him back. A grin bisected his face.
Anya made him happy. She made him feel strong. . . secure. . . like a man.
He switched on the radio and turned the dial from his usual country music station. Country music was the music of pain, and he wasn’t in the mood for pain. His fingers stilled as the scratchy strains of an old, old song filled the room.
I was blue, just as blue as I could be
Every day was a cloudy day for me
Then good luck came a-knocking at my door
Skies were gray, but they’re not gray any more.
Yep. That had been Xander Harris pre-Anya. Livin’ life under cloudy skies. And now it was all blue skies and song birds. Which was nothing short of amazing, considering his history.
It had started out as a sort of curiosity. Anya had come to him. What were the odds of that? Hot chick diggin’ the Xan-man?
Well, there was that one time with Faith. . . but, he’d been little more than a temporary sex-toy to Faith. Anya stuck around. She liked him. She thought he was funny and brave and special—and not in the riding the short bus to school kind of way. And she trusted him. This woman, who had spent a millennium punishing men who wronged women, had entrusted her heart to one Alexander Lavelle Harris. It boggled the mind.
Never saw the sun shining so bright
Never saw things going so right
Noticing the days hurrying by
When you’re in love, my how they fly.
And the days were hurrying by. Especially from Anya’s perspective. She was mortal, now. She worried about this. He’d never been anything but mortal, yet he got where she was coming from.
“When you’re in love, the days fly by. . .” Too fast. And you blink and turn around and you’re old and worn out and hating each other. That’s the way it goes. But does it have to?
Okay, Buffy’s parents split (one-third of all marriages end in divorce. Check.) Willow’s parents were still together, but essentially lived their own lives, sharing a house more out of habit than any real affection. And his own parents? With the constant drinking and fighting, he used to wonder why they stayed together.
Now he knew. They both had a need for the drama and the pain. They were sorta happy making each other unhappy. And if they did split, odds were they’d just find someone else to re-enact the same scenario over and over. Merciful Zeus! All the adults he knew were so screwed up! Whatever made him think he had a chance of doing things differently?
I should care if the wind blows east or west
I should fret if the worst looks like the best
I should mind if they say it can’t be true
I should smile, that’s exactly what I do.
Hope. That’s what made him—not think—hope he and Anya could do better. Xander Harris: Hopeful Romantic. That was him. In spite of the proof in front of his eyes that adults were royally screwed up.
Maybe that was the key. Don’t ever become an actual “adult”. Maybe Peter Pan had the right idea. Well, except for that weird thing he had goin’ on with Tinkerbell. But the not growing up? Not getting so bogged down with jobs and mortgages and adult stuff that you forgot what was important—that he might be able to pull off. So, maybe immaturity was of the good.
He knew he’d never be able to forget the things-that-go-bump-in-the-night. Never. He knew what went on in the world under the radar of the so-called adults. There be monsters here. That was a quote form—somewhere. He’d read it somewhere and he was pretty sure it wasn’t from a comic book. Point is, there were monsters. . . not sewer gas or gangs on PCP. Honest-to-god monsters. And he faced up to them on a nightly basis. They terrified him, but he faced up to them all the same. And if he could do that. . .
Blue skies
Smiling at me
Nothing but blue skies
Do I see.
Xander reached under the bed and pulled out a battered tin box. This was his secret stash. His “Get out of Dodge” cash. He’d been saving since he was eight. It was his security blanket—the knowledge that if ever things got really bad, he had the means to skedaddle.
Blue days
All of them gone
Nothing but blue skies
From now on.
Maybe he no longer needed to dream of being able to run away if things got too bad. Maybe he could replace it with the dream of running toward happiness and security. Maybe he’d be able to accomplish what the “grown-ups” couldn’t. Maybe his “life savings” could actually save his life by giving him the chance for a life. . . a future.
He counted out his money. One thousand, three hundred and eighty-seven dollars and thirty-two cents. He could probably get a nice, tasteful engagement ring for that.
I should smile, that’s exactly what I do.
Xander smiled.
The End
*Quote from Into the Woods written by Marti Noxon.
Lyrics from Blue Skies by Irving Berlin.
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