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The Continuously Evolving Relationship of Xander Harris and the Vampire Known as 'Spike'


Author: spikeNdru
Written for: fall_for_sx, December 16, 2005
Thanks to: Major thanks to makd, who took time from preparing finals to beta this. *hugs*
Fandom: BtVS/AtS
Pairing: Spike/Xander - implied

Timeline: The course of both series and continues post-Not Fade Away
Rating: PG

Length: 5306 words

Disclaimer: The characters belong to Joss, Mutant Enemy and 20th Century Fox - I'm just playin' with 'em

 

 

Chapter One                                                                                         Chapter   2   3   Home

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Part One—Fall, 1997


“So, Willow, what do you think?”

“About what?”

“The new vamps in town—Spike and Drusilla.”

“Yeeesh!”

“I think Dead Boy's holding out on us. I think he knows a lot more about 'em than he's telling.”

“Angel wouldn't do that! Why would he do that?”

“You didn't see him with that Spike! Spike called 'im his 'Yoda', and I think he would have let Spike kill me.”

“No, he wouldn't! He was just pretending—you know, so he could check out the situation.”

“You weren't the filling in a vampire sandwich! I don't trust him any more than I trust Spike!”

“But . . . Angel's good! Buffy says Angel's good. He's got a soul and all . . .”

“But what does that mean that he has a soul? He's still a vampire. And Giles said when a vampire kills you the demon that takes over your body may have your memories. But it isn't you, so . . . Angel's still just a demon with a soul, and that makes him as scary as Spike. And if he was really on our side, he was 'thisclose' to Spike—with me in between. Why didn't he just stake Spike or something? Nope. Definitely something going on between Dead Boy and Spike that we don't know about. And one of these days I'm gonna find out what it is.”


 

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Part Two—Fall, 1998


Dammit! I hate vampires. I really, really hate vampires. Every time I turn around, there's some stupid vampire messing everything up. Just when I thought we got rid of Dead Boy for good, he's baaaack! And Buffy lied to us! She was sneaking off to see him and she had to have known it was wrong, or she would have told us. And then, as if things weren't bad enough, Bleach Boy's back, too. And it was all his fault that Cordy got hurt, and now she's avoiding me like the plague.

Willow and me were just minding our own business, waiting to go bowling for gawd's sake, when all of a sudden there was evil-church-chemistry and Spike—why couldn't he just stay gone—and he was gonna kill us for sure and there was near-death touching and it's all Spike's fault! He's ruining my life and if he hadn't gotten lucky and made with the unconsciousness, I so would have killed him dead! Deader. Whatever. If that peroxide pest ever shows his face around here again, I will kill him. Or . . . maybe Buffy will—but I'll watch. And I'll enjoy every second of it!

“Xander?”

“What, mom?”

“Is someone there?”

“Just me, mom.”

“Oh. I thought I heard you talking to someone down there.”

“Nope. Just . . . talking to myself.”

“You'll have to be careful with that, sweetie. Remember what happened to Uncle Elmer?”

“Okay, mom.”


If I ever have to get a lobotomy, for any reason, it will still be all Spike's fault!


 

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Part Three—Fall, 1999


This really sucks! I thought we were a team—Scoobies forever. But Buffy and Willow and the Oz-man all went off to a completely new life at college and here I am, still living in my parents' basement, and the only difference is now that I graduated, I have to pay rent. Which means that I have to get a crappy job so I can pay said rent. But at least I have a job—poor Giles is really at loose ends since we blew up the school, and the Council fired him so probably won't give him a reference, and all his other potential adult references are kinda dead due to the Mayor and the blowing up of the school.

Oh, and to really make my life complete . . . guess who's back again? Yep. The Peroxide Pest. He's like herpes—never quite goes away. Just when you think you've gotten rid of him for good, he pops up again, like a blood-sucking jack-in-the-box.

But now he's got a chip, and that's kinda funny at least. Or, it was . . . while he was chained up in Giles' bathtub. But now he's un-living with me, for some reason. I don't quite understand how it happened.

Me! Living with a vampire! Not only is he a vampire, but he's a worse slob than me. And totally incompetent about doing anything around the house. But, he's easy to talk to, you know? When he's not being all snippy and snarky, he has this way about him of focusing his attention on you that makes you feel like what you have to say is really important. No one else has ever made me feel like that. Not even Willow or Anya. Spike makes me feel like I can be smart . . . like I matter. And that's just weird.

 

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Part Four—Fall, 2000


I'd never admit it to anyone, but I sorta missed Spike when he moved out. But now Anya and I have a new apartment, and Buffy and Riley are a couple and Spike's not really a part of our lives anymore. And that's good. 'Cause he's an evil vampire, right? And vampires aren't really people. That's what Giles told me when Jesse . . . Giles said Jesse was murdered by a vampire and the person is gone—the demon might have the person's memories, but they're not really a person.

But Spike seems like a real person. Sometimes I have to remind myself that he's not—that he's just an evil vampire and not a person at all. But then that means that the Spike-person was murdered somewhere along the line too, so it's not really all his fault. Is it?

Thinking about Spike makes my head hurt! I want to believe that he's just a 'thing', not a person . . . but he didn't give Dawn up to Glory. He let Glory nearly kill him—I saw how trashed he was when Giles and I took him back to his crypt. It would have been the perfect opportunity to finish him off—get him out of our hair once and for all—and I couldn't do it. I just couldn't.

I was sort of glad later that I couldn't, when Buffy confirmed that he protected Dawn's identity. Why would he do that? I figured he was just playing us because of his sick obsession with Buffy. But he couldn't get into her pants if he was dust, and if we hadn't rescued him when we did . . .

Maybe he really does care about Dawn, like he says. But if he does, what does that mean? Does that mean I really did kill my best friend and not just the thing that murdered him?

I hate Spike!

I hate him for making me like him and getting me all confused. I hate him because I think we could be friends, if he wasn't an evil, disgusting thing. I hate him because he can be really kind, and he's fun to hang out with, and he's really attractive and has that firm, muscular body and those piercing blue eyes—not going there!

Not going there at all!

I'm gonna ask Anya to marry me and get on with my life and not think about Spike anymore because he's evil and annoying and I hate him!


 

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Continued in Chapter Two
 

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