Month One
A new article is on the loose. It's called the J-Man Prophecies. In this article, I'll make accurate and sometimes humorous predictions for the near future. Look for this article each and every month, or at least until I run out of ideas.
2002 – Terrorists strike old grain elevator in Bloomdale with kites. Bloomdale’s mayor is outraged; rest of country says, “Bloom-what?”
2003 – The final “Lord of the Rings” movie released. Audiences shocked to find that the Ring was made out of chicken.
2008 – Cheese is outlawed after the Great Cheese Spill of 2007.
2010 – Despite new K-12 building, Elmwood hallways still crowded.
2015 – Britney Spears chokes on popsickle, physically scarred for life.
2018 – Everyone in Australia killed by plague of marauding rabit goats.
2019 – Osama bin Laden found, managing Milwaukee Radio Shack.
2022 – Mrs. Ault finally admits that math “inhales deeply."
2025 – Spelling of “soup” changed to S-U-P-E.
2027 – Toothpaste identified as leading cause of cancer.
2029 – Cincinatti Bengals win the Superbowl. Yeah, right.
2031 – Eyepatches fashionable. Children poke out their own eyes because “it’s what the cool kids are doing.”
2033 – Canadians invade Elmwood and over-throw Mr. Novak, replacing American History with the much less interesting Canadian History.
2035 – Mickey Mouse takes up smoking.
2036 – George Lucas unveils his new movie, Star Wars Episode X: Revenge of the Ewoks.
2038 – Burger King forms its own mafia gang, named “The Burger King Kids Club.” McDonald’s CEOs start mysteriously disappearing.
2041 – Flying cars invented. Taxicab security proves tighter than at the airport.
2044 – Leprechauns found in Northern Ireland. Brittany Hemminger no longer alone.
2047 – World’s population of rabbits rises up and kills us all.
2051 – Alien invaders attempt to take the world over. The rabbits kill them too.
Onto Month Two.
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