Captain Knockers

and the

Islamic Goat Herders of Death

based on a true story

Chapter Three: Tyre Cleaning Product Salesmen of Death

And so it came to pass that Captain Knockers and his crew of 69 Islamic Goat Herders of Death sailed the high seas for two weeks with no sign of any other form of life. Then, from atop the mast, Rear Admiral Stan Zemanek called Captain Knockers to his attention.

Rear Admiral Stan Zemanek

"I can see land Captain! I think its the Sodomy Caves of Death!" he exclaimed.

"What makes you say that Rear Admiral?" asked Captain Knockers.

"Well, theres a sign that says 'Sodomy Caves of Death - dont worry this isn't a trap'."

But it wont be easy for HMAS Testicular Cancer to get to the island, as there is a blockade protecting the Robotic Monkeys From Hell's home. The captain and crew contemplate another battle, but the sailors are weary and decide a fight would be too costly....

Captain Knockers realises he cant just walk in so, he devises a plan.... if they could dress up as assorted tyre cleaning product salesman they will gain access to the Sodomy Caves of Death.

The plan works and now they are inside the caves..... but something fishy is going on.... ITS A TRAP! Robotic Monkeys from hell jump out from all orifices of the cave. Our heroes are siezed, dressed in bondage gear and scented with natural herb essences.

A Fish

So, the Robotic Monkeys from Hell's plans have gone exactly how they planned, so now all they to do is wait for their master, Captain Birdseye, for the hardcore bondage and filming to begin.

Trumpets sound and a drum roll is heard as a ship sails into the island. And lo and behold, in walks the man himself, Captain Birdseye.

"Ah master, you've arrived.... let the masturbation begin!"

"Masturbate this!" exclaims Captain Birdseye, who pulls out an AK-47 sub-machine gun and starts blasting away at the monkeys. Monkeys fall dead amongst them as Captain Birdseye reaches for his face. He pulls off a mask, and it turns out its not Captain Birdseye at all. In fact it is Mother Theresa, back from the dead in an effort to rid the world of pornography and other such erotic things.

Mother Theresa

She unties the captain and crew and informs them that this island is not actually the Sodomy Caves of Death. It was just a trap set up by the Robotic Monkeys from Hell. They thank Mother Theresa for saving their arses and their lives before eating her and setting off on their voyage.

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