Captain Knockers

and the

Islamic Goat Herders of Death

based on a true story

Chapter Four: Lust for a legless lover

It is a long a lonely night for Captain Knockers as he takes the helm of HMAS Testicular Cancer. As he picks small pieces of Mother Theresa's roasted thigh from his teeth, he begins to think of his true love, Wiggy. He then picks up his trusty birdcage and rubs his penis on it until aroused.

After a while, Rear Admiral Stan Zemanek takes the helm, and Captain Knockers retires to his trusty sea bunk where sleep quickly overcomes him and he starts dreaming of Wiggy.....

A friendly bus-driver

He dreams of the day they met at air traffic controller school and how wonderful it was to finally meet some as ugly and disfigured as he was who also had a keen interest in sailing and stamp collecting....

It was only a matter of time before he fell in love with her....

But they were torn apart the day he was expelled from the school for misuse of the air traffic control battons. He reluctantly handed the brown battons back to his teacher and proceeded on his way.

He was so upset, he thought he had lost Wiggy forever! He feared an end to their passionate nights filled with cocaine, grapefruit juice, Yates Weed`n`feed and a convulsing frog which was perfect for anal consumption.

A fairly imbred cat

Then one day whilst bending over in the backyard, Captain Knockers heard of a horrible accident in which Wiggy was injured. She was directing an incoming plane when she pulled it in too close and it ran over her legs. They had to be removed.

After Wiggy had recovered from her plane accident she moved home. Captain Knockers started seeing her often. They made nights of wonderous love covered in manure and cocaine whilst Captain Knockers stradled his birdcage....

It was then that Captain Knockers screwed up. He told Wiggy that having her legs cut off in that airplane accident was the best thing for their relationship. Offended, Wiggy decided that she should cool down by going for a sail. She pulled on the gib and drifted off, Captain Knockers running down the beach trying to warn her of an oncoming tropical cyclone. But it was too late. Captain Knockers screamed out: "I will always love you Wiggy... even if you are hideously disfigured and have no legs!" He never saw her again.....

Bahahahah look at that guys hat!!

It was then that Captain Knockers was awoken by Rear Admiral Stan who warned him of an oncoming storm..... but this was no ordinary storm...

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