Captain Knockers

and the

Islamic Goat Herders of Death

based on a true story

Chapter Six: Inserting a Crunchy Apricot Meusli Bar up the Minister for Public Health's Anus

Captain Knockers felt the first drops of raw feaces hit his face as he looked to the horizon and felt a sense of danger and also arousal as he remembered Wiggy as a clump of shit hit his face.

"Stand down!" he screamed to his men who then proceeded to remove their pants. The Captain then screamed in horror "I said 'stand down,' NOT PANTS DOWN!" The storm grew angry and intense as the ocean turned a dark brown and the horizon was a scat filled bonanza. The men had to retreat to below the deck. There was no time for picking up their pants as the captain herded them in.

So the Islamic goat herders all huddled around each other in the murky depths of the HMAS Testicular Cancer with there genitals swinging back and forth due to the lack of pants. The storm was getting out of control as the captain and Rear Admiral Stan Zemanek held down on the deck. "We cant handle this faecal waste much longer Captain," yelled Stan, but the captain just looked back at him with a smile on his face....

"What's not to handle?" he said as he anally assaulted one of his pantless crew members. But then his shit smeared grin turned to a frown. In the distance he could see another vessel aproaching. So he pulled out his Magical Binoculars of Death to gain a better view.

"DEAR GOD NO!" he exclaimed. "I didn't think it could get much worse with this Shit-storm of Death, but my worst fears have been realised!!!! Its HMS Pinafore!! And there's a bunch of fags in sailor uniforms singing and dancing in a very homosexual manner!!!!!"

A bunch of fags from HMS Pinafore

"ARM THE CANNONS!" ordered Rear Admiral Stan Zemanek. "Let's blow these tools back to where they belong: acting college..."

"Hold fire sailors," said Captain Knockers, "I want to talk to them - they may know the whereabouts of the Minister for Public Health."

Captain Knockers signalled to HMS Pinafore by ripping off his pants Manpower Australia style. As the ships pulled closer, Captain Knockers recognised Elton John.

"Hello sailor" said Elton. "We were just heading home - we heard Johnnie has been evicted from Big Brother and we promised him a large homoerotic gang bang when we got back."

Johnnie from Big Brother - what a STUD!

"Sounds good... but what i really want to know is do you know where the Minister for Public Health is?"

"Why yes, I'm right here!" said the Minister as he jumped out of cabin wearing nothing but a pair of pants with the butt cheeks cut out.

The Minister for Public Health in Djbouti (wearing clothes)

"QUICK! THERE HE IS! PIN HIM DOWN BOYS" ordered Captain Knockers as his Islamic goat herding crew stormed the deck and grabbed the Minister. As they bent him over the helm, Captain Knockers put on his latex gloves and unwrapped the crunchy apricot meusli bar. Just seconds after the insertion, the brown clouds subsided, and the water and sky returned to their original colours. They were safe again, but for how long?........

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