Captain Knockers

and the

Islamic Goat Herders of Death

based on a true story

Chapter Seven: Operation: Michael Bolton

Michael Bolton: A face only a mother would love, and perhaps a deranged homosexual

As the sun set over the Sodomy Caves of Death, Captain Birdseye moaned as he proceeded to fornicate with his microwave oven. The moment was ruined though, when a Robotic Monkey from Hell burst in with news of Captain Knocker's success in calming the shitstorm of death which he had plotted using all the faeces left over from the shoot of his new homoerotic video "Scat Party IV - Backdoor Barry's Backyard Barbeque Bonanza."

So birdseye gathered up all the Robotic Monkeys from Hell for a mission against the captain which was sure to see his doom.

"Damn that Knockers!" cursed Captain Birdseye. "All that hard earned scat wasted.... he will pay the ultimate price. I want you to take over his ship and bring him and his crew to me NOW!" he instructed his Robotic Monkeys from Hell.

"But how?" they asked.

"I have devised a cunning plan, for I know Knockers' weak spot.... MICHAEL BOLTON!!"

Michael Bolton: nice hat you wanker

So the plan was put into action... Michael Bolton was lead to HMAS Testicular Cancer, where he climbed aboard. Captain Knockers was frozen with excitement to see his singing idol. As Michael Bolton began a rendition of 'I said have loved you but I lied," Captain Knockers marvelled at his manly body and beautiful long hair, which was surpassed in homoeroticism only by his tight leather pants with the butt cheeks cut out.

Michael Bolton's cat (it was delicious)

Then, all of a sudden, a cannon shot was heard, and Michael Bolton's head exploded. As his headless body dropped to the deck, Captain Knockers looked across at Rear Admiral Stan Zemanek who was standing by the cannon. Then Stan apologised: "Sorry Captain, but I cant stand that fag."

"Never mind" replied Captain Knockers, "that was the worst rendition of that song I'd ever heard." He then proceeded to remove his pants. "Quick fellas, while the corpse is still warm!!!"

While Captain Knockers and the Islamic Goat Herders of Death were making use of the remains of Michael Bolton, Captain Birdseye cursed Stan Zemanek for killing their decoy.

As he laughed maniacally he exclaimed...

"Its not over yet Knockers!!!!!"

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