Captain Knockers

and the

Islamic Goat Herders of Death

based on a true story

Chapter Nine: Captain Knockers vs the Cock Creatures of Doom (part one)

As the sun rose over the bright blue sea, spreading its warmth and light over the land and ocean, Captain Knockers was suddenly afflicted with the worst case of explosive diarhoea that any of the Islamic crew on HMS Testicular Cancer had ever seen.

But because the Captain was confined to a cubicle, he would be fortunate not to witness an evil far worse than burning, runny feces.

Where's the beef?

While he squirted away, Captain Knockers' crew of Islamic Goat Herders of Death began to stir from their slumber, awakening only to find that they had been abducted by none other than the infamous COCK CREATURES OF DOOM - masters of ANAL DESTRUCTION!!!

The Cock Creatures of Doom were feared and loathed far and wide. Not only did they molest every single child within a 5 kilometer radius of the African village they originated from, they were also responsible for the financing and distribution of Craig David's debut album, "Born To Do It."

Craig David - Born to do it (whatever 'it' is)

Captain Knockers knew that the Cock Creatures would stop at nothing, not even an Gold-selling Grammy winning album. He was his crew's only hope, and he had to save them before their anuses were destroyed! What he didn't realise was that the Cock Creatures of Doom were subliminally controlling his bowels, and willing him to have the explosive diahoea which was crippling him.

Captain Knockers followed the telltale trails that the Cock Creatures had left behind. Surely they were responsible for the line of mixed blood and feces that dirtied the water. Not long after, he saw sails on the horizon. "This must be the creatures!" he exclaimed before the diarhoea got so bad it became explosive and heated up to 400 degress melting the captains pants of and giving him shit scars*.

Just then, a sinister voice came from behind the captain. "The time has come for you to say good riddance to your anus!" He knew before he turned to face the stranger that it was, indeed, a Cock Creature of Doom!

ANALCAM - I wish i had a camera up my arse

"Your days of terror have come to an end!" threatened Captain Knockers as he drew his Cutlass of Catastrophe.

"Thats what you'd like to think, but as we speak our TV producers are working on our next horror! Its called Gilmore Girls."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Captain Knockers. But it was too late. Millions of veiwers had already become hooked on the show. But if it was any consolation, he could still save his crew....

TO BE CONTINUED.........

next

*One of the writers ponders shit scars: "all this brown melted skin that is turning black and smells like turds"