This Is Razor's Story

"If you're going to steal a cop car, you'd better be prepared to floor it all the way to Mexico". - Anonymous

Many years ago, a friend told me about an incredibly ridiculous segment he claimed to have seen on a law enforcement TV show. I think it’s about time that I shared it with the rest of you. The basic premise involved a rather witless young man who had stolen a car and was doing his best to attract the attention of his local police department. Evidently this monkey-boy had outgrown the cheap thrills associated with petty thievery, and was looking to stir up some major excitement. Well, he got what he wanted and then some.

As you can probably imagine, it wasn’t long before half the squad cars in town were feverishly attempting to remove our fun-seeking friend from the road. As he careened through the city streets, taking out road signs and bouncing off of curbs, something very odd began to take place. According to eyewitness accounts, the youngster in question made several abrupt stops in the middle of various intersections, hopping out for a scant few seconds at each point and then roaring away as soon as John Law got too close.

What on earth could have possessed him to make these unscheduled, ill-advised and certainly very dangerous pit-stops, you ask? The answer is simplicity itself: he’d been stricken with Disco Fever, and wanted everyone in town to know just how great a dancer he really was. It seems as though our little buddy had become entirely too proud of his soft-shoeing abilities and could no longer contain himself in front of an audience.

He appeared to delight in taunting and mocking the hapless policemen with his groovy ‘70s moves, taking just enough time to cut a proverbial rug and laugh heartily at his perplexed pursuers before disappearing into the cool night air once more. Unfortunately for "monkey-boy", the police department did not find his behavior to be amusing in the least; nor did they share his appreciation for the long-lost art of ‘70s music and dance.

At about the fourth or fifth stoplight, our hero’s impromptu joyride was hastily cut short when he again exited "his" vehicle, cranking the music to obscene levels and stepping out into the moonlight for what would become his final dance - in public, anyway. He found himself immediately surrounded by nearly every policeman in the city, all of whom had drawn their weapons and were more than willing to use them. I guess having 50 loaded guns pointed at your face would lead you to reconsider most any action you’ve taken.

So ends this disturbing little tale, for the most part. I never did find out what happened to that crazy kid, but I think it’s safe to assume that the police department wasted no time in confiscating his dancing shoes. Hopefully he can at least get VH-1 piped into his jail cell on the weekends or something.

Perhaps I shouldn’t look for humor in such an obviously tragic and absurd situation, where mental illness undoubtedly played a major part in a man’s undoing…but then again, you must admit that the concept of this story is downright hilarious. Additionally, I've become tremendously weary of people using poor mental health as a "one-size-fits-all" excuse for negligent or criminal activity…what you do is your own responsibility, moron! Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but this is really a topic for another day.

Even if it turns out that none of the aforementioned events took place (which is a distinct possibility – I did hear about it in high school, after all), I will forever enjoy visualizing and describing the perilous actions taken by our overenthusiastic entertainer. Here's to another five years in the nuthouse, you brainless wonder! Have fun riding the lightning!!

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Contents Copyright 1998-2038 Razor and Ruudboy Productions unless otherwise expressly stated. All Rights Reserved.

DISCLAIMER: Contents of this website are © 1998-2098 Loserville City Limits (LCL) and The AGCS Network unless otherwise expressly stated. This webpage and related pages are in no way affiliated with any other organization. All names, logos and trademarks are property of their respective owners.

Disclaimer: The AGCSWF is purely a work of fiction. All storylines, situations and characters depicted herein are fabricated. Any resemblance to actual individuals living or dead is entirely coincidental.

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