AJ however, was still looking at his future self screaming for Nick to wake up. In his head, he kept asking the same question over and over again; how did he get so out of hand? How could he ended up so lost and unloved? Whatever happened that had caused him to be so destructive?
He looked around his future house, sucking in every detail of it. He seemed to be doing good on his own. It wasn’t littered with Chinese take away or empty boxes of pizza. There wasn’t a single crumpled clothes slumped anywhere. Everything was in order, even the air around the house smelt of lingering citrus air refresher. His gaze lingered on the big black piano and memories that he didn’t knew existed was telling him that he had found immense pleasure just sitting there and creating melody after melody. He saw himself eagerly penning down lyrics and humming those tunes that had been spiralling in his head, ready to be played and heard by many. So what had gone wrong? How did he turn out to be a murderer?
AJ Mc Lean shot ex-band member to death.
“AJ come on, we have to get out of here.” He turned, felt the reassuring hand squeezing lightly on his shoulder. He brought his gaze up to find the pair of green eyes that he was used to look into for comfort and found no blames or accusations in it. It brought him back to that fateful day, the day when his world was facing the end and the beginning at the same time.
He was drunk out of his mind, heavily intoxicated and wasted. He knew that anytime soon, he would be under the wrath of either his bandmates who had become nothing but a hassle to him or Jim, their tour manager. Thinking about it, he had second thoughts. He doubted any of the guys would be coming near him that day, considering the damage he had done earlier that morning, top that up with the fact that he was a no show at the meet and greet right about that time. Nobody cared to come up and check on him though, because Kevin had warned him if he wasn’t at the lobby by nine, they would leave without him. That was just the way he likes it.
“AJ?”
He pushed through his murky thoughts and drowsiness and tried to focus on his surroundings. He thought he heard someone calling his name. He wondered if that was just in his head.
“AJ?”
There it goes again. No, he wasn’t making that up.
“Just checking if you’re okay.” It was Ken, his bodyguard. He shrugged and started rubbing his cheeks, hoping to shred away the remaining dust of his hang over.
“Everyone’s mad at me right now. I’m surprised Jim hasn’t come in and yell at me yet.”
“He’s on the phone with your mom.” Ken said.
“Oh? I didn’t know he’s suppose to make house calls when I misbehave now.”
“You’re already with a counsellor AJ, but you don’t seem to get any better, Jim’s just worried.”
“Tell me Ken, did the guys say anything on their way back here?”
“Not much. But I know Kevin is really pissed cause Tony had to send Nick to the hospital again after the meet and greet.”
“Nick’s in the hospital right now?”
“Yeah. The pain killers didn’t work and the boy looked like he was gonna faint any second.” There was no hint that Ken was joking, in fact, if AJ had known any better, Ken seemed pissed off at him too.
“He must be pissed at me.”
“You mean Nick?”
“Yeah. He should really know when to back off, he wouldn’t end up with a broken wrist if he had.” He lied.
“Well AJ, you messed up pretty bad this time, I don’t think a simple sorry will cut it. Anyway, I came in to see how you’re doing and it seems like nothing much has change. And in case it slips off your mind again, there’s a meeting in three hours with the stage director over at the venue, if you feel up to it, give me a call and I’ll come escort you out.”
Yup, even Ken was getting tired of him. He left shortly after and AJ went straight to the mini bar, took another mini bottle of wine; didn’t really care what brand it was and took a swig at it. To hell with everyone else! He doubted any of the guys would want to be anywhere near him right now and he had felt the same way. He wanted to get away, he wanted out of this band! Maybe he should do it, tell them that he wanted to quit.
So when Kevin had barged in and started yelling at him, his face flustered in anger, AJ was left shocked and confused. Even in his drunkard state, he could see the hurt and disappointment embedded deep in those pale green eyes. It was the same hurt and pain he saw whenever he looked at Howie, Brian and Nick.
But Kevin had always been the strong one, the one who refused to show his emotions openly only because Kevin knew AJ would only use those insecurities against him. Everyone who had came up to offer him their sympathy and help and showed him how scared they were of what was to become of him, had fallen under his wrath. But with Kevin, nothing left his mouth. No sarcasm, no rebuttals, he stood there, drinking in what Kevin had said. Did that just happen?
“I’ve had enough of your shit AJ! I thought what happened between you and Nick last night will change you but look at you right now! You missed another appearance, you let your fans down and you don’t even have the balls to say you’re sorry! I’m tired of sitting around and hope for you to get your sorry ass back up in gear. If you don’t want to get better, it’s up to you, but until you do, you’re nothing but a piece of crap to me! You hear? YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A PIECE OF CRAP!”
Normally, he wouldn’t pay much attention to anything that people had called him. So what if they think he was a spoilt superstar? He deserved to be spoilt after all the hard work. So what if they think he isn’t fit to be in a boyband? Whatever does boyband means anyway? But when Kevin had called him a piece of crap, the wall that he had successfully built around him started to crumble. Unlike any others, his words had affected him.
It felt like a lethal injection, some unknown drug that had been injected in his blood and run in his vein, on its way to poisoning his heart.
He slumped himself down on his bed, the silent ambience of his suite telling him that he had no one else to turn to. That the only way to go when you hit rock bottom is up. It was an uphill climb, something that he doubted he had the strength to do, but there were only two ways to take. Either be the way he was then, a man he was beginning to hate, or make that first step up and claim back the AJ Mc Lean he once was.
His stomach churned painfully and he knew that he had to get up and start speeding for the bathroom. Claming his mouth with his right hand while the left clutched at his stomach, he made a dash for the can, praying silently that he would make it in time.
On hands and knees, he had bowed to the can and threw up, along with it, long kept emotions. He was feeling miserable and lonely, the world was crashing down on him at once, there was nothing there for him to hold on to for support.
He turned on the shower and started stripping himself out of his clothes. As the cold water rained on him harshly, he willed for the tears to come. Rubbing himself off the grub and the strong smell of dried, expensive wine from the night before, he watched as the soapy water glided down his body and to the floor, slowly draining into the manhole and disappeared for good. His mind travelling back to that fateful night.
“AJ come on, just take my hand damn it!”
“I can walk on my own asshole! Leave me the fuck alone!”
“AJ stop yelling or they’ll hear you! Kevin’s already mad!”
“Who the fuck care! I’m old enough to do what the hell it is I wanna! He’s not my fucking father! You know Nicky…even my dad didn’t care much.”
“AJ you’re drunk, just let me help you get in your room and I’ll leave you alone.”
“You’re getting too uptight like Kevin, Nicky…I thought you wanna get drunk with us tonight.”
“I am drunk, just not as drunk as you are.”
“No you’re not. I’ve seen you drunk…you can’t even talk right when you’re drunk…”
“Look AJ, if Ken wasn’t too busy saving our asses from the fans below, I wouldn’t even be here right now, so work with me okay?”
He gave in then, letting Nick helped him to his room. It was all for the better, he wouldn’t even be able to make out the difference between a room to the other. He should have let Nick left the room then, besides, he was too wasted to do anything else, but he just had to provoke that boy.
“I know why you broke up with Dana.”
Nick stopped and looked back at him, somewhat confused. That look alone managed to send a laughing fit to overcome him. Nick failed to see the humour in it though.
“What’s so funny? Go to sleep AJ.”
“She used you, didn’t she? Just like all the other girls before. All of them want something from you Nicky…a recording contract, some fame, a good fuck…you seem to give them everything they want and then, they leave you.”
“Shut the hell up J.”
“But I’m right, aren’t I? What are you Nicky, a gigolo? Is that your secret past time that you hide from all of us? God Nick, you even fit the bill perfect!”
That was when Nick had lunged on him, and he landed flat on the floor, with Nick slamming him down.
“You asshole! I shouldn’t have help you, it’s such a waste of my time!” His fist was high and ready to take the plunge but despite his current situation, AJ was still too quick for him. He grabbed his fist in his hand and with a swift of a motion, pushed both him and Nick up swung Nick’s arm to the back. Nick’s sudden yelp indicated that he had successfully locked him arm from moving.
“Not so tough now are we?” He mocked. “I might be smaller than you, but I got some cool moves.”
“Let me go AJ! Are you crazy?”
But Nick was struggling, refused to surrender under the wrath of a guy who was obviously smaller and drunk. His next move came unexpectedly and ended up with AJ twisting the fist in his hand and both landed awkwardly on the floor, again.
This time however, Nick’s screams cleared his head and dissolved the fog in his head. He had curled up and was holding his wrist, the screams had turned to cries of pain.
“I think I broke my wrist!”
And now, Nick was back in the hospital because he couldn’t bear the pain; the pain that AJ had done unto him. Who else must hurt before he open up his eyes and see the truth? The truth that he was self-destructing?
Turning off the shower, he grabbed for his towel and went out of the bathroom, knowing exactly what he should do; something that he should have done right from the beginning of his destruction.
He reached out for his cell phone, sat on the edge of the bed and started dialling the familiar number. The water from his damp hair dripped drop by drop on his arm, as if in rhythmic motion of the ticking of his wrist watch, lying on the side table next to him; counting down the mortal seconds before Kevin answered his call, the tension of wondering what kind of reception he would receive from the man was killing him.
Half an hour later, Brian, Howie, Kevin and Nick found their way into his suite. Kevin was still distant, Brian and Howie acted as if nothing had happened even though AJ thought at that moment how bad actors they were and Nick was lost in his thoughts. Often, he would see him rubbing the arm, the wrist was now in a huge cast.
“Guys, I need help.”
An hour later, he found himself packing up his bags. Things are going to change for him and for everyone now. It was a huge step to take and a scary one at that too, but he knew he had to do it.
“We will go through and overcome this together because I’ll never give up on you, you must know that.” Kevin whispered in his ears. Those words stayed with him as he sat at the back of the black van, on his way to the rehab centre.
“I can’t do this Kevin.” AJ said as he watched Brian and Howie already joining hands, waiting for him and Kevin to complete the circle.
“We made a sound decision together, remember AJ? We have to go through this to the end. Lets go.”
“I killed him Kevin. I killed Nick!”
“No, that’s not gonna happen in a few years. And this journey will help you prevent that from happening. You can’t change the pass but you can alter the future. Come on AJ, the answers might lye ahead of us.”
“Guys, we have little time left. Nick can’t survive in this place for long.” Vinhorian interrupted. His calm feature showing hints of worry.
“Come on J, we have to go or we might just get Nick killed today instead.”
AJ nodded, realising he had no other way out. He took Vin’s outstretched hand into his grasp and was surprised when Vin had loosen the grasp and replaced it with Nick’s. “Hold him tight, don’t let go.” It was his left hand, the hand that ended up with a broken wrist all because Nick wanted to help him.
He nodded nervously, closing his eyes so that he doesn’t have to see Nick surrounded by cold death. He felt Kevin’s hand grabbing for his right and he opened his eyes, crook his next slightly to get a better look at his friends. They were ready and more than willing to leave the scene. To leave the desperation in AJ’s future self pleas at the back.
Kevin’s strong grip on his right hand caught his attention again, offering him an assurance smile before saying, “We will go through and overcome this together.”
-
When AJ opened his eyes next, it felt like he had just woke up from a dreamless sleep. It was awkward because he knew it was only seconds ago when he had grabbed hold of both Nick’s and Kevin’s hands; and yet he felt like it had been hours since it passed.
“About time you wake up.” AJ almost jump at the sound of the voice. It was Nick.
“You’re alive!”
Nick rolled his eyes and looked at him, as if to say ‘well duh!’
“That is SO yesterday’s news J.” AJ turned to his right and found Brian smirking at him. He didn’t bother to reply to that since he already felt so lost. He looked around the room that they were in and found it somewhat familiar.
“Are you mad at me bro?” AJ asked, looking at Nick, trying hard to read the expression on his face.
“For something that you haven’t do? Nope.” Nick replied. “I’m just glad that after all that bad stuff happen between the five of us, I still made that trip to find you. At least I know I never stop caring about you guys. And I know you never stop either. You just stop believing in yourself. I hope now you see that that’s not cool. But something still bugs me though.”
“What? Are you still hurt?” Kevin interrupted, his old brother mode turned full blast.
“No.” Nick shook his head. “You got to calm down Kevin or you’ll die of a heart attack.”
“Yeah, he’ll drop dead when one of us call and said ‘hey Kev, J killed Nick, for real.” Howie joked.
“See, that’s the thing that bugs me.” Nick agreed. He turned to look at J. “That you got to kill me, for real. All those time when you said ‘I’m gonna kill you Nick’ and you actually got to do it. How cool is that?”
AJ lowered his head, willed himself to stay calm. When he looked up again, Nick was suppressing himself from the oncoming onslaught of laughter. “Do you have any idea how scared I was when you died Nick? Do you? This is no joke man! What if I fail to make it right? What if after all these are over and done with, I still ended up feeling like a crap and shot you? What then?”
Nick shook his head and looked at Brian. “Go Rok, tell him what I told you earlier.”
“Gladly.” Brian smiled and turned to look at AJ. “That ain’t gonna happen bro.”
“And how do you exactly know this? Can you guarantee me that it won’t happen?”
“As a matter of fact, we can.” Brian replied. “You’re not a killer AJ, you’re far from it. And if we really take this opportunity that Vin is giving us seriously, we can really help ourselves.”
Everyone stayed silent for what seemed like an eternity. Even Vinhorian Alni didn’t offer anything to break the silence.
Howie chewed his bottom lips and started to whistle, breaking the silence. “I’m assuming that this silence game is part of the learning process Vin?”
Vinhorian blinked and then shook his head. “Oh no, it’s not…I just thought you all needed a time to think things through.”
“Where are we?” AJ decided to ask, to no one in particular.
Vinhorian reached out and patted his shoulder lightly and took a deep breath. “I want to show you something before we move on.”
“This is the TRL set…we’re about to break the news.” Kevin revealed, studying the studio again.
“Eh?” Howie asked, as he joined Kevin. “You got to do better than that Kev, how many TRLs have we done in our lifetime?”
“How many news did we break to TRL D? THE news?” Nick clued him in.
“One, as far as I know.” Brian answered for him.
AJ nodded. Of course, he had seen it on TV so many times, even recorded it down and had them on repeat. It was like a constant reminder what his destruction had done not only to the group, but to the fans. It also brought him back to the days when he was in the rehab centre, hoping to find that answer he was searching for. He realised now, he didn’t even know what the question was exactly. Was he expecting to find peace again? To find himself again? What was it?
“Oh, I remember it now.” Howie replied.
Vinhorian nodded and smiled, pleased at them. “I’m glad you get that part cleared.”
“I just don’t get it Vin. Why is it always about me? Am I the reason why all these happened? Are we here so that I can see what alcohol would do to me in a long run?”
Vinhorian shook his head, his eyes glimmered slightly. AJ thought for the first time, he could actually see a little emotion in the stranger, something that he couldn’t do before. “You will learn AJ, that this isn’t just about you. True, you’re the huge picture here, the one everyone is seeing, but this trip is not about seeing the obvious guys, this is about ravelling what’s hidden and regarded non-existence.”
Kevin frowned. Brian suppressed his desire to laugh out loud. Never did he ever thought that his cousin could ever be as clueless as they were then. The thought was left lingered at the back of his mind as Vinhorian continued.
“And when you finally realised it was there all along, it would be too late to address them.”
Howie rubbed his palms together nervously. “Is this going to be a trip where we learn something about each other that we’ve kept a secret from?”
Vinhorian bit his lower lips and smiled uneasily. “Sounds corny huh?”
Nick nodded. “Yeah, it’s almost like a bad movie. It’s predictable.”
“Not to mention, no fun at all.” Kevin added. “Secrets are meant to be secrets Vin, I don’t think I want it known to others.”
“Secrets are meant to be told Kev, you got it all wrong.” AJ laughed. “You know, like promises are meant to be broken?”
“See? It’s going to get corny, but that’s what we’re doing right now. I don’t know why, but that’s what I’ve been ordered to do. Trust me, it will do you good.”
Nick started to eye the room, uneasiness creeping up in him. If this was going where he thought it would be going, he doesn’t like it one bit. “I don’t like this. I’m not sure if I’m ready to be this open.”
“What’s wrong Nick? It’s just us five. Besides, what secrets could we possibly keep that are that bad?” Kevin asked.
Nick turned to face Kevin and without a word, turned to look at Vinhorian. He knew that the strange man knew his secrets, knew how much he had tried to keep it away from them. If they find out about it now, everything will change. Everything.
“It’s going to be okay guys,” Vinhorian said, hinting it at Nick. “My intention here is to help, not to make it worst. If my people and I know that revealing something will only make it worst, we won’t reveal it.”
Brian let out a huge sigh. “Nick, you convinced me to go through this, now I’m going to say it back to you. We have to do this to the end man, it’s the only way, we made that choice.”
Nick nodded. Darn.
-
“Can we fast forward this please? We’ve seen this countless times before, what’s there left?” Nick sighed as all five of them watched themselves on TRL, AJ not included. He remembered feeling the drag to have to appear on TRL and talked about AJ. He remembered still thinking that he wished to be given at least a few days to accept the fact that AJ was in rehab before breaking the news to everyone else. It was a day he would like to forget.
“Yeah, I’ve got it on tape myself. Those are bad memories, I don’t wish to remember it.” AJ agreed.
Kevin turned towards Vinhorian the very moment when Carson asked about Nick’s hand. It was a necessary lie, so they hadn’t been truly honest in actual fact and he hated that feeling. “Is there something we should look out for Vin?”
Vinhorian nodded and turned to face all five men who were looking back at him expectantly. “I need you to close your eyes and trust me on this.” All Vinhorian got in return were five confused looking men. He closed his eyes, wondering how he could explain it better and not sound like a weirdo. When he opened his eyes again, he caught Nick’s eyes shifting back and forth, watching their past self struggling to answer Carson’s questions about AJ. Brian was looking at Nick discreetly while Howie was looking at himself explaining to Carson what actually happened to AJ. Kevin was the only one still looking at him, expecting a much better explanation.
“I can’t explain it any better without sounding like I’m high on something. Just trust me and close your eyes, you will feel some things that you’ve never felt before, don’t be afraid, open up to them and you’ll understand why.”
“Well,” Brian sighed, tearing his eyes away from Nick. “We’ve come this far.” He closed his eyes and immediately, Baylee’s smiling face greeted him, and then a flash of Leighanne. For that split second, he wanted to give it all up, wished that he had not agreed to go on this weird trip. All he ever wanted was to be back with his family. It was wrong to leave your wife alone when she’s pregnant. God, she was in her two months and nobody knew…
His heart felt heavy suddenly. No, no way was he ever going to think about that again. It was a mistake, true, but that was in the past, they’re happy now, they have Baylee. But God, it couldn’t have been worst timing than that…it felt like his life was crumbling down. The critics were slamming Black & Blue, everyone seemed to blame him for his supposed ‘fell out’ with Nick and he still couldn’t forgive himself for what happened with Leighanne and now, AJ was in rehab. It was too heavy for him to bear, he wished he could tell someone but he couldn’t. It was his own cross to bear, he shouldn’t really bore others with it.
He counted silently up to ten, willed for his mind to concentrate on something else. Soon, the buzz left his ears, Carson’s demanding questions left, the fans’ cries dissipated and he could no longer hear any of the guys talking on TRL. There was a weird tingling sensation on the pit of his stomach before he felt it. A whole new wave of emotions he knew wasn’t his but had somehow taken over in his body and mind.
He could instantly relate to the sadness this person was having, the desperation of wishing to tell someone about it but he was still unsure what was it that this person wanted so desperately to tell. Subconsciously, he leaned deeper into the couch, wondering when was it that he had actually sat down. He thought they were all standing up? Well, except for AJ, who had dozed off while transporting out of AJ’s future house. Nevertheless, he couldn’t care much, the tension slowly eased away and he tried to break through his murky thoughts and hope to reach out to this person again, to understand his depression.
He thought he saw Pollyanna smiling at him and then disappeared. Next came Mrs. Dorough’s voice- that was weird.
“Are you coming back son?” She asked and Brian wondered if he should say something. The emotions of this person said that he was torn between two commitments.
“I can’t promise you anything mom, I will try my best.” Brian frowned, he thought he heard Howie.
“I hope you can make it, we’re making this year special, I want you to be there or it’s not complete.”
Brian knew he was about to cry but held it in. It was too heavy for him to handle. He thought he had it under control, to separate what’s personal and what’s work. Now, he doesn’t know anymore. Commitment to the Backstreet Boys goes way beyond just the five of them, they had the management to please, the sponsors to deal with, and to make sure that he hold to his end of the deal. And then there was the fear of letting his family down, knowing that they needed him as much and he couldn’t be there when it mattered the most.
Brian’s eyes almost flew open but he gasped instead. Oh God, he just felt Howie’s emotions in him!
He wanted so much to get out of the ‘trance’ then, to open his eyes and demanded Howie to explain himself. What was that telephone conversation all about? How come he never knew of it? Why was he torn between the group and his family? Wasn’t everything going well as Howie said it was? But hard as he tried, he couldn’t let go of the grip. He knew he was in to more surprise. His only fear then was, was he ready to feel it all?
-
AJ frowned and felt himself shifted in his seat. What the hell was that all about? First he thought he was Brian, feeling all of his emotions and leaving him with the suspicion that Brian had been keeping a secret from all of them. And then he felt himself being Howie. He knew this instantly when he saw Pollyanna’s face. And it felt like Howie too, was keeping secrets from them. What was going on?
He wanted out. He wanted so much for his eyes to open and start questioning everyone. It was just not fair that he had spilled his guts and had to swallow back the embarrassment of having it publicised to the world when Brian and Howie had been keeping their secrets to themselves.
“It’s going to be okay Kris.”
AJ almost jumped out of his seat at the sound of Kevin’s voice breaking through his thoughts. It felt like it was him who was talking but he knew it belonged to Kevin. That this familiar melancholy sadness he was experiencing wasn’t because of his grandmother’s death or the fact that he had let alcohol control his life and drove away his fiancee Amanda from him; it was still sadness but it belonged to Kevin.
There were a million and one thoughts muddling in his mind now. AJ had always wondered how Kevin handled everything so well, now, he wasn’t too sure if the older man had even handled it perfect. A second, he would be thinking about the album and how JIVE was going against all their promises and the next, he was thinking about what he was going to do with AJ and Nick. He seemed to be worried a whole lot about them the most. And then randomly, he would catch his thoughts thinking about how he had find something amiss about Howie and Brian too. But all those were shelved when the sudden image of Kristin came up.
“It’s never going to be okay Kevin.”
“We still have each other.”
AJ doesn’t quite understand what was going on but he felt Kevin desperately wanting to convince his wife about something that even Kevin himself had doubts of. Everyone who had looked at Kevin and Kristin would always be left in awe by their affection and commitment with each other. AJ could never stay in a relationship that long and not screwed it up but Kevin and Kristin, they’re perfect for each other. And now, he felt like there was something more than meets the eye.
-
Kevin felt like throwing himself against the wall even though the simple act of opening his eyes and cutting all connections to whatever Vinhorian was putting on him felt like an impossible task. Of all the secrets that he had kept, why was this brought up? This was about helping them as a group, it has nothing to do with whatever was going on with him and his wife! What does Vin meant when he said his ‘people’ would only reveal secrets that will help them? This wasn’t helping at all!
Kevin felt violated and from the vibe he was getting right then, he knew that at least Brian and Howie were feeling the same way. Nick felt nervous and sick while AJ was downright furious. He wanted to stop everything now, wanted to go over to AJ and ask him why the vent up frustration? He definitely wanted to ask Brian and Howie about what he had just seen and heard about them and of course, asking Nick why was he feeling so sick?
He didn’t need to wait that long to ask Nick though, because he felt that tingling sensation on the pit of his stomach and the very strong presence of Nick Carter himself.
Kevin didn’t know Nick had so much insecurities about himself. He was never like that, in fact, Nick had, most of the time, been the most positive thinking people he had ever met. From the way he perform on stage right down to how he looks. He never really did care much what people say although sometimes, when he did let it get into his head, the outcome would turn disastrous. Right now, he was feeling the latter.
Kevin found himself, or rather Nick, in a doctor’s office. From the way he was feeling, he knew that Nick was down with fever and probably cold. It doesn’t really matter though, because all he could think of right then was, Nick was feeling like crap and on the brink of giving up. Kevin felt himself pushing further, fighting with the blocks that Nick was putting up for himself. What was it that Nick wanted to give up, he needed to know.
“I’ve stopped using it almost three years now, don’t tell me it has got something to do with it.”
Kevin’s first reaction was - drugs. He knew Nick had, at least once, experimented on those things but he had also quickly and painfully learn that it brings nothing good and had never touch anything more than advils to cure the headaches away.
“You have to understand Mr. Carter, that this side effect is a life long ordeal you have to face. I advise you to take a long rest, if you continue at the speed you’re going right now, the next time I see you will be in your deathbed.”
Kevin felt himself being pulled away from Nick. Little by little, he lost his connection with all of them, slowly finding his way back to being himself. It felt empty then, to be left alone again, to not be able to feel a part of all of them in him. Even AJ, whom he had not get a one on one connection with, was there and he felt his frustration only growing stronger.
What was wrong with all of them, Kevin didn’t know. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to find them all out, especially when he knew that they would be wanting the same thing out of him. He decided that the last thing he could is to put his trust on Vinhorian Alni, knowing that the moment he open his eyes and face the guys again, things will be different.
