Chapter Nine: (Snogging Time!)

“And the title of this chapter is The Writing on the Wall,” James announced.

“Haven’t we already read the part that tells us what was written on the wall?” Sirius asked.

“Yes, now shut up.”

“Why does everyone pick on me?”

“No particular reason. You just make it so easy on us is all.”

“It’s not fair!” Sirius whined, pouting to Remus in hopes of getting some sympathy. Remus only pulled Sirius into a hug.

“It’s all right, Love, it’s all right.”

Sirius continued pouting, and everyone else laughed at him.

“Anyway,” James snickered, “I’ll just start reading, okay?”

"What's going on here? What's going on?" Attracted no doubt by Malfoy's shout, Argus Filch came shouldering his way through the crowd. Then he saw Mrs. Norris and fell back, clutching his face in horror.

"My cat! My cat! What's happened to Mrs. Norris?" he shrieked.

And his popping eyes fell on Harry.

Sirius- Because, hey, nobody besides him would’ve done such a horrible thing, right?

James- Personally, I think Malfoy’s a better target.

Draco- ::glares at James::

Remus- Except for the fact that he’s not anywhere near the cat.

James- But that’s totally besides the point.

"You!" he screeched. "You! You've murdered my cat! You've killed her! I'll kill you! I'll—"

"Argus!"

Dumbledore had arrived on the scene, followed by a number of other teachers. In seconds, he had swept past Harry, Ron, and Hermione and detached Mrs. Norris from the torch bracket.

"Come with me, Argus," he said to Filch. "You, too, Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley, Miss Granger."

Lockhart stepped forward eagerly.

"My office is nearest, Headmaster—just upstairs—please feel free—"

"Thank you, Gilderoy," said Dumbledore.

The silent crowd parted to let them pass. Lockhart, looking excited and important, hurried after Dumbledore; so did Professors McGonagall and Snape.

Sirius- ::frowns:: Why’s Snape there?

James- To get Harry in trouble, of course.

Draco- ::smirks::

As they entered Lockhart's darkened office there was a flurry of movement across the walls; Harry saw several of the Lockharts in the pictures dodging out of sight, their hair in rollers.

All- ::snicker::

The real Lockhart lit the candles on his desk and stood back. Dumbledore lay Mrs. Norris on the polished surface and began to examine her. Harry, Ron, and Hermione exchanged tense looks and sank into chairs outside the pool of candlelight, watching.

The tip of Dumbledore's long, crooked nose was barely an inch from Mrs. Norris's fur. He was looking at her closely through his half-moon spectacles, his long fingers gently prodding and poking. Professor McGonagall was bent almost as close, her eyes narrowed. Snape loomed behind them, half in shadow, wearing a most peculiar expression: It was as though he was trying hard not to smile.

James- I see even he can find the death of Mrs. Norris humorous.

Sirius- Well, even the Slytherins aren’t very fond of them, now, are they?

James- Good point.

And Lockhart was hovering around all of them, making suggestions.

"It was definitely a curse that killed her—probably the Transmogrifian Torture

          Remus- The what?

          Sirius- I don’t know. I don’t think it exists.

          Harry- Go figure.

—I've seen it used many times, so unlucky I wasn't there, I know the very countercurse that would have saved her…"

Lockhart's comments were punctuated by Filch's dry, racking sobs. He was slumped in a chair by the desk, unable to look at Mrs. Norris, his face in his hands. Much as he detested Filch, Harry couldn't help feeling a bit sorry for him,

          James- ::raises an eyebrow::

          Harry- Oh, shut up.

          James- Didn’t say a thing.

          Harry- No, but you were about to. I’d prefer it if you didn’t.

          Sirius/Remus- ::snicker::

          Lily/Draco- ::roll their eyes::

 though not nearly as sorry as he felt for himself. If Dumbledore believed Filch, he would be expelled for sure.

Dumbledore was now muttering strange words under his breath and tapping Mrs. Norris with his wand but nothing happened: She continued to look as though she had been recently stuffed.

"…I remember something very similar happening in Ouagadogou," said Lockhart, "a series of attacks, the full story's in my autobiography, I was able to provide the townsfolk with various amulets, which cleared the matter up at once…."

The photographs of Lockhart on the walls were all nodding in agreement as he talked. One of them had forgotten to remove his hairnet.

Sirius/James/Remus/Peter- ::snicker::

At last Dumbledore straightened up.

"She's not dead, Argus," he said softly.

Sirius- She isn’t?

James- Damn!

Lockhart stopped abruptly in the middle of counting the number of murders he had prevented.

Remus- ::snicker::

"Not dead?" choked Filch, looking through his fingers at Mrs. Norris. "But why's she all—all stiff and frozen?"

"She has been Petrified," said Dumbledore ("Ah! I thought so!" said Lockhart).

          Sirius- Idiot.

 "But how, I cannot say…."

"Ask him!" shrieked Filch, turning his blotched and tearstained face to Harry.

"No second year could have done this," said Dumbledore firmly. "It would take Dark Magic of the most advanced—"

"He did it, he did it!" Filch spat, his pouchy face purpling. "You saw what he wrote on the wall! He found—in my office—he knows I'm a—I'm a—" Filch's face worked horribly. "He knows I'm a Squib!" he finished.

"I never touched Mrs. Norris!" Harry said loudly, uncomfortably aware of everyone looking at him, including all the Lockharts on the walls. "And I don't even know what a Squib is."

"Rubbish!" snarled Filch. "He saw my Kwikspell letter!"

"If I might speak, Headmaster," said Snape

          Sirius- Shit.

          Draco- ::smirks::

          Sirius- ::glares at Draco::

 from the shadows, and Harry's sense of foreboding increased; he was sure nothing Snape had to say was going to do him any good.

"Potter and his friends may have simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time,"

          Sirius- ::starts choking:: What?

          James- Yeah, my thought exactly.

          Harry- Just keep reading.

 he said, a slight sneer curling his mouth as though he doubted it.

          Sirius/James- Ah.

          Remus- Duh.

          Sirius/James- ::smack Remus::

 "But we do have a set of suspicious circumstances here. Why was he in the upstairs corridor at all? Why wasn't he at the Halloween feast?"

Harry, Ron and Hermione all launched into an explanation about the deathday party. "…there were hundreds of ghosts, they’ll tell you we were there—"

"But why not join the feast afterward?" said Snape, his black eyes glittering in the candlelight. "Why go up to that corridor?"

Ron and Hermione looked at Harry.

"Because—because—" Harry said, his heart thumping very fast; something told him it would sound very far-fetched if he told them he had been led there by a bodiless voice no one but he could hear,

          Peter- (sarcastically) Gee, I wonder why.

          Harry- ::glares at Peter::

 "because we were tired and wanted to go to bed," he said.

"Without any supper?" said Snape, a triumphant smile flickering across his gaunt face. "I didn't think ghosts provided food fit for living people at their parties."

"We weren't hungry," said Ron loudly as his stomach gave a huge rumble.

Snape's nasty smile widened.

"I suggest, Headmaster, that Potter is not being entirely truthful," he said. "It might be a good idea if he were deprived of certain privileges until he is ready to tell us the whole story. I personally feel he should be taken off the Gryffindor Quidditch team

          All but Harry/Draco- Hey!

 until he is ready to be honest."

"Really, Severus," said Professor McGonagall sharply, "I see no reason to stop the boy playing Quidditch. This cat wasn't hit over the head with a broomstick. There is no evidence at all that Potter has done anything wrong."

Sirius- I never thought I’d hear myself say this, but… Woo! Go McGonagall!

Dumbledore was giving Harry a searching look. His twinkling light-blue gaze made Harry feel as though he were being X-rayed.

"Innocent until proven guilty, Severus," he said firmly.

Snape looked furious. So did Filch.

"My cat has been Petrified!" he shrieked, his eyes popping. "I want to see some punishment!"

"We will be able to cure her, Argus," said Dumbledore patiently. "Professer Sprout recently managed to procure some Mandrakes. As soon as they have reached their full size, I will have a potion made that will revive Mrs. Norris."

"I'll make it," Lockhart butted in. "I must have done it a hundred times. I could whip up a Mandrake Restorative Draught in my sleep—"

Sirius/James/Remus- Not.

"Excuse me," said Snape icily. "But I believe I am the Potions master at this school."

There was a very awkward pause.

"You may go," Dumbledore said to Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

They went, as quickly as they could without actually running. When they were a floor up from Lockhart's office, they turned into an empty classroom and closed the door quietly behind them. Harry squinted at his friends' darkened faces.

"D'you think I should have told them about that voice I heard?"

All but Harry/Draco- No.

"No," said Ron, without hesitation. "Hearing voices no one else can hear isn't a good sign, even in the wizarding world."

Something in Ron's voice made Harry ask, "You do believe me, don't you?"

"'Course I do," said Ron quickly. "But—you must admit it's weird….”

"I know it's weird," said Harry. "The whole thing's weird. What was that writing on the wall about? The Chamber Has Been Opened…. What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know, it rings a sort of bell," said Ron slowly. "I think someone told me a story about a secret chamber at Hogwarts once…might've been Bill…."

"And what on earth's a Squib?" said Harry.

To his surprise, Ron stifled a snigger.

"Well—it's not funny really—but as it's Filch,” he said. "A Squib is someone who was born into a wizarding family but hasn't got any magic powers. Kind of the opposite of Muggle-born wizards, but Squibs are quite unusual. If Filch's trying to learn magic from a Kwikspell course, I reckon he must be a Squib. It would explain a lot. Like why he hates students so much." Ron gave a satisfied smile. "He's bitter."

A clock chimed somewhere.

"Midnight," said Harry. "We'd better get to bed before Snape comes along and tries to frame us for something else."

James- Best idea I’ve heard in a long time.

For a few days, the school could talk of little else but the attack on Mrs. Norris. Filch kept it fresh in everyone's minds by pacing the spot where she had been attacked, as though he thought the attacker might come back. Harry had seen him scrubbing the message on the wall with Mrs. Skower's All-Purpose Magical Mess Remover, but to no effect; the words still gleamed as brightly as ever on the stone. When Filch wasn't guarding the scene of the crime, he was skulking red-eyed through the corridors, lunging out at unsuspecting students and trying to put them in detention for things like "breathing loudly' and "looking happy."

Sirius- ::snickers::

Ginny Weasley seemed very disturbed by Mrs. Norris's fate.

          All but Draco- Why?

 According to Ron, she was a great cat lover.

          Sirius/Remus- Again, why?

          Lily- I like cats.

          Sirius/Remus- What is it with girls and cats, anyway?

          James- You mean, other than the fact cats are just like them? Nothing.

          Lily- ::glares at James/Sirius/Remus::

"But you haven't really got to know Mrs. Norris," Ron told her bracingly. "Honestly, we're much better off without her." Ginny's lip trembled. "Stuff like this doesn't often happen at Hogwarts," Ron assured her. "They'll catch the maniac who did it and have him out of here in no time. I just hope he's got time to Petrify Filch before he's expelled.

          Sirius/James/Remus- ::snicker::

 I'm only joking—" Ron added hastily as Ginny blanched.

The attack had also had an effect on Hermione. It was quite usual for Hermione to spend a lot of time reading, but she was now doing almost nothing else. Nor could Harry and Ron get much response from her when they asked what she was up to, and not until the following Wednesday did they find out.

Harry had been held back in Potions, where Snape had made him stay behind to scrape tubeworms off the desks.

          Lily- Ew.

 After a hurried lunch, he went upstairs to meet Ron in the library, and saw Justin Finch-Fletchley, the Hufflepuff boy from Herbology, coming toward him. Harry had just opened his mouth to say hello when Justin caught sight of him, turned abruptly, and sped off in the opposite direction.

          Sirius- Huh?

          James/Remus- ::shrug::

Harry found Ron at the back of the library, measuring his History of Magic homework. Professor Binns had asked for a threefoot-long composition on "The Medieval Assembly of European Wizards."

Sirius- I hate Binns.

Remus- Don’t we all?

"I don't believe it, I'm still eight inches short," said Ron furiously, letting go of his parchment, which sprang back into a roll. "And Hermione's done four feet seven inches and her writing's tiny."

"Where is she?" asked Harry, grabbing the tape measure and unrolling his own homework.

"Somewhere over there," said Ron, pointing along the shelves. "Looking for another book. I think she's trying to read the whole library before Christmas."

James- Is that possible?

Remus- I don’t think so.

Harry told Ron about Justin Finch-Fletchley running away from him.

"Dunno why you care. I thought he was a bit of an idiot," said Ron, scribbling away, making his writing as large as possible. "All that junk about Lockhart being so great—"

Hermione emerged from between the bookshelves. She looked irritable and at last seemed ready to talk to them.

"All the copies of Hogwarts, A History have been taken out," she said, sitting down next to Harry and Ron. "And there's a two-week waiting list. I wish I hadn't left my copy at home, but I couldn't fit it in my trunk with all the Lockhart books."

"Why do you want it?" said Harry.

"The same reason everyone else wants it," said Hermione, "to read up on the legend of the Chamber of Secrets."

"What's that?" said Harry quickly.

"That's just it. I can't remember," said Hermione, biting her lip. "And I can't find the story anywhere else—"

"Hermione, let me read your composition," said Ron desperately, checking his watch.

"No, I won't," said Hermione, suddenly severe. "You've had ten days to finish it—"

"I only need another two inches, come on—"

The bell rang. Ron and Hermione led the way to History of Magic, bickering.

Harry- Like usual.

James- When do they get together?

Harry- Well, they haven’t. Not yet, at least.

History of Magic was the dullest subject on their schedule. Professor Binns, who taught it, was their only ghost teacher, and the most exciting thing that ever happened in his classes was his entering the room through the blackboard. Ancient and shriveled, many people said he hadn't noticed he was dead. He had simply got up to teach one day and left his body behind him in an armchair in front of the staff room fire; his routine had not varied in the slightest since.

Today was as boring as ever. Professor Binns opened his notes and began to read in a flat drone like an old vacuum cleaner until nearly everyone in the class was in a deep stupor, occasionally coming to long enough to copy down a name or date, then falling asleep again. He had been speaking for half an hour when something happened that had never happened before. Hermione put up her hand.

Remus- (sings) It’s the end of the world—

Sirius/James- Oh, not that again!

Remus- —as we know it, it’s the end—

Sirius- ::growls, grabs hold of the front of Remus’ shirt, and snogs him::

Remus- Hmph! …Mmm…

James- Oh no…. Guys! Hey, guys!

Sirius/Remus- ::continue snogging::

James- Guys, come on! Stop it! I can’t read the book with you two sitting there doing that!

Lily- ::starts giggling hysterically::

Peter- ::blushes and looks away::

Draco- ::rolls his eyes, glances at Harry, and returns to staring out the window::

Harry- ::grins and rolls his eyes::

(A few minutes later)

Sirius/Remus- ::pull apart::

James- Well, it’s about damn time.

Sirius- ::grins happily:: Finally! I got my kiss!

Remus- ::grins sheepishly:: Sorry, James. Guess we got a little carried away.

Others- ::roll their eyes::

James- Please, don’t do that again. It’s so…weird. Well, at least, if you are going to do that, could you not do it on my bed?

Remus- Sure, we’ll do it on Sirius’ next time.

Sirius- ::continues grinning:: You…uh…might want to get back to the book James.

James- ::rolls his eyes:: Right. I’ll do that.

Professor Binns, glancing up in the middle of a deadly dull lecture on the International Warlock Convention of 1289, looked amazed.

Lily- We were rather amazed too.

James- Especially after Remus and Sirius started snogging on my bed. ::glares at the two of them::

Remus/Sirius- ::grin::

"Miss—er—?"

"Granger, Professor. I was wondering if you could tell us anything about the Chamber of Secrets," said Hermione in a clear voice.

Dean Thomas, who had been sitting with his mouth hanging open, gazing out of the window, jerked out of his trance; Lavender Brown's head came up off her arms and Neville Longbottom's elbow slipped off his desk.

Professor Binns blinked.

"My subject is History of Magic," he said in his dry, wheezy voice. "I deal with facts, Miss Granger, not myths and legends."

          Sirius- But myths and legends are based off facts….

 He cleared his throat with a small noise like chalk snapping and continued, "In September of that year, a subcommittee of Sardinian sorcerers…"

He stuttered to a halt. Hermione's hand was waving in the air again.

"Miss Grant?"

Lily- Granger.

Others- …

Lily- …Oops. Sorry.

"Please, sir, don't legends always have a basis in fact?"

Professor Binns was looking at her in such amazement, Harry was sure no student had ever interrupted him before, alive or dead.

Sirius- I don’t think they have.

Remus- Not that we know of, at least.

"Well," said Professor Binns slowly, "yes, one could argue that, I suppose." He peered at Hermione as though he had never seen a student properly before. "However, the legend of which you speak is such a very sensational, even ludicrous tale—"

James- That it’s naturally gonna end up true, right?

But the whole class was now hanging on Professor Binns's every word. He looked dimly at them all, every face turned to his. Harry could tell he was completely thrown by such an unusual show of interest.

"Oh, very well," he said slowly. "Let me see…the Chamber of Secrets…

"You all know, of course, that Hogwarts was founded over a thousand years ago—the precise date is uncertain—by the four greatest witches and wizards of the age. The four school Houses are named after them: Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff, Rowena Ravenclaw, and Salazar Slytherin. They built this castle together, far from prying Muggle eyes, for it was an age when magic was feared by common people, and witches and wizards suffered much persecution."

Sirius- Yes, yes, we know. Keep it moving, old man.

He paused, gazed blearily around the room, and continued.

"For a few years, the founders worked in harmony together, seeking out youngsters who showed signs of magic and bringing them to the castle to be educated. But then disagreements sprang up between them. A rift began to grow between Slytherin and the others. Slytherin wished to be more selective about the students admitted to Hogwarts. He believed that magical learning should be kept within all-magic families. He disliked taking students of Muggle parentage, believing them to be untrustworthy.

          Sirius- Untrustworthy? How?

          Remus- Muggles weren’t supposed to know about wizards even back then, and Muggle-born wizards could tell all their Muggle friends and relatives about the wizards. Though they probably wouldn’t be believed, if it was found out, it could lead to an all-out war between magic and non-magic people.

          All but Remus- …

          Remus- Mind, back then magic was feared by everyone because Muggles were afraid of it because they didn’t understand it.

          Sirius- …O…kay…. I’m beginning to regret asking.

          Remus- Well, you did ask, so there’s your answer. Can we get back to the book now?

          James- Yeah, sure.

 After a while, there was a serious argument on the subject between Slytherin and Gryffindor, and Slytherin left the school."

          Sirius- Good riddance, I say.

Professor Binns paused again, pursing his lips, looking like a wrinkled old tortoise.

"Reliable historical sources tell us this much," he said. "But these honest facts have been obscured by the fanciful legend of the Chamber of Secrets. The story goes that Slytherin had built a hidden chamber in the castle, of which the other founders knew nothing.

"Slytherin, according to the legend, sealed the Chamber of Secrets so that none would be able to open it until his own true heir arrived at the school. The heir alone would be able to unseal the Chamber of Secrets, unleash the horror within, and use it to purge the school of all who were unworthy to study magic."

Lily- Uh…. Damn.

James- Yeah. ::glances at Lily:: Damn.

There was silence as he finished telling the story, but it wasn't the usual, sleepy silence that filled Professor Binns's classes. There was unease in the air as everyone continued to watch him, hoping for more. Professor Binns looked faintly annoyed.

"The whole thing is arrant nonsense, of course," he said. "Naturally, the school has been searched for evidence of such a chamber, many times, by the most learned witches and wizards. It does not exist. A tale told to frighten the gullible."

Hermione's hand was back in the air.

"Sir—what exactly do you mean by the `horror within' the Chamber?"

"That is believed to be some sort of monster, which the Heir of Slytherin alone can control," said Professor Binns in his dry, reedy voice.

The class exchanged nervous looks.

"I tell you, the thing does not exist," said Professor Binns, shuffling his notes. "There is no Chamber and no monster."

"But, sir," said Seamus Finnigan, "if the Chamber can only be opened by Slytherin's true heir, no one else would be able to find it, would they?"

Sirius- Probably have to be a Parselmouth.

James- What makes you say that?

Sirius- Well, Dumbledore isn’t a Parselmouth, and most Parselmouths tend to be evil, so they probably wouldn’t have tried to find it. So, if it only opens if you tell it to open in Parseltongue, just about nobody would be able to open it.

James- …Oh. Right.

Sirius- ::smirks:: See? I told you I make sense.

James- Oh, shut up.

"Nonsense, O'Flaherty," said Professor Binns in an aggravated tone. "If a long succession of Hogwarts headmasters and headmistresses haven't found the thing—"

"But, Professor," piped up Parvati Patil, "you'd probably have to use Dark Magic to open it—"

"Just because a wizard doesn't use Dark Magic doesn't mean he can't, Miss Pennyfeather," snapped Professor Binns. "I repeat, if the likes of Dumbledore—"

"But maybe you've got to be related to Slytherin, so Dumbledore couldn't—" began Dean Thomas, but Professor Binns had had enough.

"That will do," he said sharply. "It is a myth! It does not exist! There is not a shred of evidence that Slytherin ever built so much as a secret broom cupboard! I regret telling you such a foolish story! We will return, if you please, to history, to solid, believable, verifiable fact!"

And within five minutes, the class had sunk back into its usual torpor.

Remus- Duh.

 

"I always knew Salazar Slytherin was a twisted old loony," Ron told Harry and Hermione as they fought their way through the teeming corridors at the end of the lesson to drop off their bags before dinner. "But I never knew he started all this pure-blood stuff. I wouldn't be in his house if you paid me. Honestly, if the Sorting Hat had tried to put me in Slytherin, I'd've got the train straight back home…"

All but Harry/Draco- ::glance at Harry::

Draco- (had turned to watch the Gryffindors instead of looking out the window) ::looks confused::

Harry- What? Don’t look at me like that!

Hermione nodded fervently, but Harry didn't say anything. His stomach had just dropped unpleasantly.

Harry- ::groans:: Oh no…. Can we kick Malfoy out for this one?

James- Sorry, Harry, no. My mum’ll be furious.

Harry- Damn! ::glares furiously at Draco::

Draco- ::continues looking (adorably!) confused::

Harry had never told Ron and Hermione that the Sorting Hat had seriously considered putting him in Slytherin.

          Draco- ::eyes widen in surprise::

 He could remember, as though it were yesterday, the small voice that had spoken in his ear when he'd placed the hat on his head a year before: You could be great, you know, it's all here in your head, and Slytherin would help you on the way to greatness, no doubt about that….

          Draco- ::starts laughing hysterically:: Oh, that—that’s just great! The great Harry Potter, a Slytherin!

          Harry- ::growls and looks about ready to leap at Draco::

          James- ::grabs hold of Harry:: Harry, no! My mum! She’ll kill me!

          Harry- ::glares furiously at Draco but sits back down::

          Draco- ::continues laughing::

          Sirius- Malfoy, if you don’t shut up pretty damn fast….

          Draco- ::tries to stop laughing, but can’t::

          Sirius- ::growls::

          James- Just leave him be, Siri. I don’t want my mum to find out.

          Sirius- ::glares furiously at Draco too::

But Harry, who had already heard of Slytherin House's reputation for turning out Dark wizards, had thought desperately, Not Slytherin! and the hat had said, Oh, well, if you're sure…better be Gryffindor….

As they were shunted along in the throng, Colin Creevy went past.

"Hiya, Harry!"

"Hullo, Colin," said Harry automatically.

"Harry—Harry—a boy in my class has been saying you're..."

But Colin was so small he couldn't fight against the tide of people bearing him toward the Great Hall; they heard him squeak, "See you, Harry!" and he was gone.

"What's a boy in his class saying about you?" Hermione wondered.

"That I'm Slytherin's heir, I expect," said Harry, his stomach dropping another inch or so as he suddenly remembered the way Justin Finch-Fletchley had run away from him at lunchtime.

"People here'll believe anything," said Ron in disgust.

The crowd thinned and they were able to climb the next staircase without difficulty.

"D'you really think there's a Chamber of Secrets?" Ron asked Hermione.

"I don't know," she said, frowning. "Dumbledore couldn't cure Mrs. Norris, and that makes me think that whatever attacked her might not be—well—human."

As she spoke, they turned a corner and found themselves at the end of the very corridor where the attack had happened. They stopped and looked. The scene was just as it had been that night, except that there was no stiff cat hanging from the torch bracket, and an empty chair stood against the wall bearing the message "The Chamber of Secrets has been Opened."

"That's where Filch has been keeping guard," Ron muttered.

They looked at each other. The corridor was deserted.

"Can't hurt to have a poke around," said Harry, dropping his bag and getting to his hands and knees so that he could crawl along, searching for clues.

"Scorch marks!" he said. "Here—and here—"

Sirius- Scorch marks? ::looks abnormally cheerful:: Dragons?

James- ::groans:: Sirius, shut up.

Sirius- ::pouts::

"Come and look at this!" said Hermione. "This is funny…."

Harry got up and crossed to the window next to the message on the wall. Hermione was pointing at the topmost pane, where around twenty spiders were scuttling, apparently fighting to get through a small crack. A long, silvery thread was dangling like a rope, as though they had all climbed it in their hurry to get outside.

"Have you ever seen spiders act like that?" said Hermione wonderingly.

"No," said Harry, "have you, Ron? Ron?"

James- Ron? What’s up with Ron?

He looked over his shoulder. Ron was standing well back and seemed to be fighting the impulse to run.

"What's up?" said Harry.

"I—don't—like—spiders," said Ron tensely.

"I never knew that," said Hermione, looking at Ron in surprise. "You've used spiders in Potions loads of times…."

"I don't mind them dead," said Ron, who was carefully looking anywhere but at the window. "I just don't like the way they move…."

All but Harry- ::snicker::

Hermione giggled.

"It's not funny,"

          Sirius- No, it’s hilarious.

 said Ron, fiercely. "If you must know, when I was three, Fred turned my—my teddy bear into a great big fiIthy spider because I broke his toy broomstick…. You wouldn't like them either if you'd been holding your bear and suddenly it had too many legs and…"

He broke off, shuddering. Hermione was obviously still trying not to laugh. Feeling they had better get off the subject, Harry said, "Remember all that water on the floor? Where did that come from? Someone's mopped it up."

"It was about here," said Ron, recovering himself to walk a few paces past Filch's chair and pointing. "Level with this door."

He reached for the brass doorknob but suddenly withdrew his hand as though he'd been burned.

Sirius- Dragon!

James- ::smacks Sirius:: Shut up, already! There’s no dragon!

Sirius- ::sticks his tongue out at James::

"What's the matter?" said Harry.

"Can't go in there," said Ron gruffly. "That's a girls' toilet."

"Oh, Ron, there won't be anyone in there," said Hermione, standing up and coming over. "That's Moaning Myrtle's place. Come on, let's have a look."

And ignoring the large OUT OF ORDER sign, she opened the door.

It was the gloomiest, most depressing bathroom Harry had ever set foot in. Under a large, cracked, and spotted mirror were a row of chipped sinks. The floor was damp and reflected the dull light given off by the stubs of a few candles, burning low in their holders; the wooden doors to the stalls were flaking and scratched and one of them was dangling off its hinges.

Sirius- Cheerful place, that one.

Hermione put her fingers to her lips and set off toward the end stall. When she reached it she said, "Hello, Myrtle, how are you?"

Harry and Ron went to look. Moaning Myrtle was floating above the tank of the toilet, picking a spot on her chin.

Lily- Ew….

"This is a girls' bathroom," she said, eyeing Ron and Harry suspiciously. "They're not girls."

Sirius- ::smirks:: James is.

James- ::smacks Sirius:: That isn’t funny, Sirius!

Sirius- ::snickers:: Just because you haven’t gotten me back yet….

James- ::glares at Sirius, growling:: I. Hate. You.

Sirius- ::grins:: Love you too, Sweetheart.

Remus- ::pouts:: I thought you loved me?

Sirius- Aww, sorry Rem. ‘Course I do. ::grins again::

James- Don’t you dare start that again, Sirius.

Sirius- ::pouts:: You’re no fun.

James- ::rolls his eyes:: I’ll just get back to the book, shall I?

Sirius- Sure thing, Miss Potter.

James- ::leaps at Sirius::

Sirius- ::screams like a girl and tries to run from him::

James- ::grabs Sirius’ leg::

Peter- ::jumps up and grabs the book as the two begin to fight::

Remus- …Does anyone else have the strangest feeling of déjà vu?

Lily- James is really touchy about that girl subject, isn’t he?

Peter- I think it was because Lockhart hit on him.

Lily- ::snickers:: He was like that for a week, wasn’t he?

Remus- Yeah. Then the potion was finished, and our amusement was gone.

Harry- Are they done yet?

Remus- Um…I think about three more minutes and Sirius will win.

Lily- No way, James’ll win this time.

Remus- I doubt it. What do you think, Harry?

Harry- Uh…Nothing, really. I mean, I don’t really care who wins.

Remus- I see.

Draco- ::gets out of his chair and backs away toward the bed right before James and Sirius slam into the chair and break it:: Gryffindors….

(A few minutes later….)

James- ::sits on Sirius’ chest:: Woo! I won!

Sirius- Damn! … ::smirks::

James- …Siri, don’t look at me like that….

Sirius- ::smirks wider:: Aw, aren’t you just the cutest thing when you win? ::pulls James down and presses their lips together for a second::

James- ::jerks back and stands up, backing away from Sirius:: Ugh! Sirius! That’s gross! ::wipes his mouth on the back of his hand::

Sirius- ::snickers:: Always wondered how you’d react if I did that. ::bounces up and sits back next to Remus::

Remus- ::pouts at Sirius:: You’re only supposed to snog me, Siri! I’m hurt! ::sniffs fakely::

Sirius- ::snickers:: I’m sorry, Rem. Would you like me to make it up to you?

Remus- ::grins::

James- Don’t you two dare!

Sirius/Remus- ::pout::

James- ::sits back on the bed, as far away from Sirius as he can:: Ugh.

Lily- ::pats James’ back, giggling hysterically::

Peter- ::gives the book back to James:: Here.

Draco- Great. Now where will I sit?

James- Sirius’ bed.

Sirius- No! Not my bed!

James- Why not? It’s not like you’ll be sleeping in it much longer.

Sirius- Uh…good point. Go ahead.

Draco- ::frowns and sits on the edge of the bed::

Sirius- You could always stand, you know.

Draco- ::glares at Sirius::

Sirius- ::glares back::

Remus/James- ::snicker::

"No," Hermione agreed. "I just wanted to show them how er—nice it is in here."

Sirius- Lovely, my dear, absolutely gorgeous.

She waved vaguely at the dirty old mirror and the damp floor.

"Ask her if she saw anything," Harry mouthed at Hermione.

"What are you whispering?" said Myrtle, staring at him.

Sirius- ::snickers::

Harry- What?

Sirius- Nothing.

"Nothing," said Harry quickly. "We wanted to ask—"

"I wish people would stop talking behind my back!" said Myrtle, in a voice choked with tears. "I do have feelings, you know, even if I am dead—"

"Myrtle, no one wants to upset you," said Hermione. "Harry only—"

"No one wants to upset me! That's a good one!" howled Myrtle. "My life was nothing but misery at this place and now people come along ruining my death!"

Harry- (grumbles) Well, sorry for existing.

James/Remus/Sirius/Peter- ::snicker::

"We wanted to ask you if you've seen anything funny lately," said Hermione quickly. "Because a cat was attacked right outside your front door on Halloween."

"Did you see anyone near here that night?" said Harry.

"I wasn't paying attention," said Myrtle dramatically. "Peeves upset me so much I came in here and tried to kill myself. Then, of course, I remembered that I'm—that I'm…"

"Already dead," said Ron helpfully.

Myrtle gave a tragic sob, rose up in the air, turned over, and dived headfirst into the toilet, splashing water all over them and vanishing from sight, although from the direction of her muffled sobs, she had come to rest somewhere in the U-bend.

Harry and Ron stood with their mouths open, but Hermione shrugged wearily and said, "Honestly, that was almost cheerful for Myrtle…. Come on, let's go."

Lily- I’ve seen her much worse. It’s not a pretty sight.

Harry- No kidding.

Harry had barely closed the door on Myrtle's gurgling sobs when a loud voice made all three of them jump.

"RON!"

Sirius- Ack! James, not so loud!

James- ::smirks:: Sorry, Siri….

Percy Weasley had stopped dead at the head of the stairs, prefect badge agleam, an expression of complete shock on his face.

"That's a girls' bathroom!" he gasped. "What were you—?"

Sirius- (as Ron) Snogging Hermione, why do you ask?

"Just having a look around," Ron shrugged. "Clues, you know—"

Percy swelled in a manner that reminded Harry forcefully of Mrs. Weasley.

Sirius- The bullfrog look is in, don’t you know?

James- ::rolls his eyes:: Oh, shut up.

Sirius- ::grins::

"Get—away—from—there—" Perry said, striding toward them and starting to bustle them along, flapping his arms.

          Sirius- Like a chicken.

 "Don't you care what this looks like? Coming back here while everyone's at dinner—"

"Why shouldn't we be here?" said Ron hotly, stopping short and glaring at Percy. "Listen, we never laid a finger on that cat!"

"That's what I told Ginny," said Percy fiercely, "but she still seems to think you're going to be expelled, I've never seen her so upset, crying her eyes out, you might think of her, all the first years are thoroughly overexcited by this business—"

"You don't care about Ginny," said Ron, whose ears were now reddening. "You're just worried I'm going to mess up your chances of being Head Boy—"

"Five points from Gryffindor!" Percy said tersely, fingering his prefect badge. "And I hope it teaches you a lesson! No more detective work, or I'll write to Mum!"

Sirius- Ugh. Who shoved the stick up his arse?

And he strode off, the back of his neck as red as Ron's ears.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione chose seats as far as possible from Percy in the common room that night. Ron was still in a very bad temper and kept blotting his Charms homework. When he reached absently for his wand to remove the smudges, it ignited the parchment. Fuming almost as much as his homework, Ron slammed The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 2 shut. To Harry's surprise, Hermione followed suit.

James/Peter/Sirius- Hermione?

Others- ::roll their eyes::

"Who can it be, though?" she said in a quiet voice, as though continuing a conversation they had just been having. "Who'd want to frighten all the Squibs and Muggle-borns out of Hogwarts?"

"Let's think," said Ron in mock puzzlement. "Who do we know who thinks Muggle-borns are scum?"

Sirius- Malfoy! Death to Malfoys! ::glares at Draco::

Draco- ::grumbles something under his breath::

Sirius- What was that, Malfoy?

Draco- Like I’d tell you.

He looked at Hermione. Hermione looked back, unconvinced.

"If you're talking about Malfoy—"

Remus- Well, duh.

"Of course I am!" said Ron. "You heard him—‘You'll be next, Mudbloods!'—come on, you've only got to look at his foul rat face

          Draco- ::growls:: Rat face?

          All but Draco/Peter- ::snicker::

          Peter- ::pouts:: I like rats.

          Harry- You would.

          Peter- ::pouts::

 to know it's him—"

"Malfoy, the Heir of Slytherin?" said Hermione skeptically.

"Look at his family," said Harry, closing his books, too. "The whole lot of them have been in Slytherin; he's always boasting about it. They could easily be Slytherin's descendants. His father's definitely evil enough."

“They could’ve had the key to the Chamber of Secrets for centuries!” said Ron. “Handing it down, father to son….”

Remus- Well, if Sirius’ Parselmouth theory is correct, I seriously doubt it’s the Malfoys…. Though they might have something to do with it….

Sirius- It was them. I know it was!

“Well,” said Hermione cautiously, “I suppose it’s possible….”

“But how do we prove it?” said Harry darkly.

“There might be a way,” said Hermione slowly, dropping her voice still further with a quick glance across the room at Percy. “Of course, it would be difficult. And dangerous, very dangerous. We’d be breaking about fifty school rules, I expect—”

Harry- Not that we don’t already do that on a regular basis or anything by the end of the year….

“If, in a month or so, you feel like explaining, you will let us know, won’t you?” said Ron irritably.

“All right,” said Hermione coldly. “What we’d need to do is to get inside the Slytherin common room and ask Malfoy a few questions without him realizing it’s us.”

Harry- ::smirks and glances at Draco:: This should be fun.

Others- ::look confused::

"But that's impossible," Harry said as Ron laughed.

"No, it's not," said Hermione. "All we'd need would be some Polyjuice Potion."

Remus- Some what?

Sirius- Polyjuice Potion. It makes you turn into someone else. Can’t be used with animals, though.

Remus- Oh.

"What's that?" said Ron and Harry together.

"Snape mentioned it in class a few weeks ago—"

James- Like they pay attention.

"D'you think we've got nothing better to do in Potions than listen to Snape?" muttered Ron.

"It transforms you into somebody else. Think about it! We could change into three of the Slytherins. No one would know it was us. Malfoy would probably tell us anything. He's probably boasting about it in the Slytherin common room right now, if only we could hear him."

Draco- ::grumbles under his breath again::

Sirius- Malfoy, if you’re not gonna say it so we can hear it clearly, then don’t say it!

Draco- …

"This Polyjuice stuff sounds a bit dodgy to me," said Ron, frowning. "What if we were stuck looking like three of the Slytherins forever?"

Sirius- Only lasts an hour.

Remus- How in hell do you remember this stuff? And how’d you know about it, anyway.

Sirius- Heh. Uh…Well….

Remus- …Forget it. I doubt I wanna know.

"It wears off after a while," said Hermione, waving her hand impatiently. "But getting hold of the recipe will be very difficult. Snape said it was in a book called Moste Potente Potions and it's bound to be in the Restricted Section of the library."

There was only one way to get out a book from the Restricted Section: You needed a signed note of permission from a teacher.

"Hard to see why we'd want the book, really," said Ron, "if we weren't going to try and make one of the potions."

"I think," said Hermione, "that if we made it sound as though we were just interested in the theory, we might stand a chance…."

"Oh, come on, no teacher's going to fall for that," said Ron. "They'd have to be really thick…."

Sirius- Snape!

Harry- No.

James- Lockhart then!

Harry- ::grins::

James- Ha! What an idiot that guy is! …Hey, that was the end of the chapter!

Harry- So I get to read now?

James- Yup.

Draco- ::groans:: Wonderful…

Harry- ::glares at Draco:: Shove it, Malfoy.

Draco- ::glares back at Harry but doesn’t say anything::

Harry- Right then. Ugh. Great. Of course I get this chapter, right?

James- Something wrong, Harry?

Harry- Nope. I’ll just read….

 

Voting time! Isn’t this cheerful? Okay… I was just wondering how many people would want the Draco/Harry slash during the MSTing part, as well as in the AU. If you do, I’ll consider putting in a few side stories that are set when any two characters are alone together, and I might have to make two sequels to the MSTs, for when Harry and Draco go back to their time. Just e-mail me or sign my guest book and tell me what you think. THIS IS IMPORTANT! And I’m being pushy, so…. ^-^ Sorry.

 

On a different note, there’s likely to be at least two more original characters coming up later, just so you’re warned. They are extremely important to the plot of the AU fic, so there’s no choice in the matter on your part, but I thought I’d warn you, in case you don’t like that idea. I’ve had this planned out since the first time someone asked me about canon Harry appearing, and if I change my mind now, I’ll have nothing to do. So…yeah. That’s it. Hope you liked my wonderful chappie! Sorry it’s been so long…I was a bit…preoccupied.

Chapter Ten