BLONDE JOKES !!
BIRDIE

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"
EXPOSURE

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her
right breast hanging out.
A policeman approaches her and says,
"Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging  out."
She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
RIVER WALK

There's a blonde out for a walk.
She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo," she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river, then shouts back,
"You ARE on the other side."
KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the
blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren,
the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!", the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at
night!"
THE VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can
you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she
decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom.
She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and
wrote this note: I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M.
Signed, The Blonde

She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.

The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed.

Inside the bag was the following note....  "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!"
SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license, and then today you expect me to
show it to you! "Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?...Cause it said concentrate.
FINAL EXAM

The blonde reported for her university final examination that
consists of yes/no type questions.
She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for
five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes her purse out, removes a coin, and starts tossing the coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails.
Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class
is still sweating it out. 
During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the
coin, muttering and sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I
finished the exam in half an hour, but I'm rechecking my answers."
What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?.........................Humpme Dumpme.
How can you tell a blonde has had a bad day?
She has a tampon tucked under her ear and she can't find her pencil.
What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?.......Its difficult to open the legs on an ironing board.
What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common?...............You always hear about them but never see them.
What is the mating call of a blonde?.................I am sooo drunk......
What is a blond's idea of safe sex?.............Locking the car doors.
How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?..................................The Joy Stick is wet.
A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people are leaving.
Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger:
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!
Why can't blondes get drivers licenses?...........................During the test, whenever the car stops, they jump in the back seat.
What's the difference between a blonde man and a blonde woman?..............The woman has more sperm.
What's an intelligent blonde?................A Golden Retriever
What happened to the Blonde Tap Dancer?......................She fell in the sink.

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?..................Pregnant.

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?..............Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?...........It takes too long to retrain them.
What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?...........You only have to punch information into a computer once.
A man walks into a cafe and see's a blonde lady near the counter so he walks over there to say hi..but for some reason the blonde has a £5 note on her head so the man says to the blonde, " why have you got that £5 note on your head" then the Blonde lady says "because the sign says all you can eat, under £5".
Why are blondes and Train Tracks the same ?..............Because they've both been laid all over the country.
Why do blondes use tampons with extra long strings?............So the crabs can go bungee-jumping.
What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?.........They both have a cockpit!
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?...............A wind tunnel.
Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?................ Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!