Titanic "Never Let Go" - Rose's Diary Page 4

There were a lot of crates and boxes in the room and then Jack spied the Renault. Whoever owned it certainly had good taste. We went over to inspect it more closely and Jack opened the front door. I cleared my throat to let him know there is a lady present and he opens the back door for me. Once inside, he turned to me and asked, "where to miss?" I told him the stars and pulled him into the back seat with me. We were side by side and I was kissing his fingers as he gazed into my eyes. He asked if I was nervous and I told him no.

Jack was the perfect gentleman; he did not try to force himself on me, it was only after I told him to put his hands on me, that he embraced me. Our kisses and caresses became more passionate and I sensed that our feelings towards each other were about to lead to what love eventually leads a man and a woman to do.

I shyly told Jack that I had never been with a man before. I apologized for not being experienced in these matters and he smiled, kissed me and said, Rose just trust your feelings and you will do just fine. I would never do anything that you do not want. You know I would never hurt you. I was shivering from the cold and he removed his coat and spread it like a blanket around the both of us. I had always told myself I would never give myself to a man unless I truly loved him. I was now ready to give to Jack something I had given to no other man. The forces that had brought us together were now going to make us one.

Afterwards, I lay musing going over my thoughts. I loved Jack and wanted to be with him. The next day I was going to tell Cal I could not marry him. Cal would have been furious, but his own pride would force him to agree. His main goal in life was to win the approval of his peers and society would always be whispering behind his back if he married me. I could feel the bounds that held me so long beginning to break. I told myself I would finally find true love. It would be a hard life I was choosing to live, but I would be happy with Jack. I felt Jack tremble and I asked if he were okay. He said he would be fine.

He paused as if listening for something and then told me to get dressed. I quickly arranged my clothes and Jack slowly cracked open the door. There was a pile of crates close to the automobile and Jack led me over to them. We hid behind them as the sound of voices kept drawing near. Two men appeared and one of them shined a light onto the back window of the Renault and I saw my handprint clearly outlined on the foggy glass. He motioned to the other with a snap of his fingers and they opened the door. I heard one of them say, "damn they have given us the slip." They moved off and we kept hidden as they began to search the crates. Crouching behind crates and boxes we slowly made our way to the door at the end of the cargo bay.

Making our way back to the deck of the ship, we both burst out laughing. Jack said, "did you see their faces?" I was laughing so hard I could not reply. Then I got serious and put my finger on Jack's lips. I told Jack when the ship docked I would be leaving with him. He told me that was crazy but I told him I knew it was and that is why it made sense. He held me close and we began kissing each other.

It was then that my life turned upside down. My next few hours would be pure terror and end in grief.

The nightmare started when I suddenly felt a shaking under my feet. I stopped kissing Jack and asked him if he felt it. Jack grabbed me as I saw large chunks of what I thought were rock, crash onto the deck barely missing me. I told Jack to look and pointed to the massive mountain in front of me. Jack said, "my god Rose, it's an iceberg. The ship must have hit it!"

He rushed toward the side of the ship and I followed him. He looked up and down the side as if searching for something. I asked Jack if we were okay and he said he thought we would be fine because he did not see any damage. There were a few people on deck kicking chunks of ice around and I picked up a piece and playfully put it down Jack's shirt. He jumped and turned to me smiling saying now he would have to throw me overboard. I squealed as Jack chased me to a gate that was locked. Climbing over the gate, I heard two ship's officers say something to the captain about pumps and flooding. Jack whispered to me that this was bad. My heart skipped a beat, I was becoming frightened, and asked Jack to take me to my stateroom. I turned to him and told him we should warn mother and Cal.

I held onto Jack's hand tightly as we returned to my stateroom. At the entrance, Lovejoy was standing there and he told me they had been expecting us. Inside there was Cal and mother and some other men and everyone was staring at us. Cal then spoke and said something about two things being dear to him and now once one has returned he knows where the other might be found. I demanded to know what was going on and told him that we had an emergency.

Then Cal said, "search him." Two men grabbed Jack and one of them took something out of his pocket. I was astonished when I saw what was inside. It was the Heart of the Ocean necklace. I looked right at Jack and he told me this was horse shit. I turned to Cal and said Jack was with me all the time, he could not have taken it. Cal said a professional thief could have taken it easily.

My mind was confused as I tried to recall the past recent events when Jack could have even taken the necklace but I could not come up with anything. Cal whispered to me that maybe he took it while I was putting my clothes back on. My mind went back to when I was changing but Jack had already locked the safe before I went to change. I saw him do it. I looked at Jack again; deeply hurt and betrayed wanting to believe him as the chief petty officer led him away in handcuffs. He shouted back to me that he did not do it.

Mother gave me a look of disappointment as she left the room. Then the room was empty except for Cal and I. He glared at me and was about ready to say something then he slapped me. My eyes began to tear because of the pain. It was completely unexpected. Cal had never slapped me during our entire courtship. He grabbed me roughly and said, "it is the slut isn't it?" I was seeing a side of Cal I had never seen before and it frightened me. I did not answer him, and he grabbed me again and fiercely spoke, "speak to me you little," and I closed my eyes and turned my face expecting Cal to hit me again.

Then the door opened and a steward told us to go out to the boat deck. Cal angrily shouted that he was busy, but the steward told Cal he apologized but it was the captain's orders. He pulled down our life belts and saw that I had been crying. I guess he thought he had upset me and tried to comfort me. Cal said this was ridiculous as he gathered up the jackets. He tossed mine towards me. Angrily he said to me, "get moving, I will deal with you later slut." Then he roughly shoved me out the door.

All the way to the boat deck, Cal was cursing and complaining while I walked in stunned silence. There was a large crowd of people gathered inside, all of them wearing life belts over their clothing. I can remember that the band was playing music above the noise of the crowd.

Then Mr. Andrews passed me by and his face looked like he had seen a ghost. I grabbed his arm and told him, "I can see it in your eyes. I saw the iceberg. Please tell me the truth." My mind could not accept what he told me then. The ship would sink. Stunned I asked him if he were sure. He said yes and that it would be only a couple of hours before all this was at the bottom of the Atlantic.

He said to quickly get to a boat and not cause a panic. He looked at me and said you remember what I told you about the boats. How could I forget? There were not enough and a lot of people were going to die! I told him I understood. I looked at Cal. It was finally becoming clear to him what was happening. For the first time I saw fright in his eyes.

On the boat deck, crewmen were busily loading people into lifeboats. Shouting women and children only. Suddenly there was a loud hissing noise and I saw an emergency rocket shoot up from the ship's deck and explode above me high in the night sky. My God I thought, we really are sinking.

We approached a boat and Molly motions mother to come aboard. Mother paused a moment and what she said shocked me. She wanted to know if the boats would be seated according to class. I was so appalled that she was thinking only of herself that I angrily told her to shut up. I told her, "the water was freezing and there were not enough boats. Half of the people on the ship were going to die."

I was about to tell her how selfish her last remark was when Cal interrupted me and told me "not the better half." He was as bad as mother and I looked at him in disbelief. He then told me, "pity I didn't keep that drawing. It's going to be worth a lot more by morning." I knew what he was referring to. An artist's work becomes more valuable after he is dead. He was referring to Jack. My eyes filled with contempt as I told him he was an unimaginable bastard. I turned towards mother and told her goodbye and started walking away from her.

My words shocked and angered Cal as he tried to keep me from leaving. Grabbing me roughly he snarled, "where are you going to him is that it? To be a whore to that gutter rat?" I looked into his cold eyes and told him I would rather be his whore than his wife. Any feelings I had left for Cal died at that moment. His heart was cold like the freezing water that was sinking us. I struggled to break away from him, but his grip was strong. In a desperate attempt to free myself, I spit right in his face. He pulled back in surprise and I broke free losing myself in the crowd.